If I kept it to myself - World YWCA

Young women intervene in a world with AIDS
had not been home to read the note asking her to
open up for me at 2:30 am. I decided to look for
her in a pub she used to hang out in. I was really
drunk and did not realise that two men were
following me. They attacked me and dragged me
to an alleyway where they both raped me. I was
eighteen years old.
I could not believe this was happening to me, I
was so close to home. I felt my heart was being
destroyed. I was a child of God; I thought that he
had a duty to protect me. I told my older sister
what had happened but didn’t tell my parents. I
did not want to see them suffer. I was traumatised
for a long time. I would not let any man near me.
Even though I had experienced great pain with
this assault, it did not change my lifestyle. I used
to think that nothing worse could happen now, so
why should I care, I had already ruined my life.
It was in March 2000, when I had an infection
that would not heal, that I went to hospital for
tests. I was tested for many different illnesses
including HIV. When the HIV test came back HIV
positive, I could not believe it. I had not had more
sexual partners than most of my school friends.
I was simply a girl from university discovering
her sexuality. I never injected drugs and I was
not a sex worker. My first thought was how to tell
my parents. What was going to happen to me?
When was I going to die? How could I face the
people and their prejudices about AIDS? How
could I ever tell people from church that I was
HIV positive?
I decided to tell my parents even though I thought
that they would throw me out of the house. I
wrote them a letter and sent it with my sister
while I was staying at a friend’s house. If my
parents rejected me, life would not be worth
living. I went to see them afterwards. I will never
forget their tear stained faces. They had one
question written all over their faces: why did this
happen to our child?
My family did not reject me but received me with
open arms, and told me they did not want to know
what happened, they just wanted to be with me
and support me until the last day. This love was
just one of the gifts God has prepared for me.
In 2000 there were hardly any campaigns
in Bolivia on HIV prevention. The majority
of the population did not know the means of
transmission of HIV, nor basic ways of preventing
infection. Because of this lack of knowledge
and information, they stigmatised people living
with HIV and AIDS. I realised that if I were to
survive in Bolivia, I would need to fight against
the stigma and discrimination. To do this, it was
necessary to become a leader. I decided to
speak openly about my experience of living with
HIV and as a survivor of sexual violence so as
to make the population see that people living
with HIV and AIDS (PLWHA) are the same as
everybody else. All my work since 2000 has been
in a volunteering capacity. I began my campaign
close to home - at my church.
My family and I decided to tell the church about
my HIV status. We were frightened of being
expelled. We prayed a lot but I must confess,
we did not trust God. We chose one Sunday
to tell the church. From the moment I stood up
to speak, I could not stop the tears. I was so
remorseful for causing pain, for being a bad
testimony for my church, for the shame I brought
to my whole family.
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