Shimla-the birthplace of the Durand Cup and the Indian Air Force ...

Shimla-the birthplace of the Durand Cup and the Indian Air Force ... Shimla-the birthplace of the Durand Cup and the Indian Air Force ...

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13.11.2012 Views

Football is not such a popular game as hockey in the army. One never knows why. Yet, football was the CO’s passion. On the other hand, hockey, the army game, was an anathema to the CO. It is not that he was disloyal to the country or to the army, it being our national game, it was just that though he still wielded a hockey stick out of sheer patriotism, the stinging shots he had taken on the shins by either the ball or the stick, had left too indelible an impression on him to attempt to be the next Dhyan Chand! As luck would have it, the CO got command of a unit where hockey was the fixation and football their alienation. 17 footballs and 34 football boots in mint condition in the sports store did not require a UN resolution to endorse it so. The CO had just taken over. He had to make his mark. Opportunity presented itself – and opportunity knocks at the door but once! The CO realised that. What opportunity could be better than winning the Divisional Football Championship that was looming in the horizon? Of course, nothing could be better, except that none in the unit would have qualified for the girl guides weekend picnic football, let alone anything at the Division level! Heart wrenchingly pathetic was the state if one wanted to make a mark! Ein Volk, Ein Reich (read unit), Ein Führer (meaning him, the CO) rang in his ears. If devastated Germany could rise as the phoenix, so could this football team, but hopefully, not meet the same fate as Germany. So, all charged up like Hitler, nearly doing a Nazi salute to instil the required fervour, the CO met the so called football team, rounded up for his august presence! Having met them, he collared the most hyperactive junior, Ramu, and read him the Riot Act. There were no two ways for Ramu. For Ramu, it was Ein Volk, Ein Unit and Mein Führer (that meant the CO of course!) Ramu heard the CO out. He was an intelligent boy, hardworking and all that, but he did get a lingering feeling that there is a limit to intelligence in the Army and this CO surely was proving the point. Imagine winning the Div football with a team that did not know the difference between a football and a hockey ball! In fact, it was a case of all balls. Crestfallen, Ramu went to the games ground and got the team together. Fortunately, apart from two, all were from the new draft that had come just the last week to the unit - still not brainwashed that hockey was the only game in the world. The CO observed the boys hard at football during Games. It didn’t warm the cockles of his heart. In fact, it definitely left the cold hand of fate gripping his heart harder by the minute. 38 July 2011 purple beret Brig (Retd) SK Raychaudhuri is a prolific writer based in Kolkata. He is in the process of completing his book on military humour The feat of God Nonetheless, he steeled himself like Nelson at Trafalgar facing the mighty Spanish Armada. If Nelson could do it with a blind eye, so could he and he had both his eyes 6/6! The CO was distinctly pleased that Ramu statistically was kicking around the most, even if not quite contacting the ball. It was a good sign indeed! It reminded him of Major Shaminder Singh, the second-in-command of his old unit, whose motto was – ball jae, lekin aadmi na jae! The CO felt assured. This theory won many a championship in his last unit! So, there was hope. Yet, in his heart, the CO had a feeling that it would take a Pele and Maradona rolled in one to win the Championship and that too not without a slight nudge from God himself! Even so, there still was this hope. After all, wasn’t it Wordsworth who wrote – My heart leaps up when I behold a rainbow in the sky? The CO’s heart was leaping up since there was no chance to go down any further. He saw stars of despair, even if not a colourless rainbow! Ramu was trying his best to get the team going. And as the CO saw the progress every day, his blood pressure rose – with hope and excitement and he was encouraged and courageous enough to drop by with a tip or two! After all, the CO was a hands-on man! They were shaping up since getting shipped out was not on Ramu’s mind. The boys are not bad, thought Ramu subconsciously as he saw the new draft of Bengalis, Oriyas and Assamese racing enthusiastically all over the field with the ball even if not quite under control. They were getting a hang of football or so it appeared. All that was required was coordination and a strong defence. The CO’s joke of ball jae, lekin aadmi na jae suddenly jolted Ramu from his reverie. He walked to the burly Sikh, Kashmira, who was the stopper full back. ‘Oi sardar, you heard the CO sahib’s idea of ball jae, lekin aadmi na jae. What do you think of that?” “Ek dum Sardar wali baat hai”. Ramu wondered whether Kashmira meant it was a crazy idea, or was he being sheer earnest that the defence should be rock solid. “To kia karna?” “Sahabji, Hukum manunga”. Ramu thought that over. Maybe, things were looking up,

