If I kept it to myself - World YWCA

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If I kept it to myself money I made for transport back to the village to bring more bananas, and with time and some little profit, I bought other items like potatoes, chapattis and fish, enlarging my stock by the roadside. Among my regular clients was a taxi driver, who proposed to me. I accepted, as my business needed more capital, which he promised to provide. I thought I had hit the jackpot; my business would grow, since I had a sponsor. I had bigger plans, like becoming a businesswoman. I knew I would soon be able to solve all my children’s problems and pay for school for my younger brothers and sisters, who were still in the village. The little money he gave me attracted me to him. In January 2001, after a few months of courtship, he suggested that we live together. This would help me save some money to send to the village to take care of the children’s needs. After two months of living together, he stopped me from working, promising to take care of all my needs and those of my children back in the village. I didn’t like the idea of stopping work but I had already committed myself. He hadn’t introduced himself to my parents, so he didn’t pay any dowry. He was over 48 years old when we joined houses. In December 2001, I gave birth to a baby boy, who is three years and eight months old now. My partner’s major worry was that I would get to know from other people about his HIV positive status. He had been looking for someone to look after him during his sick days, which since he had lived long with the virus, he expected to come. In March 2002, he fell very ill and was bedridden for seven months. I became suspicious of his health. When he went for treatment, I checked around the house and eventually found a receipt from an organisation where they treat HIV positive people. I got so scared and wondered what to do. I approached one of my relatives whom I knew was a member of this organisation. I showed her the receipt and she confirmed my suspicion. However, she counselled me and advised me to take things in a simple manner since it was likely that I was already infected. When my husband came back, I couldn’t find the right words to ask him about his status. I had heard that he was positive from the neighbours, but I didn’t believe them since he had looked so healthy. Besides, we lived in a slum with so many idle people who will say anything about people. 34 For the seven months while he was bedridden, life was so trying. We had begun starving because he no longer worked and the little we had was taken away by paying his medical bills. We decided to partition the house, staying in one room and finding tenants to pay for upkeep. They sometimes failed to pay but chasing them away didn’t make much difference, as new occupants were the same. The neighbours always gossiped and laughed at me. No one wanted to visit us since my husband had Tuberculosis (TB) and it was believed that TB could be spread to others in your midst. Life seemed very unrealistic to me. I had less breast milk due to lack of food and too much work without rest. I always borrowed things from the nearby shops and got drugs on credit from the nearby clinic. We accumulated debts. I didn’t want my parents to know about my “unknown” husband’s health. My mother always sent messages wondering what had happened to me since I wasn’t
Young women intervene in a world with AIDS communicating as I used to. My children always needed school fees, books and medication but I didn’t have a penny, so I couldn’t help. I put my parents to task since they had to plead with the school authorities to allow the children to study and promised to pay as soon as we got the money. My partner’s family only came to collect the flour that we got from TASO and the cooking oil. They didn’t want to look after him and always asked why I didn’t just let him die. They complained that whenever he got so near his death, I called the doctor. To them, he had no right to still breath since with AIDS it was a sure deal to die. On January 1, 2003, my present to my husband for the New Year was to ask him to give me money to go for a HIV test. I was very confident when telling him. I assured him that I knew he was sick and was getting treatment though he had never told me. This scared him so much that he agreed to give me money for the test. When I tested, the result was HIV positive. When I showed him the result, he opened up and apologised for having spread the virus to me. He told me that he needed someone to take care of him. Being a Christian, I forgave him; after all I had already contracted the disease. The counsellor was very helpful. He referred me to many HIV care centres. I decided to join TASO on the 6th of January 2003. Before testing for HIV, I had little knowledge about it. I knew that I would get it if I had sex with an HIV positive person but because of my little knowledge and lack of personal confidence, I never asked any man to go for a blood test before we had sex. In July 2003, my partner died. His relatives wanted to share everything, and the other women sent their children to me to look after because I was now staying in his house. Even today, my inlaws collect the money from the tenants and only give me something once in a while when they feel like it. My counsellor at TASO, Swabrah Scovia, gave me all the necessary information about HIV and AIDS. She told me about the TASO drama group and how it could help me cope with the virus. I joined the group in July 2003. The drama group members were so good as they shared their experiences with me, and this made me appreciate that I wasn’t alone and could still live a happy life even with HIV. This is when I began disclosing my status. At first, it was scary. I didn’t want to tell everyone but my counsellor encouraged me, which helped me a lot and made my heart lighter. I now walk a free woman. No one gossips about me since everyone knows I am HIV positive. I feel better than before I went public. I educate other people from all walks of life about my status and positive living. I share my experience of living with HIV in villages, schools, organisations and companies. I want them to learn so that they don’t follow my path. 35
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If I kept it to myself - World YWCA

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