Cold War Kids/12 Hitchcock Would Be Pissed /08 - The Wake

Cold War
Kids/12
The Weekly Student Magazine of the University of Minnesota
Hitchcock Would
Be Pissed /08
PLUS Synchronized Skating / Album Reviews / and more
28 March–03 April 2007

Editorial/
Editor-in-Chief
Jenny Odegard
Athletics Editor
Nick Gerhardt
Literary Editor
Jacob Duellman
Voices Editor
Nathaniel Olson
Managing Editor
Eric Price
Campus Editor
Brad Tucker
Sound & Vision Editor
Alice Vislova
Editorial Assistants
Dan Olmschenk, Tammy Quan
Staff Writer
Carl Carpenter
PRODUCTION/
Production Manager
Jeremy Sengly
Photography Editor
Ethan Stark
Copy Editors
Brent Campbell, Erin Lavigne
Distributors
Preston Jones, Luke Preiner
Art Director
Sam Soule
Web Editor
Luke Preiner
Graphic Designers
Dave Hagen, Eric Price, Becki Schwartz,
Jeremy Sengly, Krista Spinti
BUSINESS/
Advertising Executive
Tyler Jones
Public Relations Director
Allie Dinnocenzo
Advisory Board
James DeLong, Kevin Dunn, Courtney Lewis,
Gary Schwitzer, Kay Steiger, Mark Wisser
Office Manager
Elizabeth Keely Shaller
Advertising Interns
Ben Anderson, Autumn Brothers, Eric
McPherson
THIS ISSUE/
Cover Artist
Mike Mason
Illustrators
Dave Hagen, Martha Iserman, Alex Judkins,
Mike Mason, Jeremy Sengly
Photographers
Abbey Kleinert, Ben Lansky, Rahima
Schwenkbeck, Ethan Stark
Contributing Writers
Elizabeth Aulwes, Carl Carpenter, Alex
Ebert, Nick Gerhardt, Becky Lang, Trey
Mewes, Jacob Miller, Tammy Quan,
Courtney Sinner, Brad Tucker, Alice Vislova,
Lindsey Wallace
/5:23
©2007 The Wake Student Magazine. All rights
reserved.
Established in 2002, The Wake is a weekly
independent magazine and registered
student organization produced by and for the
students of the University of Minnesota.
The Wake Student Magazine
1313 5th St. SE #331
Minneapolis, MN 55414
(612) 379-5952 • www.wakemag.org
The Wake was founded by Chris Ruen and
James DeLong.

Cold War
Kids/12
I was going to write with news of our student fees application,
but being that it seems the final recommendations
are behind schedule, it’ll have to suffice to say
that by this time next week you will either be reading
a scathing tirade against the newly-branded “Student
Unions & Activities” that’ll put our 2004 no-funding fiasco
to shame or… well, business as usual, which in reality
probably isn’t that much different.
Regardless, now that the painfully long fees process
is over, we would like to thank you, dear students, for
funding our little labor of love and hate for nearly six
years now. And if I hear one more comparison to the
Daily that doesn’t involve the words “deserves as much
funding as” or “isn’t the same as—magazine, asshole” I
will hurt someone.
ERIC PRICE
Managing Editor
Sound & Vision/04
VOICES/08
LITERARY/10
CAMPUS/14
PHOTOGRAPHY/18
ATHLETICS/20
BASTARD/22

Sound & Vision/
By Courtney Sinner
When the band coming onstage includes a guy wearing a
pointy hat, a floral blouse, black and yellow striped tights
and red sneakers, you know you’re in for a good time. If
he can play the cello like a fiddle while doing a mild head
bang, well … it doesn’t get much better than that.
The antics of cellist Rushad Eggleston are just one of the
highlights of a live concert by Crooked Still. On March
9th, this bluegrass band from the east coast played a lively
and entertaining set to a sold-out crowd at the Cedar Cultural
Center.
“Shaken By a Low Sound,” including “Mountain Jumper,”
which features the lyric for which the album was named.
Aoife preluded the sad and melancholy “Wind and Rain,”
by jokingly describing the lyrics as a story about “murder,
fiddles and love; three things that are often seen together.”
After teaching the repeated phrases to the audience,
a soulful sing-a-long brought the pace back down to the
ground.
It’s not just Eggleston that will send you reeling. Dr.
Gregory Liszt (yes, he has a Ph.D. in biology from MIT)
has been called “the Jimmy Page of the banjo,” and the
sultry Aoife O’Donovan is a slightly edgier version of Alison
Krauss. Corey DiMario, double bass, keeps a steady
background beat with an impeccable sense of rhythm.
Together, their stage presence is undeniable and their
chemistry is electric. While the combination of bass, cello
and banjo is not typical for a bluegrass band, members of
Crooked Still hold nonconformist attitudes in their music
as well as in their personalities.
At the Cedar, Crooked Still evoked a fun and laid back atmosphere,
starting off their set with a new song, “Aggravates
My Soul.” This ditty successfully got the audience
ready for the impressive cello riffs and lighting fast finger
picking on that were to follow throughout the performance.
The rest of the set was full of tunes off their latest release
The set as a whole was well executed with great variety
between fast and slow, peppered in between with anecdotes
and jokes. Liszt told of a time when he accidentally
blew out all the circuit breakers in the police station in
the town where the group was performing, causing momentary
anarchy, and Eggleston told a knock-knock joke
about a horse’s ass. DiMario was simply excited to be in
the same city where Prince is from, and O’Donovan admitted
that it was her first time in Minnesota. When she
learned in the middle of the show that Bob Dylan was a
local as well, she admitted “Well, see Shows you how
much I know about Minnesota.”
04/ 28 March-03 April 2007

