Winter 2008 - The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl

Volume LXXXII Winter 2008 Issue Two
Editors-in-Chief:
Alexander G. King WASP, ‘08
Rahul M. Sharodi Indian, ‘07
Executive Editor:
Johnny McNulty Irish, ‘07.5
Managing Editors:
Kevin Kimura Asian, ‘08
Jon Weinblatt Jewish, ‘08
Jotham Klein Jewish, ‘10
Alex Jacobson White, ‘10
Associate Editors:
Rish Chaudhuri Indian, ‘09
Walker Hawkins Jewish, ‘10
Matt Bloch White, ‘11
Shai Nir White, ‘11
Kelly Dolor Black, ‘11
Will Hayes White, ‘11
Don’t blame us, we’re
OurEthnically Diverse Editorial Staff
SAC is the man! I mean, not like "you da
man," but like, The Man that's keeping us
down. SAC, or 'Babylon,' is the committee
responsible for handing out money. We were
offended that only White Protestant Men are
allowed on the board, but it let us get an
Editor-in-Chief elected so we let it pass. But
still, naming it the Supreme Aryan Council
seems a little much. Crackers.
Queen of all Layout:
Jana Hirsch Jewish, ‘10
Spoons:
Shelby Prindaville White, ‘08
John Bninski Polish, ‘09
Shane Tepper White ‘09
Sri Kothur Indian, ‘09
Anya Mezina White, ‘09
Steve Lovejoy White, ‘10
Tatiana Aparicio Latina, ‘10
Chris Kemendo White, ‘10
Agnes Nam Asian, ‘11
Alex Marcus White, ‘11
Emerson Brooking White, ‘11
Maureen Devenny White, ‘11
Greg Marvin White, ‘11
Ben Grinberg White, ‘11
Karla Forjoe Black, ‘11
Kelsey Colgan Canadian, ‘11
Brian Brauntuch White, ‘11
Logan Steinhardt White, ‘11
Lauren Kapsalakis Greek, ‘11
Matt Newberg White, ‘11
Mo Shahin Egyptian, ‘11
Nia Crosley Black, ‘11
Drew Rizzo White, ‘11
Greg Rollman White, ‘11
Sammy Kim Asian, ‘11
Talia Lev White, ‘11
Steve Tsai Asian, ‘11
Zach Saltman White, ‘11
Yiyi Zhou Asian, ‘11
Sean Mahoney White, ‘11
Tanya Bogin White, ‘11
Punch would like to thank $AC, Smoke’s, Greek
Lady, our generous alums, the 400 and Joe Luchtan
and Penn Dhamaka for lending us ethnic-y costumes.
Heretofore notwithstanding: Alright, we kinda
push the envelope a little hard in this issue. But don't
worry, only a few members of Punch Bowl's staff are
actually racist; the rest are just Republican. Everyone
can have a laugh at their own expense, but if you
can't, congratulations: you're a racist. And if you still
find yourself offended, just imagine us standing over
your shoulder going "Oh yeah, we went there!" after
every joke.
©Punchbowl 2008. Seriously, it’s copywrited. We’re
looking at you, The Onion.

Letter From
The President
Sup Dawgs!
When Punch Bowl asked me to write the opening letter for their diversity
issue, I was delighted. A lot of people (like seriously a lot) tell me I'm
not a racist. "Amy," they tell me, "you're not a racist." People tell me that
because I understand not everyone is white, and also because I pay them.
No one is more understanding than me, because I've made myself committed
to learning about these non-white people. Sometimes, I make
friends with people because they aren't white. If that's not not racist, I don't
what is.
I wasn't always so great though. When I was Provost of Princeton, I
never once had to deal with minorities. The faculty was white, the students
were white, hell, even the minorities were white (did you know they started
letting in Catholics lolz). But I've learned a lot since then, like that it
isn't polite to stare at a minority. Or point. Or giggle while whispering to
your assistant. Oh the things you learn. Being at Penn has taught me so much about those unfortunate
people who aren't white. Like, that Jewish Guilt has nothing to do with having killed Christ(!), or
that Farrakhan isn't the name of a Pokémon. But like Pokémon, minorities are meant to be collected,
sold, and evolved during battle using energy cards (just ask my gardener Juan, aka Blastoise).
But while it's fun to have your help battle for your twelve-year-old's amusement, racism is bad (or
so my speechwriters tell me). In general, we shouldn't generalize, because not all stereotypes are true.
I mean, even though people say Jewish people can't dance, that's not true, because the ones I've
hooked up with DEF had some moves (call me, Rabbi Steinbergstein!). And even though Asians are
short and speak funny languages, they still know kung fu.
I even learned racism isn't always about race (lol, I know, I know). But seriously, there are other
kinds. Like take gay people for instance. They face discrimination like all the time. I love gay people
though, I totally understand them. Well, lesbians at least, cause if I was a chick, I'd be into me too.
But gay guys… I dunno. If I was a guy I'd still be into me, but like, me as a girl. Not me as a guy. You
know what I mean.
So in conclusion, diversity is awesome. It allows people like you and me to understand other cultures,
and helps us forget about our horribly, horribly racist ancestors. And don't even get me started
on all the different types of porn! But now my assistants are telling me that I can't conclude on a sentence
about porn (wtf), so I'll leave you with this: We already have your money, so at least pretend you’re
not racist. Byeee!
Seriously not a racist,
Amy Gutmann
If You Like Our Magazine, Check Out Our Website:
www.ThePunchBowl.net
It’s updated daily with content from our writers, and it has past issues of the magazine too
PUNCHBOWL 3 Volume LXXXII, Winter ‘08

