Safe Zone Manual - Randolph-Macon College

Compiled by: 

Sharon Blackwell Jones, Ph.D. 

@ The R-MC Center for Counseling and Career Planning 

From documents by VCU, W.Michigan 

Univ., Texas A&M & Bowling Green 

Univ.) with support from 

Carrie Whittier & The Office of Student 

Activities

What is a SZ Training 

Small groups of interested faculty, staff and students meet to: 

• Raise awareness of LGBT issues and their importance to everyone 

• Participate in interactive exercises 

• Build skills for dealing with situations and questions that arise at 

RM-C 

• Develop resources (informational, networking) 

• Distribute Safe Zone Ally stickers 

Workshops are co-led by experienced group facilitators. They are offered 

annually and can be arranged for special locations and/or times upon 

request. 

 

 

Mission Statement 

The purpose of Safe Zone is to reduce homophobia and heterosexism on 

the RM-C campus, thereby to make our campus a safer and freer 

environment for all members of our community regardless of sexual 

orientation. Safe Zone prepares members of the campus community, 

primarily faculty and staff, to serve as a resource on lesbian, gay, 

bisexual, and transgender issues, and also strives to educate the campus 

community about the Safe Zone program. Although transgender refers to 

gender identity and not necessarily sexual orientation, this is also a sexual 

minority group that is unfairly discriminated against, and therefore is 

included in the Safe Zone program. 

This Safe Zone resource manual includes information that was written at different times 

and by different authors; consequently, there are inconsistencies in whether lesbian, gay, 

bisexual, and transgender identities are included equally. Our purpose is to offer a Safe 

Zone for all sexual minority people on our campus. 

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What it means to be a Safe Zone Ally 

• Be open to questions from and about lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender 

(LGBT) people and their issues. Questions may come from students who identify 

as LGBT or are questioning their sexual orientation. Additionally, questions may 

come from students who are heterosexual and who are disturbed by the presence 

of an LGBT person in their classes, residence hall or family. Colleagues also may 

have questions. 

• Support policies that bring equity to otherwise inequitable situations and give 

open support for LGBT issues. 

• Encourage others to become a part of Safe Zone. The more willing people are to 

talk about these issues with facts and openness, the safer our campus will become 

for LGBT people. 

How to participate in the Safe Zone Program 

• Attend a Creating a Safe Zone Training, which examines attitudes and beliefs, 

raises knowledge and awareness, builds skills, and offers resources 

• After attending workshop, display Yellow Jacket Ally sticker 

The Purpose of the Yellow Jacket Ally Sticker 

• The sticker helps to convey a message that you are supportive, trustworthy and 

sensitive to the needs and concerns of LGBT people. 

• The sticker indicates that, within your office or room, homophobic and 

heterosexist comments and actions will not be tolerated silently, but instead will 

be addressed in an educational, informative and non-threatening manner. 

• The sticker does not indicate whether you are or are not LGBT; it merely states 

that you are a support and resource person (in other words, an ally). 

Commitment 

• The length of your commitment to Safe Zone is up to you. 

• As long as you want to participate, display your sticker on your door or within 

your office. If you decide to discontinue your participation, simply remove your 

sticker. There will be no questions asked. You may request to re-affiliate at any 

time. 

Being an ally can be tough at times. Your genuine dedication to this program, no matter 

what its length, will create a positive space within your community. 

 

3

History: 

Many colleges and universities in North America have begun to implement "Safe"" 

programs on their campuses. Sometimes these programs are called "Safe Zone," "Safe 

Space," "Safe Harbor," or "Safe On Campus." The hallmark of these "Safe" programs is 

the public identification of heterosexual allies by displaying the "Safe" logo, sticker, or 

sign on office and residence hall doors. Although it is unclear who first conceived of the 

"Safe" idea, the earliest we could find was the Ball State University program called 

"SAFE On Campus (Staff, Administration, and Faculty for Equality)" which was 

implemented during the 1992-1993 academic year. This program, initiated by the 

Lesbian, Bisexual, and Gay Student Association, included some of the components that 

we are using presently at Randolph- Macon College. Currently there is no resource 

available to help students, staff, and faculty on college or university campuses 

implement and design a similar Safe On Campus program. At this point most "Safe" 

programs have been initiated by students or various staff in the Student Affairs division 

of the university with very little direction or previous information to rely upon. 

Guidelines for Safe Zone Campus Members 

1. Respect each individual's privacy. We are asking you to keep contacts confidential. 

2. Keep in mind the Cass Model of Sexual Identity Development. Try to use language 

that reflects where the student is in his/her development. (Example: A student may be 

exploring his/her sexuality and may not identify self as gay, lesbian, or bisexual even 

though she/he is engaging in same-sex relationships.) 

3. You may find yourself being an advocate, advisor, teacher, or mentor to students who 

seek your support. Feel free to have coffee or lunch with students who seek you out. We 

strictly prohibit the formation of romantic or sexual relationships between students and 

allies in the Safe Zone Program. It is important to keep clear, professional boundaries. If 

you have any concerns about this please call the Safe Zone coordinator (Anthony Keitt 

752-4715). 

4. Please feel free to consult with the Safe Zone coordinator whenever you have 

questions or would like feedback on how to support or advise a student. 

5. Refer students for counseling when appropriate. If a student is experiencing 

psychological distress and is having difficulty coping, suggest that counseling may be 

helpful to him or her. A good guideline for you to use: If you are feeling overwhelmed 

or worried about a student, referring them to the Counseling Center would be 

appropriate (752-7270). 

6. If your Yellow Jacket/ Safe Zone sign is defaced or torn down contact the Safe Zone 

coordinator for a new copy. 

7. Please inform the coordinators if you are leaving the College, changing offices or 

address, or want to withdraw from the program. 

8. Keep your resource manual and new materials that may be periodically sent to you in 

a location that is accessible and familiar to you. We have a limited amount of resources 

so please do not let others borrow them. It is permissible to copy materials from the 

resource manual. 

4

RANDOLPH-MACON ALLIES CONTRACT 

 

 

 

 

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5

Qualities of an Ally 

An Ally: 

1. Has worked to develop an understanding of Homosexuality and the needs of gays and 

lesbians. 

2. Chooses to align with lesbians, gays, and bisexuals and responds to their needs. 

3. Believes that it is in her/his self-interest to be an ally. 

4. Is committed to the personal growth (in spite of the probability of discomfort and 

possible pain) required. 

5. Is quick to take pride in personal success in responding to homophobia and 

overcoming fears. 

6. Expects support from other allies. 

7. Is able to acknowledge and articulate how patterns of fear have operated in his/her 

lives. 

8. Expects to make some mistakes but does not use it as an excuse for non-action. 

9. Knows that both sides of an ally relationship have a clear responsibility for their own 

response to the oppression whether or not persons on the other side choose to respond. 

10. Knows that in the most empowered ally relationships, the persons in the nonoppressed 

role initiate the change toward personal, institutional, and societal justice and 

equality. 

11. Knows that he/she is responsible for humanizing or empowering their role in 

society, particularly as their role relates to responding to homophobia. 

12. Promotes a sense of community with lesbians, gays, and bisexual people and teaches 

others about the importance of outreach. 

13. Has a good sense of humor. 

8

Becoming an Ally 

Our society is heterosexist; so most people grow up with unexamined heterosexist 

assumptions and attitudes. It takes time to overcome those assumptions, attitudes and 

the behavior to which they give rise. We call that process "becoming an ally" of nonheterosexual 

people. The movement from heterosexism to alliance is described in stages 

below. 

1. Active Oppression 

Laughing at or telling anti-homosexual jokes 

Making fun of people who don't fit traditional gender stereotypes 

Verbal or physical harassment of people perceived as homosexual 

Supporting anti-homosexual laws, policies and legislation 

2. Indifference 

Passively accepting acts by others that demean homosexual people 

Ignoring the topic of homosexuality (in preparing programs, discussions, etc.) 

3. Oppression through Lack of Action 

Recognizing the heterosexism or homophobia in others' speech and acts and 

being uncomfortable, but refusing to say or do anything about it 

Avoiding participating in activities or programs because people might think you 

are gay or lesbian 

4. Confronting Oppression 

Politely confronting anti-homosexual joke-tellers, but not pushing it 

Deciding to participate in activities regardless of what others will think 

Mediating between people with differing opinions 

5. Growing as an Ally 

Reading books about homosexuality 

Being aware of and sensitive to issues that minorities face 

Attending non-heterosexual cultural events 

Talking to others about issues facing sexual minorities 

Joining organizations that support LGBT people 

Listening to gay or lesbian music 

Educating yourself rather than waiting for LGBT people to teach you 

Making yourself aware of individuals, organizations, agencies, staff, faculty and 

courses that deal with issues of oppression 

6. Challenging Oppression 

Educating others 

Engaging people in dialogue about sexual minority issues (or presenting 

programs, incorporating material into a class presentation, making handouts or 

posters, inviting LGBT speakers to your group) 

Confronting not just obviously homophobic comments but also comments of the 

nature of "I am not prejudiced, but...." 

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7. Joining an Ally Support Network 

Joining groups of other allies, such as Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays 

Creating a support group for Allies 

Recognizing the efforts of others to confront inappropriate behaviors and effect 

change 

Encouraging and rewarding employees or students who are inclusive and 

respectful of differences among people 

Promoting an atmosphere of RESPECT on the job 

Appreciating differences among individuals within groups 

8. Challenging Heterosexist Systems 

Working to change heterosexist institutional practices, such as 

Teachers working for an inclusive family life curriculum 

Administrators allowing live-in domestic partners for those with on-campus jobs 

Employers extending benefits to domestic partners 

Including in educational literature representations of LGBT people 

Emphasizing the importance of LBGT role models in the workplace and 

classroom 

Training staff to be sensitive to LGBT people and issues 

Refusing to buy products and support corporations that do not have inclusive 

non-discrimination and domestic partnership policies 

Refusing to have your professional organization's meetings in a state or city that 

has anti-LGBT laws and policies 

Opposing candidates who oppose LGBT civil rights 

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Heterosexual Ally Development Model (by Kerry Poynter (12/1/97) _ 

Status 1: Pre-Contact (Non-identification) 

Heterosexual person in Status 1 and 2 begin to abandon heterosexism and 

homophobia. Some awareness of different sexual orientations exists as movie, books, 

magazines, and newspapers (media) cover GLB issues. This person will not have a 

close contact with a GLB person(s). Will believe that heterosexuals and heterosexual 

relationships are superior to GLB people and their relationships. Will have a strong 

negative attitude toward GLB people. Will not identify as an ally. 

Status 2: Contact and Retreat 

Heterosexual person has a personal contact with a GLB person that is a family member, 

friend, or co-worker. Heterosexuals are still normal and superior to GLB people. This 

personal contact leads to a discovery that GLB people are human beings. Some 

heterosexuals may experience a hyper vigilance or be focused on associations with GLB 

people, which leads to a close relationship with the GLB community. Personal contact is 

a transition to status 3 that will lead to an increase in knowledge, awareness and 

reduction in negative attitudes. 

Retreat: Heterosexual person will be essentially closed to GLB issues and understanding 

due to a variety of issues such as religious beliefs, cultural beliefs, conformity to 

masculine ideals (if male) and gender roles, and will posses a dualistic reasoning based 

on these previous issues. This person will retreat to a Status 1. 

*Some heterosexual people may begin to identify as an ally (Status 3 and 4) without a 

personal contact due to less restrictive religious beliefs, liberal views, and moral 

development such as a desire to help others or to please an authority figure. Status 2 will 

be temporarily skipped. This person will eventually experience a Status 2 contact, but 

until then will have varied development as an ally. 

Status 3: Internal Identification 

Heterosexuals in Status 3 and 4 begin to develop a positive identity as an ally to the 

GLB community. Ally in Status 3 does not publicly identify as an ally yet, but further 

initial contact with the GLB community will occur. Communication with other 

heterosexual people that publicly (Status 4) identify as allies will occur. The new ally 

will begin to realize the importance of being supportive of GLB people and begins to 

practice these supportive and advocacy skills in a limited fashion. Will possess less 

negative attitudes toward GLB people and a higher level of awareness and knowledge. 

Status 4: External Identification 

The heterosexual will have pride in being an ally to GLB people. Realization of how 

much fuller their lives are since they know "out" GLB people and include them within 

their lives. Respect and appreciation for the similarities and differences among people 

with different sexual orientations. Ally will have low negative attitudes and a high level 

of awareness and knowledge. Ally will have some supportive and advocacy skills and 

will know other heterosexual allies among their friends, family, and colleagues. Feelings 

of alienation from other heterosexual people that are not allies will occur as a result of 

public identification as an ally. Various coping strategies will be used when dealing with 

negative responses and attitudes toward the ally. 

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Things You Should Know as an Ally 

The Four Basic Levels of Becoming an Ally 

1. Awareness: Explore how you are different from and similar to gay, lesbian and 

bisexual people. Gain this awareness through talking with gay, lesbian and bisexual 

people, attending workshops and self-examination. 

2. Knowledge/Education: Begin to understand policies, laws and practices and how 

they affect gay, lesbian and bisexual people. Educate yourself on the many communities 

and cultures of gay, lesbian and bisexual people. 

3. Skills: This is an area that is difficult for many people. You must learn to take your 

awareness and knowledge and communicate it to others. You can acquire these skills by 

attending workshops, role-playing with friends or peers, and developing support 

connections. 

4. Action: This is the most important and frightening step. Despite the fear, action is the 

only way to effect change in the society as a whole. 

Five Other Points to Keep in Mind 

1. Have a good understanding of sexual orientation and be comfortable with your own. 

2. Be aware of the coming-out process and realize that it is not a one-time event. The 

coming-out process is unique to gay, lesbian and bisexual people and brings challenges 

that are not often understood. 

3. Understand that gay, lesbian and bisexual people receive the same message about 

homosexuality and bisexuality as everyone else. Thus gay, lesbian and bisexual people 

suffer from internalized homophobia and heterosexism. It is important to recognize the 

risks of coming out and to challenge the internal oppression. 

4. Remember that gay, lesbian and bisexual people are a diverse group. Each 

community within the larger gay, lesbian and bisexual community has unique needs and 

goals. 

5. Know at least basic information about AIDS/HIV in order to address myths and 

misinformation and to be supportive of those affected by this disease whether in 

themselves or in partners and friends. While AIDS/HIV is a health issue for all, those 

who live with the most fear and have lost the most members of their community are gay, 

lesbian and bisexual persons. 

12

A Brief History of Homosexuality in America 

Compiled by Ladelle McWhorter, 7/96; Revised 10/96 

Despite the fact that humans have never limited their sexual pleasure to what we now 

call heterosexual intercourse, the history of homosexuality is relatively short. The 

genital anatomy of one's partners-or what Freud calls one's "object choice"-didn't 

become the definitive criterion for distinguishing homosexual and heterosexual selves 

until the last third of the nineteenth century. During the 1860's and 70's European public 

administrators began noticing that some people were organizing their lives not around 

family, household, and reproduction but around various forms of sexual pleasure. This 

was probably a recent phenomenon made possible by the forces of capitalism, which 

tended to draw people off the land into cities away from their parishes and families and 

to reduce the importance of arranged marriage. Alarmed, officials began studying these 

populations, whom they characterized as sexual deviants and grouped according to the 

particular practices they engaged in. One such class of deviant came to be called 

"homosexuals." 

Homosexuals quickly became the target of medical, psychiatric, and legal intervention, 

and as early as the 1870's they came together in such places as Bavaria to fight 

criminalization of sodomy. Until the Nazis destroyed Magnus Hirschfeld's homosexual 

archives in Berlin and hundreds of thousands of homosexual people were sent to die in 

concentration camps, the homosexual movement in Germany was widespread and 

influential. 

In the U.S. the history of homosexual culture and politics is even shorter than it is in 

Europe. The largest and best-known communities are in New York, Los Angeles, and 

San Francisco, and there are reasons for that. First, because of economic dislocations 

and farm crises in the first half of the 20th century, people migrated to large cities to 

find work. Once there, they were often forced to live outside traditional family 

structures, many in same sex settings such as military and industrial barracks, for 

prolonged periods. Those with homosexual inclinations found one another at the same 

time that they found the freedom to express themselves without ever-present familial 

and religious disapproval. For women in particular this was a new experience. 

But in addition to economics changes, another extremely significant factor in the 

development of coastal gay and lesbian enclaves was the ban on gays in the military. 

After W.W.11 thousands of gay and lesbian people were dishonorably discharged from 

the armed services, and many were simply dumped in port cities. At times several 

hundred ex-service people were deposited in San Francisco per day. They couldn't go 

home in disgrace, so they stayed. 

15

The first known homosexual political organization in the U.S. was the Mattachine 

Society, founded in November of 1950 in Los Angeles. This underground emancipation 

movement was the brainchild of Harry Hay, a young musicologist who had honed his 

organizing skills in the ranks of one of the most underground political movements in 

America in this century, the Communist Party. As Hay well knew, persecution of 

homosexuals was rampant. Police constantly entrapped and brutalized gay people. 

Public disclosure of homosexuality was enough to get most people fired from their jobs 

and ostracized from families and communities. By early 1953 under President 

Eisenhower homosexuality became by executive order a necessary and sufficient reason 

in itself to fire any federal employee from his or her job. Most defense industries and 

others with government contracts followed suit, and the U.S. Postal Service aided these 

industries by putting tracers on suspected homosexuals' mail in order to gather enough 

evidence for dismissal and possibly arrest. 

The Mattachine Society drew tremendous support after one of its founders, Dale 

Jennings, was arrested for "lewd and dissolute behavior" in February 1952. Jennings 

took the unheard course of acknowledging his homosexuality in court while pleading 

innocent to the charges against him, thus forcing authorities to draw a distinction 

between being homosexual and being guilty of illegal activity. The jury was deadlocked 

and a retrial ordered, but the DA's office dropped all charges. Publicizing this victory 

wasn't easy, however. There was a news blackout on all the information regarding 

homosexuality; no press releases were accepted by any newspapers, magazines, or radio 

stations. The Mattachine Society was forced to circulate information solely through 

postings and flyers distributed in areas where homosexuals were believed to congregate. 

Nevertheless, the event drew tremendous, if quiet, support, and membership in the 

Mattachine Society grew by several thousand in succeeding weeks. 

Fears generated by Joseph McCarthy's campaign to rid America of Communists 

eventually led to the neutralization of the Mattachine Society. By late 1954 it was the 

weak, fully public, assimilationist organization whose main purpose was to convince 

heterosexuals that homosexuals presented no threat whatsoever to any of their values 

and were in fact exactly like them but for sexual preference. The lesbian organization 

Daughters of Bilitis, founded in San Francisco in 1955, didn't fare much better, although 

both groups managed to sustain publications with national circulation through the 1950's 

and 60's. By 1969 there were about fifty "homophile" organizations in the US, all fairly 

small. 

The main reason for the lack of visibility in post-war America was persecution-religious 

persecution, discrimination in employment, violence, and police brutality. Non-celibate 

gay people were condemned by and unwelcome in most mainstream religious 

organizations not only as leaders but even simply as members. This led the Reverend 

Troy Perry, a Baptist, to found the Metropolitan Community Church in 1968. Today the 

MCC is the largest gay and lesbian religious organization in this country and by far the 

largest in the South. 

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Discrimination in employment probably ranked as the most threatening type of 

persecution gay people faced and still face-second only to physical assault in its 

violence but affecting far more people. Eisenhower's executive order stood from 1953 

until 1993. There has never been any employment protection for gay people as there is 

now for straight white women and straight men and women who belong to racial and 

ethnic minorities. Employers routinely refuse to hire gay people regardless of their 

qualifications and fire any who manage to get hired while closeted. 

Still, the ugliest of all forms of discrimination was and is undoubtedly gay bashing, 

especially when carried out by public officials. Police harassment and brutality have 

been constant features of gay and lesbian life for decades. Indefinite detainment's, 

beatings, and public humiliations are only the tip of the iceberg. Lesbian and male drag 

queens through the 1950s and 1960s suffered frequent rapes and sexual assaults 

committed by police officers, sometimes inside police precincts. And police were 

certainly no help when beatings, rapes, and lesser indignities were visited upon gay and 

lesbian people by civilians. 

It was in this atmosphere of terror and brutality that patrons of the Stonewall Inn in New 

York's Greenwich Village resisted a police raid in 1969. The Stonewall Inn was a 

working class gay and lesbian bar frequented by cross-dressers of both sexes. Police 

raids were common then and ugly. On the night of June 29, 1969, police attempted to 

raid the bar as usual, but the regulars were fed up. As the officers entered the building, 

patrons barricaded them inside and held them there. Thus began three days of rioting. At 

one point it was estimated that the gays held eight square blocks of the city. Word of the 

riots spread quickly through homophile organizations around the country. It was at that 

point that what had been since 1954 a rather quiet assimilationist movement became 

militant. 

In December 1973, this movement achieved a major victory when pressure groups 

succeeded in forcing the American Psychiatric Association to remove homosexuality 

from its list of mental illnesses. This change eliminated one of the reasons employers so 

often fire non-heterosexuals and one of the reason judges so often awarded custody to 

heterosexual over homosexual parents-but only one. 

Through the early 1970s gay and lesbian communities pushed for anti- discrimination 

laws, and they were successful in a few cities. By 1977 California even had its first 

openly gay elected official; Harvey Milk was elected San Francisco City Supervisor 

from District 5. But it was also in 1977 that Anita Bryant began her anti-gay campaign 

in Dade County, Florida, which was calculated to repeal Miami's legal protections for 

gay citizens. Throughout 1977 there were successful referenda to repeal gay rights laws 

across the country-in St. Paul, Wichita, and Eugene. 

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In 1978 California state senator John Briggs introduced a move to prohibit homosexuals 

from teaching in California public schools. The initiative was defeated in November 

after a series of statewide debates between Briggs and Harvey Milk. It looked like gay 

rights would hold firm in California, but less than three weeks later Harvey Milk and 

pro-gay San Francisco mayor George Mascone lay dead, assassinated by former city 

supervisor Dan White. An all-straight jury subsequently gave White the lightest possible 

sentence on a charge of manslaughter. San Francisco's gay population rioted; but the 

heyday of pro-gay politics was over in that city, and anti-gay violence skyrocketed. 

Not long after, scientists at the Centers for Disease Control began to notice a number of 

immune-deficiency-related illnesses in the gay male populations of major cities. Public 

officials (who didn't know what caused the illnesses or exactly how they were spread) 

began closing down establishments where gay people gathered. Not surprisingly, gay 

people resisted these moves, seeing them as just another ploy on the part of politicians 

and police to destroy gay communities and to oppress individuals. Tensions between 

gay communities and various branches of government increased. 

In 1986 in Bowers v. Hardwick the U.S. Supreme Court held that states have a right to 

criminalize even private and consensual sexual behavior. Specifically the court said 

Georgia had a right to punish Michael Hardwick for sodomy even though his act 

occurred in private. The police officer who over-heard and then witnessed Hardwick's 

act had entered the house in order to speak to one of Hardwick's housemates about a 

traffic violation. Officer Bowers placed Hardwick under arrest in his own bedroom. 

