Girl Talk /04 Down with Dick /08 - The Wake

Girl Talk /04
The Weekly Student Magazine of the University of Minnesota
Down with
Dick /08
PLUS Clinic’s Visitations / 55408: What’s in a Number
07–13 February 2007

Editorial/
Editor-in-Chief
Jenny Odegard
Athletics Editor
Nick Gerhardt
Literary Editor
Jacob Duellman
Voices Editor
Nathaniel Olson
Staff Writer
Carl Carpenter
Managing Editor
Eric Price
Campus Editor
Janessa Dohse
Sound & Vision Editor
Alice Vislova
Editorial Assistants
Dan Olmschenk, Tammy Quan,
Brad Tucker
PRODUCTION/
Production Manager
Jeremy Sengly
Photography Editor
Ethan Stark
Copy Editors
Brent Campbell, Erin Lavigne
Art Director
Sam Soule
Web Editor
Luke Preiner
Graphic Designers
Dave Hagen, Eric Price, Becki Schwartz,
Jeremy Sengly, Krista Spinti
BUSINESS/
Business Manager
Elena Lyadova
Advertising Intern
Tyler Jones
Distributors
Preston Jones, Luke Preiner
Office Manager
Elizabeth Keely Shaller
Public Relations Director
Allie Dinnocenzo
Public Relations Interns
Marlys Huismann, Alison Traxler, Julie
Veternick
THIS ISSUE/
Cover Artist
Ben Alpert
Illustrators
Ben Alpert, Dave Hagen, Alex Judkins,
Jeremy Sengly
Photographers
Lynsey Addario, Heejin Han, Ron Haviv, Matt
Holland, Angie Myhre, Chris Roberts,
Ethan Stark
Contributing Writers
Jeremy Becker, Carl Carpenter, Sage
Dahlen, Ben Drewelow, Amy Fink, Valerie
Franz, Matt Holland, Nattie Olson,
Alice Vislova
/5:17
©2007 The Wake Student Magazine. All rights
reserved.
Established in 2002, The Wake is a weekly
independent magazine produced by
and for the students of the University of
Minnesota. The Wake is a registered student
organization.
The Wake Student Magazine
1313 5th St. SE
Minneapolis, MN 55414
(612) 379-5952 • www.wakemag.org
The Wake was founded by Chris Ruen and
James DeLong.

Dear Readers,
According to CNN.com “Authorities have arrested
two men in connection with electronic light boards
depicting a middle-finger-waving moon man that
triggered repeated bomb scares around Boston on
Wednesday and prompted the closure of bridges and
a stretch of the Charles River.”
55408/10
Sound & Vision/04
VOICES/08
CAMPUS/12
ATHLETICS/15
LITERARY/16
PHOTOGRAPHY/18
BASTARD/19
The devices, as most of us now know, looked like
Light-Bright toys, and had the image of a familiar
cartoon network character. The mayor of Boston has
called this “outrageous” and has gotten $2 million
out of Turner Broadcasting System, owners of the
Cartoon Network. Half of that money was to cover
the bomb investigation, the other half “for goodwill.”
Apparently, living in a “post-9-11” world means
an end to practical jokes, and a level of suspicion
so high that we can’t even look at a children’s toy
without seeing the bomb it may contain. And while I
understand that “terrorists” could be lurking among
us, armed with electronics of many kinds, I can’t
help but be embarrassed by this display of national
gullibility. As many have said before me, I would
rather you think I’m stupid than open my mouth and
prove you right.
Hugs and Punches,
Jenny Odegard
Editor-in-Chief

Sound & Vision/
ethan stark
Girl Talk says,
“Yo, bum rush the show”
BY CARL CARPENTER
Arriving for the show at 10:00 p.m., courtesy of Campus
Circulator Luanne’s dance party commuter, I was
informed I had missed out on show opener Tarlton. Several
sources further informed that I hadn’t missed much
more than an embarrassing display of bass guitar and
lack luster drumming. “It was like background music,
for talking over,” says one unenthused man. Others expressed
similar sentiments but having not seen them
myself, I can’t confirm or deny those claims. Luckily,
none were appalled to the point of departure, as what
transpired next will go down in Dinkytown history.
The Varsity Theatre is truly a wonderful place to dance.
The onstage lights were purple, then blue, and disco
balls spun overhead. A thin layer of smoke began to
spread while an excited chatter filled the room. The sold
out Varsity supplied as diverse and friendly a crowd as
I’ve seen to date. There were couples holding hands,
04/ 07–13 February 2007

\ Sound & Vision
awaiting their chance to dance. While using the urinal
I stood next to a fellow in a dashing, orange and neon
green Nickelodeon jacket. I ran into a Frenchmen named
Pierre whom I met the night before at the Triple Rock.
A couple in the lobby was trying to tell me about their
business, Retard Enterprises: a series of websites that
sell stickers. Haley Bonar walked by, arm in arm with
her performance bassist, and a girl from my salsa minicourse
stood by the stage. This was shaping up to be
some night.
Dance Band was the second act. The band was formed
a year ago for the purpose of one show at the Nomad,
and they have been playing area shows ever since. Their
outfits were more than my eyes could endure, the music
was far too danceable for my ears to believe, and
the kid who stood in front of me wore a thrift store suit
coat that reeked of sweat. In summary, Dance Band’s
performance was more
than my senses could
endure. Their front-man
appeared to have dropped
down from the heavens
with Coke bottle glasses
and a beard of respectable
volume, he wore the lethal
combination of a denim
vest with skin tight jeans.
Accessorized with a blue
headband, a set of matching
arm-bands, and a gold,
bulldog chain, he would
end the show in nothing
but a pair of tight boxer
briefs and the thick coat of
body hair with which God
had blessed him. I conducted
my first ever dance
interview with him on
stage during the Girl Talk
set (more on this later).
I danced my way across
the stage and congratulated
him on a great show.
He introduced himself as
Paul, and we talked extensively
of the great sense of
community obtained at any
Dance Band show. “We’re
all a part of Dance Band,” shouted Paul over the music,
“it’s just that those in the audience are slightly less a
part.” But only slightly, we agreed.
The party started amidst flashing lights from above
and behind the Varsity stage, and one out-shined them
all. The pale skin of Dance Band’s skinny, shirtless guitarist
produced a light of such overwhelming fluorescence
that it was unsafe to look for too long. The drummer
wore a pink, white, and blue wind suit none too
different than the one your middle school gym teacher
used to sport. Best dressed of all was the bass player,
who accompanied his orange instrument with an orange
shirt, vest, tie and pants, capping it all off with
an extremely well fashioned mullet atop his head. The
[It] was w ithout a
doubt the hottest party
in the Midwest that
night, as we all proved
that the Minnesotans
can indeed “shake it.”
keyboardist was of the most understated hilarity imaginable.
His sweaty face, devoid of color, stared blankly
into the crowd. His soaked white t-shirt was stretched
around the neck collar, and his chubby face sat below a
glorious set of curls.
Gregg Gillis, a.k.a. Girl Talk, is a native of Pittsburg,
PA, known and loved for his unique spin on the mash
up. No genre is safe from the sampling hands of this
twenty-six-year-old party starter. Here are several of
the song’s he’s remixed: Ying Yang Twin’s “Wait (The
Whisper Song)” over The Verve’s “Bittersweet Symphony,”
Bow Wow ft. Ciara “Like You” over Manfred Mann’s
“Blinded by the Light,” and Billy Squire’s “The Stroke”
over Dr. Dre’s “Nuthin’ But a “G” Thang.”
The band, as advertised, “supplied the dance,” stopping
only briefly between songs. Aside from a weak but
valiant effort on a Radiohead cover, the band proved an
unstoppable force, winning over the crowd with ease. A
good time was simply unavoidable with absurdist lyrics
about the “Midwest Coast,” and “shaking your babymakers.”
Although I had heard great things about Girl Talk’s
performances, I was skeptical. To my utter surprise, Girl
Talk more than surpassed all expectations.
The cogs began to swing frantically as “Once Again” the
opener of his heralded album, Night Ripper, stirred the
crowd into a perfect frenzy. A fan from the crowd was
surfed onto the stage, and then promptly and forcefully
removed. It happened again a few minutes later.
When the second offender was back on stage only thirty
seconds after being shoved off the side, the two security
guards rushed him towards the back of the stage,
this time with greater
brute force. Gillis, looking
up from his laptop to see
this, left his small circular
table, and chased them
down; after a moment of
conversation, the fan was
allowed to stay and danced
triumphantly. The stage
was quickly overrun by a
crazed mixture of rump
shaking beauties and head
banging guys. Not wanting
to miss out on the fun,
I traversed my way to the
front and hopped on stage.
The next hour and a half or
so was without a doubt the
hottest party in the Midwest
that night, as we all
proved that the Minnesotans
can indeed “shake it.”
Gillis was like a lighthouse
in a sea of crashing waves,
appearing and reappearing
from within the throng
of bouncing dancers. Unfazed
by the wild activity,
he proceeded to lay down
a seamless dance mix,
which was glorious. The most contemporary number
of the evening was the fusion of Grizzly Bear’s “Knife”
with Clipse’s “Wamp Wamp (What It Do).” He worked
diligently on his laptop, occasionally stopping to dance
recklessly, shaking his head and spraying sweat. Onstage
and off, we all shared an evening of incessant
body moving. As Gillis called the evening to a close, it
was to resounding applause. He turned to us on-stage
as the room began to clear, and thanked us for our efforts.
He turned and hugged the girl closest to him; I
was next. I complimented his skill, and he thanked me
graciously, a fitting end to an evening of shared emotion
and elation. We embraced and then parted ways. I
am forever grateful to Mr. Gillis for providing this memorable
night of onstage debauchery.
www.wakemag.org\05