though he felt a bit uncomfortable. He soon forgot about it and started training the boys, subconsciously confident, with greater vigour. The team improved by the day. The coordination between the team players was so good the number of spectators amongst the unit personnel (who had earlier thought them to be a joke and a flight of fancy of the CO) started to increase by the day. Even a few spontaneous cheers of encouragement were heard. The team seemed to have arrived. The Divisional Football Championship commenced. The butterflies catapulting within the unit personnel’s stomach calmed down as the team soared from success to success. The first round came and went; the second round was another easy success. Confidence amongst the unit personnel grew.The semi final against the Artillery Medium Regiment was a nail biter. They were a contender for the finals. Kashmira, the ball jae aadmin na jaiye man had saved the team from a catastrophe. The hawk eyed referee saw through his gambit and gave him a yellow card. It brought him to his senses, but he still managed to stop the raids by the Artillery men, who pompously called themselves the Ferozpur Arsenal! The Artillery scored twice and there was no reply from the unit. Cold sweat broke out. Half time came and went. No spark came from the unit team. This state of affair continued and then suddenly, out of the blue, some deft dribbling by Ramu from the half line netted a beautiful low bend it like Beckam to drop the margin. 10 minutes were left. There was no hope in hell to square the goals and go into the extra time. Ramu, once again proved his mettle. This time he got tripped in the goal mouth by a desperate artillery gun loader who rammed him as if he was ramming a charge. Ramu flew out like a Charge 8 Bofor shell and hit the ground. Yells of penalty rent the air. The referee looked nonplussed. There was a good chance he had humour not seen this deliberate thuggery! The time ticked by, tension grew….. and the unit was crestfallen. Then the shrill whistle came and the referee pointed to the dreaded spot – the penalty spot! Thunderous cheer rent the air as the goal’s net bounced with the impressively deceptive shot by Chintaharan. The CO, forgetting that he was a CO, thumped the astonished Brigade Commander hard on the back, not once but thrice!!! The score was two all! What a turnaround! There was still 5 minutes to go. The game was furiously fought. It went back and forth. The spectators were on their feet. Three minutes to go and there was still no result yet. The game was sure to go into extra time. The spectators were biting their nails. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, Kashmira, the stopper full back, for no rhyme and reason charged forward, leaving the unit goal mouth empty! A dangerous thing to do, but there was no stopping Kashmira. He charged past the half line, got into a melee at the 25 yarder and heaved one God almighty kick in no direction at all! The ball whizzed forward, hit a defender, deflected past another and went straight past the bewildered goalkeeper and into the goal!! The unit had won the semis!! The scene was chaotic within the unit stands. The spectators were ecstatic. The CO ran into the field, the Brigade Commander wanting to restrain him caught hold of his shirt and in the bargain was pulled along and so sheepishly tried to cover up as if he too had come in to congratulate the team!Our joy knew no bounds and the CO threw an impromptu barakhana that night! His cup of joy bubbled over the brim and so did the pegs of rum that flowed as if there was no tomorrow. Then catastrophe hit the team! Kashmira, the stopper full back, who looked and acted as Rocky Marciano aka Rocco Francis Marchegiano aka the Brockton Blockbuster/ the Rock from purple beret July 2011 39

though he felt a bit uncomfortable. He soon forgot about it<br />

<strong>and</strong> started training <strong>the</strong> boys, subconsciously confident, with<br />

greater vigour. The team improved by <strong>the</strong> day. The coordination<br />

between <strong>the</strong> team players was so good <strong>the</strong> number <strong>of</strong> spectators<br />

amongst <strong>the</strong> unit personnel (who had earlier thought <strong>the</strong>m to<br />

be a joke <strong>and</strong> a flight <strong>of</strong> fancy <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong> CO) started to increase by<br />

<strong>the</strong> day. Even a few spontaneous cheers <strong>of</strong> encouragement were<br />

heard. The team seemed to have arrived.<br />

The Divisional Football Championship commenced. The<br />

butterflies catapulting within <strong>the</strong> unit personnel’s stomach<br />

calmed down as <strong>the</strong> team soared from success to success. The<br />

first round came <strong>and</strong> went; <strong>the</strong> second round was ano<strong>the</strong>r easy<br />

success. Confidence amongst <strong>the</strong> unit personnel grew.The semi<br />

final against <strong>the</strong> Artillery Medium Regiment was a nail biter.<br />

They were a contender for <strong>the</strong> finals. Kashmira, <strong>the</strong> ball jae<br />

aadmin na jaiye man had saved <strong>the</strong> team from a catastrophe.<br />

