Emotional Intelligence & the Pastorate: "A Tool for Ministry"

Tough, Tender and
Transformational
A Tool for
Ministry
EI and the Pastorate:
a system for managing emotions and
creating positive outcomes
Delbert W. Baker, PhD, Oakwood University
Southern Union Conference Ministerium
Daytona Beach, Florida

Past
and
Present

Ministerial
Context

Pastors in Transition: Why Clergy
Leave Local Church Ministry
by Dean Hoge and Jacqueline Wenger
Wm B Eerdman’s Pub Co: Grand Rapids, MI, © 2005
The most prevalent reason clergy leave local
church ministry is moving on to another kind of
ministry. Joy and optimism often accompany
the minister through this vocational change.
The next three most prevalent reasons for
leaving are polar opposite experiences: 1)
leaving due to conflict in the congregation, 2)
due to burnout, or 3) due to conflict with one’s
denomination. Hoge and Wenger describe
more fully each of these leavings.

Conflict in the congregation most often
revolves around finances, leadership style,
changes in worship style, renovation
issues, and staff conflicts.
These are listed in descending order for frequency. The
researchers discovered two recurrent themes in congregation
conflicts leading to clergy leaving.
*First, even churches who say they want to grow are often
unwilling to tolerate the changes necessary to do so.
*Second, when conflict is present in the congregations, a
pervasive assumption exists that this must be (at least partly)
the pastor’s fault.
Wise clergy stay aware of these two dynamics as they interact
with the congregational system.

Never, ever think
outside the box!

Outside-the-Box

Three Objectives
1. Demonstrate how EI is an effective tool for
the Minister who wants to be effective.
2. Provide an overview of EI from the Bible and
Spirit of Prophecy.
3. Create motivation for the use EI principles.
Overall Objective: Show that EI facilitates a
successful Christ-centered ministry.

Emotions

Identify
emotions

YOUR GREATEST . . .
Emotional HOT BUTTON
-What ticks you off the
most
-What tempts you to lose
it

The Pastor’s Need
and the Greatest of
Gifts . . .

The Pastor Alpha’s saga
Pastor Alpha is educated, knowledgeable, impressive
looking , with an ideal spouse.
He seems like the ideal pastor with great potential.
Unfortunately, his ministry is experiencing problems and
is showing tale-tell danger signs.
Pastor Alpha’s problem: He is running into people
problems because he lacks the emotional skills
necessary to relate successfully to others.
(Even if not this extreme, everyone can increase their EI
and experience improvement in their relationships.)

Challenge
“Our greatest duty to
God and man is
that of self-improvement.”
Ellen White

Emotional Intelligence
and Ministry
There is hope for anyone having the Pastor Alpha
Syndrome! And for those who want to increase their
ability to relate to others successfully.
Integrating emotional intelligence (EI) principles in your
ministry in the context of Bible and Spirit of Prophecy
principles can facilitate transformation in the life of the
Pastor and Christian worker.
So EI is a tool that, with the help of the Holy Spirit, will
give you a handle on how to discover what you are doing
right and what you need to improve.

Skills expected in ministry
Biblical knowledge
Leadership ability
Communication expertise
Spiritual formation proficiency
Professional ethics
Preaching & teaching
Management (i.e., financial)
Evangelism (soul-winning)
Church growth principles
Denominational polity
These traits are often termed pastoral hard skills.

Skills expected in ministry
Interpersonal skills
Helping
Personal humility
Conducive environment
Diversity sensitivity
Ability to motivate
Conflict management
Fruits of the Spirit
Loving service
Lay empowerment
These traits are often termed soft skills.

EQ and IQ
Compared
How well you use
intelligence
Defines how intelligent you are
Gets you promoted
Gets you hired
Can develop and increase
Essentially is the same from
birth

A Biblical Perspective of
EI

Emotional Intelligence (EI)
Definition—”the capacity to recognize and manage our own
feelings and to respond to the feelings of others in such a
manner as to create positive outcomes.”
Few skills are as important to a Christian worker as the
spiritually based ability to understand and relate to one’s own
emotions and the emotions of others.
Pastor Alpha lacks emotional intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence (EI)
“We are judged by a new yardstick: not just by how smart we
are, or by our training and expertise, but also by how well we
handle ourselves and each other.”
Daniel Goleman, author of Working with
Emotional Intelligence and Primal Leadership
Having emotional intelligence is twice as
important for leadership performance as having
IQ and technical skills combined.