\ Sound & Vision
The opening act for Crooked Still, an Irish instrumental
group called Flook, was equally as impressive. Flook,
featuring two flautists, a guitarist and a bodhran player
(a bodhran is an Irish drum), gave a remarkable performance
full of dynamic percussion and lively melodies.
The two groups joined together for the encores, playing
somewhat off-the-cuff, and closing with the most incredible
rendition of “Orphan Girl” (a song off of Crooked
Still’s first release) that I’ve ever heard. The combination
of instruments was unexpected, but the two groups made
it work.
Crooked Still is a force to be reckoned with when it comes
to the bluegrass scene. Their music is completely unique,
but still contains the slightest bit of traditionalism.
Eggleston, who has a very unique way of playing the cello
(as far as technique goes) said that he got to a point in his
musical career where he didn’t want to be boxed in by
classical music. He wanted to play something more original.
As he puts it, he went to the dark side and sold his
soul to the devil. This is something that, in a way, all the
members have done in order to find their original styles.
courtesy crookedstill.com
But, as he puts it, “You can’t expect to reap Satan’s benefits
if you can’t be a part of his team.”
“Oooh write that down – that’s good. Seriously. Write that
down,” exclaimed Liszt when we talked after the show.
Crooked Still can continue to be “crooked” in persona,
but their music is right on track.
www.wakemag.org\05

Sound & Vision/
The Brave New World
of Food Production:
Our Daily Bread
courtesy walker art center
By Alice Vislova
Contemporary artistic expression is always struggling
to reinvent itself. Everybody wants to create something
that has never been seen before. The Walker Art Center’s
series of films premieres, called First Look, are no
exception. March 23rd-25th the Walker showcased an
award winning film that is innovative by allowing the
story to tell itself. Many great minds have agreed that
beauty is achieved not when there is nothing more to
add, but where there is nothing to take away. The film,
Our Daily Bread, directed by Austrian-born Nikolaus
Geyrhalter, does just that by dispensing with commentary,
music, and superfluous plot.
The goal of Our Daily Bread is to honestly show people
the places their food is produced. “The production of
food is … a part of a closed system that people have extremely
vague ideas about,” explains Geyrhalter, “The
images used in ads, where butters churned and a little
farm is shown with a variety of animals, have nothing
to do with the place our food actually comes from.
There’s a kind of alienation with regard to the creation
of our food and these kinds of labor, and breaking
through it is necessary.”
“I see this film as a place, a utopian
place which we enter at the beginning
and leave at the end.”
“I find films that give instructions on how to act boring
and presumptuous,” rationalizes the film’s editor
Wolfgang Widerhofer, “I tend to be careful with analogies
or concepts, and I try to edit so as to create an open
space that a great many things can be projected onto. In
that sense it’s a risky film.” In classic storytelling tradition,
Geyrhalter’s and Widerhofer show, but don’t tell
the relationships between people, machines, and nature.
Although at points horrifying, this film is not meant as
a social criticism or a piece of activism. Our Daily Bread
presents the viewer with a certain scene, such as that of
a worker washing the floor in a slaughterhouse past endless
rows of hanging carcasses, and in the long pause, the
viewer is allowed to make up his or her own opinions.
The entire film is a series of such images. The predominant
sounds are the roars and thumps of the machines,
which at times seem organic. Occasionally the sounds
of the machines are overshadowed by mooing of cows or
squeaking of chickens. And rarely, the voices of people
can be heard speaking faintly and in foreign languages.
Widerhofer explains that the choice to exclude dialogue
was made so as to further avoid forcing opinions down the
throats of the viewers. “An interview would be an attempt
to re-individualize the industrial process, which removes
all individuality. You could say we chose the horror vacua
of silence.”
The silent glow of a greenhouse at night, women shoveling
handfuls of baby chicks as if there were peanuts, men
artificially inseminating a pig; these scenes with their respectable
silences and sounds resemble a strange science
fiction movie. Reminiscent at times of 2001: A Space Odyssey
or A Clockwork Orange, what sets Our Daily Bread
apart is that it is a documentation of true events: it is truly
“stranger than fiction.” “I see this film as a place, a utopian
place which we enter at the beginning and leave at the
end,” muses Widerhofer, “”and the fact that this utopian
place is our current reality becomes clear again and again
in the course of the film.”
“I always take the thought further,” admits Geyrhalter
addressing the title of the film, “and the next line would
be: And forgive us our sins.” At times, during the viewing
of this film, the extent to which human beings have
most literally raped the earth becomes almost too horrifying
to watch. Watching a worker scrape the innards
out of row after row of animal carcasses with a carving
knife, it is frightening to think of what may be shown
next. The treatment of animals is not the only disturbing
part of the film. The treatment of plants and of the
planet, holistically, is equally unsettling. It is painful to
watch as a machine violently shakes a small tree in order
to harvest the fruit.
On the other hand, the complexity and efficiency of the
machines involved in the food production industries is at
times quite admirable. “What makes it fascinating are
the machines and the sense of what’s doable, the human
spirit of invention and organization, even at close corners
with horror and insensitivity,” said Widerhofer. The
workers are not unnecessarily cruel, but they are also
not unnecessarily kind. “The important thing is how the
animals can be born, raised and held as efficiently and
inexpensively as possible, how to treat them so they’re as
fresh and undamaged as possible when they arrive at the
slaughterhouse, and that the levels of medications and
stress hormones in the meat are below legal limits,” explains
Widerhofer, “No one thinks about whether they’re
happy. If you want to call that a scandal, which is more
than justified, then you have to take your thinking one
step further. Then it becomes a scandal of how we live,
because this economic “soulless” efficiency is in a reciprocal
relationship with our society’s lifestyle…we all
enjoy the fruits of automation and industrialization and
globalization every day, which affects much more than
just our food.”
06/28 March-03 April 2007