The following year, 1987, the second March on Washington was held. It was one of the 

largest civil right demonstrations in this country's history, drawing more than 650,000. 

The next day 5,000 demonstrators converged on the Supreme Court steps, and an 

organization new even to most lesbian and gay Americans, ACT-UP, made its first 

national appearance. Gay politics, like gay lives, had changed dramatically since Harry 

Hay founded the Mattachine Society only thirty-seven years before. 

Things have changed. But in many respects life has not gotten any easier. The FBI tells 

us violence against gay people and destruction of gay property and establishments is on 

the rise, and the crimes committed against us are getting uglier and deadlier. There are 

efforts in dozens of states and localities to repeal anti- discrimination laws where they 

exist and to prohibit them where they don't yet exist so that non-heterosexual people 

will have no avenue for changing the laws that affect them. More and more people are 

out of the closet, but while that may relieve and liberate in some ways, it also makes 

people easy targets for discrimination and hatred. 

18

The Pink Triangle Story 

Everyone knows about the Holocaust, during World War II that took more than six 

million Jewish lives. But many do not realize that other groups also were targeted for 

extinction, including the mentally retarded, Gypsies, and homosexual men and women. 

Nearly a quarter-million gay men and lesbians perished in Hitler's death camps. 

Prisoners were forced to wear identifying symbols on their symbols on their sleeves. 

People of Jewish descent were identified by a yellow Star of David. Homosexual men 

and women were branded by a pink triangle. Today, it is a symbol of liberation and 

pride worn on buttons, lapel pins, tee-shirts, even car bumpers to remind gay and lesbian 

people of the oppression they have suffered historically and to signal their refusal to be 

silent victims again. 

There is a story that relates directly to the witness we invite you to make today. When 

Denmark fell to the Nazi armies in 1940, the German occupation authorities 

immediately decreed that all Jews wear the yellow Star of David on their sleeves at all 

times, to facilitate their identification for transit to the concentration camps. Legend has 

it that the very next morning King Christian X, the aging Danish monarch, came out of 

the palace for his morning walk wearing a yellow Star of David on his coat, thus 

expressing his solidarity with the prosecuted minority. Word quickly spread about this 

silent and non-violent act of defiance and soon many other Danes wearing the symbol 

on their sleeves. Though historians disagree about the actual prevalence of this simple 

act of Danish resistance, there is no doubt that the population's compassion and 

resistance contributed to the fact that almost all of Denmark's Jews survived the 

barbarism of the holocaust that took the lives of most European Jews. 

Gay, lesbian and bisexual people continue to face legal persecution in many parts of the 

United States. Fully one-half of the states have sodomy laws, which make private sexual 

contact between consenting adults of the same gender illegal and punishable offenses. 

19

Terminology 

Sexual Orientation 

The desire for intimate emotional and sexual relationships with people of the same sex 

(homosexual), the other sex (heterosexual), or both sexes (bisexual). 

Gender Identity 

A person's sense of being male or female. 

Ally 

Someone who confronts heterosexism, homophobia, and heterosexual privilege in themselves 

and others out of self-interest, a concern for the well being of lesbian, gay, and bisexual people 

and a belief that heterosexism is a social justice issue. 

Homosexual 

(Gay man/lesbian) A person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to 

members of the same sex. 

Gay 

Usually refers to a homosexual male, but can also refer to a homosexual female, as well as the 

gay community in general. 

Lesbian 

The common and accepted term for homosexual females. 

Bisexual 

A person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the same, as 

well as the opposite, sex. 

Heterosexual 

A person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the opposite 

sex. 

Straight 

Another term for heterosexual. 

Transgender 

Relating to transsexuals, transvestites, cross-dressers, or anyone who tends to blur traditional 

gender boundaries. 

Transsexual 

A person who strongly identifies with the opposite gender, usually includes a desire to actually 

be the opposite sex. Most often refers to a person who has had a sex change operation. 

LGBT 

A common abbreviation for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (e.g. "lgbt community"). 

22

Transvestite 

Someone who derives sexual pleasure from dressing in clothing generally identified with the 

opposite sex. While the terms homosexual and transvestite have been used synonymously, they 

are in fact two different terms. The majority of transvestites are heterosexuals. Crossdressing 

that does not include any sexual charge is usually referred to as DRAG. 

Heterosexism 

Sexual orientation prejudice, combined with the majority power to impose such 

prejudice. Usually used to the advantage of the group in power. Any attitude, action, or practice 

- backed by an institutional power - which subordinates people because of their sexual 

orientation. The assumption that everyone is heterosexual, and that heterosexuality is superior 

to homosexuality or bisexuality. 

Heterosexual Privilege 

Those benefits derived automatically by being heterosexual that are denied to homosexuals and 

bisexuals. Also, the benefits homosexuals, and bisexuals receive as a result of claiming 

heterosexual identity or denying homosexual or bisexual identity. 

Homophobia 

The irrational fear of homosexuals or homosexuality, or any behavior, belief, or attitude believed 

to indicate homosexuality or tolerance of homosexuality. In extreme cases, behavior includes 

violence. 

Institutional Oppression 

Arrangements of a society used to benefit one group at the expense of another through the use 

of language, media, education, religion, economics, etc. 

Internalized Oppression 

The process by which a member of an oppressed group comes to accept and live out the 

inaccurate stereotypes applied to the oppressed group. 

In the Closet 

May refer to a homosexual who has not yet accepted his or her own sexuality (to be "in the 

closet" to one's self). Also may refer to one who chooses not to share their sexuality with 

friends, co-workers, or society (to be "in the closet" to everyone). 

Coming Out 

Referring to the process by which one accepts one's own sexuality (to "come out" to one's 

self). Also referring to the process by which one shares one's sexuality with others (to "come 

out" to friends, etc.). This process is a continual, life long process for homosexual and bisexual 

individuals. 

Outing 

The act of telling others that a person is homosexual without that person's permission. 

Queer 

Originally a derogatory label used to refer to lesbian and gay people or to intimidate and offend 

heterosexuals. More recently this term has been reclaimed by some lesbians, gay men, bisexual 

people, and transgender people as an inclusive and positive way to identify all people targeted 

by heterosexism and homophobia. Some lesbians and gay men have similarly reclaimed 

previously negative words such as "dyke" and "faggot" for positive self-reference. 

23

Hate Crime 

Assault, rape, arson and murder are crimes under any circumstance, but 

when the victim of such a crime is chosen simply because of his/her 

affiliation with a minority group, the FBI considers the crime a “hate crime.” 

In some states, hate crimes carry an additional penalty beyond the standard 

penalty for assault, murder, etc. Virginia law allows for stiffer penalties for 

violent crimes committed against people simply because of their affiliation 

with a religious, ethnic, or racial group. However, it does not allow for stiffer 

penalties for violent crimes committed against people simply because of 

their affiliation with a gender or sexual minority group. 

Stonewall 

On June 28, 1969, New York City police attempted a routine raid on the 

Stonewall Inn, a working-class gay and lesbian bar in Greenwich Village. 

Unexpectedly, the patrons resisted, and the incident escalated into a riot that 

continued for several days. Most people look to this event as the beginning 

of the American Gay Liberation movement and all subsequent LGBT 

movements. 

Gay Pride 

This is a common name for celebrations commemorating the Stonewall riots. 

In most cities Gay Pride is held in June (although in Richmond it is usually 

held in August or September). Activities usually include a parade, booths, 

speakers, workshops, picnics, and musical entertainment. 

Openly Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual/Open/Out 

Refers to someone who talks openly about his or her effectual and sexual 

orientation. Those who identify themselves as Gay, lesbian, or Bisexual to 

others. 

24

The Rainbow Flag 

In 1978 San Francisco artist Gilbert Baker designed a flag for that 

city's Gay Freedom celebration. The flag since has been adopted by 

lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) movements nationally 

and internationally. It has six stripes, each a different color ranging 

from purple to red. The flag -- or sometimes six-striped streamers -- 

can be seen flying from many homes and apartments in Richmond as 

well as from the Metropolitan Community Church and is displayed at 

almost all gay and lesbian events. Bumper stickers representing the 

flag are also common around the city. 

 

 

The Lambda 

In 1970 members of the Gay Activist Alliance chose the Greek letter 

lambda as their symbol because a flag with a lambda on it was 

carried by a regiment of Greek warriors who were accompanied into 

battle by their younger male lovers and were noted for their 

fierceness and willingness to fight to the death. Many LGBT 

organizations since 1970 have taken the lambda as their symbol or 

part of their name. 

25

The Pink Triangle 

Under the Nazi regime, concentration camp prisoners wore colored 

triangles that indicated their classification and thus the reason they were 

considered enemies of the state. Just as Jews wore two superimposed 

yellow triangles, homosexual men wore pink triangles. When the Allies 

liberated the camps in 1945, most survivors were freed, but the US Army 

simply transferred those wearing pink triangles to other prisons. Gays and 

lesbians now use the pink triangle as a symbol of identification and 

solidarity against oppression. 

 

The Black Triangle 

Just as homosexual men were forced to wear pink triangles in the camps, 

many lesbians were forced to wear black triangles, which signified that 

they (like prostitutes and unmarried women of the streets) did not live 

according to the Nazis' ideas of correct female behavior. 

 

Double Venus 

The symbol for the planet Venus is also the alchemical symbol for 

woman. Lesbians use two such symbols overlapping to mean "woman 

loving woman." 

Double Mars 

The symbol for the planet Mars is also the alchemical symbol for man. 

Gay men use two such symbols overlapping to mean "man loving man." 

 

The Labrys 

A double-bladed axe served as the scepter of the goddess Demeter (or 

Artemis). Scythian warriors may once have used such a weapon. It 

appears in ancient Cretan art and is now often used as a symbol of 

lesbianism. 

 

 

26

Q: What is sexual orientation 

Sexual orientation is one of the four components of sexuality and is distinguished by an enduring emotional, romantic, 

sexual or affectional attraction to individuals of a particular gender. The three other components of sexuality are biological 

sex, gender identity (the psychological sense of being male or female) and social sex role (adherence to cultural norms for 

feminine and masculine behavior). Three sexual orientations are commonly recognized: "homosexual", attraction to 

individuals of one's own gender; "heterosexual", attraction to individuals of the other gender; or "bisexual", attractions to 

members of either gender. Persons with a homosexual orientation are sometimes referred to as "gay" (both men and 

women) or "lesbian" (women only). 

Sexual orientation is different from sexual behavior because it refers to feelings and self-concept. Persons may or may not 

express their sexual orientation in their behaviors. 

Homosexual orientation is not limited to a particular type of person. Gay men and lesbians are of all ages, cultural 

backgrounds, races, religions and nationalities. They work in all occupations and live in all parts of the country. 

Q: What causes a person to have a particular sexual orientation 

How a particular sexual orientation develops in any individual is not well understood by scientists. Various theories have 

proposed differing sources for sexual orientation, including genetic or inborn hormonal factors and life experiences during 

early childhood. However, many scientists share the view that sexual orientation is shaped for most people at an early 

age through complex interactions of biological, psychological and social factors. 

Q: Is sexual orientation a choice 

No. Sexual orientation emerges for most people in early adolescence without any prior sexual experience. And some 

people report trying very hard over many years to change their sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual with 

no success. For these reasons, psychologists do not consider sexual orientation to be a conscious choice that can be 

voluntarily changed. 

Q: Is homosexuality a mental illness or emotional problem 

No. Psychologists, psychiatrists and other mental health professionals agree that homosexuality is not an illness, mental 

disorder or emotional problem. Much objective scientific research over the past 35 years shows us that homosexual 

orientation, in and of itself, is not associated with emotional or social problems. 

Homosexuality was thought to be a mental illness in the past because mental health professionals and society had biased 

information about homosexuality since most studies only involved lesbians and gay men in therapy. When researchers 

examined data about gay people who were not in therapy, the idea that homosexuality was a mental illness was found to 

be untrue. 

In 1973 the American Psychiatric Association confirmed the importance of the new research by removing the term 

"homosexuality" from the official manual that lists all mental and emotional disorders. In 1975 the American Psychological 

Association passed a resolution supporting this action. Both associations urge all mental health professionals to help 

dispel the stigma of mental illness that some people still associate with homosexual orientation. Since the original 

declassification of homosexuality as a mental disorder, this decision has subsequently been reaffirmed by additional 

research findings and both associations. The APA encourages all mental health professionals to work to help persons of 

all sexual orientations to accept and integrate their inner feelings and to overcome their prejudices and false beliefs about 

one another. 

29

Q: Can gay, lesbian, and bisexual people be good parents 

Yes. Studies comparing groups of children raised by homosexual and by heterosexual parents find no developmental 

differences between the two groups of children in their intelligence, psychological adjustment, and social adjustment, 

popularity with friends, development of social sex role identity or development of sexual orientation. 

Another stereotype about homosexuality is the mistaken belief that gay men have more of a tendency than heterosexual 

men to sexually molest children. There is no evidence indicating that homosexuals are more likely than heterosexuals to 

molest children. 

Q: Why do some gay, lesbian, and bisexual people tell others about their sexual orientation 

Because sharing that aspect of themselves with others is important to their mental health. In fact, the process of identity 

development for lesbians and gay men, usually called "coming out", has been found to be strongly related to 

psychological adjustment -- the more positive the gay male or lesbian identity, the better one's mental health and the 

higher one's self esteem. 

Q: Why is the "coming out" process difficult for some gay, lesbian, and bisexual people 

Because of false stereotypes and unwarranted prejudice towards them, the process of "coming out" for lesbians and gay 

men can be a very challenging process, which may cause emotional pain. Lesbian and gay people often feel "different" 

and "alone" when they first become aware of same-sex attractions. They may also fear being rejected by family, friends, 

co-workers and religious institutions if they do "come out". 

In addition, homosexuals are frequently the targets of discrimination and violence. This threat of violence and 

discrimination is an obstacle to lesbian and gay people's development. In a 1989 national survey, 5% of the gay men and 

10% of the lesbians reported physical abuse or assault related to being lesbian or gay in the last year; 47% reported some 

form of discrimination over their lifetime. Other research has shown similarly high rates of discrimination and violence. 

Q: What can be done to help gay, lesbian, and bisexual people overcome prejudice and 

discrimination against them 

The people who have the most positive attitudes toward gay men and lesbians are those who say they know one or more 

gay person well. For this reason, psychologists believe negative attitudes toward gays as a group are prejudices that are 

not grounded in actual experience with lesbians or gay men but on stereotypes and prejudice. 

Furthermore, protection against violence and discrimination are very important, just as they are for other minority groups. 

Some states include violence against an individual on the basis of her or his sexual orientation as a "hate crime" and eight 

US states have laws against discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. 

30

Q: Can therapy change sexual orientation 

No. Even though homosexual orientation is not a mental illness and there is no scientific reason to attempt conversion of 

lesbians or gays to heterosexual orientation, some individuals may seek to change their own sexual orientation or that of 

another individual (for example, parents seeking therapy for their child). Some therapists who undertake this kind of 

therapy report that they have changed their clients' sexual orientation (from homosexual to heterosexual) in treatment. 

Close scrutiny of their reports indicates several factors that cast doubt: many of the claims come from organizations with 

an ideological perspective on sexual orientation, rather than from mental health researchers; the treatments and their 

outcomes are poorly documented; and the length of time that clients are followed up after the treatment is too short. 

In 1990 the American Psychological Association stated that scientific evidence does not show that conversion therapy 

works and that it can do more harm than good. Changing one's sexual orientation is not simply a matter of changing one's 

sexual behavior. It would require altering one's emotional, romantic and sexual feelings and restructuring one's selfconcept 

and social identity. Although some mental health providers do attempt sexual orientation conversion, others 

question the ethics of trying to alter through therapy a trait that is not a disorder and that is extremely important to an 

individual's identity. 

Not all gays and lesbians who seek therapy want to change their sexual orientation. Gays and lesbians may seek 

counseling for any of the same reasons as anyone else. In addition, they may seek psychological help to "come out" or to 

deal with prejudice, discrimination and violence. 

Q: Why is it important for society to be better educated about homosexuality 

Educating all people about sexual orientation and homosexuality is likely to diminish anti-gay 

prejudice. Accurate information about homosexuality is especially important to young people 

struggling with their own sexual identity. Fears that access to such information will affect one's 

sexual orientation and are not valid. 

31

Sexual Identity: The Cass Model 

1. Identity Confusion: "Could I be gay" Person is beginning to wonder if 

"homosexuality" is personally relevant. Denial and confusion is experienced. 

Task: Who am I - Accept, Deny, Reject. 

Possible Responses: Will avoid information about lesbians and gays; inhibit behavior; 

deny homosexuality ("experimenting," "an accident," "just drunk"). Males: May keep 

emotional involvement separate from sexual contact; Females: May have deep 

relationships that are non-sexual, though strongly emotional. 

Possible Needs: May explore internal positive and negative judgments. Will be 

permitted to be uncertain regarding sexual identity. May find support in knowing that 

sexual behavior occurs along a spectrum. May receive permission and encouragement to 

explore sexual identity as a normal experience (like career identity, and social identity). 

2. Identity Comparison: "Maybe this does apply to me." Will accept the possibility 

that she or he may be gay. Self-alienation becomes isolation. 

Task: Deal with social alienation. 

Possible Responses: May begin to grieve for losses and the things she or he will give up 

by embracing their sexual orientation. May compartmentalize their own sexuality. 

Accepts lesbian, gay definition of behavior but maintains "heterosexual" identity of self. 

Tells oneself, "It's only temporary"; I'm just in love with this particular woman/man," 

etc. 

Possible Needs: Will be very important that the person develops own definitions. Will 

need information about sexual identity, lesbian, gay community resources, and 

encouragement to talk about loss of heterosexual life expectations. May be permitted to 

keep some "heterosexual" identity (it is not an all or none issue). 

3. Identity Tolerance: "I'm not the only one.” Accepts the probability of being 

homosexual and recognizes sexual, social, emotional needs that go with being lesbian 

and gay. Increased commitment to being lesbian or gay. 

Task: Decrease social alienation by seeking out lesbians and gays. 

Possible Responses: Beginning to have language to talk and think about the issue. 

Recognition that being lesbian or gay does not preclude other options. Accentuates 

difference between self and heterosexuals. Seeks out lesbian and gay culture (positive 

contact leads to more positive sense of self, negative contact leads to devaluation of the 

culture, stops growth). May try out variety of stereotypical roles. 

Possible Needs: Be supported in exploring own shame feelings derived from 

heterosexism, as well as external heterosexism. Receive support in finding positive 

lesbian, gay community connections. It is particularly important for the person to know 

community resources. 

32

4. Identity Acceptance: "I will be okay." Accepts, rather than tolerates, gay or lesbian 

self-image. There is continuing and increased contact with the gay and lesbian culture. 

Task: Deal with inner tension of no longer subscribing to society's norm, attempt to 

bring congruence between private and public view of self. 

Possible Responses: Accepts gay or lesbian self-identification. May compartmentalize 

"gay life." Maintains less and less contact with heterosexual community. Attempts to 

"fit in" and "not make waves" within the gay and lesbian community. Begins some 

selective disclosures of sexual identity. More social coming out; more comfortable 

being seen with groups of men or women that are identified as "gay." More realistic 

evaluation of situation. 

Possible Needs: Continue exploring grief and loss of heterosexual life expectations. 

Continue exploring internalized "homophobia" (learned shame for heterosexist society). 

Find support in making decisions about where, when, and to whom he or she self 

discloses. 

5. Identity Pride: "I've got to let people know who I am!" Immerses self in gay and 

lesbian culture. Less and less involvement with heterosexual community. Us-them 

quality to political/social viewpoint. 

Task: Deal with incongruent views of heterosexuals. 

Possible Responses: Splits world into "gay" (good) and "straight" (bad). Experiences 

disclosure crises with heterosexuals, as he or she is less willing to "blend in." Identifies 

gay culture as sole source of support; all gay friends, business connections, social 

connections. 

Possible Needs: Receive support for exploring anger issues. Find support for exploring 

issues of heterosexism. Develop skills for coping with reactions and responses to 

disclosure of sexual identity. Resist being defensive! 

6. Identity Synthesis: Develops holistic view of self. Defines self in a more complete 

fashion, not just in terms of sexual orientation. 

Task: Integrate gay and lesbian identity so that instead of being the identity, it is on 

aspect of self. 

Possible Responses: Continues to be angry at heterosexism, but with decreased 

intensity. Allows trust of others to increase and build. Gay and lesbian identity is 

integrated with all aspects of "self." Feels all right to move out into the community and 

not simply define space according to sexual orientation. 

Adapted from: Cass, V. Homosexual Identity Development, 1979. Adopted by Susan 

Young, SIUC, 1995 

33

The Kinsey Scale (Taken from a handout by Jamie Washington in 1990.) 

There have been a number of reputed studies on homosexuality in recent 

decades. The most widely discussed material, however, came from the work of 

Dr. Alfred Kinsey and his associates in the late 1940's and early 1950's. His 

results have more recently been supported by further research by Masters and 

Johnson, as well by several other researchers. The most revealing point from 

these studies is that there is a broad spectrum of sexual orientation, not just two 

lifestyles: heterosexual and homosexual. Instead of picturing sexual orientation 

as an either/or issue, Kinsey developed a seven-point continuum based on the 

degree of sexual responsiveness people have for members of the same and 

opposite sex. The continuum is as follows: 

 

0 

Exclusively heterosexual 

1 

Predominantly heterosexual, incidentally 

homosexual 

2 

Predominantly heterosexual, but more than 

incidentally homosexual 

3 

Equally heterosexual and homosexual 

4 

Predominantly homosexual, but more than 

incidentally heterosexual 

5 

Predominantly homosexual, incidentally 

heterosexual 

6 Exclusively homosexual 

Kinsey suggested that is necessary to consider a variety of activities in 

assessing an individual's ranking on the continuum: fantasies, thoughts, 

dreams, emotional feelings, and frequency of sexual activity. 

Therefore, many "heterosexuals," in fact, would fall somewhere between 

numbers 0-3 because they occasionally think/dream/fantasize about sexual 

activities with members of the same sex and/or occasionally act on these 

feelings. 

34

I THINK I MIGHT BE A LESBIAN … NOW WHAT DO I DO 

A Brochure for Young Women Information written by lesbian youth for lesbian 

youth and young women questioning their sexuality. 

What does it mean to be a lesbian 

Lesbians are women loving women. We are women who are sexually attracted to other 

women. We are women who may feel emotionally and spiritually closer to women. We 

are women who prefer women as our partners. 

As lesbians, we are not alone. One out of ten teenagers is lesbian or gay. Many famous 

women in history were lesbians. Lesbians are teachers, doctors, lawyers, factory 

workers, police officers, politicians, ministers, movie stars, artists, mothers, nuns, truck 

drivers, models, and novelists. You name it, we do it. 

Lesbians are White, Black, Asian, Hispanic, Native American, Jewish, Catholic, 

Protestant, Buddhist. Lesbians are rich, poor, working class, and middle class. Some 

lesbians are in heterosexual marriages. Some lesbians are disabled. Lesbians are young 

women and old women. You name it, we are it. 

Lesbians live in cities and in the country. We are everywhere. 

