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316 CITY OF GOD
some measure, the sorrow of her heart in her coun
tenance. And as saint John attended upon Her with
the watchful devotion of a son, the slight change in her
appearance could not remain concealed from the eagle
eyes of this seer. He was deeply afflicted, and having in
vain battled with his anxiety, he betook himself to the
Lord seeking enlightenment and saying
: Lord and
"My
God, Savior of the world, I acknowledge my indebtedness
to Thee for having, without my merits and out of pure
condescension, given me Her as a Mother, who is
thy
own; who conceived Thee, bore and nursed Thee at her
bosom. Through this blessing I am made rich and pros
perous in the possession of the greatest Treasure of
heaven and earth.
But without thy royal presence thy
Mother, my Mistress, is forsaken and alone, and for
it neither men nor angels can compensate, much less I,
a vile worm and a slave. My God and Savior of the
world, I now see Her sorrowful, who gave Thee human
form and who is the joy of thy people. I desire to con
sole Her and alleviate her grief, but I find myself in
capable of doing Reason it.
and love urge me on; but
reverence and my frailty prohibits it. Give me, O Lord,
light and spirit for doing what will please Thee and serve
thy Mother."
341. After this prayer the saint debated with himself
for some time, whether he should ask the great Mistress
of heaven concerning her sorrow or not. On the one
side his love urged him thereto, on the other he was
restrained by his holy fear and reverence for Her. Three
times he approached the door of Her oratory, and was
as many times withheld by his reverence from asking
the question. The heavenly Mother knew all that saint
John was doing and what passed through his heart. Out
of respect for him as a priest and minister of the Lord,
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