Untitled

The Brazen Spindle 

by T. R. Pippin 

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Copyright 2011 T. R. Pippin 

Smashwords Edition 

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Want to hear about upcoming books, news and other natterings 

Please feel free to drop by the author's blog at 

http://www.brazenspindle.com 

*** 

Coming in Spring 2012: 

A Fairytale Divorce 

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Cover Illustration "If--Listen" by T.R. Pippin 

***

Acknowledgements 

Immeasurable thanks goes to my friend and fellow writer, D. Lyons, without whose 

help, this book would have been naught but a copy editor's nightmare, and without whose 

insights would have exhibited a rather peculiar brand of fairy tale logic. 

Thanks as well to my critique group, the Pennydreadfuls, whose support and 

friendship has been invaluable with both the craft and with life. 

And as in all things, to my beloved, who was the one who first came up with the 

silly premise for this story, and added her own brand of brutal sentimentality to many of 

the scenes. Brutal sentimentality sounds oxymoronic, but that was her. Cancer took her 

from us, but she's still alive in these pages. "C'mon," she said, "it's Mansfield Park with 

cows. You've got to write that." And so I did. Thank you, love, for making me both 

laugh and cry. 

T. R. Pippin

The things the Fates weave 

With rushing thread on brazen spindle! 

-The Alexandra

CHAPTER ONE 

On Monday, the 23 rd of March, in the year of our Lord 1812, I dressed myself with 

the greatest of care, sharpened my razor and shaved for the last time. I wanted to look 

my best. I had that much dignity left. 

Examining myself in a looking glass bought in happier times, I could see there 

wasn’t much left of Ned Hasting, heir to generations of silk weavers. My ancestors’ work 

had once been sought after by noblemen, both here and abroad. Or so the family stories 

went. None of that did the scarecrow looking back at me in the glass much good. Even 

dukes happily wore machine work these days. I was the last of my line. At thirty, I was 

still unmarried, my few romances ending for lack of prospects. I couldn't support a wife, 

let alone an entire family. 

I could have done what others had done and gone to work twelve hour days in the 

mills, but truthfully, I preferred starvation. My pride might have been torn and ragged, 

but it was all I had left. 

Poaching had kept me for a while, but it had been weeks since my stewpot had seen 

meat. It had been a hard winter, and besides, I'd never been much of a shot. Done with 

shaving, I cleaned father's old snaphaunce pistol and slowly loaded it. My planned target 

would be hard to miss, even for me. The range would be no longer than the length of the 

barrel. 

As laughable as it sounds, it was my compulsive tidiness that saved me. I just 

couldn’t bear the notion of despoiling the household and its immaculate loom with my 

cooling corpse. So I walked outside. 

The cold air was like a firm slap in the face. As I held the pistol to my temple, my 

breath fogging about me, I stared at the waxing moon and realized that I enjoyed 

breathing. Damn me if I was going to let the mills win. I'd fight back. 

I slowly lowered the pistol. If the well-to-do about here spat on their obligations to 

the tradesmen, well then, I would return the favor. The devil take them all. I was certain 

there was some coin in their purses that would be better spent relieving my hunger than 

on yet another frippery for their coddled lives. Mayhap, I could even buy enough coal 

that I would no longer need to wear an overcoat indoors as I spent my winter nights halfawake 

from shivers. 

I walked back inside and gazed into the mirror again, trying to visualize myself 

stepping out from behind a tree to ruin a local lordling’s evening. I brandished the gun at 

my image. To be fair honest, I didn’t look particularly convincing. Perhaps darkness 

would help. I went to the attic and pulled out an old tricorn hat and granddad’s soldier’s 

sword. They had both seen better days, but then again, so had I. A bit more costume 

searching found a moth-eaten great cloak and a scarf to tie around my face. 

Jumping down the stairs, I ignored the looking glass and imagined myself 

confronting an aristo’s coach and four. “Stand and deliver!” I bellowed, then cocked the 

hat down over one eye in what I imagined was a rakishly dangerous manner. Ned the 

highwayman was going forth to make his way in the world, whether the world liked it or

not. 

Fine, I wasn't thinking particularly clearly. I was half starved, filled with too many 

broadside ballads and not enough sense. But madness was preferable to giving up and 

dying. If clutching to some romantic fantasy kept me moving, perhaps it wasn’t such a 

bad thing. 

It was after an hour or so of wandering that my reason started to return, and I 

realized that I wasn’t anywhere near the main road. Perhaps I didn’t really want to hold 

up a passing horseman to get his steed, and my conscience had led me away from the 

literal road to a criminal’s life. Frankly, I wasn’t sure I would be able to ride another 

man’s horse. Nor was I sure what I would do with the man once I relieved him of his 

belongings. I just wished my conscience had consulted me before getting me lost. 

I picked a direction and started trudging along the frozen earth under the moonlight. 

After a while, I noticed that I was growing warm. Unbuttoning my cloak, I looked 

around and saw absolutely nothing that I could recognize. The forest had grown denser. 

In the moonlight, it almost looked as if the branches above still had their leaves. Perhaps 

the forest canopy had grown so thick that it created its own warmth, I thought. 

I sat down to rest for a spell. It really was pleasant here, with the sweet smell of the 

forest curling thickly about me and the moonlight streaming down into puddles of silver 

light. I found myself beginning to nod off. At the edge of sleep, I heard the laughter of 

children. 

I hurriedly stood up. It might seem warm, but spring hadn’t really come yet. Sleep 

was a receipt for death in this cold. And I no longer felt like dying. With my half-awake 

mind confused and a touch frightened, I started running, pushing my way through the 

brambles, feeling the branches pulling at my face and hair. 

I burst out of the brush onto a small dirt road. Here, the way was wider and less 

cloaked with moss. I stopped, catching my breath and calming myself. I could hear 

strains of music in the distance, coupled with the occasional shout or laugh. It carried 

through the silent woods, and I chased it like a hound on a scent. I followed the road for 

a while, before I remembered myself and retired back to the shadows nearby. It made for 

more difficult going, but the moonlight helped keep my bearings. 

I suppose in hindsight, my reason had prevented me from seeing the obvious. Only 

a madman would have accepted the truth readily. It was only when I stepped out of the 

forest into a wide garden that I realized that the world was a stranger place than I had 

ever dreamed. I knew that it was the middle of March, but the air was now definitely 

warm. Even in the moonlight, I could see the ground was blanketed with wildflowers. 

But most of all, I'd lived in the area for all my life and had never seen that towering white 

castle on the nearby hill. Faintly, in the back of my mind, I could have sworn I heard that 

laughter again. 

I staggered through well tended copses and hedges for a while, listening to the 

strange, reedy music as it grew louder and louder. As I approached, I spotted a bonfire 

with people dancing around it in a circle dance. It brought back memories of county fairs 

past and Susan, my one truly likely marriage prospect. Our courting had gone well 

enough, but I'd refused to see my sweet milk-skinned maid waste away from starvation, 

as she would have had she been fool enough to join me in my poverty. 

I stood at the edge of the light, the world around me forgotten for the moment as I 

swam in my memories. I was nearly surprised by a couple who came stumbling by me,

chattering away as they shared a skin of wine between them. I hastily ducked behind a 

tree. 

They hardly noticed, what with their attentions being elsewhere. The lady was 

leaning on the fellow, and his hand was dropping lower along her back to her buttocks. I 

swallowed, watching them swing into a kiss. They were well dressed in old fashioned 

clothing. The man was wearing breeches, stockings and a silk vest that glistened in the 

distant firelight. The lady had a low cut gown with corset and wide dress. Truly 

wonderful work on that fabric, I noted idly. It was as if they had raided their attic, just as 

I had mine. 

Staring at them, I saw a glint along the lady’s neck. I waited there for a long 

moment, wondering if I truly had it in me. It seemed an awful thing, really, to disturb a 

happy couple. Watching their hands wander along each other’s bodies, I wondered if I 

should just afford them their privacy. 

But I was foolish. And I was hungry. Maybe I didn’t want to succeed. Maybe I was 

still thinking of doing myself in. A sensible highwayman would have waited until 

garments had been shed. Gentlemen carried swords, after all, and one never knows what 

a man will do when there’s a lady around to impress. But that night, I wasn’t sensible. 

And to be honest, I was no highwayman. 

I took a breath and stepped forward, drawing the lock back on my snaphaunce. The 

two turned towards me. 

I flourished my cape. “Stand and deliver!” I cried, my voice cracking from dryness. 

I hoped that they didn’t notice my shaking hands. 

The man stared at me. “You’re a...highwayman” 

The woman started giggling. “Oh, lord,” she said between gasps. “He must be new, 

eh Couldn’t have picked a better target!” I now could see that she had several strands 

of pearls draped across her bosom. 

I moistened my mouth. “Please, let’s make this easy now,” I said, trying to hold my 

voice steady. “Your necklace, madam.” 

Something was wrong; they were just not frightened enough. I glanced quickly over 

my shoulder, but saw nothing but the woods. When I looked back, the woman was 

unclasping her necklace. 

The man coughed. “Um,” he said, “as you say, let’s just make this easy. How about 

you put the gun down, and we’ll take you down to the watch.” 

“He doesn’t know who you are, my sweet cider-addled love,” said the lady. She 

undid a pin in her hair, letting wild red tresses cascade over her shoulders. “You’ll want 

this, too, I imagine.” 

“That would be...nice,” I said, keeping my eyes on the man. He seemed unsteady. 

I prayed I wouldn’t have to shoot him. 

“There you go!” shouted the woman. I felt the jewelry hit my leg. 

Reflexively, I looked down. 

“Cow,” said the man. 

I lifted my head up, just as he swung his hand in a wide arc. Thick glowing mists 

followed the path of his hand, filling the area with pale light. I lost sight of the couple 

behind the fog for a moment, as it coalesced into a long strand that lunged at me like a 

snake, wrapping itself around my legs and curling upwards. 

My hand went numb, and I dropped the snaphaunce. There was a loud bang, and the

woman screamed. 

“Are you okay” I heard the man yell, his words sounding far away. 

For a moment, I thought he was talking to me. I tried to reply, but could only 

manage a low moan. I turned to run, but fell onto my hands and knees. Something warm 

was caressing my legs, which were starting to feel oddly swollen. 

“I'm fine," the woman said. "But I think I've got a powder burn on my dress." She 

sighed, making it sound like a growl. "Couldn't you have just made the gun vanish or 

some such Why did you have to be so blessed dramatic" 

The man hiccoughed. “Sorry. You’re right, you’re right. Oh, hey, I should finish 

him, shouldn’t I” 

I tried to dive for the bushes, but I felt uncoordinated and my jump didn’t take me 

but a foot. I landed on my hands first, and noticed they were stretching away from me. I 

couldn’t feel my fingers anymore, but it felt as if my hands were being pressed into fists. 

The warm feeling passed across my lower half, which started to feel like so much jelly. 

The warmth passed through my legs, which swung forwards and down, lifting me up as I 

felt myself inflating like a pigskin. The stretching feeling spread across my groin, with 

beyond odd sensations there, then across my belly. My waistcoat tore open, and my 

lower belly distended. As my breeches ripped apart, I felt the nub of something growing 

on my tailbone. 

I shouted in panic, but my cries sounded like deep moans. Then my mouth stretched 

wide and my face stretched forward. My tongue felt huge and as I gasped, it stuck out of 

my mouth and licked across what I could only describe as my muzzle. 

I swung my head back and looked at my body. I was covered in downy brown fur 

with four cloven hooves, a round pinkish-white udder, and a tail that was flailing about 

wildly. 

“Well, I'll credit you this," said the lady, "that's a fair pretty cow." 

“Professional pride,” said the man. 

The woman snorted. 

“No, really,” the man said. "I don't care what the queen wants. I just can’t bring 

myself to make anything ugly." He turned back to me. “Now, you. Are you coming to 

your senses I can understand you; just try talking normally.” 

Normally In spite of myself, I laughed, which was an odd stuttering lowing sound. 

“You’re a witch!” I said, which came out as a series of gentle moos. 

“Wizard,” he said. “So, here’s the deal. You picked the wrong fellow to mug, okay 

You’re lucky I didn’t turn you into something worse." He looked around, frowning. "I’d 

better pick all this mess up." He held his hand up, palm towards me. "Stay.” 

I was still trying to steady myself on my four legs, but nodded. My mind was 

screaming in bewilderment. It all felt far too real to be madness, though of course, it 

probably was. But I could work that out later. In the meantime, my body was 

overwhelming me with strange sensations. I felt huge, strong, but terribly awkward. 

I tried picking up my legs one by one and looking at them. I really had hooves, and 

the legs bent in odd places. Or perhaps they were the normal ones for cattle. I could feel 

my tail swatting around my rump and my long ears twitching. I tried to control them, but 

wasn’t completely sure how to yet. I clenched the muscles on my rump and the tail 

stopped briefly. I swatted it experimentally on my right side. 

“Come on,” said the wizard. I looked up and saw that he had picked up the remains

of my clothing. He was holding my sword, examining it with an expression of quizzical 

disgust. 

“You were going to attack us with this” he said, twirling the sword around expertly. 

“I can feel the tang rattling. Sheesh, it looks like you haven’t sharpened it in ages. You 

really aren’t cut out to be a highwayman, are you You’re probably better off as a cow.” 

The wizard handed the gun to his lady friend, who tucked it into her dress. Arm in 

arm, the two of them started walking towards the castle. 

I thought about it, then trotted after them. If the wizard could turn men into cows, 

no doubt he could turn them back. I had no idea how I could convince him of that, but if 

I ran off, I’d have no chance at all. I could move naturally enough, so long as I didn’t 

think about it. It made sense. After all, I hadn’t really thought about walking when I had 

two legs. I was more disconcerted by the sensation of my udder swaying around between 

my hind legs. It wasn’t unpleasant so much as it was so alien. It just felt huge and 

swollen. Then it occurred to me something was missing back there. Not that really it 

mattered, but I have to admit it bothered me. But there was nothing for it. Somehow I 

doubted the wizard would turn me into a bull, even if I asked politely. 

By now, I was ready to accept anything, so I wasn’t shocked by the sprawling 

caravan and tent city that surrounded the castle. The streets were well lit by torchlight, 

and crowds of people wandered around in fairy tale outfits. The men wore short breeches 

and tight stockings, with a wide variety of feathered hats. Many were openly carrying 

swords, some of which were large enough to require two hands. The women were 

wearing old fashioned stays with wide, puffy skirts. It reminded me of what my 

grandmother would wear to church on Sunday, although I didn't remember her showing 

quite so much bosom. The clothes were made from a wide variety of fabrics, from 

obvious homespun to occasional ribbons of finely woven jacquard silk. I could actually 

smell the differences from a few feet away, just as if I had put my nose up to a bale of 

cloth. 

Looking around as we wended our way through the crowds, I saw that this might be 

a tent city, but it was no gypsy camp. Many of the streets were paved and all were 

remarkably clean. The various stalls looked solid and well crafted. As we worked our 

way towards the castle, tents gave way to permanent wood and stone buildings, almost all 

with elaborate carvings on the walls. The walls of the castle proper looked as if it had 

been restored recently, and actually gleamed in the torchlight of the surrounding village. 

It was beautiful. 

People gave us a wide berth. I don’t think it was me, as I saw a number of other 

animals being led around, and their owners had to fight their way through the crowd. No 

wonder the woman had laughed at me. Everyone else knew what the wizard could do. 

They probably even suspected that I was enchanted. I'd have avoided us, too. 

“I think I’m going to go lie down,” the woman said as we reached the drawbridge to 

the castle. “Are you going to be long” 

The wizard sighed. “Hope not. Never a guardsman around when you want one. 

I’m going to try down by the Sotted Dog.” 

The woman kissed him. “Don’t be long. Worst comes to worst, you can just let her 

loose.” Inwardly, I winced at the pronoun. 

He glanced at me. “With the fog coming She’ll just revert.” 

“Fine. But if I’m asleep, let me sleep.” She stuck her tongue out and dashed across

the bridge. 

The wizard watched her go, then turned to me. “Well, come along.” 

I stood there, trying to decide. What did he mean by revert 

“Look,” he said, “if you don’t come, I’ll turn you into a...something else you won’t 

like. Or make this permanent.” 

I snapped my head up. I was still struggling to fight off going mad, but my mind 

seized on that and repeated it. There was hope after all. 

“It’s not permanent” I said, my words so much lowing. 

The wizard was looking at the castle. “Eh No, no, it’s just a standard spell I use on 

convicts. Don’t really have prison space around here, and it makes them useful for a bit. 

It lasts a year and a day.” 

“A year and a day!” 

He closed his eyes for a moment, looking visibly irritated. “Tell me, where you 

come from, what do they do with highwaymen” 

He had a point. And I wasn’t unaware of the fact that I had probably ruined his 

evening for him. I remained quiet as we made our way through the market. 

Oddly, my mind had cleared. I had wandered the streets in a daze, reeling from the 

notions of wizardry and fairy tale castles, not to mention the fact that I had four legs. But 

either one descends into madness, or one keeps moving. And so I decided to believe 

what I saw. 

We stopped outside a tap room that would not have been out of place in Manchester, 

down to expensive plate glass bay windows and bright white washed walls. 

“Stay here,” the wizard said. “For a place called the Sotted Dog, it’s surprisingly 

upscale. No cows allowed.” He paused. “Well, this time of the month, anyway.” 

Before I could ask him what he meant by that, he disappeared inside. I was left to 

my own devices, but I hadn’t any idea of what to do about it. If I ran for the hills, it 

sounded as if it would be a year before I’d turn back into a man, which would be more 

than ample time to find myself caught by some enterprising farmer. And if that 

happened, I’d have to hope that he didn’t have a taste for Sunday pot roast. 

I could see my reflection in the plate glass. The woman was right. I was a good 

looking cow, definitely county fair material. I had soft brown fur with some white 

patches around my muzzle, strong looking lines, and deep brown eyes. No horns, I 

noted. Hardly surprising, if this was what they did to criminals hereabouts. I looked 

fairly well fed, too, with a solid pad of fat around my midsection. 

That reminded me. I hadn’t really been paying much attention, what with being 

turned into a cow, but now that I had calmed down I realized I was just as starved as I 

was when I set out from my house to embark on my criminal career. My stomach, or 

stomachs, might be located in a different place, but the sensation of hunger was the same 

and no more bearable. 

People weren’t really paying me any mind at all. Perhaps wandering cows were 

more common here than they were back home. Or perhaps they knew an enchanted cow 

when they saw one, and knew better than to bother livestock owned by a wizard. I 

sniffed the air and smelled food. The meat pie stand next to the pub smelled foul, but 

there was a grocer nearby whose vegetables smelled better than any I had ever smelled 

before. 

Bereft of a purse, I decided to continue my life of crime. I stepped into the shadows

and tried to sneak as best as I could towards the grocer’s tent. It was dark enough, so 

long as I stayed away from the torchlight. No one seemed to notice as I snuck by the 

sleeping cart-horse in back and made my way to the delivery cart. The horse fodder 

actually smelled fairly delicious, but the distinctive scent of cabbages drew me on. 

I found a few crates of cabbages at the rear of the cart. I could feel my tail swishing 

rapidly as I knocked one to the ground. I examined it, missing my hands terribly as I 

nosed it a few times, trying to pry it open with my teeth. Then I remembered my new 

bulk and stepped on it. The crate popped open with a splintering noise. I opened wide 

and bit into the cabbage. 

My mouth was made for chewing, it seemed. My broad teeth smashed the cabbage 

into pure sweetness as my jaw moved from side to side. The first cabbage went down in 

just two bites. They had a touch of dirt on them, but that didn’t bother me at all. I found 

that I liked the soil flavor. It was yet another strange thing: the cabbage registered in my 

mind as tasting like cabbage, but it actually had a completely different flavor than it had 

when I was human. It was far more savory and satisfying to me now. And well worth 

having another, I decided. 

Four or five cabbages later, I licked the juice off my face and belched contentedly. I 

wasn’t happy about being a cow, but at least I was fed. I stole a drink from the horse’s 

water trough, then sniffed around some more. I could smell carrots in the tent. A bunch 

or two of those would serve well, I decided. It would be like a slice of pie after dinner. 

I edged up to the tent and carefully knelt down on the ground, trying to be careful 

with my swollen udder. It really was awkward, and took a bit of scooting around on the 

ground to get it comfortable. The main udder had a thick enough skin, but I almost gave 

myself away with a yelp when one of my teats got pinched by a rock. No one ever called 

a cow graceful, and I was proving to be no exception to the rule. 

Be as that may, I got settled and slowly shoved my nose under the edge of the tent. 

To my delight, I found a bushel of carrots laid out for sale. I grabbed the tops of a few 

bunches and pulled. 

The bushel basket fell over, knocking a nearby table down. There was a great 

clattering noise as case after case fell. A man in a wide smock jumped to the rear of the 

tent, shouting in dismay. 

Carrots in mouth, I leapt to my feet and started to run as best as I could. 

“Help! Guard!” yelled the man in the smock as he ran after me, swinging a broom 

like a cricket bat. 

I ran past the Sotted Dog where the wizard was standing, talking to an old woman. 

“There you are!” the wizard said. 

I didn’t stop, and headed down an alley festooned with gaily colored canopies. 

“Is that your cow” the smocked man yelled from behind me. 

“More or less, yes,” the wizard said. 

Glancing over my shoulder, I could see them trotting after me. Distracted, I ran into 

the side of a building. 

“Got you!” said a man’s voice. A rope looped over my head. “Hey there, good 

cow,” he said, stroking my neck. 

I looked at him. He was a strongly built fellow, wearing a shiny conical helmet and 

a well polished breastplate. He had a sword, but it was safely stowed away in his 

scabbard.

“Is this your cow, sir” the armored man said as the wizard approached. Around us, 

townspeople came out and stared. A few began to clean up the various things I had 

knocked over. 

“Afraid so,” said the wizard. 

“And these are my carrots!” yelled the man in the smock, ripping them out of my 

mouth. 

“Good eve to you, Master Hodges,” said the armored man, nodding at the 

shopkeeper. 

“It was until this beast crashed into my shop. Ate up a crate of cabbage, then 

knocked down half the displays!” 

“I can pay for that,” said the wizard. 

“Oh” said Master Hodges. 

I couldn’t help myself. I literally hadn’t had a good meal in a week. Leaning 

forward, I nibbled at the carrots that Hodges was dangling from his hands. 

“God’s teeth!” Hodges said, yanking the carrots away. 

“Well, it’s not as if you were going to sell them again,” said the armored man. 

“No, no, of course not,” said Hodges. 

“Let me pay you,” said the wizard. “How much for the damages” 

Hodges scowled at me. “Call it five guilders.” 

“What” said the armored man. 

“No, no, that’s fine,” said the wizard, pulling a silver coin from his purse. 

“Hey!” said a man putting a nearby awning back up. “Your cow knocked my 

display over, too!” 

“Right, right,” said the wizard. “How much damage there” 

“None whatsoever,” said the armored man. “Go on you lot, it’s the court wizard. 

I’m sure you’ve all other things to do.” He turned to Hodges. “I take it you won’t be 

leveling a complaint” 

“No, not at all,” said Hodges. “Just keep that damned cow away from my shop.” 

“Sir” said the armored man to the wizard. “You can agree with that” 

“Absolutely,” said the wizard. “Lucky thing to find you, actually, I’m trying to get 

rid of her. I’ve been looking for a guardsman all evening.” 

The guardsman obligingly handed me a carrot. “There you go, missy. Bought and 

paid for.” He looked back at the wizard. “How can Her Majesty’s finest serve you, sir” 

“That’s a criminal cow.” 

“We’ve already established that, yes.” 

“Well, the cow has a past. If you know what I mean,” said the wizard. He pulled on 

the rope. I swallowed the last of the carrots and started ambling out towards the street. 

“Past” said the guardsman, following us. He stroked his close cut beard for a bit. 

“Oh...right, I’ve heard about that. Always wondered why the Queen didn’t publicize the 

punishment more.” 

The wizard shrugged. “Who knows with her, really I think it had something to do 

with not wanting regular cows to be stigmatized. Or it could be she doesn’t want the 

value of her farm’s milk and butter to go down. People might object if they knew where 

their fondue came from.” 

The guardsman looked me in the eye. “Refugee from the farm, eh I take it she was 

hoping to escape in the fog. We’ve got, what, two days to go” He patted me on the

head. “Worse things to happen, really lass.” 

“No, this is a new cow. Just transformed her, myself.” 

“In the middle of the night” 

“Well, that’s when she tried to make off with my purse.” 

The guardsman laughed. “Lord. Silly little cutpurse. Next time, you really should 

case your victim a bit better. The court wizard himself! You would have been better off 

trying to steal the horse from under the Prince Consort.” 

“Oh, come now,” said the wizard. “His Highness is far more vicious than I am. I 

don’t kill people.” 

“Just make them stop being people, yes sir. But begging your pardon, how am I 

involved in this again” 

“Sorry about this, but I’m turning her over to you.” The wizard scratched the back 

of his neck. “I’ve got an appointment I’ve got to get to.” 

“At midnight.” 

“You know us wizards. Perpetually doing things under the cover of darkness.” 

The guardsman grinned. “No doubt. A bit like my job. I stop things from being 

done under the cover of darkness. So, you want me to keep her at the station’s stables, 

then take her down to the farm tomorrow” 

“Fine, fine,” the wizard said, handing the guardsman the rope. “Oh, not that it 

matters, but I think she’s new to this country.” 

“That would explain her trying to pinch a wizard’s purse.” The guardsman tugged at 

the rope. “Come along, girl. I’ll tell you about things as we take you down to the station. 

Nice stables we have. Fresh hay and everything.” 

“Wait!” I yelled as the wizard started walking away. “When do I get turned back” 

The wizard turned around and frowned. “I told you that. A year and a day. It will 

just wear off. Have fun.” He paced away. 

“Don’t look like that,” said the guardsman. “You’ll live. And there’s plenty of fresh 

air on the farm.” He tugged the rope again, and I followed him. 

I mooed disconsolately. I know, as the wizard had pointed out, in my own land I 

would have been hung. But hung as a highwayman had a certain dignity. Being a cow 

had everything but. As if in answer to that thought, I belched and passed gas. 

“Phew!” said the guardsman, waving a hand in front of his nose. “I could have told 

you, try to limit the cabbage. Tastes good, but gives one wind. Try bringing it back up. 

Once you get the cud good and chewed, it isn’t so bad the second time.” 

I cocked my head at him. 

He scratched behind my ear. “Yep, I’ve spent a bit of time on four legs myself. 

Mind you, unlike you, it wasn’t my fault. An evil giant conquered the land some years 

and summoned this magic fog that turned us all into animals. I was lucky, ended up a 

bull.” 

I murmured agreement, then found my mouth full of digested cabbage. I know, that 

sounds awful. But it actually didn’t taste too bad. Think of the second runnings of tea-- 

not as much flavor, but worth a sip. 

“See There you go!” he said as I chewed my cud. “Ha, first time for me, I spit the 

mess out. But you get used to it. Funny thing is, you really are a cow. Don’t give me 

that look. You’re still smart, or at least as smart as you were before the spell. What I 

mean is you'll like the same things cows like, and even react like they do.

“Anyway,” he continued, “the wizard is the fellow who lifted the curse. Defeated 

the giant, and then turned us all back into people. He’s a big hero around these parts. 

Only thing is, you can’t just wipe up a huge curse like that and have it gone forever. It’s 

like spilling wine on clothing. Even the best laundress can’t get all the stain out. Every 

month or so, the enchanted fog still rolls back in. If we’re around the castle area, we end 

up turning back into the animals we once were. But thanks to the wizard, it’s not 

permanent anymore. After a few days, his magic once again overcomes the fog and we 

revert.” 

Startled, I swallowed the cud and started choking. No wonder the wizard wanted me 

out of the area. That’s what he’d meant by reverting. I kept coughing. 

“Are you well” asked the guardsman. “Sorry, this rope is probably too tight, isn’t 

it” 

I deliberately kept coughing and nodded my head. When he untied the rope, I 

bunched my rear legs together and sprang forwards, head butting him. He fell into a 

nearby mud puddle with a satisfying splash. 

Leaping over the guardsman, I ran as fast as I could, stretching my legs out in front 

of me. I was no race horse, but I made reasonable enough time. People were more than 

happy to get out of my way as I careered down the paved street, my hooves clattering on 

the stonework. 

Out of the main city, I stopped to catch my breath. I was tremendously lathered, my 

legs ached with fatigue, and my udder felt bruised from all that bouncing about. I 

remembered that horses needed to be cooled down, so I forced myself to keep walking. I 

scanned behind me, but didn’t see my guardsman. I felt bad about the head butt; I’d hit 

him rather solidly. He'd seemed a decent sort. 

But I didn’t feel like being milked for a year, either.

CHAPTER TWO 

A distant thatched cottage stood illuminated in the moonlight, encircled by a wooden 

stack rail fence. Something nearby smelled truly tasty and sweet. I chewed a bit more 

cud as I approached it. The area looked like a fair enough place to hide out until this fog 

the guardsman was talking about appeared. There was even a wooded copse nearby 

where I could hide during the day. 

As I followed the road alongside the fence, I discovered the sweet smell came from 

long, thick grass on the other side. I tried sticking my head through the fence, without any 

luck. I was a big animal. And I was hungry again, damn it all. No wonder cows grazed 

all the time. 

If a nursery rhyme cow could jump over the moon, mayhap an enchanted cow could 

jump a fence. It didn’t look much taller than I was. Surely I could leap high enough to 

climb over it, even if I couldn’t clear it outright. I paced four yards backwards, then 

galloped at the fence and leapt. 

The results were less than spectacular. I landed halfway across the fence, my 

forelegs stuck between the posts and the main rail uncomfortably wedged in front of my 

rear legs, pushing on my damnable udder. I wiggled vigorously, trying to shake myself 

off. The fence didn’t budge and I got a painful splinter in my belly for the effort. I tried 

kicking, but my rear legs were suspended in mid air. Lord, I was stupid, dumber even 

than a real cow. They had better sense than to try going over fences. If I hadn’t been so 

captivated by the smell of the grass, I might have thought for a moment and tried to find a 

gate. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I felt a large tear run down my muzzle, and I started lowing 

in self pity. 

I have no idea how long I was there. It probably wasn’t that long, but I couldn’t 

exactly nap the hours away. Even when I stopped thrashing, the fence still was pressed 

painfully into some surprisingly tender sections of my belly. I wondered if the 

guardsman was still after me. I was starting to hope he was, and would help me off the 

fence. There seemed blessed little chance of me escaping now. I couldn’t even sneak 

into a farmer’s field without making a mess of it. 

“Jeremiah!” a woman yelled. “Over here! I was right.” 

Perhaps I had nodded off after all, as I hadn’t heard anyone approach. Squinting 

into the gloom, I saw a woman running towards me in the moonlight, clad in nothing 

more than a chemise and mobcap. I mooed at her. 

“Easy, girl,” she said. “We’ll get you off of this.” She stopped about five feet away. 

“The cow’s stuck on the fence!” she called over her shoulder, then stooped down and 

pulled up a handful of long grass. 

“Here you go,” she said, approaching carefully. 

I nibbled gratefully at the grass, while she stroked me gently on the neck. 

“We’ll get you down, don’t you worry”. She looked fairly sturdy, but next to me, 

beyond diminutive. I couldn’t blame her for being careful. 

A bearded man carrying a long handled axe approached. “You didn’t have to run so

lasted fast over here,” he said, breathing heavily. 

“You can say I was right anytime you wish, love,” said the woman. 

He gave me a quick glance. “Fine, Lucy. You’re right, it’s a cow.” 

“And not a thief. And you say I’m the one starting at shadows.” 

The man shrugged, leaning the ax against the fence. “Never know around here 

anymore. People get a bit wild just before the fog.” 

“Thieves don’t go ‘moo’.” 

The man gave me a looking over. “I’d say she was trying to thief the grass out of 

the pasture, by the looks of it. Definitely not one of ours.” 

“I’ll agree with you there. Haven’t spotted a brand yet, though. We’ll just have to 

keep her till someone comes looking for her.” 

“First things first, we need to get her free. You’ve got her calmed down, but she’s 

pretty stuck. I’ll need to knock down the fence around her. I’d prefer she be haltered for 

that. 'Less you brought a rope, we need to head back to the barn.” 

“Can’t just leave her here! What if one of ours had got loose” 

“I take better care of my stock.” 

Lucy turned her back on him to give me another clump of grass. “She looks fair 

well taken care off. Doesn’t look like she’s been starving and the coat’s in good 

condition.” She scratched my nose. “Who’s a pretty cow” 

I thanked her, although it ended up being just so much mooing. 

In the moonlight, I could see Lucy frown. “That didn’t sound like regular lowing, 

did it, Jeremiah” 

He hit his forehead. “Lord forgive me for stupidity. I guess I’ve just gotten used to 

how regular things have been lately.” 

Lucy turned to me. “You’re a person, aren’t you” 

Damn it all, I thought. I had almost made it. By the sounds of it, I had only needed 

a few more days before this fog came back, and I’d be free. But if they discovered I was 

an escaped convict, everything was over. 

“Miss” said Jeremiah. 

I chewed a bit of cud, trying not to look at him. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Mrs, is that it” 

I coughed on my cud. 

“Poor dear!” said Lucy, patting my back. “Don’t worry, we have some nice fog time 

stables, away from the livestock. We’re both horses during the time, so we’re all stocked 

up with feed already. Good stuff, no straw in it.” 

“Are you sure she’s a person” said Jeremiah. “If not, once we get her down I say 

we put her in with the rest of the livestock. Don’t want regular cows mucking our 

personal stall.” 

“Jeremiah!” 

I had a revelation. They might have a bull. I really didn’t want to spend the evening 

defending my honor. 

I nodded rapidly, lowing loudly in what I hoped was a human sort of way. 

“Don’t mind him,” Lucy said. “He’s just cranky when he gets up in the middle of 

the night.” 

I mooed sympathetically. 

“Fair enough,” said Jeremiah. “Nod once if you’re ready for me to smash this fence

from under you. 

I nodded. 

He went to work. In a few minutes, I was down. 

Lucy rubbed my belly. “Let’s get you inside where we can have a look at you. I’ve 

got an ointment that should make you feel better. By the by, not to impose, but do you 

mind if I ride on your back My shift is muddy enough as it is.” 

I tried a shrug, which didn’t work, so I just nodded. 

Back at the cottage, Lucy dashed inside to get a lamp, then led me over to what I can 

only describe as the most beautiful stable I had ever seen. The wood floors shone in the 

lamplight, and there were throw rugs in the stalls. The water trough was made of ceramic 

and filled with clean water, and the hay bales were fresh and smelled wonderful. The 

walls were filled with homey bric-a-brac, complete with a few oil paintings. 

“Sorry about the mess,” said Lucy, stifling a yawn. “We still haven’t moved all our 

things here. Do you read I can come by with some books tomorrow. I prop them up on 

this stand here and use a stick to turn the pages.” 

I nodded, still taking in the place. If one had to be a cow, this was the place to be. 

“Oh,” she added, “if you have to do the necessary, we’ve a compost pile we use. 

Look for the solid fence about thirty feet from here. I haven’t filled the washing up barrel 

yet, but you can use the stream if you need.” 

She opened the stall door. “Hope you can fit in here. I fibbed about the horses.” 

She giggled. “We’re actually Welsh Ponies. Good, sturdy breed, if I do say so myself. 

But Jerry, he is absurdly embarrassed about being a pony. As if we had any choice! 

Anyway, if you need more room, you can sleep in the sitting area. I’ll drag some 

blankets over.” 

I mooed thanks. 

“Well, I’m about ready to fall over,” she said. “Sorry about prating on so! I suppose 

the fog’s coming sooner than we think. We can have a nice chat then. Ta for now!” 

She left me, and with her the light. I instantly felt myself starting to nod off. The 

stall wasn’t too tight at all. I was wondering if cows slept standing or not, when my eyes 

shut of their own accord and I had my answer. 

I was in a hayloft back home, the morning light streaming its way across the floor 

and Susan’s half clothed form. I patted my cheeks to see if I really was human again, and 

felt the soft down of my one and only attempt at a beard. Susan had liked it, I 

remembered, even if no one else did. 

Her eyelids fluttered, and she leaned up on one elbow. Her left breast fell out of her 

loose smock. I remembered touching her there for the first time. 

“Ned” she said. 

“My dear” I stepped forward without a sound on the old creaky boards. I 

remembered being so worried that her father would hear us. 

“I am dreaming, aren’t I” she said. “But I remember the loft.” She sat up, brushing 

*** 

***

the hay out of her long, thick hair. “Five years married, and I still miss you sometimes.” 

“Just sometimes” I knelt down and touched her cheek with my fingertips. 

“Just sometimes, Ned.” She smiled. “I am expecting, you know. I get on fine 

enough with my husband.” 

“I hadn’t heard. I mean, I hadn’t heard about the child.” I let my hand drop to my 

side. “I’m happy for you.” 

“That’s what people say, isn’t it But we’re just dreaming now. My husband can’t 

begrudge me my dreams.” She frowned. “You’re dead, aren’t you No one knows 

where you got to.” 

“No one was buying my cloth.” 

I watched tears wash down her face. “Ned, you sweet fool. We could have helped 

you.” 

“Take handouts from the man who bested me in love” 

“You read too much! Stop being dramatic. Life is simply practical, that’s how it has 

to be sometimes. You said as much to me once.” 

“It’s different for men. I have my pride.” 

“Damn your pride! You think women haven’t any But one has to live.” She 

dropped her head into her hands and started sobbing. “Oh, Ned, I’m sorry. You’re dead 

and I’m having the same argument with you that we once had.” 

I sat down and held her in my arms, feeling her rock back and forth. “I’m sorry, too, 

Susan. I’m not dead, not yet, but I don’t think I’m coming home. I’m just glad to be able 

to say goodbye.” 

She looked up, and held my hand. “Goodbye, Ned. I’ll try to remember the hayloft, 

not the arguing.” 

“I as well.” I stood up and looked down at her. Her clothing had vanished, and all I 

could see was the floor around us for ten feet or so. The rest of the barn was hidden by 

thick fog. 

“It’s just a dream,” she whispered. “It doesn’t count. No one will fault us.” 

I bit my lip and undid my clothing. But my body felt unresponsive. There was no 

quickening of my loins. I remembered rolling with her on the floor here, but I couldn’t 

feel anything with the memory. 

“Ned” She stood up, the sunlight covering her and making her form blur in my 

eyes. “Please come here.” 

I turned to face her, and the world turned to mist. Then I blinked and saw that I had 

hooves again. Susan was nowhere to be seen. 

"Ned" I heard her call. "Come back!" 

My desire was gone, replaced by embarrassment. I wasn't the man she wanted. I 

wasn't even a man. I turned and walked away into the dark mists. 

"Ned!" I heard her running towards me, but I couldn't let her see me like this. She 

was better off with her memories. 

I picked up to a trot, my udder banging against my legs as I felt thick wet tears 

coursing down my muzzle and jowls, no hands to wipe my eyes with. I wheeled around, 

taking a deep breath so I could yell at Susan to leave me be. 

***

I woke up, thrashing my body against the side of the stall, bellowing as only cattle 

can. 

“Miss!” Lucy yelled, throwing open the door. “Are you well” 

I stopped bucking and tried to calm myself. My heart was racing and my legs 

trembled. Slowing my breathing, I stuck my head out of the stall and nodded. 

“Bad dream, I expect,” she said. She was wearing a homespun dress made of white 

cotton sprigged with pink flowers. It smelled fresh and clean, and somehow the scent 

brought me back to my senses. 

“You like the dress” she asked, holding it out by the hems and twirling about. 

I realized I had my put my muzzle right into the middle of the skirt. I looked away 

guiltily. 

“No, no, that’s fine,” she said. “You can sniff it if you want. Good Lord, Thomas-- 

he’s our hired man--he’s a collie, and I find him sticking his nose in things even when 

he’s human. I’ll just brush the grass off.” She pulled up a small table and sat on it. 

“Other than bad dreams, how are you this morning Mind if I have a look to see if you 

were hurt last night” 

I shook my head, and she started giving me a rub down, which felt wonderful. I was 

becoming intimate with my new body by way of aches and pains. I was huge and strong, 

but I had run for a few miles, to say nothing of getting stuck on a rough wood fence. I 

felt sore all over, and my udder felt particularly misused. I could ignore a good many 

things about my new body when I didn’t think about it, but there was no ignoring a huge 

swollen part of my body that banged against my rear legs when I walked. Even standing 

right now, it felt uncomfortable and stiff. 

“May I” Lucy asked, when she got to my underside. “Hmm...let me put some of 

that ointment on you here, you’re all barked up.” She started applying something cool to 

my scratches. The pain stopped almost immediately. 

I mooed happily. 

“Feels good, doesn’t it Looks like you were scratched up on your udder a bit, too.” 

She laughed. “I admit, I don’t envy you cows that, for all the menfolk seem to like a 

bosomy girl.” She patted her breasts. “I actually lost a bit after my first change. Same 

for the hips. But now I can run like anything, so I’m happy enough there. Still, won’t be 

the subject of anyone’s oil painting, I know that. Like they say, we play the hand we’re 

dealt.” 

I nodded solemnly. She was absolutely right. I might wish I had a better hand than 

sitting in a stall with a tail and four legs, but I wasn’t being dragged off to a prison farm, 

whatever that was like. If one had to be a cow, one could do worse than to be a guest in a 

wooden floored barn. 

I mooed sharply when she touched my udder. It really was swollen. 

“I am so sorry!” Lucy said. “Dearie me. You’re full up, aren’t you Feeling 

uncomfortable” 

I nodded. Full up Oh, of course. Cows had to be milked daily, I knew that. I just 

hadn’t realized what it felt like if they weren’t. 

“I can take care of that, if you like. Don’t worry, we’ve four regular cows, so I’ve 

plenty of practice. Used to have more before the Royal Dairies dropped the milk prices 

so much. Mostly we do cheese now, but I still have my milking hands.” 

Lucy went off and came back with a bucket and milking stool.

“I admit, I feel awkward about this,” she said. “But, you get used to strange things 

around here.” As she was putting the stool down, she gasped. “Sweet baby Jesus, I just 

realized! You’re a mother, that’s why you’re in milk. Well, we’d best get you back home 

soon, then.” 

I shook my head. 

“No You don’t want to go home” I shook a no. “Why not Don’t you have a 

child at home” 

Again, I shook my head. 

Lucy slumped on the stool. “You lost the babe” 


“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t pry. It’s just so hard when you can’t speak back.” 

I mooed in agreement. 

“Ha! That I understood. With a bit of an undercurrent of ‘Lucy, get to milking’.” 

Fortunately, Lucy wasn’t boasting about her touch, and as strange as it felt to have 

someone pulling on me there, she was surprisingly gentle. It actually felt good, much 

like tension being worked out by a massage. 

Lucy could still chat while working, though. “So, just kick me if I’m nosy. But we 

should find out where you’re from. Do you know the way back home Oh, bother, 

thought it was something like that. You were lost, I take it, looking for someone to take 

you in for the night. Oh good, I knew I’d guess right at least once! Let me name some 

towns nearby...no You don’t live nearby Family near Bother, I’m at a loss again. 

You were traveling and got lost Well, that makes sense, I should have guessed that 

straightaway.” 

She switched teats. “Nice, golden milk you have. Reminds me of the Royal Dairy 

milk--I have to admit it makes fair good cheese. Cheese is a better thing to be selling, 

anyways. You can store it up, and it only gets better. And, no offense, milking all those 

cows in the morning is work. Four is more than enough.” She laughed. “Well, five, but 

you’re a guest and all. But I expect you’ll want to be on your way soon.” 

I tried a non-committal moo. I wasn’t sure yet. This seemed like a good enough 

place to hide. But even after I got rid of the curse, how on Earth was I going to get back 

home For that matter, what was at home waiting for me Going back to starving 

Maybe the wizard was right. Maybe I was better off as a cow, at least compared to my 

old life. I wondered if Lucy and Jeremiah could use some help around the farm. Maybe I 

could save up enough to get a loom. Mills didn’t seem likely in this fairy land I had 

fallen into. Unless elves had driven weavers, spinners and shoemakers out of business, of 

course. I laughed at the thought. 

“Swallow something” asked Lucy. “You seemed lost in thought. Wondering how 

to get home” 

I nodded. 

“Thought so. Ah, you got bruised here. Let me put some more salve on you. Hard 

to run when you’re in milk. You’re not the first, you know. I lost a child when we were 

traveling. It’s terrible, it truly is, especially when the body is all set for the babe to come. 

But we were traveling under hard conditions. We probably wouldn’t have set out if we’d 

known I was pregnant.” She patted me. “It’s all right. We’ll both have a chance again. 

I’m not sure, but I missed last month, so it might be soon! That’s life, isn’t it” 

Lucy hugged me, and for the first time, I was glad I couldn’t respond.

“But your husband no doubt misses you, doesn’t he” she said. “No No husband 

Oh, miss, I’m sorry! I have the biggest mouth in the world. Widowed and...no Well, 

that happens. Sorry, in for a penny, that’s me. But where were you traveling to We can 

help there, at least.” She named a string of towns. “None of those Then the castle city 

itself No” She finished the milking and wiped me down with a blanket. She pulled 

the milking stool in front of me and sat down on it, resting her chin on her hands. 

“How I wish you could talk back! So, you were traveling across country all by 

yourself You are brave! Then got caught by a bit of an early fog patch before you got to 

where you were going. It happens, more than people think. Jeremiah saw a man caught 

just last year, and the moon was new. They were just walking along the road to 

Almendaire, as regular a road as you could like, and Jeremiah sees this fellow standing 

by a small duck pond, I suppose to take care of things as they say. You know men, they’ll 

go anywhere. Anyway, Jerry sees a soft mist appear on the pond and float over the 

fellow. Seconds later, there’s a mallard standing there. Fellow was lucky enough that my 

Jerry was there, or he’d have had a long waddle to town, not to mention losing his clothes 

and pack. 

“Funniest thing, well, perhaps not all that funny. The fellow was an out of town sort, 

and it was his first change ever. So, he was as bewildered about it as all of us are the first 

time, made worse because he didn’t expect it.” 

I tapped my hoof. 

Lucy put her hand over her mouth. “You too! You mean, this is your first time!” 

I mooed loudly and tapped my hoof. 

“Well, that explains all. And the milk, too, doesn’t it I recall Mrs. Lily telling me 

that happened to her right off. Something about cows. Most cows at a farm are in milk, 

so the magic makes them that way straight off, I suppose. But you’ll probably go dry by 

next month. I’m sorry, I’m not embarrassing you, am I As Jerry and I say, we don’t talk 

like we’re in Boston anymore. Not that you’d know where that is. Anyway--” 

I cut her off with a moo. 

“Did I say something” she asked, puzzled. “I’ll try to curb my tongue, sorry. I’m 

just saying I’m a frontier girl, we’re a plain talking sort. But mayhap you aren’t” 

I shook my head. I liked Lucy, but I had to admit I didn’t want to hear more about 

my milk. Next thing one knew, she’d be talking about breeding. That thought brought 

back the memory of last night, and I felt myself flushing, even under all my fur. 

“Well, I’ll try to be better, then. If this isn’t Boston anymore, it’s not the Oregon 

territories, either. That’s my old life.” 

I lowed loudly. 

“Wait, something about Oregon You’ve heard of it From there No, but you’re 

from back home” She hugged me again. “You poor dear, no wonder. I remember how 

confused we were when we got here, and we’d warning about the fog before we settled. 

We’d gotten lost in the mountains, then came through some driving rain to around these 

parts. When the rain cleared, here we were.” 

I nodded. 

“Something much the same, I see. How many days have you been here” 

I tapped my hoof once. 

Lucy stared, then started giggling. “I’m so sorry!” she said between hiccoughs. “I 

oughten laugh at your expense, but what a day you had. Just wandering around through

the woods, step into a patch of fog and...moooo!” She suddenly looked serious. 

“Miss...it is miss, isn’t it Well, at least you don’t have a husband waiting for you. But 

the rest of your family...no family left That makes what I’m going to tell you a bit 

easier.” 

She stroked my head. “We spent days looking for a way back. But there isn’t one, 

not as far as we could find. We’d already left one world behind in Boston, though, so 

coming here wasn’t too hard. I do wish I could write my sister. I do miss that awfully.” 

She brushed a tear away. “But, we ended up settling anyway. Just in a place even 

stranger than we’d expected. And you’ll have to get set up here, too. If you like, I’m 

sure we could let you stay. I could use another woman around here, that’s for sure. 

Jeremiah can’t cook to save his life. But we can worry about that when the fog passes 

and we’re all people again.” 

I rubbed my head against her, happy for the first time in a long while. Lucy might 

be disappointed when she found out I was actually a man, but I resolved to be as useful as 

I could. Besides, a decade of living without a woman in the house had taught me how to 

cook, clean and mend. I wouldn’t be ashamed to push a broom. As Susan had told me in 

my dream, I needed to submerge my pride. 