Make the Most of your Monday:
Soap Boxing Poetry Slam
By Alex Ebert
After a weekend free of time clocks, company
policies and homework, no one’s excited
to begin their week again. Monday,
for most part, is easily the worst day of
the week. What most people don’t realize
is that they have a choice in the matter.
Instead of wasting Monday night cursing
softly to your dog, why not expel stress
cursing the very existence of Monday to an
entire crowd. Take your Monday to a Poetry
Slam, and make Monday the last day
of your weekend.
Monday, March 5th was the one-year anniversary
of the Soap Box Slam. At 8 p.m.
the Artists’ Quarter was buzzing with excitement
for the night’s main event. Poets
rehearsed one last time, talked with their
competitors, or bellied-up to the bar for a
drink of liquid courage. Audience members
mingled with the poets and jostled
for seats at the small round tables facing
the bright stage. The microphone’s buzz
though the PA filled the room with electricity,
silent below the crowd. Suddenly,
“Few people will leave
a slam unmoved in one
way or another,” Asserts
Rucker, “It is cheaper and
better than a movie, and
usually more entertaining.
It is intense, intelligent and
good culture, but lighthearted,
interesting and
fun.”
silence consumed the bar as the first poet
approached the stage. Cool beads of condensation
slowly crawled down glasses,
and down the contestants’ necks. The first
poet, Ezra Stead, grabbed the microphone
and pulled it close to his lips, staring out
into the crowd. The time for the slam had
come.
Slam Poetry, a rebirth of the ancient art of
lyrical storytelling, put the power into the
hands of the people. Poet Michael Mlekoday
explains, “Slam is designed to be a
democratic art form. We choose the judges
out of the audience so we’re really saying
to the people, ‘Hey, you can decide what
good poetry is!’”
“It is stimulating entertainment - unlike
television, one doesn’t go to a Slam to veg
out. Anyone can go to a slam and enjoy
themselves. The variety is amazing: comedy,
tragedy, irony, politics. You don’t have
to know or even love poetry to have a good
time there,” declares Matthew Rucker,
proprietor of the Soap Boxing Slam.
The formula is simple: raw poetry plus a
wild audience equals a great time. The
competitors score points only if they can
invoke a feeling within the audience. “Because,”
as Rucker explains, “there is nothing
else going on besides the poet’s performance.
[The performance] has to be good
in order not to bore the audience.” The
crowd is hushed, the bar is silent, and the
PA system is powerful so that every syllable
of every word caries the full weight
of the emotion behind it.
The competitive edge inherent to a poetry
slam adds the magic to the formula. “Because
it is a competition,” says Rucker,
“the poets are compelled to find and use
the best of their abilities. The audience is
far more attentive because points are at
stake.” The key element to winning a slam
is winning audience participation. As the
audience connects with the poetry they
cheer for happiness, hush at sorrow, and
cringe at pain.
As soon as a poem is finished, randomly
chosen audience members act as judges,
as the rest of the audience responds to the
judges’ point evaluations. The five judges
hold up diving-style number scores from
1.0 to 10.0 and audience members boo
scores they feel are too low and cheer for
high point awards. The highest and lowest
scores are knocked out, to avoid cranky
or over-ecstatic judges, and points are
chalked up for the contestants.
This intellectual but boisterous atmosphere
makes the poetry slam a completely
unique and satisfying experience. “Few
people will leave a slam unmoved in one
way or another,” Asserts Rucker, “It is
cheaper and better than a movie, and usually
more entertaining. It is intense, intelligent
and good culture, but lighthearted,
interesting and fun.” In other words, it is
everything a Monday night should be.
Slam competitions are held both in St.
Paul and in Minneapolis. The Artists’
Quarter in St. Paul has a slam every first
Monday of each month at 8:00 PM, and
open mic every other Monday night. Kieran’s
Irish Pub in downtown Minneapolis
has a slam contest every second and fourth
Tuesday of each month.
A case of the Mondays is a serious disease,
but a cheap and accessible treatment exists.
For five dollars, or free if you compete,
slam and extend your weekend one
more day. Free yourself from the worst day
of the week by transforming it one into one
of the best.
For more information on the Artists’ Quarter visit
www.artistsquarter.com or to learn more about the
St. Paul’s Poetry Slam visit www.soap-boxing.com.
Trust the Professionals
www.wakemag.org\07

Voices/
alex judkins
08/ 28 March-03 April 2007
Horror movie super-violence
destroys cinema as an art form
BY Jacob miller
Panicking through the fog of a dream, there is a frantic
groan, “My god, the fear is nauseating.” The frigid aura of
a dusty nightmare clings to a sea of sprinkling smoke over
rusty blackness while the dark depths rise to the surface
with a sick gleam in the eye, slinging mutilation and gore.
Lightning cracks from the mystic horn of another time
and place; you are the terror that permeates this modern
moment. A latent smile sneaks around your cold and
trembling mouth, troublingly satisfied.
Perhaps this is the kind of frightful sensation we are all
looking for when we go to see a scary movie. The horror
genre has a certain sickness to it that has always been
attractive for moviegoers, from the classic German expressionist
to today’s gory thrillers. I can’t help being
curious about the horror genre and our fascination with
it. Perhaps a dark side resides in us all, whether we enjoy
horror films or not; how else could we let such terrible
things happen in our world Whether it be a classic horror
film that succeeds in generating a unique and chilling
trip into a frightening world or a cheesy slasher film,
the horror genre deserves some attention in the young
twenty-first century.
But first, what has happened to the horror genre The
quantity of horror films may have risen, but the quality
surely has decreased significantly. What a terribly formulaic
genre it has become, usually following the same
predictable conventions and forms. The content varies
between standard storylines and worthless dialog, always
full of sensational action scenes and usually with
plenty of blood and close-ups of disgusting things, such
as someone’s kneecap getting chopped with an axe. The
blatant uses of gore and visible brutality have become
the hallmarks of today’s horror films, leaving little to the
imagination.
These complaints are extensions of broader criticisms
of mainstream American filmmaking in general, which
has sunk so low it has arrived at the point of ridiculousness.
In almost all genres, the stuff that many people
watch usually follows the same sensational patterns and
seems to have the same characters in multiple movies.
People would probably watch almost anything as long as
it grabbed their short attention spans long enough to keep
them entertained for an hour or so. Hollywood filmmaking
has a certain level of shallowness to it, not challenging
or engaging the viewer in any way. Surely there will
be a lot of fantastic explosions, passionate kissing, loads
of lame jokes and one-liners put together into a fairly predictable
design. It’s also difficult not to notice more subtle
and frightening trends, such as the vulgar objectification
of women in almost any kind of Hollywood film anymore.

