Grief: A Tangled Ball of Emotions... Grieving - Visiting Nurse Service ...
Grief: A Tangled Ball of Emotions... Grieving - Visiting Nurse Service ...
Grief: A Tangled Ball of Emotions... Grieving - Visiting Nurse Service ...
Create successful ePaper yourself
Turn your PDF publications into a flip-book with our unique Google optimized e-Paper software.
Hospice <strong>of</strong> <strong>Visiting</strong> <strong>Nurse</strong> <strong>Service</strong><br />
Spring 2008<br />
<strong>Grief</strong>: A <strong>Tangled</strong> <strong>Ball</strong> <strong>of</strong> <strong>Emotions</strong>...<br />
<strong>Grieving</strong>: A Process <strong>of</strong> Coping (Part II)<br />
by Rochelle Sheppard, MA, LPCC-S, GC-C, CT, Spiritual Care and Bereavement <strong>Service</strong>s Coordinator<br />
Yesterday,<br />
I viewed the<br />
movie, P.S. I<br />
Love You, based<br />
on a book by<br />
Cecelia Ahern.<br />
The movie<br />
depicts a young woman’s grief<br />
journey through the first year<br />
after her husband’s death. Holly,<br />
the main character, experiences<br />
a gamut <strong>of</strong> emotions while<br />
coping with the death <strong>of</strong> her<br />
spouse. The emotional roller<br />
The third annual Camp Promise<br />
will be <strong>of</strong>fered by the Hospice <strong>of</strong><br />
VNS Center for Loss and Hope<br />
June 23, 24 and 25 from 8 a.m.<br />
- 4 p.m. The camp’s hours were<br />
expanded this year due to popular<br />
request. The free summer camp is<br />
for children ages 6 - 11 who need<br />
help processing a significant loss<br />
(parent, grandparent, sibling...).<br />
The children will learn to manage<br />
and understand their grief<br />
through creative activities such<br />
as drama, music, art and sandtray<br />
therapy. A staff <strong>of</strong> experienced<br />
facilitators, including school<br />
coaster experienced by this<br />
main character seemed to mirror<br />
the pain expressed by many<br />
whom have shared with me<br />
their pain after<br />
loss. It is neither<br />
unusual nor<br />
incomprehensible<br />
for us to<br />
understand that<br />
with the death<br />
<strong>of</strong> a loved one<br />
there will emerge<br />
a great deal <strong>of</strong><br />
emotional pain.<br />
“What matters is not what life does to you<br />
but rather what you do with what life does to you.”<br />
— Edgar Jackson<br />
It is neither<br />
unusual nor<br />
incomprehensible<br />
for us to<br />
understand that<br />
with the death <strong>of</strong><br />
a loved one there<br />
will emerge a great<br />
deal <strong>of</strong> emotional<br />
pain.<br />
Still Accepting Registrations for<br />
Camp Promise: June 23-25<br />
counselors and<br />
bereavement<br />
pr<strong>of</strong>essionals,<br />
will oversee the<br />
children as they<br />
go through the<br />
creative stations.<br />
There is no cost<br />
for the program.<br />
A morning snack,<br />
boxed lunch and<br />
afternoon snack<br />
will be provided.<br />
Camp Promise will be held at<br />
the Hospice Care Center at 3358<br />
Ridgewood Road in Fairlawn.<br />
It is to be expected. The pain <strong>of</strong><br />
our loss floods every aspect <strong>of</strong><br />
our being. We may feel alone,<br />
unprotected and unsafe. We may<br />
find ourselves verbalizing<br />
our grief with words like,<br />
“How could this loss have<br />
happened” or “It is so<br />
unfair.” Every fiber <strong>of</strong> our<br />
being screams out against<br />
the loss. Oftentimes<br />
we enter the grieving<br />
process overwhelmed by<br />
a barrage <strong>of</strong> feelings.<br />
See <strong>Grief</strong> on Page 2<br />
For more information or to<br />
register a child, please contact<br />
Rochelle Sheppard at 330-668-<br />
4662 or 800-335-1455, Ext. 4662.