How do I know if I'm a lesbian 

"When I was young I always wanted to grow up and live with my best girlfriend, and 

that feeling never changed as I got older"--Tammy, age 17. 

"When we're really young, we have crushes on girls, but then we're supposed to grow 

out of it. We're supposed to read books about how girl meets boy and boy meets girl. 

Well, I'd never finish those books" -- Terryle, age 16. 

During adolescence, most young women begin to be aware of sexual feelings and take 

an interest in dating. Many young women feel physically attracted to men. But many 

other young women feel physically attracted to other women. 

You may notice that you feel turned on by other women. You may feel different from 

your girlfriends, like you don't fit in sometimes. When your girlfriends are checking out 

boys, you may find yourself checking out girls. Going out with boys may not interest 

you. You may find yourself wondering, "Why aren't there any men like these terrific 

women I keep meeting" 

You may also feel confused or unsure about whether or not you're a lesbian. Many 

adults will tell us that we're too young to call ourselves gay, or that we're going through 

a phase, or that we don't know what we're talking about. That's their way of avoiding the 

fact that some of us are lesbian youth. 

You may feel confused because you're attracted to both men and women. That's OK. 

Some women have relationships with both men and women throughout their lives. 

Some may later decide to be exclusively lesbian or heterosexual. 

Our sexuality develops over time. Don't worry if you aren't sure. 

35

Am I normal 

"We're told that it's sick, or perverted, or sinful, or abnormal. But the people who tell us 

that are the same ones who say that women belong in the kitchen, and that Black people 

are inferior, and that handicapped people are useless. Who's to say what's normal 

Some people think eating raw fish is normal, and other people think it's disgusting and 

abnormal"--Terryle, age 16. 

"I think we're very brave to have recognized this in ourselves and to have wanted to 

come to terms with it"--Natalie, age 18. 

Yes, you are normal. It's perfectly natural for people to be attracted to members of their 

own sex. But it's not something that's encouraged in our society. Many people push 

away these feelings because of prejudice against gay men and lesbians. 

Most scientific experts agree that a person's sexual orientation is determined at a very 

young age, maybe even at birth. 

It's normal and healthy to be yourself, whether you're gay or straight. What's really 

important is that we learn to like ourselves. 

What is it like to be young and lesbian 

"I feel very powerful, special, independent, strong, and courageous" -Natalie, age 18. 

"It's scary sometimes. I've felt very unsure of myself. But other times I feel wonderful 

and proud"--Terryle, age 16. 

There's no "right" way or "wrong" way to be a lesbian. Because of society's stereotypes 

about lesbians that we've all grown up with, you might think you have to be a certain 

way if you're a lesbian. But lesbians come in all shapes and sizes, from all occupations, 

and with all levels of education. 

Your sexual orientation is only one part of who you are. You probably have hobbies and 

interests that are the same as your straight friends. 

Because of homophobia and prejudice, some people don't accept lesbians and gay men. 

Lesbians and gay men suffer from discrimination and violence. That's why there are 

many gay and lesbian organizations that work for gay and lesbian civil rights. 

"Once I accepted myself and my sexuality, I found that I became more involved in life 

with my friends because I was more comfortable with myself"--Tammi, age 18. 

"I feel down and depressed a lot because of the homophobia that I'm constantly up 

against, but then I realize that I have the power to educate other members of my 

generation"--Tammy, age 17. 

36

Who should I tell 

"You shouldn't feel pressured to tell anyone at all until you are comfortable with the 

idea of being a lesbian yourself. Be prepared that people's reactions will vary"--Tammi, 

age 18. 

"Only tell someone if you feel you have enough support to face what may happen. Try to 

tell someone if you think you can't deal with these feelings alone anymore. If you think 

your family might flip out, tell someone who might be more impartial"--Sarah, age 19. 

"When I told a couple of my friends, I told them I was no different now than I was five 

minutes before I told them, except that now I wasn't keeping a big secret from them"-- 

Terryle, age 16. 

Coming out is the process of accepting yourself as a lesbian and figuring out how open 

you want to be about your sexual orientation. 

Unfortunately, not everyone you know will think that being a lesbian is the greatest 

thing since sliced bread. It's hard to know who can handle the information and give you 

support. Some friends may accept you. Some may turn away from you or tell other 

people without your permission. Telling family can be very difficult. Some families are 

very supportive. But some lesbian and gay youth have been kicked out of their homes 

when their parents found out. 

Maybe there's a guidance counselor or social worker in your school, or in a local youth 

or counseling agency, that you can trust. It's important to have someone to talk to 

because it's not normal or healthy for young people to have to keep secret such an 

important part of their lives. 

What about sex 

"First I would ask myself if I felt ready. Then I would talk to my partner to see if she felt 

ready. When you decide to have sex, it feels good when you've made the right decision. 

Only you can know when it is and isn't right for you to have sex" -- Tammi, age 18. 

"Just because you're turned on to someone doesn't mean you're ready to have sex. You 

have to feel emotionally ready. It's important that the two people talk about what they 

like and don't like. No one should have to do something they don't want to do. There's no 

need to rush things. It'll come in time" -- Terryle, age 16. 

Deciding whether or not to be sexual with someone is a big decision. You may feel very 

scared at the thought of having sex with another woman. That's OK. Lots of us do, 

especially if it's our first time. 

Women aren't encouraged in our society to talk openly about sex, but it's important that 

we communicate about what we like and don't like to do sexually, whether we feel 

ready to have sex or not, and different expectations we may have about the relationship. 

And it's important to talk about whether we're at risk for HIV, the virus that is thought to 

cause AIDS, or other sexually transmitted diseases, like herpes. 

37

There are many ways that lesbians can be sexual with each other. We can give each 

other pleasure by holding, kissing, hugging, stroking, stimulating each other's genitals 

with our tongues and hands, inserting our fingers into each other's vaginas, rubbing our 

bodies together to stimulate each other, and anything else we want to do. We can use 

our imaginations! 

Do I have to worry about AIDS 

All of us should know about HIV, the virus believed to be the cause of AIDS -- how it's 

transmitted and how we can prevent ourselves from becoming infected. You and your 

partner should discuss your risk factors for HIV infection and decide what, if any, safer 

sex methods you should use. 

Lesbians who are at risk are those who: 

Share needles if using IV drugs. 

Have vaginal intercourse with men without using condoms. (It's fairly common for 

young lesbians to occasionally have sexual contact with men.) 

Have oral sex with infected women without the use of a barrier to protect against 

infected vaginal secretions or menstrual blood. 

Safer sex for lesbians includes: 

Use of a dental dam for oral-vaginal and oral-anal stimulation. A dental dam is a piece 

of latex about 5 inches square designed for use in dental surgery. They are available at 

dental or medical supply stores. 

Use of surgical gloves when sticking your fingers into your partner's vagina or ass, 

especially if you have tiny cuts or rashes on your hands. 

And all the other wonderful things that lesbians do together. 

How do we Learn to Like Ourselves 

"It's important that we don't deny our feelings. If we be who we truly want to be in our 

hearts, we can be surprised at how happy we can be. And we should think a lot about all 

our positive points, and being a lesbian is very positive" -- Rebecca, age 16. 

"It helps me to interact with people who make me feel happy and good about myself. 

And I try to do things I feel good about doing" -Sarah, age 19. 

All people have a right to feel good about themselves. We're all valuable human beings. 

Developing self-esteem is very important for young people. It's hard for gay and lesbian 

youth to feel good about ourselves because all around us are people who believe that 

we're sick, or perverted, or destined to live very unhappy lives. 

38

When we feel like we have to hide who we really are, it can make us feel like hurting 

ourselves, like through alcohol, drugs, or suicide. We may feel very isolated, fearful, 

and depressed, especially if we've had no one to talk to about the fact that we're 

lesbians. 

More and more, we, as young lesbians, are learning to like who we are. It helps to read 

good books about lesbians -- books that have accurate information in them and that are 

written about lesbians who are leading very fulfilling lives. It also helps to meet other 

lesbians because then we find out that lesbians are as diverse as any other group of 

people and that we've been told a lot of lies by our society. 

It can help to say to yourself every day, "I'm a lesbian and I'm OK." And try to find 

someone to talk to who also believes that lesbians are OK. Remember: it's normal and 

natural to be a lesbian, just like it's normal and natural for some people to be 

heterosexual. 

How can I meet other lesbians 

"There are many lesbians around you, but you don't know they're lesbians, just as they 

don't know that you're a lesbian. Don't lose hope. You'll eventually meet some" -- Sarah, 

age 19. 

Make contact with local feminist organizations like the National Organization for 

Women (NOW). 

Many colleges and universities have campus gay, lesbian, and feminist organizations. 

Check your phone book for a local hotline and ask for the gay and lesbian organizations 

in your area. 

There might even be a gay/lesbian youth group in your area. 

Look for a gay/lesbian or feminist newspaper in your area. Check local bookstores, 

health food stores, and gay bars for copies. 

39

I THINK I MIGHT BE GAY … NOW WHAT DO I DO 

What does it mean to be gay 

Men who call themselves gay are sexually attracted to and fall in love with other men. 

Their sexual feelings toward men are normal and natural for them. These feelings 

emerge when they are boys and the feelings continue into adulthood. Although some 

gay men may also be attracted to women, they usually say that their feelings for men are 

stronger and more important to them. 

We know that about one out of ten people in the world is gay or lesbian (lesbians are 

women who are attracted to other women). This means that in any large group of 

people, there are usually several gay people present. However, you cannot tell if 

someone is gay or not unless he or she wants you to know. Gay people blend right in 

with other people. But they often feel different from other people. 

Gay teenagers may not be able to specify just why they feel different. All of the guys 

they know seem to be attracted to girls, so they don't know where they fit in. And, they 

may not feel comfortable talking with an adult about their feelings. 

How do I know if I'm gay 

"I don't remember exactly when I first knew I was gay, but I do remember that the 

thought of sex with men always excited me"--Alan, age 19. 

"I never had any real attraction towards women, but I really knew that I was gay when 

puberty began. I felt an attraction toward the other boys and I was curious to find out 

what they were like"--James, age 17. 

"One day I was flipping through a magazine, there was a cute guy, and bam! I knew"-- 

Antonio, age 16. 

You may not know what to call your sexual feelings. You don't have to rush and decide 

how to label yourself right now. Our sexual identities develop over time. Most 

adolescent boys are intensely sexual during the years around puberty (usually between 

11 and 15 years old), when their bodies start changing and their hormones are flowing in 

new ways. Your sexual feelings may be so strong that they are not directed toward 

particular persons or situations, but seem to emerge without cause. As you get older you 

will figure out whom you are really attracted to. 

Boys with truly gay feelings find that, over time, their attractions to boys and men get 

more and more clearly focused. You may find yourself falling in love with your 

classmates or maybe developing a crush on a particular adult man. You may find these 

experiences pleasurable, troubling, or a mix of the two. By age 16 or 17 many gay kids 

start thinking about what to call themselves, while others prefer to wait. 

40

If you think you might be gay, ask yourself: 

When I dream or fantasize sexually, is it about boys or girls 

Have I ever had a crush or been in love with a boy or a man 

Do I feel different than other guys 

Are my feelings for boys and men true and clear 

If you cannot answer these questions now, don't worry. You will be surer in time. 

You and only you know how to label yourself correctly. 

Making Contact 

So, you may be ready to find out more. Start by reading. If you feel comfortable, ask the 

librarian in the "Young Adult" section of your public library. Librarians are usually glad 

to help. If your library does not have much on sexuality you may want to check out the 

"GAY" section of a large bookstore, or possibly order books and other material through 

the mail. Please note that not all books about gay people are supportive. 

Try calling a gay hotline. Most major cities have one. You may want to call from a 

phone booth for privacy. They will let you talk about your feelings and will direct you 

to organizations that help gay people. There may even be a gay youth group in your 

area. Some helpful resources are listed on the back of this brochure, including a toll-free 

national hotline. 

Remember, gay people are out there, wherever you are. Trust your instincts. Sooner or 

later you will meet someone who feels some of the same things you do. 

"When I first met another gay person, I felt excited, anxious, nervous and happy. There 

was an indescribable relief to know that I was not alone, that there was someone else 

like me. It was also intimidating, not knowing what to expect, but I quickly loosened up 

and felt relaxed" -- Nathan, age 18. 

"When I first made contact with another gay man, I felt a tremendous relief. I couldn't 

believe I had made a connection. I felt happy but also scared. I felt that I could do or 

say anything and not worry about it"--Alan, age 19. 

"When I first met another gay person, it was incredible, refreshing, reassuring, 

touching, awesome, and wonderful"--James, age 17. 

41

Will I ever have sex 

Naturally, you think about finding an outlet for your sexual feelings. Becoming a 

healthy sexual person is part of the coming out process. You may be scared at the 

prospect of having sex. This is normal for everyone. No one should start having sex 

until they are ready. Until then, you may choose to masturbate or fantasize. 

Sex should only happen between mature individuals who care about each other. You 

will know when the time is right. 

We all choose to have sex in different ways, whether we are gay or straight. Gay men 

choose from a wide range of sexual practices, including masturbation (either alone or 

with another person), oral sex, anal intercourse, kissing, hugging, massage, wrestling, 

holding hands, cuddling or anything else that appeals to both partners. You are in 

complete control over what you do sexually and with whom. 

What about AIDS 

All sexually active people need to be aware of AIDS as well as other sexually 

transmitted diseases. Being gay does not give you AIDS, but certain sexual practices 

and certain drug use behaviors can put you at risk for catching the virus that causes 

AIDS. AIDS is incurable, but is preventable. 

Here's how to reduce your risk of getting AIDS: 

Do not shoot up drugs. Sharing needles is the most dangerous behavior in terms of 

getting AIDS. 

Avoid anal intercourse or other direct anal contact. Anal intercourse transmits the virus 

very efficiently. If you do engage in anal sex, use a condom every time. 

Use condoms whenever you engage in anal or oral sex (or vaginal sex if you have sex 

with women). You should choose latex condoms that are fresh and undamaged. Store 

them away from heat (your wallet is not a good place to keep them). Use a condom only 

once. Try to choose condoms with "reservoir tips", and be sure to squeeze out the air 

from the tip as you put it on. Hold on to the condom as you remove your penis; 

sometimes they slip off after sex. 

Or choose sexual activities that do not involve intercourse: hugging, kissing, talking, 

massaging, wrestling or masturbating (on unbroken skin). 

42

Learning to Like Yourself 

"I had to reject a lot of negative heterosexual and religious programming that made me 

feel lousy about myself as a gay person. I began to like myself by meeting other gay 

people and going to a gay support group. After that I was content with myself"--Bill, age 

18. 

"My aunt is a lesbian, and she made it clear to me, before I even knew I was gay, that 

being gay was OK"--Antonio, age 16. 

"I accepted the facts, which means that I don't deny being gay and I don't pretend to be 

someone I'm not"--Alan, age 19. 

It's not easy to discover that you are gay. Our society makes it very clear what it thinks 

of gay people. We all hear the terrible jokes, the hurtful stereotypes and the wrong ideas 

that circulate about gay people. People tend to hate or fear what they don't understand. 

Some people hate lesbians and gay men. Many people are uncomfortable being around 

lesbians and gay men. 

It's no wonder that you might choose to hide your gay feelings from others. You might 

even be tempted to hide them from yourself. 

You may wonder if you are normal. Perhaps you worry about people finding out about 

you. Maybe you avoid other kids who might be gay because of what people will think. 

Working this hard to conceal your thoughts and feelings is called being in the closet. It 

is a painful and lonely place to be, even if you stay there in order to survive. 

It takes a lot of energy to deny your feelings, and it can be costly. You may have tried 

using alcohol or other drugs to numb yourself against these thoughts. You may have 

considered suicide. If so, please consult the phone book for the Samaritans or other 

hotline. There are alternatives to denying your very valuable feelings. 

Who should I tell 

"I only tell other people that I'm gay if I've known them for a long time and if they are 

accepting and tolerant. I think it's important that they know about this special part of 

me"--Bill, age 18. 

"Since I'm normal, I don't have to hide how I feel. But you should make sure that you 

are comfortable with your preference before you blurt it out to just anyone"--Nathan, 

age 19. 

"I tell people that I'm gay if I know that they won't reject me, will accept me for what I 

am, and won't try to 'straighten' me out. I test them, I suppose, then I judge if I want to 

risk telling them"--James, age 17. 

43

More and more gay kids are learning to feel better about themselves. As you start to 

listen to your deepest feelings and learn more about what it means to be gay you will 

begin to be comfortable with your sexuality. This is the process called coming out. 

The first step in coming out is to tell yourself that you are gay and say, "That's OK." 

Later you may want to tell someone else--someone you trust to be understanding and 

sympathetic. You might choose a friend or an adult. You will probably want to meet 

other gay kids for friendship or a more intimate relationship. Some gay kids are able to 

come out to their families. You need to decide whether or not to tell your family, and to 

choose the right time. Lots of people, including parents, simply don't understand gay 

people and are difficult to come out to. In the beginning, be cautious about whom you 

tell. 

But it is crucial to be honest with yourself. Just as self-denial costs you, coming out pays 

off. Most kids who accept their sexuality say they feel calmer, happier and more 

confident. 

"No matter what people say, you are normal. God created you, and you were made in 

this [sic] image. If you are non-religious, you were born and you have a purpose, and 

being gay is only part of it"--Nathan, age 19. 

"Stand up for what you believe in, and don't listen to what hate mongers have to say. 

Stay proud and confident"--James, age 17. 

44

Stages in Coming Out 

Coming out is a process that happens again and again; it is not just a one-time 

deal and it does not follow a linear course. It occurs initially when one 

acknowledges to oneself (most important and difficult aspect of coming out) and 

to others that one is gay, lesbian or bisexual. One claims that orientation as 

his/her own and begins to be more or less public with it. 

Coming out to themselves is one of the hardest steps in developing a positive 

gay/lesbian/bisexual identity for gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals. It involves 

much soul searching and introspection and a good healthy sense of selfappreciation 

and acceptance. Coming out to others involves other risks and 

difficulties depending on who that person is coming out to, how engaged 

they are with them, how much power they have in the relationship, and 

how accepting they are. 

Why come out It is a necessary part of developing a healthy and positive 

identity as a gay/lesbian/bisexual individual. It is more honest and real, and 

ends the stress of hiding or keeping a secret and living a double life. It reduces 

isolation and alienation and allows for increased support from other 

gay/lesbian/bisexual people. It allows LesBiGay people to live a fuller life. 

What are people afraid of Rejection and loss of relationship, especially family 

and friends who do not understand or approve. The real possibility of 

harassment and abuse from others, ranging from verbal insults to physical 

violence against them or their possessions. Real possibility of institutionalized 

discrimination and prejudice. For example, losing a job, not being hired for a 

career, being denied housing and other equal opportunity rights. 

There are stage development theories that attempt to describe the process of 

coming out. Cass is the most widely known and used. Her model includes six 

stages that are not necessarily mutually exclusive. The stages are: 

47

I. Identify 

Confusion 

II. 

Identity 

Comparison 

Sees self as member on 

mainstream group. Denial 

of inner feelings. 

Begin to come out of the 

"fog". 

III. Identity Tolerance Encourage someone or 

something that breaks 

through the denial system. 

IV. Identity Acceptance Exploring subculture 

activities, readings, etc. 

V. Identity Pride Feel arrogance/pride in 

new identity and deep 

rage toward majority 

culture. May 

adopt/heighten 

stereotypical behaviors or 

characteristics (i.e. "I'm 

different and proud of it." 

May isolate self from 

mainstream values and 

activities. 

VI. Identify Synthesis Acceptance and 

integration of new 

identity. May go through 

five stages of grief to let 

go of old identity and all 

advantages of 

heterosexual privilege. 

Internalize pride/positive 

feelings about identity. 

Typically is "out" (with 

friends, family, at work). 

More at peace with self. 

Who am I 

Am I different 

Maybe I am gay. 

I'm alone. 

What are gay people 

like 

I accept the possibility 

that I may be gay. 

Where are other gay 

people 

I am gay. 

Am I okay 

I can come out to some 

people. 

I am proud to be gay. 

I don't (and won't) 

pass for straight. 

I am an okay person 

who happens to be gay. 

48

There are other theories and they basically follow a similar pattern: the initial 

stage involves some awareness that another way of being (besides being 

heterosexual) exists and that it is somehow attractive fits the individual. This is 

followed by attempts to explore that way of being, the community, and culture 

that it represents and attempts to explore how it fits, how one might feel when 

acting on one's curiosity. Then some phase of coming to terms with what seems 

to be one's identity and orientation including rationalizing it away and denying it 

until some resolution and piece of mind is reached that ends in self-acceptance 

and grows into self-appreciation. And finally, a synthesis of one's sexual 

orientation with the rest of the person. 

What is “Coming Out” 

“Coming out of the closet” is more than revealing one’s affectional orientation. It 

is a life-long process that begins when a gay person recognizes his or her own 

gay feelings and shares those feelings with others. Since people in our culture 

tend to assume that a person is a heterosexual, people who are gay decide 

whom they would like to inform regarding their sexual orientation. 

Having someone come out to you should be an honor. That individual is 

making a special effort to tell you about a very personal issue. Be supportive 

and remember that confidentiality is imperative. Violence towards people who 

are gay is a reality in our culture. 

Stages involved in “Coming Out.” 

1. Moving toward a recognition and acceptance of one’s own sexual 

orientation. 

2. Gaining support from other gay people. 

3. Developing a supportive group of individuals. 

a. First visit to gay businesses and clubs 

b. Gay organizations 

c. Gay religious groups 

d. Exposure to gay “culture” 

4. Telling non-gay people, including friends, co-workers, and family members. 

Why Come Out 

1. It can help people who are gay feel more positive about themselves. 

2. It can help people who are gay gain more support. 

3. It can make relationships stronger by sharing such an important part of one’s 

life. 

4. It can allow a person to live amore congruent life, no longer having to play a 

“hiding game.” Living a double life—one gay, one heterosexual—is 

psychologically harmful and emotionally exhausting. 

Being honest with significant others in the life of someone who is gay can be an 

enriching experience. 

49

What might they be afraid of 

Rejection—loss of relationships 

Gossip 

Harassment/abuse 

Being thrown out of family 

Being thrown out of house 

Having their lover arrested 

Loss of financial support 

Losing their job 

Physical violence 

Why might gays want to come out to their friends/relatives 

End the “hiding game” 

Feel closer to those people 

Be able to be “whole” around them 

Stop wasting energy by hiding all the time 

Feel like they have integrity 

To make a statement that “gay is ok.” 

How might gays feel about their coming out to someone Why 

Scared 

Vulnerable 

Relieved 

Wondering how the person will react 

Proud 

How might someone feel after someone comes out to him or 

her 

Scared 

Shocked 

Disbelieving 

Uncomfortable 

Not sure what to say 

Not sure what to do next 

Wondering why the person “came out.” 

50

When A Friend "Comes Out" To You... 

Adapted from a flyer by the Youth Service Bureau of Wellington, Ottawa. 

• Thank your friend for having the courage to tell you. Choosing to tell you means that they have 

a great deal of respect and trust for you. 

