Winter 2006 - Sacred Heart Schools

My Demanding
Career
Parenting a child with special
needs has unique challenges
and unique rewards
By Andi Vartanian Dehne (SJSH‘82)
Pick any demanding career out there and, chances are,
there are stringent courses to be taken and tests to
pass before one is allowed to enter it. Parenting, however,
has no such requirements. And yet, it is one of the most
important and demanding jobs there is. I know because I
am a relatively new mom to two small children. I didnʼt
take any classes in motherhood, I didnʼt pass any tests
before being allowed to work as a mom, and nobody even
asked for a resumé before handing me my first child and
sending me home with him! It doesnʼt feel like too long
ago that I was a six-year-old girl wearing a plaid jumper
and saddle shoes in Sr. Robinsonʼs first grade class! How
on earth did I become somebodyʼs mother
My four siblings and I all attended St Josephʼs for
elementary school. We all received an outstanding
education, but, maybe more importantly, we grew up in a
school environment that strongly supported our familyʼs
values. Between my parents and the influence of all the
teachers, we had no choice but to grow up with a strong
sense of responsibility, a good work ethic, compassionate
hearts and respect for others. We learned to treat others as
we wanted to be treated and we learned to value people for
who they are on the inside rather than for material reasons.
Although many things I learned at St. Josephʼs, such as
conjugating French verbs and writing five-paragraph
essays, do not currently factor in to my daily life, my
value system is something I use daily in parenting my own
children. And it played an instrumental role in helping me
welcome my oldest child, Riley, into my life.
While pregnant with Riley, we learned that he had an
extra chromosome, meaning he would be born with Down
syndrome (DS). Receiving that news over the phone was
one of the most shocking and brutal moments of my life.
My husband and I didnʼt want our son to have DS, but he
did. In my heart I knew I needed to meet my boy. I felt that
he was given to me for a reason.
Riley has been an amazing teacher. In his short life he has
already impacted so many people, and he reminds me daily
of what is truly important. In raising Riley I am reminded
that a true measure of oneʼs success is what kind of person
you are and how you treat others. I have learned to slow
down and appreciate the little wonders in life. Riley has
taught me to work hard for what I want and to not give
up when a situation is challenging. He has also taught me
to not take anything for granted. Every time he meets a
milestone, it is that much sweeter because I know he has
worked extra hard to get there.
Like any child, Riley has his own relative areas of strength
and weakness. As any parent would do, I try to support him
in his areas of need, give him the tools he needs to be more
independent and guide him towards pursuing his passions.
As his mother, I do worry about him. I worry about how
others may treat him. I worry that some kids may tease him
as he gets older...but I also have faith. I look back to my
childhood and recall the warmth, safety and acceptance I
felt as a child at St. Joeʼs and I know that there are people
out there who will see my boy for the amazing and gentle
soul that he is. I know I will work hard to build a supportive
community around him and to instill in him the values that
I received as a child.
In December of 2004 my husband and I were blessed
with our second child, Emily. Looking in her eyes I can
tell that she is a strong, social, opinionated little girl with
a contagious zest for life. She loves her big brother and
follows him all around the house. I know she may have
some extra challenges having a brother with special needs,
but I also know that having Riley in her life will make her
a better, richer and stronger person, just like it has me.
Some people have told me that I am “special” and that
they “could never do what I do.” The truth is, I am not
any more special than any other mother out there who
loves her child. Being a mother is a difficult job, with no
training, but I know that my experiences as a child have
helped to make me the mother I am today. I look back to
my childhood and time spent at St. Josephʼs with fondness
and with a sense of security that comes from growing up
knowing I was loved and appreciated for who I was. This
sense of security is something I strive to provide for my
own children so that they will have the confidence to listen
to their hearts in difficult situations, stand up for what they
believe is right, and to value the people and relationships
in their lives.
12 Winter 2006