Sound & Vision/
The
Guthrie
Goes
Political
by Valerie Franz
The English language had no way to articulate the kind of
immeasurable human suffering of WWII that can dismantle
an entire people. We said “never again.” But in fact, it
is happening again -Africa, and again the United States is
unable and unwilling to act; unable to prevent genocide.
Maybe it’s because the American public cannot face a crisis
in which men are being slaughtered while their families
look on, while their wives are being raped by man
after man after man. Maybe it’s too unimaginable for us
to do anything more than shake our heads while reading
the World section of the newspaper just before flipping to
the funnies.
On Friday, January 27, the Guthrie presented an innovative
play that merged Arts and Political Sciences.
Playwright Winter Miller’s In Darfur attracted a diverse
crowd of anti-genocide junkies, many of whom stuck
around for the post-play discussion. The new Guthrie was
packed with everyone from young refugee students to
the well-to-do retirees of Minneapolis. By the end of the
evening, we were all driven to tell someone, anyone about
what we had just experienced. In Darfur is not just a play.
It’s a call to action.
One of the first points asserted by Miller during the discussion
panel was that although this play is fictional, it is
remarkably realistic and does well to reflect the true goings
on of the conflict in Darfur. The play is a continuum,
in that from show to show it is never quite the same, with
new pages being added, (2 new pages added that day), new
facts, new numbers of deaths and of displaced people.
Day by day the genocide is worsening. Despite humanitarian
groups’ brave work in the region, their presence in
Darfur is becoming known as a real threat to the Janjaweed.
Aid workers are being targeted and murdered. The
panel, all of whom have been to Darfur, articulated that
the efforts of NGO’s and advocates are not enough and
that these organizations can no longer handle the crisis
alone. The region is simply too dangerous.
Lynsey Addario
Waiting for the play to start, I was unsure of what to
expect. In Darfur was to be a reading of a fictional play
about the humanitarian crisis in the Western part of
Sudan, known as Darfur. The actors sat in a row across
the black stage, reading their scripts off of music stands.
Before I knew it, I was completely engaged in the story
of Hawa, an English teacher and representative of the at
least 2 million displaced people in Darfur, and Maryka,
a New York Times journalist in search of a first page top
fold story and Carlos, a doctor who abruptly left his fiancé
to become an aid worker. Facing the constant threat of the
relentless violence of the Janjaweed (devils on horseback)
and the responsibility of saving a life, the three struggle
to survive while uncovering the horrors of genocide in
Darfur to the audience.
The panel, all of whom have been to
Darfur, articulated that the efforts of
NGO’s and advocates are not enough
and that these organizations can no
longer handle the crisis alone. The
region is simply too dangerous.
The discussion following the performance boasted a panel
of humanitarians who had all given much of themselves
to help both in Darfur and at home in their government
offices, classrooms, and stages across America. Panelists
included: Mark Brecke, an independent filmmaker and
documentary photographer; Jerry Farrell, director for
the American Refugee Committee in Sudan; Therese M.
Gales, also of the ARC; Mark Hanis, founder of the Genocide
Intervention Network; Moderator Ellen J. Kennedy;
Jane E. Kirtley, Professor at the Journalism School at the
University of Minnesota; Betty McCollum, Minnesota’s
Fourth District Congresswoman; and Winter Miller, author
of In Darfur.
Ron haviv
When the audience was asked whether they felt informed
about Darfur before they came to the show, almost every
hand went up. In Darfur was designed for the few in the
audience who felt uninformed. Miller wanted to create
something that was “as accessible as possible to as many
people as possible.”
Slouching in her chair among the panelists; arms folded,
wearing a brown sweater, black pants, and brown shoes,
Miller looked like a complete humanitarian badass. When
asked what she wanted her audience to do, Miller immediately
sat up and said, “Make some noise!”
Panelist Mark Hanis was particularly impressive as
well, not only because he is a young, good looking human
rights advocate, but because he has actually developed a
process. You may be wondering, dear Waker, “What can
I do”
If Hanis were here right now, he’d say “If not now, when
If not you, who”
Before we can act globally, we must act locally. Find your
voice. Wakers, I implore you, contact your local Congressperson.
Demand that the Sudanese government not lead
the African Union. Demand money appropriation to support
African Union soldiers. Encourage your parents to
divest. Many of us are unwittingly investing in industries
that support genocide. Demand nothing less than an A+
from Congress.
Genocide ends with you. In Darfur is a new tool for activists;
it’s a political message communicated through art.
06/07–13 February 2007

