Shimla-the birthplace of the Durand Cup and the Indian Air Force ...

Football is not such a popular game as hockey in the
army. One never knows why. Yet, football was the
CO’s passion. On the other hand, hockey, the army
game, was an anathema to the CO. It is not that he was
disloyal to the country or to the army, it being our national
game, it was just that though he still wielded a hockey stick
out of sheer patriotism, the stinging shots he had taken on the
shins by either the ball or the stick, had left too indelible an
impression on him to attempt to be the next Dhyan Chand! As
luck would have it, the CO got command of a unit where hockey
was the fixation and football their alienation. 17 footballs
and 34 football boots in mint condition in the sports store did
not require a UN resolution to endorse it so. The CO had just
taken over. He had to make his mark. Opportunity presented
itself – and opportunity knocks at the door but once! The CO
realised that. What opportunity could be better than winning
the Divisional Football Championship that was looming in the
horizon? Of course, nothing could be better, except that none
in the unit would have qualified for the girl guides weekend
picnic football, let alone anything at the Division level! Heart
wrenchingly pathetic was the state if one wanted to make a
mark! Ein Volk, Ein Reich (read unit), Ein Führer (meaning him,
the CO) rang in his ears. If devastated Germany could rise as the
phoenix, so could this football team, but hopefully, not meet
the same fate as Germany. So, all charged up like Hitler, nearly
doing a Nazi salute to instil the required fervour, the CO met the
so called football team, rounded up for his august presence!
Having met them, he collared the most hyperactive junior,
Ramu, and read him the Riot Act. There were no two ways for
Ramu. For Ramu, it was Ein Volk, Ein Unit and Mein Führer
(that meant the CO of course!) Ramu heard the CO out. He was
an intelligent boy, hardworking and all that, but he did get a
lingering feeling that there is a limit to intelligence in the Army
and this CO surely was proving the point. Imagine winning
the Div football with a team that did not know the difference
between a football and a hockey ball! In fact, it was a case of
all balls. Crestfallen, Ramu went to the games ground and got
the team together. Fortunately, apart from two, all were from
the new draft that had come just the last week to the unit - still
not brainwashed that hockey was the only game in the world.
The CO observed the boys hard at football during Games. It
didn’t warm the cockles of his heart. In fact, it definitely left
the cold hand of fate gripping his heart harder by the minute.
38 July 2011 purple beret
Brig (Retd) SK Raychaudhuri is a prolific
writer based in Kolkata. He is in the process of
completing his book on military humour
The feat of God
Nonetheless, he steeled himself like Nelson at Trafalgar facing
the mighty Spanish Armada. If Nelson could do it with a blind
eye, so could he and he had both his eyes 6/6!
The CO was distinctly pleased that Ramu statistically was
kicking around the most, even if not quite contacting the ball.
It was a good sign indeed! It reminded him of Major Shaminder
Singh, the second-in-command of his old unit, whose motto was
– ball jae, lekin aadmi na jae! The CO felt assured. This theory
won many a championship in his last unit! So, there was hope.
Yet, in his heart, the CO had a feeling that it would take a Pele
and Maradona rolled in one to win the Championship and that
too not without a slight nudge from God himself! Even so, there
still was this hope. After all, wasn’t it Wordsworth who wrote –
My heart leaps up when I behold a rainbow in the sky? The CO’s
heart was leaping up since there was no chance to go down
any further. He saw stars of despair, even if not a colourless
rainbow! Ramu was trying his best to get the team going.
And as the CO saw the progress every day, his blood pressure
rose – with hope and excitement and he was encouraged and
courageous enough to drop by with a tip or two! After all, the
CO was a hands-on man! They were shaping up since getting
shipped out was not on Ramu’s mind.
The boys are not bad, thought Ramu subconsciously as he
saw the new draft of Bengalis, Oriyas and Assamese racing
enthusiastically all over the field with the ball even if not quite
under control. They were getting a hang of football or so it
appeared. All that was required was coordination and a strong
defence. The CO’s joke of ball jae, lekin aadmi na jae suddenly
jolted Ramu from his reverie. He walked to the burly Sikh,
Kashmira, who was the stopper full back. ‘Oi sardar, you heard
the CO sahib’s idea of ball jae, lekin aadmi na jae. What do you
think of that?”
“Ek dum Sardar wali baat hai”. Ramu wondered whether
Kashmira meant it was a crazy idea, or was he being sheer
earnest that the defence should be rock solid.
“To kia karna?”
“Sahabji, Hukum manunga”.
Ramu thought that over. Maybe, things were looking up,