• Don’t judge your friend. If you have strong religious or other beliefs about homosexuality, keep 

them to yourself for now. There will be plenty of time in the future for you to think and talk 

about your beliefs in light of your friend’s orientation. 

• Respect your friend’s confidentiality. They probably are not ready to tell others right away and 

want to tell people in their own way. 

• Tell your friend that you still care about them, no matter what. Be the friend you have always 

been. The main fear for people coming out is that their friends and family will reject them. 

• Don’t be too serious. Sensitively worded humor may ease the tension you are both probably 

feeling. 

• Ask any questions you may have, but understand that your friend may not have all the 

answers. You can save some questions for later or, better yet, you can find some of the 

answers together. 

• Include your friend’s partner in plans as much as you would with any other friend. 

• Be prepared to include your friend in more of your plans. They may have lost the support of 

other friends and family, and your time and friendship will be even more precious to them. This 

may include "family" times like holidays or special celebrations. 

• Offer and be available to support your friend as they "come out" to others. 

• Call frequently during the time right after your friend has come out to you. This will let them 

know you are still friends. 

• Be prepared for your friend to have mood swings. Coming out can be very traumatic. Anger 

and depression are common, especially if friends or family have trouble accepting your friend’s 

orientation. Don’t take mood swings personally. Be flattered you are close enough to risk 

sharing any feelings of anger or frustration. 

• Do what you have always done together. Your friend probably feels that coming out will 

change everything in their life, and this is frightening. If you always go to the movies on Friday, 

then continue that. 

• Talk about other LGB people you know. If your friend knows you have accepted someone else, 

they will feel more comfortable that you will accept them. 

• Learn about the LGB community. This will allow you to better support your friend, and knowing 

about their world will help prevent you from drifting apart. 

• Don’t allow your friend to become isolated. Let them know about organizations and places 

where they can meet other LGB people or supportive allies. 

• If your friend seems afraid about people knowing, there may be a good reason. People are 

sometimes attacked violently because they are perceived as LGB. Sometimes people are 

discriminated against in such things as housing and employment. If your friend is discriminated 

against illegally, you can help them in pursuing their rights. 

• Don’t worry that your friend may have attractions or feelings for you that you may not share. If 

they have more or different feelings than you have, these can be worked through. It’s the same 

as if someone of the opposite sex had feelings for you that you don’t share. Either way, it’s 

probably not worth losing a friend over. 

• It’s never too late. If someone has come out to you before and you feel badly about how you 

handled it, you can always go back and try again. 

51

When a Gay Person Tells You That They Are Gay 

Try to be aware and/or remember that: 

1. The gay person is apt to have spent many hours in thoughtful preparation and shares the 

information with keen awareness of the possible risk. 

2. There is no way for the gay person to predict your reaction accurately. You have spent your 

entire life in a society that teaches you to despise gay people. The gay person has no way of 

knowing in advance how able you will feel to throw off those years of training and respond 

spontaneously and gratefully to such an intimate offering of self. 

3. It is important to understand that the gay person has not changed. You may be shocked by 

their revelation, but remember this is still the same person as before. Don't let the shock lead 

you to view the gay person as suddenly different or bad. You now know that this person can 

love someone of the same gender completely-you have no reason to believe suddenly that this 

person is morally depraved or emotionally unbalanced. 

4. Don't ask questions that would have been considered rude within the relationship before this 

disclosure. This person has the same sensibilities as before. However, you may well need to 

do some "catching up." Some common questions are: 

1. How long have you known you were gay 

2. Is there someone special 

3. Has it been hard for you carrying this secret 

4. Is there some way I can help 

5. Have I ever offended you unknowingly 

Be honest and open about your feelings. It makes the sharing more complete and makes change 

possible. If you find it hard to believe, say so. If you find you are reacting with emotional repugnance 

but want to learn more so you can throw off your prejudice, say so. If your feelings are totally 

negative, you can say that too. It is the possibility that the gay person has certainly considered and 

risked. But in fairness to yourself admit aloud that negative feelings may change, so the gay person 

will leave the door open for you to return if you are able to get past your training. We gay people are 

accustomed to hurt, but with someone close the rejections may hurt too much and we have to get 

away. 

You may well be tempted to break the bond you have with this gay person. Though he or she has not 

changed, the information now confronts you and your homophobic training. A conflict may be 

inevitable. Just as some people develop specific phobias (heights, snakes, deep water, etc.) many 

people take in the anti-gay messages of the culture and develop homophobia. It is a disability like 

other phobia and you can get help with it through psychotherapy, provided the therapist does not 

share your phobia. But just as the person who is phobic about deep water may be unaware of 

anything more than a discomfort with and avoidance of oceans, lakes and rivers, the homophobe may 

be aware of discomfort in the presence of gay people and the desire to avoid them. If you are prone 

to homophobia, you will be strongly tempted to rid yourself of this previously valued friendship by 

quick rupture or (if that includes too much guilt in you) by a slow undermining of the relationship. If 

you see the symptoms and want help, try to find a gay-oriented psychotherapist. Don't risk 

unknowingly working with a counselor who shares your homophobia. If you destroy the relationship, 

chances are the gay person will be hurt, but will survive, having been preparing through life for such a 

reaction on your part. 

52

If your homophobia is of the very mild variety (like the person who can take the elevator up twenty 

stories but does not want to visit the tallest building in the city) you can get help from reading and 

from making social contacts with more gay people. Prejudice thrives on the lack of contradictory 

information. Integration destroys stereotypes. The more gay people you meet, the better the chances 

of ridding yourself of mild homophobia. 

If you know or suspect that someone you know is gay and have not yet been told, appreciate the fear 

and anxiety that inhabits the disclosure. All you can do, usually, is to make it openly known that you 

appreciate and support gay people. Actions speak louder than words, however. Gay friends and gayoriented 

reading materials in your home do more than announcements of pro-gay feelings, which can 

sound phony. 

 

Coming out is the term used to describe the process of and the extent to which one identifies oneself 

as lesbian, gay or bisexual. There are two parts to this process: coming out to oneself and coming out 

to others. Coming out to oneself is perhaps the first step toward a positive understanding of one's 

orientation. It includes the realization that one is homosexual or bisexual and accepting that fact and 

deciding what to do about it. 

Coming out to others is an experience unique to gay, and lesbian and bisexual students. The decision 

to come out to another person involves disclosing one's sexual side, which is for the most part viewed 

as being a private matter. Some are afraid of being rejected but others worry that their sexual identity 

will be the overriding focus in future interactions with the other person. However, coming out does not 

always result in negative consequences. It can develop a sense of relief and a sense of closeness. 

Other issues are the extent of the revelation (should everyone know or should disclosure be 

selective), timing and anticipation consequences. Included in this web page is a list of questions 

someone who is deciding to come out should reflect upon. 

The decision not to come out to others is called passing. Our culture tends to assume heterosexuality 

and persons who do not correct the heterosexual assumption are considered to be passing as 

heterosexuals. College students may believe that passing is preferable in an environment built on 

heterosexual events. These students usually experience some conflict as they make decisions on 

when to pass and when to be open and some live with fear about their secret being revealed. These 

students may also experience some hostility from those who are open and feel that they are not being 

honest with themselves or others. 

53

Twelve Things You Can Do For Students Who Are Gay 

1. Remember that not everyone is heterosexual. 

2. Use inclusive language. Use “partners” instead of “boy/girlfriend.” 

3. Encourage and support educational programs addressing sexual orientation issues. 

4. Discourage homophobic humor. Actively confront this form of discrimination. 

5. Have supportive publications/posters/stickers in your office to create a safe environment. 

6. Create classroom behavioral guidelines that prohibit discriminatory speech, but encourage 

candid, informational discourse. 

7. Refer people to the Center for Counseling (752-7270) when needed. 

8. Remember that Randolph-Macon College has a nondiscrimination policy with regards to 

sexual orientation. 

9. If you are unable to be nonjudgmental, refer the student to someone else. 

10. If a student “comes out” to you, it means he or she trusts you with personal information. 

11. When applicable, enhance classroom discussion and lecture by citing notable individuals who 

also happen to be gay. Draw attention to the accomplishments of gays in all respects of 

human history. 

12. Recognize National Coming Out Day—October 11. 

Support Family and Friends Coming Out 

Things to Do 

PARENTS AND FAMILIES: 

Reaffirm your love for your son/daughter, brother/sister, or other family member. 

Unconditional love is the most important thing a person needs after coming out. 

Be supportive. It is your responsibility as a parent or family member to be there for this 

person. Let him/her know that coming out was the right thing to do. 

Remember that your gay or lesbian family member is the same person he/she was before 

coming out. 

Give yourself time to adjust to the news. 

Keep lines of communication open. Ask as many questions as you want and LISTEN to what 

your family member says, encouraging them to discuss their feelings with you. 

Teenagers have special needs that should be addressed. Contact a gay or lesbian youth 

organization ROSMY, PFLAG, or a gay and lesbian positive therapist to get necessary 

information on how to assist him/her in coping with coming out. 

Develop a positive atmosphere around this issue and celebrate your child’s sexual orientation 

by understanding the difficulties he or she faces, speaking out against homophobia, and 

helping other family members to be accepting. 

Avoid turning the disclosure into a family crisis. 

Be as proud of your son/daughter’s, brother/sister’s, or other family member’s relationship as 

you are of the relationships with your heterosexual family members. 

Teach heterosexual children to respect their gay and lesbian siblings and schoolmates. 

Become a role model for other parents or families coming to terms with having gay and lesbian 

children and/or family members. 

FRIENDS 

Don’t assume that your gay or lesbian friends(s) know you are supportive. Tell them and 

encourage them in their coming out process. 

54

Discuss your reservations and concerns with your gay and lesbian friend(s). As in all 

relationships, a good level of communication solves problems and resolves 

misunderstandings. 

Some heterosexual people believe that gay and lesbian people are attracted to everyone of 

the same gender. Don’t make this mistake and don’t’ think when a gay or lesbian friend of the 

same gender comes out to you that he/she is making a pass. This type of assumption and 

reaction can destroy friendships. 

Celebrate diversity and rejoice in having gay or lesbian people as friends. 

Tips for Interacting with Lesbian, Bisexual, and Gay People. 

1. Don’t be surprised when someone “comes out” to you. They have tested you with a series of 

“trial balloons” over a period of time. Based on your previous responses they’ve decided you 

can be trusted and helpful. 

2. Respect confidentiality. If a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender person shares with you 

information about his or her sexual orientation, you have a trust that must be respected. A 

breach of this confidence has led some to suicide. 

3. Be informed & examine your own biases. Most of us are the products of a homophobic society 

influenced by misinformation and fear. You can’t be free of it just be deciding to; read reliable 

sources and talk to qualified persons. 

4. Know when and where to seek help. Know the referral agencies and counselors in your area. 

Gay help-lines can provide you with professional persons and organizations that are qualified 

to help. Tell them who you are and what kind of assistance you need. They’ll be helpful and 

fair. 

5. Maintain a balanced perspective. Sexual thoughts and feelings are only a small (but 

important) part of a person’s personality. 

6. Understand the meaning of sexual orientation. Each person’s sexual orientation is what is 

natural to that person, and we don’t’ know what determines any type of sexual orientation, be it 

lesbian, bisexual, gay, or heterosexual. 

7. Deal with feelings first. Most gay, bisexual, and lesbian people feel alone, afraid and guilty. 

You can assist by listening, thus allowing them to release feelings and thoughts that are often 

in conflict. 

8. Be supportive. Explain that many people have struggled with this issue in the past. Admit that 

dealing with one’s sexuality is difficult. It defies easy and fast answers, whether heterosexual, 

bisexual, gay, lesbian, or transgendered. Keep the door open for more conversations and 

assistance. 

9. Anticipate some confusion. Many people are sure of their sexual orientation by the time they 

finish the eighth grade. But some people will be confused and unsure. They have to work 

through their own feeling and insights; you can’t talk them into. Or out of being heterosexual, 

gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. 

10. Help but do not force. If you are heterosexual, you probably do not understand what it means 

to be different in this manner. Clues for how you can help will come from the young person. 

Don’t force him or her into your frame of reference to make it easier for you to understand. 

11. Don’t try to guess who is gay or lesbian or bisexual. It is not helpful for you or for the people 

you serve. We live in a world of stereotypes that do people an injustice; do not be tempted to 

perpetuate old myths. 

12. Challenge homophobic remarks and jokes. Would you be silent if someone made a racial slur 

or disparaging remark about someone’s race If not, then speak up. Don’t perpetuate 

injustice through silence. 

55

1. Check into your feelings values, beliefs, and thinking about homosexuality, lesbians and gay men. 

2. Educate yourself about homosexuality. 

3. Talk with lesbians, gays, and bisexuals and those who support them. 

4. Identify community resources by accessing this Web Page. 

5. Provide a supportive atmosphere for those who are or think they may be homosexual. Have 

lesbian/gay male books or periodicals in view. 

6. Avoid language (forms) that implies that all people are heterosexual and either "single, married, or 

divorced." 

7. Advocate and participate in educational programs for your staff, so that lesbians/gay males receive 

service without prejudice and with the empathy and warmth deserved by all. 

8. Remember that other workers at your workplace may be lesbians or gay men. 

9. Remember that people do not choose to have "gay" feelings. People so choose whether to act on 

their feelings. Note that "sexual orientation" is a term preferred in the lesbian or gay community, 

instead of "sexual preference" or "choice." 

10. Do not presume that all lesbian/gay men regret their orientation. 

11. Do not presume that people who regret their orientation necessarily need or wish to change their 

orientation. 

12. Do not presume that those who try to change their orientation can. 

13. Remember that societal oppression and discrimination create much of the unhappiness of many 

lesbians/gay men. 

14. Remember that many lesbian/gay male relationships often fail because such relationships receive 

no societal support. 

15. Remember that the oppression laid upon lesbians differs in many ways from the oppression that 

gay men suffer. Non-White lesbians and gay men suffer in other ways. 

16. Remember that stereotypical "gay" behavior or appearance does not mean that a person 

evidencing that behavior or appearance is necessarily "gay." 

17. Help people to help themselves by increasing their sense of self-worth, self-acceptance, and selfreliance 

so they can take charge of their own lives and integrate their feeling, thinking, and behavior 

in a positive way. 

18. Know when your skills and knowledge reach their limit. Refer people elsewhere when they need 

help that you cannot effectively supply. 

19. Know when and negative feelings you may have toward lesbians/gay men prevent you from 

offering unprejudiced help. If you cannot change your feelings, refer elsewhere. 

20. Acquaint yourself with pro-gay referral resources in your area. 

21. Acquaint yourself particularly with lesbian/gay men's networks in your area so you can inform 

people of these resources. 

22. Help work for the human and civil rights of lesbians and gay men in order to create a more 

positive environment for everyone. 

56

Questions to Consider Before Coming Out 

Taken from "READ THIS Before Coming Out to Your Parents," a PFLAG publication. 

Are you sure about your sexual orientation 

Don't raise the issue unless you're able to respond with confidence to the question "Are you sure" Confusion on your part 

will increase your parents' confusion and decrease their confidence in your conclusions. 

Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality 

If you're wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you'll feel better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them 

may require tremendous energy on your part; it will require a reserve of positive self-image. 

Do you have support 

In the event that your parents' reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn 

to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical. 

Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality 

Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. It you've done some 

serious reading on the subject; you'll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research. 

What's the emotional climate at home 

If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they're not dealing with such matters as 

the death of a close friend, pending surgery, or the loss of a job 

Can you be patient 

Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven't considered it prior to your sharing. The process 

may last from six months to two years. 

What's your motive for coming out now 

Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or 

during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon. 

Do you have available resources 

Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book 

addressed to parents, a contact for the local or national PFLAG, or the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal fairly 

with the issue. 

Are you financially dependent on your parents 

If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait 

until they do not have this weapon to hold over you. 

What is your general relationship with your parents 

If you've gotten along well and have always known their love - and shared your love for them in return - chances are they'll 

be able to deal with the issues in a positive way. 

What is their moral societal view 

If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious 

problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they've evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other 

changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you. 

Is this your decision 

Not everyone should come out to his or her parents. Don't be pressured into it if you're not sure you'll be better off doing 

so - no matter what their response. 

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60

Understand Homophobia 

Ho.mo.pho.bi.a n: an irrational, and persistent fear, dread, hatred of homosexuals or homosexuality. 

Personal Homophobia is a prejudice based on a personal belief that lesbian, gay, and 

bisexual people are sinful, immoral, sick, inferior, to heterosexuals, or incomplete women and men. 

Interpersonal Homophobia is individual behavior based on personal homophobia. This 

hatred or dislike may be expressed by name-calling, telling “jokes,” verbal and physical harassment, 

and other individual acts of discrimination. 

Institutional Homophobia refers to the many ways in which government, business, churches, 

and other institutions and organizations discriminate against people on the basis of sexual orientation. 

Institutional homophobia is also called, “heterosexism.” 

Cultural Homophobia refers to social standards and norms that dictate that being 

heterosexual is better or more moral than being gay, lesbian, or bisexual, and that everyone is, or 

should be, heterosexual. Cultural homophobia is also called, “heterosexism.” 

Things To Do 

Be aware that homophobia affects different people in different ways. 

Be on the alert for subtle homophobia. Subtle homophobia is insidious because it is often 

difficult to detect, but it is as harmful as overt homophobia and must always be challenged. 

Look beneath the surface and learn the hidden language of homophobia; for example, people 

who champion “family values” may be using family values to disguise their homophobia. 

Don’t mourn; fight. While it is natural for victims to feel victimized, we must be careful not to 

allow a victim mentality to dominate our lives. Stay optimistic. 

Contact the Campaign to End Homophobia and request pamphlets and other resources 

dealing with homophobia. 

Read a comprehensive study of homophobia. 

Examples of How Personal Homophobia is Harmful 

It inhibits intimacy between same sex friends and family members. (This is especially true for 

men.) Cybill, Sheppard, a supporter of gay and lesbian rights, states, “It’s very important for 

one’s mental health to get over homophobia, because at some level it’s about accepting our 

own sex.” 

It can cause you to commit crimes against gays and lesbians, and you will have to suffer the 

consequences of these crimes (prison or fines). 

It damages your character by making you intolerant. 

Your personal homophobia is contagious. You can infect malleable adults and children with 

your prejudices. 

It destroys families when a member is ostracized for being gay or lesbian. 

It promotes a false view of reality. 

It promotes role playing, thus limiting your life and experiences. 

Benefits of Ending Personal Homophobia 

It opens your mind to the variety of relations that can exist. 

It allows you to rid yourself of harmful beliefs and misinformation. 

It removes hate and the negative feelings that burden your heart and soul, and brings peace 

and freedom into your life. 

It makes you a nicer person. 

It has a positive impact on society as a whole. 

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Things To Do 

Seek out gay and lesbian friends. 

Accept sexual diversity. Remember that homosexuality is a natural and intricate part of the 

human condition, that it has always been and will always be as long as humanity exists. 

Get to the origin of your homophobia. Discover the immediate source. Here are some 

reasons why heterosexuals are homophobic: 

1. Fear of being labeled gay or lesbian 

2. Belief that homosexuality is a threat to the family structure. The greatest threats to 

the family structure are drug and alcohol abuse, infidelity, and unemployment. 

3. Fear of differences. 

4. Belief that homosexuality is immoral and unnatural. 

Discuss your homophobia with a therapist. 

Participate in discussion groups on personal homophobia. 

Remember that homophobia, not homosexuality, is immoral. 

Join Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) and develop friendships with other 

members of this organization. You will learn from non-homophobic heterosexuals. 

Contribute financially to organizations that fight homophobia. 

Read gay-positive literature on homosexuality and homophobia. 

Arguments Use Against Homosexuals and Bisexuals 

Some of the common arguments are: 

Homosexuality is unnatural. There is an element of truth in this assertion. The more than 

90% of adults who are heterosexual find sexual attraction to a member of the opposite sex to 

be natural; same-sex attraction for them is unnatural. However, for a homosexual, the reverse 

is true. Same-sex attraction is the most natural thing in the world for them; sexual activity with 

a member of the opposite sex is unnatural. 

Homosexuality is an attack on the family. This argument is often used to oppose 

recognition of same-sex relationships. There are certain situations in society, which have 

been called “zero-sum”. This is where one group loses whenever another groups gains. An 

example is welfare payments. If allowances are increased, then the rest of the population who 

are not on welfare must have their taxes increased. One group can only benefit at the 

expense of the rest of the population. Recognition of homosexual relationships is not a “zerosum” 

situation. If john and James get married and Jane and Mary get married, then this does 

not adversely affect Sue and Tom’s marriage one iota. Recognition of same-sex relationships 

does not attack marriage and the family; it merely enlarges the meaning of the words, 

“marriage, “and “family” to make them more inclusive. In the past, there were laws that 

prohibited people of different races from marrying. With the repeal of these laws, “the family” 

was not adversely affected; it was enhanced. 

The Bible condemns homosexuality. In reality, the Hebrew Scriptures appear to condemn 

homosexual rape. They also prohibit temple prostitution, both homosexual and heterosexual. 

The Christian Scriptures do contain a criticism of homosexual behavior in the writings of St. 

Paul. But these are believed by many to be his personal beliefs, which are at variance with 

the basic Gospel message. St. Paul also condemned women speaking in church, for 

example. Just as most religious institutions admit women to positions of power, some argue 

that we need to go beyond St. Paul’s cultural beliefs about homosexual behavior. 

Homosexuals recruit young people. Some homosexuals are pedophiles; they are sexually 

attracted to children. Some pedophiles act on their desires and attempt to seduce children. 

However, most pedophiles and most child sexual abusers are heterosexual. 

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Almost all heterosexuals do not abuse children; almost all homosexuals do not either. 

The belief that homosexuals recruit young people is based on the mistaken notion that a person 

can be influenced to change their sexual orientation. Young people do not become homosexual 

or bisexual because an older person seduces them; one’s sexual orientation is in some cases 

determined at the instant of conception. In all cases, it is fixed by the time they reach school age. 

63

Taken from Wall, V. (1995). Beyond Tolerance: Gays, lesbians and bisexuals on campus. A handbook of structured experiences and exercises for training and 

development. American College Personnel Association. 

Homophobic Levels of Attitude 

1. Repulsion 

Homosexuality is seen as a crime against nature. Gays/lesbians are sick, crazy, immoral, sinful, wicked, etc. Anything is 

justified to change them: prison, hospitalization, negative behavior therapy, violence, etc. 

2. Pity 

Heterosexual chauvinism. Heterosexuality is more mature and certainly to be preferred. Any possibility of becoming 

"straight" should be reinforced, and those who seem to be born that way should be pitied. 

3. Tolerance 

Homosexuality is just a phase of adolescent development that many people go through and most people grow out of. 

Thus, gays/lesbians are less mature than heterosexuals and should be treated with the protectiveness and indulgence 

one uses with a child. Gays and lesbians should not be given positions of authority because they are still working through 

their adolescent behavior. 

4. Acceptance 

Still implies there is something to accept. Characterized by such statements as "you're not a lesbian, you're a person" or 

"what you do is your own business" or "its fine with me, just don't flaunt it." 

Positive Levels of Attitude 

5. Support 

Work to safeguard the rights of lesbians and gays. People at this level may be uncomfortable themselves but they are 

aware of the homophobic climate and irrational unfairness. 