Universal and Timeless Principles

Biblical and Spirit of
Prophecy Basis for EI
Ministry is about people.
Loving and relating to diverse people is at the
heart of an effective ministry.
The ministry of Jesus—the true model of
leadership—was intertwined with people.
• “He who seeks to transform humanity must himself
understand humanity. Only through sympathy, faith,
and love can men be reached and uplifted.” (EG
White)
Crucial: Knowledge, abilities, and skills are
important, but they can’t be separated from the
centrality of sound emotional intelligence.

Biblical and Spirit of
Prophecy Basis for EI
Paul highlighted the importance of the leader’s
emotional intelligence.
• “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control. Against such things
there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus
have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and
desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in
step with the Spirit.” (Gal. 5:22-25, NIV)
Crucial: Emotional intelligence originates with the Holy
Spirit but needs to be cultivated and nurtured in the life of
the believer.

Biblical and Spirit of
Prophecy Basis for EI
Paul also identified emotionally unintelligent
qualities.
• “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual
immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and
witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage,
selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy;
drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I
did before, that those who live like this will not
inherit the kingdom of God.” (Gal. 5:19-21, NIV)
Crucial: These are emotions and actions that
need to be avoided.

Biblical and Spirit of
Prophecy Basis for EI
Other biblical counsel:
• Peter’s principles of spiritual development: Brotherly
kindness and love are at the top. (2 Peter 1:3-10)
• Paul prioritizes love above all else (1 Cor. 13)
• “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble,
whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or
praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you
have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in
me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with
you.” (Philippians 4:8, NIV)
Crucial: Next to loving God, loving and relating
authentically and sensitively to others is the primary
responsibility of a Christian.

Biblical and Spirit of
Prophecy Basis for EI
The Spirit of Prophecy speaks to EI:
Law of Mutual Dependence: “We are all woven together in the great
web of humanity, and whatever we can do to benefit and uplift others
will reflect in blessing upon ourselves. The law of mutual dependence
runs through all classes of society.” PP 534, 535 (1890)
Law of Beneficial Service: “In the Lord's plan human beings have been
made necessary to one another. If all would do their utmost to help
those who need their help, their unselfish sympathy and love, what a
blessed work might be done. To everyone God has entrusted talents.
These talents we are to use to help one another to walk in the narrow
path. In this work each one is connected with the other, and all are
united with Christ. It is by unselfish service that we improve and
increase our talent.” 2MCP 431 (1903)

Biblical and Spirit of
Prophecy Basis for EI
Emotional intelligence provides a platform and
context for love to demonstrate itself
(1 Corinthians. 13).
When a pastor models love, authenticity
and encourages members toward spirituality,
the church grows and develops.
Conversely, if the pastor models
selfishness and negative attitudes,
spirituality suffers and vitality plummets.

BIBLE CHARACTERS WHO DEMONSTRATED NOTABLE EI
19. (CM) Abigail
18. (CC) Abraham
I. (SeA) David
21. (TC) Jonathan
20. (BB) John
1. (E) Barnabus 2. (OA) Jethro
3. (SO) Dorcas
II. (SeM) Joseph
4. (ESC) Job
5. (T) Samuel
17. (C) Stephen
6. (C) John the Baptist
16. (I) Esther
7. (A) Simon of Cyrene
15. (IL) Joshua
8. (O) Caleb
IV. (SoS) Nehemiah/
14. (DO) Moses
13. (SC) Paul
12. (ASA) Deborah
III. (SoA) Daniel /11. (ESA) Jeremiah
10. (I) Noah
9. (AO) Solomon

