ANGEL LIGHT - Fire and Ice Ministries River of Life Fellowship

32 Angel of Light
to those at the church that already never liked me for them to act. The
board and pastor found out about it and called me in. The pastor explained
to me I was in sin, and that I had to break off the relationship
with this woman now! Believe it or not, this was actually a revelation to
me. I wish he had spent a little more time with me up until now. I did
exactly what I was told to do and was made to apologize to people that
didn’t even know anything happened. After the smoke cleared, the
strange feelings ended, and the daze broke off of my mind, I realized
how wrong I was! I couldn’t believe how foolish I was to get mixed up
in something that was obviously of satan! But it was too late. I hadn’t
even begun a real ministry and had already failed God miserably. I was
a failure, and I knew it. The pastor didn’t like me anyway, and this was
his excuse to get rid of me. He was about to leave to take another
church in Florida and advised the board to get rid of me. They did not
for whatever reason. The next pastor came, but he was much colder to
me. I am assuming it was because he was told what all happened.
I thought going into ministry that church people and pastors were loving.
I thought they cared about people, would love and teach them, and
were at least somewhat forgiving. I was to learn not all are that way.
For reasons I don’t even remember (because they were so minor), the
new pastor asked me to leave. Within a week of my leaving he called
and told me he realized he listened to the wrong people who went to
him gossiping about me, and asked me to come back, but I was too
hurt to return. I knew I failed God and moved back home to east Texas
with my parents. I had no real intentions of ever being back into the
ministry. I saw what it was like and what people were like. I asked God
to forgive me for all my shortcomings and failures and was not going to
go back into the ministry. Truly the young people of the church didn’t
even know of the incident and it really had no devastating impact on
the church. This is amazing of course, but it was like God gave grace
through it all. “I was so wrong and sinned so terribly. Could God ever
use me again?” These were the thoughts I had. I was also terrified that
if I ever tried later in life to do anything for God that people would only
bring up my failures, and as a result, I would not be able to ever do
anything for God again. Even though this may seem a bit overboard,
and it was, satan has built fortresses in my mind of fear and condemnation.
I was in deeper bondage now than before!
First Cycle of Destruction Complete
I had no church home or pastor. Not that the ones I had cared about
me very much, but the fact was I was alone except for my parents. Out
of desperation one day I called a well known minister who was being
used powerfully in revival at that time. I had just lost everything. I lost
everything except my parents. Now looking back on the situation years