6. Admiration 

Acknowledges that being gay/lesbian in our society takes strength. People at this level are willing to truly examine their 

homophobic attitudes, values, and behaviors. 

7. Appreciation 

Value the diversity of people and see gays/lesbians as a valid part of that diversity. These people are willing to combat 

homophobia in themselves and others. 

8. Nurturance 

Assumes that gay/lesbian people are indispensable in our society. They view gays/lesbians with genuine affection and 

delight, and are willing to be allies and advocates. 

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You do not have to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual, or know someone who is, to be negatively affected 

by homophobia. Though homophobia actively oppresses gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals, it also 

hurts heterosexuals. 

 

1. Inhibits the ability of heterosexuals to form close, intimate relationships with members of 

their own sex, for fear of being perceived as gay, lesbian, or bisexual (GLB). 

2. Locks people into rigid gender-based roles that inhibit creativity and self expression; 

3. Is often used to stigmatize heterosexuals; those perceived or labeled by others to be GLB; 

children of GLB parents; parents of GLB children; and friends of GLB's. 

4. Compromises human integrity by pressuring people to treat others badly, actions that are 

contrary to their basic humanity. 

5. Combined with sex-phobia, results in the invisibility or erasure of GLB lives and sexuality in 

school-based sex education discussions, keeping vital information from students. Such 

erasures can kill people in the age of AIDS. 

6. Is one cause of premature sexual involvement, which increases the chances of teen 

pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Young people, of all sexual 

identities, are often pressured to become heterosexually active to prove to themselves and 

others that they are "normal." 

7. Prevents some GLB people from developing an authentic self identity and adds to the 

pressure to marry, which in turn places undue stress and often times trauma on themselves as 

well as their heterosexual spouses, and their children. 

8. Inhibits appreciation of other types of diversity, making it unsafe for everyone because each 

person has unique traits not considered mainstream or dominant. We are all diminished when 

any one of us is demeaned. 

By challenging homophobia, people are not only fighting oppression for specific groups of people, but 

are striving for a society that accepts and celebrates the differences in all of us. For more about this 

topic, see Warren J. Blumenfeld, Homophobia: How We All Pay the Price (Boston: Beacon Press, 

1992) 

 

 

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For those in the closet 

 

• The necessity to lie and pretend constantly. 

• Can't be affectionate with a loved one except when alone. 

• Having to pretend the person you're with is not your lover whenever someone else is around. 

• Having people try to "fix you up" with members of the opposite sex. 

• Unsolicited advice such as "you'll never catch a man/woman if you act/dress like that." 

• Assumptions that you and everyone else are heterosexual. 

• Being around people who are "flaunting" their heterosexuality while having to hide your sexuality. 

• Having a hard time finding/meeting other lesbian, gay or bisexual people. 

• Thinking you are the only one. 

• Thinking something is wrong with you. 

• Never feeling that you fit in; constantly feeling uncomfortable. 

• Never feeling safe/close to another person because of this secret. 

• Feeling panic about being found out, and feeling like a coward or a dishonest person. 

For those coming out 

• Not just the fear expressed above (which is bad enough) but also the reality - the things you were afraid 

would happen actually do happen. 

• Rejection from friends, roommates, hall mates, family and/or teachers. 

• Rejection of your friends or your lover. 

• Rejection of other things that are important to you -- your work, interests, etc. 

• People refusing to accept your sexual orientation, seeing it as a phase, trying to convince you to change - 

- "see a psychiatrist" or "you'll grow out of it." 

• Having to deal with fear and anger toward you from nearly everyone, including those who have been 

your best supporters on everything else. 

• Losing your job, your living space and financial support. 

• Getting lower grades than you think you deserve and wondering if this is why. 

• Subtle rejection or distance from many people and having to wonder if it's real or not. Feeling crazy and 

all alone. Not having any reality checks. 

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For those who are already out of the closet 

• The things you feared would happen don't happen just once, which is hard enough, but they happen 

regularly. 

• Dealing constantly with homophobia and heterosexism. 

• Dealing with put-downs, slurs, homophobic jokes, and being talked about or stared at by others. 

• Not getting jobs nor into groups and organizations. 

• Not getting accepted into graduate school. 

• Being made into a special case - a "good" or "different" gay, lesbian or bisexual person. 

• Any affection you show toward a same-gender person is seen as a sexual "come on." 

• Encountering verbal or physical abuse/violence against you by total strangers just because of who you 

are. 

• Encountering emotional abuse in the form of anti-gay graffiti, jokes and defaced posters. 

• Subtle rejection and avoidance by friends and acquaintances who move slightly farther apart or cross the 

street when you walk by, then deny they are doing this. 

• Not having guaranteed civil rights protection to grieve discrimination. 

• Outright legalized mistreatment such as having children taken away, being denied access to your lover, 

and not getting employment benefits that are given to opposite sex partners. 

• Mistreatment by police officers, who may blame the victim; law courts; and the prison system. 

• Dealing with people's misinformation and AIDS fears. 

• Getting psychiatric/psychological abuse when seeking help. 

• Lack of role models and services that meet your needs as a gay man, lesbian, or bisexual man or woman. 

(IE, the library or bookstore may not stock newspapers, books or journals that cover the lesbian, gay and 

bisexual community.) 

• Being in the position of having to educate heterosexuals about their own homophobia. 

• Finding that programs and educational activities about heterosexism and homophobia are not a routine 

part of what's happening -- having to organize them yourself if they are to happen at all. 

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Homophobia and You The Heterosexual Questionnaire 

If we turn around questions commonly asked of gay, lesbian, and bisexual people, we can see a whole 

different perspective on sexual orientation. 

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality 

2. When and how did you decide you were heterosexual 

3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you may grow out of 

4. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems form a neurotic fear of others of the same sex 

5. If you’ve never slept with a person of the same sex, it is possible that all you need is a good 

gay lover 

6. Do your parents know that you are straight Do your friends and/or roommate know How did 

they react 

7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality Can’t you just be who you are and keep it quiet 

8. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex 

9. Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle 

10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose 

children to heterosexual teachers 

11. Just what do women and men do in bed together How can they truly know how to please each other, 

being so anatomically different 

12. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is incredibly high. Why are there so 

few stable relationships among heterosexuals 

13. Statistics show that lesbians have the lowest incidence of sexually transmitted diseases. Is it really 

safe for a woman to maintain a heterosexual lifestyle and run the risk of disease and pregnancy 

14. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality 

15. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were 

heterosexual 

16. There seems to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable 

you to change if you really wanted to. Have you considered trying aversive therapy 

17. Would you want your child to be heterosexual, knowing the problems that he/she would face 

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Ways We Keep People In The Closet and Ways To Help Them Out 

Ways To Alienate 

-No established support group for gay/lesbian persons. 

-Closet supporters of gay/lesbian rights or views. 

-An affirmative action statement that’s general or includes only women and racial minorities. 

-A minority affairs office who’s true mission is to serve the needs of all minority students, when 

gay/lesbians are clearly not considered in this group. 

-Actions that demonstrate harassment of racial minorities are unacceptable. 

-An office where it feels uncomfortable to openly disclose one’s sexual orientation. 

-Publications, fliers, and handbooks that assume heterosexuality. 

-Telling or laughing at jokes that make fun of gay/lesbian persons. 

-Diversity training that does not include gay/lesbian topics. 

-Assuming that there are no gay/lesbian people in your class or at your job. 

Ways to Include/Support 

-Support with time and space, not just words, then start of this type of group. 

-Vocal and open supporters. 

-A statement that clearly states gay/lesbian persons. 

-To insure that this office is inclusive or other supports are in place. 

-Actions and policies that demonstrate harassment of gay/lesbian persons is unacceptable. 

-An office that makes people feel free to be who they are. 

-Publications, fliers, and handbooks that take into account sexual orientation differences. 

-Not supporting jokes that put down any group of people. 

-Diversity training that gives equal time to this topic. 

-Showing them that, whether they need it or use it, your support is there. 

When you Meet Lesbians, Gays, and Bisexuals 

Hints for Heterosexuals 

1. Do not run screaming from the room. This is rude. 

2. If you must back away, do so slowly and with discretion. 

3. Do not assume that they are attracted to you. 

4. Do not assume that they are not attracted to you. 

5. Do not expect them to be as excited about meeting a heterosexual as you may be about 

meeting a gay, lesbian, or bisexual (they were probably raised with straights). 

6. Do not immediately start talking about your boy-girlfriend or husband/wife in order to make it 

clear that you are straight. They probably already know. 

7. Do not ask them how they got that way. Instead ask yourself how you got the way you are. 

8. Do not assume they are dying to talk about being gay, lesbian, or bisexual. 

9. Do not expect them to refrain from talking about being gay, lesbian, or bisexual. 

10. Do not trivialize their experience by assuming it is a bedroom issue only. They are gay 24 

hours a day. 

11. Do not assume they want to be treated like the opposite sex. 

12. If you are tempted to tell them to take the easy way out; don’t. 

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Heterosexual Privileges 

As a heterosexual, I am privileged to be able to be free of fear 

and walk across campus holding my girlfriend's or boyfriend's 

 

hand. 

As a heterosexual, I am privileged that I can be a member of 

ROTC without fear of being "found out" and losing my 

 

scholarship as well as my career plans. 

As a heterosexual, I am privileged to join a fraternity or 

sorority without fear of being rejected based on my sexual 

 

identity. 

As a heterosexual, I am privileged to be able to talk freely 

about my "relationships" with roommates, friends, and family. 

As a heterosexual, I am privileged to play varsity sports 

without the fear of being removed from the team because of 

 

my sexual identity. 

As a heterosexual, I am privileged to walk into any bar or 

dance with my partner and dance without fear of being 

 

verbally or physically abused. 

As a heterosexual, I am privileged to interview for jobs and be 

able to discuss my plans for marriage without fear of being 

 

discriminated against. 

As a heterosexual, I am privileged to run for a student 

leadership position without students focusing only on my 

 

sexual identity. 

As a heterosexual, I am privileged to walk this campus without 

fear of physical or verbal harm based solely on my sexual 

 

identity. 

As a heterosexual, I am privileged that I am a member of the 

dominant culture and I MAY CHOOSE TO BE AN ALLY for 

 

gay, lesbian, and bisexual students. 

 

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Visualize a Non-homophobic Society 

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; 

indeed it is the only thing that ever has. 

~Dr. Margaret Mead 

The process of visualizing a non-homophobic society must start with a present understanding of 

the prevalence of homophobia, making a commitment to change and developing a vision for the 

future. Gay and lesbian activists have a responsibility to establish a concrete view made clear, in 

writing to ensure that life will be better for future generations. 

EXAMPLE OF A VISION FOR A NON-HOMOPHOBIC SOCIETY 

A non-homophobic society will benefit all people. It will be a society where freedom and justice 

prevails, where homosexuality will have equal status, with heterosexuality, where gay and lesbian 

people will be free to discuss their relationships and interact normally in public with their 

companions, as heterosexual people do now, without fearing the scorn of society, where sexual 

orientation is a non-issue, where instead of putting our energies into fighting homophobia, we will 

focus completely on our careers, relationships, and reaching or full potential as human beings. 

Things To Do 

Write a declaration of your commitment to fight homophobia. 

Put your declaration in a prominent place in your home or office. 

Once a month write a list of concrete things you did to fight homophobia. 

If you fail to produce a list, then you need to reaffirm your commitment. 

Write a declaration of your vision for a non-homophobic society. This statement should 

reflect your attitudes, values, and beliefs for an ideal society, and include what you would 

eliminate from and add to the present structure. For example, “I, _____________, affirm 

my love for humankind and respect its diversity. I recognize that gay, lesbian, and bisexual 

people are valued members of society, and that their sexual orientation is normal and 

healthy, that they should be treated with the same respect and dignity as heterosexuals, 

and that they should be free from fear and discrimination.” 

Discuss your vision with others; perhaps they will contribute something. Encourage them 

to create a vision of their own. 

Revisit and review your vision regularly, adding or subtracting when necessary. 

Remember, creating a vision will not itself bring change; a vision can only become reality 

through action. 

List the benefits of a non-homophobic society. For example: 

No tension between homosexual, bisexual, and/or heterosexual people. 

No tension in families with gay, lesbian, and bisexual members. 

Men would not have to continuously prove their masculinity, thus reducing levels of 

violence. 

There would be no closet making it unnecessary for gay, lesbian, or bisexual people to 

come out of. 

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Use Non-Homophobic Language 

Speech is a mirror of the soul; as a man speaks, so is he. 

~SYRUS 

You Should Know 

--The expression of gay lifestyle is homophobic. There is not gay lifestyle just as there is no 

heterosexual lifestyle. Lifestyle is determined by class and economic differences, not sexual 

orientation. 

--While gay and lesbian people may call each other queer, fag, or dyke, they consider it homophobic 

and offensive when heterosexual people use these words. 

Things To Do 

--Understand and accept that gay and lesbian people are a diverse group and thus will define 

themselves differently. You can avoid embarrassing or hurtful situations by asking your gay and 

lesbian friends what words they would prefer you to use if you are unsure. 

--You can weaken the connection between oppression and language when you avoid using words 

that describe homosexuality in negative terms. 

--If you are struggling with personal or internalized homophobia, focus your energy on controlling the 

language of your thoughts. If you don’t think it, then you won’t feel it. You will find that this mental 

exercise will reinforce your use of non-homophobic language and therefore help to reduce your 

homophobia. 

--Use sexual orientation instead of sexual preference. Preference implies that all gay and lesbian 

people made a conscious decision to be homosexual. 

--Companion is the acceptable term for heterosexuals to use when describing the partner of a gay or 

lesbian person. While some homosexual people still like to use the term lover, it’s inappropriate in 

political or mainstream situations because it only defines the sexual aspect of the relationship. 

--Some gay men prefer gay to homosexual, feeling that homosexual is a cold, clinical word. 

--Inform heterosexuals when they use homophobic language, but be careful not to alienate by using a 

hostile tone. They may be unaware that their words are offensive and just need to be told. 

--Don’t dismiss non-homophobic language as a politically correct euphemism. Gay and lesbian 

people are changing the negative language that society uses to define them and are defining 

themselves in a way they feel is correct. 

--Remember that positive language elevates. 

72

Know the Facts: Distinguish Between Myth and Reality 

EXAMPLES OF MYTHS AND FACTS: 

Myth: Bay and lesbian people already have civil rights. What they want is special rights. 

Fact: Gay and lesbian people want the same rights as heterosexuals, protection under the law 

from discrimination. 

Myth: Homosexuality is unnatural and a depravity. 

Fact: Homosexuality is a unique part of human nature and even exists in some animal species. 

Myth: Lesbians are man haters. 

Fact: Most lesbians don’t hate men. Lesbianism is about women loving women. 

Myth: Gay men hate women. 

Fact: Some men, gay and heterosexual, hate women. Everyone, regardless of gender or 

sexual orientation is capable of hating others. 

Myth: Bisexual people are confused about their sexuality. 

Fact: Many people, whether they know it or not, are bisexual to some degree. There is nothing 

confusing about being sexually attracted to both genders. 

Myth: Bay and lesbian relationships don’t last. 

Fact: Many same sex relationships maintain lifelong commitments or are relationships that last 

for many years. Heterosexuals from relationships that also vary in length. 

Myth: Gay and lesbian people can’t reproduce, so in order to increase their ranks they 

recruit children. 

Fact: No one can be forced to be gay or lesbian. Homosexuality is innate and same-gender 

sexual attraction comes from within. 

Myth: Gay men molest children. 

Fact: Most child molestation cases involve heterosexual men preying on female children. 

Studies show that it is the children’s’ fathers, stepfathers, and mother’s boyfriends who molest 

children the most. 

Myth: Lesbian and gay people can be cured by changing their behavior and thorough 

therapy. 

Fact: While a small number of gay and lesbian people try to change their sexual orientation by 

changing their behavior, their fundamental homosexual desire always remains. They 

accomplish nothing constructive and only make themselves and heterosexuals they become 

involved with miserable. 

 

 

 

 

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1. Don't: Assume that everyone is either homosexual or heterosexual. 

Do: Assume everyone is a sexual person who may be attracted to and/or sexually or romantically 

involved with a partner of the same or opposite sex. Attraction and/or involvement fall along a 

continuum for everyone, which can vary over time. 

2. Don't: Assume that a lesbian, gay, or bisexual person's sexuality is the most important aspect of that 

person. 

Do: Assume that everyone is a multi-faceted individual for who sexuality is one aspect of his/her life 

among many. 

3. Don't: Assume that gay, lesbian, or bisexual is the cause of a problem in the person's life. "He's 

depressed all the time because he's gay." 

Do: Assume that gay, lesbian, and bisexual people have the same problems as everyone else. They are 

just as likely to be well adjusted, and just as likely to have difficulty coping with stresses in their lives. 

Because of discrimination, they have to deal with particular stresses. 

4. Don't: Assume that being gay in our society is so hard and presents so many problems that you should 

feel sorry for lesbian, gay, and bisexual people and/or assume that they would all really rather be 

heterosexual. 

Do: Assume that a same-sex erotic and romantic orientation is as legitimate as an opposite-sex 

orientation. 

5. Don't: Assume that being gay, lesbian, or bisexual "doesn't matter." They are the same as everybody 

else, and I treat everyone the same. 

Do: Assume the experience of being gay, lesbian, or bisexual in a homophobic and heterosexist society 

has a profound effect on how that person views him/herself and how she/he experiences the world. 

 

 

 

 

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1. DON'T: Assume all mothers/fathers are heterosexual. 

DO: Assume that a parent might be heterosexual or a lesbian or gay man. 

2. DON'T: Assume that all married women/men are heterosexual. 

DO: Assume that a person who is married might have gay/lesbian feeling, might or have 

been involved in a gay/lesbian relationship. 

3. DON'T: Assume all sexually active women use birth control. 

DO: Assume that a sexually active woman might have either a male or female sexual 

partner; with a male partner, she would need birth control. 

4. DON'T: Assume when interacting with a "single" adult, that person's only "family members" 

are parents, siblings, grandparents, etc. 

DO: Assume that any "single" person might be involved in a life-long committed 

relationship with a same sex partner who is as much a "family member" as a husband or 

wife. 

5. DON'T: Assume that all children live in families consisting of the kid and a male-female 

couple or the kid and a single parent. 

DO: Assume any kid might live in a family consisting of the kid and a single parent, the kid 

and an opposite-sex couple, or the kid and a same-sex couple. 

6. DON'T: Assume that everyone will find male-female sexually suggestive imagery erotic, or 

that everyone will find banter about male-female sexual intrigue funny or playful. 

DO: Assume that in any group of people, it is highly likely that there is at least one person 

who is much more interested in same-sex imagery and intrigue. 

7. DON'T: Assume that the term "women" refers only to heterosexual women, and that the 

term "men" refers only to heterosexual men. 

DO: Include lesbians in your use of the generic "women" and gay men in your use of the 

generic "men", for example in a discussion of women's sexuality include relating with samesex 

and opposite-sex partners, or in a list of organizations for fathers include groups for gay 

fathers. 

75

What Does the Christian Bible Say 

Taken from "What Does the Christian Bible Say" by Frank Jernigan, GLBSB Newsletter, 3-4 (1992). 

On the Defense 

Here is a brief description of key verses used to condemn [LGB people], and what they really mean: 

Leviticus 18:22 - "Thou shall not lie with mankind as with womankind: it is an abomination." There is 

a similar reference repeated in Lev. 20:13.) Both references probably pertain to temple prostitution 

and idolatry. They are no longer under the law. If this law is still in effect, all the other laws described 

in Leviticus would also be in effect (the requirement for circumcision, prohibitions against eating pork 

and shellfish, etc.) Ask [yourself] how many people follow those rules. Leviticus is the only apparently 

explicit reference to homosexuality in the Old Testament. 

Genesis 19:4-9 - The story of Sodom leading up to the city's destruction became the basis of the 

belief that the sin of Sodom was homosexuality (hence the term "sodomite"). 

The offense described in this passage is not homosexual behavior, but rather the mistreatment of 

strangers and rape. Ezekiel 16:49-50 (NIV) says "Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and 

her daughters were arrogant, overfed, and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and the needy. 

They were haughty and did detestable things before me." 

What Jesus had to say about homosexuality - Nothing! 

What Paul had to say about homosexuals - The word translated as "homosexual" in modern 

verses of the Bible ("effeminate" in the King James version) is much disputed and probably means 

male temple prostitute. It would be difficult to deny that Paul was your basic homophobe, as most 

explicitly revealed in Romans 1:26-27 ("Because of this [practice of idolatry], God gave them over to 

shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way 

the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. 

Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their 

perversion.") 

He goes on to describe these same people as being "filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed, 

and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, 

God-haters, insolent, arrogant, and boastful..." In fact, every person is included here in one category 

or another, including all born-again Christians. This is merely the beginning of Paul's premise that 

"There is no one righteous, not even one," which he follows with the explanation that salvation cannot 

come by our own efforts, but only through the grace of God. 

On the Offense 

There are many biblical passages that suggest God loves lesbigays as much as he loves any human 

being, including our behavior: 

Old Testament - A prominently recurring theme is that God is on the side of the oppressed (Psalm 

103:6 - "The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed." Psalm 82:3 - "Defend the 

76

cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.") There are many 

others. 

"Do not mistreat an alien [stranger, misfit, or queer] or oppress him, for you were aliens in Egypt." 

This is one of the most repeated commandments in the Old Testament. Exodus 22:21, 23:9, Leviticus 

19:34, Deuteronomy 24:17, and over thirty similar verses in the rest of the Old Testament. Compare 

the number of verses proscribing homosexual acts (two, if any) and the number of verses proscribing 

mistreatment of queers (over thirty). Which do you think God is more concerned about 

New Testament - Which of the following is closer to a statement of the "gospel," the "good news" that 

Christ commissioned his followers to tell the world: 

A. God, the unrelenting avenger of sin, is coming to seek out all people unworthy of eternal life to 

throw them in the fires of Hell for eternal torment. Therefore, you better try to understand every 

requirement of God (both do's and don'ts) and try as hard as you can to live according to them, in the 

almost impossible hope that you won't be among the condemned. 

B. God, who is love, unbounded and unconditional, has completed in Christ whatever was necessary 

(for whatever reason it was necessary) to reunite all people with God. By experiencing, i.e., receiving, 

trusting in, contemplating the reality of this divine acceptance, we can grow in our ability to feel and 

express this kind of love for other people. 

A prominently recurring theme, God's unconditional love, is found in the following passages: 

Romans 8:38 - "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the 

present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will 

be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

I John 3:1 - "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of 

God!" 

I John 4:7-12 - "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves 

has been born of God and knows God. [My, how inclusive!] Whoever does not love does not know 

God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son 

into the world that we might live through him. This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us 

and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also 

ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love each other, God lives in us and 

his love is made complete in us." [Is it even remotely conceivable that such love would exclude 

people on the basis of their sexual orientation]. 