\ Sound & Vision
MN Orchestra
Rocks Zeppelin
by Alice Vislova
March 3rd – Zep fans will rejoice and the spirits of Robert
Plant, Jimmy Page, John Bonham, and John Paul Jones will
rock in full glory as the Minnesota Orchestra performs the
music of Led Zeppelin at the Target Center. Whether or
not the entire orchestra has been sentenced to an eternity
in hell for playing devil’s music is yet to be determined.
But we do know that this is not the first time that orchestra
members are letting their hair loose, so to speak. The
one-night-only, March 3rd show is actually an encore in
response to enthusiastic feedback from the public during
last year’s performances of a similar nature. According to
publicist Gwen Pappas, the Zeppelin shows are a part of “a
very successful series of pops concerts that feature orchestra
arrangements from pop songs, frequently paired with
pop artists.” Previous pops concerts have included music
from groups such as Swedish quartet ABBA. Although
pop, rock and classical may not strike us as compatible,
Pappas assures that “the beauty of a symphony orchestra is
that it can play a very wide range of music.”
In addition to a full orchestra, the concert will feature a
The full orchestra and Jackson’s
voice adds a twist to the original
versions while still preserving the
epic Zeppelin sense throughout.
rock band and lead singer by the name of Randy Jackson.
The project is the brainchild of musician and conductor
Brent Havens who wanted the orchestra supporting the
band “to give the music a richness, a whole different feel, a
whole different sense of power.” Indeed the assertion and
power of Led Zeppelin’s songs are amplified by the orchestra
in a way that would make Jimmy Page proud. Although
the richness of the music is captured by the Minnesota
Orchestra’s rendition, lead vocals by Randy Jackson sound
somewhat different from Robert Plant’s original rendition.
Jackson’s voice lacks some of the depth of Plant’s, but
its lighter and eerier quality lends itself well to the heavier
orchestral rendition. Although the Minnesota Orchestra’s
renditions of Zeppelin songs may not be quite identical to
the original recordings, homage is still paid to the original
pilgrims of hard rock; the full orchestra and Jackson’s
voice adds a twist to the original versions while still preserving
the epic Zeppelin sense throughout.
Soloist Randy Jackson, (no relation to American Idol) is
quite the legend himself. Frontman of ’80s rock band Ze-
bra, Jackson is still going strong,
having released his latest record
with Zebra in 2003. In fact, Internet
discussion boards are dedicated
to comparing the guitar skill
of Jackson and Zeppelin’s Jimmy
Page. However, Pappas explains
that in this particular performance
Jackson’s aim is to capture, as
much as is possible, the essence of
Led Zeppelin.
Many recognize the sharp violins and
syncopated drums of Zeppelin’s timeless
songs “Kashmir.” However, as the
violins multiply into dozens and the
drums resonate through the crowd at
the Target Center this March, we
may remember again, or perhaps
understand for the first time that
the song is more than just a classic.
As Jackson’s voice floats
over the rhythm, it carries a
dave hagen
personal message, one that has
inspired individuals for generations: “Oh let the sun beat down
upon my face, stars to fill my dream; I am a traveler of both time and
space, to be where I have been.” This March, these words will be for
us, and the voice of Robert Plant will resound as strongly as ever.
Reviews
Clinic
Visitations
by Carl Carpenter
This Liverpool quartet began playing nine years ago.
Visitations is their fourth album, but it’s a fresh start in
the direction of absolute gold. They released their debut
album in 2000, titled Internal Wrangler which landed
them a tour with Radiohead. In 2002 they came out with
Walking With Thee, and then in ’04 with Winchester Cathedral,
a gloom and doom record teetering on the edge of
scary. On the other hand, Visitations has plenty of mood
setters, and some of their most optimistic lyrics to date.
Album opener, “Family,” features fuzz to the guitars and
bounce to the vocals and drums. “Animal/Human,” to
which no comparisons can be drawn is far from familiar.
One wearied voice begins the song, it is joined by another,
the beats drop out, snaps come in, twitchy funk riffs
intervene, a Yiddish — inspired loop played on accordion
closes out… and it makes perfect sense. Guitars are heavy,
voices uneasy, and the chimes and guiros are out in full
force. The toms, which the drummer frequently lays into,
perhaps overstay their welcome, but on the whole keep
things firmly in place. The album ends with “The Cape,”
returning the listener full circle to the southern static
guitars heard on the album opener. Don’t be surprised if
you feel like letting it play another time through.
I give this EP a 8.5 out of 10 on Carl’s, less callous than
Pitchfork but more rational than RollingStone, scale
of review.
To Kill a Petty
Bourgeoisie
Retire Early EP
By Carl Carpenter
Taking a history class Has your professor just unloaded
a monster reading assignment Well, my friends To Kill
a Petty Bourgeoisie have the cure for your homework ills:
Retire Early EP by this Richmond, VA, duo is stuffed to
the gills with image conjuring sounds sure to make your
assignment a far more imaginative read. Like experimental,
ambience rockers Massive Attack and Portishead before
them, they’ve captured a mood conducive to thinking
nostalgically upon times far more romantic and violent
than those we may be currently stumbling through. The
group’s name was drawn from an era of French history.
“The name grew gradually from our desire to leave behind
that stigma of societal expectation, and become who
we are today,” explain band members, comprised of Mark
McGee and Jehna Wilhelm. They feel that the Retire Early
EP is a big step forward for the band. “This helped us to
get signed by Kranky Records, who we’ve begun recording
with, due out this fall,” says Wilhelm. “It’s the first
true essence of what we’re going to be.”
The Retire Early EP plays like a dream, both in quality
and content. Hazy at first as you begin to slip under the
mysterious, foreign beauty of Jehna’s voice is like a call
to arms with the faintest notion of urgency. The firm grip
of Mark’s creative can be heard as early as the first track,
“I Box Twenty,” which features whirling wind and the
pound of a hammer on steel. The eerie soft stomping of a
processor and shrill tension of a modulator prove a perfect
backdrop for Wilhelm’s vocals. “Lenard Grey,” which
clocks in at six minutes, is like walking alone down a
dimly lit path through a forest. You’ll find it peaceful, but
the warning keyboard, cooing vocals and drudging bass
will start your mind running wild with illusions of unknown
danger. Retire Early EP is but a hint of things to
come: “If you’re enjoying this EP, and our current sound,
you’re going to love our new songs,” assures Wilhem.
I give this EP a 7.9 out of 10 on Carl’s, less harsh than
Pitchfork yet more consistent than RollingStone, scale of
review. (But it’s a 10 if you’re currently enrolled in World
of Rome.)
www.wakemag.org\07