I spent the rest of the morning following Lucy about as she did her chores. It was a 

blue-sky spring day, and the sun felt warm on my coat. Once I got a bit more practice 

with my tail, the flies stopped bothering me for the most part. There didn’t seem to be 

too many of them around our part of the barnyard, no doubt because it was clean and free 

of garbage and manure. It wasn’t as if I was going to leave cow plops lying about. I 

might have four legs, but I hadn’t lost that sensibility. 

In the daylight, I discovered that my vision was weaker. I could see fine up close, 

but the distant forest blurred around the edges. Colors didn’t seem to be as strong as they 

once were, either. On the other hand, my sense of smell was incredible. For example, I 

could tell that Jeremiah had just been at the well, even though he’d left by the time we 

got there. 

“There you go,” Lucy said as she drew up another bucket. “That should do you 

nicely for your wash basin. I tell you, having a bit of a wash up makes me feel human 

when I’m a horse. No reason to be dirty, just because you’re an animal. Mind you, some 

race around getting mud matted in their fur. I expect that they’re slovenly enough the rest 

of the time, though. Being an animal just gives them an excuse.” 

She clambered onto my back and I gave her a ride back to the house. 

“Morning, ladies,” said Jeremiah, who was sitting on the back porch munching on a 

slice of pie. He had stripped down to his breeches and shirt, and was damp under his 

arms. He really did look strong, though not much taller than Lucy. “Just was taking a 

break. I’ll get to the cheese cellar in a bit.” 

“Oh, same here,” said Lucy. “Time flies by when you’ve someone to chat with. 

And I’ve got my own steed to get about on, now.” She carefully let herself down off me 

and gave Jeremiah a kiss. 

“We should get everything put up today, I think”, Jeremiah said. “If our friend here 

got caught out last night, then Lord knows, it could happen anytime now. Remember that 

duck I met” 

“I told her all about that. She’s much the same, Jerry. I mean to say, she just 

wandered in like we did.”

Jeremiah chewed the pie thoughtfully, then licked his fingers one by one before 

speaking. “She’s from back home Do we know her” 

I shook my head as Lucy explained. “Well, from somewhere near. She’d heard of 

Boston. But this is her first change! And she doesn’t know anyone here.” 

Jeremiah stood up. “I know what you’re asking. That’s fine, glad to have an extra 

set of hands around, if she doesn’t mind.” I shook my head. “Good. Well, Miss Cow, 

the short of it is that we all are going to turn into beasts for a few days when this magic 

fog comes. You’ll be back to human at the end of it. Nothing to be scared of. Magic is 

real and common hereabouts. It’s not of the devil, it’s just something people use, like a 

tool, or steam.” He stroked his beard. “Lucy, you said it’s her first time as an animal” 

I nodded as Lucy spoke. “Yes. That’s why she’s in milk and all. Remember what 

Mrs. Lily said” 

“Rest in peace, I do. But you know how you were going to take the milk over there 

for little William Maybe you could introduce her. I mean...” I could see that he was 

blushing. 

“I’ll talk to her later about it, when you aren’t around.” 

“Good, that’ll do it then. You tell her about the other thing with changing Like 

how I used to be taller” 

“And fatter.” 

“Ha! That was your cooking, woman.” He held her hands and they looked into 

each others eyes. I took that moment to wander away and find a bit of grass to chew. 

For one, I had noticed that they had stopped talking to me as if I was there. It was 

irritating, but perhaps understandable. I don’t think I’d remember to talk to a cow, either. 

But mostly, I didn’t want to be in the way if they wanted to be romantic.

CHAPTER THREE 

I was wandering about the edge of the house, chewing my cud when I smelled 

horses approaching. I carefully craned my head around the corner and saw two 

guardsmen ride up to the front of the house. Jeremiah answered the door. I couldn’t pick 

out exactly what they were saying, but I had my suspicions. I felt my heart race again. I 

had to think, and think fast. I didn’t have time for any more foolishness. I had been far 

too much the fool lately. 

I trotted around to the back where Lucy still was, and knelt down. 

“That’s clever,” she said, clapping her hands together. “I should have thought of that 

first.” She climbed easily onto my back. “If you’ve time, why don’t you head down the 

road a bit There’s a family you ought meet.” 

She’d barely finished talking when I broke into a canter towards the woods. Lucy 

shrieked with laughter. 

“You are silly. Lord, be careful, though. You nearly pitched me off!" She rubbed 

my withers. "No, no, to the left, take the main road.” 

I looked for the guardsmen, but couldn’t see them. With my vision, that didn’t mean 

much, but it made me feel safe enough to slow. I stood there panting as Lucy patted my 

back. 

“I love a good gallop when I’m a pony, myself. I was lucky, being a pony is easier 

than other animals. I mean, some ended up pigs, or even mice. But all things wise and 

wonderful, isn’t that what they say” 

I walked along, paralleling the main road. Maybe the fog would come while we 

were off visiting Lucy’s friends. I doubted the guards would hunt me down if they were 

animals. Not many animals could force a cow to go where she didn’t want to. I 

wondered what they were telling Jeremiah. It probably was the end of my fantasies of 

living in the country with them, but at least I’d be human in a few days. 

“Miss” Lucy said after many minutes of silence. “You were going to find this out 

sooner or later, but let me show you something. Ever see a photograph” 


“Weren’t cheap, not at all, but we did one up for our wedding, then had tracings 

done for things like my locket. Let me show you us, a year ago.” 

I stopped as she pulled out her locket and opened it. Focusing my eye, I saw a 

young couple, both somewhat on the round side. They looked like the larger brother and 

sister of Jeremiah and Lucy. 

“That’s us, you see. You can walk again, that’s all I wanted to show you. Thing is, 

being an animal changes you. I didn’t have this thick hair, and I was taller and had more 

curves. Now I’m all skinny pony woman, you see. I can run really fast, too. And we’re 

both stronger. And,” she leaned forward to whisper in my ear, “some things about 

stallions are worth having in a husband. Let’s just say that.” She started giggling. 

“But I need to be serious here. You’re probably wondering about yourself, and the 

odds are that you’re going to look different. So, don’t be shocked. After getting snuck

up on by the fog, you don’t need any more shocks, I reckon.” 

I chewed my cud for a while. No, I didn’t need any shocks. But in way, this was a 

good thing. If I could just make it back to being human, I could easily escape if I didn’t 

look like my old self. 

“Probably wondering what will happen, eh” Lucy said. “I’m not sure, but...” she 

giggled again. “I’m going to have to go back to being blunt, my dear. Cows are very 

bosomy. You’ll need a good corset. And judging by how pretty a cow you are, I’m 

guessing at big brown eyes, soft hair, curvy waist, basically like the sort of girl whose 

picture gets hung over bars. Fortunately, cows tend to be pretty strong, too, which is 

good for an unmarried gal like you. You’ll have to beat the boys off with a stick.” 

I grunted. I had no idea how that would translate to a man’s appearance, though 

strong would be nice. 

“I know, I know,” Lucy said. “You probably just want to look like your old self, 

don’t you Well, could be worse, you could have become a rat. Anyway, here’s the more 

serious point. Not to keep going on about milking you, but the thing is there’s this babe 

whose mother died just this winter. That was Mrs. Lily we were talking about. She was 

a cow, too, so we were going to send milk over to keep the boy when he turns into a calf. 

Poor William almost starved the last month because his wet nurse wasn’t a cow, and the 

boy won’t take direct from a regular cow. Smell or some such, I expect. So, they lay out 

a trough of milk for him instead. ” 

I craned my head around to look at Lucy. 

“I know, it’s all strange, isn’t it Especially if you haven’t had children. But you’d 

be doing the boy a great service. He barely touches the trough, and he really hasn’t been 

thriving lately.” She hugged my neck. “Please, miss” 

I thought about it. Life had been strange enough lately. But I could use a place to 

hide. And if it helped a child live, who could argue with that I’d already been milked 

this morning, anyway. It wouldn’t be that different. In truth, I felt that I should be 

feeling more uncomfortable about it than I really did. Perhaps it was just like chewing 

cud. It was something cows did, so it didn’t seem unnatural to me at all. 

I nodded. 

Lucy hugged my neck. “I thought you would, but I was still afraid you wouldn’t. I 

mean, it’s so presumptuous of me! We’ve just met. Why really, you haven’t had a 

chance to talk back at all, you poor thing. This must be almost too much to bear for you. 

But it will be better when the fog comes. When we’re animals, we can all understand 

each other. It’s part of the magic, thank God. You know I’d go mad if I couldn’t talk! 

But I promise to keep my fool mouth shut for a bit, and let you chatter at me. If nothing 

else, I want to know your name.” 

I wondered what I was going to tell her. I probably should try to disappear before 

we all turned back, lest the guards track me down. But I liked the girl, and hated to be 

dishonest with her. I wondered if she’d turn me in. I wanted to believe no, but who 

could trust anyone completely 

*** 

Lucy's friend's farm was actually a fair sized estate, complete with gardens and a 

moderately sized manor house. She left me outside the barns to munch on clover. Like

hers, the barnyard here was nice and clean, and the clover patch was set in a well tended 

knot garden. I wandered around, admiring and sniffing. It was hard to put a finger--or 

hoof--on, but there was a decided “cowness” to the garden, from the mélange of scents 

from the plants, to the easy ramps leading up to a sturdy gazebo overlooking a small duck 

pond. Standing in the shade of the gazebo, I could see a small gravestone at the bottom 

of the garden. As I was trying to focus on that, I felt something alight upon my back and 

scrabble around. 

“Watch the tail!” someone squawked. It was a bird’s voice, but it sounded 

masculine to me. There was a rapid fluttering around my hindquarters, and I forced my 

tail to stop swatting. 

Craning my head around, I saw a brightly colored magpie perched on my rump. It 

raised a wing. 

“Hey there, sorry about yelling,” the bird said. I could understand him perfectly, 

even though I heard it as so much bird song. It was as if on one level I heard a twittering 

bird, and on another a man’s voice with a oddly familiar twang to it. 

The bird cocked his head. “You’re a woman, ain’t you I’ll feel stupid if I’m just 

chattering at a cow.” 

I licked my lips and tried to talk. “I’m a person, yes, if that’s what you mean.” It 

came out as a long moo. 

The magpie bobbed his head. “Pleased to make your acquaintance, ma’am. Name’s 

Terrence. Hope you don’t mind me sitting on you like that. Just seemed the natural thing 

to do. You know how that is.” 

“All too well, really.” Talking seemed to come easier when I didn’t think about it. 

“I guess you got caught out, too, huh Damn me--sorry, ma’am--I was just resting 

my legs out in the forest, all nice and quiet like, then WAM! I’m in my feathered form. 

Must be some trace fog come early.” 

“That’s what they’ve been saying. Do you live around here” 

Terrance chirped a laugh. “Live all over. Tinker by trade, don’t you know. The 

folks hereabouts have me fix things for them. Good people, always ones for a hot meal. 

Sometimes I do odd jobs, like when Mrs. Lily was still around. She’d give me sweeping 

to do even when there was nothing to be fixed. As sweet as she was pretty, that one. 

Goddamned shame about what happened.” 

After a day of being mute, even talking to a traveler like Terrence was enough to 

make me weep with joy. It was as if I’d resigned myself to being a dumb animal. Even 

listening to Lucy talk had felt like being a favorite kitten whose owner liked talking to. 

But in a strange way, talking to a bird perched on my back reminded me that I was really 

human. 

“Did I say something wrong” he asked, working his way towards my head. 

I sniffed loudly. Cows weren’t capable of quietly weeping, it seemed. “No, I’m, 

fine, really. It’s just been a hard day.” 

“Sorry to hear that, lady. You know, you sound kinda young, if you don’t mind me 

saying so. How old are you Hard to tell when I’m a bird, all you cattle look huge to 

me.” 

“Not that young,” I said, trying to recover some dignity. “I had a trade and 

everything, before I ended...” I started weeping again. It was really too much. 

“Hey, hey,” Terrence said. “You have yourself a lie down here. You can tell me all.

I mean, I’ve heard it all. People like to talk to me. Guess they figure I won’t tell anyone 

else what they said. And I don’t. Swear on my mother’s grave.” I turned to look at him, 

and he solemnly crossed his heart with his wing. 

I took his advice and laid down, which still felt awkward and reminded me just how 

bulky and ungainly I was. “I’m sorry,” I said. “As I said, rough day.” 

“Weren’t expecting to turn into a cow today, eh” he said, settling on the railing. “I 

know what you mean. But I’m just by myself, you know. Don’t bother me much to 

change a bit early. I also don’t rip up my clothes when I turn. Saw that happen to a horse 

once.” 

“It’s not the clothes!” I said, sniffing. “Damn it all, when did cows cry” 

“When they’ve had a bad day. Or so I’ve heard.” 

“You’ve got the right of it,” I said. “I’d kill for a handkerchief, to be honest.” 

“Oh Wait right here.” Terrence flapped off, darting off towards the main house. 

Shortly thereafter, Lucy came out, followed by a man and a woman. The woman 

was carrying something in her arms. 

“There you are, miss!” said Lucy. “Sorry to keep you waiting so. This is Mr. Lily, 

and Mrs. Armstrong.” The two answered with a bow and a curtsey. Even without 

knowing that people around here were sometimes animals, I would have described Mr. 

Lily as a “bull of a man”. His doublet was stretched tight over a barrel chest, and his 

neck disappeared straight into a head topped with thick curly hair. Even as a cow, I could 

tell he had massive hands that looked as if they could squeeze water out of rocks. For all 

that, he had a soft look in his eyes as he looked me over and tentatively touched my sides. 

I liked how he smelled. It’s hard to explain, but his scent somehow gave me a feeling of 

gentle strength combined with sadness. 

He gazed at me for a few seconds, then jerked his hand away and put it in his 

pocket. He nodded at Lucy, then turned around and walked off to the house. 

“It is a nice day, isn’t it” said Lucy into the silence. 

“Oh, yes, quite,” said Mrs. Armstrong. She smelled “doggish” to me, although if 

she was a dog, she was a round enough one, with a plain, maternal look to her. “Don’t 

mind him, miss, he’s had a hard time recently. He’s really a good man, just doesn’t talk 

much. And speaking of not talking, this is William, his little boy. I’ll be turning him over 

to you for the fog time, I understand.” 

I nodded, standing up as she held the bundle towards me. The swaddling was clean 

enough, I noticed with relief. Fortunately, I thought, a calf wouldn’t need that changed. 

Two brown eyes with a shock of black hair attached peered out of the blankets. A 

small chubby arm waved wildly at my nose. 

“Are you well” Lucy asked me. “Your eyes are red.” She pulled out a large bit of 

cloth from her bag and held it in front of my nose. 

I nodded, blowing my nose on the cloth. To her credit, Lucy didn’t wince, but 

simply wiped my nose clean, then put the cloth away. 

Mrs. Armstrong allowed William to stroke my muzzle. As babies went, he seemed 

cheerful enough, albeit rather thin. 

“There now,” said Mrs. Armstrong. “I think the wee lad has taken a liking to you. I 

hope he’ll recognize you when he’s changed, but smell should do it. My pup could 

always find me, even when I was napping in the corner.” She shook her head. “At least 

humans don’t have little teeth. Ach! The first time. Had to growl at the boy a bit, then

he got the idea. But Lucy says you’ve not nursed before” 

I nodded. 

“Well then, it’s the easiest thing in the world, really. Ought come natural. The wee 

things know where dinner is, and latch on whether you want them to or not. I doubt your 

teats will invert or any other nonsense like that. Animal form is much sturdier. But if you 

want someone to talk to about it, I live a quarter mile down the road that way. I think 

William will be big enough to walk that far when the change comes. Mr. Lily tends to 

make himself scarce when the boy is nursing, so you’ll be wanting company, I imagine.” 

“I think it’s the memories,” said Lucy. “I mean, that ought--” 

“Be done by Mrs. Lily, yes,” Mrs. Armstrong said. She looked at me. “So, don’t 

mind his ways. He’s still in mourning. His wife was such a nice lady.” 

The two women looked uncomfortable, then Mrs. Armstrong abruptly excused 

herself. Lucy made her apologies to me, but remarked that she really ought to say 

goodbye to Mr. Lily. So, I was once again by myself in the garden, chewing my cud. 

I wasn’t alone for long. Terrence came flapping back, trailing a handkerchief in his 

beak. He unceremoniously dropped it on my head. 

“There you go, miss, a right proper bonnet.” He clacked his beak in laughter. “Now 

then, that made you smile, didn’t it” 

“I’m not sure if I can smile.” 

“Girl, everyone can smile. I’m smiling now around this beak of mine. You get used 

to reading animal expressions after a while. And those of your kin, well, I could tell what 

a bird was thinking just right off. Cows, I’m used to you lot, too.” 

“Fine,” I said, “maybe I just don’t feel much like smiling.” 

He flew up to perch on a rail post level with my eyes. “Your nose does look drier.” 

“My friend Lucy took care of that.” 

“So, you’re not crying, that’s the first step towards smiling.” 

The bird was making me cross. “Perhaps I have deeper problems than can be solved 

by just a foolish jest or two!” 

Terrence spread his wings wide. “Hey now, I don’t think I deserve that, miss. Just 

trying to be a help. Notice that I got your kerchief” 

I slumped my head down. The kerchief fell across my nose. “You did. I’m sorry, 

hard day.” 

“You said that, didn’t you But really, so you turned a bit early. In a day or two, 

everyone else will. Me, I don’t mind so much. Like it even. I love flying about so 

much, I’ve considered staying this way for a month. Just nip away to the lowlands before 

the fog rolls out. But I like having proper hands too much to go through with it.” 

“Being a bird would have been a lark.” 

“A magpie, you mean.” 

I laughed. 

“There you go, miss!” he said. “Knew you had it in you. But nothing wrong with 

being a cow, either. Big, strong beasts you are.” 

“I just feel awkward and foolish. I mean, look at me! I’m a damnable dumb beast, 

complete with a full udder, and no doubt a dull look to my eyes. You can fly at least! No 

one says ‘I wish I could waddle like a cow’”. 

He cocked his head to one side. “You are having a bad day. What on earth 

happened to you”

“I turned into a cow! Isn’t that obvious” 

“And that’s it” 

“Isn’t that enough” 

“Begging your pardon, miss, are you like this every month” 

I snorted angrily, feeling the tears coming back. “How would I know Anyway, I 

hope to get far away from here when this fog leaves. Once is enough for me.” 

“Once” Terrence opened his beak wide. “Ooooooh! This is your first time” 

“Yes!” I bellowed. 

“Just passing through, never thought the fog would come early” 

“Didn’t even know about it!” 

“You poor thing,” Terrence said, sidling up to me and scratching my ear with his 

beak. “Well, you’ll need to stick around. Have to be on the plateau the castle is on when 

the fog lifts if you want to turn back. But it’ll be just a few days. And you’ll have some 

company. The Stevens are a good lot. You did well by befriending them so fast.” 

“Who” 

“The Stevens. Mrs. Stevens is who you came with.” 

“Oh, sorry. I just know her as Lucy.” 

Terrence smiled. He was right, I could tell a bird’s smile. It was a sort of tilt to his 

head and a slightly parted beak. “That’s funny. My people are all about first names. 

Christian names I suppose you call them. But hereabouts everyone is ‘God save you 

Master this’ ‘How fare you Mistress that’, so I guess I just got used to it.” 

“No, that’s how my country is, too,” I said. “Lucy’s American, though. I got that 

much from her.” 

“Wait, you know where America is” Terrence’s eyes opened wide. 

“More or less, yes,” I said. “But I’m not from there. I’m English.” 

“London.” 

“No, Manchester,” I said. 

He trilled a long laugh. “No, miss, I wasn’t guessing. I was telling. I’m from 

London, originally anyways. Tinkers have to keep moving. Lots of expats about here. 

Let me guess, you just came through yesterday, then turned.” 

I nodded slowly, feeling the tears coming. 

“And I’m sitting here berating you for being upset! I owe you an apology, miss.” 

“That’s the other thing! Stop calling me ‘miss’”. 

Terrence looked horrified. “I’m sorry, I had no idea you were married. No wonder 

you’re so upset. We can talk about it later, but missus it is for now.” 

“No, not missus, not miss, just stop it!” I butted my head against a gazebo support 

post. 

“But I thought you just said you didn’t hold with first names. I’m sorry girl, you’re 

confusing this poor bird. But I’m easy. So, by way of asking, what is your name” 

The truth was going to come out sooner or later. I chewed a bit of cud, working up 

my nerve to be humiliated again. 

“Ned. Ned Hasting. Master Hasting to some, as I was one of five remaining pattern 

weavers in the local guild. But since the mills came, the title was as useless as my trade 

had become.” I started crying in earnest. Terrence laid the handkerchief on the grass for 

me, and I used it as best as I could. 

“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear,” he said.

“The trade of my father, and his father’s father before him, Terrence!” 

“I’m just a jack of all, master of none, as they say,” Terrence said. “I can only 

imagine. But I do read. You were a Luddite” 

“Didn’t have the courage. I was going to do myself in, you know. But didn’t have 

the courage for that, either. Fitting that I should be turned into an absurd animal. My life 

is an embarrassment.” 

Terrence pecked me hard on the neck. 

“None of that!” he said. “The animal thing isn’t permanent. Stop wallowing in self 

pity, damn it. You had the courage not to kill yourself, so cut the ‘I’m an embarrassment’ 

crap.” 

I giggled. That’s what it felt like, oddly enough. “I see your language is coarser 

now that you know I’m a man.” 

Terrence pecked at his feathers for a while. “I see Mrs. Stevens is coming back, so 

I’m going to have to make this quick. We had a misunderstanding about a pie of hers a 

few weeks ago, she might not want me about.” 

“Make what quick” 

“There’s a saying where I come from. I’ve got good news and bad news. I 

recommend the good first.” 

I peered into the distance. I could see a blurry Lucy-looking form walking our way. 

“Fine, fine. Could use some good news.” 

“The good news is, people are used to folks wandering in hereabouts. So, you can 

probably find work around here.” He winked. “Unless you’re lazy like me.” 

I smiled. “So I won’t have to resort to stealing pies for dinner” 

“It was right out there in the open! Anyways, glad you’re taking it well, because the 

bad news is nobody, but nobody from a different time--like you, the Stevens and I are-- 

ever has gone back to their own time.” 

I thought about that. “Our own time What time is it now” 

“Fairy tale time, near as I can guess. More or less like Queen Elizabeth’s day. The 

first one, I mean.” 

“The first” 

Terrence cawed. “I’m from a hundred years after you, roughly.” 

I watched Lucy approach. “Please stay, Terrence, I need someone to talk to. And I 

want to hear about this future of yours.” 

“Not mine anymore. And you wouldn’t like it. Factories everywhere, the forests 

getting cut down. All you can do to keep a few paths open. Hard life for a traveler.” 

I sighed a full cow sigh. “So the mills won.” 

“Sorry.” 

“Now I’m crying again, damn it all.” 

“Don’t! Hey, that’s another bit of good news for you. No mills here. They have 

lots of amazing weavers in the city.” 

My head was spinning. I couldn’t go home, I was in the past, I could get a job, I 

could even get a job as a weaver! Being a cow for a few days was nothing to that. As 

long as it was just a few days, of course. 

Lucy stepped onto the gazebo. “Mr. Terrence, don’t think I don’t recognize you in 

bird form! I hope you haven’t been spinning stories for this poor girl.” She turned to me. 

“At least you’ve someone to talk to now. But don’t trust him, he’s a rapscallion through

and through.” 

“She’s right, I’m afraid,” Terrence said. 

“Ha! Lord knows what that squawk was about,” said Lucy. “But you can stay and 

talk to our nameless girl for now. She’ll be wanting the company. And in a few days, our 

barn will want sweeping, I am sure. Don’t you forget that.” 

Still in a daze, I knelt down and Lucy hopped onto my back. 

“Speaking of barns, we ought be getting back,” Lucy said, pointing down the road. 

Thinking of the guardsmen, I stopped. 

“How are you doing” Terrence asked. 

“Oh, marvelously, really, just dizzy from hope!” I said. “You can’t imagine. And 

that was two pieces of good news to the one.” 

Terrence coughed. “Um, no. I hadn’t finished with explaining things. Hey, let Mrs. 

Stevens down, would you There’s something else you should know.” 

Lucy got off me of her own accord. “Miss What is going on” 

I laughed. “See She does that miss thing, too. I wonder how she’ll react when I 

turn into a man” 

“She won’t,” said Terrence. 

I kept laughing. I was in the best mood that I had been in since, well, since forever. 

“Right you are. I lost my breeches when I changed, best not do it in front of her. Her 

husband might have some words for us!” 

Lucy was feeling my forehead with concern. “Miss, do you need to lie down a bit 

I can wait. I'm the one who gets to ride, after all.” She gave me a pat. 

“Best take her up on that,” said Terrence. 

“Fine,” I said, settling on the grass. I swished my tail about. Knowing that this was 

not permanent made it almost amusing. “So, I got it, don’t change in front of the 

missus.” 

“More like Mr. Stevens. Ned, you should know, what happened to you is not 

unheard of. Magic is kind of random.” 

Unless a wizard enchants you, I thought, but didn’t say so. “How so, random” 

“Well, say you’re around a dairy farm. More cows there, right” 

“Right, cows at a dairy farm,” I said, enjoying the sun on my fur. “So, I got turned 

into a cow. Makes sense, but why make me stop for that” 

“Cows are female.” 

Despite it all, I winced. “I know. Next time, I hope I’m a bull.” 

“Doesn’t work that way. The change happens once, and it forever affects you the 

same way. I’m always a magpie, you see.” 

I nodded. “So, I’ll always be a cow when the fog comes, is what you’re saying. I’ll 

live. I think I still want to stay here. You have no idea how much running a loom means 

to me.” 

“Good to hear that mate. But you aren’t thinking this through, probably don’t want 

to. Can’t blame you, but I’m going to tell you because someone should.” 

I jerked my head up to look at him. He was on the grass, his black eyes level with 

mine. 

“Tell me what” 

“Ever heard of a male cow” 

“That’s a bull.”

“You’re not a bull.” 

“Damn me, I know that!” 

“You’re a girl.” 

“Cow,” I said testily. 

“And when the fog comes back, you’ll be a human.” 

“A man.” 

“The other sort of human.” 

I should have been more shocked. But Terrence was right. In the back of my mind, 

I'd had suspicions. I just hadn’t wanted to think about it. 

“But...isn’t there something I can do” 

Terrence shrugged. “Get fitted for a dress or two, I guess.” 

Cows could faint, I discovered.

CHAPTER FOUR 

“There,” Lucy’s voice said. “I think I saw her eyes flicker. Mr. Terrence, I swear, I 

ought wring your neck. Lord only knows what you told her.” 

“Only the truth,” Terrence replied. 

Disoriented, I tried rolling to my hands and feet, which reminded me that I had 

hooves now. Slowly opening my eyes, I could see Terrence perched in front of me in a 

patch of sugary smelling clover. 

“Are you all right” he asked. 

I licked my lips. “Wouldn’t mind a spot of that clover.” 

He obligingly stepped sideways and I started nibbling. My head started to clear, and 

I remembered what Terrence had just said before I swooned. 

“I can’t believe it,” I said. “It’s not right.” 

“What isn’t right” Terrence asked. 

“What on earth do you think A day ago, I was a man with a trade!” 

Lucy hugged me. “There, there, miss. Stomach trouble or some such We’ll get 

you home soon.” 

“I expect she’s right, we should get going,” Terrence said. “Dark is coming soon. 

Maybe even the fog. Either tonight or tomorrow.” 

“Dark already” 

“You were out for a bit. Lucy said you no doubt needed the rest.” 

I laughed. “She’s right. But I’m better now. I mean, awake. The rest of my life, 

that seems to be destroyed.” 

“I’m here to talk to, if you want. Told you, I’m good at keeping secrets.” 

Lucy spoke up. “If you are well enough, may I get on your back” 

As she clambered onto my back, I weighed my options. I still wasn’t sure about the 

guardsmen and Jeremiah. What if they were waiting back at the farm Then again, if the 

fog came, they’d be animals, wouldn’t they Unless they were bears or some such, it 

would probably be hard for them to arrest a cow. Then I could still escape later on. 

As a woman, a voice in the back of my mind said. I tried to ignore it. Terrence 

might be wrong, after all. I was enchanted by a wizard, not by the fog like everyone else 

was. Besides, even if I did become a woman, at least I’d be human. I’d take that over 

being milked. 

I wondered what a woman’s life was like. I thought I should know, but really, it was 

a mystery. Cooked and cleaned, I was sure. But I had been doing that for myself at the 

cottage. Surely, there had to be more to it than that. There must be some secret feminine 

knowledge that mothers passed to their daughters, things that I had no idea must be done. 

Or perhaps they really were just like men, simply doing what needed to be done, working 

things out as they muddled along through life. 

You’ll find out soon enough, the little voice said. 

First things first, I had to find a convenient set of bushes before we started our 

journey, then find some water to wash that clover down with. I explained the gist of this

to Terrence. 

“Got to pee, huh” he said. “I tell you, being a bird has its advantages. You just go 

wherever. No one says a thing. But cow pats, yeah, the roads get messy enough as it is.” 

“Can we avoid an extended discussion on the subject” 

“Snippy little thing, aren’t you Ah, guess you got reasons.” 

“I’d say so! Anyway, I’m dying of thirst, too.” 

“Well, there is a stream nearby, but that’s where I ran into the fog.” 

“I’m already a cow. I won’t change again, will I” 

He shook his head. “Sorry, I explained that already. You’re stuck with cow. I’m 

thinking of Mrs. Stevens, you see. Most folk prefer to be ready for the change, especially 

if they’re bigger animals. No sense in splitting a good set of clothes, not to mention the 

need to bank the home fires.” 

I almost agreed with him, then I realized that even if Lucy found out that I was an 

escaped criminal, she couldn’t do anything about it as a horse. That left Jeremiah, and 

any guardsmen at the cottage, but I could think that one through in a bit. 

“I’m sorry,” I said, “but I am about to pass out with thirst. Is there any way you 

could let Lucy know” 

He pecked at his feathers. “I’ll try finding a mud patch to scratch on,” he said. “I 

seem to recall that she can read. Mind you, it’s as hard as anything to do, like trying to 

write with a pencil held in your mouth. But it’s worth a try, I suppose.” 

Terrence flew in front of Lucy a few times to get her attention, then fluttered down 

on the side of the road. 

“COw s TTlRstY,” he wrote. 

Lucy dismounted and peered at the words. “Hmmm. I think it might be easier just 

to wait until the fog! What do you mean, cow tlisty” 

Terrence shook his head, then found a mud puddle and drank from it. 

“Ugh,” I said. “Who knows what’s in that puddle” 

Terrence shrugged and drank some more. “I eat worms, too. And you chew cud. 

The change affects what you like, in case you haven’t noticed.” 

“Wet” asked Lucy. “Oh! She’s thirsty.” She clapped her hands. “Terrence, what 

is her name I’m sick to death of referring to her as ‘the cow’”. 

“Don’t tell her!” I shouted. 

“Easy, easy, secret’s safe with me,” Terrence said. “No real good female version of 

Ned, is there” 

“Do I have to have a girl’s name” 

“I know, you could tell them your parents really wanted a boy. Yeah, that’ll fool 

them.” 

I sighed. “Fine.” 

“Right, give me a name. Susan” 

“Absolutely not!” 

“Trixie, Ginger, Jade, Rainbow, Brandy” he said, waving his wings about. 

“What kinds of names are those” 

“Oh, just girls I’ve known. You probably want a name like one of my old grans, 

eh” 

“I’m not old.” 

“Pick a bloody name then.”

Lucy wagged a finger in front of Terrence’s beak. “I can tell you’re spinning some 

tale or another. Haven’t time for that. Let’s get whatever-her-name-is a drink, then be 

off.” 

“You realize,” I said, “I still have to find that set of bushes.” Suddenly 

uncomfortably full, I started prancing from leg to leg. 

“No problem, Mary,” Terrence said, sketching the name on the ground. 

“Mary” I said. 

“Good name. Was my mother's,” said Terrence. 

“Pleased to meet you, Mary,” said Lucy, smiling. “Now, let’s find some water for 

you.” 

“I don’t know,” I said. “It just sounds awfully feminine.” 

“Most women’s names do,” said Terrence. 

Ignoring him, I made my dash for the side of the road and blessed relief. It occurred 

to me that as a cow, I still relieved myself standing up. For some reason, this made me 

laugh hysterically. 

“Glad to see you’re in a good mood,” Terrence said from a branch over my head. 

“Now, care to go out for a drink” 

“Ack!” I said, backing up. “I didn’t come over here so you could stare at me!” 

Terrence rotated upside down on the branch. “Good to see you’re already picking 

up feminine modesty, but I assure you, I’ve seen naked cows before.” 

“Look here,” I said, “I’m just trying to retain some shred of human dignity. Can you 

understand that” 

He bobbed his head. “More than you know. We all get that at first. You know how 

things started around here” 

“A giant laid a curse down, I heard. Why” 

“What you might not have heard was that it was a few years before the wizard came 

round. I understand by then, some had become animals in their own mind. Smart 

animals, mind you, but no interest in being human again. Those that kept their minds did 

it by keeping their human ways. Like you. Don’t just crap in the road, set out a dinner as 

best as you can, church on Sundays, dances on Friday night.” 

I had to laugh again. “Cow dances” 

“Why not I’ve met a few lady birds, we’ve gone for moonlit flights. I take them 

out to dinner and everything.” 

“Worms over candlelight” 

“Nah, fruit and some fine, plump beetles, a cup of wine on the side. I’m classy.” 

“For a traveler.” 

He hopped down onto my back. “Truth to be told, I do better with the girls when 

I’m a bird. Spring’s always good for that sort of thing. Like I said, people act differently 

when they’re animals. The hair comes down a bit. Anyway, Mrs. Steven’s gone ahead. 

Follow me.” 

We headed across a wide meadow strewn with wildflowers. I couldn’t help myself, 

and grabbed a few as a snack. “Terrence” I said. “As long as we’re being direct here, 

what do you mean by spring being good for ‘that sort of thing’” 

“Hey, you’re an adult. Aren’t you” 

“I’m thirty, so yes.” I swallowed the last of the flowers. “You mean, you...” 

“Shag a few willing girls I’m not married, mate. Nor am I ever likely to. Don’t

hold a gun to the girls’ heads, either. Don’t give me your Victorian disapproval.” 

“My what” 

“I mean, times are different here than yours. More like mine, really. Boys and girls 

get together, sometimes marry, sometimes not, have a good romp regardless.” 

I thought of Susan and the hayloft. “My times weren’t that different, either. But you 

said you, I mean as a bird...” 

“Oh, that,” he said. “Well, beggars can’t be choosers, you know. Like I said, I’m a 

handsomer bird than man. Sounds strange, but I don’t like bugs when I’m human, either. 

When you change, tastes change. In more than one way. You’ll see, I’m sure.” 

“I do seem to like eating grass.” 

Terrance looked as if he was about to say something when he was cut off by a 

distant shout from Lucy. 

“Hell and tarnation!” Her voice sounded odd somehow. 

“Come on, kiddo,” said Terrence, darting off in her direction. I galloped as best as I 

could after. 

Lucy was kneeling down by the bank of a clear, bubbling stream in a shady copse. 

A light mist off the water filled the area, blanketing the ground around her. She was 

digging through her bag, tossing various items on the ground. 

“Aha, I knew I had paper and pencil in here,” she said, again with a strange lilt to 

her voice. She started scribbling madly. 

I walked up to her. I noticed she smelled different, although I couldn’t quite place 

the scent. I was still getting used to my new senses. 

“Best step back, Mary,” said Terrence, emphasizing the name more than I thought 

necessary. 

“Hell!” said Lucy, dropping the pencil. She whinnied. Just then I placed her new 

scent as horselike. Her hair fell out of its bun and I could see she had pointed ears. 

Lucy picked up the pencil with her left hand and finished writing. Biting her lip, she 

leaned against me and slowly stood up, breathing slowly. 

“Wish I could ask you for help with this, Mary,” she said, gasping. She undid her 

overskirt and let it fall, then shucked off her jacket and blouse. She had no sooner gotten 

down to her chemise when she fell away from me onto her hands and knees. The ground 

fog swept over her body, and she nickered loudly. 

It was as if her body was suddenly so much quaking pudding, reshaping itself like 

clay on a potter’s wheel. The fur didn’t sprout on her, so much as it slowly solidified. 

Her neck arched gracefully as she rapidly grew, then stood on four legs. Shaking like a 

wet dog, she backed out of her chemise and burst corset, revealing a chestnut brown pony 

with a long golden mane. 

Lucy pranced her legs for a few seconds, turning to face me. She dipped her head 

and said, “Pleased to finally speak to you, Mary!” in a melodious series of horse noises. 

I returned the head dip. “Pleased to meet you, too. I mean, we have already, but you 

know what I mean.” 

Lucy nodded. “It must have been terrible for you.” She winced. 

“Is everything well” I asked. 

“I think I bruised a rib, popping my corset like that. My hands were getting clumsy, 

couldn’t unhook in time. I tried to keep the change off for a bit, but once it’s started, it’s 

going to happen no matter what. But you can slow it if you feel it coming on. It’s hard to

explain.” 

“Hey, welcome back to the world of the handless, Mrs. Stevens!” said Terrence. “So 

what was that you were writing down” 

“Thank you, I think, Mr. Terrence. That’s a note for the Mr. Lily. The fog’s coming 

early, and he should know. And you’ve got the right of it. I’m on four hooves.” 

“Want me to fly it over to him” he squawked, pecking at her discarded clothes. 

“Pray leave my knickers alone, you silly bird!” Lucy said, stamping a hoof. 

“Looking for string,” he said. “Aha! Don't mind me borrowing this lace, do you 

With a bit of work, I can probably tie that note up. I’ve practiced with my feet, gotten 

good at it.” 

“No doubt,” said Lucy. “Mary, this fellow is the original artful dodger. Don’t let his 

charming tongue fool you for one minute.” 

“Begging your pardon, ma’am,” said Terrence, “but is that any way to talk to a bloke 

who’s about to do you a favor” 

Lucy started nudging her clothing away from the stream. “I’m sorry, you have me 

there. I’m just concerned, is all. Mr. Stevens needs to get the farm ready, too. But most 

importantly, you need to get Mary here back to Mr. Lily’s.” 

“Oh, of course,” said Terrence. 

“Me” I said. I admit that once again I was completely bewildered. I was beginning 

to become used to being a cow who chatted with magpies. Or at least I didn’t stagger 

around being frightened by my tail. But seeing such obvious magic as a girl melting into 

the form of a pony was still a bit much for me. 

Terrence and Lucy were nodding in agreement. “You have to go back for the boy,” 

said Lucy. 

“William” I said, then remembered. “Oh, that’s right.” I sipped some water, trying 

to decide how I felt about being a bovine nursemaid, realizing that my feelings on the 

matter didn’t really matter. Then it occurred to me that it was the perfect excuse to avoid 

going back to the farmhouse and any suspicious guardsmen. 

“I’m terribly sorry, Mary,” said Lucy. “What an awful host I am, foisting this on you 

immediately. And you just arrived, first time as an animal. I remember how it was for 

me the first time.” It was strange to see a pony look apologetic, but she managed to 

convey the expression. In fact, all her manners and even way of standing seemed the 

same, simply translated to a horse’s body. She was even toeing the ground whilst she 

talked, just as she did as a human. 

“It’s fine,” I said. “We should return to Mr. Lily's estate, then.” 

“I’ll come visit just as soon as the fog settles in,” said Lucy. “Really, not many 

chores one can do with hooves.” 

“You could pull a plow,” said Terrence, earning him a dirty look from Lucy. 

Terrence finished tying a loose knot around Lucy’s note and dragged it up into the 

air, settling on my back. 

“We’ll get there soon enough if you trot,” he said. “Sorry, I’m just not a carrier 

pigeon.” 

“Do give that to Mr. Lily,” said Lucy. “If Jeremiah finishes at our place, I’ll bring 

him over. Take care of Miss Mary, too, please.” She rubbed her head against my flank, 

bobbed a quick bow, then cantered off towards the main road. 

“Giddyup,” said Terrence.

“I’m not the fastest,” I said. “And let me get a drink first. All this hullabaloo, and 

I’m still thirsty.” 

“I think the fog is probably just confined to this glade,” Terrence said. “I’ve heard 

of places like that, where the magic never completely goes away.” 

“Not very consistent, this magic.” I finished drinking, then set to folding Lucy’s 

discarded clothing as best as I could, given my hooves. The dress fabric was homespun 

with hand embroidery, I noted with satisfaction. I found myself liking Lucy even more. 

“Yep, not consistent at all! I don’t think anyone, even the wizard, completely 

understands it.” said Terrence. He walked over to my shoulder and watched me fuss at 

the dress. “I’d just put her clothes over there,” he said. “See where mine are in this little 

hollow” 

“Don’t want them to get damp. Cotton swells with the damp, and it can muck your 

weave awfully.” 

“You’re the expert, I guess.” 

“Weaving’s the one thing I know. Unlike everything else in the world, where I’m a 

hopeless fool.” 

“Don’t start crying on me again,” said Terrence. “You don’t strike me as much of a 

fool.” 

“Look at me!” I said. “I mean, fool enough to try to eat off a dying trade, 

impoverishing myself to the point I couldn’t marry.” 

Terrence opened his beak as if to speak, then closed it. 

I continued, “Then, one foolish scheme after another in the course of an evening 

leads me here, and I get turned into a cow for my efforts. I suppose it’s a fitting end to an 

absurd life.” 

“Hey, don’t talk like that,” Terrence said. “Your life isn’t over. You’re just a cow, 

that’s all. Anyway, even if that bothers you, you’ll be human enough soon.” 

“A woman, you mean.” 

“Last I checked, they’re people. Just better looking. Big deal.” 

“Easy for you to say.” 

Terrence preened himself for a while before responding. “I guess in your time, 

women were just baby factories, huh” 

“No, it’s not like that at all. I mean, a man isn’t complete without--” I broke off. 

“Without marrying whoever it was you had your eye on, is that it” 

I felt myself flushing. I wondered if he could tell. “Yes. One of my many failures. 

No wonder I’m cursed like this. I was a failure as a man.” 

Terrence pecked me hard on the back. “I told you, stop that kind of talk. And like I 

keep telling you, changes are random, or at least out of your control.” 

“I won’t argue that, yes.” 

“Look, you’re not the first person to change like this. It happens more than people 

will admit, and it doesn’t have anything to do with them ‘failing as a man’, or as a 

woman for that matter. You don’t hear about it because people are polite and don’t bring 

the subject up. Heck, move to a different part of the kingdom, and no one even knows.” 

“You sound as if you know someone else this happened to.” 

He trilled absently. “People talk to me. But I keep my lips sealed. And beak for 

that matter.” 

“That’s fine.” I started walking towards the house.

“I mean,” Terrance said as we got out to the road. “I know a shoemaker who used to 

be a woman, ended up being a guy.” 

“I thought you kept secrets.” 

“Didn’t tell you his name. Besides, I knew him when he was a her. Wanted to open 

a shop in town, so she settled in, bought stall space and stock. Two weeks later, fog rolls 

in, she’s singing baritone.” 

“Wait a half,” I said. “She was a lady shoemaker before the fog” 

“It’s strong magic, can teach you to fly. But it can’t teach you to make shoes.” 

“That’s not the point, she was a woman with a trade. No wonder she turned into a 

man.” 

“Oh yeah, women didn’t have jobs back in the old days. Your days, I mean. But I 

doubt that had anything to do with it.” 

“It’s everything to do with it!” I said. 

“How long have you been here One day And now you’re an expert on magic 

Did they even have magic where you come from” 

“Not like this, no,” I said. “And maybe not at all. I never found a charm that 

worked for me, as you might guess. But you yourself said the curse made things fit. A 

person near a dairy becomes a cow, as might a useless fellow who is incapable of 

supporting a family. And a woman who learnt a trade and could support others is 

therefore as good as a man, and might become one.” 

Terrence laughed. “As good as a man That’s a pretty high opinion of the sex that 

started most of the wars in history.” 

“You forget Helen of Troy.” 

“That was just men fighting over Helen. Anyway, lots of women have trades, here. 

Mind you, they still seem to get stuck with raising the kids, but when you live above the 

shop like people do here, why not help at the till” 

“By trade, you mean alewives, embroidery, that sort of thing” 

“Almost everything except the fighting, and some of them are even in the guard.” 

“Weavers” 

“Thought you might be thinking of that. I’ll be honest, haven’t met a woman 

weaver yet. Doesn’t mean there aren’t any out there. You don’t know until you try, 

right” 

“You’ve the right of it,” I admitted. “Time to stop being lazy.” 

“Or, you can just find some rich guy and settle down.” 

I turned to glare at him. “I don’t think so.” 

Terrence clacked his beak. “Just teasing you, girl. Need to knock some of that sad 

sack stuffing out of you. Mind you, I’m half serious. You’re going to have to deal with 

that sooner or later. That shoemaker I know, he’s married with a kid on the way.” 

“You jest. He was a woman!” 

“Operative word is ‘was’. Men, well, most men, like girls. And he didn’t want for 

company in his single days, let me tell you. I think it’s the fact he was a good listener and 

did all that romantic stuff chicks dig.” 

“Like a plate of fat beetles and a cup of wine” 

Terrence laughed. “Touche! But, naw, he’s a deer. Veggie stir fry. But I hear he’s a 

good cook, too.” 

Terrence explained what a “stir fry” was, which only served to make my stomach, or

stomachs, growl with hunger. Somehow a plate full of steaming carrots and squash 

sounded wonderful. On the other hand, I couldn’t even bring myself to imagine gammon 

steak, which used to be my favorite Sunday dinner. Tastes change, that little voice of 

reason said. He might be right about other things, as well. But I no more wanted to think 

of that then I wanted to think of steak and kidney pie. 

It was getting onto dark when we arrived back at the Lilys’. Mr. Lily had read 

Lucy’s note without comment, then showed us around to the back stables and laid out 

some hay and dried vegetables for dinner. He set a small fire in the hearth, gruffly bid us 

a good night, then left. 

I made myself a bed of hay and curled up to go to sleep. Terrence was still pacing 

about the rafters. 

“Regular Chatty Cathy, that one,” said Terrence. 

“He’s been through a lot. Poor man.” 

“Poor Mrs. Lily, you mean. She’s the one who died. Why’s he acting so damned 

glum” 

I raised my head to look at him. “You have an affection for telling others what they 

ought to feel, don’t you Have you ever lost a wife” 

“No. My mother died when I was little. Almost don't remember her. But I lost all 

of my family when I came here and couldn’t get back.” 

“You were married” 

“No, I mean my father, and a couple of aunts I was close to. That sort of thing. No 

doubt they think their damn fool hippie child got lost and died of exposure.” 

“I’m sorry, Terrence. I lost my mother early, too. She died given birth to my sister, 

who didn't survive the winter. Then consumption took my father a decade back. I hadn't 

any other relatives. I didn’t have anyone to leave behind.” 

He flapped down to perch on the mantelshelf above my head. “See That’s what I 

mean. Everyone’s got pain in life. Mr. Lily, now, he acts like he’s the only one who’s 

ever suffered. Before you say anything, I’ll admit there’s no love lost between us. Never 

liked me around the grounds. But that’s not the point. He’s got that kid to take care of 

and he didn’t get the boy a nurse until just now. And hell, it wasn’t even his idea. Lily 

needs to stop sulking and start taking care of that kid. It’s been, what, five months now” 

I realized I wasn’t going to get any sleep anytime soon. “I don’t know. I just got 

here, remember” 

“Well, she died just before Christmas, so yeah, five months about.” 

“How did she die” 

“A fall, or so they say. People don’t do autopsies hereabouts. And what would the 

point be” 

“Autopsies” 

“Cutting up the body to find cause of death,” he said. 

“That’s awful!” 

Terrence flapped his wings diffidently. “The body’s dead, what does it matter” 

“Still, one ought have respect for the departed.” 

“I say, respecting them means moving on with life. Just like you need to get over 

***

some things.” He hopped over to look me in the eye. 

“Again with the ‘wise beggarman.’ If you’re so wise, why are you a vagabond 

tinker” I regretted saying that immediately, but he was raising my ire. 

“Maybe that’s the wise thing for me, huh Unlike you, I don’t have any real job 

skills for this time.” 

“Ha!” I said, still feeling vicious. “Useless like me. It’s a wonder you didn’t turn 

into a woman, too.” 

He glared at me. “Yeah. It’s a wonder. Are you trying to get me mad I’ve been 

trying to help you, you know.” 

“I’m sorry. You have been a help.” I felt my eyes growing moist again. “It’s all a 

bit much, is all. And you aren’t useless, not at all.” 

“Nor are you,” he said, rubbing his head against my cheek. “I bet you’re 

tremendously talented. You were just living in the wrong time, is all.” 