\ Voices
Indeed, the horror genre has become a joke. Recently I
was let down by a film that many had assured me was really
good. I must say, zombie scare 28 Days Later had its
moments and was stylistically original, but ultimately it
was a disappointment. From one point of view, within the
confines of a “zombie movie,” it was well done. But that
compromise is one that I’m hesitant to make. I am not
impressed with a cookie-cutter approach to film making,
regardless of the confines created to justify shitty movies.
Indeed, some argue that observing these varying ridiculous
and sometimes humorous forms are what make it
amusing. They say, “It’s a horror movie, of course that’s
what is going to happen,” letting the mediocrity slide by.
I’m not so willing to exchange originality for the cheap
thrills of clichéd films.
No matter what the state of mainstream horror movies is
these days, we shouldn’t quit being curious about their
possible significance in our increasingly violent societies
and war-torn globe. More specifically, we should consider
why we continue to be amused by fright and gore.
Perhaps I’ll share my own experience. When I was a zombie,
my gashed face, painful groans and staggering limp
didn’t keep me from keenly observing my surroundings.
Yes, those cold nights in the cemetery provided some of
the most thoughtful reflections on our current moment,
seen through the scarecrows, full moons, dead bodies
and not only fellow zombies, but also shadowy vampires,
crazed pirates and some deranged clowns from the depths
of a Tom Waits circus from hell. Those nights creepin’
around in the fog were great fun within the realm of the
fright and blood.
Yes, I was zombie and in some ways, always will be. I was
working during the Halloween festivities at Valleyfair,
which cleverly turns into “ValleyScare” during October
for their yearly haunted house attractions. It was an experience
that stimulated a curiosity into the appealing and
fun nature of fright. And what better crowd to observe in
this situation than the suburban, upper-middle class as
they came out to Shakopee with their friends and family
They paid money for entrance to the park to enjoy a variety
of differently themed haunted house-type experiences,
including the Blood Creek Cemetery where I growled,
moaned, passively threatened, and occasionally chatted
with the passer-bys. The company went all out on props,
costumes and everything else to make it a success, as it
was a business investment. Over the course of four weekends,
I perfected my zombie mode of existence and had
plenty of time to consider the significance of my grotesque
costume and nightmarish scene as the happy families
came through in search of fear and fun.
It is usually a family theme park, so they warned about
the content at the door and advised small children not
to participate; they were looking for an adolescent and
young adult crowd and went all out with the brutality. For
example, in Blood Creek Cemetery, where I was perfecting
my scaring techniques, there was a fake creek lit to
look like it was filled with blood and lined with mutilated
bodies. It didn’t look all that real, but with all the fog
machines, bloody zombies and tombstones, they succeeded
in creating the appearance of an alternate reality, one
where death hides around each corner and embraces you
in sweet, sweet fear. All who passed through there met
Damien, the butcher character who stood in the middle of
the water and hacked away at fake body parts with a huge
knife. He shouted at people as they walked by that he was
going to kill them and chop them up as well; he was the
highlight of the attraction.
The reactions were mixed, but I know that each night
some foolish parents would bring their young kids
through there, only to hurry out the exit with the kids
in a panic of tears. It seemed like many people, not only
the children, were still able to voluntarily get sent into
a different dimension where fantasy and reality were
not separate. There were many older folks whose reactions
were mixed, but they all must have been united
with the same subconscious fascination with death, destruction
and mutilation.
The blatant uses of gore and visible
brutality have become the
hallmarks of today’s horror films,
leaving little to the imagination.
In the film world, the horror genre must draw on these
impulses. One thing to consider about horror films
is how they create alternative spaces where strange,
frightening and often violent things happen. This is
a generalized notion of the genre, leaving room for
slasher films, supernatural frights, realistic suspense
thrillers or the totally alien worlds of films like David
Lynch’s Eraserhead. These days, what are often missing
are unique and original conceptual approaches, which
are replaced by image content. The shock of seeing
something disgusting suddenly takes the place of the
imagination; we all now share the same visual images.
This is significantly opposed to the classic approach
used by Hitchcock. In this sense, the new horror movies
are innovative; they just continually produce crappy
films, such as the Final Destination series, which serves
as a perfect example of this shallow approach to horror.
Similar trends also came through at ValleyScare. After
the opening night, we were carefully coached by our
“scare masters” (supervisors) to adopt different scare
methods. On the opening night, many of us staggered
around the guests in the fog, hoping to transport them
and ourselves into a darker dimension of zombie domination
and strove to make the “Blood Creek Cemetery”
a glimpse into another reality. This approach was soon
discouraged and more emphasis was put on to “actually
scaring” patrons by means of sneaking up behind
them with noise makers or a prop and jumping at them.
Many times this approach would elicit a startled jump
or scream, but was it really scary This approach seems
to be less of a genuine and original scary situation than
a cheap thrill of catching them off guard and eliciting
their instinctual reaction to perceived aggression.
Some of my fellow zombie employees got too much of
a thrill from their powerful role, sometimes ganging
up and surrounding the guest, at times not-so-passively
threatening them with fake knifes and chains.
What this approach lacks, which one also sees in the
approach to many recent horror films, is an element of
subjectivity; in this situation, people’s imaginations are
left inactive. The startled reaction is just a natural response
to being caught off guard. In the films, it is the
same idea, but here you are getting caught off guard
visually.
Either way, the helpless victims must fall to the satisfaction,
consciously or not, of some deviant part of our
mind. What it is that drives our fascination with death
is surely a mystery but deserves attention. At the very
least, we know that death is an intimate part of our
experience as humans. Every one of us will eventually
die. While this is not usually on the top of ours minds,
it is a fact that no one can hide from. Perhaps our horror
films and Halloween festivities play on this unavoidable
fact of humanity and also on fears of someday
being a victim of the unknown.
Photo Poll
by Rahima Schwenkbeck
How do you feel
about a universal
health care
system
I think universal health
care is a good idea. But I
think it should be limited
to basic coverage and
not overabundance, i.e.
annual health exam,
dental, eye care, cancer
checks, etc. That way,
we (the American
citizens) will not be
paying for unnecessary
procedures.
JEN PRIBYL
Advertising
Senior
I believe we should have
universal health like
many other developed
countries (namely
Sweden). But one
big problem to that;
America is very large
and our population is
widely dispersed across
all available land. This
poses a problem: the
cost to set up hospitals
and clinics (that mirror
what we have now)
would be enormous.
...Unless we are willing
to re-tool how we do
health care, I don’t think
it’s feasible.
JOHN ROBERTS
Communication
Senior
It would seem that a
universal health care
system would benefit
a greater majority of
people than are being
helped by our current
system.
NICOLE KENNEDY
Sociology-Law, Criminology,
Deviance
Senior
www.wakemag.org\09