Voices/
dave hagen
America Should Lick Dick
VP’s misleading propaganda
warrants swift retribution
BY Ben drewelow
On November 8 of last year, President Bush sawed off a
dead leg as Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld “resigned.”
Americans insofar had sat quiet through the
exodus of the neo-cons, the members of President Bush’s
cabinet who are largely responsible for the war in Iraq
and the Bush post-9/11 platform of war profiteering and
expansive executive power. The timeliness of Rummy’s
resignation carries with it a weight that the previous exits
of Powell, Ashcroft, Card, Fleisher, McLellan, Tenet, Wolfowitz,
Feith, O’Neill, Veneman, Thompson, Snow, Norton,
Evans, Paige, Martinez, Mineta, Principi, and Ridge,
(to name a few) didn’t. With Rumsfeld out and a slew of
southpaws in congress, Dick Cheney is a sitting quail.
Poor marksmanship is the least of Cheney’s problems
these days. Remember in August of 2002 when he appeared
on Meet the Press and said, “Simply stated, there
is no doubt that Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass
destruction.” Well, 234 Democrats in the new House
of Representatives do. Democrats know, too, that based
on accounts from people like former CIA Europe Bureau
Chief Tyler Drumheller, ex-CIA analyst Paul Pillar,
ex-CIA Chief of Staff John Brennan, Colin Powell’s
top aide, Lawrence Wilkerson and numerous others, that
through a secretive Pentagon office occupied by neo-con
hawks Paul Wolfowitz and Doug Feith, Cheney based his
WMD case against Iraq by cherry-picking faulty intelligence
reports that the CIA knew lacked credibility.
This has been chronicled in several books. For an accurate
and intriguing exposé, watch an episode of PBS’s
Frontline titled, “The Dark Side,” that aired last year.
It is available for viewing online at http://www.pbs.
org/wgbh/pages/frontline/darkside/.
Clinton’s offenses pale in comparison to
those of Bush and Cheney, who misled
the country into a perilous war that has
toppled America’s moral high-ground in
the world.
Certainly Cheney was not the only person selling the war
in 2002 and 2003. Other major promoters of WMD propaganda
included former Secretary of State Powell, ex-
CIA Director George Tenet, Condoleezza Rice, Rumsfeld,
and Bush. Powell and Tenet left office long ago. Rumsfeld
is history. Rice is guilty of spewing loads of pre-war
rubbish, but she is believed to have been speaking to the
things she was hearing from the likes of Rumsfeld and
Tenet.
So there are Bush and Cheney facing an opposition legislature
for the first time. The Republicans House in
1999 wanted to impeach President Clinton for lying
about his personal sexual transgressions, and they spent
$40,000,000 investigating him; far, far more than was
spent to investigate the events of September 11, 2001.
Clinton’s offenses pale in comparison to those of Bush and
Cheney, who misled the country into a perilous war that
has toppled America’s moral high-ground in the world.
Cheney, not Bush, may suffer the wrath of Democrats.
An attempt to impeach Bush might only empower likely
2008 presidential nominee John McCain, who could assert
that a Bush impeachment was nothing more than vengeful
political gamesmanship on the part of bitter Democrats.
Moreover, there isn’t a strong public outcry to impeach
Bush. The impeachment of Dick Cheney, however, can be
carried out swiftly using stellar politics.
Senator McCain, and many others in congress, are promoting
the creation of an independent office that would
investigate accusations of official misconduct and determine
which charges are worthy of congressional oversight
hearings. The Democrats should pass this legislation in
the spirit of nonpartisanship and good government. Upon
the implementation of this new office, Democrats should
recommend that it examine Cheney’s pre-war campaign,
which contained countless deceptive statements similar to
the Meet the Press quote. That office would have no choice
but to forward the matter to congress, in light of so many
credible sources claiming that Cheney knowingly misled.
The oversight committees, in Democratic control, would
move to impeach and the House majority would prevail.
The divided Senate may or may not vote with the House.
Funny, Senator McCain finds himself in a very compromising
position; difficult for him to vote against Senate
Republicans, but equally difficult for him to side with an
exposed Dick Cheney. Even if he were to vote against a
Cheney impeachment, he could hardly use it against Democrats
in ’08, since the censure would have come from the
independent office that he championed.
Impeaching Vice President Cheney is a win-win move for
Democrats and for America. The country cannot tolerate
leaders in the highest offices of government who manipulate
intelligence and cheat our governing processes.
The new congress must send the message to Bush, and to
future presidents, that honest leadership is essential to
a functioning democracy, and officials who abuse power
will be not only be caught, but they will suffer the consequences
as prescribed by the Constitution.
08/ 07–13 February 2007

\ Voices
Oh (Not) My God
Confirmation class sneaks in
during early puberty’s naivety
BY nattie olson
By the time they smeared the warm oil across my forehead,
buying the shred of a soul my mother insists I have,
it was already too late. When I first lost my dignity, I was
fourteen years old and dolled up in a suit at the front of
the Basilica downtown with my fellow confirmation class
byproducts. Slightly less than a decade and a half earlier
my uncle was holding my gelatinous body and unformed
skull while this dude, not the same person as the one with
the oil, but close enough, poured water down my forehead.
I imagine I cried at the time. But that second time,
when I was fourteen, that’s when the tears should’ve
come. Because if I’d known of what I was forsaking, I
never would’ve gone. In the name of the Father and the
son, whatever. I was fourteen years old and ignorant from
their lies and my own uninformed gullability, oh boy. I
was a Catholic all right.
In some Jewish and Christian sects, there’s this big process
called confirmation. If you’ve had the misfortune of
being forced into this said experience, you undoubtedly
remember the reasons your elders gave you, and why this
whole ordeal was so necessary. We were a freshmen in
high school when they brought us in once a week to this
confirmation class. They told us we were doing it because
when we were babies, we weren’t exactly keen enough
to decide to accept God as our Savior, so our godparents
and parents decided for us. Now it was our opportunity,
they said, as adults, mind you, to elect to accept Jesus, etc.
Adults. Interesting. I was fourteen when they said this.
But looking back, was it a decision, or was it just as forced
as the baptism For starters, I was fourteen, for Christ’s
sake. This was a full year or so before driver’s ed even
happened, back when fart jokes were still funny, when
young women were still another species, and of them I
was terrified. If this confirmation shit were really as important
and crucial as they say it is, why the fuck do they
have us make this “decision” when we’re that young I
look to Philip Morris for the answer. Kids are dumb. So
why not have them ascribe to whatever way of life you
want for them before they’re really able to think for themselves
Start smoking cigarettes when you’re twelve, walk
through a sacrament like this, is there really much of a
difference As a fourteen-year-old, I was probably too
giddy at the thought of being an “adult” to realize what
was really going on.
Six years after, I still fall into Chuck Palahniuk’s unfortunate
description of the young men of our generation;
how most of us are more like grown-up boys than men.
Even though I was told so, I wasn’t an adult then, and I’m
still probably not. But if there’s one thing I know about
myself and what I do, I know that I’m pissed that I was
confirmed. Had I not been so preoccupied with the crippling
fear of getting another swirly from the seniors at
school, shit, had I been slightly older and smarter to make
such a huge decision about my life, I wouldn’t have done
it. Sure, the family would’ve been upset, as they were this
past Christmas Eve when my sister and I elected to stay
up drinking coffee liquer while watching Lost and wrapping
presents instead of going to Christmas Vigil. But
they got over it, and I’m guessing they probably would’ve
back then, too.
So some people might ask, “But Nattie, why is it such a big
deal” It’s not like I’m forced to go to mass now, nobody’s
withholding food until I pray myself to sleep. (Although
at times, walking around campus, you can’t help but feel
that way.) So why should it matter Am I just being too
sensitive Is this just another entry from the long list of
things that irritate me I’d like to think so, but it isn’t. Unfortunately,
it’s bigger than that, and in step with how I
ended up, I’m officially ashamed I was confirmed. Because
it’s the antithesis of everything I turned out to be.
Start smoking cigarettes when
you’re twelve, walk through a sacrament
like this, is there really
much of a difference
But you got to hand it to the Catholics. Somewhere in the
big list of people who belong to them, they sneaked one by.
Whenever they brag to announce how many members they
have, I’ll always know they’re adding one that doesn’t
really count. The only reason I’m included is because I
didn’t know who I was then, but can you really blame me
I was just fourteen.
Do you remember when your parents used to say “Eat
your vegetables,” Well, for me it was more like “Stop
watching so much TV,” and “Quit putting soy sauce on
your pizza,” but were these comments really much different
than our “decision” to enter confirmation class, or to
get a bar mitzvah And even if you’re one of those people
who thinks I’m bound to spend eternity, whatever that
is, in anguished peril, and you’re glad you got confirmed,
wouldn’t it have been more significant had this decision
actually been yours, not something which was force fed
to you from the elders in your community Adult decision,
what a crock. They told us it was our big momentous
entry into all things responsible, marking the beginning
of what we want, our desire to be with God, yet had we
objected Well, something tells me they might not’ve been
so thrilled about how we were employing our new stature.
You’re a grown-up now, kiddo. Just as long as you do everything
we say.
Photo Poll
by Heejin Han
What is the most
valuable lesson
you learned from
freshman year
The importance of
making an effort to
find friends. For the
first couple weeks of
school I kept to myself
and wasn’t very social.
Once I started to
make an effort to talk
to people, I actually
made some friends.
LUKE FERGUSON
English
Sophomore
What a real friend is.
I could always call my
friend from home at
anytime of day when
I needed someone to
talk to. We got busy
and might have only
talked once a month
but when we did, it
was like we were
home.
KATIE SAWICKI
Art
Junior
I learned that I
should not wait to do
homework the day it
is due. Also, I learned
that it is important to
read for classes even
though it puts you to
sleep.
ZACH CHRISTENSEN
Computer Engineering
Freshman
I learned that it is
important to make
time for myself
especially during
stressful weeks or
days.
LAURA DOMINE
History
Sophomore
www.wakemag.org\09