“Well, I’m in this time now.” 

“Right! You’ll be able to whip up the next Bayeux Tapestry.” 

“That’s embroidery.” 

“You know what I mean.” 

I laughed. “Embroidery is woman’s work. Maybe I’ll have to learn that, too. Now 

that you mention it, the story has it that the Bayeux was made by nuns. I could always 

join a convent.” 

“Are you serious” 

“No. I’m making a joke. But, not a bad place for an unmarriageable woman.” I 

laid back down and closed my eyes, hoping he’d get the hint. 

Terrence whistled a vague tune. 

“What song is that” I asked. 

“Just a song. Anyway, if I were you, I’d wait until spring is over before making any 

life decisions.” 

“What do you mean by that” 

He did his bird shrug. “You just got here is all. What else would I mean” 

I opened my eyes again, but he was nested back in the rafters, looking very much as 

if he was sleeping.

CHAPTER FIVE 

My full udder woke me up. It wasn’t quite up there with a full bladder with its 

urgency, but it was uncomfortable and bloated nonetheless. It was the one thing that kept 

reminding me that I was a cow. I mean to say, the rest of me was beyond strange as well. 

But I think I could have shunted my awareness of my body away, were it not for a big 

swollen up part of me that kept calling attention to itself. It didn’t help that it kept 

swinging around my hind legs when I walked, either. 

Other than that, my new form wasn’t completely unpleasant. My fur seemed to keep 

me warm enough at night, and the feed tasted well enough. It had been a good feeling to 

go to sleep with a full belly for the first time in ages. I even was beginning to like my 

tail. Unlike my udder, it felt natural somehow. Walking outside into the crisp morning 

light, I amused myself by swinging it about. I found that I could control it when I wanted 

to, but it moved of its own accord when I wasn’t paying attention, rather like breathing. 

And, not having hands, it was nice to have a way of shooing off the occasional fly. 

I realized that Terrence was right. Things could be worse. I could have been hung 

as a highwayman. Truthfully, given my clear incompetence at the job, I probably would 

have been caught, or simply shot in a robbery gone wrong. My heart really hadn’t been 

in it, for all my romantic notions of being the dashingly dark sigh of all the girls. 

Of course, now I’d be one of those girls, if Terrence was to be believed. It made a 

sort of sense. I already was female, after all. I just had been ignoring that fact. When 

one had hooves instead of hands, certain other details had seemed the least of my worries. 

But I suspected that those details would matter more once I was back to being human. 

Well, there was nothing for it, I decided as I wandered around the Mr. Lily's garden, 

sniffing at flowers. No doubt the wizard could restore me to my old self, but I couldn’t 

for the life of me think of any way I could convince him to. Considering I had held him 

up at gunpoint, I really couldn’t blame him at all. Not that I was feeling so guilty that I 

would turn myself over to the guardsmen, of course. There was only so much milking I 

could stand. 

I wandered around for an hour or so, getting used to my body. I decided I liked 

flicking my ears, and I discovered how to scratch myself with my rear legs. On the other 

hand, I really missed my old mouth, as shoving my muzzle into the stream was a 

singularly drippy way of quenching my thirst. Still, one could dry off on the grass, so I’d 

live. Realizing that it would only be another few days made it easier. If I’d thought it 

would be a year, I might have been more upset. 

I was contemplating taking a swim in the stream when I saw Mrs. Armstrong 

clamber over a nearby berm. 

“There you are!” she said. “Well, can’t suppose that you’d stay in your stall like the 

cows at our farm. I’m ready to milk you, if you want.” 

Reminded again of the pressure down there, I nodded vigorously, and trotted after 

her. 

“I’ve brought William along,” Mrs. Armstrong said, holding the bundled baby up to

my face. Two eyes peered out at me. “There she is!” she said to the child. “Breakfast 

lunch and dinner.” She patted me. “I think the sooner he becomes accustomed to you the 

better. No doubt you’ve noticed, but when one is an animal, smell becomes everything. 

Lord knows, my two back home can scent me in the dark when I’m a bitch. So, I’m 

thinking that if William here gets a big whiff of you now, he won’t be skittish when he’s a 

calf.” 

I stared at the boy, trying to imagine him suckling at my teats. I couldn’t get a clear 

image, but there was something about him that made me want to lick him. I actually had 

to consciously hold my tongue back. It wasn’t as if he smelled like food, but there was a 

different sort of scent to him, equally familiar. In many ways, my new senses were 

stranger than having a tail. 

“Don’t look so nervous!” Mrs. Armstrong said, chuckling. “Every new mother does 

it, and we all live. I know, I know, being an animal is strange, but it will all come 

naturally. But for now, let’s get you milked. You’re probably full up by now. Don’t 

worry, it’s actually better when you’ve a child to feed. They aren’t as lazy as milk maids 

are, so you don’t have to wait for the morning. Though you might wish he would, at 

times!” 

Back at the barn, Mrs. Armstrong set to milking. She was rougher than Lucy was, 

but I seemed to be tough enough down there. For her part, she seemed to agree and 

patted me in what I felt was entirely too familiar a fashion. 

“You seem in fair good shape, shouldn’t have any trouble at all. Looks like nice rich 

milk, too, just what the doctor ordered for the boy. With him, you might need to offer 

yourself to him periodically. He’s a shy one, and sometimes needs a bit of 

encouragement Not like mine back at home at all, greedy little things. Still, from what 

I’ve seen, when they’ve four legs, they just walk up and set to. Hope that’s the case, 

because you won’t be able to reach down and guide him. Ah, speaking of which...do you 

mind if I take care of the lad now” 

I was feeling better, so nodded. Mrs. Armstrong unlatched her bodice with not so 

much as a never you mind and gave her breast to the boy. After some cooing and 

encouragement, he latched on and began to suck. 

“See Not hard at all, girl. Just make sure he’s got all the nipple in his mouth. Even 

without teeth, it can hurt if he gets you where it’s tender.” 

She then went on to regale me with all the details of how nursing could go wrong. I 

had no idea that it was so blessed complicated, and despite Mrs. Armstrong’s airy 

assurances, I was getting nervous. I might be new to having an udder, but I didn’t fancy 

contracting any of the ailments she listed. Apparently she could tell. 

“Ah, you’re acting skittish again. Look here, I can tell you’ll be fine. You remind 

me nothing so much as his own dam, and she was a sturdy woman. Good looking, too, 

mind you, just not in that frail gentlewoman way. Good solid bones, wide hips, didn't tire 

easily. She could carry her boy in her arms all day, and often did. Truly a natural mother, 

that one." She pursed her lips. "Ah, it was such a shame, what happened. But never 

mind that. Just remember to keep feeding him. It’ll keep things from getting painful on 

your end. I’ll try to be back as soon as the fog lifts, so you won’t have to deal with the 

boy too much when you’re back in human form. Then I can help you with the nursing.” 

I shot her a glance. 

“What’s that look for Can’t just stop, after all. Told you, it hurts if you do. You’ll

need a few days of slowing down before you stop. No different for women than cows. 

Don’t worry, I’m not trying to lose my nursemaid job, if that’s what you’re worried 

about. I’m happy to help the mister. Lord knows he’s been through a lot.” 

A sudden, not particularly pleasant aroma filled the air, and Mrs. Armstrong then 

found she needed to continue my female education with a short demonstration of how to 

change a soiled diaper clot. 

“Haven’t seen this before” she asked. 

I forced myself to approach and shook my head. 

“Only daughter, eh Still, your mum ought have sent you on to another household 

to learn the basics.” 

I mooed sadly. 

“Oh, no mum, I’m sorry, pet. I’d lay a switch on your father, then, for not attending 

to your education. I hope you can sew, at least.” 

I nodded. 

“Ha! Needed someone to darn his socks, no doubt. See They pay attention to 

things when it suits them, and ignore the obvious when it doesn’t.” She snorted, thus 

dismissing all things male and foolish. I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised that 

women felt men were as addlebrained as men thought women were. 

Mrs. Armstrong tossed the soiled linens in a sack, then excused herself to go off and 

wash. 

“I might have to finish you this afternoon, dearie. Just make yourself at home. No 

munching on the vegetables, if you please. They’re still new.” 

I nodded. It was spring, after all. No fresh vegetables yet. I wondered where the 

cabbages had come from, then shrugged inwardly. If a man could turn into a cow, fresh 

cabbages in spring didn’t seem too much more to accept. 

There was no question that the fog was coming. I was out wandering about, 

munching on grass and deep in thought when I saw it first pour out of the nearby forest. 

It wasn’t the wispy stuff of Terrence’s hollow at all. It started out as a thick white blanket 

pouring across the pasture, covering the spring flowers like a stream coursing over rocks. 

I was debating whether or not it would be a good idea for me to be exposed to it again 

when it suddenly sprang from the ground where I was standing and wrapped itself around 

me, blinding me for a moment with whiteness. 

It felt just like when the wizard had transformed me, but more powerful somehow. 

I didn’t shift in shape, but it was as if the fog was streaming through me, patting 

everything into place, filling my mind with visions of animals before settling on a cow in 

a pasture. Wild, fresh scents filled my nose and my ears heard a distant lowing. 

Then as quickly as the feeling came, the visions ceased and the fog slid off me, 

tumbling in a great, slow moving wave towards the household. I was left trembling and 

filled with nervous energy. Every square inch of my body felt sensitive, and I was 

suddenly and forcefully aware of being a beast standing in the middle of a field. I had to 

fight the urge to suddenly bolt and stampede towards the woods. I didn’t care for the 

strangeness of the fog at all, and all I could think of was to get away from it. 

Despite myself, I was trotting backwards and lowing nervously when, I had a mental 

***

image of William, or specifically his smell. Worry about him stopped me short and I tried 

to calm myself down. The boy needed me. I started trotting towards the house, where I 

could hear shouts in both human and animal voices. 

I was at full gallop when I came up into the garden proper. Unable stop myself in 

time, I stumbled into one of the herb gardens. My hooves sank into soft loam and I fell 

over, smashing some trellises. 

“Here now, look what you’ve done!” a high pitched chirping voice said. I looked 

sideways and saw a squirrel running across the dirt at me. Despite its pitch, my mind 

registered the voice as male, and clearly angry. 

“I’m sorry,” I said. “The fog...” My head was clearing, leaving me with only the 

usual feeling of embarrassment. 

“Comes every month, you fool girl. That’s all it took to panic you” He clicked his 

teeth, sitting up and stroking his whiskers. “Well, I’ve work to do, then.” 

“I’ll help; it’s all my fault.” I found that I was crying again. “Lord God, I am 

stupid.” 

The squirrel’s expression may have softened. “Ah, well, you are no doubt. But 

you’ll be no good here, except for smashing my garden up more. You just come round 

later and I’ll put you to work then. Where do you work, anyway New scullery maid” 

“New at everything,” I said, rolling onto my belly. “I just wandered into your land a 

few days back. And now I’m a cow.” 

“Oh-ho,” the squirrel said. “That puts a different perspective on things. Wait--I 

think I’d heard the young boy’s got a new nurse. Is that you” 

“It seems to be all I’m good for,” I admitted. “At least for the fog. We get to be 

people again after that, correct” 

The squirrel chittered. “Every time so far. Mind you, I go back a ways to the first 

curse. Spent a couple of years like this, would you believe I’ll take the way things are 

now over thinking I would be spending my remaining days hiding acorns. But first time, 

eh Well, I can see how you’re spooked by it. Welcome, then. Master Sorenson, the 

head gardener around here.” He did a little bow and flourish with his front paws. 

“Sorry about this, Mr. Sorenson. I will clean up, honestly I will.” 

“We’ll talk about that later...I’m sorry, what was your name, girl” 

Might as well get used to it, I decided. “Mary. Mary Hasting.” I swallowed. It 

might seem like a little thing, but there, lying in the garden mud, it was as if I had said 

goodbye to ever being “Ned” again. I started crying again, lowing fitfully. Ned hadn’t 

been much of a man, really, more the subject of fun then anything else. But it was who I 

was, at least up to this point. Not that I was any more competent as Mary, at least so far. 

“There, there,” said Mr. Sorenson. “Stop the whimpering. It will all be better in a 

couple of days.” 

I nodded, standing up and shaking the dirt off. 

“There you are,” said Terrence, swooping down onto my back. “Been looking all 

over for you. Miz Armstrong told me to fetch you, the boy’s on hoof now.” 

“Best go tend to him, Mary,” said Mr. Sorenson. 

I thanked him, and headed out, trying not to tramp the garden anymore. Terrence 

kept up his scold. 

“I thought I was supposed to be your fearless guide and all that How am I 

supposed to keep you out of trouble if you go wandering off without me”

“I spent the morning with Mrs. Armstrong,” I said. 

“Doing what” 

“Getting milked, if you must know.” 

“It took you all morning to get milked” 

I snorted angrily, the tears gone. “This isn’t exactly easy for me! Since you’re so 

keen to know, she spent a few hours discussing child care and nursing. All sorts of things 

man was never meant to know.” 

“Sheesh. Men can change diapers,” said Terrence. “At least they did in my day. 

You’re going to be a real pill about this girl thing, aren’t you" He clacked his beak 

thoughtfully. "Hey, I wonder. Maybe you’re having cow PMS or something like that. 

You were a lot less grouchy when I first met you.” 

“PMS” 

“Sorry, a term from my time. Um, women have some times they are more snappish 

than others.” 

“Perhaps when men ask questions they have no business asking” 

“Ha!” said Terrence, “You tell them, sister!” 

“Please,” I said with a deep sigh. 

“On the other hand, could be the fog. People get animal instincts when it comes, 

don’t tell me you don’t feel that. And bulls are quick to anger. Maybe cows are the same 

way.” 

“Care to discover if that is true” 

Terrence was quiet as I tramped along the garden path towards the main house. As I 

was circling it, looking for an open door, he spoke up again. 

“Mary Don’t mind me calling you that, do you” 

“No. It’s fine. Some already know me as that.” 

“That’s what I was about to say. People only know you as that, see And the odds 

are, you’re going to be a young woman.” 

“We know this,” I said. “I honestly begin to think you’re taking some sort of delight 

in seeing me so discomfited.” 

“You’re wrong there,” he said. “Old Terry might be a bum, but he’s not mean. And 

I want to see you do okay around here.” 

“So I can help you later Is that what you have in mind” 

“No! See, there you go, being all suspicious. Cool it, okay I admit, we haven’t 

known each other that long, but we’re similar in some ways.” 

“I had a trade, thank you very much.” 

Terrence flew off my back and landed on a nearby railing. He stared right at me, his 

black eyes glinting. “I am ignoring that, like I’m ignoring a lot of your crankiness. 

You’ve been through a lot, and I don’t think you realize yet how things are going to be 

harder in a way when everyone is back to being human.” 

“You mean, having to wear a dress I can figure that out. Can’t be worse than being 

a cow. I’ll have hands.” 

Terrence scratched at the railing. “What you said just a bit ago. People will only 

know you as Mary. So, you’re making first impressions, got it In some ways, it’s easier 

for a girl, people will be more likely to take you in. The Stevens, for example. But in 

these times, well, I guess in your times too, women are expected to be nicer.” 

“Maybe we are nicer.”

Terrence cocked his head to the side. “Heh. Maybe you will adapt. But what I 

mean is, you can’t just snap at everyone, or you’ll lose any chance you have at being 

welcome. And a girl can’t just pack her bags and head into town, looking for work.” 

“I could get a job in service.” 

“You mean as a maid Really Any good at that I bet you wouldn’t last any 

longer than I would as a footman. Nah, we’re two of a kind, me girl. It’s just that people 

don’t put up with a shiftless man.” 

“I’m not shiftless!” 

He nodded. “No, I’m being unfair. You’re right. I bet you worked damned hard at 

that loom of yours. But unless someone gives you a loom, I’m guessing you don’t have 

much in the way of job skills.” 

I slumped my head, butting it against the rail Terrence was on. “No. None to speak 

of. I am going to be dependent on the local folk, aren’t I” 

“So be nice!” 

I nodded. 

“Hey,” he said, pecking me behind the ear, “if you need to, come visit old Terrence 

and vent. I’ve always got a ready shoulder to cry on. Especially if you turn out pretty.” 

Mindful of his advice, I said nothing. 

It turned out that no one was actually in the house anymore. Later, people explained 

things to me, but I should have thought of it myself. Whether a horse is really a person or 

not, hooves don’t go particularly well with the wood floors of the better houses. Even the 

smaller animals need to ensure that they can get out of their bedrooms, else face an 

annoying hour or so of leaping hopefully for the window or door latch. 

In the time just before the fog would roll in, the men and women would retire to the 

well kept barns I’d seen before, and strip down to loose, open shifts. The chickens, ducks 

and other small wildlife would sit in the upper lofts for the most part. Mind you, no one 

would plan on stepping on anyone else, but as I’d discovered, the time during and right 

after the change was bewildering. Even someone who had passed through many fog 

times still might shy instinctually. 

While this fog seemed to be coming in somewhat early, everyone had still had more 

than enough time to prepare and had set out all the food and supplies, banked the fires, 

and in general made ready for a few days without hands. Later, I would notice that there 

were few knobs or delicate latches in the household, and most bins had leather straps on 

the side to facilitate moving and opening them with a mouth. 

So, around the back barn, animals who had recently been people were milling about 

and chatting. I hadn’t realized how large a household Mr. Lily maintained, but now I 

could count a few dogs, two horses, one nanny goat, a small flock of chickens and a cat 

grooming himself on top of the roof. No doubt there were a few more, I realized. 

I felt suddenly shy, as if I was standing at the doorway to a masquerade ball I wasn’t 

sure I was invited to. Everyone seemed to be in a jolly enough mood. As I slowly 

approached, I heard the goat regaling the group with a story of a billy from the farm 

down the road who had been pressing his affections on her. 

“’Not with this crick in my back,’ I told the damn fool,” she said, then turned to face 

me. “Oh-ho, look who we have here. It’s our mystery girl.” 

I tried my best at a bow, trying to find my voice. “Hello, everyone.” 

“I’m Ingrid,” said the goat. “I’m the nanny, but so are you, I hear.” Everyone

seemed jovial enough to laugh at this. There was a flurry of introductions with names 

that fell out of my head as soon as I heard them. 

“Yes ma’am, I’m supposed to care for Mr. Lily’s son, if that’s what you mean.” 

“You got a name” asked the goat. “We’ve done given you ours. Or are you too 

good for that” 

“Hey now, Ingrid, be kind to the girl,” interrupted one of the horses. “She’s just 

making fun, young lady,” he said to me, “don’t mind her ways.” 

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” I said. “I’m Mary Hasting. This is all new to me, please 

forgive me.” 

“There you go,” said Terrence in my ear. He hopped up onto my head. “And I’m 

Terrence the tinker.” 

“Ha!” said the goat. “Should have known you’d be a magpie during the fog.” 

“Hey, I yam what I yam, and that’s all that I yam,” said Terrence. “We don’t get a 

choice in things.” 

“Sounds like fog time philosophy to me,” said a basset hound, raising his head up 

off the ground. “Seems I can’t go an hour as a dog without someone cornering me and 

talking about the whys and wherefores of magic.” 

“Just saying that our boy Terrence makes a lovely magpie,” said Ingrid. “Tinker 

before he came here, likes to collect things (in whatever fashion), so he’s a bird that does 

those things. Philip here ran the stables, no surprise he’s a horse.” 

“And you’re a goat, what are we to make of that” said Terrence. 

“Oh, take a wild guess, bird brain,” Ingrid said. 

“You hate bathing” 

“Tchah! If I could, I’d butt a civil tongue into that beak of yours.” She looked at 

me. “Just trying to explain things to you, Mary. Let me take a guess, you were a milk 

maid” 

“No, ma’am. I was a weaver,” I said. “Helped my father with the weaving business, 

I mean. I know my way around a loom.” 

“Oh Well, that’s a bit harder to find work for, but my cap is off to you for the skill. 

But the fog is a strange thing, it has its notions. Sometimes it just seems to like a good 

joke. Mayhap, you’ve been pining after a cousin’s child, and now, you find yourself 

equipped to take care of one yourself.” 

“Ingrid!” said Philip, my horse defender. “Good Lord, woman. Could you possibly 

try to make the girl feel more comfortable You remember what things were like the first 

time, don’t you” 

The goat nodded. “Couldn’t pick my nose for months. I hardly knew what to do.” 

I realized my jaw was open. Mind you, I had heard plain talk before, and wasn’t 

above a rude joke or two. But coming from someone whose voice sounded like an old 

auntie was a shock. 

“Don’t worry, girl,” she said to me, “just find a tree to scratch it on.” 

“We’ve a nice banked fire inside,” said Philip quickly. He pressed his body against 

mine, guiding me away from the small gathering. “Even a bit of brandy, though we try to 

nurse it through the next few days. Still, I suppose you deserve a firkin. Need, perhaps.” 

I thanked him, wondering how much brandy a cow needed to feel tipsy. He nudged 

the barn door open for me. I was instantly aware of William’s smell. It was as clear, if 

not clearer, than if I had seen the boy again. It was like his smell earlier today, but

stronger, and of course, more like a cow. 

“Are you well, Miss Mary” asked Philip. 

Terrence flew over my head into the barn. 

“Hey, the kid’s here,” Terrence squawked. 

“Just fine,” I said. “As I said, still getting used to things.” 

A pudgy sheep dog trotted towards me from the back of the barn. “Hello, Mary!” 

she yipped. “This is me, Miz Armstrong. I’ll go get the boy.” 

I started to follow her, taking in the main room of the barn. It had a low, banked 

fire, with a few shovels with wide handles around it. Around the hearth was dirt with a 

few blankets arranged about. There were some elaborately carved small drinking troughs 

of various sizes, smelling strongly of beer. Philip had gone to the side of the main room, 

where there were bales of hay and a few bushel baskets. He knocked over a cask and 

rolled it towards me with his hooves. 

“Our libations,” he said. “We get good at broaching these with hooves. Funnier 

than anything to watch a half-snookered rooster try to break into one, though.” 

The rear of the room had swinging doors leading to stalls much like the one I had 

stayed in the last night. Mrs. Armstrong guided a young brown and white calf into the 

main room. 

I admit, my heart instantly went out to the creature. He had the widest brown eyes 

I'd ever seen, and his muzzle was twitching. He seemed still a touch unsteady on his 

knobby little legs, but with a few encouraging pushes from Mrs. Armstrong, he made his 

way across the room to me on my own. 

“I’ll be outside,” said Philip. “Terrence, too.” 

“Huh” said Terrence. 

Mrs. Armstrong growled at him. 

“Oh, yeah,” he said. “Bond away.” He flew out the rafter window. Outside I could 

hear everyone launching into something that resembled a song. It wasn’t terribly on 

pitch, but then again, chickens and horses aren’t known for their singing ability. 

“There you go,” Mrs. Armstrong woofed encouragingly. 

William stared at me, his ears quivering. I couldn’t help it; I leaned over and licked 

the little fellow on the head, then rubbed my head against his side. As I said before, it 

just seemed like the thing to do. As bizarre as the notion of nursing him had seemed 

earlier, this just felt right. And he really did look like skin and bones, the poor lad. 

I turned towards him and felt him nuzzling aimlessly for a bit, then he latched on. 

He had teeth as a calf, I noticed. But Mrs. Armstrong was right, I was tough enough 

there. Frankly, he was more gentle than she had been with the milking. 

“There you go,” Mrs. Armstrong said. “Picture of happiness, he is. Now, mine at 

home need my attention, I’m afraid. Nearly weaned and completely capable of tearing 

the place up, especially as pups. I really do miss my old Sunday shoes. I’ll try to come 

by tomorrow. But in the meantime, just stay with him. He should be hungry every few 

hours, but might want a snack between. Do what you can to encourage that. And don’t 

forget to eat, yourself. You’re providing for two, you need remember.” 

I looked away from William, who was still suckling away. “Um. Yes, ma’am. Will 

do all that.” 

Mrs. Armstrong sat up on her haunches and licked the side of my face. “You’ll do 

fine, Mary. Don’t worry. I know this is all so sudden for you, but you’re doing the boy a

great service. All of us.” 

With that, she trotted away out the door. I turned my attention back to William. I 

listened to the mad barnyard song outside as inside the fire crackled. It was a long 

moment, where I began to lose sense of time, just lost in a muzzy dream of growing 

feelings of protectiveness mixed with a diminishing sense of the absurd. 

I must have nodded off, because the next day found me curled up on the floor, with 

William nuzzling me pointedly. I pulled myself to my feet, or hooves, and he set about 

his morning breakfast. I was hungry, but decided to let him finish first. I could already 

tell that being a substitute mother was going to be a fair amount of work. But, Lord, he 

was cute. When he finished, he just stared at me with his wide brown eyes and wiped his 

muzzle on my side. I’d always liked animals, perhaps because I didn’t have to care for 

them myself. But underneath the fuzzy fur this was a person, a small person who needed 

help. Just like me, I thought. We were both lost souls, really. 

I found myself grooming his fur with my tongue. He wiggled impatiently, but 

seemed to accept it. 

“Well, child, my turn to fill the belly,” I said, poking around the remains of the hay 

bales. The others seemed to have tucked in already before starting their day. I really 

must have slept in. 

He gave a high pitched moo and followed me, prancing around me as I munched 

away. The morning breeze shifted, and filled the barn with the smell of fresh mown hay 

and something else. I twitched my nose, trying to focus on the new scent. It was 

animalistic, earthy and very near. For some reason, it made my pulse quicken. 

William bleated and turned around a few times before pressing himself against me 

tightly. 

The door creaked open with the breeze, and I could see a large, reddish brown bull 

staring at us from underneath the shade of a nearby tree. He had short, curved horns, and 

his stocky body wrinkled with the muscles beneath his coat. But mostly, I noticed his 

scent, which wrapped itself around my mind. He smelled powerful, and it made me gasp 

with a sort of indescribable hunger. 

Nosing William forward, I walked towards him. His deep brown eyes reminded me 

of William’s, and in a way, his scent did as well. But where William was fragile, here I 

felt like the delicate one. As a cow, I felt large, but the bull was half again my size. 

He snorted, and tilted his head down at me almost imperceptibly. 

“Mary, isn’t it” he said in a basso profundo voice that somehow managed to sound 

exactly like Mr. Lily’s human voice to my ears. “The boy, he’s taken to you” 

“Yes. Yes, sir.” I didn’t know cows could stammer, but I was. “He seems a very 

sweet child.” 

He didn’t say anything, but looked us both up and down. I found myself staring 

back at him, my pulse still racing. I felt frightened, but I wasn’t sure why. Then I 

realized something that shook me. I found him amazingly handsome, from his strength to 

his well formed legs, to...I shook my head as I found my thoughts wandering in strange 

directions. 

“I’d best be going,” he said suddenly in the silence. “If you need anything, ask the 

***

help. You can stay with them.” 

“Not where I spent the first night, then Isn’t that where the boy stayed before” 

“No!” he bellowed. “That’s my quarters. Don’t presume!” 

Frightened, I stepped backward. William bleated in fear and ran behind me. “No, 

no, sir. I mean, he’s your son, that’s all I meant.” 

Breathing heavily, Mr. Lily stepped towards me, lowering his head to look me in the 

eye. 

“All you meant You’re here to feed my son. That’s all.” 

I licked my lips. I could feel William poking his head through my legs. He was 

trembling. 

“You’re frightening that son of yours, sir!” I said. “Poor thing, look at him. Fine if 

you don’t find me suitable for the ‘upstairs’ barn, but I’ll thank you to hold your tongue 

around him at least!” My heart was still beating quickly, but the fear had been replaced 

with anger. It felt better. 

Mr. Lily ducked his head, leveling his horns at me for a moment, then just as quickly 

stood up straight. 

“I beg your pardon, miss,” he said. I could see his nostrils flare. “I don’t know what 

came over me. You are right, of course, my son deserves better than the servant’s 

quarters. I’ll find another area to sleep.” 

“I didn’t mean--“ 

“I know!” he bellowed again. William buried his head against my udder. “I’m 

sorry, we can speak again in a few days.” He flashed his teeth. “When we’re all feeling 

more human.” 

He turned and headed for the distant forest. Despite trying not to look, I glanced at 

his muscular hindquarters as he loped away. He was fully aroused. 

I walked off in a daze, William tagging along with me. Good Lord, I was an idiot. 

Yes, my world had been shaken to its core, but I needed to keep my head about me. 

Getting into an argument with the local yeoman was not the best thing a new arrival in 

the area could do. I was going to be dependent on the locals for help, at least at first. 

Terrence was right, I’d better mind my manners. 

I found that I was still shaking from the experience. Truthfully, he had frightened 

me. Mr. Lily was powerful enough looking as a man, but as a bull, he was downright 

frightening. No farmer had ever trimmed those horns of his. Something about him made 

me feel weak and skittish. 

To be fair to myself, he had taken to anger quickly. But he was still a new widower, 

and here I was, taking his wife’s place. Mrs. Anderson had mentioned that he’d always 

left when she’d been caring for William. It must be hard on Mr. Lily. He probably didn’t 

want anyone around at all. But someone had to take care of his son. I nuzzled the boy 

along, thinking about that. He was a sweet tempered calf, all knock-kneed and wide 

eyed. I smiled to myself. As strange as my situation was, at least I was being of some 

help here. The babe certainly was evoking my protective instincts. 

That was it, I decided. It was the fact that I was reminding him of his wife. No 

wonder he’d been upset when I’d spoken about staying in the other barn. That was her 

place, after all. I’d just asked to share the man’s bedroom! And with that thought, I felt 

myself flush. Perhaps that’s why he’d reacted to me in other ways, too. Yet another thing 

to put him off temper.

So, yes, I’d well and thoroughly made a complete mess of things. Hell. But then 

again, if I proved myself useful, perhaps I wouldn’t be turned out onto the street. Or 

turned over to the guard for that matter. I had almost forgotten about that. Yet another 

thing to keep worried about. 

I paced around a while more, until William seemed to want to take a nap. We curled 

up together on a green hill overlooking the farmlands. My vision as a cow was less than 

perfect, but I could make out the distant castle, poking out above a blanket of mist that 

seemed to go as far as the eye could see. The farm proper seemed to be at least ten miles 

out of town, and was surrounded by a thick green forest, with frequent copses of trees 

scattered about like the one Lucy had been transformed in. Behind me, the forest went 

for another few miles before rolling away at what looked like the edge of a cliff. Beyond 

that, I could see nothing but clouds. It was hard to tell, but it seemed very much like we 

were perched on some high plateau. 

I turned my attention to the estate proper. Mr. Lily didn’t seem to be poor, assuming 

all this land was his. The main house was no palace, but it looked to have at least ten 

rooms, and the gardens I had been wandering around earlier sprawled their way 

completely around the house. And judging by the number of people I had met earlier, he 

had almost a score of servants and hired help. No, not a man to displease, not at all. 

William nursed for a while more, then finally seemed to want to sleep. I put my 

head on his, and listened to him breath slowly and easily. His scent seemed comforting, 

and soon I found myself nodding off along with him.

CHAPTER SIX 

I woke again to cold mist blowing across the hilltop. William was curled up next 

to me, pressing himself against my belly, well and fast asleep. Terrence was perched on a 

nearby low hanging branch, staring at us. 

“Morning, or should I say, afternoon,” he said. “You two look cute together, you 

know that” 

“How long have you been there” I asked him, my eyes still working their way 

open. 

“No idea. I’ve been napping, too.” 

“Not much else to do, I suppose,” I said. “Lucy had mentioned something about 

reading, but I’m not so prepared.” 

“People find ways to entertain themselves. If it weren’t misting so hard, I might be 

off flying now. Horses like to go for a run, dogs go wandering around sniffing at things. 

You get the idea. If nothing else, it’s time off from work.” 

“Not for me,” I said. “I’ve fallen right into the job of wet nurse.” 

“Hey, could be worse. You don’t have to change his nappy.” 

“You’re right. He’s not that hard to take care of, really. It’s just all so strange. I feel 

as if I should be revolted or something. But I don’t feel that way at all.” 

Terrence flapped his wings, spraying a fine mist. I noticed I was damp, too. But the 

fur coat seemed to keep me from being too chilled. Wouldn’t have minded being drier, or 

course. I licked William’s head, feeling envious. He had me to snuggle against and stay 

warm. Me, well, I had my coat and not much else. 

“Nah. You’re adjusting,” said Terrence. “People do, really fast. At least most of 

them. A few go nuts, of course. But you sound like you’ve already been through a lot 

before you got here.” 

“I have. My life was over.” 

Terrence cocked his head sidewise at me. “Please don’t talk like that. But anyway, 

you’re a cow, so of course you won’t feel revolted by cow things. That includes taking 

care of calves.” 

“Not that I have any choice,” I pointed out. “I wasn’t going to let the boy starve.” 

“Don’t worry, you’ll be human soon enough. I can see bits of the fog thinning down 

there already. Not sure exactly how it works, but I’m told it’s the magics the wizard set 

up pushing back the original curse. So long as you’re in the area, you’ll turn back. So 

don’t wander too far, okay” 

“What happens if I do” 

“The villages off the plateau never get the fog, you see. So, you wander off, you’ll 

be stuck as a cow. Happened to me once, spent the month as a bird.” He shrugged. “Not 

a big deal, but I suddenly realized that any hawk probably wasn’t a person, and would 

undoubtedly think of me as lunch. You wouldn’t have to worry about that, but if you 

weren’t careful, who knows You might get some enterprising farmer who decided that 

you’d do just fine on his dairy farm.”

“Dairy farm” 

“Sure. That’s where regular cows work. Not all of them can weave, you know.” 

“There’s dairy farms where the cows used to be people” 

“Huh No, that’s not what I said, sheesh. Just making a joke.” 

“But, if I were off the plateau this land is on, I wouldn’t change back” 

“Yeah, that’s what I said. That’s when you’d have to look up some milk maid and 

see if she’d give you a job.” 

I chewed the grass in front of me. It all made sense now. That’s where they sent 

criminals. Lucy had mentioned the low prices from the Royal Dairies. No wonder the 

local Crown kept it a secret. I wasn’t sure I’d feel up to buttering my morning toast, 

either. 

“Hey, joke, joke, joke,” said Terrence. “Didn’t you hear me the first time” 

“Where is everyone” I asked. “I wandered around with William here for an hour 

and didn’t see a soul.” 

“Told you, keeping themselves entertained.” 

“Wouldn’t mind joining them, myself. I can see taking care of this one will make 

for a lot of downtime.” 

“The Stevens might come down,” said Terrence. “They usually do on the second 

day. They’re good friends with Philip and Amy, that’s the two horses you met earlier.” 

“Do people always befriend others who are the same animals I mean, horses hang 

about with horses, birds with birds, that sort of thing” 

“I hang out with you. And I’m no bull.” 

I decided to get up and stretch. William stirred slowly at my feet. 

“No,” I said slowly, “no, you’re not a bull. And we’re friends.” 

“That’s what I’m saying. But now that you mention it, folks of the same type do 

stick close. Guess it’s just conversational. I mean, I doubt you’d be interested in what I 

had to say about flying.” 

“No! Actually, quite envious. I’d have rather been a bird than a cow.” 

“Would have been that boy’s loss, though. And you might not have gotten taken in 

so readily. Not by Mr. Lily, at least.” 

“We’ll see about that,” I said, starting to walk down the hill. The mist was 

threatening to turn into a soft drizzle. Coat or not, I wanted inside. 

“What do you mean, we’ll see” asked Terrence, landing on his usual spot behind 

my head. 

As I waited for William to catch up, I sighed. “I made a right mess of it this 

afternoon. Got into an argument with him.” 

“What” Terrence squawked. 

“Don’t even remember what started it. I think it was me asking about where I was 

going to sleep. I mean, I’d spent the first night in the other barn.” 

“You asked him if you could sleep there” Terrence said. 

“I wasn’t thinking, no. But the boy might find it more to his taste. That’s all.” 

Terrence clicked his beak without speaking for a while. 

“Terrence” I said. 

“Nothing, don’t worry about it,” he said. “But is he still mad at you” 

“I’m not sure. I think having a cow here is hard on him. I mean, that’s what his 

wife was, after all.”

Terrence clicked his beak again. “Yeah. Yeah she was. And here’s the thing. You 

look almost exactly like her. I don’t know my cow breeds, but you’re the same color, 

build. Heck, you’re even petite like she was.” 

“Petite” I laughed, startling William. 

“For a cow. Did you notice how much bigger Mr. Lily is compared to you” 

I swallowed, remembering him so close, his scent drenching me. “Yes. He’s huge.” 

“Yeah, he is. When he’s a person, too. So, maybe you should watch the arguments.” 

“I know. He doesn’t need me reminding him of his wife. I was being provocative, 

without even realizing it.” 

“Provocative” 

“I mean, bothering him so much. About a little thing like where to sleep.” 

“That’s not such a little thing.” He tittered. 

I stopped and glared at him. “Christ’s blood, that’s not what I meant, and you 

damned well know it.” 

“Language, young lady!” 

“This from the one who was asking me to be nice, earlier. Turnabout is fair play, 

and all that” William bleated fearfully, and consoled himself with a snack. 

“Maybe. Or maybe I’m just trying to keep you out of trouble.” 

I tried to calm myself. No sense in getting William upset, too. I truly felt angry, 

though. I could even feel my blood coursing. 

“What do you mean by that” I said, as calmly as I could. 

“You’re trembling.” 

“I’m upset.” 

“By what” 

I breathed slowly. “You’re insinuating that I’d let him bed me.” 

Terrence flapped off my back and landed on a privet bush. He poked around a bit 

then grabbed something and swallowed. “Mmmmmm....ladybug. Lip smacking good. 

Funny how I never liked them before.” 

“I know what you’re trying to say,” I said. “But that’s far more than my sudden taste 

for grass.” 

“Yeah So, you’ve always maintained a clear head Never gotten drunk Never 

said anything to a girl you later regretted” 

“That’s my business, not yours. Unlike you, I don’t boast about my springtime 

exploits.” 

“Me” Terrence managed an innocent look. “When did I do that” 

“You were the one telling me about how lady birds are more tractable this time of 

year.” 

“Yeah. Thanks for reminding me of what I’m missing, sitting here talking to you.” 

“You weren’t jesting” 

“Not about that, no.” He pecked at his feathers. “It’s like my taste for ladybugs. 

Nothing wrong with it. We’re birds. We do bird things.” 

“You mean, even that But...it must be bizarre. What does it...” 

“Hey, you want me to tell you everything Grant me some privacy, okay But sure, 

it’s weird. All sex is weird. Even human sex. We spend a good bit of our time 

wondering how we can get our clothes off, roll about on top of each other, sweating and 

making noise. That’s why porno flicks are always good for a laugh. It’s all ridiculous, if

you aren’t interested yourself.” 

“And you are.” 

“Only if they’ve got feathers. I know this lady magpie down the way, you see. Her 

husband’s a robin.” 

“Oh, terrific. You’re sleeping with a married woman.” 

“I’m not married. And she’s not that interested in her husband when she’s a bird. 

Not when she’s human, either, come to think of it.” 

“Married couples tend to be the same animals” 

“It’s how it works, usually. Sometimes, a dedicated couple will change species 

even.” 

I jerked my head up. 

“No,” he said. “I know what you’re thinking. Boys stay boys and girls, girls. I 

imagine if a couple of poofs or dykes were to stay together, that might change. But I 

wouldn’t know.” 

“Poofs Dykes” 

“You know, girl on girl action. Wouldn’t know anything about it, other than those 

porno flicks I mentioned. But I think they were acting. Anyway, now that I think about 

it, don’t know any queers around here. Course, this is all historical, not exactly London 

in my time.” 

“Sodomites were over running London” 

“I think since the dawn of time, yeah. But, hey, someone who likes boys should 

keep her judgments to herself, don’t you think” 

“I don’t like boys! Not that way. Good Lord, that’s perverted.” I wondered if I 

could toss the little wretch off my shoulders. 

“Pardon the phrase, but bullshit. You’re female. And it’s spring. And you’re just 

mad at me because I’m telling you something you’re trying to ignore.” 

“I’ll thank you to leave my personal thoughts out of it.” 

“Says someone who wondered how birds get it on.” 

“You’re getting William upset,” I said hotly. It was true. The little fellow was 

tucked between my legs, his tail swinging rapidly in fear. 

“I am You’re the one bellowing. And I’m doing you a favor. Stay away from Mr. 

Lily, okay” 

“What’s wrong with him He seems like a gentleman.” 

“Yeah. They all do. And here you are, all in a flutter when I mention his name. 

Seen it before. Women like him, at least at first.” 

“First thing, I’m not a woman.” 

“A cow, then. And he’s a bull. So, be honest with yourself, or it will sneak up, hit 

you over the head and you’ll let something happen that you’d clearly regret.” 

“You think I have no control over myself” 

“Got you!” Terrence said triumphantly. “See, you admit there is something to 

control. Look, everyone feels this in the spring. We’re animals, even if we’ve got the 

mind of a human. Let me tell you, come winter, there will be a bunch of kids born 

around these parts. Don’t let one of them be yours.” 

“You really think that I’d couple with someone I just met” 

“No movies for him to take you to first. Look, I’m sorry, I’m just being straight up. 

I’m not a Victorian like you. I lived in the era of free love.”

“You were a libertine Well, that explains much.” 

“Maybe my time was just more honest than yours. Sorry that your great great great 

grandkids will disappoint you so.” 

“I never had any children,” I said, my anger fading into sadness. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Me neither. And none that I know of these days. But maybe 

someday, for us both, eh” 

“What Be a mother” 

“Looks like you’ve a good start on the being a mom thing. Kid adores you, I can see 

that. So, you’ll do fine. Just don’t leap into things. Find some nice guy, not just the first 

bull you meet.” 

“I assure you, it won’t be a problem.” 

“You say that now.” 

“Goodness gracious, he’s darling!” Lucy squealed as she trotted into the barn. It had 

been a rainy day, and I was more than glad for the company. I’d been looking forward to 

her visit, but quite obviously, she wasn’t going to get herself soaked just to see me. But a 

few minutes ago, Nina the goat had run by to tell me that the Stevens were visiting. 

“Isn’t he, though” I said, nudging William forward to see her. It was the third day 

of the fog, and I had gotten quite used to talking animals and the notion of caring for a 

calf. I’d even become good at knowing just when William’s turned down ears meant that 

I’d best get him outside. But I’d spent the last few minutes grooming him, and he looked 

nice and glossy. 

William sniffed Lucy without fear, but then stumbled back to stand by me. 

“I admit,” I said, “a few days ago, I would never have thought that I’d feel so 

protective of a calf.” 

Lucy smiled a broad toothed pony smile. “One becomes accustomed to things so 

very quickly, doesn’t one But that’s not a calf like you’ve known. He’s people, you 

know. So, you’re just taking care of a baby. Ain’t nothing so strange about that.” 

“I suppose not,” I said. 

Lucy giggled. “You know, I can hear your accent! You sound so posh!” 

I blinked. “I do I’m from Manchester.” 

“Well, you sound just like a lady to me, even when you’re mooing.” 

She was right. It was strange, but if I’d overheard her whinnies without seeing her, 

I’d have still been able to identify her as Lucy. It was as if the voice was the same, just 

expressed differently. 

“I’m really no lady,” I said, being truthful in more than one way. “Just in trade, is 

all. I couldn’t even afford servants.” 

“Well, that’s two of us,” Lucy said, tagging William's hooves with her own. He 

bleated and started tagging back. “Who’s a pretty baby Who’s a pretty baby” She 

looked up at me. “Oh, sorry.” 

I laughed. “It’s fine! He likes you. He’s only had me to play with. Terrence comes 

by, but birds don’t seem to interest him.” 

“None of the others have been helping” 

“No. They’re all off on their own. And I stay here in the Mr. Lily’s barn. They 

***

don’t come up here.” 

“Where is Mr. L anyways” she said, going to the door and looking out. The rain 

had gone, but the thick mist remained, making the main house just barely visible through 

streamers of fog. 

“I haven’t seen him much, not since the first day.” 

“No Well, Jeremiah will find him soon enough. But he’s staying elsewhere.” 

“Yes, he’s staying elsewhere!” 

She snorted a horse laugh. “Now, now, didn’t mean it like that.” 

“I get enough of that from Terrence, sorry. He’s said some pointed things.” 

She shook her head. “That tinker. Well, Terrence’s a good man, but he’s lazier than 

a cat in the sun, and coarser than a handyman who just hit his thumb with his hammer. 

Try not to mind him too much.” 

“I told you, I’m not a lady. I’ve heard plain speech before.” 

“I’d bet a silver dollar that ladies speak plain when they’re amongst themselves, just 

like all womenfolk do,” Lucy said. “Just some of us don’t have the luxury of putting on 

airs. Don’t know how’d my Jeremiah would react if I started fanning myself and 

fluttering my eyes!” 

I giggled. 

“Lord, did you just giggle” Lucy said. “Funny sound in a cow, but that’s how I 

heard it.” 

“I think I did,” I said, wondering if I was going to start fluttering my eyes, too. Was 

I picking up the manners of a woman I had to admit, I had the manners of a cow at the 

moment. 

“Funny,” Lucy said thoughtfully, “Mrs. L never laughed that much. Mind you, she 

smiled like anything. But I always could sense something about her.” 

“Something sad” 

“Yes, no doubt something in her past. She was an immigrant like us, but never 

really talked about it much. Suppose I always just figured her for having left a family 

behind. Didn’t want to pry. But now, I’ll never know. My fault for not being on better 

terms with her.” 

“You could ask Mr. Lily. I mean to say, if you’re really that curious. He might like 

to talk about her.” 

“To a girl like me I doubt it. To be honest, he never really talks about her at all, 

anymore. Gets this pained look when even approaching the subject, like when we asked 

him about you coming here to help.” 

“He doesn’t want me here, does he” I said. 

“Don’t be silly! What makes you say that” 

“We got into a bit of an argument right off, and since then he hasn’t said a word to 

me, not at all.” I looked out the barn window towards the garden. I could see Mr. Lily 

walking the forest edge with a small horse alongside him. “There he is now. With your 

husband, I’m guessing. But that’s the first I’ve seen of him today.” 

“He’s a busy man, Mary. You think he has nothing but time to sit down and chat 

with you Now, me on the other hand...” She smiled. 

“I am so glad you did come.” 

“I had to! All that one way blather from me. You needed a chance to talk back, after 

all. You must have been full sick of me.”

“Not at all,” I said, watching William tentatively shove his nose outside. “It 

probably kept me from going mad. I thought that perhaps I had gone mad. But I decided 

to take everything as I see it.” 

“A sound policy, I think,” she said. “But everyone feels that way. At least I had a 

couple of weeks with the locals telling me what would happen. Mind you, we couldn’t 

believe that Oregon had a place like this in it!” 

“What happened” 

“Oh, we were homesteaders, you know. Two oxen and a wagon of supplies. 

Weren’t no land back home, not that wasn’t owned by someone else. So we came here.” 

“Never got your land, did you I mean, who owns this” 

Lucy grinned. “Mr. Lily owns most of this area. But it was getting too much for 

him to run, even with help. Help costs, you know. So we bought a few acres from him. I 

got my plot and a house to call my own anyways. Not a bad trade for hooves, really.” 

“So, that’s why you stayed You weren’t afraid of the fog” 

“I was. Who wouldn’t be But maybe I only half believed it. And I got on well 

enough with Mrs. Lily. I sometimes think she was the one who talked the mister into 

selling.” 

“She sounds like a good woman.” 

“She was, more’s the pity. Hey, you’d better watch that boy!” 

“I’m trying, I really am.” 

“I mean now!” She turned about. William had wandered into the main courtyard 

and was experimentally gnawing on a fence post. 

“Damn it all,” I said. Lucy didn’t seem to hear, as she was galloping at full speed 

towards the boy. He looked up and lowed sharply, teetering away on his spindly legs. 

Not for the first time, I cursed my ungainly form as I tried a trot towards the boy. 

“William, stop!” I cried. 

Lucy was nudging William away from the post with her body when he bolted. His 

legs flew in every which direction as he charged up the garden path and through a flower 

bed. 

Every time I started to get close, he would dart off in a different direction, leaving 

me to try to waddle my way through the narrow hedgerows. Lucy was far faster than I, 

but William seemed to have a knack for diving to the ground as she got closer. 

Then it all suddenly ended when he bumped his head against a low table covered 

with flower pots and gardening equipment. He and it crashed to the ground. I could hear 

him starting to cry. 

“Oh, good Lord!” Lucy yelled, then kicked the table off him. “Is he okay” 

I knelt down next to William, who kept crying as I licked him. He had a long, 

shallow cut on his front leg. Nothing serious, but it obviously hurt. And judging by the 

dirt on his head, one of the pots had cracked open on it. My stomach turned with guilt. 

“What is going on here” screeched a squirrel’s voice. I turned to see Mr. Simmons 

glaring at us, his tail sticking stiffly out. 

