TRANSCRIPT OF A PRESENTATION, BY ALAN BADMINGTON, TO ...

That was not the end of it – I then had to give the evidence. As I
mentioned earlier, my whole life centred around avoidance and word
substitution. But, I could not change the defendant’s name; I could not
change the name of the road in which the offence occurred; the day and
date could not be altered, and the defendant’s vehicle and registration
number were not negotiable. It was impossible, and I was subsequently
transferred to office duties, away from the public contact that I so much
needed.
It had reinforced my belief that I could not say certain words. Neither
could I speak in front of others when the focus of attention was on me.
These negative beliefs were being cemented – my behaviour and personality
were being adjusted to accommodate my stutter.
Yet, only a few hours earlier, I had stood in the very same courtroom, and
given the very same evidence without too much difficulty. But the
circumstances had been far, far different. On that occasion, the courtroom
had been empty and devoid of the audience that later congregated to witness
my performance. I had been practising my spiel in advance of the real
event and amply demonstrated to myself that my speech mechanics were
not defective. That was little comfort when I later failed miserably under
scrutiny.
One of my supervisors later wrote of me, “When this officer gives evidence
in court he is an embarrassment to all”. That reinforced my belief that
listeners became uncomfortable when I stuttered. He also reported (several
years later), “The only reason he has not been considered for promotion is
his speech impediment”. (And I still have copies of those reports).
While very young in service, I passed the national promotion examination
and attained third place in the UK (or, rather, England and Wales). This
qualified me for an accelerated promotion scheme at the prestigious National
Police College, which would have propelled me up through the ranks. They
would not accept me because of my stutter.
My belief was, therefore, that I would never be promoted within the Police
Service. The point I am trying to make is that the experiences I had
encountered were forming the beliefs about myself that I was to hold
throughout my adult life.
A few years later, I completed a two weeks fluency course, where I
became virtually fluent. Within weeks of leaving that controlled