The hawk eyed referee saw through his gambit <strong>and</strong> gave him a<br />

yellow card. It brought him to his senses, but he still managed<br />

to stop <strong>the</strong> raids by <strong>the</strong> Artillery men, who pompously called<br />

<strong>the</strong>mselves <strong>the</strong> Ferozpur Arsenal!<br />

The Artillery scored twice <strong>and</strong> <strong>the</strong>re was no reply from <strong>the</strong><br />

unit. Cold sweat broke out. Half time came <strong>and</strong> went. No spark<br />

came from <strong>the</strong> unit team. This state <strong>of</strong> affair continued <strong>and</strong><br />

<strong>the</strong>n suddenly, out <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong> blue, some deft dribbling by Ramu<br />

from <strong>the</strong> half line netted a beautiful low bend it like Beckam to<br />

drop <strong>the</strong> margin. 10 minutes were left. There was no hope in<br />

hell to square <strong>the</strong> goals <strong>and</strong> go into <strong>the</strong> extra time. Ramu, once<br />

again proved his mettle. This time he got tripped in <strong>the</strong> goal<br />

mouth by a desperate artillery gun loader who rammed him<br />

as if he was ramming a charge. Ramu flew out like a Charge 8<br />

B<strong>of</strong>or shell <strong>and</strong> hit <strong>the</strong> ground. Yells <strong>of</strong> penalty rent <strong>the</strong> air. The<br />

referee looked nonplussed. There was a good chance he had<br />

humour<br />

not seen this deliberate thuggery! The time ticked by, tension<br />

grew….. <strong>and</strong> <strong>the</strong> unit was crestfallen. Then <strong>the</strong> shrill whistle<br />

came <strong>and</strong> <strong>the</strong> referee pointed to <strong>the</strong> dreaded spot – <strong>the</strong> penalty<br />

spot! Thunderous cheer rent <strong>the</strong> air as <strong>the</strong> goal’s net bounced<br />

with <strong>the</strong> impressively deceptive shot by Chintaharan. The CO,<br />

forgetting that he was a CO, thumped <strong>the</strong> astonished Brigade<br />

Comm<strong>and</strong>er hard on <strong>the</strong> back, not once but thrice!!! The score<br />

was two all! What a turnaround!<br />

There was still 5 minutes to go. The game was furiously fought.<br />

It went back <strong>and</strong> forth. The spectators were on <strong>the</strong>ir feet. Three<br />

minutes to go <strong>and</strong> <strong>the</strong>re was still no result yet. The game was<br />

sure to go into extra time. The spectators were biting <strong>the</strong>ir nails.<br />

And <strong>the</strong>n suddenly, out <strong>of</strong> nowhere, Kashmira, <strong>the</strong> stopper full<br />

back, for no rhyme <strong>and</strong> reason charged forward, leaving <strong>the</strong><br />

unit goal mouth empty! A dangerous thing to do, but <strong>the</strong>re was<br />

no stopping Kashmira. He charged past <strong>the</strong> half line, got into<br />

a melee at <strong>the</strong> 25 yarder <strong>and</strong> heaved one God almighty kick in<br />

no direction at all! The ball whizzed forward, hit a defender,<br />

deflected past ano<strong>the</strong>r <strong>and</strong> went straight past <strong>the</strong> bewildered<br />

goalkeeper <strong>and</strong> into <strong>the</strong> goal!! The unit had won <strong>the</strong> semis!!<br />

The scene was chaotic within <strong>the</strong> unit st<strong>and</strong>s. The spectators<br />

were ecstatic. The CO ran into <strong>the</strong> field, <strong>the</strong> Brigade Comm<strong>and</strong>er<br />

wanting to restrain him caught hold <strong>of</strong> his shirt <strong>and</strong> in <strong>the</strong><br />

bargain was pulled along <strong>and</strong> so sheepishly tried to cover up as<br />

if he too had come in to congratulate <strong>the</strong> team!Our joy knew no<br />

bounds <strong>and</strong> <strong>the</strong> CO threw an impromptu barakhana that night!<br />

His cup <strong>of</strong> joy bubbled over <strong>the</strong> brim <strong>and</strong> so did <strong>the</strong> pegs <strong>of</strong> rum<br />

that flowed as if <strong>the</strong>re was no tomorrow.<br />

Then catastrophe hit <strong>the</strong> team! Kashmira, <strong>the</strong> stopper full back,<br />

who looked <strong>and</strong> acted as Rocky Marciano aka Rocco Francis<br />

Marchegiano aka <strong>the</strong> Brockton Blockbuster/ <strong>the</strong> Rock from<br />

purple beret July 2011 39

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