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8 INTRODUCTION
tification, became more intolerable to me than until then
the most severe penances. Those that I was accustomed
to undergo most willingly, required now the most violent
exertion, and I found myself become so delicate that they
seemed to inflict upon me mortal wounds. To undergo
discipline was an excruciating pain, causing swoons, and
each stroke cut through my very heart. Without exag
geration I say, that merely to touch one hand with the
other forced out my tears, so that I felt great confusion
and grief at being so miserable. In forcing myself to
labor in spite of this infirmity, I found my blood oozing
from my fingernails.
7. I could not account for this new experience, and
in considering it, I impatiently exclaimed: "Ah me!
What misery
is this? What change do I feel within
me? The Lord commands me to mortify myself and
die to all creatures, and I feel myself much more alive
to pain and much less mortified. For some days I
suffered in great bitterness and impatience of my soul.
In order to moderate my disturbance, the Most High
consoled me, saying : "My Daughter and Spouse, let not
thy heart be afflicted at the vividness of thy sufferings.
I have sought by this means to distinguish in thee the
effects of sin and to restore thee to a new life and pre
pare thee for works more exalted and pleasing to Me.
Until thou shalt have attained this state, thou canst not
begin to write what remains of the life of my Mother
and thy
Mistress." This answer of the Lord somewhat
encouraged me; for his words are words of life, vivifying
the heart (John 6, 69). Although my troubles and temp
tations were not abated, I prepared myself for labor and
battle; yet I continued to distrust my weakness and in
ability and despaired of finding a remedy. I sought
it in the Mother of life, and I resolved to ask for help
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