PUNCHBOWL 4 Volume LXXXII, Winter, ‘08

GREAT MOMENTS IN DIVERSITY HISTORY
10,000 BC: First White Man
Archaeologists recently were surprised to find what is thought to
be the earliest specimen of Homo Albus. The remains were found
in a tigerskin polo shirt and with a rudimentary golf club.
Through cave paintings nearby, the archaeologists deciphered
his probable life story. The man, "Og Frederick Thurston III"
discovered he was different from his peers when dancing around
the fire, he found himself ridiculed by his brethren. Unable to
compete in hunting and gathering, he instead founded a country
club and excluded everyone else.
1880: Opening of the First Indian Casino
After watching Dances With Wolves, Native Americans realize
that hunting buffalo is not a viable long-term fiscal strategy.
Taking advantage of economic irrationality of the white man
and the synergy between their natural affinity for alcohol and the
gaming industry, American Indians opened their first casino in
1880. They took a piece of god-forsaken wasteland and turned
it into a god-less roulette-filled wasteland. They realized they
could finally give whitey a taste of his own medicine by taking
his money instead of his STDs. However, whites still took their
women, self-respect, baseball team, and their lives in the United
States…but you have to start somewhere.
1. Which race is your ideal partner
a) White-Asian mix
b) White-White mix
c) Asian-aZn mix
d) White Shiksa
2. Favorite Movie Quote
a) "Toga Toga Toga"-Animal House
b) "They are the enemy"-Malcom X
c) "It's 40%. Well, 40 over 120 equals X
over 100 and then you cross-multiply and
get the value of X"-Mean Girls
d) "You're what Grammy Hall would call
a real Jew"-Annie Hall
3. Favorite Scapegoat
a) Blacks, Democrats, Poor Whites.
b) Slavery, Poverty, George W. Bush.
c) Humble Endowment.
d) There are other scapegoats
4. Which instrument do you play
a) Guitar …Hero.
b) Disses, Rhymes and Bitches.
c) Anything… that is piano or violin.
d) Shofar.
5. What website do you visit most often
a) Asian Porn
b) Porn
c) Asian Porn
1919: First Token/Minority sidekick
Obviously, since they can't sustain a film alone. minorities finally
realized that the only way to break into Hollywood was to be
the bumbling idiot at the beck and call of the white hero. The
first minority was Charlie Chaplin's mulatto brother, D'Charlie
in his iconic role, Negro Stable Hand #2. He first appeared in
the 1919 silent classic, The Furious Irishman, and delivered the
immortal title card which set the tone for minority sidekucks in
the 20th Century: "Oh no, mister! That's not a gelding, that's a
lady! Damn!"
1960: A Penn student discovered the distinction between an
Indian from India and an Indian from indigenous America after
ordering maize and buffalo at New Delhi.
1972: The Founding of Du Bois House
In a spectacular reversal of Brown vs. Board of Education, several
black students at Penn petition the courts for their own residence
because "white people are crazy as hell." Sick of hearing
Dave Matthews Band and watching awkward renditions of the
"Souljah Boy dance," they realized they needed their own space
on campus, separate but equal from Gregory House.
Last Week: Gaysian-American male succeeds with first "converted"
blacked-out Sigma Nu brother.
FIND YOUR TRUE RACE QUIZ
d) TheEconomist.com
e) ThePunchbowl.net
6. If you could break one rule, what
would it be
a) Killing the wife.
b) Talking in movie theatres.
c) Dividing by zero.
d) Bejewling my yarmulke.
7. What is your ideal job
a) Professional golfer.
b) Professional golf caddie. (sorry Tiger).
c) Male protagonist in movie.
d) Alan Greenspan.
8. How would you name your kids
a) As long as they can get into the country
club
b) only after rearranging letters and altering
the number of syllables
c) dropping forks down the stairs
d) after Alan Greenspan
9. What was your childhood dream
a) To be president
b) To be judged by the contents of my
ipod
c) Consult fortune cookie
d) To open not-Chanukah presents on
Christmas morning
The Results!
Mostly As = White: You oppress everyone
else despite loving their music and
paying $150 to copy their skin color. But
on the plus side, you own everything, so
feel free to walk through your people's
cities. But not at night, because that's when
they come out.
Mostly Bs = Black: You've got more soul
than anyone, but it was acquired through
400 years of oppression. Bummer. But
hey, once you rise up and take down The
Man, you could be the world's first
Chabillionaire.
Mostly Cs = Asian: There are more of
you than anybody in the world, but here in
America you're just known as that chick
with the sideways vagina.
Mostly Ds = Jew: You're just like regular
white people, except they hate you for
killing the Son of God. You control the
media, the financial markets, and pretty
much anything that somebody hates.You
find comfort in your people's homeland of
New Jersey.