Literary/
Etching
By Lindsey Wallace
I wish sometimes, just sometimes but still,
that I could erase it all.
Take this scrap piece of paper with
this drawing of a world upon it and crumple it in a ball.
Then start fresh with a new piece of land and a new drawing
tool.
Where all our children will be numerous and beautiful,
the faults of the old world never appearing in them.
We will love all of them with all we have
and they will love us and each other.
There won’t be piercing loss
and the threat of loss won’t rear its ugly head.
Deaths will consist of joyous dances with
flowered robes and beautiful smells.
We will not mourn their passing but we will laugh
with them and remember with them to the very end.
Each hand of the dying will hold the hand of a loved one.
And we will warm their passing with our smiles
and the light reflecting off the few tears glistening in our
eyes.
We’ll have the wisdom to realize that
God would not create us all so different
if he intended for us all to be the same.
Everything will be gentler because
beneath it all will be a strong foundation of unconditional
love.
Friendships will have no expiration date.
There will be wanting.
There will be no greed.
We will all hope, all endure, and all save
each other together.
In The Belly
We Are
Wronged
By Lindsey Wallace
I have melancholy tropical storms welling inside my liver.
There is a tidal wave of agony about to pour from my
kidneys.
There is a blizzard of regret swirling behind my retinas.
There is a tornado of terrible wrecking my esophagus.
There is corrupt acid rain in my muscles.
The threat of loss is sleeting in my spleen.
Poverty precipitates up and down my spine.
There isn’t place enough to put all the pain in the world.
Within each organ we store our own, who is big enough to
store it all
Prose
Prose
Prose
Prose
Send me
some
Prose
300 words or so.
jduellman@wakemag.org
HOW TO submit to the
Literary section:
Submitting is easy! Send your poems, short stories
or suggestions to jduellman@wakemag.org
Attach your work using Microsoft Word and also
include your piece in the body of the e-mail. Any
accompanying illustrations must be sent at 300
DPI.
Still have concerns We are also available to
meet in person to workshop your creative work.
Just send an e-mail to set an appointment. We
don’t bite... hard.
10/ 28 March-03 April 2007

\Literary
Literary Events
Who: Leslie Adrienne Miller
What: The author discusses ‘The Resurrection Trade.’
When: Wednesday, March 28th, 7 pm.
Where: The Loft Literary Center (1011 Washington Ave
S), FREE
Who: Anatoly Liberman
What: Time and Language
When: Thursday, March 29th, 4 pm.
Where: Nolte Center Lounge (U of M), FREE
Who: Michael Friedman; Anselm Hollo
What: Writers read from recent works.
When: Thursday, March 29th, 7:30 pm.
Where: Rogue Buddha Art Gallery (357 13th Ave NE,
Mpls.), FREE
Who: Christopher Moore
What: The author discusses ‘You Suck.’
When: Friday, March 30th, 7 pm.
Where: Coffman Bookstore (U of M), FREE
Who: Shelia Bland; Pat Samples; Sandy Beach; Danielle
Daniel; Heidi Arneson
What: Reading and story telling
When: Friday, March 30th, 7 pm.
Where: Amazon Bookstore (4755 Chicago Ave S,
Mpls.), FREE
Who: Mentor Reading: Jim Moore
What: The poet reads from recent works with Heather
Goodman; Nena Johansen.
When: Friday, March 30th, 7 pm.
Where: The Loft Literary Center, FREE
Who: Kim Harrison
What: The author discusses her writing.
When: Saturday, March 31st, 7 pm.
Where: The Loft Literary Center, FREE
Who: Jonathan Lethem
What: The author discusses ‘You Don’t Love Me Yet.’
When: Monday, April 2nd, 7 pm.
Where: Coffman Bookstore (U of M), FREE
www.wakemag.org\11

Feature/
LEAVE
MARX
ON THE
DANCE
FLOOR
12/ 28 March-03 April 2007

\Feature
Cold War Kids craft a demographically confused
sound. Though the group is based out
of southern California, they’re contenders for
the dirtiest alt-blues group crown (excluding
the White Stripes, of course). Together
since ’04, they rose to prominence in ’06 with
the release of their heralded full-length debut,
Robbers and Cowards. Playing several
high status festivals over the summer, the
group ended the year on many a top 10 list.
On March 7th, the group played their first
ever Minnesota show with their friends, Delta
Spirit, in the opening slot.
To much dismay, the scheduled opener for
the evening had been canceled. Tokyo Police
Club, a new group from Canada, found
themselves in the midst of the snow storm
and out of a gig. Fortunately, the evening’s
headliner came prepared with one of the
best shows in Minneapolis’s this year, and
all were left satisfied.
As their name suggests, Delta Spirit share a
quality or two with the Cold War Kids. They
play a similar brand of old country blues,
though frequently more subdued and with a
touch more like Ryan Adams. The most definitive
external characteristic of Delta Spirit
is that the lead singer bears an uncanny resemblance
to Fez from That 70s Show. At the
March 7th performance, he sported a long
sleeve plaid button up tucked into a pair of
tight jeans with short black hair parted to on
side. The rest of the group members were
oddly dressed in black tops of different varieties.
The David Gilmour look-a-like bassist
wore a tight v-neck t-shirt, the drummer a
v-neck sweater, the guitarist a plain black
under shirt, and the 5th member a plain
black t-shirt. This 5th member was in notable
in serving as quite the utility man, a Denny
Hocking of sorts. His instrument of choice
ranged from the keyboard to a sleigh bell
to a pair of maracas. The majority of Delta
Spirit’s songs had the feel of a front porch
sing-a-long; ballads which would flare out in
the end.
It took a while for Cold War Kids to take the
stage, but their take-off made it worth the
audience’s wait. The lead singer, something
of a Tarantino look alike, took a seat at the
piano and pounded out the opening chords
of, “We Used To Vacation.” A stumbling, saloon
piano kick off, it featured a sporadic solo
from their grizzled guitarist. The guitarist,
along with the old time punk bassist, provided
the better part of the group’s onstage
movement. Though I’m generally not certain
of ages, the bassist could have fallen anywhere
from late 20s to mid 40s. His appearance
and attitude suggested him to have been
the brunt of many a bar house brawl. Onstage
he kept busy, making his way from side to
side, at one point kicking the front man in the
ass as he spun by.
All band members partook in similar antics,
except for the drummer. By placing a simple
hand on the shoulder of the guitarist, or a
soft jab to the back as the singer tickled the
ivories, they exuded a genuine sense of camaraderie,
which helped to strengthen their
overall effect.
The second song was “Passing the Hat,”
which drew their front man out from under
his piano to the front of the stage: microphone
at his lips, guitar strapped firmly
round his shoulder. This song was heavy on
the tom (yes, singular, as the kit had only one)
and featured some audaciously arranged
piano/ guitar interplay. Two songs later arrived
a clear evening highlight -- the cover of
John Lennon’s, “Well, Well, Well”. This was a
wise selection given the lead singer’s natural
vocal similarity to Lennon.
In spite of this seamlessly covered, up-tempo
Lennon gem, it was two songs later that feet
finally started to shuffle. Their rendition of,
“St. John,” is one of the most inspired performances
to date. For this song, the guitarist
took a seat at the piano and Delta Spirit joined
Cold War Kids onstage. Everyone was playing
some sort of drum and the backing vocals,
handled by the spastic guitarist and Fez, were
possessed. Symbols resting atop stools were
punched as bass drums were slapped and
kicked. Tambourines were beaten to a pulp
as the maracas were shaken without mercy.
This double-barreled blues number was shot
from the hip and left all floored.
The last song of the evening, following a
sensational rendition of, “Hang Me Up to
Dry,” was by far their longest. The group
dedicated the song to former tour mates,
Tapes ‘n Tapes, who were at the show. Originally
Cold War Kids’ opening act, they are
now of at least equal status. After seeing
their show, I can attest that such a dedication
is truly an honor.
ben lansky
www.wakemag.org\13