“The boy, sir--” 

“Got into my garden! Look at this! Aren’t you supposed to be watching him 

Judging by the mess here, it looks like you two girls stampeded through the main bed!” 

“We’ll help clean up,” Lucy said quickly. “I’ll come back after the fog. Mary was 

just trying to keep the boy from getting into mischief is all.”

Mr. Simmons ran back and forth over the remains of the table. “Doesn’t appear that 

she did a very good job of that, now, does it Lord have mercy, when I get done telling 

the mister about this.” 

“Please don’t, sir,” I said, trying to sound as timid as I could. It wasn’t hard. “I 

really am new to all of this. Even running is hard for me. The boy just got away from 

me. I promise, I promise, it won’t happen again. Just don’t tell Mr. Lily.” 

“Tell me what” Mr. Lily bellowed from some yards downwind. I cursed my bad 

vision. 

I tried to compose myself, but started shivering. Mr. Lily approached with Jeremiah 

a few feet behind. 

“Your nurse let your son run loose in my garden!” said Mr. Simmons, scurrying 

along the top of the hedgerow towards Mr. Lily. “Look at this mess. Did you check any 

of her references at all” 

“No,” Mr. Lily said. “Not at all.” He chewed some cud, staring at me. 

I couldn’t meet his gaze, and turned back to William to finish cleaning his wound. 

“I gave you my recommendation, if you recall,” said Jeremiah. “Come on, Michael, 

children get loose.” 

“She’s supposed to be protecting him!” Mr. Lilly roared. “Look at that, the boy’s 

hurt.” 

“I’m sorry, sir,” I managed, still not looking at him. “He just got loose. I know it’s 

my fault. But he’s not too badly injured. We kept trying to catch him, but--” 

“What about my garden” interrupted Mr. Simmons. “She’s run through it twice 

now!” 

“The devil take you and your damned garden!” said Mr. Lily. “This wouldn’t have 

happened if you hadn’t left everything laying out when the fog came.” 

“I was working,” Mr. Simmons said. “And how was I to expect the boy to get 

loose He’s only a few months old.” 

“Calves walk straightaway,” said Jeremiah. “But he’s right, it’s probably not 

something everyone would think of. If they’ve not been an animal before, that is.” 

I looked up at Jeremiah, who gave me a slow wink. 

“It’s really my fault,” Lucy said quickly. “I’d left the door open and distracted her. 

The boy was sleeping, then got up before we could move. Lord, he’s a fast one, sir! 

Strong as his father, that’s for certain.” 

Mr. Lily snorted softly. “Well, let’s have a look. How injured is he” 

William had stopped whimpering and curled up next to me. I pushed him up to 

standing with my head. He managed to stay upright, albeit with his usual wobbles. 

“He seems to have escaped harm,” Mr. Lily said. 

“Michael,” said Jeremiah, “ain’t my place to tell another how to raise his son--“ 

“But you’re going to anyway” 

Jeremiah laughed. “Yep. I mean, don’t know about you, but I grew up with my 

share of scrapes. Part of being a boy. Can’t expect them to grow up, sitting inside at the 

hearth.” 

“He’s less than a year old!” 

Jeremiah tossed his head. “And he’ll go back to being swaddled and coddled by 

tomorrow, I expect. Does look like the fog’s starting to part. But right now, he can walk. 

Shoot, can’t blame the boy for wanting to have a run, considering he’s going back to

crawling in just a bit.” 

Mr. Lily nodded. He leaned over me to look at William. “Hey boy,” he said. 

“Feeling better” 

William tentatively leaned forward, putting his nose up to Mr. Lily. He briefly 

wagged his tail. 

“There you go,” said Lucy. “There’s your pa.” 

Mr. Lily smiled. “You’re right. I suppose I was just used to him not having any 

spirit.” 

“Proper feeding,” said Lucy. “You should see the two together, sir. The boy’s really 

taken to Mary.” 

“Has he” Mr. Lily turned around to face me, pushing me back a few feet. “Well, 

just keep a better eye on him, will you” 

“And she’ll clean up later, yes” said Mr. Simmons from the top of a trellis. 

“I will, I promise,” I said. With that, the squirrel ran off. 

“I should take William back to the barn,” I said. “He’ll probably want to sleep 

soon.” 

“I’ll go with you,” said Mr. Lily. 

“You will” I said, startled. My mouth felt dry. 

“Wouldn’t a father want to see his son put to bed” 

“Yes, of course, sir,” I said. “Just didn’t think you had the time.” 

“I’ve nothing but until I’ve two legs again,” Mr. Lily said. “Then it’s back to 

cracking the whip around here.” He snorted a chuckle, looking amazingly genial. 

Despite his bulk, he didn’t seem as threatening anymore. 

“There’s something I wanted to show Lucy,” said Jeremiah. 

“Oh” said Lucy. “Whatever is that” 

“Something,” Jeremiah said. “You can coo over babies later.” 

Lucy looked around. “I think William’s in good hands. Hooves, I mean. Bother, 

someday we’ll all get used to this.” 

“I’m not sure I will,” I said. 

“We all do,” said Mr. Lily, “with time.”

CHAPTER SEVEN 

The walk back to the barn took a while, as William was still unsteady and not a little 

bit nervous. He kept looking at Mr. Lily, then alternately walking towards him, then 

hiding between my legs. I’d then have to extricate the boy before we could get any 

farther. 

“I’m sorry, sir, this is absurd. It took him a minute to run over, and now, he can’t be 

talked into walking but twenty feet before stopping. Oh, da...bother it. Now he’s 

hungry.” I felt myself blushing. I’d gotten used to nursing William, but somehow it 

seemed awkward to be doing it in public. 

William had no such reservations and tucked in eagerly. 

“That’s fine, I can wait,” Mr. Lily said. “It’s what you’re here for, aren’t you” 

“That’s me, yes sir,” I said. “Since I’m such a poor caretaker, the least I can do is 

keep him fed.” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come across so strongly. Seeing him there, whimpering, 

well, it made me upset.” He stared at us for a bit. “Mrs. Stevens is right, you two do 

look good together. He’s really taken to you.” 

I shook my head. “I’m dinner, is all. You, I can tell he loves.” 

“I’m not sure. He seems skittish around me.” 

“You’re frightening when you yell. You have no idea.” 

He walked closer to us, almost touching me. “Am I, really” 

“Yes,” I said, looking away and trying not to inhale too deeply. His scent bothered 

me, in ways I had to admit weren’t entirely unpleasant. I swallowed, trying to find my 

voice again. “You forget, you’re a huge bull with sharp horns. You could do anyone in 

with a toss of your head.” 

“You think I’d do that” He was standing so close I could feel his breath. 

I edged away. William seemed contented, and licked his muzzle clean with a long, 

pink tongue. He bleated cheerfully, then started trotting for the barn. 

“You see” I said. “One second timid as a lamb, the next charging away. He’ll 

grow up to be a bull of a man, I expect. As the saying goes.” 

Mr. Lily watched William. “One who frightens ladies” 

“You asked me if you did. I had to be honest.” 

He jerked his head towards me. “Yes. If there’s anything I prize, it’s honesty. 

When I heard you tell Simmons to be quiet, I have to tell you, I didn’t think much of your 

candor then.” His nostrils flared. 

“Again, I was frightened. And I’m sorry, sir. I hope to regain your trust.” 

Mr. Lily seemed thoughtful as we followed William back to the barn. I nudged a 

pile of straw around him, and he no sooner curled up then he was asleep. 

Mr. Lily stood next to me, watching William sleep. 

“What you said earlier about trust,” he said after a while. “I hope you will always be 

honest with me. I appreciated it when you said I terrified you.” 

“That might be putting it strongly,” I said. “Frightened, yes. Terrified You weren’t

chasing me with horns down.” I did feel less timid now. Something about his scent, 

mixed with that of William and the barn, was comforting. 

He chuckled. “No, I promise you, should I chase you, I won’t point my horns at 

you. Not literally. But if you promise me honesty, perhaps I can promise you to try to be 

less frightening. Have we a bargain” 

I looked at him and smiled. “A bargain, sir.” 

Right now, Mr. Lily looked nothing more than gentle and kind. Odd how his face 

was so readable. I’d never thought of cattle as having expressions before. Of course, I’d 

never met a bull who had been a man. And I’d never been a cow, either. Perhaps cattle 

had no trouble reading each other’s moods, at least no more so than people did. 

So much had happened in just a few days. Just a few days ago, I’d been a man, 

independent with a trade. And now, here I was, a dairy cow who was only fed because of 

the good graces of others. 

You were hardly independent, I thought to myself. You were starving. Perhaps the 

only real difference in my situation was that now, people might be more willing to take 

me in. Or possibly, I’d be more willing to let people take me in. As Terrence had pointed 

out, I didn’t really have a choice. 

“The fire’s gone down,” Mr. Lily said after an awkward silence. “Sorry about that. 

I should have banked more before the fog hit.” 

“It’s fine. It was winter where I came from, and I had no money for coal, and little 

kindling left. And William has me to keep him warm.” 

“Where you came from” 

“I’m from a different time, sir. I fell into here, and now my life--well, it looks as if I 

need to start a new life.” 

He nodded. “My wife, she was from another time, too. She never really talked 

about it much, though. Not to me.” He sighed. “My mystery woman.” 

“I’m sorry, sir.” 

“Please, this is the country. Call me Michael. I’ve been a terrible host so far; I 

won’t compound my error with uncivil formality.” 

“You’re not a terrible host!” I said, peering up at him. “I’m the one who’s been 

abusing your hospitality. I ought to be more thankful for you taking me in. I’ve told you, 

I’m not from here. I have nothing. You asked me why I was afraid of you I will give 

you that honesty you asked for. It’s not just that you’re a titan next to me. It’s that I 

know full well that it’s only your good graces that will give me a place to sleep. I have 

no family here, no one to rely on.” 

He ducked his head down, his eyes scant inches from mine. “You forget. My boy 

relies on you. He’s never done so well. And I can see his affection for you in his eyes. 

Mary, it is I who owe you thanks.” 

I found that I was crying. “You don’t understand, sir--Michael. I’m completely 

useless at most things. I--“ I paused, swallowing my tears. “I can barely keep house. I 

never learned any of the proper womanly things. The one thing I could do is work a 

loom, but that’s only because Father taught me.” It wasn’t much of a lie, I decided. True 

enough in its own way. 

“No mother” he said, impossibly gently. “Well, then, you and William have much 

in common. 

I nodded, sniffing. I realized I was leaning against him. His warmth felt good, and

somehow I felt safer. 

“Sorry about the tears,” I said. “I don’t know where my mind is. I feel so scattered, 

and emotional.” Without thinking, I wiped my eyes on his coat. 

“It’s the time of year, dear,” he said quietly. “We all feel it. It’s an animal thing, you 

know.” 

“What do you mean” 

He kissed my neck, his soft lips caressing me behind the ear. For a moment I almost 

lost my balance as his strong scent filled my mind. Panting for breath, I nuzzled his coat 

on his chest. 

I opened my eyes and saw a bull’s face staring at me, his nostrils flared open, his 

eyes wide with lust. 

“Get away from me!” I yelled, trying to shake away the strange feelings. I spun 

around and crashed into the barn door, knocking it open. I stretched my legs out into a 

painful gallop, hurtling down the hill. 

“Mary!” I heard him bellow from behind me. I didn’t look back, but kept running, 

down the garden path, past where Nina the goat was curled up asleep. She bleated a 

hullo, but I ignored her and kept running, even though my lungs were burning and my 

legs and udder sore. I just wanted the pain to take over my mind. 

I waded a shallow stream and collapsed on the other bank at the edge of the forest. I 

wanted to feel sick, but all I could think of was how much I wanted him. My mind 

wasn’t clear on exactly what that wanting entailed, it was more of an amorphous 

yearning. All I knew was I wanted to charge back to the house where I knew he would 

be. I felt myself arch my back, just thinking of it. I tried to ignore the rest of my bodily 

sensations, but I had a fair good idea what would happen. 

What in the name of heaven had happened to me Fine, Terrence was right, I had 

different tastes, some more disturbing than simply eating grass. But it had been all I 

could do to bring myself down here to the forest. In my old life, when I’d still been Ned 

Hasting, I had lusted after girls, certainly. But I hadn’t had to exert this much self 

control. 

But what if I’d been in Mr. Lily’s place What would I have done He was 

comfortable enough with being a bull, that much was certain. And if I’d been comforting 

a young girl as he’d been doing, would I have dared a buss on the neck Perhaps not, but 

I hadn’t a bull’s body and his hot blood, either. And I certainly didn’t have a bull’s body 

now. 

Sympathizing with him was one thing. I wasn’t even really a girl, much less a cow. 

Damned if I was going to turn into a barnyard animal quite so readily. 

But you already are a barnyard animal, that little voice of mine said. 

“Well, I won’t be soon!” I yelled, stomping off into the forest. 

“Mary” Lucy’s voice called. I could smell her approaching. Walking back to the 

edge of the forest glen, I saw her fording her way across the stream. 

“Don’t run!” she said when she saw me. 

“Are you alone” 

“Yes, that was something of the idea,” she said, shaking herself dry on the other 

***

side. “How are you doing” 

“How much do you know” 

“A little, and I’m guessing a fair bit more. If you like, we can find somewhere 

secluded and chat.” 

“Is William well” 

She laughed. “You are a good woman. I’m sure he is. The greedy little fellow can 

no doubt stand a few hours away from his nurse. Or do you think you’ll be chained to 

him all the time” 

“I don’t know what to think,” I said. “But isn’t Mrs. Anderson coming back” 

“She will. Or perhaps might, depending on things. Shall we find a grove 

somewhere I think there’s a pleasant glen farther along this stream.” 

“Are you sure” 

“People need privacy sometimes.” She tilted her head, looking at me sidewise. “For 

example, Jeremiah and I don’t always fit in our bedroom back home.” She winked. 

I felt myself burning with embarrassment. “So, you know.” 

“Come on,” she said. As promised, there was a little glen covered with wildflowers. 

It was filled with soft, grey-gold light streaming through the fog shrouded canopy above. 

“It’s beautiful,” I said wonderingly. 

“Isn’t it though” Lucy said. She bent her head down and grabbed a mouthful of 

flowers. “Try the purple ones,” she said between bites. “They’re sweet like apples, but 

have a lovely spiciness to them.” 

She was right, and I quickly tore into a fair share of the ground cover. I had no idea 

I’d been so hungry. 

“Never thought you’d want to eat flowers, eh” said Lucy. 

“Terrence already used that analogy,” I said. 

“Did he I can’t believe he’d speak of such things to you. But that’s our Terrence.” 

“It was more a general warning. I don’t think he approves of Mr. Lily.” 

“There’s little love lost between them, I think,” Lucy said, wandering over to the 

stream for a drink. “Terrence used to live in the groves here, but after Mrs. Lily died, Mr. 

Lily ran him off. He’s not very forgiving of freeloaders.” 

“Terrence works!” 

“According to him. You’ve been getting his side of things, certainly. To be fair, 

Terrence does his best. It’s just that some men aren’t fit for honest labor.” 

“No,” I said, “and neither am I.” 

“Nonsense, you’ve made quite an impression here in only a few days.” 

“I’m certain I just spoiled any good impression I made.” 

“Sit down,” Lucy said, sprawling out on the grass. 

I laid down across from her. “It’s true,” I said. “What a scene I just made! I’m just 

not fit for this world.” 

“Naw, you’re just reacting like anyone would in your place, is all. Remember, we 

had a couple of weeks notice before we were all caught up. T’wernt springtime, either. 

That’s a powerful mess you walked into.” 

I shook my head. “I think I will go mad. If I’m not already.” 

“You’re not, and you won’t. Besides, you’ll be human again real soon. That’ll 

make things easier.” 

Not that much easier, I thought. “And then what will I do Do you need help I’m

sure Mr. Lily doesn’t want me anymore.” 

She laughed. “My dear, I am quite sure he wants you. Isn’t that what we’re down 

here about” 

“Stop laughing at me! Everyone laughs at me. I was a useless fool back home, and 

now I’m the clumsy cow who runs amok in the garden and screams in horror when...” I 

couldn’t say it. 

“When you suddenly realize that a bull wants to have his way with you” Lucy 

shook her head. “He told Jeremiah what happened, and my boy suggested that I come 

down here and have a girl to girl with you.” 

“What’s happening to me” I cried. “I almost let him...I mean for a second there I 

wanted him to...” 

“And you still probably do. Bluntly put, my dear, we’re in season. But me, well, 

I’m more used to things than you are, so I’m not being driven out of my mind by it. 

Besides, it’s an itch that a married gal can scratch.” 

“You’ve...scratched” 

Lucy tossed her head back and whinnied a laugh. “You really are a lady, ain’t you 

There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s not some chore you have to go through to have 

children, like an old biddy told me once. Look, men are men and we’re women. Time 

comes, you’ll like it fine.” 

“It’s not that, I mean, I’m not naïve. I know how it all works. It’s just that it was all 

so, well, perverted. But I didn’t mind at all. That frightened me.” 

“Well, two things here, sweet innocent Mary. First off, it ain’t perverted if you’re 

people. Which we are, we’ve just got hooves right now, is all. Or are you calling me a 

pervert” 

“No! I didn’t mean it like that. Or maybe I did, I don’t know. I’m sorry.” 

She nipped gently at my ear. “Don’t fret. Trust me, first time, it really came as a 

surprise to us both. We’d just been standing about, talking you know, then next thing we 

know, we’re all het up and he’s jumping on my back.” 

“Lucy!” 

“It’s how it works. What, think I was going to lay on my back, hooves in the air 

Ponies ain’t built like that. Anyways, it was all done without thinking much.” She butted 

me with her head. “I’m really scandalizing you, ain’t I” 

“A bit,” I admitted. “But I can’t believe I was so out of control.” 

“It’s the season thing. Happens about every month or so, usually opposite your time, 

feels the strongest in the spring. You and I seem to be lucky enough that it’s lined up 

with the fog.” She snorted. “Well, I want a baby, so it’s fine by me. As for you, since 

you’re nursing, you probably won’t get one, that’s what my mama told me years ago.” 

“We didn’t do anything to get a baby!” 

“No, but you came close. It’s hard to think straight when you’re like that. For you 

and him. So, that’s the second thing I’m trying to tell you, don’t blame him too much for 

trying to seduce you. Men can’t help it at the best of times, and bulls can’t help it at all.” 

“But I can.” 

“And you did! See, I don’t think you understand men at all. Me, I’ve got some time 

feeding and caring for one, so I get their ways more. Thing is, Mr. Lily may have thought 

he wanted you right then, but what with you running away, he now holds you in higher 

regard. It’s like the one thing they want is to be told they can’t have what they want.”

“You want me to play the coquette I won’t!” 

“And you shouldn’t. Frankly, dear, neither of us could pull that off. Let me tell you 

about the horrors of the season in Boston sometime.” She shook, then giggled. “You 

know, never thought of the way they used that word season until just now.” 

“But this isn’t Boston.” 

“No, not by a long ways. Closer to Oregon, really. Except for the people turning 

into animals and fairy tale castles, things here are much the same. More practical. So, 

I’m telling you to be practical. Try not to lose your head with Mr. Lily or anyone else for 

that matter. You know what’s going on now, should be easier. But--if you do slip a bit, 

it’s only human. Really, if folks shunned ‘fallen women’ on the frontier, or here, half the 

men wouldn’t have anyone to marry.” 

“I just can’t believe I felt like that,” I said. “I am afraid to go back. Lord knows 

what I might act like.” 

“You weren’t expecting to feel that way,” Lucy said. “And when you did, you 

denied it, so it snuck up on you when you didn’t expect it. Oldest story in the book, my 

friend.” She nuzzled me. “Cheer up. It’s only human.” 

“Or cow.” 

“Or pony! But again, I’m lucky, I’ve got a good man. Mayhap you’ll find one soon, 

yourself.” 

“You aren’t suggesting...” 

“Mr. Lily Well, he’s certainly laid his cards on the table, hasn’t he He’d have to 

be a true cad if he didn’t start to court you after that. Who knows where that could lead 

Truly, he’s a good catch. Gentle, good looking enough, with a good estate. And girl, you 

have nothing, not even a covered wagon.” 

“I know. I hate relying on others.” 

“What Why not let us help you But you’re right, don’t marry just for money, nor 

agree to the first man you meet here.” 

“That shouldn’t be a problem.” 

“No Used to beating them off with a stick back home” 

“Not at all. Thirty years old and unmarried.” I thought wistfully of Susan. I 

wondered if things would have been better if I had married her despite it all. Perhaps 

with a helpmate, I would have made something of myself. I couldn’t have done worse. 

But then again, I’d been no Mr. Lily with a farm and field hands to answer to me. I might 

not have done worse, but Susan could have done much better. 

“You’re crying,” said Lucy. 

“Memories,” I said. 

Lucy rubbed her head against mine. “Mary, may I ask you something personal 

You might take it the wrong way, and I don’t want you to.” 

“Go ahead,” I said, sniffing. “Lord, I cry all the time.” 

“A good cry helps sometimes. You’ve been through so much in just a few days.” 

“I’m a ridiculous cow! That alone would be enough, without bulls sniffing at me.” 

“Cows aren’t ridiculous. They’re beautiful creatures. At least you are. And that’s 

what I wanted to ask you. You weren’t very pretty, were you” 

I considered how best to answer this, then realized the unexplained truth would 

suffice. “No. No one ever called me that.” 

She nodded. “I gathered as much, from what you said. Thirty year old spinster, left

to take care of your father. Then he passes on, leaving you with nothing. Wealth or looks 

can save a woman without family or friends, and through no fault of your own, you had 

none of those, did you” 

“No.” 

“I sound so cruel! I mean to say, everyone likes the pretty girl in the room. But the 

plain girl She gets to stand at the back, uncomfortable in the dress she'd spent hours 

embroidering, watching the men dote on those with poise and slender waists. And what 

did the belles of the ball do to get such attentions Nothing! They were just born with 

the right bloodlines, is all. It’s not fair, and trust me Mary, I understand. I’ve been in 

your place.” 

“You married well.” 

She laughed. “Jeremiah wasn’t much to look at back then, either. You saw my 

locket. But he had sense, I could see that. And you have no idea how the Oregon trail 

gripped our imagination. It was a chance for a man without land and a woman without 

looks to make something of themselves. The thought carried us through a drought in 

Kansas, fear of Indians, and a miscarriage while I was driving the oxen. Then we saw the 

green hills, and it was all worth it.” 

“Green hills and fairy castles” 

“Lord! I honestly fainted. And I’m not the fainting sort. But it worked out for us, 

and it will work out for you.” 

“I’ve still nothing. As you say, a woman without family, wealth or looks.” 

“But you’ve friends. I’ll be here for you. I get lonely without someone to listen to 

my chatter. You will visit, won’t you” 

“Of course! You think Mr. Lily will keep me on” 

“Well, even if you turn out plain, I’m sure he’ll want you to take care of William. 

The boy’s love for you is manifest.” 

“He’s really a sweet child. Or calf. Strange, but I already think of him as...” 

“As your own” 

“I would never say that to Mr. Lily.” 

“It’s natural. I’m baby starved myself. And you’re actually nursing him. Of course 

you feel as if you’re his mother.” 

Did I I certainly felt protective of the little fellow. And I realized that the one thing 

I was afraid of was that I’d be torn away from him. That frightened me more than 

wondering where my next meal might come from. Odd that I felt that way after just three 

days, but then again, he had the biggest brown eyes in the world. That counted for much. 

“I suppose I do,” I said. “I really hope this incident with Mr. Lily doesn’t color 

things.” 

“It will.” She smiled and stood up. “But not necessarily in a bad way. Just 

remember, look at all options and make your decisions with as much sense as you can 

muster.” 

“Says a woman who threw all her worldly goods in a wagon and braved red 

Indians!” 

“It made sense at the time. And as you say, it all worked out.” 

I tried a brave smile, wondering how that looked on a cow.

CHAPTER EIGHT 

We were fording the stream when Lucy gasped. 

“What’s the matter” I asked, dashing through the cold water to her side. 

“Nothing too much the matter, save for the fact I am an idiot caught twice 

unawares!” 

“Unaware of what” I said, looking around. It was deserted around us, nothing but 

the rolling green of the edge of the garden. The sun was just starting to set, throwing 

wide, colorful beams across the hills, lighting up distant manor house and making it glow. 

It looked just like a landscape painting, and made me catch my breath. 

“The sun is still up,” she said. “It’s always the sunlight.” 

“What is It’s beautiful, isn’t it though” 

Lucy shook herself dry. “Yes, and getting warmer, too. You probably can feel that. 

But tell me, can you see the manor” 

“Yes, that’s what I was remarking on.” 

“Could you see it this morning” 

“Don’t think so, no. But what does--oh.” I realized that the reds and greens were 

much stronger, and my distance vision was sharper. 

“I told you, I’ve more experience with this. Should have felt it coming, but we were 

talking. Darn it all! I usually carry a basket when it gets this late.” 

I was feeling stupid. “Basket” 

“With clothes in it.” Lucy sighed. “Not the first time in the history of this place, but 

I really don’t want to give the field hands an eyeful.” 

“We’d better make a run for it, then,” I said. I was feeling nervous. I wasn’t sure 

why, as I’d changed before, and this would be back to being human. Or maybe that was 

what I was nervous about. 

“Too late,” said Lucy, her whinny turning into a human-like gasp. I watched as a ray 

of light struck her, making her golden fur glow and shimmer. The glow spread and I 

couldn’t see her for a moment. I blinked my eyes, and there she was, back in human 

form on her hands and knees, her long hair down and thrown over her shoulder. 

She stood up, brushing the muck off her knees. She really was an athletic woman. I 

could see the muscle in her calves, and she hadn’t much fat on her at all, despite her 

round hips and square shoulders. I could really see the pony in her, even smell it, 

although the scent seemed to be fading. 

“Your turn soon, I’m sure, dear,” she said, giving me a hug around the neck. I 

reflected that a few days ago, a naked young woman hugging me might have affected me 

differently than it did a the moment. It just felt comforting to me, and that was what I 

needed. 

“Might as well get it over,” Lucy said, patting my back. “Better than having it catch 

you midstride. There’s a patch of sun over here, come along. Don’t be afraid, it’s not as 

bad as changing into an animal. Just let it happen.” 

I followed her over a rise, wondering if anyone at the farmhouse could see us.

“I think here, I can feel it,” Lucy said. 

I opened my mouth to moo when the sunbeam hit me. It felt almost tangible, rather 

like warm water pouring through my body. Despite Lucy’s advice, I yelped and jumped 

back, but it followed me. Blinking in the light, I tried to relax. I felt my muscles in my 

legs unkink, and tension seemed to flow out of me, making me feel weak. I sprawled my 

legs out, feeling them bend, and my body shifting as it shrank. I rolled to my side and 

raised a foreleg in front of my face, watching the bright light shimmer over it. Then just 

as quickly as it had come, the light was gone and I was flexing a small, delicate hand in 

front of my eyes. 

“Just rest there a while before you stand up,” said Lucy. “You’re not used to the 

change, you might topple.” 

I felt terribly small, at least in comparison to being a cow. But I didn’t feel clumsy 

either. I shivered in the cold, letting myself feel my body. Terrence had been right, of 

course. I was no doubt a woman, or Lucy would have said something. And even without 

looking, I could tell that I was no longer Ned Hasting. On a basic level, men are always 

conscious of what lies between their legs, for safety, if nothing else. The absence down 

there was marked. Odd how it was much more obvious as a person than as a cow. But 

now I didn't have hooves and an udder to distract me. 

I did have breasts. Sooner or later, I’d take a look. They felt large and heavy to me, 

but not half as encumbering as an udder. At least they were higher up and not likely to 

bounce against my legs. For some reason, this thought made me laugh, which turned out 

to be amazingly high pitched. 

“It’s always strange the first time,” said Lucy. “I wish I had a mirror for you. I 

think you’ll be happy.” 

I put my hand down and allowed myself to look. Milk-white skin, with barely any 

hair on my arms and legs, just a soft golden-brown down covering my mostly featureless 

groin at the bottom of a smoothly curving belly. My breasts weren’t quite as large as I’d 

thought they’d be, although my nipples seemed absurd in size. Even without a mirror, 

based on my wide hips and adequate pad of fat, I knew I probably looked like the 

mythical dairymaid one saw in all those pastoral statues from my grandparent’s time. 

I squared my shoulders and looked up at Lucy, my long hair blowing about in my 

face. 

“I suppose it could have been worse,” I said. I was expecting my voice to be high, 

so there was no surprise there. But Lucy had been right, I really did sound ladylike when 

I spoke. 

“Much worse!” said Lucy, clapping. “I know, you’re used to your old body. But 

really, you look wonderful.” She paused. “I hate to say it, but people will no doubt 

comment. You really do look like Mrs. Lily did. Must be the hair, probably the bosom, 

too.” 

I stood up carefully. I found myself eye to eye with Lucy. “I am rather endowed, 

aren’t I” I looked at her slim figure enviously. 

“You’ll fill a corset, that’s for sure! Course, a lot of gals just wear bodices out here 

in the country. Have to admit, they're more comfortable. Just don’t flatter the figure as 

much. Mind you, you don’t look as if you’ll need much flattering.” 

That reminded me of the obvious. “Lucy Speaking of clothing, what on earth are 

we going to do”

“I’ve got it all thought out. Sun’s almost down, so we wait a bit longer, then make a 

run back to the barn. I brought that basket of clothes I was talking about, and I’ve got a 

chemise so you can get at least somewhat decent. Maybe you should jog over to your 

barn and look in on William, too. If he’s human, he’ll be wanting some attention, I’m 

sure.” 

“Do you know how to change a babe’s linens” I said, stamping my feet to shake 

off some of the cold. The warmth I’d felt from the change was long gone. 

Lucy laughed merrily. It reminded me of her laugh as a pony, almost like a whinny. 

“Don’t worry, dear, I’ll help you. You really didn’t learn anything about the womanly 

arts in your home, did you” 

“That would be putting it mildly,” I said, joining her in the laugh. Damn me, my 

breasts wobbled about when I did that. I had thought that I wouldn’t notice the 

differences much, what with a few days as a cow. But if anything, they seemed more 

obvious. Perhaps being a cow was just too much to believe. This, however, felt all too 

real. 

“Time for a run,” Lucy said. “I truly hate running in bare feet. Hooves get one 

spoilt, I tell you.” 

“Horse hooves, perhaps,” I said. “I didn’t run that fast.” 

“Fast enough! A one woman stampede, just ask the Mr. Simmons.” 

I winced. “Rather not. Just one of many I’ve made a bad impression on.” 

“I like the way you wrinkle your nose when you say that. You really are cute.” 

“Wonderful,” I said. “I’m also cold.” 

“And getting cross! That’s good to hear from you. Can’t be obliging all the time. 

Don’t worry, a run will get us all warmed up.” 

“I’m not sure I’m built for running, really,” I said, staring at my bosom. Nothing for 

it, I’d just have to get used to it. “But I’ll try.” 

“A bodice really would be nice right now, especially for you." She flashed me an 

amused smile. "Judging by that look on your face, I’m guessing you were flatter, too” 

“As a board,” I said truthfully. “Lucy, please, we’re not getting any closer to the 

barn standing here. And I’m still cold.” 

Lucy looked around. “I don’t see anyone, at least no one who is being apparent 

about it. Ready, set, go!” 

She loped easily ahead, and I took after her. As expected, the bouncing was blessed 

uncomfortable, but then I got the idea of holding myself with one arm, which at least 

afforded a bit of privacy as well. I really, really hoped that everyone was inside by now. 

Awkward form or not, I seemed to have a fair amount of energy, and almost 

managed to keep up with Lucy. I was winded by the time we got to the top of the garden, 

but I doubted Ned could have even made it that far. Lack of regular dinners had routinely 

sapped my strength. Odd to think of a woman being stronger than a man, but there it 

was. My hands and arms looked delicate, but apparently there were some muscles in my 

rounded thighs and calves. 

I dived onto the ground behind a privet bush where Lucy was hiding. 

“See” she said between pants. “You can keep up. Consarnit, I caught a stone.” 

“I just followed you and when I heard you curse, I decided to jump over that part of 

the path.” 

She kissed my cheek. “You are so funny! We are going to be absolute best friends, I

can tell.” 

I bit my lip. “Aren’t we already” 

I saw her smile disappear in the moonlight. “Another thing you didn’t have much 

of, wasn’t it Friendship, I mean. Poor Mary. We’ll make a life for you yet.” 

“Damn it, Lucy, you’re making me cry.” 

She gave me a quick hug. Once again I was struck by how it only felt sisterly. 

“No time for that. I think your barn is dark, best make a run for it. I’ll be by in a bit 

with what clothes I can find for you.” 

“I really want some clothes,” I said shivering. “Or a fire. A small one, I’m not 

picky.” 

“Clothes, fire, got it,” she said. Her teeth were starting to chatter, too. “Hot toddy, 

perhaps” 

“Yes, ma’am, please,” I said. “With a liberal hand with the spirits, I beg you.” 

“Go!” she said, pushing me. 

I poked my head above the bushes, and seeing no one, stretched my legs and ran as 

fast as I could for the barn. Inside I could hear a baby crying. 

I threw open the door and dived inside. 

“William!” I shouted. 

Mr. Lily was there in human form, clad in a loose shirt and breeches. He was 

cradling a baby in his arms, rocking the child back and forth. The babe was having none 

of it, and was screaming at the top of his lungs. 

I froze in the doorway, acutely aware that I was illuminated by a lantern sitting on 

the floor. We both stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity but was probably 

only a few seconds. Mr. Lily looked pallid in the weak lantern light. I could see him 

visibly shaking. 

“Forgive me,” he whispered, and turned his gaze to the floor. I covered myself, half 

turning away, then remembered to cover my breasts as well. 

Mr. Lily walked quickly towards the door, and without a word, held William out 

towards me, staring directly into my eyes. He was a good head taller than I was, and 

even more muscular than I remembered. His eyes were the same brown eyes that he’d 

had as a bull, dark brown pools that seemed to hold so much sadness. 

Mr. Lily broke eye contact and turned away. Before I could say anything, he’d 

closed the door behind him. I could hear his steps echoing away in the distance. 

William started gurgling happily as I held him close. He felt clammy, so I curled up 

on the hay near the remains of the hearth fire and stroked his head. I let him play with 

my hair for a bit, which was possibly a mistake. I quickly discovered the boy had an iron 

grip once he got his hands around things. 

Then I remembered my basic function, at least as far as William was concerned. I 

offered him a breast, and the greedy little fellow happily latched on. The feeling was 

much the same as before, but now I could look him in the eyes while he sucked away. He 

also didn’t seem to have teeth anymore, which I supposed was normal for human babies. 

Just as well, as the skin on my breasts was much thinner than my cow’s hide had been. I 

think we were both entranced, just being there together. I wondered why women would 

ever hire a wet nurse--admittedly I was new to this, and perhaps after a week of sore 

nipples, I’d change my mind. But, right there, I was content. I had someone who really 

needed me, someone who didn’t think of me as completely useless. I know it sounds

odd, as after all, less than a week prior I’d been a man. But I wasn’t going to let my 

discomfort with that stop me from helping an innocent who needed help. 

There, enchanted into the form of a girl, curled on the floor of a barn, not a stitch of 

clothing on, my long hair tossed wildly about, I think I felt purposeful for the first time 

that I could remember. I cooed softly at the boy and began to silently weep, not exactly 

sure what I was feeling, but fairly certain I wasn’t unhappy. 

A timeless moment later there was a knock on the door. I called for Lucy, but she 

didn’t answer. Balancing William with one arm, I clambered to my feet and cautiously 

opened the door. 

No one was there, but there was a child’s bassinet with blankets piled up inside. 

Taking it inside, I found that it had a child’s swaddling and extra clothes, along with what 

looked like an adult dress. William fortunately smelled fine, if still calf-like, but I was 

grateful for the back up. I, on the other hand, was a complete mess. I wondered what I 

was going to do about my hair. I didn’t think a simple queue would do, but for now I just 

tied it up in a loose braid. The rest of me was mud splattered, but a bath was probably 

not forthcoming. I really need to make myself decent. 

First things first, I put William to bed in the bassinet and tucked the blankets around 

him, singing softly until he seemed to be asleep. Then I squared my shoulders and had a 

look at the clothing. It was a fine green fustian, with a splattering of bobbin lace around 

the edges. There was a nice Holland chemise as well, which I knew I was going to regret 

getting muddy. Hardly the sort of clothing one would give to charity, of course, but I had 

a good idea whose they once were. 

For not the first time, I found myself grateful for Mr. Lily’s kindness. So he had 

kissed me, so what I mean, not that I was indifferent to it, but what would he have 

thought As far as he knew, I was just a girl who had wandered through. 

But in truth, I was just a girl who had wandered through. I’d best start remembering 

that. People weren’t about to treat me as if I were a man. If they discovered my past, I 

would become the subject of ridicule, at best. Truthfully, for one with nothing to her 

name, I was probably better off now than if I’d been a penniless man. As Lucy had said, 

friends and a bit of charm went a long way for a woman. 

And there was no question that was what I was. The mad thing about being a girl 

was how close it was to being a man, and yet how completely different. It was like 

having a missing tooth versus a bad cut. Being a cow had been like having a bad cut-- 

traumatic at first, but then something you simply tried your best to ignore and work 

around. A missing tooth, however, that didn’t alter things so much that one was forced to 

put it out of one’s mind. Instead, the tongue would keep coming back to that minor 

difference in the mouth, obsessing about it. 

Not that the differences were all that minor. Shrugging on the chemise, I 

involuntarily glanced down at my groin. Of course, I’d been female as a cow, but my sex 

had been tucked away out of sight. Here, at least with my clothes off, it was quite 

apparent. I have to confess, I poked around down there for a moment. It was my body, 

after all. It wasn’t really all that simple, despite outward appearances. I’d always 

supposed it to be something of a simple fold in the flesh, but there seemed to be more to 

***

it than that, including some rather sensitive parts. Of course, during my previous close 

encounters with female anatomy, I hadn’t been stopping to take notes. It was 

unfortunate, as I probably could have used an instructional manual. On the other hand, it 

seemed a less fragile arrangement than the one I’d had previously. It might make up for 

the breasts. 

Which were the next order of business. The chemise was no different than a long 

man’s shirt, albeit one with nicer embroidery and softer fabric than I’d ever been able to 

afford, so that shrugged on easily enough. For all Lucy's talk of bodices, it looked as if 

I'd been given a corset of sorts. Fortunately, it clasped in front, but even so gave me a fair 

amount of trouble. At least I remembered that Susan wore her corset over her chemise. 

That probably saved me from a fair amount of chafing. Still, getting everything in order 

was fussier than I’d thought it would be. I suspected there was some technique to the 

lacing, but for now, I clasped it shut and tied off the ribbons that were hanging about. I 

hoped William would be patient when it came feeding time. He wouldn’t be just able to 

walk up and have a snack anymore, the poor thing. 

I carefully wiped my hands and face clean with a blanket before addressing the 

dress. I’d worked fustian before, and I had a fair good idea what the fabric alone would 

have cost. At least before the mills came and dropped the prices through the cellar, that 

is. The lacework was top notch, too. I honestly don’t know if an excess of affection for 

costume is something that is intrinsic to the female sex, or if it was just that I’d never had 

a well made outfit in my life, but I found myself grinning wildly as I held it up and 

looked at it. Perhaps I was acclimating quickly to the notion of being a woman, but I 

really had no objection to putting the dress on, other than the fact that it seemed a rather 

delicate thing to be wearing around a farm. 

Putting it on was less straightforward than the chemise had been, but I think I got the 

ties right. I wasn’t sure if the bodice was supposed to be visible at the neckline or not, 

but it seemed to stick out a ways. No doubt I was missing something obvious, but I was 

sure that Lucy could set me straight. 

I found a basic cap in the pile of blankets. As I tied it on, I saw that it had 

surprisingly shaky embroidery on it, a simple outline of a few butterflies all done in black 

thread, with a better done capital E as a centerpiece. Well, everyone had something from 

an old auntie that they couldn’t turn down, I decided. I was hardly going to complain, as 

I welcomed the warmth. 

There were some stockings and soft leather shoes that fit me almost perfectly. The 

whole ensemble felt almost as if it was tailored for me. I really hadn’t been expecting it 

to be comfortable, but aside from the corset, nothing really felt as if it needed adjustment. 

It was warm enough to step outside, which was fortunate, as was the fact that 

women didn’t wear drawers under their chemise. At least that’s what I gathered from 

their absence in my pile of clothing. In retrospect, it probably should have been the least 

of my worries about being a girl, but I’d been holding my water since I’d crossed the 

stream with Lucy. Such things had been fairly easy as a cow, more so than as a person, in 

fact. I just had had to pick a likely place. But somehow I’d gotten the notion that it 

would be difficult for human women. 

I’d have to cope with these things sooner or later, and the unmistakable sensation of 

truly needing to take care of things was putting its vote quite solidly on the sooner side of 

the ledger. I paced around while holding my skirts out of the mud, trying to find a privy,

or at least a dark corner. If there was a difference in things, that was probably it. Ned 

would have just spotted the side of a barn and unbuttoned his breeches. Mary felt in 

distinct need of privacy. 

I finally just ducked down behind some hay bales, spread my feet far apart and 

relaxed as best as I could. The relief was instant and welcome, only marred by the fact 

that I was worried about just where I was aiming. I found myself keeping track of the 

positive and negative points of my new sex, and having to worry about my shoes whilst 

finding relief al fresco was not on the positive side of the equation. And certainly I 

wasn’t looking forward to my first experience with a chamber pot. But, once again, I 

hadn’t a choice in things. 

“Mary” Lucy called from the other side of the barn. 

“Over here,” I called, kicking dirt over my muck. I remembered I’d just recently 

regarded hay bales as a potential snack. I had just used the larder as a priv, as it were. 

My perspectives on many things had changed radically of late. 

“We’ve a nice fire in the main house,” she said, coming round the corner of the barn, 

wearing a high necked brown kirtle. I saw her frown in the moonlight. “What are you 

doing back here” 

“Um,” I said. “You know. I’d drunk my fill at that stream earlier, and it seems to 

have carried over to being a person.” 

“Ha! It does that. A little sip as a pony is a good half gallon in the belly later on. I 

should have warned you. By the by, next time, there's a perfectly serviceable close stool 

on the other side.” She pointed. “Nice clean rags, wash basin, limed once a week. Why, 

some tenements are in shabbier shape. Mr. Lily has standards, I will say that about him.” 

She winked. “Worse households to find oneself living in.” 

I crossed my arms. “You’ll be telling me how many pounds per annum he’s worth 

next.” 

“Not at all!” she said, putting her hands up in protest. “The coin of the realm is a 

guilder, hereabouts.” 

I stuck my tongue out at her. 

Lucy just smiled and headed back inside the barn. “So, where’d you get the dress” 

she asked. “It looks perfect on you!” 

I related my adventures to her, which she took in with her customary amusement. 

“Poor fellow! But you see, he has self control. Regular gentleman, really.” She leaned 

over the bassinet and cooed at William. “The little thing is fast asleep.” 

“I know. But let’s take him inside before he gets cold. He’s too thin to stand much 

of this night air. Lost his fur, too.” 

“At least he has a warm nurse,” Lucy said, curling him up in the blanket and 

gingerly handing him over to me. 

William stirred, but thankfully didn’t wake up. That reminded me. 

“Am I wearing this thing right” I asked her, pointing at the bodice. “Honestly, this 

is nothing like what I used to wear.” 

“Oh, that’s right. I keep thinking you’re from my time. But you’re old enough to be 

my grandmother! I remember Grandmamma scolding my sister and I about the modern 

corsets. ‘New-fangled nonsense’ she called them. Back in your day, you just wore those 

sack dresses and a short stays, didn’t you” 

“Fair much,” I said, hoping she didn’t cross examine me further. “I’m certain these

ties go somewhere.” 

“They do,” she said, looking at the arrangement critically. “This is a fair fancy 

dress, you know. So for this, go ahead and loosen the dress so the stays show. Lovely 

embroidery on that, might as well show the world.” She adjusted things for me, which 

uncovered the top of my bosom. 

“There,” she said, tightening the bottom lacings. It actually felt more comfortable 

than I expected. It seemed to support my breasts and keep them still, albeit by the 

process of pushing them far enough upwards to threaten my chin. 

Lucy stood back and looked me over. “My, don't you look fancy! But we’ll have to 

find more practical clothing for you. For one, you’ll want a nursing bodice, if nothing 

else. I hope we can broach the subject delicately with Mr. Lily. Poor man! I wonder 

what went through his head when he handed you Mrs. Lily’s dress.” 

“You’re right,” I said, beginning to consider the implications there. What would he 

think every time he saw me wear this “I’d best give this back to him as soon as I can.” 

“No, I wouldn’t. If he gave it to you, he wants you to have it. It’s a gift, dear.” 

“I’m not sure I want a gift like that.” 

“What are you saying He likes you, and he’s not going to mourn Mrs. Lily forever. 

It’s his way of moving on, having other people cherish her memory, too.” 

“I don’t feel comfortable replacing her.” 

“Now who is jumping to conclusions You two just met.” 

“Not what I mean at all! I don’t want him to think I’m trying to stand where she 

once stood.” 

“Dear Mary, he’s the one who gave you the dress.” 

I still wasn’t comfortable with the notion, but couldn’t articulate exactly why. 

Perhaps it was a feeling of imposition. I was acutely aware that he was still in mourning, 

and the last thing I wanted to do was abuse the generosity of a man who was just 

emerging from his grief. He had enough pain without me adding to it. 

I sighed. “Can’t exactly take it off now, can I” 

“Nope! All I brought you was this old shift. Really, it looks wonderful. You look 

wonderful. I’m sure you’re just bursting to see yourself in a looking glass.” 

“I’m curious, yes.” 

“In more ways than one, my shy spinster.” 

Lucy was certainly right about that. I gave up protesting and bundled William as 

best as I could. I could see warm red light streaming out of the broad paned windows of 

the main house as we approached, and heard people chattering away. 

Inside, we entered via long dark hall. 

“I’ve brought her!” Lucy called. 

“Let’s see what that cow looks like as a girl,” an older woman’s voice said. I wasn’t 

sure, but it sounded like she could have been the goat. 

“Mary, please come join us,” Mr. Lily called. 

Biting my lip I followed Lucy into the well lit main room. Along with Mr. Lily, 

there were about ten other people here, dressed much like the people had been around the 

castle, but with coarser fabrics. And they were all staring at me without saying a word, 

not a smile between them. 

I tried my first curtsey, with some success. “Good eve, all. Thank you so much for 

your hospitality.”

Mr. Lily stepped forward, handing me a porcelain cup of a steaming drink. “Have 

some flip, Mary. A hot drink is traditional after we all change back It’s the one thing I 

miss, certainly.” 

He turned to face the rest of the room. “Doesn’t she look beautiful” 

“I could stand a bath, I’m sure,” I said, trying to smile. 

The was a silence, then the old goat woman started cackling. “So could we all, 

dearie! But there’s things we just don’t talk about, aren’t there” 

This elicited a few chuckles, and the others started murmuring their greetings to me. 

William woke at this, but I was fortunately able to keep him entertained by twirling my 

braid in front of his face. 

Soon the gathering was bustling again, with a few impromptu songs and a fair 

amount of mulled wine drunk. Everyone kept staring at me, as I expected. Strangers in 

the country always took a while to be accepted, but for all that, they all seemed friendly 

enough. 

“He really does look well,” said a woman who identified herself as Amy, Philip the 

horse’s wife. “We were all so worried about him, after Mrs. Lily--well, you know.” 

I nodded. “I’m really hardly any good at children. I lost my mother early on, and I 

was an only child. Never had a chance, you know.” The story felt more akin to the truth 

each time I repeated it. 

“Well, we’ll all help, the women at least.” She sniffed the air. “Speaking of which, 

have you a change of swaddling for him” 

Amy led me down to the nursery. She explained that she was more or less Mr. Lily’s 

housekeeper. 

“I say more or less simply because I don’t really live in the house. No one does but 

him anymore. Suits me well enough; he was kind enough to let us have a cottage down 

by the stables. A bit of privacy isn’t a bad thing, and my girls like to play in the woods.” 

“Girls” 

“Five and eight, both cute as buttons and all too aware of it. I’m hoping for a third, 

and of course Philip would wants a son. But I married late.” 

“You did” 

“Bless you, girl! I like you already. Well, here’s the nursery. By the time I get done 

training you, you’ll be the most prepared mother in the world. When that time comes, of 

course.” 

“I did skip right to the nursing, didn’t I” I said. “How strange. Is it like that for 

everyone the first time” 

“Not that I know of. Mrs. Lily said she was like that, though. Must be a cow thing.” 

She grabbed a pile of blankets, showed me where the pail for the soiled linens was and 

set to her promised instruction. 

A few minutes later, William was gurgling happily and reaching for dinner. 

“Cursed corset,” I said. 