HOW TO THROW A MULTICULTURAL PARTY
Throwing a party can be exciting. But when deciding upon how to organize it, one must be careful to make everyone feel welcome, even the Irish.
Here are some ways to run a party without receiving a call from the ACLU the next day:
Have Diverse Food for Diversity Guests
Any veteran party scholar knows that the most diverse food is of
the "dippable" variety: for Mexicans, chips and salsa. For Middle
Easterners, pita and hummus. For the French or people from the
1970s, you can offer fondue. But to make everyone comfortable
and create a metaphor for intercultural harmony, you can mix all the
dips together! As for deserts, a classic race gap bridging morsel is
the half-and-half chocolate/vanilla cookie. To accommodate more
diversity, however, tenth-and-tenth-and-tenth-and-tenth-and-tenthand-tenth-and-tenth-and-tenth-and-tenth-and-tenth
cookies may
be more appropriate.
Use Decorations that Will Appeal to Everyone
National flags are passé and you'll inevitably leave someone out.
Consider instead multi-purpose decorations. For instance: Asian
people feel most at home when you have paper lanterns around;
but slip some candy inside, and they can double as piñatas! A few
carefully-arranged flowers at the base can turn a hookah into a
delightful centerpiece for practically any occasion. Afro-Caribbean
witch doctors appreciate seeing the shrunken heads of their enemies,
and Klansmen like seeing dead darkies.
Pay Attention to Seating Arrangements
A good host makes a seating arrangement that will maximize fun
social interactions while minimizing awkwardness. The Japanese,
for instance, probably shouldn't be put next to the Koreans after
WWII; the same goes for the Germans and anyone. Perhaps you
might want to put the Samoans between them because they are
wide. Also, you should separate the Bloods and Crips because while
the Bloods donate their philanthropic funds to the Metropolitan
Opera, the Crips prefer to direct their patronage of the arts towards
to the Civic Opera, which leads to some uncomfortable silences. By
all means seat the Jews next to all your Arab guests; they're quite
used to it.
Be Sure to Include Party Favors
The inclusion of party favors is a particularly delicate issue, as a
group will feel lasting resentment if they do not receive a favorable
gift, and the last thing needed is another ethnic cleansing against a
more favored gift group. Assault rifles are always a good choice for
African children, and lend an implicit (but non-binding) statement
of support to any militant group. White people will be pleasantly
surprised to find a jovial black friend included, and a malaria vaccine
should delight any South American party-goers. And finally,
finger traps should satisfy -or at least incapacitate- the Chinese.
Some Fun Party Activity Ideas
It's also important to have some fun culturally-appropriate
games planned. Like Jello-wrestling for Lesbians, stand-up
karaoke for Jews, or competitive pebble-considering for
Buddhists. If you can think of a good game, remember that
midgets love big people tossing and Sub-Saharan Africans love
to eat. For Vikings, try raping and/or pillaging (depending on
funds available).
PREGAME DIVERSELY!
Now more than ever, college students are looking for different ways to get drunk before getting drunk. Luckily for those of us at Penn, our
diverse student body brings with it an equally diverse array of drinking techniques. Here are a few.
Man, fuck the Monroe Doctrine with the "Gringo and
Tonic". Enjoy smoking your Havana Honey with this concoction
made up of nationalized liquor and the people's club soda.
Note: does not go well with crackers.
Nothing says I'm the shit like the "Popped Cosmopolitan"
Like most of the stuff you wear this would this would be considered
gay if you didn't constantly say you fuck mad bitches.
Sure, you're slightly overweight, but a few sips of this Crunk
Juice and you won't realize you're a terrible dancer dressed like
you're a walking tribute to the 80s.
Join the Asian invasion in Kings Court and take a
"Yellowdriver" straight to the head. It's ½ shot of tap water
and O'douls mixed with lemonade in a Hello Kitty cup.
PLO More like BYO with the "Palestinian Party Bottle".
Just, mix up 2 parts gin, 1 part Kahlua, and 3 parts agnst in a tall
glass bottle. Top it of with an colorful gasoline soaked rag that
really gets the party started. Then light it on fire and throw it at
your date, an Israeli widow.
6
PUNCHBOWL
Drop a few beads at the bar and feed your addiction to whiteman's
fury with "Firewater". Tell Running-Wolf-Behind-Bar
to mix 1 shot of corn ethanol, 2 shots of buffalo urine, and he'll
know to slip in 3 teaspoons of nicotine.
Start your day off like a Latin Legend with a "Tequila
Sunrise" … at Home Depot.
Party likes it's 1939 with "The Third Reich and Coke".
This drink is the final solution to your sobriety. Selected from
only the purest Aryan Master-Ryes this is the perfect drink for
beer hall rallies or mixers with gypsy Sorority girls. Plus it always
ends way better than dropping Jäger bombs with the Brits
.
Hillel is a great place to start the night with a "Chutzpah".
Our Jewish classmates love to kick it off with 2 shots of
Manischevitz in the blood of a Gentile child.
Praise Allah with "Allahu Akbar". Throw in 1 shot of not-
Franzia and 2 shots of not-tequila, served with 3 strips of notbacon,
and take it all down not facing away from Mecca.