Campus/
BY trey mewes
Humans have always found the sea to be a
mysterious force. Deep, dark and vast, the
ocean has held a fascination for us since
we became intelligent enough to build
boats. Although the University of Minnesota
is far from any ocean, the campus
now has the opportunity to experience
that same awe-inspiring feeling. Lurking
deep within Coffman Memorial Union is
the Coffman Art Gallery, which is currently
featuring “Aquatic Oddities,” a new
exhibition by local artist and recent U of
M graduate Martha Iserman.
Looking at Iserman’s artwork, it’s apparent
the artist treasures a deep fixation for
the murky depths of the ocean. Martha
Iserman describes herself in her artist’s
statement concerning the exhibit as “a recent
BFA graduated from the University of
Minnesota with an odd and unsubstantiated
fear/obsession of sharks and the sea.”
Like other artists, she has drawn upon
these fears and obsessions and created a
series of ink and mixed media drawings
that forces the viewer to appreciate her
dark creations.
“I’ve had shark nightmares since I can
remember having dreams,” Iserman says.
“At certain points in my life they were
as frequent as at least once a week.” Although
it may seem frightening, Iserman
says “It’s not really traumatic.”
The artwork itself is hauntingly beautiful.
Iserman uses dark colors and tints in
her drawings of regular marine animals. A
sense of dread accompanies several works,
especially when the sea creatures appear
to be rising from the depths of the sea in
an almost mystical manner, as can be seen
in “Hybrid Narwhale.” The bleak, murky
backgrounds in all of the drawings contrast
with the almost-menacing creatures
in order to bring to life a powerful sense
of wonder against the white walls and the
bright lights of the Coffman Art Gallery.
In pieces like “Arms,” the tentacles of an
octopus or squid blot out the animal itself,
creating the mental image that it might not
be safe to view the creature standing still.
“There’s nothing creepier than something
crawling out of the water to get us,” Iserman
said. “It’s terrifying and primal, and
I’d like to think that despite all of our
advanced technology there’s still some
sense of the fantastic there.” Yet not all
of Iserman’s work inside Coffman evokes
fear. Some drawings, such as “Pods,” show
a marine creature in a still moment, as if
the viewer has stumbled upon a mystical
and foreign world by simply standing and
observing the artwork. There is no fear in
this work, just a sense of wonder, a sense
of awe and respect for nature.
“There’s nothing creepier
than something crawling
out of the water to get us,”
Iserman said.
“What we liked about it was that it was
very, very unique,” said Amelia Maciejewski,
Visual Arts Committee Chair
at MPAC. MPAC, or the Minnesota
Programs & Activities Council, sponsored
the exhibition. “When we looked
at her work it was just very compelling.”
Compelling is merely one of the characteristics
of the art, however. One of
her best pieces, entitled “Leviathan vs
Kraekan,” goes beyond compelling. The
portrait lets the viewer observe a titanic
battle between a whale and a giant squid,
violently locked in combat somewhere
between the bright blue waves of the sea
and the crushing depths of the water below.
As the gigantic blue whale struggles
to tear off a tentacle with its teeth, the
ominous red kraken attempts to entrap
its opponent in a deathly grip with its
tentacles. Once again, the artwork draws
those who view it into a world strangely
familiar and yet frightening.
“It goes back to our natural human fear of
the unknown,” Iserman says, “And to me,
the ocean is the last really unknown place
on this planet. With recent discoveries of
giant squid and prehistoric sharks featured
on international news, it’s apparent
that we’re still fascinated with new biological
creatures.”
“Aquatic Oddities” will be featured at
the Coffman Art Gallery through May 2.
Admission to the public is free. All works
that are featured will be available to purchase
through Coffman Art Gallery. So
come on down to Coffman if you want to
experience the ocean blue and all its wonders.
But if you do view the apparitions
Iserman has created, remember one thing:
Are you viewing these sea creatures, or are
they viewing you
“Water is foreign to me,” Iserman says.
“We’re not supposed to be in it, as far as
I’m concerned. There are large things with
teeth in there that can swim a hell of a lot
faster than I can.”
For more information on Martha Iserman, visit her
website at www.bigredsharks.com.
martha iserman
14/ 28 March-03 April 2007