And finally, 

Romans 8:31 - "If God is for us, who can be against us" 

77

Emphasize the Positive 

EXAMPLES 

o Being gay, lesbian, or bisexual in natural, normal, and healthy. 

o Homosexuality exists in every race, religion, and class. Scientists have even observed 

homosexual behavior in some animal species. 

o Gay and lesbian people participate in all professions. There are gay and lesbian bankers, 

lawyers, doctors, artists, writers, scientists, soldiers, police officers, politicians, actors, chefs, 

managers, waiters, preachers, and teachers. 

o Despite the prejudice directed against them, most gay and lesbian people are strong and 

determined enough to rise above the destruction of homophobia and live as normal, welladjusted, 

law-abiding citizens. 

o Openly gay and lesbian people are courageous and should be commended for their honesty 

and bravery. 

o Looking at history, one will find gay and lesbian people among the world’s most accomplished 

and prominent citizens. Renowned historical figures who were gay, lesbian, or bisexual 

include: 

Sappho; Greek Poet 

Socrates; Greek Philosopher 

Alexander the Great; Greek Military Leader 

Leonardo da Vinci; Italian Painter and Inventor 

Queen Christina; Swedish Monarch 

Walt Whitman; American Poet 

Oscar Wilde; Irish Writer 

Marcel Proust; French Writer 

Willa Cather; American Writer 

Gertrude Stein; American Writer and Poet 

E. M. Forster; English Writer 

Bessie Smith; American Singer 

Greta Garbo; American Actress born in Sweden 

Tennessee Williams; American Playwright 

James Baldwin; American Writer 

Yukio Mishima; Japanese Writer 

Things To Do 

o Make your own list of positive aspects of being gay, lesbian, or bisexual. 

o Focus on the positive features within yourself or your gay, lesbian, and bisexual friends. 

o Compare your life and experiences with the negative representations of gay, lesbian, and 

bisexual people you encounter. By comparing your life or the lives of your gay, lesbian, or 

bisexual friends to these representations, you can demonstrate to yourself and others that the 

negativity is grounded in homophobia. 

o Avoid reinforcing negative stereotypes. 

o Challenge homophobic people to say something positive about gay, lesbian, and bisexual 

people. 

o Know about the contribution of gay, lesbian, and bisexual people to society. 

o Remain vigilant. Homophobia is widespread and can be contagious; you will constantly 

encounter negative feelings toward gay, lesbian, and bisexual people. You can prevent 

homophobia from infiltrating your thoughts by reinforcing and emphasizing your positive 

attitude. 

78

Homophobia may be defined as an unrealistic fear of or generalized negative attitude toward 

homosexual people. Homophobia may be experienced and expressed by lesbians and gay men as 

by non-gays. 

1. Do you stop yourself from doing or saying certain things because someone might think you're gay 

or lesbian If yes, what things 

2. Do you ever intentionally do of say things so that people will think you're non-gay 

3. Do you believe that gays or lesbians can influence others to become homosexual Do you think 

someone could influence you to change your sexual and affectional preference 

4. If you were a parent, how would you (or do you) feel about having a lesbian daughter or a gay son 

5. How do you think you would feel if you discovered that one of your parents or parent figures, or a 

brother or sister, were gay or lesbian 

6. Are there any jobs, positions, or professions that you think lesbians and gays should be barred 

from holding or entering If yes, why 

7. Would you go to a physician whom you knew or believed to be gay or lesbian if that person were of 

a different gender from you If that person were of the same gender as you If not, why not 

8. If someone you care about were to say to you, “I think I'm gay," would you suggest that the person 

see a therapist 

9. Have you ever been to a gay or lesbian bar, social club, or march If not, why not 

10. Would you wear a button that says, "How dare you presume I'm heterosexual" If not, why not 

11. Can you think of three positive aspects of a gay or lesbian lifestyle Can you think of three 

negative aspects of a non-gay lifestyle 

12. Have you ever laughed at a “queer” joke 

81

Self-Appraisal 

The following questions explore attitudinal and emotional issues with regard to lesbians, bisexuals, 

and gay men. Please answer each question as honestly as possible. 

1. If someone of the same sex were to ask me out on a date, I would…and I would feel… 

2. If I found myself attracted to someone of the same sex, I would…OR when I first found myself 

attracted to someone of the same sex, I… 

3. If I saw two women or two men kissing in public, I might feel… 

4. When I see a man acting “feminine,” I… 

5. When I see a woman acting “masculine,” I… 

6. If a gay/lesbian/bisexual client disclosed that he/she was attracted to me, I would… 

7. The thing I would like most about being gay, bisexual, or lesbian would be… 

8. Something that, quite frankly, I don’t understand about being lesbian/bisexual/gay is… 

9. I think that the hardest thing about being lesbian, gay, or homosexual would be… 

10. I think that my biggest issue in working with lesbian clients, be it attitudinal, experiential or 

some combination of the two, is… 

11. I think that same issue with my gay male clients is… 

12. And what about bisexuals 

13. I have ______gay male, ______bisexual, and ______lesbian friends that I know of. 

14. If a lesbian, bisexual, or gay male client began to discuss very sexually explicit material with 

me, I would feel… 

15. I know that I’m heterosexual because… 

82

Scenario 1 

Mohammed is an African-American transfer student at RM-C. His R.A. referred him to you for 

counseling after an incident that happened on his floor. Mo tells you that last weekend when he 

arrived back on campus after visiting his family, he found that the door to his room had been 

vandalized. On it were the words, “GO HOME FAGGOT,” “DIE QUEER,” and “YOU DESERVE TO 

HAVE AIDS,” written in permanent marker, along with pictures of men (clothes and unclothed) taped 

to it. Immediately, Mo told his R.A., who in turn informed his supervisors. The Residence Life staff 

tried their best to find the culprit, but they were unable to identify a suspect and no one on the floor 

was talking. Mo said he felt hesitant to talk to one of the hall counselors, because he wasn’t sure 

what the confidentiality policy was like. He feels unsafe in the halls, but doesn’t have enough money 

to live off campus, and knows very few people who he feels close enough to confide in. Mo shakes 

his head and puts his forehead in his hands and says, “I can’t believe this is happening again.” 

As an Ally, what would you do/say 

What are some of the issues that are being dealt with in this case 

Scenario 2 

It is April and the annual Junior-Senior prom is fast approaching at Ashland High School. Several 

openly gay teachers have volunteered to serve as chaperones with their same-sex partners, as well 

as some other “straight” teachers and parents. Mrs. Molina, the school counselor, also serves as 

prom committee advisor. She realizes that some people in the community will have negative 

reactions to the idea of having homosexual chaperones. Not only is she worried about the success of 

the event, but now she has to worry about the teachers’ safety, too. Even though Mrs. Molina 

supports equal rights for all people and tries to be open minded because of her role as counselor, her 

Catholic upbringing makes it difficult to accept this alternative lifestyle. She believes that they gay 

couples would not be appropriate role models for the impressionable, young students. 

As a member of the Ally program, Mrs. Molina seeks out your advice in consultation. What do you 

advise her to do 

What are some of the pros and cons of the situation you must address in order to resolve the issue 

83

LGBT/Ally Jeopardy 

Heterosexism and Homophobia 

1. This Wyoming college student was killed the fall of 1998 in a gay bashing incident. 

*Who is Matthew Shephard 

2. This term refers to the assumption that only other-gendered attractions and sexual behavior are 

normal and acceptable 

*What is “heterosexism” 

Famous lbgt People 

1. This famous human rights leader was also married to a U.S. president while having an affair with a 

woman journalist. 

*Who was Eleanor Roosevelt 

2. This famous African-American writer, associated with the Harlem Renaissance, was the author of, 

“Go Tell it on the Mountain,” and, “Giovanni’s Room,” among other works. 

*Who was James Baldwin 

Lbgt History 

1. This first large-scale protest against police harassment of sexual minority people occurred in June 

1969. 

*What is the Stonewall Rebellion 

2. This national association removed its statement that homosexuality was a symptom of mental 

illness in 1972. 

*Who is the American Psychiatric Association 

Lbgt Signs and Symbols 

1. This common symbol of the gay/lesbian/bisexual communities was first used in the Nazi 

concentration camps to identify gay men. 

*What is the pink triangle 

2. This relatively recent symbol of the lesbian/bisexual/gay community was developed in San 

Francisco to represent the diversity present in the community. 

*What is the rainbow 

3. This symbol, adopted by the Gay Activist Alliance in the early 1970’s, is the symbol used in 

physics to represent a form of energy, which can change its shape. 

*What is the lambda (λ) 

Identity 

1. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people who don not publicly acknowledge that aspect of 

their identity as are referred to as being: 

*What is “in the closet” 

2. Someone who supports and advocates for people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender, 

while identifying as straight or conventionally gendered is referred to as: 

*What is an Ally 

3. People whose gender identity or expression differs from the ways sanctioned by our society are 

referred to as: 

*What is “transgendered” 

Slurs 

1. Originally, this word referred to the bundles of wood used to burn “sodomites” at the stake. 

*What is a faggot 

84

2. A derisive word historically used to refer to lesbians and gay men, now reclaimed as a word 

inclusive of lesbians, gay men, bisexual, and transgender people. Still not considered acceptable for 

use outside the lbgt community. 

*What is queer 

Double Jeopardy 

This symbol indicates transgender people: 

85

I Feel Pretty, Witty, and Gay… 

Despite stereotypes, there are no discernible, reliable appearance differences between lesbians, 

gays, and bisexuals and their heterosexual counterparts. This means that heterosexuals have a 

unique opportunity to experience homophobia and heterosexism firsthand. Try the following activities 

and monitor the responses you receive from others and your own emotional reactions. Exercise 

safety. 

1. Order flowers for a same-sex friend using two gender-specific names. Write a romantic 

message (“To Dave—Thanks for seven wonderful years. All my love, John”). How does the 

florist react to you Are other patrons around If so, do you find yourself speaking in hushed 

tones or rushing through your order (Note: You should probably check this out with your 

friend first…) 

2. Buy a copy of “The Advocate,” “Outlook” or any test or magazine with the words, “gay,” 

lesbian,” or “bisexual” in it. How does the vendor act toward you Carry it around…Do you 

have to fight the urge to carry it in a briefcase or with the title turned in toward your body 

3. Wear a “Love Knows no Gender” t-shirt, or display any of the several gay-positive shirts, 

bumper stickers, buttons, etc. that are available. Do you hear any snickers Do you remove 

them/not wear them in certain settings What do you think people are thinking about you 

4. Attend the march and rally this October—do you find yourself trying to make it clear that you’re 

heterosexual How does this happen How does it feel if you try to refrain from such 

clarification 

5. Like dancing Walk into Players on a Sunday night. Do you find yourself hurrying down 

College Avenue and getting in the door as quickly as possible Do people look at you 

6. Shoot the moon. Walk around town/campus holding a same-sex friend’s hand. Hold hands in 

a restaurant. Walk arm-in-arm. Call that person, “Honey” or “Sweetheart” or “Babe.” How 

vulnerable or “on display” do you feel Do you think about your physical safety Do you find 

yourself having mixed feelings about your friend such it’s hard to hold onto the “good stuff” of 

your closeness and affection If you are out on a date with your heterosexual partner/spouse, 

refrain from making such gestures. Don’t let your gaze linger more than a second. Don’t 

reach across the table and take his/her hand. Don’t put your arm around her/him at the movie. 

Imagine having to watch for others’ reactions. How does such constraint affect your intimacy 

with this person 

86

How do you Feel About Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual People 

Clarifying our attitudes and beliefs helps us to become more conscious of what we feel. The 

purpose in responding to the following items is not to try to change your attitudes and values, but 

to bring to your consciousness what those attitudes and values are. There are not “right” or 

“wrong” answers. The important thing is that you understand what you personally feel, not what 

you think you should feel. You might want to ask yourself, why you feel the way you do. 

Read each statement below and circle the “SA” if you strongly agree with the statement, “A” if you 

agree with it, “N” if you are neutral, “D” if you disagree with it, “or “SD” if you strongly disagree. 

SA A N D SD 

SA A N D SD 

SA A N D SD 

SA A N D SD 

SA A N D SD 

SA A N D SD 

SA A N D SD 

SA A N D SD 

SA A N D SD 

SA A N D SD 

SA A N D SD 

SA A N D SD 

SA A N D SD 

SA A N D SD 

SA A N D SD 

1. I feel uncomfortable when I’m with people I know are gay, lesbian, or 

bisexual. 

2. If I found out that a close friend was g/l/b, I think our friendship would 

be less close in the future. 

3. I don’t mid being around g/l/b people as long as they don’t flaunt their 

homosexuality. 

4. I believe that g/l/b people are always trying to seduce straights and win 

coverts to their lifestyle. 

5. I’m quite uncomfortable around men who are feminine acting and 

women who are masculine acting. 

6. If a close friend told me that s/he were g/l/b, it would make us closer 

because of her/his revealing something important. 

7. Gay and lesbian people are probably going to hell. 

8. I am able to accept seeing open expression of affection between gay 

and lesbian people. 

9. Adolescents should be taught about g/l/b sexuality issues in health/sex 

education classes. 

10. It’s okay to make gay or lesbian jokes once in a while. 

11. I would be interested in finding out a lot more about what g/l/b 

lifestyles are like. 

12. I believe that all g/l/b people should enjoy the same legal/constitutional 

rights and privileges as heterosexuals (job benefits, marriage, 

employment, etc.) 

13. I’d feel uncomfortable if one of my parents told me s/he was gay, 

lesbian, or bisexual. 

14. I feel angry when people always assume everyone in a group is 

heterosexual. 

15. I’d feel really uncomfortable if someone thought I was gay, lesbian, or 

bisexual. 

87

The University years are years of extreme change. Students are confronted with a variety of issues. 

Each issue is dealt with differently based on the student's maturity and the experiences that he or she 

has had. As a result, the student who may be struggling with his or her sexual identity may have a 

more difficult task as these issues appear. 

Many activities during the undergraduate years encourage students to develop self-esteem and a 

distinct identity. For the gay, lesbian and bisexual student, answering the question "Who am I" can 

be very difficult. Because homosexuality and bisexuality are not widely accepted or even seen as 

healthy or acceptable by many people, gay, lesbian and bisexual students begin the self-esteem 

battle a few steps back. 

They may question their self worth and wonder where they fit into society and the university 

community. Also, the majority of the activities during the undergraduate years are heterosexual 

based. Whether the social functions or dating, the lesbian, gay and bisexual students can experience 

extreme anxiety as he or she decides to "play the game." Coupled with this issue is the fact that most 

gays, lesbians and bisexuals do not find a community with which to connect initially. As a result gay, 

lesbian and bisexual students may feel even more isolated than heterosexual students. 

During college years students also begin to make decisions about what role religion will play in their 

lives. For lesbian, gay, and bisexual students, coming to terms with their religious beliefs can be a 

difficult task in light of the fact that homosexuality and bisexuality are not accepted in most religious 

environments. Other issues that will challenge gay, lesbian and bisexual students will be coming to 

terms with their career goals and health related issues such as coping with AIDS and the fear that 

goes with it. 

In addition, there are some unique issues that face lesbian and gay students that heterosexual 

students do not have to face. There are differences between gay men and lesbians in identifying 

oneself as lesbian or gay. Men seem to be more anxious and concerned about the possibility that 

they might be gay than women. Once the identification has been made, men tend to view it as a 

discovery in that they have finally acknowledged their homosexuality. Women, however, reconstruct 

the past by examining and emphasizing their significant friendships/relationships with other women. 

In addition there are issues concerning: 

1. Grieving the loss of membership in the dominant culture and entry into a permanently stigmatized 

group. 

2. The experience of being a minority, especially an invisible minority and its impact on one's life. 

3. Lack of family support or strong role models to help them deal with their found status and identity. 

4. Potential lack of peer support and isolation. 

Persons who are bisexual may also experience many of the above concerns. These and other issues 

may be some of the struggles experienced by those who approach you as a Safe Zone member. You, 

of course, cannot provide all the answers but your ability to listen and perhaps direct students to 

others who can be supportive and encouraging can have a significant impact. 

90

There is less clarity about the developmental issues for bisexuals and it is assumed that they 

experience many of the same issues as gay and lesbian persons. However, there are some issues 

unique to the bisexual experience. The stigma attached to bisexuality in many ways is greater than 

that attached to homosexuality. Many are open about their identity but many also hide it from both the 

heterosexual and homosexual world, believing that neither will accept them. Although many bisexuals 

tend to align themselves with gay and lesbian communities, an individual's self identification as 

bisexual is frequently met with skepticism in the homosexual community and is seen as an attempt to 

avoid the stigma of homosexuality. There is an added pressure on bisexuals to identify as 

homosexual and behave in an exclusively homosexual manner. 

 

 

When a student is both a student of color and a gay, lesbian or bisexual person, that person may feel 

that only one part of his or her identity can be important. For many it is difficult to strike a balance that 

allows them to be empowered and liberated in both their identities. Multiple oppressions affect their 

lives because: 

1. They feel they do not know who they are. 

2. They do not know which part of themselves is more important, 

3. They do not know how to deal with one part of themselves oppressing another part of themselves. 

4. They do not have any one to talk to about the split they feel in their person. 

5. They feel misunderstood by each group if they consider both parts equally important 

The experience of each racial/ethnic group is different depending on cultural values and beliefs about 

homosexuality and bisexuality and each person should be examined individually for the effects on his 

or her life of having a multiple identity. 

 

Parts taken from the Report and Recommendations of The Governor's Commission of Gay and 

Lesbian Youth. Boston, MA, July 1993 and John D'Emilio. 

By Kerry Poynter 

Although there may be some differences among the GLB student subcultures depending on what 

college or university you look at there is a general national history. This history includes GLB student 

organizations, which make up most of what describes the GLB student subculture, and stories of 

harassment or discrimination. Since the start of the modern day GLB equal rights movement in the 

United States, which took place at the Stonewall Inn in New York City in 1969, GLB students have 

been organizing student groups at colleges and universities around the country. The Stonewall Inn, a 

relatively small gay bar located on Christopher Street in Greenwich Village is heralded as the spark 

that re-ignited the modern day GLB rights movement. Police raided the bar supposedly looking for 

91

illegal sale of alcohol, which was a usual occurrence in the city's gay bars. "The Police raided and 

attempted to shut down the Stonewall, which was frequented by gay street people, drag queens, 

students, and others. While patrons usually accommodated the officials, this evening was different: 

fed up with their ongoing mistreatment, the patrons fought back. Neighborhood residents quickly 

joined the fray, flinging bottles and rocks at police in riots lasting for three nights." 

Out of these riots organizations started springing up all across the country. This included GLB student 

organizations. "The first GLB student group was chartered at Columbia University in New York City in 

1969. Named the Student Homophile League, it created quite a stir on campus and received a great 

deal of media coverage. This publicity spurred the formation of similar groups at Cornell University, 

New York University, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Stanford University, and elsewhere. 

Relatively few active members were initially involved, and groups were politically weak, but the seeds 

had been planted, and a fledgling GLB student movement was underway." 

The first "out" student government president, Jack Baker, was elected in 1970 at the University of 

Minnesota. The University of Michigan was the first to hire counselors, Cynthia Gair and Jim Toy, to 

specifically address counseling needs of GLB students. The university of Massachusetts was the first 

to hire a director, Fence Yeskel, for their new GLB student service office in 1985. 

Many stories that have been passed down over the years or are documented are about harassment 

and discrimination against GLB students and people. "Stories like these are the substance of an oral 

tradition by which gay academics who came of age before the 1970's warned one another of the 

dangers they faced and socialized their younger peers into necessary habits of caution and 

discretion." 

"In 1959, at a small midwestern college, a student told her faculty advisor that one of 

her friends was a homosexual. The advisor informed the dean, who called in the student 

in question and pressured him into naming others. Within twenty-four hours, three 

students had been expelled; a week later, one of them hung himself. 

"About the same time, a faculty member at a Big Ten school was arrested in midsemester 

on a morals charge (at that time, all homosexual expression was subject to 

criminal penalties). The police alerted the administration, and the professor was 

summarily told to leave the campus. He never appeared before his classes again." 

"At an elite college in the northeast, male student in the 1960's were in he habit of 

training a telescope on the windows of the women's dormitories. In one instance, they 

spied two female students erotically engaged. The women, not the men, were 

disciplined." 

"At a women's college in New England, where accusations of lesbianism were 

periodically leveled against roommates in the 1960's, the standard solution was to 

separate the accused by housing them in different rooms." 

92

Guidelines for Teachers 

Loving Someone Gay 

Don Clark, Ph.D. 

From nursery school through college, the teacher is the one professional person who is 

sure to have contact with every developing gay person. Much of the early learning 

about our society (and consequently much of the early negative learning about Gay self) 

happens in school. 

Gay children—those who already realize their true feelings depart from the supposed 

norm of attraction between males and females—are entitled to the same education as 

other children. They are entitled to learn about themselves and to feel good about 

themselves. 

Teachers and professors have thousands of opportunities to teach young individuals to 

appreciate their unique selves and to appreciate differences among people. It is 

important to help students learn to devalue absolute conformity and to value integrity— 

that diversity offers riches while conformity leads to mediocrity. The lesson can be 

learned again and again, in every area of human endeavor from science to art. 

Creativity makes the unusual possible, and it is the unusual that advances our 

civilization. We need to be able to evaluate both the unusual and usual—to be capable 

of pragmatic and moral judgment—but not to be enslaved and impoverished by the 

“norm.” And it’s about time students were helped to free themselves from the labeling 

of behavior as “masculine,” “feminine,” or “queer,” so that each individual can simply be 

the person that she or he is. That would help everyone. 

Instructors can, with causal remarks, reinforce the idea that gay, like other natural 

human differences, is honorable and worthy of respect. You cannot ignore that some of 

the heroes of the past and present are gay. Being gay was or is an important factor in 

the life of Walt Whitman, Sappho, Gertrude Stein, Michelangelo, E. M. Forrester, Van 

Cliburn, and David Geffen. Such information must not be hidden because these 

omissions are dishonest and defeat understanding. 

Within your teaching situation, you can raise the conscious of your colleagues by 

challenging bigoted jokes even when they are aimed at people who are gay and 

questioning the supposition that heterosexual is better. If you do it with tact and good 

humor, some of your colleagues are bound to see, sooner or later, just as they did with 

African-Americans and women. Some may even surface as gay themselves. 

Respectable everyday models are badly needed. 

Much of your service is to invisible students. You do not know as you look over a 

classroom which students define themselves as gay or are in the process of discovering 

their true selves. Much of your gay-affirming stance is to give messages that will bolster 

the self-esteem of those developing young people. You will protect them from 

indignities the same way that you would protect any other student who is different in 

your class. The fact that you do not know which students belong to this minority group 

makes it even more pressing than less. Always assume that at least one in every ten of 

your students has strong feelings toward the same sex. 

And keep this in mind. If you do not help gay students, who will Often they do not 

know how or where to find validating information. They rarely feel they can turn to 

93

family because they fear rejection. Their gay peers are invisible. They get bad ideas 

about themselves in libraries that have old books. They often cannot even approach 

known gay adults in gay organizations. The legal risks for the gay adult who reaches 

out to help a gay youth are extreme; caring can easily be interpreted as “impairing the 

morals” or “contributing to the delinquency” of the youth, if not distorted hysterically as 

outright “homosexual seduction.” Some of these invisible developing gay students are 

quite literally depending on you for their lives. 