“Let me give you hand with that,” Amy said. “A bit fashionable for a wet nurse, but 

you’re probably more than that.” 

“What do you mean” I said. “I’m not even sure Mr. Lily is going to keep me on. 

Mrs. Armstrong is supposed to come up tomorrow, I think.” 

“Mrs. Armstrong is a wonderful lady, but she has her own children to take care of. 

And her own husband.” She leaned against the changing table, looking at me

significantly. 

“So, I’ll have a job, then” I felt a lone tear working its way down the side of my 

nose. 

“Oh, don’t cry!” 

“Too late,” I said, finding a clean cloth and blowing my nose. William looked up 

from nursing, clearly concerned. 

“Dear, dear, no one is throwing you out on the street. Is that what you thought might 

happen” 

“Everyone is staring at me so! As if I don’t belong here. Perhaps I don’t!” 

“Not belong Girl...that’s not what we all dropped our jaw at.” 

“I know, I have no references or anything. And I stomped all over Mr. Simmon’s 

garden, and insulted Mr. Lily, and you all are just waiting for him to tell me to bundle my 

things and leave. But this is so blessed stupid of me, but in just a few days I really find I 

care for this child, don’t you see” 

“I do see. It’s only natural. You don’t have one of your own. And William is a 

sweet tempered baby. But what I’m trying to tell you is that sending you away is the 

farthest thing from Mr. Lily’s mind.” 

I finished my cry, patting my cheeks dry. William seemed done as well, so I started 

lacing myself up. 

“Child,” Amy said, “none of this is your fault, but you’re going to have to expect 

that people will treat you oddly at first. Especially the master.” 

“I shall try not to be too bothersome.” 

“I think I need to show you something. Follow me.” 

She took a candle from a sconce and lit it in the fire. Walking upstairs, we found 

ourselves in the upstairs gallery. Various paintings of farmland and fit looking squires 

lined the wall. I recognized Mr. Lily in one, with a startlingly beautiful lady standing 

next to him. She had unblemished pink-white skin, a beautifully curved figure and deep, 

wide brown eyes. She was wearing the same dress as I. 

“That’s her” I asked. “She looks so kind.” 

“She was, I suppose, though more than a bit dreamy at times.” Amy smiled quickly. 

“Always had good intent, but we had to gently ask her not to help in the kitchen or with 

the laundry. I admit, no one was surprised when she just fell down the stairs. It seemed 

the sort of thing she’d do.” 

“I can’t believe how beautiful she looked. No wonder he misses her so much.” 

“Envious” 

“Of her beauty” I thought about the answer for a moment. “What woman doesn’t 

want to be beautiful” 

Amy laughed. “Then I have one more thing to show you.” She walked over to a 

door and unlocked it. “This was her boudoir. The master has us keep all her rooms the 

same as that day. So the dusting falls to me. Go on, you first.” 

I stepped in. It was a small room, lit brightly by moonlight pouring through a wide 

plate glass window and reflecting off several mirrors lining the walls. 

In each mirror, staring back at me in wonder, was Mrs. Lily’s reflection.

CHAPTER NINE 

“Why isn’t anyone telling me anything” I asked Jeremiah. 

“I’m sorry, Mary, what do you mean by that” His face seemed unreadable in the 

red glow of the kitchen hearth. I’d cornered the fellow at the mulling pot. I had really 

wanted to pull Lucy aside, but apparently she was inseparable from a party once it got 

going. 

I crossed my arms, hugging myself. “I mean, here I am, stumbled into a world that 

makes no sense, and everyone is simply feeding me a scant teaspoon of information at a 

time. ‘Oh, by the by, you’ll look different when you turn back to being human’, ‘Did we 

mention that we’re setting you up to be a permanent wet nurse’, and now ‘You look 

exactly like your new employer’s dead wife.’” 

“Be fair, Mary! How much time have we had to tell you this As for the 

resemblance, yes it’s marked, but it was as much a surprise to us as anyone else.” 

“I’m filling in a hole, aren’t I That’s what Terrence told me once about the fog. I 

probably became a cow because I was near a dairy. Husbands and wives become the 

same breed of horse. It’s this magic ‘make everything fit' thing. So you put me in the 

same position as Mrs. Lily!” 

“I’m not sure that’s why you look so much alike. I mean, I’ve never heard of this.” 

“Have you a better explanation” 

He rubbed his curly brown whiskers. “No. In fact, now that I think about it, it 

makes a certain sense. But it was purely unintentional, believe me. If it’s even true, that 

is.” 

“It is true, because it has happened. I won’t say I don’t want to care for William. 

He’s the first thing I’ve ever had a hand in that feels as if it has some purpose.” I 

stopped, my voice choking. 

“Oh, hey now girl,” Jeremiah said, putting an awkward hand on my shoulder. 

“Don’t tell me not to cry! Everyone is telling me that, all the time! I hardly ever 

cried until the last few days.” 

“Well, I expect you might not have had much to cry over. Or perhaps you did, and 

just didn’t let yourself.” He leaned down and held my chin, smiling at me. “Lucy thinks 

you’re a wonderful lady, you know. It’s good to see her with someone to chat with. I’m 

glad you’ll be living close.” 

“There you go again! Have I said I’ll stay More to the point, has Mr. Lily said I 

could stay” 

“To the second, yes. To the first, why wouldn’t you Didn’t you just say you cared 

about William” 

“I do! But damn it all--“ I saw him flinch. “Yes, I said damn. Fine. I’m angry.” 

He shook his head incredulously. “Why, in God’s name” 

“Because you’re trying to put me in his mother’s place! It’s not right!” 

I heard the kitchen door start to open, then it closed again. 

“Someone has to feed him.”

“And marry his father” 

“Oh, that.” 

I shook his hand off my shoulder and faced the fire. “Yes, that. Don’t deny you’re 

setting me up.” 

He chuckled drily. “You should be complaining to Lucy, then. She’s the amateur 

matchmaker. But really, Mary, it’s just a possibility. Despite the way folks dress, this 

isn’t really the middle ages. No one is going to force a marriage on you.” 

“What has Mr. Lily said” 

“I don’t breach confidences.” 

“I don’t think I’m ready to marry. Perhaps I never will be.” 

“Spoken like a spinster who’s given up on life.” 

I spun around, feeling my face flush. “Now who’s breaching confidences” 

“That would be my wife.” He grabbed my shoulders, preventing me from turning 

away again. He was amazingly strong. “Don’t be angry with Lucy, she needed my help 

to set the stage.” 

I struggled half-heartedly, then gave up. “I’m some dog, to be given off to the first 

good home.” 

“Have you a good home” 

“No. But don’t make my decisions for me.” 

“We’re not! But you’d be foolish to turn away from something you’ve never known 

before.” 

“What if I don’t want this What if I preferred how I was” 

“Unmarried and alone Mary, you need to let yourself have a life.” 

“I already decided to live. It wasn’t easy, but I did.” 

“Forgive me girl, but it doesn’t sound like you were all that happy.” 

I swallowed, not looking at him. “I wasn’t.” 

“Then you haven’t decided to live yet.” 

“I decided not to put a lead ball through my skull. That’s something.” 

I felt him stiffen, then he let go of me. “Sweet Jesus.” 

The tears streamed down my face, hot and sticky. My nose ran, but I didn’t attend to 

it. “There. I said it.” My voice was surprisingly calm, I noticed. 

“Mary, in the name of God, please promise me--“ 

“I won’t,” I interrupted. “My decisions are my own now.” 

“William needs you.” 

“That’s unfair.” 

“It’s true.” 

I wiped my face as best I could. “You’re right.” 

Jeremiah swept his arm in a wide circle. “All this, hearth and home. Romance with 

one man might not happen, of course. But with someone, someday. And that man will 

call you his. You won’t have to fall back on thieving anymore. No one cares about your 

past but you, I think.” 

“What did you say” 

He laughed. “I was to broach the subject in a more delicate way. But I can see now 

that it wasn’t part of your character. Did self-contempt have anything to do with your 

black thoughts Hatred of being a criminal” 

“The black thoughts you speak of, they were earlier. Then came the thieving, as I

didn’t know what else I could do. I hadn’t family, or any way to support myself.” 

“The usual excuses.” 

“It was the truth! But, I never stole anything.” 

“Oh Guardsmen don’t go looking for innocent cows. They never said exactly why 

they were asking after you, but I don’t imagine their duties encompass hunting down 

strays for the local farms.” 

“No, you were right, I was caught, then shortly after I turned into a cow. But I was a 

terrible thief. My heart wasn’t in it. I think I might have let myself get caught.” 

“A workhouse would be no place for you.” 

I wondered if the locals knew about the Royal Farm. Probably not, or just thought 

of it as hard labor somewhere. 

“So, you’re not turning me in” 

“I don’t see a thief in front of me. I see a confused girl, one who needs to start a 

new life. Besides, who would Lucy have to chatter at” 

I hugged him. “Thank you. And I won’t run, I promise.” 

“You’ll give your situation a chance” 

“As you said, William needs me. Him, I’ll stay for.” 

“And no thieving” 

I shook my head. “I’m a different person than I was a week ago. A better one, 

perhaps. At least more useful.” 

He handed me a kerchief and I dabbed my face clean. 

“I think you’ve always been a good person, Mary. But you’re just now realizing it.” 

I spent that night mostly watching William in his nursery. Amy was good enough to 

find a cot and bedding for me. I just didn’t feel comfortable leaving the fellow alone, and 

anyways, was hardly clear on where my room was. If I had a room, that is. 

To my delight, the next morning was bath day, with great gallons of steaming water 

available. Some might like running about on four hooves, even consider it a holiday, but 

it did call for a scrub afterwards. Somehow, the scent of the barnyard was less welcome 

on a person than on an animal. 

Lucy was showing me how to put ringlets in my hair when there was a knock on our 

door. 

“We’re decent,” she called without consulting me. Literally speaking, we were, but 

my hair was still wet and I knew I looked like a mess. That sort of thing mattered to me 

more now. Deciding to live meant taking care of one’s grooming. And the sooner I 

learnt to take care of my toilette, the better. I didn’t want a head of elf locks. 

“Ladies,” said Mr. Lily, walking in. 

“Just drying up, sir,” Lucy said. 

“I can come by later,” he said, “I just wanted to chat with Mary.” 

“I’ll be down the hall, then,” said Lucy. “Your cook is wonderful, but my Jeremiah 

needs his cornmeal fried just right or he’s the devil to put up with all day.” 

Mr. Lily smiled. “I somehow doubt that, ma’am, but I’m sure he appreciates it. 

Men always do.” 

Lucy snorted. “First I’ve noticed. But a good heart makes up for much.” She gave 

***

me a quick glance, then headed out, closing the door behind her. 

Mr. Lily took his hat off. “May I have a seat” 

“It’s your house, sir.” 

He looked uncomfortable. “Yes, so it is.” 

“You said you had something you wanted to say, sir” 

He sat down in a chair opposite me. 

“You look lovely,” he said. 

“I look like your wife.” 

He furrowed his brow. “You do. Far too much for comfort, but that can’t be helped. 

It’s not your fault.” 

“I’m sorry,” I said gently. “I’m awful. I must look like a doppelganger to you. A 

ghost. I should never have put this dress on.” 

He shook his head sharply. “No. I gave it to you. It’s foolish to just leave things 

stored away. It’s better off still being used. It’s just--well, I wasn’t expecting the 

resemblance to be so close. It brings back memories, you must understand.” 

“I’m not part of those memories, sir. I’m me.” 

“I know that.” 

I stood up and walked to the window, watching the sun play off the garden pond. 

“Everyone says that your wife was a wonderful lady,” I said. “And I look like her. 

But I’m not her. I don’t want to be reminding you every day of what you lost. And I 

think I will. Mrs. Armstrong is supposed to come here this afternoon, she can take over 

William’s care.” 

“Is that what you want” 

“No!” I said without thinking about it. 

I could smell him standing behind me. “Mary, I’ve been a cad. We both know what 

happened the last time we were alone. I can make the usual excuses people do in those 

situations, but I never should have allowed myself so near you when--“ 

“When I was in season Lucy had to explain that to me. I wasn’t a farm girl.” 

“Then let us speak plainly. Yes. One is less in control.” 

I turned around to face him. “Then, consider my fears.” 

“I’m in control now. We’re both human.” 

I breathed deeply, trying to remain calm. He smelled right, somehow. And his eyes 

were William’s eyes, set in a ruggedly square-jawed face that was softened with reserved 

but still palpable pain. It was a face that made me nervous with its strength, but also 

spoke of a loneliness I was all too familiar with. As I looked up into his eyes, I could feel 

a pleasantly warm tingle between my legs and a soft fluttering in my stomach. These 

were stirrings far different from those I’d once felt as a man. But there was no missing 

their meaning. 

“Mary” 

I looked away. “How do I know you’re in control” 

He paused. “I haven’t seized you around the middle and kissed you.” 

I looked back at him and realized I was breathing heavily. A heaving bosom 

wouldn't exactly defuse romantic tension. 

I walked back to my chair as briskly as I could. “That’s good, then.” 

“Not easy,” he said, sitting back down and smiling. 

“You are being unfair to me. You have feelings for your wife, that’s why you find

me attractive. But I’m nothing more than a vagrant, really.” 

“If you want, you can be William’s nursemaid.” 

“You’ll hire me” 

“I’d prefer to treat you as a guest. Don’t look at me like that! William adores you, 

and I fear he’ll do poorly again without you. Please stay. I am not trying a duplicitous 

way of pressing my suit.” 

“I adore William. As for the suit, I appreciate that, sir.” 

“Mind you, I hope you’ll do me the favor of dancing with me at the ball this 

Saturday. We always have one in the barn after the fog clears. Good to move about on 

two legs again.” 

I looked him in the eye. His face was open and honest. And, perhaps a bit worried. 

“I’d love that,” I said. I realized I meant it. 

I got a room next to the nursery, complete with a door I could leave open. Mr. Lily 

told me to avail myself of Mrs. Lily’s wardrobe, but I didn’t feel comfortable going into 

her room, instead getting Amy to pick out a few things that she thought would be 

practical. She also found a few books there for me, so I would have something to pass 

the time while William slept. 

I hardly stayed put in the nursery, of course, and couldn’t bring myself to let him nap 

alone. Most of the time, I just carried William around with me as I tried to be useful 

around the house. I’d found a carry sling for him, and I just felt better knowing he was 

with me. Mrs. Armstrong dropped in from time to time to help, warning me that I’d 

better not get too used to the boy, as “Most likely, any you eventually have will not be as 

well behaved!” 

Be as that may, I felt happy and purposeful for the first time in forever. I helped 

Amy with the laundry and other household chores, and she was delighted to hear that I 

knew how to work a loom. 

“We could use some homespun around here,” she said. “Finances are good, but a 

penny saved is a penny we could use to spruce this place up some.” She leaned over my 

mending. “You have neat stitches. Or perhaps my eyes don’t let me sew as tightly 

anymore.” 

“Thank you, ma’am.” 

“Please, call me Amy. You’re not a servant here, so I’m hardly in charge of you. If I 

was, I might not help with the changing!” 

“I’m sorry!” 

She patted me on the back. “Don’t be. Not your fault at all that you haven’t kin 

here, nor that the boy has none to come over and help.” 

“Mr. Lily hasn’t family” 

“When the giant came, families were scattered. Some killed. It was a bad time, 

child, really most don’t wish to speak of it. But he did well enough after, as you can see. 

And he’d hoped to continue the line with his wife.” 

“He has,” I said, nodding towards the sleeping William. 

“True enough. She once told me that she knew the heir and the spare were part of 

the bargain.” 

***

“Bargain” 

“A marriage is a bargain, dear. Don’t ever forget that. You promise to love and 

obey, he promises to honor and take care of you. If either party fails to hold up their end, 

the center falls apart.” 

I went back to my mending. It was relaxing just to mend. By the time I’d left home, 

most of my clothes were more patchwork than original. I’d always taken pride in them, 

though. I’d felt it was part of the craft of weaving. 

“Amy” 

“Yes, dear” 

“Do you really think it would be possible to get a loom It’s what I’m good at. 

Maybe we could sell the cloth, and make more money.” 

She pursed her lips. “To be honest, it's something of a hard sell this time of year. 

We’re still buying supplies and grain. Harvest and money are months away.” 

“I’m sorry, I was just trying to think of ways to be of use.” 

“No, it’s a good one. Just ask in a few months.” She winked. “Lord knows, it 

might not be me you’re asking that question of.” 

I tossed the mending into my lap. “Stop it! You’re as bad as Lucy.” In fact, Lucy 

had stopped by that very morning, and asked if he’d tried to kiss me again. I’d thrown a 

cleaning rag at her. 

“Girl, haven’t you noticed the way he watches you when you walk by Or how he 

comes down here every hour to say hello and ask after what you’ve been up to” 

“He’s hospitable.” 

“He’s smitten.” 

“That’s just because I look like Mrs. Lily.” 

Amy took a deep breath. “Well, he certainly did appreciate her appearance. But, 

and you didn’t hear it from me, they didn’t always get on completely.” 

“What But--he mourns her terribly!” 

“Being sad that someone died too young is not the same as loving her.” She held a 

hand up. “Don’t misunderstand me. He held up that end of the bargain I spoke of. And 

she did her best to hold hers.” 

“She didn’t always” 

“She was...scattered. A sweet lady, always asking if she could help.” 

“Hrmph.” 

Amy patted my knee. “No dear, you are help. She didn’t have a single notion about 

either working in or running a household. She never explained, but I suspect she was 

some aristo who never had worried about such things.” 

I laughed. “Well, I’m no aristocrat, that’s for certain.” 

She joined me in laughter. “I know. But don’t tell your friend Lucy. She’s 

convinced you’re posh beyond belief.” 

“She says I have the accent.” 

“I wouldn’t know. You just sound country to me. But not a farm girl.” 

“No. Though I know far too much about cows now.” 

“And I horses. But you know how to do laundry. And sew. I think Mr. Lily cares 

about these things now” 

“I don’t understand. He wants to do laundry” 

“You are funny! No, he asked after you, if you must know.”

“I suppose I should know. What did he say” 

She scratched her chin. “Phrased it in that awkward, trying to be formal way of his. 

‘So, she knows all the things one would expect a girl to learn as she grew up’ he asked.” 

“I don’t know much,” I said, returning to my cover story. “I lost my mother early 

on, and it was only father and I. I know nothing of children, for example.” 

“But taking to it like a duck to water! See, that’s another difference between you 

and her. Oh, she loved William, but I always felt that she had an air of reserve around 

him. Almost as if he was a duty, not a joy. But again, that’s noble ladies for you. First to 

put the child out to a wet nurse.” 

“I’d never do that!” I said with more feeling than I expected. 

“Good for you,” Amy said. “The boy deserves love. He’s received too little. And 

you might be the same, I think.” 

I didn’t know what to say in reply.

CHAPTER TEN 

The days started to become routine. Before I knew it, I’d been at the Lily estate for 

a good week and a half. Lucy was the one who brought that to my attention when she 

asked if I was ready for the ball. 

“Ack!” I said, putting my tea down carefully. It was so good to be able to drink the 

stuff again. I hadn’t been able to afford it in a hen’s age. 

“By ‘ack’ I’m taking a wild gander that you’d completely forgotten about it. It’s in 

three days, dear.” 

“Am I supposed to sew a ball gown in three days It’s not going to happen!” 

Especially since I’d never sewn a dress from scratch in my life. The skirt would be easy 

enough, but trim and all that could take weeks. 

“You’re so funny. My sweet gentlewoman, this is a barn dance, not one of your 

cotillions. Just wear something nice, maybe a silk sash if you want to be impressive. Not 

that you wouldn’t be even if you wore an old feed sack with holes cut in it.” 

“You flatter me.” 

“No need to. Besides, even if you were horse faced,” she said with a wink, “you’d 

be the talk of the town. A new, unmarried girl about The boys will all want a turn.” 

Which brought up the obvious point. “I hope they’ve solid shoes. I don’t know any 

of the dances here.” Much less as a woman, I thought. 

She grinned. “That’s why I brought this up. The dances aren’t too hard, a little bit 

like contradance, really, though I miss the callers. I was in the same place as you once. 

Of course, as a married woman, there was less pressure on me to perform.” 

“Perhaps I should feign being sick.” 

“And miss an evening being the center of attention” 

“As you might say, that hits the nail on the head.” 

She shook her head. “Mary, Mary, Mary. I need to pull you out of that shell of 

yours. There’s not a woman in the world who doesn’t secretly crave attention from men. 

Save the demure flutter of your eyes for when they’re milling about you. With me you 

can be honest.” 

“Honestly, I’ve never danced with a man,” I said. As was frequently the case, the 

truth seemed the easiest route. 

She took my hands in hers. “It’s fun. And harmless. No, really. Things are a bit 

looser around here in some ways, but the worst you’ll have to endure is an arm around 

your waist. Unless they play Queen Nazereen like they did last month.” 

“You’re smirking. What’s that” 

“It’s a card game. If a man holds the knave of clubs, he can demand a kiss from the 

queen of diamonds. Oh, don’t look like that. Nobody is forced to play.” 

“But what if the girl is already spoken for” 

“Well away, I would think that if her beau were as strongly built as Jeremiah, the 

boy might have the sense to keep it chaste.” She giggled. “We’re a long, long way from 

the drawing rooms of Boston and London.”

“Manchester. And I wasn’t taking tea in the city every day.” 

“Regardless, you know what I mean. It’s a different world here, Mary.” 

“I’ve noticed.” 

Lucy spent the rest of her morning visit teaching me a handful of dances likely to be 

seen on Saturday. Fortunately, they weren’t too complex. The people of this world 

apparently had yet to hear of duple minor sets or six figure progressive heys. At least the 

sensible folk of the country hadn’t. 

It made for a fun visit, interrupted by William’s fussing only a few times. He wasn’t 

completely appreciative at being a wallflower, but I was hardly going to try skipping 

about with him in a sling. 

As I automatically curtsied to Lucy’s overly dramatic bow, it occurred to me that I 

no longer found myself constantly bothered by my new form. Mind you, there were still 

random moments, such as when I tried to lift heavier objects, or needed to adjust myself 

in ways I hadn't had to before. But arm strength aside, I found myself actually fitter than 

I had been as Ned. A morning of dancing left me scarcely winded. And a week of skirts 

had gotten me, if not completely comfortable with them, at least accustomed enough that 

I could move about without tripping all the time. 

I was becoming accustomed to my new body. And truthfully, I didn't mind it all that 

much. There were worse things than becoming young and, let it be said, pretty. 

On one odd level, I wanted to be upset about everything. After all, in a sense I'd 

been emasculated. But really, that would only matter to a man. Not to me. 

I considered this as I rested on a garden bench that afternoon. I found myself 

watching one of the handymen chopping wood, his muscles in the backs and arms flexing 

with each blow. I didn't feel jealous of his clear masculinity at all. Instead, I found my 

thoughts flitting in other directions, wondering what it would feel like to be held in his 

arms, his strength surrounding me, making me feel protected. 

And loved I swallowed rapidly, my throat suddenly dry. That warm tingle I'd felt 

with Mr. Lily had returned. My heart quickened as I wondered what it would feel like to 

be with a man, his large hands caressing my body, telling me that he wanted me as much 

as I wanted him. 

The handyman caught my eye as he stacked wood, but I didn't look away. He gave 

me a little smile before tying up the wood bundle and walking off, whistling a cheerful 

tune. Flustered, I stood up and brushed my skirts, my legs as wobbly underneath me as a 

new born colt's. 

I was upset, but really only by the embarrassment of having my inner thoughts writ 

so clearly in my gaze, not by the fact that the object of that attention was a man. I would 

have thought that would be unsettling, but it didn't feel as if it was against nature. I was a 

girl now. Just as girls wore dresses and cared for babies, they were also perfectly capable 

of appreciating a well-turned masculine form. 

I resolved to try not to stare in the future, but to be fair, for all that I had become 

used to walking in skirts, my changed tastes were still catching me off guard from time to 

time. I resolved to be more honest with myself about my feelings. I was a girl in every 

sense of things and I'd best remember that. A girl who didn't hold her emotions in check 

***

could find herself in far greater trouble than getting caught staring. 

"But at least for now, you're the only man for me," I assured William, lifting his 

sling over my shoulder. 

"Mmmmwmph!" he replied with a possible trace of smugness. He was male, after 

all. 

Perhaps my acceptance of things was made easier by the fact that I had no way out. 

I’d be an idiot to destroy my situation through admitting my past and bemoaning my fate. 

Despite my first brave words to Terrence, I really had no desire to be a nun. I enjoyed 

caring for William, and the work I did wasn’t awfully far removed from the mending and 

tailoring I’d done before. I missed my loom, but one thing women had right was the 

notion that you ought to sit together when at work. The gossip made the time pass so 

much faster. 

I won’t pretend that I liked doing the laundry, though. Never had, and whatever 

changes in attitude my new form had brought, that much had remained the same. It 

remained hot, sticky work, and the one time I missed my old upper body strength. 

“Lift from your legs, girl,” Ingrid the goat lady snapped at me the next day. “Or are 

you trying to save your strength for the dance tomorrow” 

I tried not to glare at the woman, with little success. If the wizened old auntie 

noticed, she ignored it. Nor did she offer to help me, despite her claim that at fifty, she 

was still stronger than I was. She was right when it came to technique, though. 

Balancing the basket on the hip worked fairly well. With a bit of practice, I was able to 

toss the clothes into the waiting boil tub without lifting the basket over my head. And I 

had been getting more than my share of practice this morning. 

“I’m sorry, ma’am, I never did more than the washing for my father and I before,” I 

said with my customary restrained truthfulness. 

“Good for you, then. Build up those muscles. Men around here fancy a woman who 

has some starch to her. Not some wilting lily. So to speak.” She cackled to herself. 

My limited exposure to the woman had quickly taught me to smile and say nothing. 

The best thing about her was a need to run off and take naps on the hour. I think William 

slept less. 

“All this sun out here is no good for my skin,” she said abruptly. “Now, when I 

worked the Appleton estate, that was a man who knew how to order up a manor house. A 

full indoor laundry, nice stone gutters to channel the water through. We had the best 

smelling servants in the kingdom, let me tell you. Not like this scruffy lot, who like as 

not groom themselves with their tongues even when the fog isn’t here.” 

“Oh” I said. “Why aren’t you still there then” I regretted it as soon as I’d said it. 

“You little tart!” Ingrid snapped, grabbing the laundry paddle. 

I spun to face her, putting the basket down. The regret was suddenly gone. “Go 

ahead, hit me. Or not. I’m a guest here, and I’m happy to help. Don’t order me like a 

scullery maid. Truth, you should treat them better than you do.” 

She was not any shorter than I was, but I did my best to lean towards her. I watched 

her think. 

Ingrid dropped the paddle and started walking away. 

***

“You think because you spread your pretty little legs for the master, that you can do 

what you like, eh” she called over her shoulder when she got about ten feet away. 

“Well, you ain’t the first to think that. You just wait till the bloom comes off that rose, 

dearie. Or that lily. We’ll see just how saucy you are then!” 

She disappeared into the house. 

William picked that moment to starting crying. I felt like crying myself, I was so 

angry, but one of us had to be the grownup. I changed and dried the boy, then walked 

around the hanging laundry, bouncing him gently until the fussing subsided into slightly 

peevish gurgles. I was dodging under the flapping linens on my way back to the laundry 

tub when I saw a man’s shadow stretch out from behind me. 

I stifled a scream and whirled around, clutching William to my breast. The owner of 

the shadow was a wild scarecrow of a man with long unkempt hair and dangling clothes, 

patched in every shade of the rainbow. 

“Who are you” I said sharply, recovering my courage. Damned if I was going to 

turn into a fainting flower just because I wore skirts these days. 

The man may have been ungroomed, but he didn’t look threatening. He just stood 

there with his mouth open, staring at me. 

“Come on,” I said, “cat got your tongue You always sneak up on girls like that” 

“Mary” he whispered. 

“I asked you first. I’ll have an answer, or I’ll have you run off.” 

“Oh, yeah. Christ, I’m sorry, of course you don’t recognize me. It’s Terrence,” he 

said. “But I had more feathers last time you saw me.” He flapped his arms like a bird. 

As I’d been discovering was often the case, I could see the animal in the man, from his 

beak-like nose to the way he was cocking his head as he looked at me sideways. 

“You turned out pretty enough,” he said. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” I said, trying to put some frost in my voice. “Is that 

why you’re staring at me like that” 

“Sorry. It’s just that you look like Evie--Mrs. Lily-- did. Now that I’m talking to 

you, I can see the differences, more like sisters than twins. But damn. It was like seeing 

a ghost.” 

“Fair enough.” I waved my free hand over his face. “Hey, eyes are up here.” 

He shrugged. “No reason to get uptight. All of you is pretty. Besides, you’re the 

one with the pushup bra on.” 

“The only one around here allowed that level of interest in that part of my anatomy 

is much younger than you, thank you very much.” I gave him a smile. “But I’m done 

scolding you. It is good to see you again. I’d missed you, especially in the first few 

confusing days.” 

He sprawled onto the ground into a tailor’s sit, looking up at me. “I take it you’re 

staying on to take care of his boy” 

I kissed the top of William’s head. “I find I like doing that.” 

“And the laundry, too, it looks like.” 

“I offered. Though some here seem to forget that it’s not my real job.” 

“Old Ingrid Yeah, she’s a complete bitch. Forget about her. The rest of the house 

is pretty nice, though. Still slip me food in exchange for fixing the odd pot.” 

“I heard you aren’t allowed around here.” 

“Yeah.” He looked at the ground. “Mr. Lily and I don’t get along so good. But he

can’t be everywhere.” 

“It’s his property.” 

“Says a former highwayman.” 

“Not a very good one. I think I’m a better nurse.” 

“Do you” He looked back up at me, staring me in the eye. “Told you that you’d 

adapt. I’ve seen it. It’s what people do. Can’t go on whimpering about what you used to 

be, got to take things as they come.” 

“I hate to admit it, but you’re right,” I said. “I realized this the other day, but I’m 

probably happier than I’ve been in a long time.” I smiled and shrugged. “Of course, that 

could just be the regular meals speaking.” 

“Don’t knock regular meals,” Terrence said. “I have to go through a fair amount of 

effort in order to obtain them.” 

“Sounds like you should just find a job of your own. Hire as a handyman. 

Apprentice yourself, even. I'm told the trade guilds are far more open then they were 

back home. If you want work, you can find it.” 

“What, work for the Man Forget that, sister. I’ll take a skipped dinner or two in 

order to call myself my own.” 

“What man” 

“Just a saying, sorry. Look, I’m not in your shoes. You can’t do what I do-- 

wouldn’t be safe for a girl to live in the wild, hand to mouth. Chicks have to have 

protection. The filth are no good, not out here.” 

“You know, I’ve lived on my own, hand to mouth. Just like you. It’s not all 

freedom. It’s a lot of hunger and despair. And loneliness.” 

“Yeah. Guess you’ve got the loneliness thing down. I’d forgotten that about you.” 

“It wasn’t that long ago. Enough to appreciate the kindness I’ve been shown here.” 

“We’re still friends, right” 

“Of course!” I considered hugging him, then thought better of it. He had apparently 

tried to make up for lack of bathing with cheap perfume. “You’re my first friend here, 

my confidant. The one who told me to stop the self-pitying, and get on with living.” 

He grinned. “Oh, wow. You really have taken to your new life, huh” 

“It’s the only life I have. So, yes.” 

“You’ll be dancing with the boys in no time. God knows, you're not hard to look 

at.” 

I blushed. “Tomorrow, in fact there’s to be a dance here.” 

“Looking forward to it” 

I bit my lip. “I’m getting used to the feeling of looking forward to it. Can we leave 

it at that” 

“Sure! Hey, not like you have to get married anytime soon. Just ease into these 

things.” 

“Thank you!” I said sharply. 

“Whoa. I’m just saying.” 

“No, it’s not you, it’s everyone else around here. Seems like everyone thinks I 

should be courting Mr. Lily. Letting him court me, I suppose” 

“You’ve got better sense than that, I think.” 

“I’m not that well adapted, whatever you may think. And he’s still in mourning.” 

“And other reasons. I mean, even if you didn’t have that whole getting used to

eing a girl thing going on.” 

“What other reasons” 

“Ah, nothing important. Like you said, you’re not interested in the jerk.” 

“Jerk” 

“What’s the word you’d use Lout, I guess.” 

“He is not! He’s shown me nothing but consideration.” 

“Probably just wants to get under your skirts. Guys are like that. Come on, it 

wasn’t that long ago. You remember.” 

William murmured something discontented. He probably wanted his elevenses, but 

I didn’t feel up to unhooking my bodice with Terrence right there. I put my finger in 

William’s mouth to calm him. 

“Of course I remember,” I said. “But as I said, he’s been a gentleman.” 

“Hasn’t tried anything then” 

I felt myself grow hot. “Not your business, thank you.” 

“So he did, did he I knew it.” 

“You are beyond impertinent.” 

“Damn, you really do sound like a chick.” 

William moved to crying. 

“Just stop it,” I said. “It’s been a bad--no, call it difficult few weeks. Yes, I sound 

like a ‘chick’, as you put it. I am one. You’re the one who kept regaling me with stories 

about ‘adjustment’ and how I wouldn’t mind it after a while. Now you chastise me for 

taking your words to heart! Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Terrence. You were 

right the first time. This is my life now, and I’ll have to make the best of it. And I won’t 

rely on a shiftless tinker for my character references.” 

He stood up, his clothes flapping in the breeze. He was considerably taller than I 

was. 

“Shiftless, huh That’s what you think of me” 

“By your own admission. You say you won’t take a job.” 

“You didn’t have one either when I met you.” He put his hand on my shoulder. 

“You bastard!” I yelled, slapping his hand away. “You have no idea what it was like 

not to have work. I slaved at that loom every day, making art no one cared about, that 

would never see the outside of my attic. What did you ever make that you cared about so 

much What did you ever put your soul into only to see the world scorn it Nothing, 

that’s what! You fiddle and tinker, taking bread from the kindly so you can live one day 

to another, each day like the other. Perhaps I care about life too much to not try for 

more.” William was gasping between screams. 

Terrence looked stunned. “No...look, I--“ 

“Just be quiet. And don’t stare at me.” I loosed the bodice and gave William my 

breast. As quickly as he’d started, he quieted down and set to suckling. 

“Mary” said Terrence from behind me. “You don’t mind if I call you Mary, do 

you” 

“I’m beginning to think I prefer Miss Hasting, but we started as intimates.” 

“Please listen to what a shiftless, worthless, lazy bum is going to tell you, okay” 

I bit my lip. “Fine. But no insulting those who are dear to me.” 

“I thought I was on that list.” 

I slumped my shoulders, looking into William’s wide eyes. His sour mood was

gone, replaced by contentment. Perhaps mine could be, too. “You are, Terrence. I do 

owe you my friendship.” 

“I don’t want you to owe it to me; I just want to be mates. You know, two travelers 

from another world, going at it together. And I’ve got a some experience on you. Been 

around, you know. Seen things.” 


“I mean, sounds like you’ve had a rough life, but you’re also just a country girl.” 

“That’s what I’ve told people.” 

“Isn’t it true” 

“True enough. No, haven’t much time in the city.” 

“Or met folks who aren’t what they seem, either,” he said. 

“You’re going to tell me that’s Mr. Lily. So, he doesn’t like you squatting around 

here. Not the first landlord who dislikes uninvited guests. But, you and I are friends, 

however clumsy your tongue might be at times. Maybe I...” I stopped. 

“You were going to say something like you could talk him out of it. When you’re 

the next Mrs. Lilly, that’s what you’re thinking.” 

“I love this boy, Terrence.” 

“It’s only been a couple of weeks.” 

“Doesn’t a mother love her child the moment she sets eyes on him You don’t 

understand that. I admit, I didn’t either. Until I was a mother. More or less.” 

“He’s a cute kid, sure,” said Terrence. “But you don’t have to take his dad. It’s not a 

package deal.” 

“He hasn’t so much as broached the subject.” 

“I thought he’d did more than that.” 

“It was a moment. And he’s apologized. He’s a man, after all. It happens.” 

Terrence whistled. “Yep. You’ve gone all girl, all right. But don’t feel bad. The 

magic really is strong that way. Not liking your old life probably is pushing it, too. I’m 

just guessing. But listen, you haven’t got it all figured out. It’s still spring, and you can’t 

trust your feelings that way. Everyone’s got a bit of the animal in them, even when 

human.” 

“I can be sensible.” 

“Can you But you were just talking about marrying a guy you barely know.” 

“Not this week! He hasn’t even proposed. And it’s not as if I won’t meet other local 

fellows. Still, it would be a good situation, and he seems sober enough. Good marriages 

have been made on less.” 

“And bad ones on more. I tell you, this is déjà vu all over again.” 

“What” 

“I knew Mrs. Lily well enough. Sweet lady. And he never had a kind word for her.” 

“I know all about that. They weren’t suited. She was a gentlewoman, and not much 

good around the farm. He expected more.” 

“Yeah So what happens when you don’t come up to his expectations” 

I grimaced. “We’ll see. But thank you for the warning.” 

“You’re not listening to me.” 

“I did listen to you. Listening doesn’t mean agreeing.” 

“Damn. You’re all drenched in hormones, that’s your trouble.” 

“I haven’t the slightest what you mean by that.”

He shut his mouth, staring at the house. I saw Ingrid on the step, pointing at us Mr. 

Lily emerged from behind us, and started running towards us. 

“Talk more later,” said Terrence. “Bye!” He dashed off. 

I could hardly have followed with William still suckling. But truthfully, I didn’t 

think I would have if I could. 

Mr. Lily ran to my side, his face red. 

“What the devil was he doing here” he shouted. 

I half turned away. “Just looking for a bit of bread, I think.” I put my head next to 

William’s. “There, child, it’s fine. Just your papa.” 

“Stay away from that one,” Mr. Lily said, breathing heavily. “I’ve warned him off 

my land already.” 

“I’ll tell him that if he comes round again,” I said. I nuzzled William, who 

fortunately remained calm and focused on his meal. Watching Mr. Lily out of the corner 

of my eye, I could see his scowl vanish. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “You just aren’t used to people who are less than honest, are 

you” 

“I’ve been told that,” I said, keeping my eyes on William. “Fairly recently. 

Everyone seems to think I’m some naïf. But really, sir--“ 

“Michael, please.” 

I sucked my lips in, thinking. “Pardon me, sir, but I’m your son’s nurse, not your 

sister. I don’t feel comfortable with that.” 

“Very well. But you do feel comfortable with a dirty beggar man” 

“I know him from the fog. He was more presentable as a bird, truth to be told. But 

whatever his faults, he was kind to me when I’d first changed.” 

William finished up, so I pulled a soft rag out of my sling and wiped him up. 

Putting his cap back on, I offered him to Mr. Lily. 

“Care to hold your son, sir” William obliged by putting his arms out. 

Mr. Lily grinned, then coughed and turned away. 

“Sir” I then realized I’d forgotten to lace myself up again. “Oh, dear Lord!” I said, 

feeling my face flush hotly. 

“What a strong boy he is!” said Mr. Lily, lifting William up and down. The boy 

laughed happily. 

I recovered my composure as best I could. “His father is a strong and brave man, 

and from what I understand, his mother was as sweet and gentle as he is.” I watched Mr. 

Lily’s smile disappear. 

“Gentle Perhaps she was, among other things. And too trusting, a fault I am 

beginning to think you share with her. She would entertain that beggar, too, even when I 

told her not to.” 

“Mind your son, sir, he’s slipping.” 

“I don’t want to hold him too tightly. Hate to crack the poor boy’s ribs. But you’re 

right. A moderate amount of strength in holding him is the thing, isn’t it Too loose, and 

the fool would wiggle out to his demise.” 

Despite myself, I laughed. “I think you’re philosophizing, sir. But lest you think me 

too dim, I will happily oblige your wishes and tell Mr. Terrence to leave if he shows up 

again. I won’t lie to you--I think you’re being unfair. But it’s your house, I shall oblige 

you.”

“Thank you. Really, I’m just trying to protect you. What made you come out here 

to the garden, anyway” 

“Here” I waved at the hanging linen around me. “This is what we call laundry. 

It’s an ancient feminine secret, you see. We try to keep such things from the knowledge 

of men.” 

He narrowed his eyes and handed me William. “You are pert, aren’t you For all 

your ‘yes, sir, no, sir’, you’ve a quick tongue in you.” 

“My apologies, sir.” 

He chuckled. “No, I deserved it. I’d rather a woman with some backbone to her 

than some dreamer.” He winked at me. “It was a foolish question, wasn’t it But I 

didn’t know you were doing the laundry. That’s Ingrid and Amy’s job.” 

“Amy’s youngest fell ill yesterday, and I’m more than glad to help. William doesn’t 

need to be held all day, whatever he might think.” 

He grinned widely. “I knew I had a good nurse. As for the laundry, help if you 

want. But Ingrid was grousing about how it needs to be taken in already, so I suppose I 

should let you get back to work.” 

I shook my head. “Almost done. And Ingrid doesn’t have any sense when it comes 

to linen. It’s a sunny day, we ought leave it out as long as we can.” 

“It’s dry!” 

“Sun does linen good. Makes it smell sweet. It’s not wool, which can bleach pale 

from too much sun. Not all fabric is the same, for goodness sakes. Some things need to 

be left out more, handled with less delicacy in order to prosper.” 

He stared at me, then smiled. “Now you’re the one philosophizing. But are you 

strong linen or fine silk That’s what I want to know.” 

“I’m just a girl, sir. Nothing special.” 

“I’m more than aware of the truth of the first,” he said, making me blush again, 

damn it all. He brushed his hand over William, then laid it against my cheek. “As for the 

second point, I think you’re gravely mistaken.” 

I wanted to say something, but couldn’t find my voice. He quickly put his hands 

into his pockets and started walking back towards the house. 

“I’ll tell Ingrid to leave the washing out,” he said, not turning around. “Why don’t 

you take a half day and roam where you wish” 

“Thank you, sir.” 

He turned to look at me. “No. Thank you. Just be kind enough to let me see your 

dance card before the others have a gander at it.” 

Swallowing, I curtsied at him, but he’d already turned away.

CHAPTER ELEVEN 

“You truly don’t mind, miss” Amy asked me as she put the key in the lock of Mrs. 

Lily’s room. “I know that you’ve not wanted to enter her room.” 

“No, I’m fine,” I said, feeling a shiver run across my body. “Mr. Lily said 

something the other day about needing to go on living, and he was right. I just hope she 

doesn’t mind me intruding.” 

“No worries on that account, I think,” Amy said. “For all the awful sudden way that 

she went, we’ve not seen her ghost hereabouts. Until you arrived, that is.” 

“That’s not funny,” I said as we walked into the room. It smelt like musty flowers. 

“I really wish you and others wouldn’t say that. I know I look like her. But I’m not Mrs. 

Lily.” 

“Not yet, anyway,” said Amy. She held up her hand as I opened my mouth. “Now 

that I will apologize for. You’re right, you aren’t like she was, not at all. But I think the 

two of you would have got on. She read all the time, much like you do.” 

“When William gives me time to, yes.” I studied the bookshelf on the wall. There 

were at least a few score books on it. “She liked to collect books, didn’t she” 

“I honestly believe she read the ones you see. She didn’t do much else, really.” 

I touched one and brought it off the shelf. Tristam Shandy. I gasped. 

“What is it, child” said Amy from behind me. 

“This book--unless it’s a great coincidence--it’s from where I’m from. When I’m 

from.” 

Amy frowned slightly and walked over. “Well, she did send me to market with lists 

of possible reads. I just handed them to the bookseller, and if they weren’t too dear, 

brought them back for her.” She studied my face. “I’m guessing no one has really 

explained things to you, dear. We live in a fey world, with things from other worlds that 

pass through all the time. The market is filled with merchants from other places, who no 

doubt met others from other places, who may have been as far as where you come from.” 

“I wonder if I could go back, then.” 

“Would you want to” 

As a girl with no references I thought. No, of course not. But if somehow I could 

be my old self-- 

Don’t be an idiot, I snapped at myself. First off, unless I could talk a wizard I’d 

tried to rob into changing me into a man, I was stuck in skirts. But even if I could be Ned 

Hasting again, I’d be back to where I was less than a month ago. Starving, no trade, and 

on the edge of self destruction. 

And no hope for a family, the little voice in my head added. 

I quickly put the book back. 

“Mary” said Amy, putting her arm over my shoulder as I leaned against the 

bookcase, panting. “If you want, I can just try to pick out a gown for you.” 

I patted her hand. “No, really, I need to do this. I need to see what she was like. I 

need to stop hiding from ghosts.”

I looked at the rest of the books. “Tell me what else she liked to do.” I recognized a 

few books. “These are almost all novels. Did Mr. Lily know she read novels” The 

bookshelf held quite a bit of Swift’s work, and most of Defoe, including Moll Flanders, 

which I took. 

“Mr. Lily doesn’t read for recreation. And I doubt he noticed or cared.” 

“Looks as if she liked gaming, too,” I said, spotting Hoyle. 

“Cards and dice, before he stopped her allowance.” 

“Queen Nazarene” 

Amy laughed. “You know the rules to that one No, whist.” 

“Whist Would have thought a lady would have played quadrille.” 

“What’s that” 

“Far too complicated for a country girl to play,” I said. 

“Probably would have taxed her brain overmuch, to be blunt. I know it sounds 

cruel, but you need to understand your ghosts, I think. Truthfully, she’d never play a 

game she couldn’t understand after a pottle of wine.” 

“She drank” 

“Drank, gambled, sang passably well. Would have made a right proper rake, save 

for her twin misfortunes of being penniless and a woman.” 

“What’s this A fencing manual” I pulled it off the shelf and opened it. It was 

written in Italian, by somebody named Fabris. “She didn’t fence, did she” 

Amy took the book from me and paged through it. “I caught her stumbling through 

what she called ballet dance once. Looked fair similar to some of this, if it were 

performed by a half-sotted woman with no sense of balance.” 

“Why on earth would she have this book” 

Amy flipped a few pages, chuckling to herself. “Oh, judge for yourself, miss. I 

think it’s what they call the classical mode.” 

I stood on my toes and looked over her shoulder. The illustrator had portrayed all 

the muscular men in their various fencing postures. None had a stitch of clothing on 

them. 

“Um,” I said, feeling warm. 

Amy closed the book and patted my shoulder. “I can see that you’re healthy enough. 

But enough with pictures, let’s see about finding you a real man of your own. Then you 

and he can fence all you like, though I suspect you might avoid parrying all his thrusts.” 

She winked. “I’m awful, aren’t I I admit, it’s a bit of fun to see how far down I can 

make you blush. You do that quite easily. Another thing the boys like.” 

I crossed my arms. “I’m glad I’m such sport for you.” 

“Oh, now! I won’t apologize for that. Really, you need to be aware of your own 

desires. Can’t pretend they don’t exist, or you’ll dance off with the first lad to whistle at 

you.” 

“I thought everyone had me paired off with Mr. Lily.” 

“Enough about the thoughts of others. What does Mary want” 

I didn’t say anything. 

Amy took my hands in hers. “Dear, listen to me. I will tell you very truthfully that I 

knew the late mistress fair well. I know the master well enough. And in a few weeks, I 

think I’ve come to know you. You’re right, you aren’t her. You’re like her in good ways, 

and different in good ways. That’s why he’s so smitten with you--it’s as if the old Mrs.

Lily had returned, but reformed and capable.” 

“I don’t want constant comparisons.” 

“Second wives always do have comparisons made. I’m a second wife, didn’t I tell 

you Philip’s first died, along with the son she was carrying. Fever. Mind you, this was 

years ago, before the market sprouted one apothecary after another. But of course he 

thought of his first wife and the son he never had. How could he not And I would never 

begrudge her the love that he still had for her. Me, I was just happy to find a kind man so 

late in my life.” 

“I understand.” 

“I know you do. I know you weren’t likely to marry yourself, once. But that 

changed for me, and it changed for you.” 

“So I should marry Mr. Lily” 

Amy laughed. “I doubt very much you want me to tell you who to marry. But I will 

say that it would be a good match, if and only if you enter it out of love. Not for want of 

any better idea.” She stooped down and looked into my eyes. “Do you love him” 

“I...am not sure.” 

“Good start, and honest. You haven’t anyone to compare. So let’s get you dressed 

and ready to go tomorrow.” She stood up and opened the closet. “Fortunately for you, 

the one vice Mr. Lily indulged his wife in was clothing.” She looked at me critically. 

“I’m thinking green with some red trim, perhaps gold lace.” 

I stared at the dress she brought out. It probably was worth more than my old house, 

including the loom. 

“To wear or hang on the wall” I asked. 

Laughing, Amy spun me around and started helping me dress. 