Feature/
55408:
A ZIPCODE OF
MANY TALENTS
by sage dahlen
As chilly hipsters stepped in past the graffitied walls of the
Intermedia Arts gallery in Uptown Minneapolis this past
Friday night, they were immediately greeted by a complete
sensory experience.
The sound of the Pixies’ “Wave Of Mutilation” and the warm
light of the room were a welcome change from the howling
wind and shades of gray outside. Minneapolis 55408, the latest
exhibit at Intermedia Arts, held its opening reception on
Friday, January 26th. The event drew friends, neighbors and
art enthusiasts alike in from the cold to admire work made by
artists in the community.
In its eleventh consecutive year, 55408 includes artwork from
approximately 40 different artists. Of these artists, about half
are returning contributors and half are newly recruited. The
one thing they have in common is that they all reside within
the confines of the 55408 code. Brochures located at the entrance
of the building detailed the exhibit, and act as a map to
guide viewers through the galleries packed literally shoulderto-shoulder
opening night.
Included in the brochures are descriptions of artwork from
the artists themselves. Although many of the descriptions
were meant to clarify themes and unusual aspects of the
pieces, some are works of art in themselves.
“As cars pass/As weeds grow/As the light moves/What passes
for day at night on my walls/Some ghosts” reads the description
of Gene Pittman’s pair of watercolors, both of which
are appropriately titled “Some Ghosts.” The paintings have
a very ephemeral quality to them, as if the ghosts may have
heard someone coming and disappeared, only to return to the
frame as soon as a back is turned.
Many of the other pieces continue this theme of unseen or
dreamlike content. This includes clear examples such as
Brian Jon Foster’s “Big Blue Dream” as well as some more
subtle references such as Reid Olson’s “Gracefulness” which
consists of red glitter spread finely over raised canvas clouds.
chris roberts
Some pieces reflect the 55408 area in a more literal way by
depicting neighborhood scenes in photographs. Jeffery Farnham’s
collection of photos entitled “Minneapolis Homicide
Locations 2004” portrayed sites where horrific incidents had
taken place. The photos themselves however were serene,
suggesting the possibility of unseen dangers or perhaps a
false sense of security. Characters are also well represented
in the exhibit, whether as characters in comic strips or jesters
made of wire.
Mary P. Gibney has contributed “Portraits From Weegee’s
World;” nine small paintings that, combined with their lessthan-subtle
titles, such as “Clown” and “Jazz Lover,” portray
whole personalities with a single glance. The gazes of her
10/ 07–13 February 2007

\Feature
subjects are direct. They stare back without hesitation. In
contrast, portraits contributed by artist Ben Olson, show subjects
whose eyes are clearly engaged by a third party.
Olson’s work was recently on display at the Rogue Buddha
galleries in Northeast Minneapolis, where it received
a great deal of attention. Olson’s self-proclaimed fascination
with people in awkward situations may explain why his
subjects have averted eyes. His artist statement as posted
on his website, www.benolson.net, contends that his paintings
portray snapshots out of people’s lives. This concept
is strengthened by the raw edges of his work, suggesting a
view through another medium.
“The viewer experiences a moment between two people that
we all are afraid to admit that we want to watch,” the statement
says.
Olson’s paintings are done on plywood, and incorporate paint
drippings into the core emotion of the painting. A prime example
of this technique is “Once We Were Punk” which contains
a gory gold-flecked glamour that for some may evoke the
spirit of Iggy Pop, rolling shirtless over broken glass.
A few of the pieces in the exhibit had more carefree and
childlike aspects such as Emily White’s watercolor painting
“Sailboats”, and Larry JaBell’s “Young Giratte”. The latter
was particularly pleasing to the exhibit’s younger audience
as they grinned and danced for the paper-maché animal.
Two other very different contributions from JaBell, “Drug
Holiday” and “Antiviraled Architecture”, seemed to appeal to
an older audience and were both constructed using discarded
pills and medications.
“I am able to relate to this one,” says a woman passing “Architecture.”
The comment was ensued by the woman’s uncomfortable
laughter as well as that of her friends. While JaBell’s
work seemed to desire further contemplation, other artists in
some ways tried to discourage it.
“There is no special meaning, hidden or otherwise, in my
works,” reads the brochure description provided by Morgan
L’Argent. One of this year’s contributing artists, L’Argent has
lived in the neighborhood throughout his entire life. Though
in past years L’Argent has contributed artwork to 55408 in a
variety of mediums including photography. Each of the pieces
L’Argent contributed to the exhibit this year incorporate electronic
elements.
While having a common theme throughout an artist’s work is
not unusual, artist Florence Brammer contributed four pieces
to the show, each of which was executed differently. Brammer
had three intaglio prints on display, each with an entirely
different feel and incorporated other artistic techniques such
as marker sketches, or watercolor. The prints each had a
“The people here are very proud of our urban and
somewhat bohemian reputation and propensities.
I think this year’s show is just amazing -- the
curators did such a wonderful job.”
unique personality as well. “Embedded” in sepia tones oozed
grim sophistication while “When Shopping Goes Bad” showed
a clever sense of humor.
Brammer, who has contributed to three previous installations
of 55408, can’t recall how she initially became involved
with the exhibit, but described the experience as
“life-transforming.”
“I can’t tell you how thrilled I was that first show -- to walk
in and see a piece that I had created on the wall of a legitimate
art venue!” Brammer says. In 1982, Brammer and her
husband made the move from New York City to Minneapolis.
Though their realtor insisted on repeatedly showing them
properties in the suburbs, they simply weren’t impressed.
“We finally ditched the realtor and hopped on a city bus.
We had no idea where we were going … but when we drove
through the 55408 neighborhood we knew this was it. We
can’t imagine making our home anywhere else,” Brammer
says. “There is definitely a range of economic and social realities
here … from lakeshore property to rundown student
multiplexes to substandard family housing. Community centers
and institutions like Intermedia Arts -- as well as retail,
restaurants and lake pathways, beaches and playgrounds
-- help to bring these various sub-communities within 55408
together.” 55408 Curator Bridgette Rongitsch contends that
this is exactly what Intermedia Arts intended to do.
“Intermedia began the exhibit when it first moved to the
neighborhood, as a way of announcing its presence in the
community,” Rongitsch says. Apparently, the message has
gotten through.
“I am so proud and honored to participate in the show and
to be a part of this community,” Brammer says. “The people
here are very proud of our urban and somewhat bohemian
reputation and propensities. I think this year’s show is just
amazing -- the curators did such a wonderful job.” Brammer
is not the only one to feel this way.
Artists and viewers alike seemed to regard the curators
with both gratitude and admiration, and with good reason.
Anyone who tried to navigate towards the lavish displays of
food during the opening reception was witness to its exceptional
attendance.
Even after the exhibit had begun, the curators’ job was far
from finished. Rongitsch spent the night engaged in one excited
conversation after another. The petite woman in fishnets
glided across the gallery eagerly greeting friendly faces.
Rongitsch, in her fourth year of being curator for 55408, said
that this year the exhibit is trying to emphasize the “interaction
between art and community.” Rongitsch and Sergio Vucci,
the exhibit’s other curator, were able to actually go into artists’
homes and studios to hand select which pieces would be
displayed. “There are certainly people who have been in all
eleven [exhibits] and it has been fun to see how their work has
progressed,” Rongitsch says.
In its eleventh year, Minneapolis 55408 is anything but tired.
With as many new artists as returning ones, the content is
fresh, vibrant and compelling. Though the exhibit is billed
as displaying work from “Minneapolis’ most creative zip
code,” perhaps 55408 is just benefiting from more support
than other artistic enclaves. This begs the question, how
well does anyone really know his or her neighbors In an
age where people prefer to converse by computer screen,
Intermedia Arts is reminding us all that we are all part of a
community, and that sometimes that community is pretty
darn cool.
The exhibit runs through March 17 and is free to the public. For
more information visit intermediaarts.org or call (612) 871-4444.
www.wakemag.org\11