DIVERSITY SCORING GUIDE
In the landmark Supreme Court case of Grutter v. Bollinger, the University of Michigan's quota system of awarding extra points to applicants
based on diversity was unconstitutional. Why Because of some whack racist bullshit, of course. But since the federal government
lacks jurisdiction in Penn's ivory tower, our school has adopted that system. Here are the juicy highlights from Penn's new Diversity
Scoring Guide.
Black +5
Really Black +10
Like Really, Really Black +2
No, seriously, like Wesley Snipes black +600
L +15
G 0
B -10 (50% of penn's campus is B at
2AM)
T + 20
A T Who Is At Times B, G, and L -
Priceless
Earth +2
Wind -10
Fire +7
Water +20
Heart -30
All of them +Captain Planet
WASP from Maryland with above-average
SAT scores = Meh…
Scottish + 5
Really Scottish +uh, ok, I guess
Like, really, really Scottish +Freedom!
I didn't even know how you go about
being this Scottish +Let's get pissed!!!
Hispanic +20
Hispanic From Mexico -20
Hispanic Who Can Cook and Clean +50
Dominican Baseball Phenom +100
Hispanic Jew -5
Mormon +10
Mormon with 3 Moms +0
Mormon not from Utah +30
Fundamentalist Mormon -20
Huntsman Mormon +3000
Guido +'ey!
Child Prodigy +50
Harry Potter +60 to Gryffindor
Zoom-Zoom Mazda Kid -40 (whispered)
Dakota Fanning +Aww
Haley Joel Osment +3 Dead People
Flamboyant gays = -15
Hilariously flamboyant gays = +30
Hilariously flamboyant gays from New Jersey
= 0
Women = -3
Women Engineer = +7
Barely Legal = +100
Women engineers, if they can cook = + 10
Barely Legal engineers, if they can cook
= Accepted
Jew = -5
Jew interested in Finance = -10
Jew interested in Finance from New York =
-30
Jew interested in Finance from New York
with a huge, throbbing circumcised
endowment = +500
Actually, that's really gay = -1000
Volume LXXXII, Winter ‘08 7