Mr. Lily might have been tight fisted in some ways, leastwise when it came to 

funding gambling debt, but he hadn’t spared on the festivities at all. The dance band was 

beyond good. Their haunting yet bouncy sound filled the cleared barn, echoing off the 

walls and through my soul as I let myself be spun about in various line dances. I was 

relieved to discover that a woman who didn’t know all her steps was treated with more 

sympathy than a man who didn’t. Perhaps it was simply that I did less damage with my 

feet now, or perhaps the occasional collisions were welcomed more by the recipient. 

Mr. Lily had led me out as he’d requested, but after that I didn’t dance with the same 

fellow twice. The local assortment seemed a genial lot, and after a glass of wine, I 

decided that they were pleasant enough to discreetly gaze upon. Their conversational 

ability, on the other hand, could have stood some work. To a man, they seemed mostly 

concerned about the upcoming planting, or would turn the conversation to places they’d 

been to or games they’d done well at. I never was much of a footballer, and now that 

there was almost no chance of my being chosen for a team, I found that I was even less 

interested in the sport. But to hear Lawrence, Bert, Harold, Tom and (Lord help me!) 

Ned talk, one would have thought that future generations would be composing sonnets in 

praise of this morning’s long kick goal. 

That’s hardly to say I didn’t have a good time. The wine and the spinning were 

conspiring to make me dizzier than anything, and the press of people created a warmth 

***

that added to my disoriented feeling. I watched as if I were outside my body, delighted 

by the show of everyone’s colorful clothes, the men with their tight stockings flashing out 

with their kick steps, the women’s skirts spinning out like unfolding flowers. And I was 

somewhere in this press, smiling at the boy of the moment as he took my hand and 

propelled me along in the fortunately not too intricate pattern. 

I’d gotten used to dancing in skirts, but my shoes were still giving me trouble. They 

didn’t have soles, but were just soft leather slippers. Not too awful around the house and 

garden, but on the dance floor, I found that my dizziness combined with their slipperiness 

to dump me on my silk ribboned fundament. Fortunately, my partner was a roundish bull 

sort and was able to block various revelers from overrunning me as I struggled to get up 

while still preserving modesty, albeit not dignity. 

“Are you hurt” he asked, his solid arm around my waist suspending me an inch or 

so off the ground. 

“Just threw a shoe,” I said. “I think you can let me down now.” 

He obliged, easing me onto a bench near the punch bowl. His earnest face looked 

almost concerned. It was an odd thing, I realized. He wasn’t my type at all, really. I 

liked them less sleek, more angular, and perhaps with more of a spark in their eyes. Still, 

whatever this boy’s name was, I owed him thanks. 

“My pleasure, Miss Hasting,” he said, sweeping into a formal bow. 

“Alfred!” A plump girl with black and white hair appeared next to us. “Whatever 

did you do to this poor girl” 

“I treated her savagely on the dance floor, I’m afraid,” he said, grinning happily at 

her. “No doubt the guard will want to have words with me soon. Alas! ‘Tis the last 

night of my freedom.” 

The girl giggled excessively. “You card!” She turned to me and in a stage whisper 

said, “I am so sorry! He’s supposed to be my charge, you see. I shall take all the blame 

for letting him run amok.” 

“Quick Nancy,” Alfred said. “Let’s to the dance floor before the constables show 

with a warrant for my arrest.” 

“Run, my highwayman brigand!” she cried, pushing him out onto the floor. 

I heard someone snort next to me. 

“’Struth, the guard seems to be the bogeyman of everyone’s fantasies. Never hear a 

good broadside about a copper, do you” 

I turned to look at the speaker. Even without inhaling, I could tell he was another 

bull, but not one who spent too long at the food trough. He had thick curly brown hair 

that covered his head, face and forearms, and a wide, broad toothed smile. He was 

holding a cup of punch in a hand that looked large enough to wrap itself around my thigh. 

I shook my head, wondering where that thought came from. 

“And so,” he said, “your assailant and his intended prance about on the dance floor, 

leaving you wounded on the sidelines. At least he drug you out of the fracas.” 

I took the cup, sipping carefully. My first draught was still affecting me. “Thank 

you. As for my wounded foot, don’t let him exaggerate. I’m just not used to these shoes, 

is all.” 

“Thought so. You looked more as if you weren’t being allowed to walk, rather than 

any decision on your part.” 

I sighed. “Just a sense of the overdramatic, Mr....”

“Sergeant.” 

“Pleased to meet you, Mr. Sergeant.” 

“And I you. But you have my name wrong, Miss Hasting.” 

“You know me” 

“Yep. We’ve met. Sergeant Henry Lockwood, Her Majesty’s City Guard, at your 

service.” He clamped a hand on my shoulder. “You’re pinched, I’m afraid.” 

I suppose I should have cried out, or something intelligent. No one here knew him. 

But I didn’t do anything. On reflection, the truth would have come out eventually, and 

any struggle I made would have just worsened things for all. But I wasn’t thinking that 

clearly. I just stared at the dancers and thought of the world that I’d almost been part of. 

“Oh, here now,” Sergeant Lockwood said. “Please don’t cry. Gah!” He handed me 

a handkerchief with his spare hand. A few dancers glanced at me with concern. I waved 

at them, and their attention returned to the dance. I sat up straight, dabbing at my tears. 

“May we go outside and talk, Sergeant” I asked, as calmly as I could. 

He pursed his lips. “Give me a shoe of yours. Come on.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

“You’ve run on me once before. Don’t fancy chasing you a second time.” 

I slowly undid a shoe and handed to him. 

“Thanks,” he said. “I suppose that makes me the prince to your Cinderella.” 

I stood up. “Grant me some measure of dignity, sir. I pray you.” 

Sergeant Lockwood tucked my shoe into his doublet. “Don’t see why I should be so 

kind to someone who broke three of my ribs and put me on half pay.” 

“What” I said, looking at him. He was standing a bit stiffly, but with a man that 

barrel-chested, it was hard to tell if he’d been bandaged. 

“Follow me, no tricks,” he said, walking out the door. 

For some reason, I followed him. 

The night cold cut through my clothes, sobering me but not making me any happier. 

I stood there, staring at the clear stars above, wondering when I’d see them again with 

human eyes. 

“I’d tried,” I whispered. “I found a place, people, someone I could be.” 

The sergeant nodded curtly. “Truthfully, miss, you’d have been found out 

eventually. Runners always give themselves away, eventually. I’ve seen it.” 

“I wasn’t that hard, then” 

“Sorry. While I was laid up, my friends asked around about a new cow in the 

neighborhood. Heard there was one, thought you might show up at the next dance. 

Nothing better for you to do, I expect.” 

I dried my tears. “Better I’ve been looking forward to it all week.” I screwed my 

eyes shut, trying to stop the weeping. “And now, it’s the end of my life.” 

“Hey now, don’t exaggerate. No one’s getting hung here. You’re just going to the 

dairy, is all." He shrugged. "And what with you footloose and fancy free for a few 

weeks, you even got a reduced sentence.” 


“I mean, if you behave, they probably won’t add extra time to make up for the 

weeks you were on the run. Consider it a holiday. Sorry to be the one to tell you it's 

over.” He pointed a finger down at my nose. “And no more running, got it Not that 

you’re likely to break more of my ribs, but trust me, you aren’t on my good list. Don’t

push your luck.” 

“What luck I’m being torn from the child I’m taking care of. It will be almost a 

year before I see him again. No, that's too hopeful. His father would never countenance 

a criminal in the household. I’ll be lucky if anyone I’ve befriended ever speaks to me 

again.” 

“Should have thought of that before you went burglarizing or whatever you did.” 

I stood on my toes, looking him in the eye. “Did Care to know what I did I was 

penniless in the middle of winter, with no job but slavery or brigandry. But I couldn’t 

even do that right. My one attempt, I stumbled into fairy land and half-heartedly held up 

a wizard. He just laughed at me. Who wouldn’t I should have just killed myself. Then 

I never would have had hope.” 

He looked back at me. His eyes were jet black in the darkness. I could see the 

reflection of the stars in them. He touched my wet cheek. 

“You were going to kill yourself” he asked. 

I sniffed and nodded. 

“Well, don’t do that.” He leaned down and stroked my hair. “I mean it, do you 

hear I don’t want that on my conscience. I’m just doing my job.” 

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about hurting you, I really didn’t mean to. I was just 

scared, and I’d never been a cow before. I had no idea. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Just take 

me away now, will you I don’t want to explain to anyone.” 

“We might have to wait until morning. The road’s dark. I’ll have to take you to 

where I’m staying.” 

“Where” 

“Folks named the Stevens.” 

“Please no! They’ve only been good to me; I don’t want to drag them into this.” 

“Good to you” 

“I stayed with them at first.” 

“Huh. Well, they haven’t said a word about you." He smiled. 

“Then--how did you know it was me” 

“Told you, figured you might go to a dance.” 

“But I’m hardly the only girl here. Not even the only one who’s a cow.” 

He shrugged. “The wizard does all the transformations, so you can see his 

handiwork, as it were. Same spell, some variation. But you girls all look alike 

afterwards.” 

“What” 

“So, no worries, you won’t change much, this time. I bet it was a huge change the 

first time, though, huh” He winked. 

I glared at him. I saw no need to bare myself further to him. “I was thirty and 

unmarried. Take your best guess at what I looked like. As I said, this was my first 

chance at a real life. With a child to call my own!” I turned away from him. 

“Wait...” he said, spinning me around. “My turn to be confused. You were 

unmarried, but you had a child” 

“You weren’t listening. I was never a mother, but I came here...able to care for a 

child.” 

“But of course, it’s a dairy farm. Um. Begging your pardon, miss. But whose child 

is this you’re talking about”

“Mr. Lily’s. His wife was a cow, but she died recently. And now it falls to me, don’t 

you see The boy was scarcely surviving the fog. He doesn’t care for any nurse but me. 

I love the little thing, don’t you see” 

His mouth formed an “O”. “You mean, you volunteered to be a wet nurse” 

“What else could I do Let the boy starve And--I told you I had no child of my 

own, but when I saw him, my heart nearly burst.” 

“Christ’s rusty nails,” he breathed, then composed himself. “Begging your pardon, 

miss.” He squinted at me. “You’re really a girl, aren’t you” 

“Well, I’m no highwayman. Or even Moll Flanders.” 

“Who” 

I bit my lip, toeing the ground with my bare foot. “It doesn’t matter. Nothing 

matters, does it Take me away from here. I can’t even stand to listen to the music 

anymore.” 

“Why not Are you in such a hurry to turn yourself in” 

“You’re going to let me finish the dancing Is that your grand gesture tonight I tell 

you, it would be crueler than stabbing me.” 

“You really are dramatic, aren’t you” 

I felt the tears run again, hot this time. 

“Stop laughing at me! I’ve been laughed at my whole life. I know I’m ridiculous. 

It’s my fault! But for one--damned--brief time, I was useful! I cared about something, 

someone. And he depended on me. You don’t get it, do you Do you even have 

children” 

“None their mothers admit to. Never been married, either. I’ve lived.” 

“Have you Maybe you’re wrong, maybe you haven’t. I didn’t, I know that now. 

But perhaps it’s different for women.” 

“Perhaps it is.” He looked up. “Beautiful night, eh” 

“It is,” I said, not bothering to wipe the tears. In the cloudless sky, stars shimmered 

and swam. I quietly said goodbye to them. I didn’t think I wanted to go to the dairy 

farm. 

“Pretty cold, even for a copper, to take a boy’s nurse away, is what I’m thinking.” 

I stood there, not hearing the words for a long while. 

“Christ alone knows how far a cow can walk in a couple of weeks,” he said. “Wish 

I’d found her, but these things happen.” 

“Thank you,” I managed. 

“So, the next dance is a pavane,” he said. “Or so they tell me. I remember the 

name, because it’s about the only one I can dance even without a few broken ribs.” 

I turned to look at him. 

“Wounds, but you’re a fright,” he said. 

“Thank you.” 

“Here, let’s get you cleaned up before I ask you to dance with me.” 

“I’ve got this dance card, you must realize.” 

“I’m breaking how many rules for you tonight You can break one for me.” 

“Fair enough!” I cried, hugging him. 

Sergeant Lockwood inhaled sharply, moaning. 

“Oh sweet Jesus, I am so sorry,” I said, jumping back. 

“You said that, yes,” he said, panting and leaning against the side of the barn.

“Can I get you anything” 

He shook his head. “No, wait, yes, you can. Brandy and water, hold the water. 

Large one, if you don’t mind.” 

I kissed him on the cheek, then ran inside, hoping no one noticed my face. I dashed 

over to the punchbowl and damped my kerchief in the cooling bucket, using that to clean 

up. 

“Mary” said Lucy, touching my elbow. 

“Just getting a drink for someone,” I said, stuffing the kerchief back into my dress 

and reaching for a glass. 

She craned her head around to look at me. “You’ve been crying,” she whispered. 

“A little. I find myself prone towards emotion these days.” 

“Want to talk about it” 

“And get weepy again” I stifled a laugh. 

Lucy twisted her mouth. “Perhaps later, then. Now, who is the person you’re taking 

the glass to” 

“A Mr. Lockwood. Sergeant Lockwood, I mean. I suppose you know him.” 

“Oh, he’s a sweetie! He’s out here recovering from an injury he suffered. Says the 

country air does him good. But it’s all I can do to keep him from chopping wood.” She 

dimpled. “Hee. He is a bull, isn’t he Perhaps I ought to have introduced you sooner.” 

“It’s not like that! We were just talking, is all. For goodness sakes, must you play 

matchmaker with every man I meet” 

“Only the handsome ones.” She knitted her brow. “You were talking just now” 

“Mmmhmm,” I said, pouring a glass for myself, but taking care to water it heavily. I 

could still feel that second glass of punch. 

“About what” 

“Nothing important.” 

“Nothing important makes you weep” She looked around. We were alone by the 

back door. “Mary, please tell me.” 

I stopped with my hand on the door handle. “Your husband might be able to guess 

why a guardsman would talk to me. And it wasn’t because he fancied me.” 

She hit her forehead. “Oh, dear Lord! Jeremiah told me it was of no consequence 

anymore. Don’t go back there! We’ll hide you.” She put her back to the door, keeping 

me from opening it. 

“You know, then” 

“That when you were frightened you stole--what” 

“A few cabbages, that’s all. I wasn’t very successful.” 

Lucy flashed a smile. “I hate to say it, but that doesn't surprise me. Moll Cutpurse, I 

doubt you are.” 

“No. Not at all. But I don’t think he’s going to take me in.” 

“No” 

“As you say, he seems like a decent fellow. I told him William needed me.” 

“He does. But I think we all need you, Mary. This place is brighter for you being 

about. What would I do without my best friend to gossip with” 

“Stop it,” I said. “I thought you weren’t going to make me cry.” 

“Sorry! But we won’t let him leave town with you. I swear.” 

“Don’t get into trouble for my sake.”

She hugged me. “Leave the Sergeant to himself. I think you’ve missed one dance 

already. The boy struggled with disappointment.” 

“Who” 

“I forget. But he’s out there again, with some broad faced girl more apt to laugh at 

his jokes than serious Mary.” 

“Are you sure you’re a pony and not a cat” 

“Strictly amateur cattiness, dear Mary. I’ll introduce you to Miss Gambol sometime, 

and then you’ll see what I mean. But really, let’s back to the dance.” 

I gently pushed her away from the door. “No, I promised him his drink. His ribs are 

my fault. I head butted him whilst escaping, you see.” 

Lucy’s eyes grew wide. “You fought off a guardsman” 

“If you remember, I turned cow earlier than most. I had an unfair advantage in 

size.” 

“And most times, men have an unfair advantage over us in that regard. Don’t forget 

that.” 

“He’s not going to head butt me back!” 

Lucy giggled. “If he does, just shout and I’ll give him what for with a broomstick.” 

She looked at me again. “So he really decided to let you go” 

“I believe so.” 

She scratched her chin, looking thoughtfully at me. “And he is cute...” 

“Oh, be quiet,” I said, giving her a final push with my back. Balancing the drinks, I 

opened the door and slipped outside. I could hear Lucy giggling through the wall. 

“Ah, here she is at last,” Sergeant Lockwood said. He’d found a small bench and 

brought it over to the wall. 

“I’ll take that as a thank you,” I said, bobbing a curtsey as I handed him his glass. 

He sipped at it and frowned. “I hate to be critical, but did you put brandy in this” 

“Yes,” I said. I took a swallow from my cup and nearly gagged as the liquor burned 

my throat. 

“Sorry!” I whispered. “I think this is yours.” We exchanged drinks. 

The Sergeant patted my back as I started coughing. “I can tell you’re a cheap date.” 

“Pardon” I said. 

“Never mind. I just mean you should be careful around drink.” 

“I really don’t drink much besides small beer. And tea, when I can get it.” Once 

down, the brandy warmed my stomach well enough. It felt fair good in the cold. 

“Ah, tea. Vile stuff” 

“It’s hardly vile! It invigorates the mind.” 

“That’s no doubt my objection to it. But it does seem increasingly popular these 

days. Just started showing up in the market a couple of years back.” 

I sat down next to him on a bench. “Where is it coming from In my time, it comes 

from China.” 

“In your time You’re from another time” 

“And world, I think.” He listened to me as I told him a somewhat altered version of 

my life. A life where I’d always been Mary Hasting. But it would have been the same, 

no doubt. I’d still have been unmarried and penniless. And the threat of the mills would 

have been no less. Woman’s work had been destroyed, too. The only real difference was 

that women were paid less for their enslavement. The siren call of self destruction would

have been, if anything, louder. 

“Explains much,” he said. “You didn’t strike me as a complete idiot.” 

“Thank you, I think.” I noticed our legs were touching. I scooted a few inches 

down the bench and folded my hands in my lap. 

“Sorry,” he said. I saw his teeth flash in the darkness. “What I mean is that I 

wondered why such a bright girl like you would try to waylay a wizard.” 

“Perhaps I’m not so bright.” 

To my chagrin, he seemed to consider this. “No, perhaps not always fully aware of 

what’s going on about you. But not dim.” 

“Fair enough. But you aren’t shocked I mean, a month ago if someone had told 

me I’d end up in a different time, I would have thought them mad.” 

“That’s your world. We live on the edge of fairy land.” 

“We’re not in it” 

“No, praise God. I’ve met those who’ve done patrols there. Lucky to get back with 

their sanity, really. Even the good fey have a wicked sense of humor.” 

“I find the humor of the fog wicked enough.” 

“It’s probably a bit fey, yes. The giant was Unseelie, that’s for sure. Tall as a 

building, swinging a tree, one eye, lots of teeth. ” 

“Unseelie” 

“Bad fairies. Ogres, trolls, giants, and worse things without names. It was a bad 

patch here for a while when he conquered us. Perhaps our own fault, we’ve always been 

a center of trade and art. All the things that make dragons, giants and that lot stay awake 

nights wondering how they can get hold of them. Should have taken more precautions.” 

“And he just took over A single giant Surely you had an army!” 

“And a guard, thank you very much. You do remember the fog, don’t you Until 

the wizard came, we were nothing but a lot of beasts. Lasted three years, during which 

time I got heartily sick of grass. And before you chide this bull for not leading a charge 

against the giant, you should know that each time that happened, the brave souls found 

themselves turned into chickens or some such before they got within spitting range.” 

“Hard to lead a charge of chickens, eh” 

He glanced at me. “Harder still when they’re in a stewpot. It wasn’t some lark, not 

like the fog time is now.” 

“I didn’t think it was a lark. It frightened me.” 

“The first time always does, especially if there was no magic in your world. The fog 

isn’t particularly evil, but as you say, it has a strange sense of humor. It’s hard to explain 

what I mean by that, but you’ll probably understand what I mean once you’ve seen it a 

few times.” 

“I think I already do understand,” I said slowly. “I mean, I look just like my 

employer’s late wife.” 

“Huh. That’s odd. Unless--“ 

“Unless what” 

The Sergeant pursed his lips. “Just a notion of mine. I get those as a guardsman. 

I’ll chase little notions around in my head like a dog chasing his tail.” 

“What’s this notion, then” 

“Just that it must be tremendously awkward for you, working for him.” 

“Oh, I don’t mind. Mr. Lily is a good man, and doesn’t hold it against me. He even

lets me use her wardrobe.” I straightened my skirt. Somehow, Sergeant Lockwood had 

ended up sitting on the hem. 

“Does he He's certainly moved on, then. Is he shopping for a new wife yet” 

“Sir!” 

He shrugged. “Just asking. Speaking of shopping, what if I offered to take you to 

the town market tomorrow Would he mind” 

“The market” 

“Sure. Aren’t you curious People and things from a hundreds of different places. 

Different times, even.” 

I thought of Mrs. Lily’s books. “Can you get anything there" 

"Depends on the size of your purse. Besides, the Queen has strict rules about what 

can and can’t be brought in. Took forever before we started getting passable whisky 

here.” He turned to me. “I know, we can shop for tea. Would you like that” 

“I don’t know,” I said. “I mean, I’d love to, but I doubt I could get the time off.” 

I saw the back door open behind him. Mr. Lily stepped outside. 

“Hullo, sir!” I said. 

“Hullo,” he said. “And a good eve to you--“ 

“Sergeant Lockwood. You must be this young lady’s employer. She has nothing but 

kind things to say about you.” 

Mr. Lily looked at me. “Really Thank you, Mary. But I’m hardly her employer. 

She’s a guest, to be truthful. My son is in love with her.” 

“I can understand that,” Sergeant Lockwood said. 

Mr. Lily did not smile. “My son is but six months, Sergeant. Mary, I believe we 

have a dance If you don’t mind, Sergeant” 

Sergeant Lockwood gave me a hand up. “Not at all, not at all. Can’t really dance 

myself. Busted a few ribs, you see. There was a pavane earlier I could have done, but I 

ended up talking to this charming girl instead. I’m sure you sympathize.” 

“Somewhat,” said Mr. Lily. “Talking about what” 

“Just guard business, really,” Sergeant Lockwood said. “Tedious things. But I’m 

afraid I’m going to have to beg her silence in this regard.” 

Mr. Lily looked concerned. “Nothing dangerous, I hope.” 

“Not at all,” the sergeant said. “Just following up on the cold trail of a crime. She 

saw some things, but wasn’t involved at all. Still, can’t let things leak out. Mary strikes 

me as far too honest for her own good. Silence is better.” He winked at me and patted 

my hand. “Sorry to put you in such a spot.” 

I felt my pulse quicken. Taking my hand back, I said, “Not at all, sir. Anything I 

can do to help.” 

“Sounds as if the band is about ready for the final set,” said Mr. Lily. “Mary” 

I realized that he was holding his arm for me to take. “Good night, Sergeant,” I said. 

“Night, miss.” He paused. “I’ll come around tomorrow, then Say, just after 

breakfast” 

“Excuse me” said Mr. Lily, with a not altogether pleased look to him. 

“I have to get her official statement down at the station. If you can let her go for a 

day, that is.” 

“I’m not sure,” Mr. Lily said. “She has duties.” 

The sergeant smiled. “I thought you said she was a guest”

I interrupted, “I’d best help the sergeant, sir. Not to worry, I’m sure I can talk Mrs. 

Stevens into coming along with me. Between the two of us, we can take care of 

William.” Mr. Lily looked as if he was going to say something, so I didn’t even pause for 

breath. “A change of air would be wonderful for the boy, sir. He really is thriving, but 

he’s his father’s son, and I doubt very much you wanted much coddling, even when but a 

babe.” 

Mr. Lily held my hand. “You’re right there. Just stick tightly with Lucy. Lord 

knows I don’t want the two of you to get in any trouble in the city.” 

“Not to worry there,” said Sergeant Lockwood. “Her Majesty’s Finest will be there 

to serve and protect.” 

“I’m aware of that,” said Mr. Lily. “Good night.” With that, he led me inside and 

out onto the dance floor. The last dance was a vigorous one, and Mr. Lily spun me so fast 

that the world became a blur around me.

CHAPTER TWELVE 

“Good lord,” said Sergeant Lockwood when I came downstairs. “We’re just going 

to town. It’s less than a two hour walk. You don’t even need to pack lunch, I’ll buy when 

we get there.” 

“It’s not for me,” I said, hoisting the basket onto my back. “It’s changes for William 

here. And extra clothes lest we stay late and it gets cold.” 

“Don’t argue with her,” Lucy said. “Mary is a natural mother. She’ll bite your arm 

off if she thinks it’s necessary to ensure that William isn’t even mildly discomfited. Lord 

knows what she’ll be like with her own children.” 

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, dear,” I said. 

“I don’t know,” said Sergeant Lockwood. “Do you have a horse or something like 

that” 

“Something like that,” I said. “We’ve Mrs. Stevens.” 

“Hrmph,” Lucy said. “I suppose I might deserve that. It would be nice to snap 

one’s fingers and turn into animal form, wouldn’t it” 

“For one, William here could walk,” I agreed, beeping the boy’s nose. 

“Lalalalalgaga,” opined William enthusiastically. 

Lucy did volunteer to carry things, over Sergeant Lockwood’s earnest and 

apparently sincere objections. She had taken on the role of his caretaker, and she would 

not have him reinjuring his ribs. For my part, I felt guilty enough about said ribs. I was 

hardly about to make him carry things. 

The walk to the castle was thoroughly enjoyable. The spring air smelled of growing 

things and was just chill enough that we felt comfortable so long as we kept a brisk pace. 

The countryside was very much like England, but there was a certain perfection that was 

hard to place. Not that everything was new and tidy, far from it in fact. The old 

stonework fences that lined the roadway glistened with bright green moss, and the road 

itself resembled an ancient Roman road. But everything fit so well together, with hardly 

any cracks. The hedgerows were bereft of any brown and scraggly patches, and often 

were covered with colorful patches of climbing wildflowers. But most of all, the sky was 

bright blue, with only patches of fluffy clouds. There was no smoke from anything but 

the cottage hearths. I’d forgotten how omnipresent the black soot of the mills was back 

in my town. Once could always hear the infernal clank and smell the coal dust, no matter 

where or when you were about. Here, none of that was to be seen at all. It was a world 

scrubbed clean. 

And to be sure, the company was cheerful. Lucy taught us a few American songs 

that she said she used to sing to pass the hours during her journey. Sergeant Lockwood’s 

voice was necessarily short winded, but he had a lovely bass that seemed to reverberate 

through the ground. 

I wasn’t unaware that he had an eye on me. I would have noticed even if Lucy 

hadn’t elbowed me from time to time and whispered “He liiiiiikes you!” in my ear. And I 

had to admit, I found myself smiling back more than once. What girl wouldn't Oh, I

still had my moments of “what on earth am I doing in a dress”, but it was amazing what 

someone could get used to, I’d discovered. The mental change had been harder to accept, 

but there was no question it had happened. Since that afternoon I'd found myself staring 

at the woodchopper, I'd allowed myself to admit what the feelings I had around handsome 

men were. 

I certainly was having those feelings today. And they were hardly unpleasant. 

It wasn’t just the fact that Sergeant Lockwood was a strongly built fellow with 

beautiful eyes and somewhat out of control curly hair, though I had to admit to myself 

that I liked that well enough. It was more his cheerful, self-mocking smile as he told bad 

jokes. Or the way he actually seemed to care about where I was from, and seemed 

genuinely aghast that a few mill owners would be allowed to destroy the industry of an 

entire town. Kindness was hard to falsify, I decided. 

The Sergeant was justifiably proud of the town he guarded. If the countryside was 

well kept, the town and castle were works of art. The shops and stalls of the surrounding 

fair were no ramshackle affairs, but as sturdy as any croftholder’s cottage. Above it all 

towered the castle with its shining white walls and high peaked roofs. Flying buttresses 

that seemed spun out of crystal supported the inner bailey, which was a more of a 

classically designed manor than some ramshackle medieval fort. Despite the beauty of it 

all, I could see that there were more than a few guards pacing about in the towers, with 

sturdy looking siege engines set and ready to go. 

“Don’t worry, they’re all safe enough,” Sergeant Lockwood said, elbowing me 

gently. “But we’ll not have a giant here again. I was there when we repelled a giant bat 

attack a few years back. The Unseelie might have their eye on this place, but we’ve a 

few eyes turned in their direction, too.” 

“I’m not sure that makes me feel more comfortable.” 

“Would you rather not know what threatens you” he said. 

“I’d be more at my ease!” I said. 

He laughed. “You would at that. We often complain in the guard that that is exactly 

what people want. They want us to protect them, but they don’t want to hear about it, 

because the truth is unsettling.” 

“What’s the truth, then” asked Lucy. 

“That even in a setting like this, there is evil.” 

“Now who’s being overdramatic” I said, smiling at him. “You’ll scare William.” 

William was decidedly not scared, but instead launched into a running commentary 

on his surrounds. 

“I think he’s trying to talk!” said Lucy. 

“He is talking,” I said, bouncing William on my hip. “We just don’t understand him 

yet.” I buzzed my lips on his forehead, which made him gurgle happily. 

“Did I mention that Mary would make a wonderful wife and mother” asked Lucy. 

“Yes,” the Sergeant and I said together. 

“Let me hold William for a bit,” said Lucy. “Please” 

“Oh fine,” I said, disengaging one of my side curls from William’s grasp. “Be 

careful!” 

“I will,” she said. “Doesn’t the Sergeant need to question you or some such” 

“It can wait,” Sergeant Lockwood said. 

“I’m simply thinking of myself here,” said Lucy. “You two can take care of that,

then we can set to seeing the market. And maybe a bit of breakfast. That walk made me 

hungry.” 

“I’ll tell you two what,” said Sergeant Lockwood. “I’ll run over to the guard house 

and let them know I’m bringing a visitor in. You two can take tea at that shop over there 

in the meantime.” 

“Any coffee” asked Lucy. 

“Don’t know,” he said. “That’s more of an Araby thing, isn’t it” 

“Keeps my boy alive in the morning,” said Lucy. “But it’s gotten expensive of late.” 

“Coffee is here, too” I asked. 

“Coffee, tea, chocolate and champagne,” said Sergeant Lockwood. “Luxury goods 

from lord knows where. Merchants come here from hundreds of miles away to buy and 

sell them. Of course, in the meantime, it means we can get them right cheap here.” 

“Tea works,” said Lucy. “Just so long as they have chocolate.” 

I was happy just to put my feet up with a strong cup that Sergeant Lockwood bought 

for me. 

“So,” I said, stirring a lump of crystallized sugar into my tea. I was still abstaining 

from cream. 

“Yes” said Lucy, giving William a spoonful of honey. 

I watched the Sergeant’s departing form until I could no longer see him, then leaned 

over the table. “I thought you wanted to set me up with Mr. Lily.” 

Lucy widened her eyes with unconvincing innocence. “Is that what we were 

doing” 

“You didn’t exactly consult me, but yes. Now you’re all but singing the praises of 

the life of a guardsman’s wife.” 

“He seems very nice. Not as rich, of course.” 

“But more genial. Is that why you’re playing this game You are having second 

thoughts about your first match” 

“Not at all!” 

“Well, why are you acting like this” 

Lucy laughed. “See, I’m happy with my first match. That’s Jeremiah. You have yet 

to make a decision. And I think that’s important.” 

“Not to just marry the first man I meet here” 

Lucy leaned over to me. “Look at that girl you see over there,” she said, pointing at 

our reflection in a large mirror. “Ain’t she something to look at” 

“I can’t take any credit for that. It was magic.” 

“Could you take any blame for being homely before” 

“That’s unkind.” 

“No, it is not. It’s what you think. And what you still think. You were this 

wonderfully sweet gal who would have made the best mother in the world, and ended up 

stuck by yourself in a lonely cottage. And why Because mayhap your nose was too big 

or your bosom too flat.” 

Despite myself, I smiled. “That was the least of it.” 

“I’m sorry. I was once the ungainly girl, too. But, perhaps Providence was saving 

you, so you could care for your father. And now, you are the fairest flower in the village. 

But you don’t know it; you think you can’t expect anything. And when someone is kind 

to you, I fear you might not believe it.”

“I believe there were a few at the dance last night who may have looked on me with 

lust in their eyes. How is that for self regard” 

“A start. But you don’t believe anyone would love you and want you as a wife. 

That’s why I’m trying to make sure you want to marry Mr. Lily.” 

“By offering me someone else” 

“I’m in no position to offer, dear. I only can put the honey out where the bees can 

see it.” 

“Lucy!” 

“I said you’re sweet.” 

I was trying to think of a witty rejoinder when I heard a noise in the distance. 

Cha-chunk! Cha-chunk! it went, repeating again and again. 

“Mary” 

“I know that sound,” I said, springing to my feet and running into the street. I 

almost knocked down an older woman, but barely took the time to make apologies before 

jogging off. I paused and heard the noise getting louder. 

Cha-chunk! Cha-chunk! 

I stopped and looked up at the shingle above the shop. It read, “Beauregard and 

Associates, Silk and Pattern Weavers”. 

I pushed the door slowly open with a jingling of bells. Inside there was an old man 

at a wide loom, flinging the shuttle from one side to the other with practiced ease as his 

other hand held multiple colored threads for weaving into his pattern. I stood at the door 

watching him for a while. He may have been old, but his long limbs moved fluidly and 

with economy of motion. His graying queue swung from side to side as he leaned about 

to catch the shuttle through the separated loom threads. I realized that the shuttle wasn’t 

even a flying shuttle, but he was able to toss it across anyway with an odd flick of his 

wrist. He was lifting the colored threads in by hand without so much as a treadle, much 

less a Jacquard engine. It was like watching a ballet. 

“One moment,” he said. 

I looked around the rest of the shop, which had a few rolls of cloth, but mostly just 

framed swatches on the wall without any price. I could smell the silk against the sweet 

scent of cedar. In the bright light of the interior, the fabric swatches shone like something 

alive, with twining brocades that looked as if they were embroidered on. Without 

thinking, I took the nearest frame down and turned it over. The pattern was replicated 

perfectly on the back, without so much as a stray tie off knot. 

“It’s beautiful,” I said. 

“Which one are you looking at” he asked. 

“All of them. It’s been so long since I’ve seen handmade brocade.” 

“What do you mean” he asked, then stifled an oath. He looked up from the loom. 

“Sorry, miss. Just broke a thread.” 

“I’m sorry. I’ll let you be.” 

“No, no, it happens from time to time.” 

“I know. I have to admit, seeing a master like you snap one makes me feel a bit 

better. It was just the weft, though” 

“Thank God, yes.” He turned about on his stool to face me. “But it’s done for now. 

Which pattern were you interested in” I could see his gaze flick over me. I’d worn a 

simple kirtle today, of plain brown linen. Hardly the sort of thing I imagined his

customers typically wore. But court ladies or their servants didn’t have to walk four 

miles to town, or deal with William’s occasional burps on their shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m wasting your time. I can’t afford any of this. I just heard 

the loom, and it brought me here.” 

“You’ve done some weaving, then” 

“Grew up with it. My father was a master. But the trade’s near dead now. Where 

I’m from, that is.” 

“Dead What, your people go about in skins Or you mean there’s no money for 

brocade” 

“All the money in the world, without the sense to see the difference between the 

work of man and automaton. It’s preferring a pie with sugar plums to one with fresh 

fruit.” 

He rubbed his grizzled chin, nodding slowly. “I like pie, myself. But I’ve heard of 

machine looms. Isleton has a few, they run off the river down there. Nothing that would 

ever come here, mind you. The court loves their pattern weaves, thank God. So your 

father, he weaves still” 

“No, sir. He passed away years ago. I’m all that’s left.” 

“I’m sorry, girl.” He paused. “You aren’t wasting my time, not at all. I hate to hear 

such things, truly.” He stood up and walked over to the wall with the swatches. “Tell 

me, which one do you like the best” 

I walked up to a blue green silk swatch of damask with a hummingbird done in 

black. One could only see the pattern at certain angles. When the light changed, it 

flickered in and out of existence like a ghost. It wasn’t the brightest or richest fabric 

there, but it was done without error. 

“That one,” I said. “But they’re all masterworks.” 

“You’re kind,” he said, taking it off the wall. “Funny thing is, that one hasn’t sold at 

all. Perhaps the court folks here aren’t as sophisticated as they’d like to think. Or maybe 

they want things that stand out across the ballroom floor.” He shrugged. “I spent a 

month on that pattern, getting the right balance of threads. The floats I used are from 

spider silk, you know. Fey spiders, nothing I think I’d ever want to meet. But their silk 

is stronger than iron.” 

“It looks as thin as a soap bubble.” 

“It is. Perhaps another reason for it not selling. The gypsy girls might like it, 

they’re always decking themselves in acres of gauzy things. But I’ve never met a gypsy 

who’s willing to pay for anything. They’re wonderful musicians, mind you.” 

“I’m penniless, too, I’m afraid.” 

“Thought so. Father didn’t leave you anything” 

“No. But it wouldn’t have mattered, sir. I just came to this land last month. I was 

fortunate enough to find a place.” 

“A place” 

“I’m caring for a gentleman’s son.” 

“Ah. So, the daughter of a master weaver finds herself in service. Fortune’s wheel 

spins.” He frowned. 

“He’s a kind man. I’m not starving. But I’m not buying damask either.” I touched 

the edge of the frame. “Thank you for talking with me, sir. I can’t tell you how much it 

means to me.” I bit my lip. I was done with crying for now, I decided. I may have left

this behind, but at least I knew the art was continuing. Perhaps someday I’d have a small 

loom to do shawls and whatnot with. 

The weaver undid the frame and pulled the swatch out. It was about two yards long, 

the pattern repeating perfectly along the length. He held it up in the sunlight, and I 

watched it twist there, throwing facets of light around the room. 

“Did your father ever have you tie off broken threads” he asked. 

“Yes, sir. All the time. The key is to draw the ends back through the heddles, then 

fix it with a darning needle so it doesn’t show.” 

“I know.” He winked. 

“Sorry! Of course you do.” 

The weaver smiled merrily. “And of course you do as well. Mind you, I rarely do it 

without an oath or two. But I never was terribly good with needle and thread. Women 

seem to have it in their blood.” 

“I wouldn’t know about that, sir. Men can sew, just as women can weave.” 

“Whoever said they couldn’t I take it you were a weaver like your father Just too 

modest to say so, lest I think you’re boasting.” 

“I was nothing compared to you. But I was a journeyman. Journeywoman.” I 

kicked myself mentally. I’d just met him, and I was all but telling him I used to affect 

breeches. But he didn’t seem to notice, or care. 

“I think girls make better apprentices than boys do,” he said. “The last two boys I 

taught picked up and left town the minute they finished their seven years. Wanted to set 

up their own shops, you see. The one girl I had, she stayed and helped me for years 

after.” 

“What happened” 

“Happened Miss, I’m not that young. She’s a grandmother now, for goodness 

sakes. I think it might have been the fourth child that convinced her she needed more 

time at home.” 

“Oh,” I said. “She couldn’t loom at home and send you the fabric” 

“You know, that would have been a good idea. But I would have missed her onion 

pies either way.” He folded the fabric swatch in his hands. “This is yours,” he said, 

handing it to me. 

I took it from him gingerly. 

“Go on, miss,” he said. “It won’t bite.” 

“Thank you,” I managed. I rubbed it against my cheek. It felt warm, almost alive. 

“You have to pay for it, you know.” 

I started to put the cloth down. “You know I can’t.” 

“Of course you can. Grab that darning needle in my pincushion there and fix my 

warp thread here while I hold the weft. Lord, it’s been so long since I’ve had an 

apprentice, I forget how easy that job is with one to help me.” 

I tried to hold my face expressionless as I took the needle and fixed the thread. 

“Perfect,” he said when I finished. “You weren’t lying to me. And I forget my 

manners. Tremain Beauregard at your service, Miss...” 

“Hasting, sir. Mary Hasting.” 

“Well then, Mary, please come around again soon. This house you work at, it’s in 

the city” 

“No, sir, the country. A two hour walk.”

Mr. Beauregard looked thoughtful. “Well, I’m sure we can work something out. 

When’s your next half day” 

“I don’t know. I can ask.” 

“Sunday, then. You will come by and help me next Sunday, won’t you” 

“The Sabbath” 

“If it’s when you have, why not Work is approved of in the Good Book, after all. I 

mean to say, you’re not one of those Lilies, are you” 

“No! I mean, not to say...I just don’t know...” I stammered. How on Earth had he 

guessed Did everyone know” 

Mr. Beauregard looked puzzled. “I’m not sure what I said. I was referring to ‘the 

Lilies of the field, they Toil not nor do they Spin.’ Or weave. You’re not like that, are 

you” 

“No, sir! I’m happy to toil and spin. If there’s a market for it.” 

“Ha! Well said. Mind you, I won’t pay you a penny, and you’ll have to put up with 

a cranky old man. But I’ve a loom gathering dust in back, and not a single local boy 

worth putting in front of it. And the girls are all being saved for marriage. You’re not 

spoken for, are you Mary” 

“No, sir. Not yet.” 

He stared at me thoughtfully. “Sooner or later, you will be, I expect. Just try to find 

a local boy if you do.” 

I was still stunned with disbelief. Summoning my courage, I asked, “Are you really 

offering an apprenticeship” 

“Not really,” he said. 

“Oh.” I flushed with embarrassment. 

“You’re already a journeywoman, how can I But I’m happy to offer you a chance 

to work for free until and if I like your work enough to offer you a partnership.” He 

laughed. “Shameless old coot, aren’t I” 

I know my eyes were moist. “I think you’re wonderful.” 

He looked away quickly. 

“Mary!” I heard Lucy call outside. 

“That would be my friend, sir. I need to join her. I honestly just ran off when I 

heard the loom.” 

“Doesn’t surprise me. Oh, and Mary” 

“Yes, sir” I said. 

“Do you know how to make onion pie” 

“I’m learning new things every day, sir.”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN 

I apologized to Lucy for dashing off, trying my best to explain things as we made 

our way back to the tea room. 

“You’re going to be a weaver” she asked. 

I shifted William around. The little fellow seemed enraptured by the city, 

manifesting that fascination via frequent attempts to clamber out of my sling. 

“I am a weaver,” I said. “Father was, and I’ve learnt the trade.” 

“Women do make homespun and such,” said Lucy. 

“We were silk weavers! There’s no reason I can’t throw a shuttle as well as a man.” 

“Probably have a better eye for what looks nice, too,” said Lucy. “I’m just surprised 

he’d take you on. What with William and all.” 

“I hadn’t told him all of it,” I admitted. “I think he thinks I’m a governess.” 

“You would leave the household” 

I spun around to face her. “I don’t know! I don’t know what I want. An hour ago, I 

would have said that was my old life. I was done with weaving. Lord knows it didn’t put 

bread on the table.” 

“Or a babe in the crib,” Lucy said quietly. She touched my arm. “It’s what I was 

telling you earlier, dear. You needn’t make any quick decisions. On anything. You’re 

right, women weave. And if this old man wants to give you a few lessons, why not Just 

don’t shut any doors you might regret shutting.” 

“Like marrying Mr. Lily” 

“Or someone else.” 

“But then I’d lose William!” 

She sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. Maybe he could keep you on as a 

governess, as you said. Besides, you’ll have one of your own someday.” 

“Mmmmeemmu” asked William. 

I laughed. “But I’ve got this one right now, taking up my time.” I peek-a-boo with 

him for a few minutes until I could see it was suppertime. I was all too familiar with that 

look of his. 

“Hungry again” asked Lucy as I picked the lad up. 

“You can tell” 

“I think so. I need to learn, you know. Fairly soon.” 

I raised an eyebrow as we sat back down at a booth in back. I used the silk to cover 

William as he nursed. “You mean you’re...” 

“Second month I’ve missed my time. Usually it’s two weeks out from the fog.” 

It suddenly occurred to me that I hadn’t thought about that issue at all. I had a 

notion that it happened once a month. “I haven’t either.” 

“But you’re nursing, dear. Nursing mothers rarely do. You really were raised by a 

man, weren’t you Must have been awful the first time.” 

“People get by,” I said. “But enough about that. Congratulations!” 

Lucy smiled wryly. “I hope so. Lost one already, you know.” She patted her belly.

“But I think I’m stronger now. I’ll wait a week to be sure, then tell Jeremiah.” 

“I won’t breathe a word to him,” I said, solemnly crossing my heart. 

“Won’t breathe a word about what” said Sergeant Lockwood, taking a chair around 

and sitting on it backwards with his arms resting easily on the back. 

“You startled us!” said Lucy. 

“Amazing the things one hears when people think a bloke’s not around,” he said, 

winking. “Trust you had a good lunch, then” 

“I really didn’t get a chance,” I admitted. “But I’m not really that hungry.” 

“Eat,” said Lucy, pushing a plate of strudel towards me. “It’s good, and you need 

the strength.” She turned to Sergeant Lockwood. “Sorry, but you’ll need to wait a little 

longer for your interrogation.” 

“Oh, that’s fine,” he said, leaning over and grabbing a loose piece of the strudel. 

“Got nothing but time today. Remember, I’m on half pay owing to my ribs here. Can’t 

go back to work until they’re all healed up. Never know when I’d need to run after 

someone.” 

“I’m sorry!” I said, looking up from William. 

“Stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault,” said Lucy. 

“No worries,” said the sergeant. “Gives me the day off to escort two pretty ladies 

around, what So, Mary, let your friend there finish stuffing you, then I’ll take you two 

up around the guard towers. You won’t believe the view of the world you can get up 

there. Feels like you’re flying. Or so I’m told. Bulls don’t fly.” 

“Or ponies,” said Lucy. “To be honest, I think I’ll stay down here. I’ve never been 

one for heights.” 

William seemed finished, so I burped him and started cleaning him up while he 

wiggled. “I probably need to stay here with this one, too,” I said. “I don’t know about 

climbing stairs with him.” I squinted at the towers. “Those look awfully high.” 

“Oh, you’ll have a good time,” said Lucy. “And don’t worry about William. I’ll 

watch him for an hour or two. That’s what I’m here for.” 

“Are you sure” I said. 

“I’m not your chaperone, if that’s what you’re thinking,” she said. Out of the corner 

of my eye, I could see Sergeant Lockwood adopt what could only be called a studiously 

impassive face. “And don’t you need to be questioned about whatever it is the two of 

you are being so mysterious about” She smiled at Sergeant Lockwood. “Just don’t 

throw her in the dungeon, sir. A few cabbages are nothing, aren’t they” 

Sergeant Lockwood suddenly broke into a long laugh. When he stopped, he said, “I 

should have known you two might talk amongst yourselves. No, not throwing Mary into 

the dungeon for a few cabbages. She was hungry, anyway. Can’t blame her. And as I 

said, half pay isn’t too awful a fate, though it makes things tight at times, what with 

having to pay for my own room now.” 

“You’re a sharp one, ain’t you” said Lucy. “I’ll talk about that with Jeremiah when 

we get back. In consideration of your leniency and all that. Now, Mary, give me William 

to play with.” 

“I think he’s sleeping,” I said. 

“I’ve got a book to read,” Lucy said, firmly taking the boy from my grasp. 

***

“Mind your step,” Sergeant Lockwood said from behind me as we wound our way 

up the narrow spiraling stairs. “Gets a bit slippery at the top.” 

“It’s these shoes,” I said, stopping to adjust the offending slipper. “Really should 

find some proper boots, but I’ve been mostly using the late Mrs. Lily’s things. She had 

an eye for fashion.” 

“But not practicality, eh” 

“I don’t think she clambered around castles with guardsmen much, no sir.” 

“Please, just call me Hal. Or Sergeant, if you want to crush my spirits by being 

formal.” 

I carefully turned around to look him in the eye. 

“Speak plainly, or not at all, would you please I’ve had nothing but hints and 

suppositions since I’ve gotten here.” 

“Plainly I’ve not been called a subtle man in...come to think of it, I don’t think 

anyone has ever called me that. Leastwise, back in the day, no one ever said ‘Hal, you 

turned into a bull Never would have thought it!’” 

Despite being my feeling peevish, his earnest look made me smile. “So, you were 

always this bluff” 

“It’s a funny thing. People seem to be an awful lot like their animal side, even when 

they’re people.” 

“Oh So, what are dairy cows like when they’re people” 

“Nice enough girls, but apparently not capable of climbing and conversing at the 

same time. Four more turns, and we’ll be at the top. Not that I mind chatting with you in 

the cold and damp inside, mind you.” 

“You’re being sarcastic. Stop it.” 

“I’m being truthful. I do like talking with you. But I’ll also be truthful and say I’d 

like a bit of sun.” 

“Warmer” 

“And the view is better. For all the romance of candlelight, I like to see pretty things 

in the light of day.” 

I turned and started moving up the stairs. “That’s what I mean by not speaking 

plainly. I mean, if you think I’m attractive, why don’t you just say so” 

He snorted. “Can’t win for trying, can I I mean, I’m either some bluff bull who 

offends you with frankness, or I’m some silver tongued courtier who can’t talk straight.” 

“It’s not that,” I said, bounding up the last set of stairs. I really did seem to have 

good legs. For all my difficulty lifting heavy objects, I seemed to have no problem 

moving myself at least. And I admit, I was taking some delight in out climbing Sergeant 

Lockwood on his home turf. 