Campus/
alex judkins
Consolidating the Gendered Citizen
BY cole dennis
A basement room in Ford Hall was filled
with a crowd of people who looked like
they would be attending a talk about
transgender rights. By this, of course, I
mean people like me had gathered to hear
Consolidating the Gendered Citizen: Trans
Survival, Bureaucratic Power, and the War
on Terror, a lecture put on by the Gender,
Women and Sexuality Studies Department.
The tattooed and pierced and poorly
dressed bleeding hearts of the University
of Minnesota had shown up full force, and
it made me sad that the wrong people were
going to hear the right message. It had
looked as though there were a few stragglers
lured in by the promise of free Diet
Coke and Oreos, but other than that we all
would’ve heard this a thousand times before
and no one’s mind would be changed
because we’d already had them changed.
But I was wrong.
Dean Spade, in addition to having a haircut
I’m jealous of, has views on activism
and the fight for GLBT rights (well, specifically,
the underrepresented T’s - transgender)
that most people don’t consider.
Dean doesn’t think of equality the way the
rest of modern America, or the gay and
lesbian movement, does. Instead of trying
to change the law, Dean wants to challenge
the bureaucracy that holds transgender
people down.
In California, the legal defense of “transpanic”
is now illegal. This means that no
defendant can say he or she panicked when
discovering someone is a transgender and
manically killed that person. This is good,
but Dean asks the question “Should we be
stopping the killing instead” That is the
difference.
His lecture remained interesting somehow,
though much of it was discussing the
boring minutia of laws and how they vary
state to state, such as how remarkably different
states handle changing a person’s
legal gender. Say that in your state, you
have to undergo a surgical operation and
have proof from your doctor to change the
gender just on your driver’s license. If you
went to Oregon, where each case is evaluated
by a judge and then a court order
is put out to change your listed gender,
your gender would legally change as you
crossed state lines. You can probably see
how this could be a problem.
Instead of trying to
change the law,
Dean wants to
challenge the bureaucracy
that holds transgender
people down.
The War on Terror even managed to get its
sticky little moronic hands on the lives of
transgender New Yorkers. When lobbying
for new legislation on legally changing
a person’s gender in New York City,
where “once you send them your uterus
on a platter, they’ll change your birth certificate,”
Dean and his fellow lobbyists
presented evidence on the matter and were
finally making leeway after two years of
work, then were shot down on the basis of
risks of terrorism. I suppose the thinking
is that we couldn’t track the terrorists if
they went around switching genitalia all
willy nilly on us. Or worse yet, surgically
implanted exploding penises. Just think
about it.
What needs to be done, at least in
Dean’s opinion, is to make living as a
transgender person well, livable. Instead
of focusing on, say, punishing
prisoners who’ve committed violent
crimes, maybe we should try and make
it possible for transgender people to
get a job, or find government help, or
even have access to shelters.
12/ 07–13 February 2007