Bereavement Support • Spring 2008<br />
<strong>Grief</strong> / Continued From Page 1<br />
These same grief emotions are<br />
felt when the relationship may<br />
not have been as warm and<br />
loving as we would have desired.<br />
<strong>Grief</strong> emotions are not just felt<br />
when a person was loved, but<br />
<strong>of</strong>ten more<br />
so, and more<br />
intensely, when<br />
love was rejected<br />
or distant. Due<br />
to the emotional<br />
onslaught <strong>of</strong><br />
grief emotions,<br />
we feel drained,<br />
tired, confused,<br />
frustrated and/<br />
or disoriented,<br />
coupled with<br />
If we remain only<br />
on the emotional<br />
level <strong>of</strong> our loss<br />
we remain passive<br />
participants in<br />
our grief and we<br />
remain emotionally<br />
connected to the<br />
overwhelming pain<br />
<strong>of</strong> loss.<br />
a multitude <strong>of</strong> other emotions<br />
in varying degrees <strong>of</strong> intensity.<br />
However, experiencing these<br />
multitude <strong>of</strong> feelings is not the<br />
process <strong>of</strong> grieving. This is our<br />
feeling witnessing to our loss.<br />
Therefore, the process <strong>of</strong><br />
grieving is to enter into the<br />
work <strong>of</strong> grieving. <strong>Grief</strong> work is<br />
our active involvement in the<br />
unfolding changes resulting<br />
from the death; along with the<br />
many consequences experienced<br />
by the bereaved as a<br />
result <strong>of</strong> the death. If<br />
we remain only on the<br />
emotional level <strong>of</strong> our<br />
loss we remain passive<br />
participants in our<br />
grief and we remain<br />
emotionally connected to<br />
the overwhelming pain<br />
<strong>of</strong> the loss. If grief work<br />
is to be active it requires<br />
engaging the whole person,<br />
physical, mental, behavioral,<br />
spiritual and emotional, into the<br />
on-going challenges <strong>of</strong> coping<br />
with the loss. The wisdom <strong>of</strong> P.S.<br />
I Love You is the way in which the<br />
deceased husband goes about<br />
helping his wife engage in the<br />
work <strong>of</strong> grief, thereby helping<br />
her cope and adjust to his death<br />
and her ongoing life<br />
without him. While<br />
each grief journey is<br />
uniquely different, the<br />
process <strong>of</strong> grieving is to<br />
remain actively engaged<br />
while learning to<br />
accommodate loss into<br />
our life. Integrating loss<br />
into our daily life is not<br />
easy, as fellow bereaved<br />
will tell you. In his book,<br />
How We Grieve, Thomas<br />
Attig states,<br />
“We do not remain passive but<br />
rather actively engage the<br />
challenges presented by<br />
our longing for, and need<br />
to let go <strong>of</strong>, those we care<br />
about. We struggle to find<br />
means <strong>of</strong> overcoming,<br />
gaining control <strong>of</strong>, or<br />
constructively expressing<br />
and directing our<br />
emotions. We work<br />
our way through crises<br />
in self-identity and<br />
disruptions in our usual<br />
behavior patterns and<br />
develop alternatives.<br />
We address and seek<br />
to overcome strains in<br />
relationships and to<br />
build new ones. And<br />
we seek ways to make<br />
sense <strong>of</strong> our new reality<br />
and to find meaning in<br />
life without the deceased.”<br />
Page 2<br />
This is active grieving – longing<br />
and yet learning to let go, having<br />
control and yet losing control,<br />
overwhelming emotions and<br />
yet constructively expressing<br />
emotions, surrendering what<br />
was to what is now, learning<br />
to find peace in the midst <strong>of</strong><br />
pain. Coping and<br />
adjusting to these<br />
are the important<br />
aspects <strong>of</strong> active<br />
grieving; along<br />
with being fully<br />
engaged as we<br />
grieve and as we<br />
move in and out<br />
<strong>of</strong> our grief on an<br />
emotional level<br />
as well as a physical, spiritual,<br />
intellectual, and behavioral level.<br />
The process <strong>of</strong> adjusting to loss<br />
and learning to integrate our loss<br />
into our daily life is on-going and<br />
will continue until the day we die.