\Campus
jeremy sengly
Healthcare
BY elizabeth aulwes
What’s one of the major differences between
the United States and other industrialized
countries Healthcare. It’s not
just that most other first-world countries
provide healthcare to their citizens under
a universal system. In the United States,
healthcare is tied to employment in a way
that cripples the unemployed.
“The U.S. is unique [because] we have an
employer-based system,” says Steve Parente
of the U’s Medical Industry Leadership
Institute at The Current and Citizens
League’s presentation, “Policy and a Pint:
Healthcare Handcuffs.” And it’s not as
if this issue hasn’t come up before,” adds
Chris Farrell, MPR’s chief economics editor
on stage with Parente and 89.3. The
Current’s Steve Seel, moderator for the
evening at the Varsity Theater on Wednesday,
Mar. 7. In fact, Farrell explains, it’s
come up about every 15 years for the past
several decades. “Why is it going to be different
this time” he asks.
Because “you’re paying for 46 million
uninsured,” Parente says. Medicare and
Medicaid were created to assuage health
care crisis’s similar to the current one.
But “the middle class was largely covered”
those times, Parente says. Not so this
time around. In this “hypercompetitive
economy,” employers are cutting benefits
and extending probationary periods for
new employees as premiums and co-pays
skyrocket.
Many wonder if universal healthcare is
even possible. Farrell says there are two
kinds of feasibility to take into account:
economic and political. Farrell wonders if
our economy can support universal healthcare,
especially during the transition, and
if anyone can get the votes to institute a
change. It’s possible, Parente thinks, but
it’s going to take a lot of time, effort and
money.
The ever-deteriorating situation is spurring
legislators to take action. 2008 presidential
hopeful John Edwards already has
a universal healthcare plan designed and
many in Congress are drawing up plans
and calling for change. Fifth District Congressman
Keith Ellison campaigned on
support for a single-payer system of universal
healthcare throughout last year’s
elections and would likely vote yes on any
such legislation.
So what to do Examine
how we got into this mess
and consider our options.
But a single-payer system, which would
mean the government provides healthcare
for all citizens through tax increases,
is controversial. Farrell thinks a “fee for
service” system might work better. “The
price should be based on improvement,”
he explains. That way, you’d only have to
fork over the cash after your condition
improves. Such a system would encourage
doctors to focus on chronic illnesses
instead of the temporary bug at hand as
well.
Parente, on the other hand, thinks there
are some benefits worth noting under a
single-payer system. “All the single-payer
systems come out ahead,” Parente says, if
you consider all the results we’re looking
for, such as increased life expectancies
and low infant mortality rates. “Universal
healthcare doesn’t mean you have to give
up choice,” he says, addressing one of the
system’s biggest controversies.
So what to do Examine how we got into
this mess and consider our options, the
speakers explain. “How did it get tied to
employment” Seel says.
“These are policies that were put in place
[before World War II],” Farrell says. They
were war policies that were never updated,
he explains.
“We need to separate this link between
employment and health insurance,” Parente
says. “The issue can’t go away.”
About time.
Your
ad
Here
contact us about adspace at
office@wakemag.org
www.wakemag.org\15

Campus/
Utango: Don’t Be Afraid
to Step on Toes
BY brad tucker
About twenty students gather every
Wednesday night on the third floor of
Coffman Memorial Union. Starting at 7
p.m. they each pick a partner and begin to
dance. They move around the room slowly
at first, leaning into each other, spinning
counterclockwise occasionally. Every now
and again there is a small collision, one
couple bumping into another unsuspecting
pair of dancers.
They begin to move a little closer as the
night goes on, their bodies becoming loose
and the steps becoming more familiar.
Once or twice a toe is crushed or a cue is
missed, but they never get frustrated with
each other. They are all about learning and
having fun, each member contributing to
his or her neighbors experience. They are
Utango.
The Argentine Tango Club was founded
in the summer of 2004, in their words to
“promote Argentine culture and dance
specifically geared towards the University
of Minnesota community.” The group
got off to a slow start. Most students were
unaware of its existence, and they had
trouble recruiting new members. The fact
that they couldn’t get a permanent room
for their weekly lessons didn’t help much
either.
“We would put up flyers saying we were
going to meet in a certain room on campus,
and then find out we were moved at
the last minute,” says secretary James
Regan. “People would show up looking for
Utango and end up wandering around the
building lost.”
Regan, an Italian Studies senior, has been
with Utango on and off since September
of 2004. He says getting people to come
back regularly is one of the group’s biggest
challenges. “Sometimes new dancers are
nervous to dance with people they don’t
know. And it is a little difficult to learn,
but once you get to a certain point it really
is a lot of fun.”
The tango started in South America at the
end of the 19th century. During this period,
immigrants from Africa, Russia and
Western Europe were coming in mass to
the southeastern coast of South America.
Dancers in Buenos Aires, Argentina and
Montevideo, Uruguay fused the steps and
music of the varied cultures together to
form a new type of dancing. The tango
caught on first in bars and brothels, but
soon made its way out of South America to
London, Paris and New York.
Like most popular dances before it, the
tango was met with some resistance. The
close holds and provocative steps and
rhythms shocked the uninitiated. Not
surprisingly the tango experienced a few
modifications as it is moved further away
from Argentina. In what has come to be
known as ballroom tango, European and
America dancers stepped back a little,
limiting the amount of body contact between
couples. In order to promote the
dance as a competitive activity the steps
became standardized to enable the judging
of tango performance.
In Argentina though, the tango has stayed
true to its roots. There it is an improvisational
dance, one that has continued
to evolve since its inception. Three major
styles of tango have developed. Salon tango
is one of the oldest and most recognizable
forms of Argentine tango. In this style
the dancers practice tight close holds and
slow, deliberate steps. Stage tango features
larger and more complex steps, and the
dancers stand a little further apart, freeing
up their movements. Utango practices
what is called Nuevo or Neo tango. Nuevo
combines steps and holds from all forms of
tango and is very popular with the younger
generation of tango dancers.
The tango is an improvisational
dance, and one you
become competent in the
basic steps you can dance
with just about anybody to
any music.
In the spring of 2006 Utango began to
gain a little momentum. Sabine Ibes began
making guest-teaching appearances
with the group. When the new school year
started in the fall, senior Lindsey Stratton
took over as Club President. Ibes and Niko
Salgado became the full-time instructors
for the group. Now in what Stratton calls a
transition year, the group is growing every
week.
“People are starting to hear about us, the
word is spreading,” Stratton says. “More
people join each semester.”
Part of the reason for the spike in new
members is instructors Ibes and Salgado.
Both are experienced in a number of
dances, including swing, ballroom, salsa,
and ballet between them. Ibes discovered
Argentine tango about five years ago and
was immediately hooked.
“After my first lesson I dropped all the
other dances I was doing and started regularly
going to tango lessons and workshops,”
Ibes says. Many aspects of the
dance attracted Ibes. “Tango is not based
on sequences, but rather musicality and
partnership. It is about taking some risks
on the dance floor, and with the right person
there is a little sensuality.”
According to Ibes one of the keys to tango
is being comfortable and being able to
trust your partner. The tango is an improvisational
dance, and one you become
competent in the basic steps you can dance
with just about anybody to any music.
ethan stark
Stratton joined Utango three years ago.
Her love of dancing led her to try the
dance after discovering the group during
orientation. Like most students in
the group she had never done the tango
before. Now she is club president and during
lessons she works with the more advanced
students, and often is chosen by
Ibes to help demonstrate steps in front of
the class. Both Stratton and Regan credit
Ibes and Salgado for the group’s recent
resurgence.
“We have very good instructors this year,”
Regan says. “They are very organized and
build on what we have learned each week.”
For the remainder of the semester Utango
will continue to hold their weekly lessons
at Coffman Memorial Union. The group
also participates in community dances,
and is planning a partnership dance
with the salsa club. They’ll also continue
to put up flyers to promote their group.
And watch out for their newest recruiting
weapon: the Tango Bomb.
“We’re just going to walk around campus
with a portable CD player,” Stratton says.
“Randomly we will turn on a song and
show people Argentine Tango.”
Utango meets every Wednesday at CMU room 325 at
7 p.m. The first lesson is free. Membership for students
is $25 a semester.
16/28 March-03 April 2007