\Campus
Develop: Looking Through
the First Year Lens
BY carl carpenter
Thrust into a world of complete independence,
we first-year students have reacted
in a number of ways. No longer under the
watchful eye of our parents and guardians,
we were forced to step out of our
comfort zones, and into a world of fresh
faces and new obstacles. Twelve freshmen
were selected through application to document
their first semesters as freshman at
the University of Minnesota. Through photography
and journaling, these students
captured this time of personal discovery,
uncertainty, and stress. Would they fold
under the pressures of increased workload
Could they survive the sheer size and
population of the U Would they achieve
more A’s and B’s on their hepatitis reports
than on their finals Only time would tell.
Over at the Coffman Art Gallery, I took in
the fruit of twelve semesters of progress.
The level of photographic ability varied
greatly among the participants, but all
efforts were genuine. The most striking
feature of these projects was how they all
told a unique story, demonstrating the forgotten
fact that each person in themselves
is an interesting tale. In our cramped-fortime,
1,000-things-on-our-mind world, we
rarely take the time to realize how inherently
captivating each individual can be.
This art exhibit was a welcome step back
from my own life, and into that of twelve
others.
Two of the freshmen were at the U from
states outside of the Midwest. The first
was Donovan Begay from White Cone, AZ,
a small town on a 24,000 acre reservation.
Donovan was this year’s recipient of
the annual Ethel Curry Native American
Scholarship Fund. One theme of Donovan’s
photographs was his heritage as a
Navajo Indian. He’s involved in an American
Indian student organization. “It was
important to me to help with establishing
our presence here, as we’re such a small
part of the population,” he says. Donovan
also had a photo taken from inside his
dorm, Frontier Hall, looking out, capturing
the year’s first snowfall. “A lot of the
pictures were of my dorm and others, because
this is my new home,” he says. The
other non-Midwesterner was Hannah Eaton
from Brooklyn, NY. Her overall theme
was expressed in chaos, not uncommon to
a first year’s lifestyle. Pictures of messy
dorms adorned with McDonald’s wrappers
and peanut butter jars. Contrasting
with the others, my favorite photo was of a
girl sitting out on a rock just off the bank
of the river, looking off towards the calm
water.
Could they survive the
sheer size and population
of the U Would they
achieve more A’s and B’s
on their hepatitis reports
than on their finals Only
time would tell.
The message of Tahnee Zerr’s photographs
and journals was that finding new friends
is hard. Hailing from the tiny town of Mohall,
ND, the task was, at first, as daunting
as the move to the big city. By semester’s
end, however, she was as cozy as could
be. “I discovered it was possible to love
and call two very different places home,”
Taltnee says in her closing remarks of the
short explanation next to her pictures.
Jennifer Marshall had a strong emphasis
on the overwhelming task of finding
her classes, and then subsequently staying
on top of her studies. The majority of
Jennifer’s pictures were of students alone
in the library or Coffman, books spread all
around, head resting in their hands, a pose
of utter despair. Her best photo, though,
was one of the few not focused on the rigors
of the collegiate workload. It was a
smiling couple shot unbeknownst, sharing
an intimate moment in the park. They sat
in the vast shade of a tree-laden section of
campus, the lighting ideal for such a private
moment.
April Nowack’s photos bore a thematic
resemblance to that of Jennifer’s. Her best
shot was of two mesmerized students star-
ing blankly up at two pillars in front of a
University building, dwarfed by its sheer
size. Evan Stremke’s shots and words were
all dedicated to the strong ties he’s already
formed with fellow dorm occupants and
classmates. The Milwaukee, Wisconsin,
native’s best picture was a stoic worm’s eye
shot of Coffman Union in black and white.
Sara Duchrow cited marching band, late
nights, studying, and new friends as areas
of greatest consequence to her first
four months at the U. Her best picture was
taken from underneath an overhang near
Kolthoff Hall, facing downtown. A support
beam split the picture in two: our
skyline on the right and a burst of sun filling
the left. Heather Klein, of Owatonna,
was clearly one of the participants going in
with a skill for the art of photography. Her
shot of the mighty Mississippi from behind
the shoe tree on the Washington Avenue
bridge was one of the most creative by a
mile. Her photo of the Weisman Art Museum
was the best of its kind. A faint glare
of orange reflected off the metallic sides,
accentuated by the clear blue sky filling up
the remainder of the frame.
Maria Macias’s photos focused mainly on
wacky exploits of her pals. She snapped
one particularly noteworthy picture of an
empty sidewalk through a rain covered
window on an overcast afternoon. Josh
Miller was the only one of the twelve to
take any pictures of the U of M’s noted
party scene. The scene outside a particularly
raucous house on Halloween night
was well worth remembering. He also
had a series of four pictures showcasing
Minneapolis’s stunning skyline. The first
was taken at sunrise, the second at its set,
the third of blurred view on a foggy day,
and the final in the dead of night. Megan
Manteuffel only had seven pictures on her
board, far below the average, but needed
not a single more. Megan was another participant
of sure photographic talent. Heidi
Johansen, who as you may have guessed,
hails from North Dakota, stressed the fact
of her having graduated with only thirtynine
other students. She took several shots
of bicycles and bike racks, a curious fixation
with no explanation … other than the
fact that she’s from North Dakota … which
is really just an answer in itself.
courtesy ofyp
www.wakemag.org\13

Campus/
The “Yellow Peril”
in the Americas
A transnational history
of Asian immigration
and exclusion
By Amy Fink
On Monday, January 22, Associate Professor
Erika Lee of History held a lecture
and discussion in the Elmer L. Andersen
Library on the West Bank about transnational
methodologies and how this cultural
shift played a vital role in the response to
Asian migration in the late 19th and early
20th centuries. The lecture, called “The
‘Yellow Peril’ in the Americas: A Transnational
History of Asian Immigration and
Exclusion,” was one of a series of seminars
sponsored by the Immigration History Research
Center.
The seminars are open to all students and,
according to Lee, tend to attract a diverse
audience—faculty, graduates, and undergrads
from various departments including
American Studies, History, Geography,
and even the Humphrey Institute.
Lee talked about the “yellow peril” in
conjunction with the idea of transnationalism.
Transnationalism refers to the increased
dialogue and fading of boundaries
between countries, such as was seen in
the case of Asian migration to North and
South America over a decade ago.
As early as the 1880s, the U.S., Canada,
and Australia began to restrict Chinese
immigration. In the U.S. and Canada
these restrictions were expanded to include
Japanese immigration in the early
1900s. What was once the Japanese and
Korean Exclusion League, established in
1906, became the Asiatic Exclusion League
in response to Indian immigration.
In 1907 a string of riots occurred, starting
in Bellingham, Washington and spreading
quickly to Vancouver and parts of California,
in response to the seizing of available
jobs and the monopolization of grocery
stores and small businesses by Asian
Americans. With this racial tension also
spread cooperation among North American
nations.
Other countries began to follow in the
footsteps of the U.S., adopting similar policies.
According to Lee, there occurred a
domino effect in which migration was redirected
to other places, especially in the
1930s when there was an influx of Asian
immigrants in Mexico and Latin America
because the doors had been shut in North
America. As a result, in the 1930s Latin
American countries such as Brazil and
Peru restricted Japanese immigration, and
the Chinese were expelled from Mexico in
1931.
Lee also talked about the Great White
Fleet, one of the largest naval fleets at the
time (between 1907 and 1909) and a prime
example of America flexing its strong arm
in response to Japan’s growing military.
“It was seen by countries like Australia
and New Zealand as a show of allegiance
among white settler countries in opposition
to the growing ‘yellow peril’ of Japan
and Japanese immigration abroad,” Lee
says.
Xenophobia is still very
much alive today
Lee asserts that xenophobia is still very
much alive today, especially after 9/11 and
the adoption of “border harmonization”
policies with Canada and Mexico to protect
against terrorism.
“I am interested in these subjects because
of their contemporary relevance,” Lee
says, “and because they help us understand
the central roles of race and immigration
in shaping American and world
history.”
Dave Hagen
14/07–13 February 2007