“What is it, then” he asked from below. “Now it’s your turn to speak plainly.” 

“It’s just that so much has changed, and I really just need someone to--“ My words 

were cut off as I slipped on the landing to the tower top. I stepped on the bottom of my 

dress and tumbled backwards. 

Sergeant Lockwood grunted sharply as he caught me around the middle. “Christ’s 

blood, girl, didn’t I tell you to watch your step” 

"I'm sorry! Good Lord, your ribs!" 

"It's fine. Just don't poke me so hard." Lockwood smiled. "And stop apologizing.

Your friend was right." 

"But it was my fault," I said. I noticed his arm was still around my waist. But it 

didn't seem the time to move away. Besides, the stairs were slippery. Like it or not, I 

probably would need some help getting to the top. 

"It was, yes," he said. "I mean, you hit me at a full stampede. But you were 

frightened. And looking back, you were new to this madhouse, weren't you I mean, you 

showed up, hungry and desperate, and got turned into a cow for your trouble. I 

remember the first time. We all do. If we're lucky, it happens like it did for your friend. 

People like her, they know it's going to happen. Heck, most have a choice to stay or 

leave the area." 

"And other people" I asked, peering up at his face, half shrouded in the gloom of 

the stair. 

"People like us, you mean" He brushed some loose hair out of my eyes. 

"You weren't a criminal." 

"Were you really, Mary Or did you just try to pinch the purse of someone who was 

a wizard Tell me, when was the last time you'd eaten" 

"That morning. I confess I had little appetite." 

Sergeant Lockwood shook his head. "I'm a copper. Probably always will be. But 

I'm not callous, you know. You were starving. People don't just start eating left and right 

when they turn, not like you did that night. Most folks, well, it takes a bit before they're 

willing to tuck into a nice bit of grass." 

"Cabbage, if you remember." Despite the damp, I noticed I felt very warm for some 

reason. 

"I do." He touched my cheek with his rough hand. "Come on, let me show you 

something. Mind if I hold onto you" 

I inhaled. "No, not at all." 

"Good. Don't want you falling on me again." He winked. "That's a joke, lass." 

We walked up the last flight, his arm securely around me. I found that I needed it, as 

my step seemed unsteady. The Sergeant gave me a hand up through a trap door. 

I was nearly blinded by the light. The castle walls around and below us were pure 

white, almost as if they'd been cut from quartz. Long, thin spires rose around us, their 

tops inset with hundreds of sparkling windows. And we were suspended above nearly all 

of it, on the top of a narrow guard tower linked by arcing buttresses to the main 

battlements. Far below, I could see the colors of the castle town, a thousand different 

shops, all brightly painted, each unique but somehow forming a harmonious whole. 

"Takes your breath away, don't it" he said. 

I clutched at his arm. "I admit, I don't feel completely safe." 

"Ha! Safest place in the kingdom, right here." He patted an elaborate crossbow the 

size of a wagon, fitted with complex clockwork gearing. "This is for any aerial attack, 

but keeps a bead on the whole around us. The giant wouldn't have gotten very far at all if 

we'd had these the first time." 

"It's amazing. I've seen castles, of course, but nothing like this." 

"Half fairy magic, all pure art. This castle was rebuilt with the skills of the best. 

This land is where all the merchants come, all the artisans. Anyone who is anyone in 

anything wants to be here. Fog or no." 

"I know," I said quietly. "Today I met a weaver. I thought I never would again. But

he was the most brilliant weaver I'd ever met." 

"Your father was one, wasn't he" 

"And his father's father, and his father before him." 

"And his daughter" 

I turned towards him. His arm still around me, this pressed me against him. "His 

daughter learnt the trade well, Sergeant Lockwood. So well she was offered a chance to 

weave again today." 

"Were you" Lockwood lifted me up a few feet, then winced. "Ouch, sorry, being 

overenthusiastic." 

"Aren't you always" I said, holding his hands. 

He tilted his head to the side. "It's good to see you cheerful. I was beginning to 

wonder if I could see you smile." 

I let go of his hands and gestured around me, ignoring a dizzy feeling of vertigo. 

"How can this place not make me smile It's beauty. It's everything I've always wanted 

to see." 

"Everything" 

I sighed. "But I don't know if I can have it." 

"Why the devil not You're a clever girl. I can see that." 

"But I have a child to care for. And he's important to me. More than weaving, I 

think." 

Lockwood frowned. "But surely you can do both" 

"I'm not sure how Mr. Lily would feel about me spending so much time weaving." 

"Who cares what he thinks" Lockwood grabbed my shoulder for a moment, then 

let go. 

"Oh," he said. "Well, damn me for a fool. I'm sorry, Mary. But really, you ought to 

have said something." 

"What" I shook my head. 

"You and him, right Most governesses don't shy away from a better position. I 

mean, you'll need to nurse the boy for what, a few more months Forgive me for my 

bluntness." 

"That's fine." It hadn't occurred to me, but he was right. I felt an odd sadness sneak 

over me. 

"But you don't talk like that. You talk about things like you've stepped into his old 

wife's place." 

I stared at the city below. In the distance, I could see the miles of green fields 

surrounding the castle, running all the way up to the edge of a great plateau where it 

suddenly dropped off into blue clouds. I looked, but had no idea where Mr. Lily's estate 

was. 

"I feel that way, too," I said slowly. "But I'm not sure I want to." 

"No" 

"No. I feel as if I'm dogged by a ghost. Sometimes I feel I am that ghost. I sleep in 

her house, I wear her clothes, I nursemaid her son." 

"You love her husband" 

"I'm not sure I know what love is, Sergeant. I'd be a fool not to marry him. That's 

what everyone says." 

"What did you say when he asked"

"He hasn't." 

Sergeant Lockwood started laughing. "Women! Good lord, you don't love him, and 

he hasn't asked you to marry him. So, what on earth is the problem" 

I flushed hot with anger. "The problem Try being a woman, sir! I need to get 

married to ensure I won't starve. I remind you I once nearly did. And if I don't love, 

well, I respect. And he respects me. I don't need words to tell me a man's interest." 

"You don't" He raised an eyebrow. 

"I can tell when it's obvious enough." I crossed my arms and looked him in the eye. 

"Poor Mary," he said, putting his hands on my shoulders. "I think you need to stop 

worrying so much about what others want, and more about what you want. It's the only 

real way to live. Where's that girl who wasn't afraid to pick the pocket of a wizard" 

"I didn't." 

"Oh What on earth did you do to make him so mad He's a genial sort, really." 

"I held him up with a pistol, if you must know." 

"Did you" Lockwood grinned wildly. "A pistol! We hardly ever see those around 

here. But you know how to use one." 

"Not really. It was Father's. I'd never practiced. Almost shot my foot off." 

"That's hilarious!" 

"Stop laughing at me! That's all 'doing what I want' got me. An unmarried fool, 

unable to even be a proper criminal." 

"No, Mary. You're not a fool. You're brave and resourceful. I can see that. It wasn't 

following your dreams that got you here. It was bad luck." 

"You think so" 

"You're not the first or the last to come staggering through here, half bedraggled and 

confused. But most run into someone first." 

"I did. I tried to rob him." 

"Are you trying to convince me that I should take you in" 

"No," I said. "I know I deserve it, but no." 

"You don't deserve it! There's an actual office in the castle that tries to help 

wanderers, secure positions for them. Or else they would end up like you, unable to feed 

themselves. It's a recipe for crime." 

I found myself smiling again. "You sound more like a philosopher than a 

watchman." 

"Do I Maybe time spent wandering the streets and seeing things people would 

rather not show you gives a body a different take on life. You aren't going to rob anyone, 

not now that you've a way to feed yourself. No point in taking you in. We've enough 

cows in the Royal Dairy already." 

"That's what happens to criminals here The wizard turns them into cows" 

"I know, it sounds bizarre. But before he started doing that, we just would shoo the 

crooks out during the fog. If they aren't around for the monthly disenchantment, then 

they stay however they are. It's effective, most creatures can't do much harm and 

speaking as someone who has been an animal for over a year, it gives you a lot of time to 

think. I guess that's where that philosophy of mine comes from." 

"But cows" 

"Might as well put them to work." He glanced at me and winked. "And they come 

out cute enough at the end."

"All of them" 

"Some variations in the spell, but the wizard seems to have it where he wants it. I 

understand that it's really just unleashing the fog. Most of the time, he holds it back. 

Whatever that giant had, it was powerful magic." 

I had to ask. "So, anyone who was a criminal ends up as a young girl who looks like 

me, then. What do you do for the men Bulls sound dangerous." 

"You think we are" He grinned. "What about cows, Miss Stampede and Break My 

Ribs" 

"We're more useful. You just said so." 

"Ha! See, that's the flash of spirit I like in you. Yeah, no one knows about the dairy 

outside of the guard. Former cows tend not to stick around. Most leave town." 

"Why" 

"I think you know the answer. Girls like you who hold up wizards are a rarity. 

Mind you, the worst of the lot, we still hang. But there's a lot of just plain ornery folks 

who will swing a cudgel before they think. Most of them are men, but after a year as a 

cow, they look like your sister. Calms them down considerably, I hear. But for obvious 

reasons, most are too embarrassed to stay here." 

"I'm sorry," I said. "Milking people Turning men into women Your world is too 

strange for me." I turned to look out over the sparkling city. I'd known this, but hearing 

it said so matter of factly was bothering me. That, and something else in the back of my 

mind was trying to get my attention. I wasn't sure I wanted to examine whatever that 

thought was. 

"It the world we have, my dear. But it's the truth, you know. Told you, I walk the 

streets at night. My job is to see the truth here. Most just ignore it, just like we pretend 

this is one happy fairy tale kingdom. Or like we don't talk about the time before the 

wizard came." 

I turned around to face him, my back pressing against the battlement, nothing 

between my shoulders and the ground but a hundred feet of air. "Tell me, then. Tell me 

the truth." I held eye contact with him. 

Sergeant Lockwood stared directly back. "Madness, that's what it was. The fog was 

thick, and the giant used it to melt walls and melt human forms. I remember sitting in the 

kitchen, hearing screams, hearing the screams turning into wild animal barks. I was 

running by the dairy when it hit me. You know what it felt like." 

"I do. But what of the days after You say no one speaks of them." 

"Some lost their minds, decided they'd always been animals. Remember, the 

passions and tastes of the form come with. Once, I had to toss a wolf who tried to attack 

the cattle. But slowly, most came to again. We made sure we acted like intelligent 

beings. Keep the place neat, figure out who was who, all that. Of course, we had to 

worry about the giant. He certainly had a taste for meat." 

I shuddered. 

"I won't speak further of that," he said. "But you want honesty Folks got their 

minds back, but we all figured ourselves to be animals for the rest of our lives. People 

paired off, and got on with things. Started raising families, even. People still won't admit 

that a child was conceived under the full moon, but there were litters born during the fog 

time. Like I said, no one thought we'd change back. We were animals." 

"So no one talks about it at all, then They like to act as if it never happened"

"Yep. Mad thing is, there's no getting around that it did. Some folks never 

reappeared after the fog. It's a way of sneaking off to a new life. And some probably got 

eaten." 

"So many" 

"A lot. And enough new folks came by, no one really puts much stock in who you 

claimed to have been. Most of us look different enough you'd never recognize us. So 

anyone can claim any background, really. One reason gents like Lily made it big 

afterwards is that all of the nobility didn't get their land back. Too many contested 

estates. And there's that whole primogeniture thing." 

"Pardon" 

"Noblewomen who used to be noblemen. Happened a lot in the earlier days, it being 

so random. And what of your sister who is now your brother Around here, eldest male 

inherits. Call it idiotic, but it's the law. Can't settle things It's the Queen's then, and she 

would bestow it based on service to the Crown." 

"That's hardly fair!" 

"Is it We all get handed whatever the day we're born. But this is like throwing the 

dice all over again. And that bothers folks. Me, I figure people are what they are now. 

You can either recoil and mutter about unnatural magics or you can get on with life. For 

all my mouth, I wasn't big and strong before. Heck, I bet you wouldn't have given me a 

second glance, hollow chested boy that I was." 

I heard myself say, "I didn't care for men much, until recently." 

"Thought so," he said, stroking my hair. 

I grabbed his hand. "You knew And you still touch me like that" 

"Christ, Mary, I didn't know. I just suspected. Overheard you asking your friend 

details about things any woman would know about. And you turn the wrong way when 

you dance. All the time." 

I flushed hot with embarrassment. "Lord! Leave me be! You see me as some..." I 

couldn't finish. 

Sergeant Lockwood placed his hands softly on my shoulders, leaning over to meet 

my gaze. "You weren't listening. Life is filled with things we haven't any say in. You 

didn't choose to be born a man, and you didn't choose to be reborn as a girl. You can't 

change the life you've been given." 

"No..." 

"Mary, do you think I'm some monstrosity" 

I shook my head, hot tears running down my face. I thought of the gulf behind me. 

One quick lean backwards, and I could fall away from this. But who would care for 

William 

"Mary" 

"No, you're a good man." 

He held me tight around the waist. I wondered if he'd guessed at my thoughts. 

"Times were mad," he said. "And after a year, the cows were drying up, you know. 

The giant kept them alive for the milk, and possibly because it would have been too much 

trouble to fight us bulls. All four of us. And twenty five cows." 

"What Why are you talking about this" 

"Because at the time, I was a bull, Mary." He looked away. "And I like to think of 

myself as a decent fellow. Not to put too fine a point on it, there's a few unfortunate kids

around here who look a bit like me." 

"Good lord." 

"But what else could we have done Without a calf on the way, they would have 

dried up. So, how does siring cattle stand next to recognizing a pretty girl when I see 

one" 

"But you had to!" 

"I could say it was onerous, but truthfully, it was what I was at the time. And what 

my cow friends were. 'Course, I had some decency. Romantic walks, back rubs. All 

that." 

Despite myself, I laughed. 

"There you go!" Lockwood said, hugging me. 

I felt my breasts squeeze against his good side, reminding me abruptly and pointedly 

of many things. But I didn't pull away. I wasn't sure I could. 

"You really don't care" I asked. 

"I don't. I'm a philosopher. A lot of folks do, though, so I'll keep it quiet. New 

people, or people who think that they escaped any great disruption in their lives through 

some imaginary virtue of their own." He wiped the hair back out of my eyes. 

I bit my lip and hugged him back. "Thank you, Sergeant." 

"Hal." 

"I think I like Harry better," I said, running my fingers through his beard. 

"Then, my dear, I'll be Harry to you." He took my hand and kissed the fingertips 

lightly. 

"You said no one was surprised you became a bull" 

"Not really. I admit, there is some correlation." 

"I don't think I'd have made a good bull." 

"I'm sure your boy agrees." 

"He's not mine." 

"If you could ask him, what would he say" 

I looked up at him, my cheek pressed against his chest. I was going to ask him if he 

really believed everything he said, or if he was just trying to make me feel better. 

I opened my mouth to speak, and he covered it with his, gently holding the back of 

my head as we pressed together into a long kiss. I let my lips part and closed my eyes 

against the surrounding brightness. I felt an indescribable yearning in my heart, it just 

thrummed there beneath my ribs as our mouths nibbled absently against each other, 

stirrings growing stronger within me, but not feeling unnatural at all. I felt perfectly 

right, there, being held by his strong arms. And holding him in return. 

We embraced closely, chest to chest. I gasped slightly when I felt him become 

aroused, but there wasn't anything repugnant about it. Far from it, I found myself 

pressing against him even more strongly, feeling sensations of my own, albeit not as 

outwardly obvious. I clung closely to him as his hands started to stroke my back at the 

edges of my shoulderblades, lightly and deftly pressing tension out of them. 

Harry pulled his head back, placing a finger on my lips. "I think we'd best stop," he 

said, stepping back and holding my hands in his. 

My mouth was open and I was panting softly. "I'm..." 

"Don't say you're sorry," he said, brushing my cheek with the back of his hand. "I'm 

not. Well, perhaps a bit. I shouldn't take advantage of you like that."

"It's not taking advantage," I said. "You're kind to me." I swallowed and looked 

down. "Strange enchanted creature that I am." 

Harry shook his head. "No. Not enchanted. The magic comes and goes, and what it 

leaves in its wake doesn't even smell of sorcery. You're just a girl, Mary, just like any 

other. Well, perhaps prettier and nicer than most. And a good amount of spirit there. 

And that's where I'm wrong. You're not some bouncy bar wench for me to squeeze like 

that. You're of finer stuff, and I ought to leave you be." 

"Don't," I said. 

"No, really. You could snag yourself a landholder, a gentleman even. I know, he 

hasn't said a word to you yet, but he most likely will. That is, unless he sees you as 

wanton." 

"I'm not wanton!" I said." 

"Not at all. But I can't offer you anything in return, Mary. I've no estate, I'm just a 

watchman, currently on half pay. Truthfully, I'm not looking for a wife. Maybe someday, 

but not now. I just like you, is all. If you were a local girl, I'd like to see more of you, 

show you around, hear about your life. All that. But that's not the same as what you 

might get offered back in your village." 

"Perhaps that's all I'm ready for," I said. "I like you, too. You saw right through me, 

yet you still seem willing to show me about, as you say." I squeezed his hands. "I can't 

tell you how much that means. Please don't walk away from me." 

Harry laughed. "Not likely to. Just trying to give you a bit of room, is all." 

"Perhaps I don't want room," I said. 

The second kiss was longer than the first, broken only, and perhaps fortunately, by 

the realization that Lucy was still waiting downstairs for us with William. 

"My, don't you look pink and healthy!" Lucy cried as we joined her back in the tea 

shop. "Doesn't she, Sergeant" 

"She does at that," he said, nodding at me. I had my hand respectably placed on the 

crook of his arm. But descending the stairs had required him to hold me around the 

waist. Or so we had decided upon consideration. I found myself smiling at the thought 

of it. 

"Mary, you need to get out more often," Lucy continued. "No exercise is no good 

for you." 

"I get exercise," I said. "There's always something to be done." 

"In a room, fussing at William or applying needle to your work," Lucy said. "All to 

the good, but you need more fresh air I think. Look at what a simple climb did for you!" 

"It was more than a simple climb," I said. I still felt flushed, no doubt owing to the 

exertion. But Lucy was right, I felt wonderful for it. 

"She's a hardy soul," said Harry. "I could barely keep up. But we got to where we 

were headed soon enough." 

"Oh" said Lucy, arching an eyebrow. "Well, she does have energy, but she also 

needs to get out of the paddock every now and then." 

"You forget, it's the dairy shed for me," I said. Unaccountably, I found myself 

giggling at this. 

***

"Well, let me invite you over to our paddock, then," Lucy said. "By which I mean 

near daily. I've missed you the past week. I finally get someone to chat with, and she 

gets tied up with employment." 

"You should befriend more of the idle rich, then," I said. 

"I'm trying, dear, I'm trying," she said. "But a daily walk would keep you hale, I 

think." 

"Daily" I said. "But William--" 

"Is doing just fine right now," Lucy said, stroking the boy's head. He obligingly 

continued to sleep. "He can certainly manage being carried less than a mile each way. 

And the air would do him good, too." 

"I don't think I can argue," I said, taking William back from her and adjusting him in 

his sling. He barely stirred. "It has quieted him down, no argument there." 

"Then it's settled," Lucy said, clapping her hands. "Unless our boarder has any 

objections, of course." 

"Less than none," Harry said, grinning broadly.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN 

It was a wonderful day. I couldn’t remember having been so happy in...truthfully, I 

couldn’t remember having been so happy. I had led a lonely life, and a quiet one in my 

family’s house after my family had passed on. People came and visited, but it was 

infrequent. I should have gone to church more, but seeing the haggard faces of the mill 

workers who’d once seemed so full of life was more than I could bear. Perhaps we had 

avoided each other out of a mutual sense of “there but for the love of God go I”. 

And yet, here I was, with two cheerful friends on either arm, full deep in the hustle 

and bustle of a market. It was as dizzying as my trip to the top of the tower had been, and 

just as warming. Lucy had an eye for shops that would be filled with wonders, and none 

seemed to gainsay our lingering without much intent to buy. For his part, Sergeant 

Lockwood knew every cobblestone in town, and more than one stall owner called out to 

him, often with a winking comment about securing two ladies for an afternoon stroll. 

Speaking of strolling, Harry insisted on a pair of walking boots for me. When I 

objected, he laughed and said he didn’t feel up to carrying me back, which is what would 

no doubt happen if I insisted on walking miles in house slippers. The argument was 

sound, so soon enough I found myself outside the cobbler’s admiring his displayed work 

and wondering how I would look wearing it. Perhaps I was developing a woman’s 

vanity, I mused. Perhaps I just had more to be vain about these days. 

I wasn’t sure how I felt about leather anymore, but after a bit of consultation with 

the cobbler, he found a sturdy pair of boots with embroidered cotton uppers. Once again, 

I protested to Harry about the cost. But I admit, it was a half-hearted argument, and one I 

didn’t regret losing. 

I wasn’t entirely dim. I knew exactly what it meant when a man bought a young 

lady gifts. Being who he was, Harry’s gift was practical, which would give him a chance 

at plausible deniability should I confront him about the obvious. That obvious was the 

fact that, whatever he might had said after our kiss, he hadn’t given up the notion of 

courting me. 

I tried to decide how I felt about that. After a near month as a woman, I felt that I 

had a sense for certain things, such as whether I wanted another kiss from him. I 

considered that as we walked back together, and realized that I wanted considerably more 

than a kiss. Even just resting my hand on his arm made me need to swallow. Repeatedly. 

But there was more to being courted than that. For all his genial disposition, I really 

hadn’t known Harry that long. We might be on first name basis, but I gathered that the 

people of the castle village put less stock in that than my time did. Kiss a boy, call him 

by his Christian name. It had a certain logic. But there was a long step between thinking 

a fellow made for good afternoon company, and contemplating being his wife. I 

somehow doubted that my appraisal of his character was wrong, but at the same time, I 

doubted that his appraisal of his situation was wrong. He really was impoverished, 

without even so much as a cottage to his name. For all his purchase of today’s boots, life 

with him might be less than comfortable.

I hated myself for thinking such things. I’d always looked down on women who the 

locals had felt had married for lucre over love. That wasn’t to say that the same tongues 

didn’t wag when some poor girl of moderate means pledged herself to an impoverished 

cottager. But in the latter case, I at least could sympathize, being an impoverished 

cottager myself. The former sort of marriages seemed more akin to a well struck 

business arrangement. 

But now, finding myself on the distaff side of the species, I understood those girls 

entirely too well. Especially in my time, a woman depended on her husband for not just 

her livelihood, but those of her children, too. It was all very well to speak of how love 

might compel one to sleep on a hillside in the rain, but love brought little ones to care for. 

Only a truly selfish woman wouldn’t consider that. 

As if in answer to these thoughts, William picked that moment to stretch a hand out 

of his sling. Taking the hint, I made my apologies and we stopped as I cared for him. 

The little fellow needed me. I might not be a mother, but I did have my obligations. 

At least for a while, that small voice of reason said in the back of my mind. A child 

eventually weans. A nursemaid isn’t a mother, not of her charge. I felt a small tear 

trickle down my nose at the thought. It was true. Harry had said as much up on the 

tower. Mr. Lily wasn’t offering marriage to me. I was just his son’s nurse, and when the 

time came, I’d be on my own. 

Was that such a bad thing I might be a woman, but I could still find work enough 

to keep myself modestly. It was only after marriage that a woman’s lot was entirely 

thrown in with someone else’s. Absent the need to care for William, I’d need to care for 

me. I’d been as much as offered a position by Master Beauregard. Perhaps a certain 

amount of independence was what I needed. It wouldn’t come overnight, any more so 

than William’s independence. But when the time came, both of us would be ready. 

After the boy finished, I wrapped him securely in his flannel swaddlings. I wiped 

my last tear away before the others could see it. I kissed William gently on his forehead, 

being careful not to wake him. It was the start of a long goodbye, but even real mothers 

had to say farewell to own their sons eventually. Someday, I might have a son of my 

own. I realized I wanted that day more than anything. But desperation and impulse 

never made for well forged plans. If I’d learned anything in the last month, that would be 

it. 

The remnants of daylight worked their way across the nursery floor as I tucked 

William in. I was finishing up his lullaby when the room darkened enough that I could 

see a light reflected in the window above the crib. The last words of the song on my lips, 

I turned to see Mr. Lily in the doorway to the hall, holding a single candle that 

illuminated his face from below. 

“I love to watch you caring for him,” he said, walking towards me. He suddenly 

smiled, breaking his dark countenance with a flash of white teeth. “I thought you might 

want a guide afterwards. The sun still sets early, and I see you haven’t so much as a 

rushlight.” 

“No, sir,” I said, curtseying. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I’m sorry.” 

He furrowed his brow, then resumed his smile. “Sorry For having more thought 

***

for my son than yourself Don’t be foolish. As I said, I can’t tell you how much your 

kindness to him means to me.” 

“He needs me,” I said simply. “For a while, at least.” I glanced at the crib. William 

was already sound asleep. “Any woman would feel the same obligation.” 

“And you think I can’t tell the difference between feelings born of obligation and 

those born of the heart” His smile was gone, replaced by another look. Something 

intense and searching. His eyes fixed on me, dark and shining in the candlelight. 

I realized my lips were parted as if to speak, but no words came. 

Mr. Lily placed his hand on my shoulder. “I’m puzzling you, aren’t I Forgive me. 

Too much time alone in this house has given my thoughts too much time to wander in my 

head. If I’m not careful, I’ll turn into one of those bewigged and perfumed 

philosophers.” 

“Not all philosophers wear wigs and perfumes, sir,” I said. “Don’t we all wonder 

about what the eternal truths are” 

“Do we” he said, arching an eyebrow in amusement. “Tell me, Mary, what are 

those eternal truths we need answers to” 

I felt myself flushing. I hoped the light was dim enough that he couldn’t see that. 

“I’m just prating, sir.” 

He shook his head. “No, no you’re not. And you’re right. We all want to know 

reasons for why we’re here. It gives us the necessary direction in life, direction that no 

number of weak chinned reverends can convincingly give us, no matter how long they 

drone on every Sunday. We want answers from real men, who know their own hearts.” 

“And real women” 

Mr. Lily suddenly pulled me to him and hugged me. “Well said!” 

I was too shocked to move at first. Then I slowly took his hands off me and stepped 

back. 

“Forgive me,” he said. “You touched a chord there. I meant nothing by it.” 

“Nothing” I said, tilting my head. I wondered how foolish he thought I was. 

“Everything and nothing. How’s that Do I sound like one of your philosophers 

now” 

“In the sense that you haven’t explained yourself, yes sir.” 

He glared at me briefly, then flashed that smile again. “I deserved that, yes.” He 

walked to the crib and leaned over William. “I think you are one of the truest, most real 

women I’ve met. I can see that every time I see you with my boy.” 

“No, sir. I'm merely fortunate,” I said, stroking William's hair. “Caring for your son 

is simply natural. It would be impossible for me not to." 

“That’s what I mean,” he said. “Your first thought is always to nurture. It's the 

center of a woman's soul, just as a man’s is the need to provide.” 

“You would call these obligations.” 

“Unless they come from the heart. That is what makes you real.” 

“You read my heart so easily” 

He laughed suddenly, almost violently. Startled, I stepped back. 

Mr. Lily waved a hand a me. “Oh, don’t dart off like some wide eyed doe. You’re 

more solid than that. We cattle have our feet firmly planted on the ground. That’s our 

strength.” 

“That I have firm feet You know how to flatter a lady, sir.”

He snorted, sounding very much like a bull. “You banter well for someone as young 

as you are.” 

I looked away. “I’m not so young. I’m over thirty, and was never married. The 

change gave me youth again.” 

“And a second chance” 

I turned back to look him in the eye. “I was right,” I said. “You read my heart 

easily enough, don’t you” 

Mr. Lily closed his eyes for a long moment. “Only because you leave it open for all 

to read, Mary.” 

I could feel tears trembling around my eyes. “Now who is bantering” I said, with 

forced cheerfulness. 

“Both of us!” He clapped his hands together. “But if we’re to play that game, at 

least let us do it on a full stomach. I’ll have Amy draw a bath for you, then you can join 

me for supper.” 

I started to protest, but he waved me off. 

“I won’t hear no,” he said. “You’ve had a hard day’s travel, and you need a full 

belly.” 

I glanced down at myself. I did feel travel stained. “And a well scrubbed body” 

He winked. “I wouldn’t object, but I’m far too polite to mention it.” 

“Tell me about Mrs. Lily,” I said, stretching myself under the hot, soapy foamed 

water that filled the bathtub. Mr. Lily might have been austere in some regards, but he 

hadn’t spared expense on the bath. A day in the castle market had accustomed me to 

seeing artistry in simple things, and this was clearly made by someone who knew what 

made for a good bath. It was made of solid iron with a lining that appeared to be some 

sort of porcelain, with wide armrests on either side and a comfortable ledge on which I 

was resting my head. More than large enough for a man Mr. Lily’s size, it very near 

swallowed me whole in its comfortable embrace. Best of all, in a bit of clever 

engineering it had pipes that led directly to a copper water vessel warmed by the heath. 

The water was tempered to just below the point of painfully hot, and I loved every minute 

of it. 

Amy paused with the scrub brush she had been applying with all due force on my 

skin. 

“I don’t know where to begin, ma’am,” she said. 

I turned around to face her. “’Ma’am When did I warrant that” 

She shrugged easily. “I suspect I might as well get used to saying that. He might 

soon expect that. I’ve already been informed you’re to be treated as an honored guest.” 

I shook my head, dislodging a tied up braid into the water. “I don’t need honoring. I 

need friendship. That’s harder to find.” 

Amy gave me a small smile. “An honored friend, then” 

“I’d like that. But you haven’t answered my question.” 

“Mrs. Lily She was much like you. I liked her, although many said she was a 

foolish lady.” 

“Am I foolish, then” 

***

“I didn’t mean--“ 

“No, it’s fine,” I said. “I think I am foolish. I haven’t the slightest notion of what 

I’m about, really. I keep stumbling along, and find myself here in this wonderful bath, 

about to have dinner with the local squire. Caring for his son is the only thing I think I do 

well, but when has that ever elevated a nurse to the stature of ‘honored guest’ There’s 

more to it, and I want to know.” 

Amy nodded as if to herself, and resumed scrubbing. “First of all things, as you’ve 

just shown me again, you’re not foolish. Not like Mrs. Lily was. She was a lady, and 

you’re still a girl, you see. You’ve been thrust into this household without so much as a 

by-your -eave, and yet you quickly fit in and made yourself useful. Really, you’ve shown 

yourself more sensible than most girls would have been in your place.” 

“How sensible I haven’t the slightest notion about anything. I mean, why is Mr. 

Lily so generous to me” 

“You can’t be serious.” 

I squeezed the water out of my wayward braid. “I am completely serious. I know 

you’re going to tell me he fancies me, but I’m no one. He could name any number of 

prettier girls with a dowry and family behind them. Why a lowly nursemaid” 

“We’re going to have to do something with that hair of yours.” 

“You didn’t answer.” 

“Perhaps I did. I think you value breeding more than Mr. Lily does. A girl with a 

lady’s maid can always be dressed up. But a well dressed lady can’t always be taught 

sense.” 

“Again with the sense.” 

“You know your way around hearth and home, is all. And for all your talk of low 

breeding, you’re a tradesman’s daughter. May I even guess at a master tradesman” 

I nodded. I wondered how I could be so transparent in so much, and yet not have 

anyone but Sergeant Lockwood suspect my greatest secret. 

Amy continued, “And he’s a yeoman. Mind you, one we all respect, perhaps even 

more so for how he rose to owning so much.” 

“But Mrs. Lily was gentry.” 

“Impoverished, yes. A softness to her voice, a way of manners, all that. Or perhaps 

she was just a good actress. I somehow doubt the latter, though. She was too dreamy to 

be duplicitous. But you see how it didn’t work out” 

“Dreamy paired with the practical” 

“Precisely.” 

“But you say we’re alike. I know I have something of her looks, but beyond that, 

what” 

Amy started fiddling with my hair, gently pushing my hands away when I tried to 

block her. 

“More than something of her looks, Mary. And don’t discount that, for all it’s no 

doubt just the land’s magics being mischievous. Or perhaps being wise, and trying to tell 

him something. You have her grace, with more modesty. The good, without the bad.” 

“By bad, you mean lack of sense You don’t know me that well, then. I’m perfectly 

capable of that.” 

“To the point that you would spurn all this She was starting to. After the bloom of 

romance wore off and she swelled with child, I could sense the disenchantment in her.”

Amy sighed. “Saying that, it makes me sound altogether too perceptive. More than 

once, she would actually tell me that she felt that she had made a mistake. That she had 

walked too quickly into marriage and motherhood, out of fear.” 

I gasped. 

“Sorry girl,” Amy said. “Pulled too hard there. I think we can dry your hair a bit by 

the fire, then I can put irons to it. I’m sure it will curl just as easily as hers once did.” 

I was silent, as I let Amy curl my hair with Mrs. Lily’s hair irons, towel me off with 

her soft linens, then dress me in her clothes. I wondered if this was what a doll would 

feel like when little girls dressed them and made them play at being ladies. I wondered if 

Mrs. Lily had felt the same way the first time she had been bathed and dressed by Amy. 

It all suddenly fit. At that moment, I knew what I had suspected for some time. It 

wasn’t random mischief of the fog that we looked alike. All former convicts looked ‘like 

my sister’, as Sergeant Lockwood had said. Most left town for distant lands with people 

who wouldn’t know them and mock them. But people who’d wandered in from other 

times had no real reason not to stay. They might even hold out hope that some random 

twist of the fog might revert them to their old selves. And eventually, they’d resign 

themselves to their new lives, with whatever new situation chance had cast them into 

Mrs. Lily and I had both had come to this household and ended up playacting a role 

that someone else had conceived. She had flinched from it, in the end. But I wasn’t sure 

I wanted to. If I was to be honest with myself, I needed to count my virtues as well. And 

Amy was right, I could be sensible when I put my mind to it. I wasn’t ever going to be 

Ned again. Sitting in a warm tub, having my hair gently tousled, I realized that wasn’t 

such a bad thing. I’d been miserable, on the point of doing myself in, or at least allowing 

someone else the chance to do me in. I wasn’t Ned anymore. As Sergeant Lockwood 

said, I’d been reforged. If I wanted a good life as Mary, I would have to accept whatever 

direction I needed to take. 

The only trouble was, I had no idea what that direction was yet. I could accept being 

a young girl of some sense and much beauty. But be as that may, girls seemed to have no 

more idea about what to do in life than boys did. 

Amy led me to a looking glass. Wiping off the steam with a linen, she gestured to it. 

The woman staring back at me looked beyond elegant, from her curls falling around her 

oval face, towards her subtly embroidered housejacket, down to the spread of her soft 

wool skirt. The illusion of nobility was broken only by an unmistakable awkwardness in 

her eyes. 

“You look perfect,” Amy said. 

“It’s too much,” I said. “I’m only having supper.” 

“Too much for my apple dumplings” Amy said teasingly. “It’s only a house coat, 

for all the fancy birds it has sewn on it. But truthfully, there is little that isn’t so fine, 

aside from a few traveling things. She never was one for working around the house. 

You’ll just have to get used to it.” 

“I should get my own things.” 

“Don’t be foolish, dear. These are your own things, now. No one else can wear 

them.” 

“You could have them refitted,” I said, still staring at myself. 

“Me No, dear. In a way, I think they were made for you. Now, if you’ll excuse 

me, I’m going down to the kitchen to set out the food. Why don’t you come down in a

few minutes Once you hear me leave.” 

“But...” I turned around. 

Amy shook her head. “No buts. I think he wants to talk to you privately tonight. I 

admit it, he’s caught me eavesdropping. A vice of mine, I fear, and I don’t care to press 

him on the issue. The ‘I shall see you tomorrow morning’ was more than enough of a 

hint for me.” 

I must have stared. 

“Don’t look like that, child!” Amy said. “He’s a decent man. And yes, he probably 

has something significant to ask you. I can’t give you your answer.” 

I started to tremble. Amy placed an arm across my shoulders. 

“Mary, remember there are shades of grey betwixt no and yes. But if you don’t see 

grey, don’t feel you need to. Just remember your sense.” 

She held me for a while until I stopped shaking, then tapped my nose. 

“I will see you in the morning,” she said. 

I took my time descending down the stair, as much to compose my thoughts as to 

avoid tripping on my petticoats. For all the spaciousness of the house, the stair was rather 

steep, and I couldn’t help but remember that was how Mrs. Lily had met her end. At least 

I had the sense to cling firmly to the banister. 

How did I feel about Mr. Lily, really He was a kind man, one who had taken me in 

when I had nothing. And he was devoted to his son. For all that, he seemed to hold 

depth to him, with his emotions churning below an outwardly still and stoic demeanor. 

As I remembered how he’d held me a few hours ago, I found my breath shallower and 

my heart quicker. 

But was that just him As I made my way to the dining hall, I reminded myself that 

I had most certainly enjoyed Sergeant Lockwood’s attentions as well. How much of my 

feeling for Mr. Lily was simply discovering what the sight of a strong man with dark eyes 

did for me these days Was I just throwing myself at the first handsome men I'd met 

Sergeant Lockwood and Mr. Lily were altogether different sorts of men, though. 

The Sergeant was cheerful, but would that cheerfulness last “Shine is for the moment, 

the metal beneath is what lasts” as the old men would say about girls. I was certain the 

old women would say the same about men. Harry had a fair amount of shine, and no 

doubt he was a brave man. But he himself had said he wasn’t looking for a wife. Mr. 

Lily might be. 

Did I want that, just now I realized that the one thing I had liked about Harry was 

the notion that I would need to be somewhat independent before seriously considering his 

attentions. The notion of not being completely dependent on a man was attractive, quite 

possibly because I was new to the skirt role I was playing. But was it practical Had 

Master Beauregard offered me anything other than a place to play at weaving on Sunday 

afternoons Should I make life decisions based on an impulsive offer from an old man I 

had met but once Perhaps the best course of action would be simply not to make a 

decision. Stick to the grey, as Amy had suggested. And of course, there was always the 

possibility that Mr. Lily simply wanted company for supper. 

I was mulling this over as I entered the dining hall. It was a simple lamp-lit affair, 

***

with a wide hearth and sideboard filled with pies, grain sausages and fruit dishes. 

Nothing that couldn’t be saved for tomorrow, I noted. Mr. Lily rose to his feet at the end 

of a short oak table with two chairs next to each other. I noticed a decanter of wine at his 

elbow, now about three quarters full. 

“Welcome to my far too empty board,” he said, gesturing expansively. He was clad 

simply in what looked to be a leather jerkin and wool breeches. The wire wrapped 

buttons on his jerkin were his only nod at fashion. He’d left the bottom of the jerkin open 

in the local manner, which allowed me to spy the undyed linen lining. His shirt beneath 

was thin from a hundred harsh washings. I could see his muscularity through it, which I 

admit wasn’t an unpleasant effect. 

The lamplight threw shadows across his face, but made his eyes glisten like dark 

river stones. I found myself smiling at him as he led me to my chair where a plate of 

dumplings was waiting, filling the air with steamy sweetness. 

“I beg your pardon for not having you dine with me before,” he said. 

“I haven’t wanted for food.” 

“I’ve wanted for company. But, you have to realize how people talk.” He shrugged 

diffidently. “I didn’t want to presume.” 

I stood next to my chair. “Amy said you had something to say, sir.” 

“Amy talks too much. If I hadn’t seen her on hooves, I’d think she was a hen from 

the way she clucks on. As I said, people talk. I’ve tried to shield you from the worst of 

it.” 

“Thank you, sir.” 

“Edward,” he said. “I insist this time. I don’t dine with my inferiors. And you 

aren’t my inferior, Mary. Not at all.” 

“Very well, Edward,” I smiled at him again, then had to look away as my heart 

skipped. I was struck by how beautiful he was in the light, darkness carved like some 

sort of stone, a distant wave shrouded rock through a break in the mists. Terrible in its 

strength, striking in its solitude. 

“Please,” he said in the uncomfortable silence. “If you don’t sit down, I shall be 

forced to hand you food where you stand. Etiquette book writers the world around would 

disapprove.” 

I sat. “I didn’t know that you cared so much about etiquette books.” 

“I don’t,” he said, grinning. “But as I said, I do despise talk. Rumors are a terrible 

thing. So let’s not give them any cause.” 

“Says a man who sent away his one servant before asking me to dinner.” 

He looked angry for an instant and half rose to his feet. Then just as quickly, he sat 

down again, chuckling. 

“So saucy!” he said. “I didn’t think you had it in you.” He stretched, which allowed 

me to admire the lines of his arms. There was much to be said for male beauty. It had a 

strength that the feminine variety lacked. And, to be perfectly honest, it made me feel 

good to gaze upon it. 

“Not saucy,” I said, recovering my composure. “Truthful. For one who is 

concerned about what the neighbors think, you seem surprisingly ignorant of what people 

might say about an unmarried girl left alone with a man.” 

He shook his head. “No, not unaware, Mary. But you didn’t have to stay.” 

“What Turn down your hospitality Run off into the woods, abandoning my

charge” 

Mr. Lily scowled. “Have I made you upset” 

“No. I’m sorry. You’re right. We can only control what others think to a certain 

extent. Then we must ignore them, being confident in our own selves.” 

He clapped. “Well said! And with that, let’s eat. We can speak more of your 

philosophy once we’ve full bellies.” 

“And a well scrubbed body” 

“I see Amy did attend to that,” he said. “And, if I’m not mistaken, a bit of lavender 

scent.” 

I hadn’t noticed, but when he mentioned it, I realized that my hair did smell of 

flowers. Amy must have anointed me when she did my hair. Oddly enough, the smell 

made me hungry, and I quickly tucked into the dinner. 

“I hate to say it, Edward” I said some time later, “but I think I’ve acquired a beast’s 

dinner habits. I’ve been naught but grazing here.” In fact, we both had said little as we 

demolished the dinner, leaving crumbs scattered across the table. 

“Don’t mind it,” he said, pouring me another glass of wine. I liked it enormously. It 

was fresh and fruity, not at all aged. I had a country taste when it came to drink. I 

preferred to be able to taste what the drink came from. 

I nibbled at the edge of the crystal goblet. “So long as I don’t chew my cud, I will 

live I suppose.” I giggled, suddenly self-conscious. “We keep some of the habits of the 

form, don’t we” 

Edward nodded seriously. “We do. You may have noticed I never have meat in the 

house. Fish on occasion, but that’s it. Or perhaps you notice that you can stand for long 

periods of time without fatigue. In a way, we are right now a bull and a cow enchanted 

into the form of a man and a woman. Just as we keep some human ways when we’re 

beasts, we can’t escape the fact that it goes both ways. Especially with the fog just a few 

days away again.” 

“Oh. I’d nearly forgotten.” 

“Does it bother you” 

“No.” I blotted at some of the leftover sauce with a roll. “Well, I’m lying. Yes, it 

frightens me.” 

“Why” 

“Because, I don’t want to be a beast. I want to be me.” 

Edward leaned towards me and took my hands in his. I breathed deeply through my 

nose, smelling his nearness. 

“You are always you, Mary. And that’s what I love about you. Your soul shines 

through your skin. Truthfully, it drives me almost mad to see it.” He glanced down. 

“I’m not unseeing. I know perfectly well what you’re afraid of. I promise to stay away 

from you in bull form. There are--passions that are hard to resist when one is a beast. 

But here in human form, we can talk about these things as man and woman.” 

I sat back. “Do you really see me, Edward Or do you see someone you’re still in 

mourning for” 

“No!” He clutched at my arms as I shrank back. “Don’t say that. You’re not her. 

That’s your beauty. It’s as if I’ve been handed someone with her ways, her manners, her 

outward sweetness, but this time it’s all real. It’s not just a glamour my imaginations put 

upon someone undeserving.”

I felt myself grow cold. “I think that’s a cruel thing to say of the mother of your son. 

One who no doubt loved him as--“ I broke off. 

“As you do No, Mary, she was a poor mother. Seemed to resent every minute she 

carried him, and was indifferent to him when he was born. Mrs. Ambrose wet nursed 

William even before my wife died.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “But I 

am cruel, yes. I wanted her to be something she wasn’t. And I shouldn’t speak ill of the 

dead.” 

“No, you shouldn’t,” I said as firmly as I could. “Many say she had goodness, for 

all her dreaminess.” 

His bright smile flashed once more, and I felt warmth again. “You have been asking 

around. Yes, she was one of God’s creatures, just as we all are. And holding anger past 

the grave is unseemly. But you need to know, she was less than honest with me.” 

“About” I said, holding my breath. I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer. 

“Who she was. What she was. I thought she was nobility.” 

“I remind you, sir, I am nothing myself.” I tried to sound stiff, but somehow failed. 

I found myself stroking sides of his arms as he held me. 

“But you don’t affect nobility. And I’ve learned, Mary, Lord God, I’ve learned. It’s 

character, not birth that makes us what we are.” 

“And fog,” I said, watching his face. 

He simply nodded. “I agree. But I think the fog sometimes exposes the inner 

character of the person. Perhaps I’m a thick headed bull when it comes right down to it. 

And you--well, you’re a beautiful woman my son sees as a mother.” 

I stared at him. His eyes were wet. 

“What if I wasn’t always a beautiful woman, Edward” I said softly. “Would you 

care” 

“How could I, after seeing your real beauty” He ignored the tear that worked its 

way across his care worn face, like rain on granite. It didn’t change anything underneath. 

“I know," he said. "Thirty and unwed. Plain and aware of it, as Amy of the wagging 

tongue told me. No wonder you think so little of yourself. But I see you as you are.” 

“Do you really” 

“Better than you do, I think,” he said, leaning forward and undoing my tresses. 

Lavender scent filled the air as they came loose and fell down, blocking my eyes. 

I reached a hand up in half protest, but he took it and kissed it slowly and gently. 

“Sir,” I said, struggling for breath. 

“I won’t take advantage of you, Mary. I won’t take anything you don’t wish to 

offer.” The tear had finished working its way down his cheek. None had followed its 

trail, but his eyes still shone. 

“I think...” I said, as he undid one of the ties to my jacket. “I can offer nothing.” 

“You’re wrong,” he said, slipping a hand inside my jacket and placing it on the small 

of my back. “We both can offer each other something. Ourselves. It’s been a lonely 

road by myself, Mary. I need a true companion. A strong one.” 

The room seemed to brighten as I stared over his shoulder, unable to meet his eyes 

just yet. I knew I'd be lost if I did. I didn't know what I wanted. No, that wasn't true at 

all. I felt an wonderful yearning in my body, a strange hunger spreading from my center 

outwards. I could smell his musk cascading over me and mixing with the lavender scent 

Amy had bestowed on me. I wanted him more than breath at that moment.

But something held my arms back, kept me from reaching around his back and 

pulling myself to his form. Amy was right. I had sense, whether I wanted it right then or 

not. And that sense told me that proper girls didn't just give themselves to men. Not men 

whose opinion they wanted to hold. 

He doesn't care, another part of my mind said, its voice whispering in my ears 

around the roar of blood. He's a man who expects to get what he asks for. And you know 

what he's asking. 

"Mary" Edward whispered, his mouth close enough to my ear that I could feel the 

warm moistness of his breath. "Don't be afraid. There is nothing you need fear from 

me." I felt his hand work its way under my jacket towards my bodice. Gently, very 

slowly, he began to unhook it. 

I should have moved. I may even have wanted to. But I was rooted there, able only 

to turn my head away. I stared at the wood floor, watching the grain of it glowing in the 

lamplight, twisting on itself in inscrutable patterns. Then I felt his lips on the back of my 

neck, warm, comforting, and something else. I felt as if I was melting, and found myself 

growing damp and hot, my body once again so very far ahead of my conscious thoughts. 

I moaned softly as I turned my head back towards him, burying my nose in his thick 

hair and kissing him lightly. 

"There is my sweet Mary," he whispered. "A true woman. The end of my 

darkness." 

"I'm not..." I tried saying something, but couldn't. Not a quest, not light, not a doll, 

not an ideal. I wanted to ask him not to think of me that way. I was not even a true 

woman. I considered that. No. That, at least, I was. There was no doubt of that 

anymore. 

"I'm just me," I said, gasping as he kissed me again. "Just Mary." 

"My Mary," he said, untying the top of my chemise and cradling my left breast in his 

hand. He ran his thumb around the edges of my swollen nipple. It felt so different from 

when I fed William. It felt as if we'd crossed a threshold beyond which there was no 

return. 

I opened my eyes wide and stared up into his. His pupils had filled his eyes, making 

them almost pure black. I could see glimpses of my face reflected in them, disappearing 

as the hearth's fire guttered. 

My overdress dropped to the floor as I found my hands pressed against his chest, 

feeling his muscles work as he caressed my breasts, running his other hand down to my 

buttocks. He began to toy with the ties to my petticoats. 