Components of EI

Mastery and Awareness of the Personal
and Social Competencies (19) of EI
form the bedrock of how well we get
along and demonstrate love and respect
to others.
Self-awareness
Social Awareness
Self-management
Relationship management

Nineteen (19) EI Competencies to
Exponentially Enhance Your Ministry
Three (3)
Competencies
Self-
Awareness
1. Emotional
Self-Awareness
2. Accurate
Self-Assessment
3. Self-Confidence
Social
Awareness
10. Empathy
11. Organizational
Awareness
12. Service
Three (3)
Competencies
Six (6)
Competencies
Self-
Management
4. Emotional Self-Control
5. Transparency
6. Adaptability
7. Achievement
8. Initiative
9. Optimism
Relationship
Management
13. Inspirational Leadership
14. Influence
15. Developing Others
16. Change Catalyst
17. Conflict Management
18. Building Bonds
19. Teamwork and
Collaboration
Seven (7)
Competencies

The Goal:
Manage Your Emotions
The emotionally intelligent person can take
charge of his or her emotions.
Emotions ebb and flow naturally unless you
sustain them with your thoughts.
Managing how you think, talk or act out
your feelings will dramatically affect your
emotional intensity!

Four year old’s
had to pick:
Stanford U.
Marshmallow
One (1)
Marshmallow
now
or
Two (2) in
15 minutes (1/3)
Study (1960s)
“Kids who waited
(waiters vs grabbers) 14
years later scored
an average of 210
points better on
SAT scores!”
Delayed gratification
(self discipline)
key to long term success!
(Walter Mischel)

How EI works

Greater Mastery
Greater Results

Mind over Mood
Cognitive
Dissonance
Thoughts
Moods
Physical Reaction

Top Down Attitude
Acidic
Negativity
Paperwork
Before People
Organization
Rigidity
Possible Leadership
Career Obstacles
Oblivious to Misfit
Failing to Focus
Missing Cues
Dictatorship
Decision Making
Dirty Delegation
Communication Chaos

Emotional Intelligence
and Ministry
Everyday you deal — effectively or ineffectively — with EI
in every aspect of your ministry
• When an emotion like satisfaction, anxiety, or
frustration is experienced, the human brain is
programmed to respond to the threat and an emotional
response is triggered.
• However, acting on that first impulse can lead you to
say and do things you later regret.
• EI means that while you acknowledge your instinctive
emotional responses, you don’t act on them reflexively.
• But you step back from the situation and let rational
thought influence your actions.
Emotionally, you act intelligent versus unintelligent.

Event
Intelligent
Or
Response
(Emotion)
Ignorant

Thoughts vs. Feelings
• Without feedback from the body, emotions are
indistinguishable from thoughts
Person interprets the
emotion according to
situation (shakes, muscle
tension, butterflies…)
Conscious mind
contacts Limbic
system for emotional
reaction
Limbic System contacts
Hypothalamus
-Release/inhibition of neurotransmitters
-Hormones are pumped out
-Heartbeat, blood pressure, etc. altered
Hypothalamus causes:

Emotional Intelligence
and Ministry
EI and the mental process
Effective learning for
emotional competence has
to retune mental circuits and
make them work for and not
against you.

How to Incorporate
EI

“EI Ministry Change Model”
EXPAND
EI HORIZON
ACCEPT
PEOPLE…
EI Progress & Success
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE DEVELOP…
STRATEGY
FOR CHANGE
TRANS-
FORMATION
ADMIT NEED
FOR CHANGE
“A strong
man knows
how to use
his strength,
but a person
with
knowledge
is even
more
powerful.”
Proverbs 24:5 (GW)

