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One of Jeannie’s favorite books was Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet, published in 1923 by Alfred A. Knopf in New York.<br />
The section in that book on marriage captures my and Jeannie’s evolving relationship more closely than anything I have<br />
read.<br />
Then Almitra spoke again and said, and what of Marriage, master?<br />
And he answered saying:<br />
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.<br />
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.<br />
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.<br />
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,<br />
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.<br />
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:<br />
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.<br />
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.<br />
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.<br />
Sing and dance together and be joyous,<br />
but let each one of you be alone.<br />
Even as the strings of a lute are alone<br />
though they quiver with the same music.<br />
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.<br />
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.<br />
And stand together yet not too near together:<br />
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,<br />
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.<br />
The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran, 1923, pp. 19-20<br />
Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116 Let Me Not to Marriage of True Minds Admit Impediments complements Kahlil Gibran’s<br />
statement on marriage.<br />
Let me not to the marriage of true minds<br />
Admit impediments. Love is not love<br />
Which alters when it alteration finds,<br />
Or bends with the remover to remove:<br />
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark<br />
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;<br />
It is the star to every wandering bark,<br />
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.<br />
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks<br />
Within his bending sickle's compass come:<br />
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,<br />
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.<br />
If this be error and upon me proved,<br />
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.<br />
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)<br />
Retrospective<br />
In retrospect, mine and Jeannie’s coevolution was made possible by a few shared values.<br />
(1) We wanted to spend our lives together. Possibly neither of us could have explained why – I certainly could not, although I<br />
could make a list based on 20/20 hindsight.<br />
(2) Neither of us placed much value on material possessions (i.e., stuff).<br />
(3) We both loved natural systems and felt serene when we were in them. To the extent possible, we tried to live in houses<br />
that were in natural systems.<br />
(4) Neither of us attempted to change the other to fit some socially acceptable stereotype (e.g., model hostess, man of the<br />
house).<br />
(5) Clothes were utilitarian, not decorative.<br />
(6) Daily shared activities were important (e.g., folk dancing, hiking).<br />
(7) Each of us should have personal activities for which the time was “sacred.”<br />
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