Bereavement Support • Spring 2008<br />
Untitled<br />
by Maureen J. McCardel*<br />
I have loved you in the darkness <strong>of</strong> the dawn<br />
In the fleeting shadows <strong>of</strong> daybreak<br />
I have loved you in the brightness <strong>of</strong> twilight<br />
In the lingering rays <strong>of</strong> nightfall<br />
I have loved you in the dryness <strong>of</strong> the rain<br />
When the raindrops stir the dust<br />
I have love you in the moisture <strong>of</strong> the sunshine<br />
That hangs heavy in the air <strong>of</strong> summer<br />
I have loved you in the warmth <strong>of</strong> the winter<br />
And the falling leaves <strong>of</strong> spring<br />
I have loved you in the overcrowded loneliness<br />
And deep in the solitary crowd<br />
I have loved you amidst the contradictions<br />
Despite the naysayers and optimists<br />
And you have lived in my heart in death<br />
And I die in living without you<br />
Crazy<br />
by Maureen J. McCardel*<br />
In the crazy hours I can hear your voice<br />
And smell your smell<br />
And feel your touch<br />
In the crazy hours you are near<br />
You love me still<br />
My fears are hushed<br />
In the crazy hours you never left<br />
I can see your laugh<br />
I taste your smile<br />
In the crazy hours I’m right as rain<br />
And happy too<br />
For a little while<br />
But the crazy hours, they fade away<br />
The truth sets in<br />
I feel the pain<br />
And I grieve sanely till the crazy comes<br />
To save my soul<br />
Once again<br />
*Editor’s Note: Maureen McCardel is a resident <strong>of</strong> Akron who has been helped by Hospice <strong>of</strong> VNS’ Center<br />
for Loss and Hope. She gave permission to share these poems with Bereavement Support readers.<br />
Bereavement Support<br />
Hospice and Palliative Care <strong>of</strong> <strong>Visiting</strong> <strong>Nurse</strong> <strong>Service</strong><br />
Can You<br />
Help<br />
Bereavement Support is a community newsletter<br />
published by the Communications Department <strong>of</strong><br />
Hospice and Palliative Care <strong>of</strong> <strong>Visiting</strong> <strong>Nurse</strong> <strong>Service</strong>,<br />
#1 Home Care Place, Akron, OH 44320,<br />
330-745-1601, 800-362-0031, www.vnsa.com<br />
© 2008 Hospice and Palliative Care <strong>of</strong> <strong>Visiting</strong> <strong>Nurse</strong><br />
<strong>Service</strong>. All rights reserved.<br />
President, Karen L. Talbott<br />
Bereavement Coordinator, Rochelle Sheppard,<br />
MA, LPCC-S, GC-C, CT<br />
Editor, Kelly Ward-Smith, Communications<br />
Specialist<br />
As a nonpr<strong>of</strong>it organization, Hospice and Palliative<br />
Care <strong>of</strong> <strong>Visiting</strong> <strong>Nurse</strong> <strong>Service</strong> relies on the<br />
community to support the development <strong>of</strong> new<br />
patient care programs and the delivery <strong>of</strong> hospice<br />
care to those who are unable to pay for their care.<br />
Gifts to Hospice and Palliative Care <strong>of</strong> <strong>Visiting</strong> <strong>Nurse</strong><br />
<strong>Service</strong> can be made in a number <strong>of</strong> ways. For more<br />
information, contact the Development Office at<br />
800-335-1455.<br />
For more information about our bereavement<br />
support services, or about hospice care, call your<br />
local Hospice and Palliative Care <strong>of</strong> VNS <strong>of</strong>fice:<br />
Summit and Medina 330-665-1455<br />
Portage 330-677-4666<br />
Stark 330-834-3484<br />
Hospice and Palliative Care <strong>of</strong> <strong>Visiting</strong> <strong>Nurse</strong> <strong>Service</strong><br />
is a nonpr<strong>of</strong>it, Medicare-certified agency, and is a<br />
member <strong>of</strong> the National Hospice and Palliative Care<br />
Organization and the Ohio Hospice Organization.<br />
You have the right to request that we not send<br />
you any future fund raising materials, and we will<br />
use our best efforts to honor such request. You<br />
may make the request by sending your name and<br />
address to Hospice <strong>of</strong> <strong>Visiting</strong> <strong>Nurse</strong> <strong>Service</strong>, Attn:<br />
Development Office, at 3358 Ridgewood Road,<br />
Akron, OH 44333, together with your request to be<br />
removed from our fund raising mailing and contact<br />
lists.<br />
Page 3<br />
Yes, I would like to help make<br />
bereavement services available for<br />
grieving adults and children in our<br />
community.<br />
My Name:____________________________<br />
Address:_____________________________<br />
City: _____________ State:____ Zip:______<br />
Accept my tax-deductible gift <strong>of</strong>:<br />
p $25 p $50 p $100<br />
p $250 p $500 p $______<br />
Please return this coupon with your<br />
check to:<br />
Hospice <strong>of</strong> <strong>Visiting</strong> <strong>Nurse</strong> <strong>Service</strong><br />
3358 Ridgewood Road<br />
Akron, Ohio 44333<br />
Thank you!