\Athletics
Modern Day
Gunfighters
By Matt Holland
Every weekend all over the country, if you
know where to look, you can find a motley
assortment of warriors preparing for battle
in brightly colored arenas. As the seconds
count down, plans are made, equipment
is checked and cleats are dug into the
turf. When the horn blows, it’s high noon
at the OK Corral. It’s Pearl Harbor, Rorke’s
Drift, the Battle of the Bulge. In less than
a minute, several thousand projectiles fill
the air.
Paintball is the third largest
extreme sport in the
world behind in-line skating
and skateboarding.
Paintball, with over 9.8 million players
around the globe, is the third largest extreme
sport in the world behind in-line
skating and skateboarding. Paintball players
are stereotyped as camouflaged militia-wannabes,
and while that is true for
some, there is a completely different side
to the game. Thousands of people participate
in competitive paintball, played
on small, spectator-friendly fields often
shown on ESPN.
The National Professional Paintball
League (NPPL) and Paintball Sports Promotions
(PSP) run five national events
every year. The 2006 PSP World Cup at
Disney’s Wide World of Sports in Orlando,
Florida brought more than 350 teams to
determine who is the best in the world.
Local paintball is thriving as well. Major
Minnesota tournaments include the Polar
Bear Circuit, the Annandale Youth Series
and the Splat Tag Rookie Cup. Players can
start in Young Guns or Rookie events and
move up the ranks to Novice and Amateur.
Playing in a local event can cost anywhere
from $100-$300 per player with some
tournaments offering cash or equipment
prizes. The equipment can range in cost
from $100 to several thousand dollars and
can be accessorized with several hundred
Matt Holland
dollars-worth of customizable parts. Most
of the markers used are fired by electronics,
making the trigger pull lighter than a
mouse-click. This allows players to fire a
constant 15 balls per second—faster than
many machineguns.
A few Minnesota teams and players have
made a name for themselves on the national
level, playing for professional teams
or helping local teams reach national tournaments.
In 2004 Team Splatball, from
Splatball Inc. in Minneapolis, and Zumbro
Factory, from southern Minnesota, tied
for fourth place in the PSP’s Novice season
rankings. At the 2006 NPPL Boston
event, Air Assault Factory took first place
in the Division III category. Air Assault
Paintball is an indoor field located about
20 minutes from the Twin Cities. Since
the Boston event, Air Assault teams have
performed well in several other national
events. Minnesota athletes have also
played on professional teams like the Philadelphia
Americans, Chicago Aftershock,
Las Vegas LTZ and more.
Recreational paintball is also popular in
the Midwest. Events like the Splat Tag Giant
Big Game in Hudson, Wisconsin draw
as many as 800 players who duke it out in
massive battles. These battles often involve
radio communications, tanks, military
tactics and many-acre playing fields. Organized
teams, like the Wild Bunch and
MN Militia, spearhead maneuvers and
take the role of Special Forces, seizing and
holding important objectives.
If you are interested in paintball, whether tournament
or recreational, the best place to learn more is
the Minnesota Paintball Internet Guide www.mnpig.
com. MNPIG has a comprehensive listing of paintball
fields, stores, tournaments and other events, and
there is a message board where local players can
get answers to almost any paintball-related query. It
is also a good idea to stop by a local field and talk to
players and employees. Air Assault Paintball www.
airassaultpaintball.com and Northside Sports www.
northsidesports.com are two good places to start.
www.wakemag.org\15

Literary/
Literary Events
Old Man and
The Fear
By Jeremy Becker
Standing at the bus stop, I scratch at my chin,
feel rough stubble growing.
my sweat smells like cigarettes.
A mantra runs through my head, A poem fueled
by alcohol and late nights sanitizing, purifying my thoughts:
I take it all back,
It bein’ The Fear
I’ll mail you the change.
I’m told of an old man,
He smells of antibacterial soap and war stories.
He is going back to Energy soon.
Decades of stress leave the old man’s face
visibly every day, every time he exhales
the wrinkles smooth out and ancient toxins hiss into the air,
harmless.
I take it all back,
It bein’ The Fear
I’ll mail you the change.
Who: Terry McAuliffe
What: Author discusses ‘What a Party.’
When: Wed, Feb. 7th, 7:00 pm. FREE
Where: University of Minnesota Bookstore (Coffman
Memorial Union)
Who: Ray Suarez
What: The senior PBS correspondent discusses ‘The
Holy Vote.’
When: Thu, Feb 8th, 7:00 pm. FREE; tickets required.
Call 651.696.6203.
Where: Macalester College
1600 Grand Ave, St. Paul; 651.696.6000
Who: Nuruddin Farah
What: Author discusses his writing
When: Thu, Feb. 8th, 7:00 pm. FREE
Where: The Loft Literary Center
1011 Washington Ave S, Ste 200 (Open Book), Mpls;
612.215.2575
Who: Writers of Color Reading: Julie Bates; Jessica Lopez
Lyman
What: Authors read from their work. Hosted by Sherry
Quan Lee
When: Thu, Feb. 8th, 7:00 pm, FREE
Where: Patrick’s Cabaret
3010 Minnehaha Ave S, Mpls; 612.721.3595
Who: Skip Yowell
What: Mountaineer and JanSport co-founder discusses
‘The Hippie Guide to Climbing the Corporate Ladder &
Other Mountains.’
When: Fri, Feb. 9th, 2:00 pm, FREE
Where: University of Minnesota Bookstore (Coffman
Memorial Union)
Starlight Open-Mic:
Sponsored by The Wake
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 9th,
7:00 PM-:
407 14th Ave. SE
Minneapolis, MN 55414
Who: You
What: The Wake presents its first open-mic of 2007 with
poetry, stories, music and ideas.
When: Fri, Feb. 9th, 7:00 pm, FREE
Where: The Starlight Café
407 14th Ave Se, Minneapolis, MN 55414; (612) 378-3129
Who: May Lee; Shoua Lee; The Un-Named Series:
Hmong and Lao Writers
What: Readings
When: Tue, Feb. 13th, 5:30 pm, FREE
Where: The Loft Literary Center
1011 Washington Ave S, Ste 200 (Open Book), Mpls.;
612.215.2575
Bring your thoughts,
scribblin’s and
instruments.
Interested in writing a book
review
jduellman@wakemag.org
16/ 07–13 February 2007

Photography/
“Tall Trees” by Angie Myhre
Photo contest
Win a Holga
Send submissions and questions to
Ethan Stark at estark@wakemag.org
by Feb 8th
18/ 07–13 February 2007

Chewy
Thanks Google!
Arbitrary
Awards
Best Star Wars-themed sexual maneuver:
“The Obi-Wang Kenobi”
Honorable mention:
“The Force Choke”
Honorable mention:
“The Unmasked Vader”
Honorable mention:
“The Sarlacc Pit”
(now possible—Google “Rapex”)
Honorable mention:
“Going ‘Solo’”
Honorable mention:
“The Full Chewbacca”
Mixed Nuts 9
By Jeremy Sengly
This is the
worst bake
sale ever!
www.wakemag.org\19

Classified Ads
wakemag.org/classifieds • 25¢/word
For Sale
Ad space, both here and in the magazine.
adamiani@wakemag.org
HP Deskjet 832C printer w/ good cartridges
and cables $30 | 651-291-0827
erinandpete@comcast.net
Fedders window air conditioner $50 obo
651-291-0827 erinandpete@comcast.net
New Frigidaire black microwave, overthe-range,
$150 612-251-0577 dkim40@
yahoo.com
New Slumberland full mattress, box
spring + frame, $150, 612-251-0577
dkim40@yahoo.com
4 black suitcases: 2 Samsonite, 1 Swiss
Army, 1 American Tourister $60obo, 612-
251-0577 dkim40@yahoo.com
Other
Guitar Lessons in Como Neighborhood
| Beg-Adv Acoust/Elect, Rates
OAP | 605-228-5595
Looking for a drummer and bass
player.Heavy metal/industrial genre.
If interested call: 651-492-8692.
Free Lunch and Mural viewing of
OM’S LAW, on how to cleanup pollution
in a hurry, cheap and easy,
safe and sane. From scrap. Daily
11:00 am to noon inside and outside
at the Pillsbury-Waite House by the
painted Rockfish at 13th and 26th ST
S, in Phillips. come, or be hungry.
ARIZ ANON