Down the hall, William began to scream. 

I stepped back, pushing myself off him with my hands. The room seemed to tilt 

dangerously as I leaned against the table. I looked up. 

"I'm sorry!" I said, backing away. 

Breathing heavily, Mr. Lily dropped his hands to his side. He gave me a curt nod 

and turned towards the fire. 

Without stopping to gather my clothes, I dashed down the hall, clutching my jacket 

for warmth.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN 

In the nursery, William was turning red from squalling, but otherwise seemed fine 

enough. He didn't even need a change. I held him tightly to my chest, rocking him back 

and forth as I walked in front of the hearth. His screaming settled down into fitful cries 

as I clucked at him. Distantly, I could hear the sound of Mr. Lily pacing on the 

stonework flooring. 

As Amy had told me more than once, William was an easy baby. Colic just wasn't 

like him. He seemed upset by something, though. Lord alone knew what. His eyes were 

wild and dark, reminding me of nothing so much as his father's eyes. 

"Will you be teasing the hearts of girls someday" I whispered in his ear. William 

seemed to consider this, turning his cry into a gurgle. He blinked a few times, then 

reached for my exposed breast. 

"Mmemmooa," he said emphatically. 

Like father, like son, I thought to myself. I almost laughed, but I could feel that 

creeping at the edge of hysteria. Cuddling William calmed me down, but I could sense 

Mr. Lily nearby. His presence, impatient and brooding, still quickened my pulse and 

distracted my mind. 

What on earth had I been thinking It was all very well for me to entertain marriage 

offers. But Mr. Lily hadn't so much as brought that up. A small spark of anger rose 

inside me, counterpointing the ardor I was still feeling. I'd been seconds away from 

raising my skirts and letting him have his way with me, like a wayward maid in a 

broadside tune. For all his talk of light and trust, I recognized the silver tongue of a rake. 

I'd known men like that. I confess, I had even envied them their ability to woo. But now 

that I was on the receiving end, I realized just how easily a girl could fall that way. 

I stroked William's head. Thank God for the child, he'd brought me back to my 

senses. I didn't have a high opinion of my "sense" right then. A sensible girl would have 

said something, even left the room. More than that, she would have never have allowed 

herself to be alone with a man like that. She might have insisted on staying with Amy, or 

invited Philip and her to the house. 

Nothing for that now, I realized. I encouraged William to suckle a bit longer. I 

needed some time to think. I could hear Mr. Lily's increasingly rapid pacing just outside 

the room. I knew perfectly well that I couldn't trust myself if he came in. I wanted him 

so very badly. Just thinking about him was making me feel achy. I found myself 

fantasizing about him holding me again, feeling his skin against mine and moving my 

legs apart to take me. I might have no experience with that, but my body was very clear 

on what it desired, filling my head with vague but strong wants. If I went back into the 

dining room, I was certain that my body would win over my unjustly vaunted sense. 

I had to leave, at least for an hour or so. I placed William back in his crib. He'd be 

fine until morning, I was certain. I'd just be outside, walking off my passion. Perhaps 

someday, I could allow Mr. Lily to touch me as we both wanted. But only on respectable 

terms. I wasn't about to become his "bouncy serving wench." I'd sooner be a spinster

wet nurse, if it came to that. I had nothing left from my old life, and precious little in this 

one. But I did have my soul, and my soul needed self respect. 

Kissing William on the forehead, I tied up my jacket and looked out into the 

hallway. Halfway down the hall, Mr. Lily was standing in the doorway to the dining 

room, his frame silhouetted against the ruddy light of the hearth inside. 

"Shall we begin again" he said. He beckoned towards me. 

I almost lost myself then. But there was something in his tone. Perhaps it was just a 

shade on the smug side, as if everything that was going to happen that night was a 

forgone conclusion. I wasn't his to command. I'd not sworn any vow, and perhaps I 

never would. And until then, I was my own. 

I wasn't able to say any of this, however. Frankly, at the time, my thoughts were 

hardly that well formed. It was more instinctual reaction than anything else. I ducked 

back into the nursery and leaned against the wall next to the crib, trying to breathe as 

easily as I could. I reached to my side to loosen my bodice, then remembered I'd left that 

and my overdress in the main room. Any difficulty in breathing was the fault of my 

mind, not my garments. 

"Mary!" Mr. Lily shouted. 

"Have a care for your son, sir," I said in a stage whisper that I hoped carried down 

the hall. "He might wake if you yell." In fact, William seemed content now, and barely 

stirred when I reached down to stroke his hair. 

I heard Mr. Lily approaching. 

"I'm sorry," I said. "I can't. I bid you good night." 

"What" he said. 

"It's all too much!" 

"Damn it, Mary, will you come out here You're acting like a child." 

By his voice, I judged him to still be a ways down the hall. 

I could feel my pulse in my throat. I should have stepped outside into the hall and 

told him to treat me with respect. But the thought of his face stopped my words before I 

said them. I wasn't sure if it was fear or lust, but either way I could no more have told 

him to let me be than I could have told the wind to be quiet. 

Half-frenzied, I leapt toward the window and threw open the sash. Cold, damp air 

billowed in. For all the damp, the night outside was clear and well lit by the gibbous 

moon. I scrambled out the window and let myself down outside, landing with no dignity 

at all in a flower bed. Without taking the time to brush myself off, I ran down the garden 

path and hid behind a hedge. 

Looking back, I could see Mr. Lily at the window. He yelled my name a few times. 

Then I heard the window slam shut with a muffled curse. I had started to wander down 

towards the gazebo when I heard the sound of someone running in the distance. 

Tightening my jacket like an improvised bodice, I ran towards the woods. I lost my 

right shoe in the first few steps. Stones cut into my foot, but I ignored them and stretched 

out my stride. I could run fast enough, I discovered. 

I swung my arms out wildly, not slowing at all until I reached the bramble at the 

edge of the forest. From the dampness of the bottom of my skirts, I realized that I must 

have run across a stream. I hadn't even noticed. 

I didn't hear Mr. Lily anymore. The woods seemed to be less exposed, so I 

staggered in deeper. Soon, the only light was the occasional silver shaft of moonlight.

The bramble fortunately cleared out, and the ground beneath my sore feet was thick and 

mossy. I felt safe again. But as my heart slowed, I found myself shivering in the chill. 

I'd have to find some place to curl up, if I didn't wish to catch a fever. 

I have no idea how far I walked. I kept seeing little sparkles at the edge of my 

vision, but when I turned to look at them, they were gone. I wondered if it was the fey. 

Not that I was too worried. What tricks could the little people play on me that hadn't 

been played already 

Curtseying at the darkness, I addressed it in a calm voice. "If you can hear me, I do 

apologize for I'm not able to give you cream at the moment. Let me be, so I can live to 

see another day, and my hearth will always have a warm pot of it. As my father's 

daughter, I promise this." I rose from the curtsey, feeling foolish. Simply because one 

lived in a fairy kingdom didn't mean that there were fairies about. A duke had a country 

home near my old village, yet I'd only seen him but once or twice, and always from a 

distance. The thing about fairy stories is that they are just that--stories. 

I slumped against a tree, letting my back slide to the ground. I'd really made a mess 

of things. The one man whose good opinion I needed was no doubt turned against me 

now. So, he'd wanted to have his way with me, what of it It wasn't as if I hadn't wanted 

that, too. I was probably still fighting with the residual notions of "manhood", which any 

impartial observer would point out was distinctly lacking in my frame these days. I 

couldn't go around spurning rich men, especially those who were kind to me. Perhaps 

he'd even marry me someday. But in the meantime, did I really think so highly of myself 

that I could be so proud A warm hearth, a handsome man and no doubt a more 

comfortable room would have been the consequences of being more agreeable. 

But even as I said all this to myself, I didn't believe any of it. I felt used, and found 

it a disagreeable feeling. In fact, I'd rather be out in the cold with my honor and pride, 

then inside without it. 

I began to feel sleepy, and started to curl up on the cold ground. I didn't feel any 

warmer, but somehow I didn't mind the cold as much. I accepted it. My heavy eyelids 

closed as I wondered if I'd see William ever again. 

I felt a sharp pinch in my right leg, then another. Jumping up, I looked around. My 

hair tangled on a low branch, pulling it painfully. Now fully awake, I disentangled 

myself from the tree. I could smell wood smoke. Following the scent, I stumbled into a 

clearing where a tumbled down cottage was hidden, a dim but cheery glow lighting up its 

oilskin covered windows. 

Rubbing feeling into my numb legs, I stepped up to the door and knocked. I must 

have leaned my weight against the door, because when it opened, I fell onto the rush 

covered floor inside. 

I looked up into Terrence's astonished face. 

"Holy shit, you look a fright," he said. 

"Thank you." I pulled myself up to sitting, holding my arms as I shivered. 

"What the hell happened to you" He closed the door. 

Terrence had a small stove in the middle of the room, providing a meager but 

welcome warmth. I scooted across the rushes to it. "I just thought I'd go for an evening 

stroll. I got lost." 

He snorted. "Pull the other one, Mary." He put his hand to my forehead. "Good, no 

fever. You're lucky. It's still damned cold out there. Let me get you some stew."

"I'm not hungry," I said through chattering teeth. 

"Don't care. Eat," he said, ladling out a tin cup from a pot on the stove. "Don't 

worry, it's vegetarian," he said as he handed it to me. "Can't afford anything else. Good 

old hobo stew." 

I sniffed at the cup. The warmth in my hands did feel good, and the thin stew didn't 

taste too objectionable. It seemed to be a mash of every vegetable known to man, mixed 

in with enough water to allow me to drink it without a spoon. Hardly gourmand, but he 

was right. I needed to stop the chills. 

"You should probably get your wet things off," he said. "I'll get a blanket for you. I 

promise, no peeking." 

My petticoats and chemise had soaked through on their bottom half, and my right 

stocking was completely worn through from running on it. I finished off the stew and 

managed to strip under the large quilted blanket Terrence found. The housecoat had 

survived with only a bit of moss and mud on it, so I put that back on. It made me feel 

less naked. 

"Welcome to my castle," Terrence said. The cottage seemed even smaller on the 

inside. His bed was a simple straw tick against one wall. It was surrounded by stacks of 

various tin work. The other half of the cottage was taken up with what passed for a 

kitchen, with a few small sacks of vegetables and a cleared area around the stove. Most 

of the storage in the cottage seemed to be hanging from the roof, where everything from 

flowerpots to books could be seen suspended in elaborately knotted netting. Most of the 

light of the room came from a single glass ball in one of those nets. Inside the ball was a 

tiny lamp that floated in oil. 

"I like what you've done with the ceiling," I said. 

"I know, the place is a tip," Terrence said, pulling out a wood box from what might 

have been his laundry pile. "There you go, have a seat." 

Taking care to keep myself covered, I obliged him. "Were you a sailor" I asked, 

pointing at the ceiling. 

"Huh Oh, right, the nets. That's just macramé." 

"It's pretty. Very artistic. Reminds me of lace, but sturdy." 

Terrence shrugged. "Just one of a number of useless skills I have. Not much call for 

it here. Might as well try to sell tie dyed t-shirts." 

"You know how to dye, too" 

"If the local stores carried instant dye, I probably could." He sighed. "Truth to be 

told, I'd always thought of myself as someone who could get on in a pre-industrial world. 

Fancied that I was an artist, just held back by the rabid commercialism of production. 

Then I ended up in fairy tale land, and discovered by the local standards I was no more 

than a tinker." 

"You could make that knot-work. I imagine some people might buy it." 

"Some do. But compare it to any halfway decent lace maker's work, and you'll get 

the notion of how well I did when I laid it out. No, I do better when I'm mending pots 

and pans. That, I learned to do for myself long ago." He winked. "And you see how 

well I've done for myself." 

"Better than I have." 

"Yeah, just about to bring up the question of what you're doing here. Not that I 

mind, of course."

"I just stumbled on your cottage," I said. "Really had no intention of imposing." 

Terrence frowned. "You weren't even looking for me Then why the hell--" He 

looked at my clothes drying next to the stove. "Wait a second, this is just your knickers. 

Where's your dress" 

I started to say something, but began sobbing instead. All the tension of the evening 

started to rush out of me, leaving me feeling ashamed. And very stupid. 

Terrence patted me awkwardly on the back. "Er, might I give you a hug" 

I wrapped my arms around him. He really did need a bath, but I didn't care right 

then. I cried for bit, taking the handkerchief he offered gratefully. 

When I looked up, I could see nothing of the jovial tinker in Terrence's face. 

"You will tell me what happened, now," he said. 

"Just me being a fool." 

"Somehow, I doubt that. I'll make tea, you talk." 

I sipped fitfully at the floral smelling tea as I outlined the events of the evening, 

while sparing the intimate details. 

"It all sounds like nothing when I tell you the story," I said. "I completely 

overreacted." 

"Overreacted The asshole deliberately set things up so you couldn't escape. 

Copped a feel, didn't he" 

"I don't know what you mean," I said, feeling my face color. 

"Patted your ass, squeezed a tit. That sort of thing. Then pulled your dress off. 

That's when you hightailed it, I bet. Yeah, looking at you, that's what happened. Fucking 

creep. Big man around town, figures little Mary won't object." 

"He's been kind to me!" 

"Bullshit. He needed you to take care of his son. Oh, and you're cute enough, 

maybe you'd getting around to shagging." 

"I didn't say no." 

"I'd say that running away in your underclothes says no." 

"I could have handled it better. It was myself I was afraid of." 

"Yeah, he's got that way with girls," said Terrence. "Saw it happen to Evie, too." 

"Evie" 

"Evelyn Lily. You know, William's mom. Poor Evie." 

"You knew her closely." 

Terrence poured himself a cup and stood up, ducking his head around the hanging 

nets as he paced around the kitchen area. "I did." He waved his hand listlessly. "Better 

than Lily, that's for damn sure. Met her when she came to town. I admit, fancied her 

myself. Not that it led to anything. It never does." He flashed me a crooked smile. "All 

you cow girls like them big and tough. So, asshole wins out over buddy. Every time." 

I tried to put some ice in my voice. "Mr. Lily has sides to him you just don't see. 

You can't imagine how tender he is around William. I see that, you don't." 

Terrence snorted. "If he'd been such a great dad, he'd have found a cow wet nurse 

immediately. I half think he wouldn't have minded if the lad had starved." 

"That's not true!" I yelled, springing up to punch him in the stomach. 

Terrence made a sound as he clutched his stomach. He leaned a hand against the 

wall as he caught his breath. "Fuck all, but you're strong. What the hell did I do to 

deserve that"

I felt tears run down my cheeks. "I'm sorry, Terrence, I truly am. I was just 

suddenly taken by anger." 

He nodded, looking at me sideways, then turning his head. "Not anger at me, I 

think. You know I'm right, that's why you're upset. William reminds him of Evie, for all 

the boy holds his family name." 

"And they didn't get on well, Mr. and Mrs. Lily." 

Terrence shook his head. "Not at all. She tried, mind you." He glanced at me again. 

"Best cover yourself, Mary, unless you're giving out free shows tonight." 

I realized that I'd dropped the blanket when I'd swung at him. I pulled the jacket 

down as best as I could and stooped slowly down for the blanket. 

"Here," Terrence said. "I know it's around here somewhere." He moved a pile of 

blankets and found an old looking bright blue sack tied to a metal frame. He opened it up 

by pulling at a tab that made a curious ripping sound. The sack had a number of smaller 

bundles in it. He tossed me one. 

"Here you go," he said. "Should fit you." 

It seemed to be a brightly colored chemise made out of a loose, finely woven cotton. 

It was dyed every color of the rainbow in a strange, half deranged fashion with a number 

of blotchy parts. It smelled strongly of cedar. 

"I think there was a shawl in here, too," he continued absently. 

Not wishing to offend, I pulled the dress on, then took the loosely knitted spencer. It 

wasn't the warmest outfit, but it served for modesty. 

Terrence turned to survey me. "There you go. Not bad on you at all. Here, belt it 

with this." He found a rope belt that used his knotting technique. 

"I feel like I should find you a headband," he said, grinning. "Get you ready for the 

Summer of Love." 

"I'm not ready for that," I said. "I'm doing poorly enough with the Spring of 

Flirtation." I tried to laugh, not very successfully. 

"There is that," Terrence said, looking serious again. "Ah, I'm a poor host. But I 

don't know what to tell you. Evie didn't listen to me, and I bet you won't either. You're 

going to go back in the morning and be all apologies." He clasped his hands together and 

assumed a falsetto. "'Forgive me, sir. I was wrong not to have put out without 

reservation the other night. How so ever shall you ever forgive me'" 

My jaw clenched. "I'm not like that!" 

"You bloody well are. If you had any sense, you'd leave and go stay with the 

Stevens." 

"I can't abandon William." 

Terrence punched a bolster. "Damn that bastard! Yeah, he's using the kid as a hold 

on you, just like he did with Evie." 

"She wasn't that fond of her son." 

"Who told you that Lily" 

"It's what I heard. Servant gossip, I admit. But she struck me as the sort who could 

have left if she wanted to." 

Terrence glared at me. "Oh, did she What séance did you meet her at Let me tell 

you something, sister, Ev loved that kid. She called him the only good thing out of that 

marriage. Made her feel like she could deal with being a woman, and all that." He 

stopped.

"Let the cat out of that bag, didn't I" he said. 

"No, not really. I'd had a notion. Sergeant Lockwood told me all the former cow 

prisoners look alike. So, I knew she was a criminal, probably a man." 

Terrence shook his head. "Not a criminal. Not anymore so than you were. Just 

confused in a new world. Got into a fight in a bar, ended up running a bloke through. 

Some might call it self defense, but outsiders don't always get the benefit of the doubt, 

you know" 

"She revealed all this to you I admit, I wouldn't have, if you hadn't met me before I 

knew certain changes were permanent." 

Terrence drained the last of his tea. Putting the cup down, he reached into the blue 

sack. "Lot of memories here," he said. "You see, you've got the wrong idea about me 

and Evie. You probably figure we met like you and I did. That sketch has me giving her 

advice, telling her all about the world and how it works. But that's the wrong way round. 

She'd already been here a while, set up shop as the world's worst seamstress in a cottage 

in the woods. This cottage. I'd just wandered in, and she let me stay here for a while." 

"You and her But you said she spurned you for Mr. Lily." 

"Not exactly. I stayed here for near onto a month before the fog hit. Helped her 

with all those crafty things. Tried to teach her to sew, without much luck there. Mostly, 

she was hoping to score a gentleman. She had been a gentleman, you see. Second son of 

a knight. Perfectly useless, really, male or female. But sweet tempered. At least she was 

when I met her. Didn't complain about her circumstances. Not that she didn't want them 

improved. And she only knew one way to do that." 

I nodded. "And that didn't involve being a tinker's wife." 

"There was one problem with that. My circumstances were different at the time." 

Terrence pulled a leather bound book out of his sack. He opened it to the first page. It 

held a photograph, like Lucy's wedding picture, but colored and much sharper. It was a 

portrait of a young couple. Both had long hair down to their waist, the man an unkempt 

beard, and they were dressed in flowing white robes with flowers in their hair. 

"That was my wedding," said Terrence. 

"I'm sorry, Terrence," I said, hugging him. "It must have hurt to leave her behind. 

She was beautiful." 

"Thank you. Didn't last long, though. Easy come, easy go. We'd divorced before I 

started wandering." 

"You still hadn't forgotten her, I'm sure." 

"How could I She was me." 

"That's impossible!" I blurted without thinking. 

"What do you mean, impossible" said Terrence. "You of all people shouldn't be 

surprised. I told you, it happens more than people will let on around here." 

"But you're so..." I almost said vulgar and disheveled. "...masculine," I finished 

vaguely. "I'll be honest, I can't see it." Or could I Even in a wedding portrait, the girl 

had hunched shoulders. I could imagine her shifting from foot to foot as the image was 

created. She was smiling up at her new husband, but it was a knowing, almost sarcastic 

smile. For his part, he looked simultaneously smug and bewildered. Too scrawny and 

unkempt for me, but perhaps the old Terrence had liked them that way. 

"Hrmmph," said Terrence. "Not sure whether to be flattered or insulted. But yeah, I 

wasn't all that girly, if that's what you mean. Not like you, for example."

"Hey!" 

"See how it feels I mean, it'd be awkward if you didn't act like a girl. And trust 

me, you do. A girl from this time, even. But when I tell you that, you get all huffy." 

"I see what you mean. I'm sorry." 

"For calling me masculine I'm a bloke these days. Been about three years now, 

wouldn't have it any other way. For one, I don't have to put up with all the crap women 

deal with around here. That sort of thing drove me nuts when I was a girl." 

"What was your name" 

"Terry. Believe it or not, it's a girl's name where I come from. Short for Theresa, 

but only Gran ever called me that. You probably would have thought I was pretty butch, 

if you'd met me. Even wore trousers most of the time, a fact that really pissed off my 

mother." 

"But you still got married." I was having difficulty imagining Terrence as a wife. 

Or a husband, for that matter. 

"Told you, didn't last. Mind you, everyone got divorced where I came from. Not 

that it made it easier. Thing with Ted was that he was all women's rights and happy to let 

me do my own thing before the wedding. Thought I'd met a soul mate. But something 

clicked in his head a year or so later. Wanted me to stop taking the pill, pop out a couple 

of kids and let him play head of the household." 

"But Terrence, that's what women do." 

"Yeah I wanted to be myself first. Listen, just because you've got tits these days, 

don't start taking guff from anyone. You don't have to. Plenty of nice guys out there. 

That was Evie's mistake, she went for the gold. Literally." 

I wasn't sure about taking marital advice from a divorcee who was now a man. He 

had a point, though. 

"She should have just found a fellow she was more suited for," I said. "Mr. Lily is a 

blunt man, and a practical one. She sounds as if she would have been better off being the 

wife of someone at court." 

"Haven't noticed those guys putting want ads out for wives. She got tricked by Lily. 

He acted like he was some big deal country squire, but he's just a hick who snagged a 

bunch of land after the fog. Not that it would have mattered if he'd treated her decently." 

He paused, looking lost in memory. "My poor Evie." 

"Terrence," I said, putting a hand on his arm. "Forgive me, but she sounds as if she 

wouldn't have thrived anywhere. You're right, she had no title anymore. But she'd been 

raised for that role." 

"You don't get it, do you She had adjusted by the time I met her, was trying to do 

all that womanly stuff, however terrible she was at it. Lily was just an ass about it, 

though. Nothing she did was right. Sometimes it came to blows." 

"Dear Lord." 

"Thing was, she used to be a pretty decent street brawler. I gathered she was a bit 

poncy, but handy enough with sword and dagger. I don't think she knew when to back 

down. But she wasn't a tough bloke with a sword in his hand anymore. She was a slip of 

a girl faced with a raging bull twice her size. Bastard never broke anything, mind you. 

Just swatted at her. Never on the face, either. We spent more than one night here, me 

putting compresses on her bruises, her telling me not to do anything about it." 

"Did you"

"Goddamn it, I did fucking nothing!" he yelled. "Notice the way she's dead now 

Maybe if she'd had a decent friend, that friend might have talked to someone. Or just 

offed the bastard in his sleep. All she had was me, though. But what the hell does it 

matter now" 

"He didn't kill her! He's not like that." 

"You don't know what the hell he's like, or you never would have sat down to dinner 

alone with him. Lucky the bastard didn't rape you, girl." He shook his head. "Nah, he 

wouldn't. Doesn't have to. He doesn't want to take, he makes you offer it. He talks 

women into loving him. You and Evie both fell under his spell. You get a bit wet 

between your thighs, suddenly all is forgiven." 

"They had fights," I said. "Not the first couple to do that. And like you said, she 

used to be a brawler. Heaven knows what transpired. I'm not saying it's right for a man 

to leave bruises. But perhaps she left her own." 

"She's dead. Care to excuse that" 

"She fell." 

"Tell yourself that. Want me to go down the list of likely suspects I'd start with the 

guy who pulled your clothes off earlier tonight." 

"It wasn't like that." 

"Yeah, I know. You were willing. But for some reason, you're all ashamed of 

yourself now, aren't you Feel like you lost control back there He knew that would 

happen. I think I told you once, it's Spring." 

"I'd heard that some birds find lady birds amenable now, yes. Even if the lady birds 

are married." 

"Completely different." 

"And how is that" 

"I'm not threatening to take away her eggs if she doesn't sleep with me. Okay, it's 

not the most scrupulous thing I've done, but hers is a pretty cruddy marriage. It's not easy 

to get divorced here." 

"And Mr. and Mrs. Lily didn't have a good marriage, either." I looked him in the 

eye. "You and she never..." 

"No," he said. "Lily more than once accused her of it, but no. Mind you, after a 

month or so as a man, I wanted to. She'd told me her story after I changed, so in a way, it 

was easier to think of shagging with a former man than just some random girl. I got over 

that feeling, of course, but I think she had difficulty thinking of me in that way. Maybe it 

was the fact she'd known me first as a woman, maybe it was just that she needed a friend 

not a lover." He shrugged. "Maybe she just didn't think I was good looking enough for 

her. Or rich enough. So I did my best to help her find a man who would fit those needs. 

I helped her sew a decent ballgown, got her some trinkets that looked good by 

candlelight, practiced the current dances, and set her to trolling. And so, I helped her land 

Lily. Good job, eh" 

"You couldn't have known they weren't been suitable for each other." 

"Can't bring yourself to admit what he's like, can you Or do you think I'm spinning 

tales here" 

"No," I said slowly, "but I don't think you see the same man I do. I admit, he's a 

temper. I can sense that. He's filled with passion, like the sky, sometimes sunny, 

sometimes dark and terrible. But if he has dark emotions, he has beautiful ones, too."

"Name one. Oh, wait, you're going to tell me he's protective of his son. Ever see 

him play with the kid Bounce him on the knee Care for anything other than having his 

name continued" 

"It's not like that." 

"You know how much you sound like every one of my girlfriends with creepy 

boyfriends Congratulations. A month as a girl and you're just as stupid as someone 

born with a pink blanket." 

"Stupid You think women are fools, do you" 

"In a word, yes. Men are too, but in different ways. And you're being typically 

dumb around blokes." 

"I remind you that you were once a woman." 

"I got over it." 

"I think I'm leaving now." I started to stand up. I needed the wall for support, but I 

was damned if I would stay and be abused. 

"What" said Terrence, blocking the doorway. "Are you going to toddle out into the 

cold without shoes, wearing my old sundress and a jacket" 

"I didn't come here to listen to your mad accusations." 

"Mad You're the one who ran out in the middle of the night. Care to explain that" 

"I was overreacting." 

"No, you were being sensible." 

"I thought I was being stupid." 

Terrence sighed. "Ok, I shouldn't have said that. Truthfully, I don't know what to 

tell you. It was like that with Evie, too. Lily just has this way of making you girls blame 

yourselves." 

"I told you, you don't see the sides of him I do. I'm not saying he's without flaws." 

"Flaws that killed Evie. I can't let you go back, Mary." 

"Now you're the one trying to dictate what I do. Isn't that what you accuse him of" 

"I accuse him of being a murdering son of a bitch!" 

"You have no proof! Just the fact they argued." 

"Mary, please don't go. I'm afraid for you." The anger was gone in his face, 

replaced by worry. 

I sat back down. "You're right, it's too cold. But I have to go back. William will be 

hungry in a bit." 

"Again with the boy. If she hadn't gotten knocked up, Ev might have left, too." 

I nodded. "Possibly. But I don't think he'll beat me, Terrence. He's never landed a 

hand on me. If anything, he's been circumspect." 

"Mr. Grab and Fondle was circumspect" 

I flushed. "We've talked about that already. I admit, it wasn't respectful. But it was 

hardly life threatening. What passed between Mr. and Mrs. Lily is buried with her. We'll 

never know." 

"I saw those bruises." 

"I'm listening to you. I really am. Perhaps I'm not as much to him as I thought I 

might be. I'm just a nursemaid, when all's said and done. Perhaps that shields me. One 

doesn't summon the same anger for a servant as a wife." 

"Yeah He strikes me as the sort who'd whip a servant." 

"I'd have heard about it if he did. I can only guess at the reasons for their fighting,

ut I do know he felt she had been deceitful. You and she made her appear to be more 

noble than she was. Perhaps he felt cheated." 

"That's a lovely sentiment. Turns out she's flat broke, slap her around a bit." 

"I'm not saying it's right," I said. "But he knows I've nothing. So I'm safe." 

"Safe from getting a marriage offer." 

I twisted my mouth, feeling foolish. "Yes, I think you're right. Not from getting 

other offers, of course. But I need to turn those down." 

"First sensible thing you've said all night." 

"People keep accusing me of sense." 

"Not me, sister. You've as dumb as--" 

"As all women" 

"As everyone, really. Welcome to the human race."

CHAPTER SIXTEEN 

I may have slept. I'm not certain. I tossed and turned after Terrence snuffed out the 

lamp, the evening's conversation playing in my mind over and over. I didn't know what 

to believe. Was Mr. Lily really that abusive I didn't think he was a murderer; falls and 

accidents happened all the time without having to imagine wickedness at work. Having 

used those stairs myself, I could easily see how someone in long skirts could take a 

tumble. 

Still, she'd climbed those stairs every day. Surely, she must have known to hold 

tightly to the rail. Perhaps Mr. Lily did have a hand in her unhappiness, and perhaps 

someone so distraught would have less care for herself than a happy woman would. If 

Terrence wished to lay blame, he could certainly argue that point. 

But Terrence was wrong about one thing. I couldn't just run away from Mr. Lily. I 

needed to start facing things. I'd been avoiding reality my entire life. I'd ignored the 

reality of how my trade was no longer wanted, and rather than learn a new one or even 

emigrate, I'd stayed in my cottage, weaving away uselessly, like a mother rocking a dead 

child. 

I'd made a good start of things here, to be sure. I’d accepted the fact I was stuck as a 

woman and set out to make the best life I could given that. I'd gotten a position as a 

nurse, and fallen in love with my charge. I’d even started considering marriage in the 

future. But I needed to stop fancies about becoming the mistress of the house. Mr. Lily 

was a normal man, and one could hardly blame him for thinking that a girl who was 

willing to have dinner with him alone might be willing to take things past that. I was a 

woman, but I wasn't a lady. My virtue wasn't such a forgone conclusion, nor was it 

something that he would worry overmuch about. 

I needed to start behaving myself, if I wanted to be anything other than a nurse. And 

part of that meant I couldn't just quit my job. Not when William's health depended on 

me. The other part meant that had to stop behaving like a child, as Mr. Lily put it. If I 

didn't want his attentions, I needed to stop acting as if I did. That meant staying with 

Amy and Philip, not in the house, however fine it was. Lord knows what the old gossips 

were already saying about me, what with my staying the night up until now. But I didn't 

need to add any more fuel to that fire. 

I listened to Terrence snore until I was certain he was asleep. I knew he'd try to stop 

me from leaving. To be unkind, he was a prime example of what happened when one 

avoided responsibility. And I had no desire for his life, one step above that of stray cat 

spending all its days foraging around the backdoors of kitchens and dodging old shoes. 

I looked into the blue satchel from which he'd pulled the dress. Fortunately, the 

moon was still out, allowing me to search by its cold light. The satchel was filled with 

strange clothing, mostly brightly colored shirts made of a fine knit, a pair of thick twill 

pants patched with a score of handkerchiefs, and a pair of shoes with canvas uppers. 

I tried the shoes on, and they fit well enough, once I put on a few pairs of short 

stockings I found inside. The sole was made out of some sort of material I'd never seen

efore, stiff but springy like a well stuffed pillow. In fact, the shoes were amazingly 

comfortable for all their odd appearance. 

I eased my way out of the cottage and walked up a nearby embankment to the edge 

of the wood. In the moonlight, I could see the road to Mr. Lily's estate. Jogging slowly 

to keep myself warm, I headed towards it. 

I sensed him before he spoke, but didn't move. 

"Look who's wandered back in," Mr. Lily said. He voice had a sarcastic edge to it 

that I hadn't heard before. It made my muscles tense. 

"I just needed some time, sir," I said, keeping my eyes on the child in the crib. "I 

was hardly going to stay away the entire night. William needs attention. Surely you 

don't think I'd quit my position." 

He was standing just a foot or two behind me. "Position You fool girl, I've told 

you you're a guest here." 

"Do you always seduce your guests" I said without thinking. "Or is that simply my 

payment for rent" 

"You little tart!" he snapped. William's eyes opened wide. "You prance about in 

front of me, heating the iron. But come time to quench, you're all Miss Propriety, aren't 

you" 

I stroked William's downy hair, trying to calm him. He wasn't crying, not yet, but I 

could see the beginning of a storm. 

"I admit I haven't behaved well," I said. "Please forgive me. That's why I had to 

leave. I was taking us along a path we shouldn't trod." 

Mr. Lily placed a hand on my shoulder. I bit my lip. Damn me if it didn't raise 

those stirrings again. 

"I'm sorry, Mary, you're quite right." His voice was silk gentleness again. "It is a 

dangerous path, isn't it But you can't tell me you don't share my feelings. Come girl, let 

the boy be, and we'll go to the hearth and talk." 

"I don't think that would be a good idea." 

"What are you afraid of Of me" 

"No, that's not it." 

"Nonsense. You can't even look me in the eye. You lie badly, Mary. It's one of the 

things I treasure about you." 

I turned around, brushing his hand off me. But he was right, I couldn't raise my eyes 

to meet his. 

"If you value one of my scant virtues,” I said, “please leave me with what reputation 

I have. I can't stay here anymore." 

He laughed. "Worried about what the old hens of the village will say What do you 

care for them We're both better than the common lot, Mary. They cowered in fear when 

the land was laid waste, but I saw that it was opportunity." He hit the wall with his hand. 

"See this All of this is mine. Won it, kept it. I'm not some weak kneed noble at court, 

nor am I a dung foot peasant. They all have my scorn, you hear me Don't talk to me 

about caring what they say. I'll do as I bloody well like." 

"You may. But I can't." I looked up at him. His eyes were wild and shining, his lips 

***

set. I breathed deeply, trying to control myself. "I'm nothing, I have nothing. Nothing 

but myself. And unlike you, I have to care." 

He snorted loudly. "Why" 

"Because I want more than just to be your dalliance!" 

He blinked, then smiled. "Aha. So that's it, isn't it Worried that I might foist a 

bastard on you" 

"Worried that you might strip me of my self respect." I headed for the door. "Please 

let me go. I will take care of William. But my duties end there." 

He grabbed my arm. "Mary, you can't expect me to marry you. But that doesn't 

mean we can't be friends." 

I tried to pull my arm away from him. He held on. "Let go of me." 

"Not until you see sense. I really had a higher opinion of you." 

"You just said it. I'm not your equal. You won't have me as a wife. You need to let 

go of me." 

"I won't be blackmailed into marriage, you hear me" 

"I'm not blackmailing you. How can you say that How could I" I heard my voice 

get more frantic. 

"You're holding out on me, trying to get me to offer you what's mine, that's how." 

"That's mad! I just want to go. Please let me go." I looked into his eyes. He was 

staring right through me. 

"I'm done with deals for love, Mary. I thought Evelyn would bring me nobility with 

our match. But she only took from me. She took my money, my name, my honor, you 

understand" 

"I understand that she's gone. What has that to do with us I just want to be left in 

peace!" I was starting to sob, wishing for calmness. His grip tightened. 

"You don't want that, you want me and everything you imagine comes with me. 

Well, I'm not offering you all that. I'm just offering myself. If you love me, that will be 

good enough for you. Demand anything else, and I'll know you as the liar and trickster 

that my wife was!" 

I tried to control my voice. "I want nothing." 

"Liar!" he yelled, shaking my arm. 

"Stop it!" I screamed. "Let me be!" 

"Not until you tell me the truth," he said. His free hand clenched. 

"Or you'll beat me Is that it Give myself to you or you'll strike me, just like you 

used to strike her" A sudden calmness swept over me. He was frightening, but I no 

longer wanted him. All his beauty was gone, replaced by a red faced creature, his face 

drawn tightly with anger. 

He didn't move for a long second. "Who told you that" he said in a frighteningly 

quiet voice. 

"Common knowledge." 

"You lie badly. Who told you" 

"What do you care" His grip loosened for a moment, and I slipped my arm out of 

his grasp. I ran for the door. 

He grabbed my jacket. I slipped it off and spun away. He stood in front of the door, 

blocking my way. 

"What sort of outlandish dress is that" he said, pointing at Terrence's smock.

"The tinker had it. He took me in. He has some kindness. As I once thought you 

had." 

Mr. Lily curled his lip. 

"So that's it,” he said. You prefer him to me. A rotten, flea-bitten bag of bones like 

that." 

The absurdity of it startled me. "What I’m not fond of him, not that way. But he 

at least had the decency to give me warm food and shelter in the middle of the night.” 

“I offered you better than that, and you ran from it.” 

“But there are limits to gratitude. I won’t ask for what you can’t give, please don’t 

ask me for what I won’t.” 

“Gratitude This from someone who sprang out a window in the middle of the 

night Someone who treated me more like a villain than benefactor This is how you act 

thankful” 

“I ran from you. I admit it, you were right. You frighten me.” 

William began mewling discontentedly. 

“Frighten you I’ve done nothing but care for you since you stumbled here. Have 

you forgotten that” 

“No,” I said, stepping over to the crib and stroking William. 

“I don’t know what lies that tinker has been filling your head with. Mary, listen to 

me. He is an evil man, who foisted a deceitful woman on me. Are you so shocked that 

I’m shy of matches after what I endured” 

“What did you endure” I said. “A wife and mother to your son So, she was a poor 

seamstress, and came penniless to your doorstep. What of it A decent man would have 

cared more for her soul than her purse.” 

“Her soul was corrupt!” 

“And thus you threw her down the stairs!” 

The room was silent save for William’s discontented noises. I was breathing 

heavily, wishing I could take the words back. I watched Mr. Lily’s face without seeing 

anything there. He looked empty and very far away. 

“I did not,” he said. “She fell. Like you, she ran from me.” 

“With cause, it sounds like,” I said. It was as if someone else was speaking, not me. 

The words just come out carelessly. It didn’t matter. He was far too strong for me to 

fight past him. He could do what he liked, if he liked. But I wasn’t going to coddle him 

with my words anymore. 

“You don’t understand!” Mr. Lily said. 

“You thrashed her, she ran from you, and fell. Is that it” 

“She was a criminal!” 

“Oh, really What crime deserved death” 

“She should have told me her past before we wed. Unknowing, I took a viper to my 

bosom.” 

I hated myself for believing him. But he had a point. 

“Still, you ought not have hit her,” I said. 

“It wasn’t as if I was striking a lady!” he said, near howling. William started to 

scream. 

“I’m no lady either! Will you beat me” 

He said nothing.

“Good day, sir,” I said in the silence. “I’m taking your son to Amy’s for now.” I 

coddled William in my arms like a shield and strode towards the door, keeping my eyes 

fixed straight ahead. 

“Leave my son here.” He put his arm out to block my way. 

I ducked under quickly and stepped into the moonlit hall. 

“Will you care for him” I said. “Who will nurse him when he cries Who will 

change his swaddling when he soils himself Who will dangle yarn in front of his eyes to 

play with him, kiss his forehead when he’s sad You do none of these things.” 

“Please stay, Mary,” Mr. Lily said, suddenly sounding weary. “You’re right, you do 

all those things. I need you.” 

“William needs me. He needed his mother, too.” 

“She was no mother.” He put a warm hand on my shoulder. “I think I was wrong. 

Perhaps you could be his real mother. You’re a real woman, one who can care for him.” 

I turned my head and saw him smiling. For a moment I remembered what I once 

thought of him. He gently stroked my arm. I should have backed up. 

“Such a change in tone,” I said, trying to put an edge in my voice. “How can I trust 

your words when a minute ago you were screaming so foully” 

“I was wrong to. But you’ve made me realize I was wrong. You are a virtuous 

woman. I shouldn’t tempt you. My son does need a mother, and perhaps I need a wife.” 

He smiled. 

“I’m sorry.” I started to turn away, too late. 

“What Do you understand what I am offering” He put his arms around my waist, 

which made me pause, almost against my will. I reminded myself what Terrence had said 

about Spring. Not all impulses were truly my own right now. 

“I understand,” I said. “And thank you. But that time has passed. I’ll stay on to 

nurse. Please let go of me.” 

Mr. Lily started to stroke my stomach. I could feel his heat through the thin cotton 

dress. I clenched my teeth to dispel my feelings of affection and held William tightly. 

Then I kicked him hard at his knee. He dropped his grip for a second, which was enough 

for me to step away. 

“To the devil with you!” he yelled. “Once again, I see how my kindness is repaid.” 

“I won’t marry a man who beats women!” 

“She wasn’t! That’s what you don’t understand. That tinker tricked me into 

marrying a man!” 

So he’d known. I shook my head. “What nonsense. Men don’t birth children.” 

“A former man. Some sort of trick of the fog. You understand now what happened 

to me” He sounded close to tears. “Why I acted as I did when in a moment of spite 

she...he...told me the truth” 

“You killed her for something that wasn’t her fault.” 

“She fell. I admit, she was running, but it was hardly my doing. As God is my 

witness, Mary.” He reached towards me. “Stay with me and be the wife I never had.” 

“Stay away from me!” 

There was a sound of shattering glass from down the hall. 

“Mary!” shouted Terrence from that direction. 

“There’s your little tinker,” Mr. Lily said. “Come to claim you” 

“I’m not his,” I said. “But I’m not yours, either.”

“Stay right there while I deal with him,” Mr. Lily said. “Running will be the worse 

for you.” He called down the hall, “Come on down here, you rag tag tinker. You’ve 

broken into my house, I’ve rights now.” 

“Terrence, run!” I yelled. 

Terrence stepped into the moonlight that filled the hallway. 

“No, Mary,” Terrence said. “I’m done up with running. Bastard killed Evie.” He 

pointed at Mr. Lily. “Let her go, you lousy son of a bitch.” 

“I’d rather not have her watch your thrashing,” Lily said. “But if you two are going 

to make matters so difficult...” he shrugged, and stepped easily towards Terrence. 

“Not so fast, motherfucker,” Terrence said. With a soft click, a knife appeared in his 

hand. “Grew up defending myself from blokes like you. Mean streets, London has.” 

Mr. Lily snorted. “Think I can’t pry that toy away from you” 

“What’s it worth” Terrence said, crouching. “A hand An eye Your balls Bet I 

can get one of them.” 

“Let the tinker be,” I said. “He’s right, none of this is worth it.” 

“I told you what this vagabond tricked me into doing!” Mr. Lily yelled. “Because of 

him, I bedded a man!” 

I stepped back into the door to the nursery. “And fondled another this evening. 

Perhaps you prefer our sort.” I watched his eyes as he took that in, wondering what he 

thought. I don’t know why I didn’t run. Perhaps, like Terrence, I was done with running. 

Mr. Lily’s arm caught me in the throat. He roared like a beast as I tumbled 

backwards into the nursery, twisting my body to protect William as I landed next to the 

hearth. 

Closing my eyes, I curled up next to the warm bricks, covering William with my 

body. Then the world went red with pain as something hard struck my ribs, followed by a 

strike to my head. 

“Maaaamaaaaaa!!!” screamed William, throwing his arms around my neck. 

Opening my eyes, I saw Mr. Lily standing over me with a poker in his hand, frozen 

in mid-swing. 

“My son,” Mr. Lily said. I tried to focus my eyes. By the ruddy light of the fire I 

could see tears streaming down his face. Then he made a small whimpering noise and 

sank to his knees. The poker slid out of his hand as blood spread across his shirt. 

Terrence stood up from behind Mr. Lily, the blood on his hands a dull black in the 

firelight. 

“It’s done,” Terrence said. 

I wanted to say something, but all I could do was hold William tightly to me as the 

world swam into blackness.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN 

Epilogue 

“Nice tea shop,” my friend said. She looked beyond healthy, I decided. But no 

friend of a weaver was going to wear that cheap linen dress. My sewing had dramatically 

improved in the last year, so I could simply do it myself and forestall any protests at the 

price. 

“I’m in love with it, myself,” I said, sipping my ginger tisane. My concussion had 

healed well enough, but the tea helped with the occasional migraine. That, and it helped 

with the bouts of nausea. Still, as the physicker had told me more than once, I was lucky 

to be alive. “It’s where Harry and I ate together for the first time. And other things.” I 

blushed. 

“In a tea shop” She raised an eyebrow. “Oh, never mind, I forget what you’re like. 

You probably held hands under the table or something like that.” 

“It was a full kiss at the top of a tower, I’ll have you know,” I said mock-haughtily. 

We both started laughing together. 

“Yeah, regular Prince Charming, that one.” 

“He is,” I said seriously. “But one who respects what I do.” 

“Probably doesn’t object to the extra quid or two from your work, either.” 

“Not his until we marry!” I said. “But I’m sure that won’t change things. Still, I’m 

glad to come to the marriage on my terms. As you once told me, I shouldn’t have to be 

dependent on a man. Freely entered and all that.” 

“You really are getting married, then! Congratulations, I guess.” 

I shook my head. “You’re a wonder, aren’t you Women get married, keep house, 

have children. There’s nothing wrong with it, and I look forward to it.” As if in answer, 

William wriggled his way out of his chair and latched onto my leg. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean it that way. But I’m glad you’re all right. I was worried, but 

then I heard you were okay.” 

“Healed well enough. More than I can say for Mr. Lily. And how are you doing” 

“Ah, getting used to skirts again. People look at you strange if you wear breeches 

here, and I’m tired of being an outcast.” 

“You probably could have fought the charges. I mean, you saved my life.” 

“I know that. But I’d also broken into a respected gentleman’s house and knifed 

him. Didn’t feel like facing the gallows, so a plea bargain seemed the thing to do. Ain’t 

the first time I copped a plea. The farm wasn’t too bad. Good grass, plenty of time to 

relax. Getting milked is pretty undignified, but after listening to all the others moo and 

moan about it, I just shut up and dealt with it.” 

“But now you’re Theresa again.” 

“Please don’t call me that. Call me Terry. Theresa sounds like a nun.” 

“I can’t imagine you as a nun.” 

She looked ruefully into her tea. “Yeah, me either. I admit, it’s strange to like guys

again. But if you can deal with it, I guess so can I. Christ, I just wish they had tampons 

here.” 

“Excuse me” 

“Ah, least of my worries. Right now, I’m just trying to get set up with a job.” 

“I’ll talk to Master Beauregard. We could probably use someone around for repairs 

and what not, in exchange for room and board. If you don’t mind sharing my bed, that 

is.” 

“Funny how much better that would have sounded a year ago.” 

“Well, you’ll share the room with a young man, if that makes you feel better. Don’t 

worry, he sleeps through the night now. Weaned and everything.” 

“I’m glad you got to keep that kid.” 

“Oh, he’s more on loan than anything. Mr. Lily didn’t have anything other than 

distant cousins, and they didn’t have any interest in caring for him. So, he’s mine to 

raise.” 

“But not the house.” 

“His when he gets old enough. In the meantime, the Stevenses are the caretakers. 

The cousins take their profit without any need actually to visit.” 

“Must be nice. I have a feeling I could use some coin in my pockets soon. I can’t 

exactly go live in the woods after you get married.” 

“As long as I live, you won’t have to worry about that. Mind you, it would be nice 

if I don’t have to cover too much of your rent.” 

Terry clapped her hands. “You got it, sister! So, how long do I have to shop for a 

wedding present” 

“Less than a month.” 

Terry shook her head. “And you just getting on your feet. Don’t take this the wrong 

way, but if I were you, I wouldn’t go rushing into things. Get yourself established first, 

become a master weaver, he can become a Captain, and then you two will be ready to 

start a household. It’ll be tough with you both just starting out in things. Remember, I 

know from hard experience.” 

“I’m not you. And we’re not rushing. Good Lord, I’ve known him for a year. He 

stood up for me during the inquest, too. So, I owe him my freedom, just as I owe you my 

life.” 

“I guess. So, when’s the baby shower” 

“Come again” I felt myself blush. I had an idea what she meant. 

“When you get knocked up, all your girlfriends come around with ‘there but for the 

grace of God go I’ presents. Great fun, you can make fun of how fat she is and 

everything...” She trailed off. “Hey, you’re bright red.” 

“I told you I’m exceedingly fond of him.” 

“Ah. Sorry about the fat jokes. I promise not to make them.” 

“No, I’m glad to be well fed. And I’m looking forward to giving William a half 

brother or sister.” 

“Hey,” she said, leaning across the table and shaking my sleeve. “I’ll be there to 

help, I promise.” 

William crawled into my lap and buried his head in my stomach. “And I’ll be there 

for you,” I said, “when the time comes.” 

“Yeah, right.”

“I warn you. It’s amazing how one’s world view can change with time.” 

Terry rubbed William’s head cautiously. “You know, you have a point.” 

End

http://www.brazenspindle.com 

*** 

Coming in Spring 2012: 

A Fairytale Divorce 

***

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