SIX EI PASTORAL LEADERSHIP STYLES
VISIONARY
COACHING
AFFILIATIVE
DEMOCRATIC
PACESETTING
COMMANDING
The leader
modus
operandi
Mobilizes
people toward
a vision
Develops
people for the
future
Creates
harmony builds
emotional
bonds
Forges
consensus
through
participation
Sets high
standards for
performance
Demands
immediate
compliance
The style
in phase
“Come with
me.”
“Try this.”
“People
come first.”
“What do
you think”
“Do as I do,
now!”
“Do what I
tell you!”
Underlying
emotional
intelligence
tendencies
Selfconfidence,
empathy,
change
catalyst
Empathy,
building
relationship,
communication
Empathy,
building
relationship,
communication
Developing
others,
empathy,
selfawareness
Conscientiousness,
drive to
achieve,
initiative
Drive to
achieve,
initiative,
self
control
When the
style works
best
Overall
impact
on climate
When
changes
require a new
vision, when
a clear
direction
is needed
Strongly
Positive
To help an
employee
improve
performance
or develop
long-term
strengths
Positive
To heal rifts in
a team or to
motivate
people
during
stressful
circumstances
Positive
To build buy-in
or consensus,
or to get
input from
valuable
employees
Positive
To get quick
results from a
highly
motivated
and
competent
team
Negative
In a crisis to
kick start a
turnaround,
or with
problem
employees
Negative

Evaluate/Pay Attention
to Your Ministry
SUMMARY
Pastor Alpha’s
EI Growth

STEP 1: Evaluate/Pay
Attention to Your Ministry
Only about 20 percent of a given group of
people are committed to personal change.
Often it takes a crisis to bring about the
realization that a leader is having problems
and needs to change.
Change must begin with the person.
People learn what they want to learn and
when they want to learn it.
Pastor Alpha must have the interest,
motivation, and commitment to see the need
and admit the deficit in his ministry.

STEP 1: Evaluate/Pay
Attention to Your Ministry
Helpful indicators of need to change
• Frequent disagreements
• Lack of cooperation
• Feelings of isolation
• Anxiety
• Disruption of devotional life
• Lowering of spiritual standards
• Constant reoccurrence of career roadblocks
Pastor Alpha can develop the ability to
spiritually discern personal danger areas.

SUMMARY
Pastor Alpha’s
EI Growth
Make a Decision
to Change
Evaluate/Pay Attention
to Your Ministry

I hear...and I forget
I see...and I remember
I do...and I understand
Chinese Proverb

STEP 2: Note EI Benefits &
Make a Decision to Change
Thirteen Pastoral Emotionally UnIntelligent Practices
• Criticism
• Dictatorship
• Failing to listen
• Failing to communicate
• Inferior attitude
• Lack of delegation
• Manipulation
• Mind blind to
idiosyncrasies
• Unconscious to personal
faults
• Negativity
• Projects before people
• Rigidity
• Superior attitude
Crucial: These are emotions and actions that Pastor
Alpha needs to avoid.

STEP 2: Note EI Benefits &
Make a Decision to Change
Spiritual discipline
The Holy Spirit can nourish leaders through prayer, Bible
study, service, stewardship, and fellowship with
believers.
Spiritual discipline provides the energy and authenticity
to achieve the positive effects of emotional intelligence.
If necessary, get a confidential partner . . .
Emotional intelligence is a primary tool to effect
authentic relational improvements in a spiritual leader.

SUMMARY
Pastor Alpha’s
EI Growth
Implement Plan to Change, take
Immediate Action with Accountability
Decide what You Want to Do/Be
and Make a Decision to
Change
Evaluate/Pay Attention to
Your Ministry-Good & Bad

Acknowledging your/others
strengths and weaknesses
without condemnation is a key
sign of Emotional Intelligence.

STEP 3: Implement Plan to
Change, take Immediate
Action with Accountability
Three-part change strategy (HIT):
1 – Honestly assess (get input) your current EI
state.
2 – Imagine your desired EI goal or ideal state.
3 – Target/implement plan to achieve ideal EI
state.
Hope+Obedience+Providence+EI
= CHANGE

STEP 3: Implement Plan to
Change, take Immediate
Action with Accountability
Current
State
Tension
Ideal
State
Goal Goal
Implementation
Plan Plan
Evaluation

