ANGEL LIGHT - Fire and Ice Ministries River of Life Fellowship
ANGEL LIGHT - Fire and Ice Ministries River of Life Fellowship
ANGEL LIGHT - Fire and Ice Ministries River of Life Fellowship
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32 Angel <strong>of</strong> Light<br />
to those at the church that already never liked me for them to act. The<br />
board <strong>and</strong> pastor found out about it <strong>and</strong> called me in. The pastor explained<br />
to me I was in sin, <strong>and</strong> that I had to break <strong>of</strong>f the relationship<br />
with this woman now! Believe it or not, this was actually a revelation to<br />
me. I wish he had spent a little more time with me up until now. I did<br />
exactly what I was told to do <strong>and</strong> was made to apologize to people that<br />
didn’t even know anything happened. After the smoke cleared, the<br />
strange feelings ended, <strong>and</strong> the daze broke <strong>of</strong>f <strong>of</strong> my mind, I realized<br />
how wrong I was! I couldn’t believe how foolish I was to get mixed up<br />
in something that was obviously <strong>of</strong> satan! But it was too late. I hadn’t<br />
even begun a real ministry <strong>and</strong> had already failed God miserably. I was<br />
a failure, <strong>and</strong> I knew it. The pastor didn’t like me anyway, <strong>and</strong> this was<br />
his excuse to get rid <strong>of</strong> me. He was about to leave to take another<br />
church in Florida <strong>and</strong> advised the board to get rid <strong>of</strong> me. They did not<br />
for whatever reason. The next pastor came, but he was much colder to<br />
me. I am assuming it was because he was told what all happened.<br />
I thought going into ministry that church people <strong>and</strong> pastors were loving.<br />
I thought they cared about people, would love <strong>and</strong> teach them, <strong>and</strong><br />
were at least somewhat forgiving. I was to learn not all are that way.<br />
For reasons I don’t even remember (because they were so minor), the<br />
new pastor asked me to leave. Within a week <strong>of</strong> my leaving he called<br />
<strong>and</strong> told me he realized he listened to the wrong people who went to<br />
him gossiping about me, <strong>and</strong> asked me to come back, but I was too<br />
hurt to return. I knew I failed God <strong>and</strong> moved back home to east Texas<br />
with my parents. I had no real intentions <strong>of</strong> ever being back into the<br />
ministry. I saw what it was like <strong>and</strong> what people were like. I asked God<br />
to forgive me for all my shortcomings <strong>and</strong> failures <strong>and</strong> was not going to<br />
go back into the ministry. Truly the young people <strong>of</strong> the church didn’t<br />
even know <strong>of</strong> the incident <strong>and</strong> it really had no devastating impact on<br />
the church. This is amazing <strong>of</strong> course, but it was like God gave grace<br />
through it all. “I was so wrong <strong>and</strong> sinned so terribly. Could God ever<br />
use me again?” These were the thoughts I had. I was also terrified that<br />
if I ever tried later in life to do anything for God that people would only<br />
bring up my failures, <strong>and</strong> as a result, I would not be able to ever do<br />
anything for God again. Even though this may seem a bit overboard,<br />
<strong>and</strong> it was, satan has built fortresses in my mind <strong>of</strong> fear <strong>and</strong> condemnation.<br />
I was in deeper bondage now than before!<br />
First Cycle <strong>of</strong> Destruction Complete<br />
I had no church home or pastor. Not that the ones I had cared about<br />
me very much, but the fact was I was alone except for my parents. Out<br />
<strong>of</strong> desperation one day I called a well known minister who was being<br />
used powerfully in revival at that time. I had just lost everything. I lost<br />
everything except my parents. Now looking back on the situation years