An Example of Supportive Instruction 

In a mythology discussion class a student says, “Well, Narcissus fell in love with himself 

and that’s sick.” Instructor interrupts the discussion. “That’s an interesting statement I 

wish everyone would think about.” I know that I used to think some of my feelings were 

wrong and then I began to see that all of my feelings—even the ones that other people 

wouldn’t approve of—are right because they are my feelings. But it’s my behavior I 

have to watch out for, because sometimes it can get me into trouble. Fortunately, I’ve 

also learned that the more I know all of my feelings are OK, the more I feel about to 

control my behavior. What about Narcissus Can you separate his feelings and his 

behavior 

Some Guidelines 

It is essential that you have developed a comfortable and appreciative orientation to 

your own sexual feeling both heterosexual and homosexual before you can successfully 

work with gay individuals. If you believe that homosexual feelings are fine but 

heterosexual feelings are better, you are going to transmit that destructive message to 

the individual seeking your support. 

Help the individual who is gay to identify incorporated harmful stereotypes and begin 

deprogramming and undoing the negative conditioning associated with these 

stereotypes. The stereotypes are there. We all grew up with them. The ultimate goal 

of deprogramming is the emotional message that it is all right to be whoever you are, 

regardless of gender and sexual orientation. 

Encourage the person to establish a gay support system, a half-dozen gay people with 

mutual personal caring and respect for each other. Like everyone else, gay students 

need support from people with whom they can identify and people whom they can trust. 

Indeed, many gay individuals refer to each other as “family members.” Often this is 

because they grew up feeling alone and lonely, different from other people including 

their own family of origin. 

Support consciousness-raising efforts such as gay discussion groups, pro-gay reading, 

and involvement in gay community activities. As people open their ears and lower their 

defenses, we discover the universality of feelings—some of them are feelings gay 

individuals thought were theirs alone, but often find that they are common among other 

gay people. 

Encourage the student to question basic assumptions about being gay and to develop a 

personally relevant value system as a basis for self-assessment. Point out the dangers 

of relying on society’s value system for self-validation. The student has grown up in a 

world that uses an interlocking set of assumptions surrounding the basic belief that gay 

is bad. 

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Desensitize shame and guilt surrounding homosexual thoughts, feelings, and behavior. 

Use the weight of your position and authority to support and “normalize” these thoughts 

and feelings. In this final guideline, you are asked to use your authority flatly to 

counteract the authority of a lifetime that has said homosexuality is bad. It can be done 

with a smile, a handshake, or the use of simple, sincere words like “good” or “it sounds 

like you love this person like I love my spouse.” 

TA’s Guide for Overcoming Homophobia in the Classroom 

One of your primary tasks as a Teaching Assistant will be to establish a classroom 

environment in which your students feel comfortable participating in the educational 

process. The effective teacher is the one who can motivate students to play an active 

role in class discussions, complete class assignments, consult the TA or professor 

when learning problems occur and generally inspire students to rise to the intellectual 

challenges posed by the course work. But TA’s will be unable to complete these 

important tasks if they allow homophobia to damage the educational environment and 

risk offending and alienating lesbian and gay students. 

Lesbians and Gays in the Classroom 

If you think only a few students will be hurt by homophobic remarks and prejudice; think 

again. Researchers have repeatedly found that about 10% of the population is lesbian 

or gay. This is inclusive of all segments of society, which means that at any give 

educational institution, there will be a significant number of lesbian and gay 

undergraduates. At UC Berkeley, a campus noted for the diversity of its student body, 

the number of lesbian and gay students might even exceed this percentage. 

Though lesbian and gay students constitute a significant group on campus, they 

nonetheless encounter prejudice and discrimination at school. A recent survey of 247 

lesbian and gay students throughout the UC system suggests that homophobia and 

heterosexism are widespread among faculty, staff, and students. Of all respondents, 

85% reported that they encountered anti-lesbian/gay prejudice—homophobic remarks 

and jokes—from fellow students, 50% from faculty and 55% from staff. But antilesbian/gay 

prejudice is by no means confined to casual remarks or thoughtless jokes. 

This prejudice has, according to the survey, seeped into the educational materials for 

their UC courses contained anti-lesbian/gay biases. One respondent found that, 

“Sexuality class textbooks group gays with pedophiles, transsexuals, and bestiality.” 

Other comments on prejudice in course texts included the following: “Human sexuality 

class still has some books describing gays as having no long-term goals and always 

leading depressing lives. Ditto for some abnormal psych books; “One university 

extension course grouped homosexuality along with ‘crimes and diseases,’ such as 

alcoholism, rape, and prostitution.” 

Definitions: Heterosexism—A belief in the superiority of heterosexuality; policies and 

practices, which serve to elevate heterosexuality and subordinate homosexuality. 

Homophobia— 1. Fear, dislike or hatred of lesbians and gay men. 2. Discrimination 

against lesbians or gays. 

Bias Undermines Education 

95

Yet lesbian and gay students are not the only ones who suffer from this bias; it also 

serves to limit the intellectual development of heterosexual students by denying them 

access to accurate information about lesbians and gays and their contributions to 

society. For instance, the history professor or TA who is unaware of or negligent about 

lesbian/gay history may—even inadvertently—slight important lesbian/gay issues, 

events and figures, leading students to graduate from college with the mistaken figures, 

leading students to graduate from college with the mistaken assumption that all 

historical figures are heterosexual. This is called the heterosexual assumption or bias. 

In this case, the teacher has failed in his or her educational mission, and is perpetuating 

ignorance instead of transmitting knowledge. Remember that as an educator, it is your 

responsibility to teach your subject knowledgeably, accurately, and in an unprejudiced 

manner—and this applies to homosexual topics as well as all others. So if you allow the 

heterosexual assumption or homophobia to pollute the educational environment in your 

classes, you’re not just “politically incorrect,” you’re not doing your job as a teacher. 

What You Can Do 

1. Don’t assume that everyone in the classroom is heterosexual. Remember, at 

least 10% of the population is lesbian and gay. Avoid the heterosexual 

assumption; 

2. Monitor your own use of critical or stereotypical terms to discuss lesbians or gays 

or homosexuality. 

As a TA, you will quickly learn that students pick up the attitudes and values of those 

who they perceive to have authoritative knowledge about a subject. It is important 

that in your role as educator you do not pass stereotypical attitudes about any group 

of people. 

Don’t Allow Biased or Stereotypical Comments to go Unchallenged in the Classroom. 

In many cases, not only lesbians and gay students will be offended by blatantly 

homophobic or anti-lesbian/gay remarks. Depending on how you address such 

remarks, these students may or may not feel free to express their own discomfort with 

such comments. If you encounter a biased remark, you might: 

1. Ask other students in the section to respond to the comment. 

2. Express your own discomfort with the comment and explain your position. 

3. Encourage discussion about stereotypes in general and the ways they can be 

harmful. 

4. Supply the class with information sheets that help dispel inaccurate 

information about homosexuality. In any case, it is important to avoid angrily 

confronting or embarrassing students who make biased comments. Instead, 

motivate them to rethink their statements, through the use of the above 

suggestions. 

Discourage offensive humor directed at lesbians and gays. Remember that just as you 

would not accept offensive humor about women or ethnic minorities, you should also 

not accept offensive humor about lesbians and gays. The suggestions in the last 

guideline should be helpful in countering offensive humor. 

Again, be sure that in pointing out the student’s error, you do not humiliate the student. 

However, students who persist in making offensive and prejudiced remarks may need 

96

special attention—which can usually be given with a minimum of embarrassment and 

maximum effectiveness in office hours. There is no easy way to correct errant students 

in general, and it is even more difficult in an area as sensitive as this one. But as a 

teacher, it is your role to intervene when confronted by error. If you are uncertain about 

how to proceed in the face of the homophobic incident, consult your colleagues, the 

supervising professor, or one of the resource organizations on campus. 

Encourage the discussion of lesbian and gay topics in your section. Part of the mission 

of the university is to explore diversity and to present new and different ideas to 

students. Topics pertaining to homosexuality should be raised if relevant, even if they 

are not in the syllabus. In fact, discussion of lesbian and gay topics can add diversity 

and depth to the discussion. For many students it will be a worthwhile and enriching 

experience simply because the opportunity to safely discuss such topics has not arisen 

previously. Some areas where it would be most helpful to discuss homosexuality and 

the contributions of lesbians and gays are: literature, history, sociology, psychology, 

anthropology, public health, and mass communications. If the professor of the course 

has not included any readings about lesbians/gays/homosexuality, but you feel it is 

relevant, point out this omission and see if it is possible to add readings to cover this 

neglected topic. 

Discuss stereotypes in textbooks with the students in your discussion sections. 

Students should be encouraged to note when textbooks contain both biased and 

erroneous information. This contributes to the development of critical thinking skills, 

which are vital to the educational process. Point out these stereotypes to your fellow 

TA’s and the supervising professor. 

Don’t rely on lesbian and gay students to initiate discussion on the topic of 

homosexuality. Often students will not bring up the topic if they are unsure if it is safe to 

do so. Hopefully, following the other guidelines will help you to establish an atmosphere 

where students will feel comfortable initiating discussion on this topic. But don’t hesitate 

to bring it up yourself first, for that may be all that other students need to contribute to 

the discussion. 

Encourage students to do research on lesbian/gay topics. If a student approaches you 

with a proposal to research some aspect of homosexuality that is relevant to the curse, 

do not discourage the student from doing so. Until the past two decades, very little 

research had been done on lesbian and gay topics, so there are great opportunities for 

both you and your students to do groundbreaking work in this important area. 

Some questions to keep in mind throughout the academic year to remind you of the task 

of countering homophobia and heterosexism in your discussion section are: 

1. Did you observe heterosexism or homophobia in your classroom 

2. What role do students play in the problem situation 

3. What is your role 

4. Upon noting this situation, what if anything, did you do 

5. Now that you have time to reflect, what do you think that you or someone else 

could do to change the possible heterosexism or homophobia that you 

observed 

97

1. Objects to and eliminate jokes and humor that put down or portray gay men or lesbian women 

in stereotypical ways. 

2. Counter statements about sexual orientation that are not relevant to decisions or evaluations 

being made about faculty, staff, or students. 

3. Invite "out" professionals to conduct seminars and provide guest lectures in your classes and 

offices. Invite them for both gay / lesbian topics and other topics of their expertise. 

4. Do not force gay men or lesbian women out of the closet nor come out for them to others. The 

process of coming out is one of enlarging a series of concentric circles of those who know. 

Initially the process should be in control of the individual until (and if) they consider it public 

knowledge. 

5. Don't include sexual 'Orientation information in letters of reference or answer specific or 

implied questions without first clarifying how "out" the person chooses to be in the specific 

process in question. Because your environment may be safe does not mean that all 

environments are safe. 

6. Recruit and hire "out' gay and lesbian staff and faculty. View sexual orientation as a positive 

form of diversity that is desired in a multicultural setting. Always question job applicants about 

their ability to work with gay and lesbian faculty, staff, and students. 

7. Do not refer all gay/lesbian issues to gay or lesbian staff/faculty. Do not assume their only 

expertise is gay and lesbian issues. Check with staff about their willingness to consult on 

lesbian and gay issues with other staff members. 

8. Be sensitive to issues of oppression and appreciate the strength and struggle it takes to 

establish a positive gay and lesbian identity. Provide nurturing support to colleagues and 

students in phases of that process. 

9. Be prepared. If you truly establish a safe and supportive environment, people that you never 

thought of will begin to share their personal lives and come out in varying degrees. 

Secretaries, maintenance personnel, former students, and professional colleagues will 

respond to the new atmosphere. Ten percent is a lot of people. 

10. View their creation of this environment as a departmental or agency responsibility, not the 

responsibility of individual persons who happen to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Always waiting 

for them to speak, challenge, or act, adds an extra level of responsibility to someone who is 

already dealing with oppression on many levels. 

98

By Warren J. Blumenfeld 

The following is a summary from Making Colleges and Universities Safe for Gay and 

Lesbian Students: Report and Recommendations of the Massachusetts Governor's 

Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth, Warren J. Blumenfeld, Principal Author. (For a 

free copy of the report, write to The Governor's Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth, 

Room 111, State House, Boston MA 02133.) 

I. Policies 

1. Enact nondiscrimination policies on the basis of sexual and gender orientation in matters of 

hiring, tenure, promotion, admissions, and financial aid. 

2. Have policies and procedures for dealing with homophobic violence and harassment. 

3. Have a written, inclusive, and affirming definition of "couples" that is nondiscriminatory towards 

same-sex couples in a way that is appropriate for each institution. 

4. Ensure equal access and equality of all benefits and privileges granted to all employees and 

students. 

5. Have policies of active outreach in hiring openly GLBT and/or GLBT- sensitive faculty, staff, 

and administrators in all segments of the campus community. 

6. Actively recruit openly GLBT prospective students. 

All of the above policies should be written, clear, consistent, accessible, and well publicized 

throughout the campus. 

II. Training and Development 

1. Homophobia and other "diversity" workshops should be implemented for the entire campus 

community to sensitize and educate staff, faculty, and administrators. 

III. Services 

1. Colleges and universities provide official recognition, support, and funding of campus GLBT 

student organizations. 

2. Physically safe, secure, and appropriate space with a welcoming, emotionally safe atmosphere 

should be available to GLBT organizations for meetings, social events, coffee houses, 

lectures, workshops, and other events. 

3. Legal and fundraising support services should be available to GLBT students. 

4. Campus housing should include GLBT living options. 

5. University leadership should make strong, clear, public statements on a regular basis that state 

the college's commitment to ending discrimination, conviction that violence and harassment 

99

are entirely unacceptable, and appreciation of the value of diversity on campus, including 

diversity of sexual and gender identity. 

6. Colleges and universities hire openly GLBT or GLBT-sensitive therapists/counselors, faculty, 

staff, and administrators. 

7. Peer counselors and/or campus crisis hotline volunteers be adequately trained in sensitivity to 

sexuality, sexual and gender orientation/identity, and "coming out" issues. 

8. Effective AIDS education, imperative for all people of all sexual and gender orientations, must 

be available and widespread. 

9. Social activities through residence halls, Offices of Student Activities, and other organizations 

must be not only inclusive of all sexual and gender orientations and identities, without 

pressures toward heterosexuality, but actively welcoming of GLBT people as well as same-sex 

couples. 

10. College and university presidents have a standing advisory committee, panel, or board, 

appointed or elected in consultation with GLBT students, staff, and faculty members. 

11. Student opinion should be assessed regularly, by the above-mentioned panel or in some other 

manner, in order to gauge the effectiveness of implemented changes. 

12. Campus publications should take care to provide adequate and fair coverage of GLBT events 

and issues, both on and off campus. 

13. Colleges and universities should aid students in alumni outreach. 

14. Internship opportunities may also be cultivated among local GLBT-owned businesses and 

GLBT activist and community service organizations. 

15. The diversity within the GLBT community should be recognized and affirmed. 

16. The location and availability of resources of value to GLBT people should be published in 

materials distributed to all students, faculty, staff, and alumni. 

17. Personnel at the Career Planning/Placement Center, like personnel in every college area, 

should be sensitive to GLBT issues and be aware of employment opportunities in GLBT owned 

or GLBT friendly businesses and community service organizations. 

18. While needs differ greatly at each of the hundreds of institutions of higher education, it seems 

clear that for many, if not most, the most critically important and invaluable resource is a GLBT 

campus resource center with a paid administrator, staff, and resources. 

19. In institutions where financial resources do not allow for centers and/or administrative support 

for any "minorities," there should at least be an ombudsperson or other clearly recognized, 

identified, and publicized as an official liaison to the campus GLBT community. 

IV. Curriculum / Educational Materials / Academic Affairs 

1. Issues relating to GLBT people should be formally and permanently integrated into existing 

courses across the curriculum. 

2. Speakers on GLBT topics, and particularly those who present scholarly research on GLBT 

topics, should be brought to campus regularly. 

3. Courses dealing specifically with GLBT issues in the humanities, natural sciences, education, 

social sciences, and other disciplines should be established. 

4. A visiting scholar position in GLBT studies should be created and supported on a continuing 

basis. 

5. College and university libraries should increase their holdings of GLBT books, periodicals, and 

computer networking systems. 

6. Campus facilities should be available for regional GLBT studies conferences, with 

administrative support provided. 

7. Fellowship opportunities should be created and funded for teaching and research of GLBT 

topics. 

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8. Scholarship and research into GLBT history, culture, and theory should be encouraged and 

supported in faculty and students. 

9. All multicultural education should be inclusive of the issues, history, culture, and experiences 

of GLBT people in the United States and worldwide. Multicultural awareness (social diversity) 

courses should be mandatory for all students at some point during the undergraduate years. 

10. An archive and history of GLBT organizations on campus should be created. 

V. Employee Concerns 

1. Policies regarding equal benefits and nondiscrimination should be made clear in recruiting 

brochures, informational materials, campus publications, and orientation sessions. 

2. The university should aid, support, and fund the creation of GLBT faculty and staff discussion, 

support, and networking groups. 

3. Trade unions and professional organizations should have inclusive policies and supportive 

services available to their members. 

4. There should be equality in all benefits, including, for example: bereavement leave, insurance 

coverage, library privileges, access to gym and other recreational facilities, listings in 

directories if spouses are customarily listed, housing for GLBT couples where the qualifications 

are analogous to the qualifying basis for heterosexuals, "couple" rates must be made available 

to GLBT couples, access to any and all other privileges and benefits by GLBT partners if 

access is available to heterosexual spouses. 

5. There should be ongoing sensitivity training and staff development on GLBT issues for all 

employees. 

6. Colleges and universities should cover the expenses of employees attending conferences on 

GLBT issues. 

VI. Community / Off-Campus Concerns 

1. Community GLBT groups should be invited to attend campus events as participants, guests, 

and event leaders and facilitators. 

2. Information regarding social, religious, and other community resources should be made easily 

accessible to all students, staff, faculty, and administrators. 

3. Counselors, administrators, and faculty should be available to parents or other community 

members to alleviate any concern that may arise out of the implementation of any of the above 

recommendations, as well as any concerns arising during their child's coming out process, if 

that is the case. 

4. Representatives of GLBT student groups from different schools should meet regularly to keep 

each other apprised of upcoming events, plan events together, and strengthen the GLBT 

community. 

5. Publications, fundraising materials, and all other publications distributed to parents and alumni 

should include relevant and appropriate stories, essays, and news regarding GLBT issues, 

organizations, and events. 

6. Corporations, public agencies, and government, religious, and community agencies and 

institutions that do not have official written policies against discrimination based on sexual and 

gender orientation should be strongly discouraged or prohibited from on-campus employment 

or enlistment recruiting. 

101

Warren J. Blumenfeld is founder and first director of the National Gay Student Center. 

(This organization exists today as the National Queer Student Coalition of the United 

States Student Association.) He is co-author of the book Looking at Gay and Lesbian 

Life, editor of the book Homophobia: How We All Pay the Price, author of AIDS and 

Your Religious Community, and editor of the International Journal of Sexuality and 

Gender Studies. He is also co-producer of the documentary film "Pink Triangles" on the 

topic of homophobia. In addition, he facilitates diversity workshops for schools, 

businesses and community organizations. 

102

1. Have a non-discrimination policy that includes sexual orientation. 

2. Value their perspectives and opinions in your residence halls, your classrooms, and your 

committees. 

3. Don't tokenize them. 

4. Assure their safety. 

5. Acknowledge their presence on campus and in society publicly, at high levels, and often. 

6. Attend their events once in a while. 

7. Don't agree with everything they say; challenge them, too. 

8. Help non-gay students understand that LGB people are a presence on campus and in society 

whether they like it or not. Non-gay students do not have to accept LGB students, but they 

must learn to live peaceably with them. 

9. Support LGB students because they add to the vibrancy of thought, activity and life on your 

campus; not because it's politically correct. 

10. Take the time to examine your own personal feelings about LGB people. 

At the Career Center -- 

11. Display information about local career resources, such as gay-affirmative employers, for LGB 

clients. 

12. Provide staff with training about the social and political impact of LGB issues in the workplace. 

13. Be open to discussing LGB issues with students as these relate to career choice, resumes, 

interviews, determining the policies of a company, and coming out at work issues. 

14. Maintain a list of people who can be used as resources for LGB students. 

15. Know which employers interviewing on your campus have non-discrimination and domestic 

partner policies for LGB people and offer that information to students. 

16. "Employers should be required to affirm in writing that they do not discriminate against any 

classes protected against discrimination by university policy.... If legal interpretations tie the 

university's hands regarding Federal governmental agency access to placement services, the 

university should formally express its disagreement of employment discrimination against LGB 

students and call for a change in agency policy." 

At the Financial Aid Office -- 

17. Ensure that staff has training on how the impact of a student's "coming out" at home can affect 

parents' financial support. 

In the Residence Halls -- 

18. If their assigned roommates refuse to live with them, give the LGB student the options and give 

them freedom to choose. 

19. Ensure that handbooks and contracts have a statement regarding non-discrimination as it 

relates to sexual orientation. Indicate where students should report if they feel harassed. 

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20. Orientation programs should address LGB issues and make new students understand that 

LGB students are a welcomed part of campus life. 

At the Health Center -- 

21. Make sure your professional and paraprofessional health educators are comfortable with 

phrases and concepts such as "continual condom usage" and "anal intercourse." 

22. Make sure your gynecological physicians understand that "sexually active" does not 

necessarily mean "needs birth control." 

At the Counseling Center -- 

23. Include sexual orientation and coming out issues in the paperwork as options for discussion. 

24. Include a variety of partner status options in the paperwork. 

25. Display some gay-affirming materials in the center, including LGB magazines and newspapers 

in the waiting area. 

26. Include LGB material in publicity for the center. 

27. Don't automatically assume your clients are heterosexual. For example, don't ask a female 

client if she has a boyfriend. 

28. Use inclusive language. 

29. Insist there be a "coming out" support or discussion group at least once per school year. 

30. Identify a counselor who has some understanding of LGB issues who can serve as a 

confidential referral to students. 

At the Activities Office -- 

31. Make sure the LGB student organization has adequate professional staff support and an 

advisor. If there is no one on the staff or faculty to take on this role, assist the group in 

identifying a local alum or local community member for the task. 

32. Know their organization's name, acronym or letter in the proper order (even if they change it 

once in a while). 

33. Insist that the student government allot the LGB student organization some reasonable 

funding. If they refuse, assist the group in finding alternative sources of funding. 

34. Insist that fraternal organizations have a discussion on how they would deal with one of their 

members "coming out." 

At the Athletic Department -- 

35. Ask the director of Athletics to have a discussion with coaches about how heterosexism and 

homophobia affect athletes. 

In the classroom -- 

36. Include information about LGB people who made significant contributions in the past. 

37. When discussing current events, include LGB issues. 

38. Use examples of LGB people in lectures and discussions so they are not marginalized. 

39. Be clear with your students that homophobic and heterosexist comments and actions are not 

acceptable and will be addressed in an educational, informative, and non-threatening manner. 