In a Panties Drawer
In Math 104
At a Frat Party
On the Basketball Court
At Crown Fried Chicken

Where Asians
Belong
DON’T
Asians have been hard-working, dedicated people since their arrival in the US. From their humble beginnings building the railroads to their
lucrative future building space railroads, Asians have always been there for America. But some people (read: not us) don't take kindly to
Asian-Americans. They are racists, harboring regressive and repugnant views that endanger the values upon which this nation was founded.
And these people (read: still not us) think that great individuals such as Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, and Jet Li should stay away from various
places around America and at Penn. Racists blow. That being said, here are a few of those places:
Behind the Wheel of a Car
Under the Button
Participating in Drinking Games
In DuBois
PUNCHBOWL 9 Volume LXXXII, Winter ‘08

PUNCHBOWL 10 Volume LXXXII, Winter ‘08
RACEBOOK GIFTS

THE PROS/CONS OF COMING OUT
When deciding whether or not to come out of the closet, a prospective homosexual must weigh many issues in their decision, such as financial
concerns, family considerations, and fabulousness rationing. What follows is a condensed list of those points, both positive and negative. There
are only two jokes about lesbians because we are afraid of them.
The Pros
The Cons
1. You’re gay!
2. Can move your Will & Grace DVD collection from back
of closet to on top of DVD player
3. You can finally sell your Ford Truck to buy a Mini-
Cooper.
4. The thick bay area fog makes beautiful rainbows
5. You own 63 pairs of shoes!
6. Catered to by unsolicited prostitutes
7. Refined fashion sense attracts notice
8. Can stop telling people you love Georgia O’Keefe for her
artistic merit
9. Hot lesbians are hot
10. What people have long known - that you are an annoying
asshole - will suddenly be confused with being well-read,
dapper, and particular.
11. Perfect excuse to escape your small-town past and move
to the big city.
12. Disposable income, y'all!
13. Can stop pretending to go to LGBT center just for free
printing
1. You’re gay.
2. Must burn your Eminem collection
3. Driving a pink Mini convertible is so fucking gay.
4. Obligated to incorporate gay pride rainbow into everything
possible
5. There was no room left in the closet for you, and now
everyone knows your gay.
6. Unsolicited bigotry
7. AIDS puts bags under your eyes.
8. Start to get tired of the giant vaginas on your wall
9. Most lesbians are not
10. Other gays will be able to figure out you're still a
douchebag
11. Once your career as a fashion designer goes south,
daddy and your small-town friends won’t be there.
12. Santorum
13. Bitches - you can live without 'em, but they want to live
with you.

DIVERSIFIYING YOUR FRIEND PORTFOLIO
With OCR just around the corner, much of campus will be abuzz about hedge funds and corporate ass-kissing, so few will have time for friends. But like
stocks, friends have to be chosen carefully, retained for long periods of time, and split into small pieces if they grow too much. Additionally, like your stock
portfolio, you should have a diverse collection of ethnic friends. Here are some exclusive insider tips (but don't tell the SEC) on how to create a diversified
portfolio of friends (seriously, don't tell the SEC):
Arabs: If there's one sure way to win the hearts and minds of
Arabs, it's liberation. Try to liberate Arabs wherever you see
them. Arabs are very proud people, so they will try to politely
deny that they require liberation, but just smile, cock your gun,
and liberate. They'll thank you later. Leave a permanent presence
in their home to make sure they stay liberated. In fact, you may
want to sublet part of their apartment to your Jewish friend just
to make sure they're ok.
Japanese: Sail a gunboat to the front door of the family
home, deliver a letter requesting that Tomo be allowed to come
out and play with you in designated areas of the front yard.
Announce that you will return in a year with a force twice as
large to receive the reply. In case they get uppity, drop a bomb
with the power of a thousand suns in their living room, and
receive their undying subservience and efficient technology in
return.
Minnesota Gays: Tap tap, left right, forward back, right,
drop paper, flush, zip. Wait for tapped reply. Extend tentative,
yet firm hand into neighboring stall. Shake.
Women: In the event of catastrophic disaster, survivors must
sometimes eat their dead. In that same vein, sometimes you must
befriend women. Whether you yourself are a woman is irrelevant;
the process remains equally distasteful. The key to garnering
a woman's friendship is to never stop talking. Women lead
notoriously boring lives, and letting them talk could lead to a
conversation about menstrual cycles, Stairmasters, Atkinsfriendly
pastas, and commitment. This can be hard remember
when you're not trying to sleep with them.
Native Americans: Native Americans seem to hang around
no matter what you do, claiming that this is "their land," and
"they must protect their culture." Try complimenting your new
friend on his role as an extra in "Dances With Wolves" or
"Pocohantas." If these methods don't work, they'll tolerate you
as long as you spend long hours at the blackjack table.
Cavemen: Build a time machine. Set it for 20,000 BC. 20,000
BCE if you're Jewish. Then take a plane to France. Oh wait ...
maybe you should take a plane to France first, and then use the
time machine. Now call up directory assistance and ask for the
nearest caveman cave. Crap, this is really hard. OK, now turn on
your TV and wait for a Geico commercial. Goddammit! Forget
it, you don't need any caveman friends.
Fat People: No. No no no no no. No. Ew. No.
Canadians: First, lower their Health Points with Meowth's
SCRATCH attack. They may use HARDEN to increase their
defense, but you can disrupt the move with a HYDRO PUMP
to the face. While they're stunned and weak, use your POKE-
BALL. If they're still too powerful to tame, use TAIL WHIP or
WHIRLWIND to disrupt their accuracy. This time to be sure,
use your MASTER BALL. That should wor…oh what the hell!
RUN! RUN! RUN! Ah…you died.
South Americans: The best way to befriend our neighbors
to the south is to be a good neighbor at home. So be sure to be
generous if they need to borrow a cup of sugar or a kilo of baking
powder, store some goods in your apartment, or ask you to
hold on to a baggie in your stomach during a ten hour
Greyhound journey.