Calendar <strong>of</strong> <strong>Grief</strong> Support<br />
Hospice & Palliative Care <strong>of</strong> <strong>Visiting</strong> <strong>Nurse</strong> <strong>Service</strong> provides<br />
bereavement support programs in group settings for those in our<br />
community who have experienced a loss. There is no cost for these<br />
programs. If you would prefer to talk with someone individually,<br />
please call for an appointment. Evening appointments are possible.<br />
All sessions meet at the Hospice <strong>of</strong> <strong>Visiting</strong> <strong>Nurse</strong> <strong>Service</strong> Justin T.<br />
Rogers Care Center, 3358 Ridgewood Road, Akron, unless otherwise<br />
noted. Some support groups/programs require registration.<br />
For more information, to register, or to schedule an individual<br />
appointment, please call 330-668-4662 or 800-335-1455, Ext. 4662.<br />
TRUSTED SHARING SUPPORT GROUP SERIES<br />
An eight-week series for adults who wish to learn what<br />
they might experience during the grieving process. Group<br />
members share their stories, emotions, victories and hopes.<br />
Group members can expect to receive loving support from<br />
group leaders, information on the grieving process, and tools<br />
for handling the normal grief response. The next series will be<br />
held for 8 weeks beginning on Thursday, September 4 from 2 - 4<br />
p.m. or 6:30 - 8:30 p.m.<br />
HEALING JOURNEY SUPPORT GROUP<br />
A six-week series focusing on rebuilding life and incorporating<br />
hope after the death <strong>of</strong> a loved one. Group members will<br />
help normalize the grief experience through camaraderie<br />
On a regular basis we update our mailing list. Each month we take <strong>of</strong>f<br />
persons who have been on the mailing list for two years. If you have been<br />
receiving the Hospice and Palliative Care <strong>of</strong> <strong>Visiting</strong> <strong>Nurse</strong> <strong>Service</strong> Center for<br />
Loss & Hope mailings since April 2006, you will be taken <strong>of</strong>f this year.<br />
with each other, the sharing <strong>of</strong> feelings/stories, support and<br />
providing an incentive to make new friends and develop<br />
new interests as soon as they are able. The next series will be<br />
held for 8 weeks beginning on Tuesday, July 8 from 2 - 4 p.m. or<br />
6:30 - 8:30 p.m.<br />
MOVING ON SUPPORT GROUP<br />
This once a month series focuses on supporting those<br />
who are moving along the journey <strong>of</strong> grief and are now<br />
beginning to incorporate new behaviors in their lives as<br />
they attempt to create their “new normal.” Group meets the<br />
second Wednesday <strong>of</strong> each month at 2 - 3:30 p.m. or<br />
6 - 7:30 p.m.<br />
MOVING ON FAMILY SUPPORT SERIES<br />
A six-week program for adults with children under 18<br />
years <strong>of</strong> age. The focus <strong>of</strong> this support series is to address<br />
communication challenges, family identity, and to help<br />
focus on the actual loss for each family member. A certified<br />
sandtray therapist works with the children to help them<br />
express memories and feelings tied to the loss. Call for dates<br />
<strong>of</strong> the next series.<br />
INDIVIDUAL GRIEF COUNSELING<br />
One-on-one grief counseling is an option for individuals<br />
who either need more privacy in expressing their reaction<br />
to loss or who are unable to attend group meetings. Call for<br />
more information.<br />
If you wish to continue to receive these mailings, please call and let us<br />
know. We will be glad to keep you on the list. Please notify us at<br />
330-665-1455 or 1-800-335-1455.<br />
HOSPICE AND PALLIATIVE CARE OF VISITING NURSE SERVICE<br />
CENTER FOR LOSS AND HOPE<br />
3358 RIDGEWOOD ROAD<br />
AKRON OH 44333-3118<br />
NONPROFIT ORG.<br />
US POSTAGE<br />
PAID<br />
AKRON OH<br />
PERMIT NO 762