104

In all Student Affairs departments -- 

40. Include LGB people in examples in classes, workshops and presentations. 

41. Ensure that publications are written in such a way that LGB students will feel included in the 

audiences; avoid heterosexist language and assumptions. 

42. When possible, include openly LGB students as members of the student work force. 

43. All student service departments should participate periodically in structured dialogues with 

LGB students. The purpose of this dialogue would be to raise awareness of the nature and 

extent of homophobia/heterosexism within the university and the particular unit, and to explore 

avenues for the problems related to the access and quality of services for lesbian and gay 

students. 

Make official statements condemning assault. 

44. When LGB students complain, take them seriously. 

45. When they are verbally assaulted, make loud, personal statements in public venues 

condemning such action. Empower others to do the same. 

46. When their belongings are vandalized, make loud, personal statements in public venues 

condemning such action. Empower others to do the same. 

47. When they are beaten up, make loud, official statements condemning such action. If you know 

who the aggressors are, punish them judicially. 

 

 

 

48. Give equal benefits to their partners. 

49. Assure their safety. 

50. Value their perspectives and opinions on your staffs and committees. 

51. Endorse an association for LGB faculty and staff. 

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106

107

Most of the students you will encounter will be seeking support, advice, or information. Occasionally, 

you may advise a student who is experiencing a good deal of psychological distress. This may be 

evident in the following ways. 

1. When a student states they are no longer able to function in their normal capacity within their 

classes. When they have seen a drop in grades or academic performance. 

2. When a student can no longer cope with their day-to-day activities and responsibilities. A 

student may state they are no longer going to classes or they have been late for their job and 

may be fired soon if this continues. 

3. A student expresses depressive symptoms such as: sleep disturbance, sudden weight loss or 

weight gain, crying spells, fatigue, loss of interest or pleasure in previous enjoyable activities, 

and/or inability to concentrate or complete tasks. 

4. A student expresses sever anxiety symptoms such as: feelings of panic, shortness of breath, 

headaches, sweaty palms, dry mouth, or racing thoughts. 

5. A student expresses suicidal thoughts or feelings. 

6. A student has no support. They have no friends or have no friends they can talk to about their 

sexual orientation. This person may not need counseling, but could benefit from a support 

group and the Counseling Center can make that assessment and referral. 

7. A good guideline to use if all else fails: If you are feeling overwhelmed or worried about a 

student, referring them to a mental health professional would probably be appropriate. 

8. Consult your list of Safe Zone Campus member that are in the University Counseling Center 

when making a referral but keep in mind these people may not be available. 

108

Resource Phone Web 

Support/Advocacy Groups 

PFLAG (Parents, Families and 

Friends of Lesbians and Gays) 

PO Box 36392 

Richmond VA 23235 

Diversity Thrift Store 

1407 Sherwood Ave. 

Richmond VA 

804-751-5167 Email 

Pflagric@pflagrichmond.com 

804-353-8890 www.diversitythrift.org 

Email diversitythrift@aol.com 

Owned and operated by Richmond 

Gay Community Foundation Inc. 

(RGCF) with the mission of 

"improving the lives of gay male, 

lesbian, bisexual and transgender 

people through funding and 

education." 

ROSMY (Richmond 

Organization for Sexual Minority 

Youth) 

PO Box 5542 

Richmond VA 23220 

Supporting gay, lesbian, bisexual, 

transgender and questioning youth 

ages 14-21 

Bookstores 

Confidential 

804-644-4390 

www.rosmy.org 

Email 

YouthSupport@rosmy.org 

 

Phoenix Rising 

19 N Belmont Ave 

Richmond VA 23221-3003 

804-257-9157 robinsnet@yahoo.com 

 

Services: Lesbian, gay, bisexual, 

transgender (LGBT) bookstore 

Borders Books and Barnes and Noble also have LGBT sections. 

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Health Services 

Cross-Over Health Center 

108 Cowardin Ave 


Medical care, counseling and 

education 

Fan Free Clinic 

1010 N Thompson St 

PO Box 6477 


Medical care, counseling and 

education 

Appointments start 9 am Mondays 

Religious Groups 

804-233-5016 

 

Call for hours 

804-358-8538 

www.crossoverministry.org 

 

www.fanfreeclinic.org 

 

First Unitarian Church 

1000 Blanton Ave 


804-355-0777 www.richmonduu.org 

 

Alane Cameron Miles, Acting Minister 

A diverse faith community 

Sunday service at 11am 

Metropolitan Community Church 

2501 Park Ave 


804-353-9477 www.mccrichmond.org 

Email 

revrobing@mccrichmond.org 

Rev. Robin Gorsline 

Sunday Services 10:45 am and a 

variety of other programs and 

services 

St. Mark's Episcopal Church 

520 N Boulevard 


Rev. Charles Aiken, Rector 

A supportive and inclusive faith 

community of the Episcopal Church 

804-358-4771 

 

www.stmarksrichmond.org 

Email Stmarks789@aol.com 

 

State Government Advocacy 

Equality Virginia 

421 East Franklin St. Ste. 310 

PO Box 342 

Richmond VA 23218 

804-643-4816 

Report all Hate 

Crimes to 1- 

800-643-4816 

Email va4justice@aol.com 

info@equalityvirginia.org 

www.equalityvirginia.org 

 

110

Bibliography 

(with apologies to MLA and APA aficionados everywhere…) 

compiled by Cheryl Hollatz-Wisely, and Ellen Broido 

General Reference 

Don Clark. The New Loving Someone Gay, 3 rd Edition. Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts, 

1997. 

Judy Grahn. Another Mother Tongue. (gay cultural history) 

Jonathan Katz. Gay American History: Lesbians and Gay Men in the USA 

Brian McNaught. On Being Gay. New York: St Martin’s Press. 1988 

PFLAG. About Our Children 

Sears, James T., & Williams, Walter L. (1997). Overcoming Heterosexism and 

Homophobia: Strategies that Work. New York: Columbia University. 

S. Pharr. (1988) Homophobia: A Weapon of Sexism. Inverness, CA: Chardon Press. 

Sexual Minority Issues in the University 

Evans, Nancy J. & Wall, Vernon A. (Eds.). (1991). Beyond Tolerance—Gays, Lesbians, 

And Bisexuals on Campus. Alexandria, VA: ACPA Media. 

McNaron, Toni A. H. (1997). Poisoned Ivy: Lesbian and Gay Academics Confronting 

Homophobia. Philadelphia: Temple University. 

Mintz & Rothblum (Eds.). (1997) Lesbians in Academia: Degrees of Freedom. 

New York: Routledge. 

Rhoads, Robert A. (1994). Coming Out in College: The Struggle for a Queer Identity. 

Westport, CT: Bergin & Garvey. 

Sanlo, Ronni L. (1998). Working with Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender College 

Students: A Handbook for Faculty and Administrators. Westport, CT: Greenwood. 

Tierney, William G. (1997). Academic Outlaws: Queer Theory and Cultural Studies in 

The Academy. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. 

Wall, Vernon A., & Evans, N.J. (2000). Toward Acceptance: Sexual Orientation Issues 

On Today’s College Campus. Alexandria, VA: ACPA Media. [this book has an 

Excellent, comprehensive bibliography] 

Transgender Issues Reading List (with particular attention to college issues) 

The Advocate. (May 25, 1999). “The terms that define us” 

Bornstein, Kate. (1998). My gender workbook. New York: Routledge. 

Bornstein, Kate (1994). Gender outlaw: On men, women, and the rest of us. New York: 

Vintage Books. 

Carter, Kelly. (2000) “Transgenderism and college students: Issues on gender identity 

and its role on our campuses.” In Vernon Wall and Nancy Evans (Eds.), Toward 

Acceptance: Sexual orientation issues on campus. 

Feinberg, Leslie. (1996). Transgender warriors: Making history from Joan of Arc to 

RuPaul. Boston: Beacon. 

Howey, Noelle. (Oct.-Nov 1999). “Studying womanhood” (pp.68-73). Ms. Magazine v9 

i6. [an excellent piece on a young woman’s experience of defining herself as a woman 

while her father does the same] 

Lees, Lisa J. (1998). Transgender students on our campuses. In R. Sanlo (Ed.), Working 

with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender college students: A handbook for faculty 

and administrators. Westport, CT: Greenwood. 

111

Youth and Parents 

Alpert, H. (Ed). We are Everywhere: Writings by and About Lesbian Parents. 

Trumansburg, NY: Crossing Press, 1988. 

Alyson, S (Ed.). Young, Gay and Proud. Boston: Alyson, 1985. 

Borhek, M. Coming out to Parents. 

Fairchild & Howard. Now That You Know: What Every Parent Should Know About 

Homosexuality. New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanitch, 1981 

Heron, A. (Ed.). One Teenager in Ten: Writings by Gay and Lesbian Youth. New York: 

Warner, 1983. 

Muller, A. Parents Matter. Tallahassee, FL: Naiad Press, 1987. 

Mental Health 

Etrick, E.S. & Martin, A.D. “Development Issues and their Resolution for Gay and 

Lesbian Youth”, Journal of Homosexuality, 14: 25-43, 1987. 

Garnets, L.D., & Kimmel, D.S. (Eds.) (1993). Psychological perspectives on lesbian and 

gay experiences. New York: Columbia University Press. 

Hunter, Joyce, “Violence Against Lesbian and Gay Male Youth”, Journal of 

Interpersonal Violence, 1990. 

Hunter, Joyce & Schaecher, Robert. “Stresses on Lesbian and Gay Adolescents in 

Schools”, Social Work Education. 

Remafedi, R.J. & Deisher, R., “Risk Factors for Attempted Suicide in Gay and Bisexual 

Youth”, Pediatrics, 1991. 

Religion & Spirituality 

Balka & Rose (Eds.). (1989). Twice blessed: on being lesbian and gay and Jewish. 

Boston: Beacon. 

Best, H. Pastor, I’m gay. (story of one pastor’s journey from “tolerance” to celebration) 

Glaser, C. (1994). Word is out: The Bible reclaimed for lesbians and gay men. 

San Francisco: Harper SanFrancisco. 

112

Hill & Cheadle (1996). The Bible tells me so: Uses and abuses of holy scripture. 

New York: Anchor. 

Klein, A.C. (1994). Meeting the great bliss queen: Buddhists, feminists, and the art of the 

self. Boston: Beacon. 

O’Neill & Ritter (1992). Coming out within: Stages of spiritual awakening for lesbians 

and gay men. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco. 

Scanzini & Mollenkott (1994). Is the homosexual my neighbor: A positive Christian 

response. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco. 

Shokeid, M. (Ed.). (1995). A gay synagogue in New York. New York: Columbia 

University Press. 

Thompson, M. (Ed.). (1994). Gay soul: Finding the heart of gay spirit and nature. San 

Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco. 

White, M. Stranger at the Gate. (coming out story & autobiography of Mel White, former 

writer for Billy Graham and Jerry Falwell). 

Fiction: 

The Sea of Light, by Jennifer Levin (1993, Dutton). One of Ellen B’s favorites 

Stone Butch Blues, by Leslie Feinberg. Deals with trans, butch/femme and class issues. 

Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson. 

Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden. 

Ain’t Gonna be the Same Fool Twice, by April Sinclair. A wonderful read. Deals with an 

African-American college-student coming out during and after college. 

Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown (1973) Bantam. Classic. Coming out in the south in 

the 60’s. 

B-Boy Blues by James Earl hardy (1994, Alyson). A great read. Fairly explicit sex. 

African-American focus, interesting view into class issues. 

Invisible Life by E. Lynn Harris (1991, Anchor Books). Wonderful. Very accessible 

for many readers. The first in a series. Male, African-American focus. 

The Lost Language of Cranes by David Leavitt, (1986, Bantam). Was made into a film 

fairly recently by HBO. Deals explicitly with family dynamics. 

113

Bibliography for Further Reading 

• From Invisibility to Inclusion: Opening Doors for Lesbians and Gay Men at the University of Michigan, 

prepared by The Study Committee on the Status of Lesbians and Gay Men, The University of Michigan, 

June, 1991. 

• Creating Safety, Valuing Diversity: Lesbians and Gay Men in the University, a report to the President of 

the University of Oregon by the Task Force on Lesbian and Gay Concerns, University of Oregon, 

October 1, 1990. 

• In Every Classroom: The Report of the President's Select Committee for Lesbian and Gay Concerns, 

Rutgers University. 

• Report of the Committee on Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual Concerns, Emory University, March 27, 1991. 

• Beyond Tolerance: Gays, Lesbians and Bisexuals on Campus, ed. Nancy J. Evans and Vernon A. Wall, 

ACPA Media, 1991. 

• Homophobia: How we all pay the price, ed. Warren J. Blumenfeld, Beacon Press, 1992. 

Books available at VCU's Cabell Library 

• Abelove, Henry, ed. Lesbian and Gay Studies Reader. New York: Routledge, 1993. 

• Allen, Jeffner, ed. Lesbian Philosophies and Cultures. Albany: State University of New York Press, 

1990. 

• Bawer, Bruce. A Place at the Table: The Gay Individual in American Society. New York: Poseidon 

Press, 1993. 

• Benkov, Laura. Reinventing the Family: Emerging Story of Lesbian and Gay Parents. New York: 

Crown Publications, 1994. 

• Berzon, Betty. Permanent Partners: Building Gay and Lesbian Relationships that Last. New York: 

Plume Books, 1988. 

• Berzon, B. Positively gay: New approaches to gay and lesbian life. Berkeley: Celestial Arts, 1992. 

• Blasius, M. Gay and lesbian politics: Sexuality and the emergence of a new ethic. Philadelphia: Temple 

University Press, 1994. 

• Blumenfeld, W.J. and Raymond, D. Looking at gay and lesbian life. Boston: Beacon Press, (1988). 

• Blumenfeld, Warren J. Homophobia: How We All Pay the Price. Boston: Beacon Press, 1992. 

• Brown, Lester, B. Two spirit people: American indian lesbian women and gay men. Hayworth Press, 

Inc., 1996. 

• Browne, S.E. Social networks, social support, and general well being of lesbians with chronic illness or 

hidden disabilities. Ph.D. Nursing Schince, University of California. San Francisco, (1985). 

114

• Borhek, Mary V. Coming Out to Parents: A Two Way Survival Guide for Lesbians and Gay Men and 

Their Parents. Cleveland: Pilgrim Press, 1993. 

• Burke, Phyllis. Family Values: Two Moms and Their Son. New York: Random House, 1993. 

• Carl, D. Counseling same-sex couples. New York: W.W. Norton and Co., 1990. 

• Clark, Don. Loving Someone Gay: A Gay Therapist Offers Sensitive, Intelligent Guidelines to Gay and 

Those Who Care About Them. Berkeley: Celestial Arts, 1987. 

• Comstock, Gary David. Violence Against Lesbians and Gay Men. New York: Columbia University 

Press, 1991. 

• Cruikshank, Margaret. The Gay and Lesbian Liberation Movement. New York: Routledge, 1992. 

• Dew, Robb Forman. The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out. Woburn, MA: Addison 

Wesley, 1994. 

• Duberman, Martin. About Time: Exploring the Gay Past. New York: Meridian, 1991. 

• Eichberg, Rob. Coming Out: An Act of Love. New York: Plume Books, 1990. 

• Faderman, Lillian. Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: A History of Lesbian Life in Twentieth Century 

America. New York: Penguin Books, 1991. 

• Goss, Robert. Jesus Acted Up: A Gay and Lesbian Manifesto. New York: Harpercollins, 1994. 

• Grahn, Judy. Another Mother Tongue: Gay Words, Gay Worlds. Boston: Beacon Press, 1990. 

• Hamer, Dean and Peter Copeland. The Science of Desire: The Search for the Gay Gene and the Biology 

of Behavior. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994. 

• Harbeck, Karen M. Gay and lesbian educators: Personal freedoms, public constraints. Malden, MA: 

Amethyst, 1997. 

• Hendriks, Aart. The Third Pink Book: A Global View of Lesbian and Gay Liberation and Oppression. 

Buffalo: Prometheus, 1993. 

• Herdt, Gilbert. Children of Horizons: How Gay and Lesbian Teens are Leading a New Way Out of the 

Closet. Boston: Beacon Press, 1993. 

• Heron, Ann. One Teenager in 10. Boston: Alyson Publications, Inc., 1981. 

• Jennings, Kevin. Becoming Visible: A Reader in Gay and Lesbian History for High School and College 

Students. Boston: Alyson Publications, Inc., 1994. 

• Kayal, Philip M. Bearing Witness: Gay Men's Health Crisis and the Politics of AIDS. Boulder: 

Westview Press, 1993. 

• Kirk, Marshall. After the Ball: How America Will Conquer Its Fear and Hatred of Gays in the 90's. New 

York: Plume Books, 1990. 

• Leinen, Stephen. Gay Cops. New Brunswick: Rutgers University Press, 1993. 

115

• Lorde, A. Sister outsider. Trumansburg, NY: The Crossing Press, 1984. 

• Marcus, Eric. Making history: The struggle for gay and lesbian equal rights, 1945-1990 An oral history. 

New York: Harper Perennial, 1992. 

• Miller, Neil. In Search of Gay America. New York: HarperPerennial, 1989. 

• Mohr, Richard D. Gay Ideas: Outing and Other Controversies. Boston: Beacon Press, 1992. 

• O'Sullivan, Sue and Pratibha Parmar. Lesbians Talk (Safer Sex). London: Scarlet Press, 1992. 

• Patton, Cindy and Janis Kelly. Making It: A Woman's Guide to Sex in the Age of AIDS. Ithaca, NY: 

Firebrand Books, 1990. 

• Pratt, M.B. Crimes against nature. Ithaca, NY: Firebrand Books, 1990. 

• Plant, Richard. The Pink Triangle: The Nazi War Against Homosexuals. New York: New Republic, 

1986. 

• Pronk, Pim. Against Nature Types of Moral Argumentation Regarding Homosexuality. Grand Rapids: 

Eerdmans, 1993. 

• Russell, Ina. Jeb and Dash: A Diary of Gay Life 1918-1945. Winchester, MA: Faber and Faber, 1993. 

• Sears, James. Growing Up Gay in the South. New York: Harrington Park Press, 1991. 

• Shilts, Randy. Mayor of Castro Street: The Life and Times of Harvey Milk. New York: St. Martin's 

Press, 1982. 

• Steffan, Joseph. Honor Bound: A Gay Naval Midshipman Fights to Serve His Country. New York: Avon 

Books, 1992. 

• Warner, Michael, ed. Fear of a Queer Planet: Queer Politics and Social Theory. Minneapolis: 

University of Minnesota Press, 1993. 

Periodicals (* = available at VCU library) 

• The Advocate (A Gay and Lesbian biweekly news magazine) 

• The Washington Blade (A weekly newspaper available free in DC and for a price by subscription and in 

Richmond bookstores) 

Videos (* = available at VCU library) 

• * "A litany For Survival: The Life and Work of Audre Lorde" 

• * "And the Band Played On" 

• * "Before Stonewall" (Interviews with pre-1969 lgb activists) 

• "Why Am I Gay" (HBO Special) 

• "On Being Gay" 

116

• "Pink Triangles" 

• "Out in Suburbia" 

• "Ballot Measure 9" (A history of the anti-gay ballot measure voted down in Oregon in 1992) 

• "A last Call at Maudes" (Interviews with the patrons of a lesbian bar in San Francisco) 

• "The Life and Times of Harvey Milk" (A biography of California's first openly gay elected official) 

COMING OUT BIBLIOGRAPHY 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Helpful Resources 

Hothem, K.B, & Keene C.D. (1998). Creating a safe zone project at a small private college: How hate 

galvanized a community. In Sanlo R. (Ed.) Working with lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender college 

students: A handbook for faculty and administrators (pp. 363-369), CT: Greenwood Press. 

Poynter, K., & Schroer, S. (1999) Safe On Campus: A program for allies of lesbian, gay, and bisexual students. 

Michigan Journal of College Student Development, 3 (1), 6-8. 

References 

Broido, R. (in press). Ways of being an ally to lesbian, gay and bisexual students. In V. Wall & N. Evans (Eds.), 

Toward acceptance: Sexual orientation and today’s college campus. ACPA Media. 

D’Augelli, A.R. (1989). Homophobia in a university community: Views of perspective resident assistants. 

Journal of College Student Development, 30, 546-552. 

D’Augelli, A.R., & Rose, M.L. (1990). Homophobia in a university community: Attitudes and experiences of 

heterosexual freshman. Journal of College Student Development, 31, 484-491. 

Lesbian, Bisexual, and Gay Student Association (1992). Safe on campus informational manual. Ball State 

University, Muncie IN. 

Gelberg, S., & Chojnacki, J.T. (1995). Development transitions of gay/lesbian/bisexual affirmative, 

heterosexual career counselors. The Career Development Quarterly, 43, 267-273. 

Herek, G.M. (1988). Heterosexuals’ Attitudes toward lesbians and gay men: correlates and gender differences. 

The Journal of Sex Research, 25, 451-477. 

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Pearlman, K. (1991). Mothers’ acceptance of daughters’ lesbianism: A parallel process to identity formation. 

(Doctoral dissertation, Antioch University, 1991). Dissertation Abstracts International, 52-03B. (University 

Microfilms AA69123878) 

Poynter, K. (1999, March) Heterosexual allies: Their role in the learning community. Paper presented at the 

annual conference of the American College Personnel Association, Atlanta, GA. 

Simoni, J.M. (1996). Pathways to prejudice: predicting students’ heterosexist attitudes with demographics, selfesteem, 

and contact with lesbians and gay men. Journal of College Student Development, 37, 68-78. 

Washington, J. Evans, N.J. (1991). Becoming an Ally. In N.J. Evans and V.A. Wall (Eds.), Beyond tolerance: 

Gays, lesbians and bisexuals on campus. Alexandria, VA: American College Personnel Association. 

 

 

Gay, Lesbian, Straight Educators Network (GLSEN) 

GLSEN works to end homophobia in K-12 schools. GLSEN strives to assure that each member of every 

school community is valued and respected, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. A national 

organization since 1994, GLSEN has become one of the nation’s leading voices for equality and safety in the 

educational system through its work on community organizing, providing resources for teachers, national and 

state and local-level advocacy. http://www.glsen.org 

Human Rights Campaign: 

The HRC works specifically on national and state-wide political issues relevant to the lbgt community. 

Its web site provides a great overview of its activities, as well as links to many good resources on a variety of 

lgbt issues, political and otherwise. http://www.hrc.org 

National Lesbian and Gay Task Force (NGLTF): 

The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force is a leading progressive civil rights organization that supports 

grassroots organizing and advocacy. The NGLTF helps to strengthen the gay and lesbian movement at the state 

and local level while connecting these activities to a national vision of change. http//:www.ngltf.org 

Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) 

A great place for SSN members to start, PFLAG is designed to help families and friends of lgbt people 

meet each other, as well as gain support and information. They also engage in public education about lgbt issues 

and advocacy, to end discrimination, and to secure equal civil rights. http://www.pflag.org 

The Advocate: 

The largest lgbt magazine in the U.S. Roughly the gay equivalent of Newsweek- covers national and 

international news as well as entertainment, health issues, political activism, etc. Available at most bookstores 

and newsstands. http://www.advocate.com 

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