USEUL PHRASES IN OTHER LANGUAGES
13 Volume LXXXII, Winter ‘08

HOW TO SPOT AN INFIDEL
In today's fast-paced world, it can be hard to distinguish one of Allah's servants from His enemies. Punch Bowl understands that identifying
and punishing an infidel is a task few have the time for, so we have prepared a handy checklist for the mujahadeen-on-the-go:
Is his turban on backwards
Has she voiced an opinion
Does he have freckles
Is she festive in December
Does he fondly remember his childhood
Does he hold public office
Is he unable to point to Mecca on the fly
Has he been in possession of his bags the entire time
When you tell him he might get stoned, is he happy
Does he have horns and breathes fire/concentrating in
Finance
Does he tolerate you
Is he not attacking infidels at that moment
Can you see her
Is his mustache not full-bodied and bushy
Has she heard of sexual pleasure
Is he a muslim, but you still don't like him anyway
Is she eating pork
Does he only believe in 4 pillars of faith
Can you see her ankles
Did he invite you to speak at Columbia
Is she not on the jihad listserve
Does she believe in the Holocaust
Are there homosexuals in his country
Has she been on the Hajj fewer than three times
Does he complain about waking up at 4 AM for
prayer
If you offer him a Cinnabon at noon during Ramadan,
will he eat it
Is he wearing a Crusader outfit
Everyone knows that a person who is an "Oreo" is "Black
on the outside, but White on the inside." Similarly,
"Twinkies" are "Yellow on the outside, White on the
inside." Here are some lesser-known, but equally delicious/offensive,
racially-oriented foods:
Mexican Jumping Bean: Mexican on outside; black on inside
(because it jumps).
Fig Newton: Tan on outside, brown on inside, makes mess in
bed.
Pepto-Bismol: Pink on outside, pink on the inside.
Caramel Apple: Brown on outside, white on inside, green
intermediately.
Kiwi: Hairy on outside, Martian on inside.
Aloo Gobi: Brahmin on outside, Untouchable on inside.
Pemmican: Sioux on outside, Ute on inside.
Gelt: Gold and Jewy on outside, black and chewy inside.
Marijuana Cigarette: Dutchie on outside, Jamaican on inside.
General Tso’s chicken: Manchu on outside, Han on the inside
Bleach: White and turns other people around them whiter.
Powdered Jelly Doughnut: Lots of makeup, squishy, communist.
Everlasting Gobstopper: Asian person acting like an Indian
person acting like a black person acting like…
Tootsie Roll Pop: We all know how much we hate it when
blue people act like they’re black.
Human: Various on outside, red on inside.
Chocolate-Covered Coffee Bean: Brown on the outside,
Javanese on inside.
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PUNCHBOWL