Powerful Techniques/Principles
that can Make an EI Difference
HALT Attack Signals
•Hungry: Be aware of
health & physical
condition
•Angry: Be carefulmad/bad
emotions
•Lonely: Be in tune to
vulnerability sting
•Tired: Be wary of
fatigue & low energy
BARE Emotional Necessities
Balance: Accept head &
heart tension—decision
Awareness: Recognize &
accept your own emotions
Responsibility: Own
motivating fears & desires
Empathy: Identify with
others feelings, dilemmas,
be aware & be sensitive

Correct eating is vital. We are what we eat.
Modern man has neglected this very
important feature of healthful living.
This neglect has resulted in much disease.
Brisk walking daily for at least 20 minutes
is the best exercise.
This is needed on the inside – about six
glasses a day between meals. And on the
outside – bathing or showering regularly
We do not need more than several
minutes a day, but it is vital.
True temperance is moderation in
that which is good, and total
abstinence in
that which is harmful.
It is good to breathe deeply in the
open air.
It is equally important to get
adequate rest. The batteries must
be recharged.
Most sicknesses originate in a
disturbed mind. The relationship
between a troubled mind and a
diseased body is real. When we trust
God we experience peace of mind.

“CREATION” Model
Florida Hospital/Celebration Health Approach

Powerful Techniques/Principles
that can Make an EI Difference
HALT Attack Signals
•Hungry: Be aware of
health & physical
condition
•Angry: Be careful of
mad/bad motives
•Lonely: Be in tune to
vulnerability sting
•Tired: Be wary of
fatigue & low energy
BARE Emotional Necessities
Balance: Accept head & heart
tension—decision
Awareness: Recognize &
accept your own emotions
Responsibility: Own
motivating fears & desires
Empathy: Identify with others
feelings, dilemmas, be aware &
be sensitive
PFAT Self and Group Scan
•Physical: Heart, mouth,
palms, teeth
•Feelings: Anxious,
tense, defensive, scared,
worried
•Appearance: Yell,
glaring, lunging, bawl,
avoiding, sheepish
•Thinking: Protest,
defending, discredit,
redeeming, denying

STEP 3: Implement Plan to
Change, take Immediate
Action with Accountability
Improving and sustaining Emotional
Intelligence takes a concerted effort; it’s like
losing weight —you will see results but you
can never let up!
Workshops/
Seminars
Minimal
results
Post-Session
Training
Some
behavioral
results
Individual
Development
Sustained
individual
performance
improvement
Integrated
Initiatives
with
Coaching
Measurement
Critical mass
for sustained
group
performance
improvement
Organizationa
Interventions
Sustained
organizational
improvement

STEP 3: Implement Plan to
Change, take Immediate
Action with Accountability
Make a change before it’s too LATE.
L - Learn the EI Concepts
A - Assess Yourself Honestly
T - Target Strategic Areas for Improvement; Trust
a friend to support, hold accountable
E - Embrace the Development Tip; Resources:
Bible, SP, Other counseling; Then stick with the
process—don’t give up!
Remember, it is effortful; let it be an
adventure!

SUMMARY
Pastor Alpha’s
EI Growth Plan
Implement Plan to Change, take Immediate
Action with Accountability
Decide what You Want to Do/Be
and Make a Decision to Change
Evaluate/Pay Attention to Your
Ministry-Good & Bad

Pastor Alpha’s
Solution!
Pastor Alpha has acted on the three steps for positive change and
has started to see progress:
• He realized his unawareness of his own emotions.
• He decided to make and change and prayed about it.
• He now focuses more on the moment and on people.
• He asks for feedback on his emotions and actions.
• He has increased his emotional self-awareness and self-control
through deliberate self-assessment.
• He has increased the level of teamwork and collaboration.
By the grace of God though the power of the Holy Spirit,
coupled with personal effort, Pastor Alpha has change and
his ministry is transformed!

Helpful Resources

Resources on LEADERSHIP

Resources on Self Improvement

Resources on Servant LEADERSHIP
Leadership Classic:
Christian Leadership
Ellen White
Leadership Classic:
Servant Leadership
Robert Greenleaf

Dr. Delbert W. Baker
Office of the President
Oakwood College
7000 Adventist Blvd., N.W.
Huntsville, Alabama 35896
(256) 726-7334
www.oakwood.edu