\Campus
It Can Happen Here
BY becky lang
A little less ambiguous than the “wild
beasts” and “true flames” predicted by
Nostradamus, the predictions of 1930s-era
writer Sinclair Lewis have caught the attention
of writer, blogger and radio personality
Joe Conason, without even needing
to be translated into English and out
of metaphor.
On Monday Mar. 5, Conason visited Coffman
Union’s bookstore to discuss his
new book, It Can Happen Here, a current
analysis of the Big Brother-like scenario
in Lewis’ It Can’t Happen Here. Upon
unearthing the mostly-forgotten book,
Conason noticed a few parallels between
the book’s distopian government and our
current administration. The president in
the book, a man named Buzz Windrip,
gains public support by being a “regular
guy,” with a dozen skims of the Bible under
his belt and a “brain” for Vice-President.
He advocates anti-intellectual, traditional
values, all the while bankrupting
the country and initiating a red-herring of
a war with Mexico, due to a pre-emptive
“conflict at the borders.”
Opening Joe Conason’s discussion was
Al Franken, who spoke briefly and made
sure to plug that he was running for senate.
Then Conason read and discussed his
book, opening himself up to questions
from the audience. One audience member
asked Conason if he believed that people
“cling to an authoritarian impulse in times
of fear,” proposing that a certain factor of
our current political atmosphere creates
a collective psyche similar to that of the
1930s. While Conason remained humble
about his knowledge of psychological motivations,
he did say that it was possible
that citizens could “project their own
desire for power onto their leaders,” thus
making them gravitate toward powerhungry
figures.
However, he believes that it is the regime
that desires the authoritarian power rather
than the citizens, because such power
holds tremendous tax cuts for the rich and
the ability to maintain control at the expense
of civil liberties.
He was eager to point out that his fear
was not a party distinction, but that authoritarianism
can crop up in Republican
and Democratic regimes alike. Instead
of attacking one party, he advocated a
system of checks and balances, making
it impossible for a “Unitary Executive,”
a spin term for dictator, to ever abolish
the Senate and House’s power to overrule
Presidential commands.
The crowd was made up of
mostly baby boomer couples,
with a ratio of about
four seasoned beards for
every one audience member
who looked like they
couldn’t yet buy their own
booze.
“Honest conservatives are disturbed about
this too,” he says, claiming that many had
called and agreed with the thesis of his
book. He did qualify this, adding with a
chuckle, “Not that many.”
The crowd was made up of mostly baby
boomer couples, with a ratio of about four
seasoned beards for every one audience
member who looked like they couldn’t yet
buy their own booze. The lack of college
students bothered one crowd-member, who
voiced his surprise and disappointment.
Conason hypothesized that the low turn-
out was due to high school curriculum
teaching “to the test” rather than to the
citizen. This not-so-subtle jab was at
Bush’s “No Child Left Behind Policy,”
and its tendency to initiate lessons about
test-taking strategies while ignoring high
school history curriculums that fail to
cover events past the 1980s.
In addition to this fact, it could be that the
two generations grew up exposed to different
media. Our generation was raised
with newscasts that try to scare us so
commonly that a warning about Gatorade
bottles on airplanes will get as much airtime
as a suicide bombing overseas. As a
recent South Park episode joked, the news
must get our attention by constantly making
us think we are going to die. Incessantly
warned about loose hinges on dog
doors and faulty airbags, the vulnerability
of our generation is reinforced by exploitation.
Although Conason’s book discusses
a threat both relevant and preventable, it
could be that younger liberals have become
disenchanted by any idea that uses
fear as an incentive to act.
dave hagen
As for the baby boomers, they have enough
life experience to see both the effects of
fascism and the reality of domestic danger,
accumulating enough irate restlessness to
trek out in 13 degree weather and lament
about it. Not to mention they got to share
in their particular sense of humor, laughing
heartily at Conason’s subtle insinuation
that Bush’s hijinx are making Nixon
look good.
Finally, Conason insists that what every
age shares in is what he calls “cultural
memory.” Blogs and websites like Wikipedia
give us so much information about daily
happenings that we’ve created a sense
of dissonance from what is most urgent,
losing touch with the lessons of the past.
Between constant coverage of Anna Nicole
Smith and re-plays of Ann Coulter saying
“faggot,” true wisdom may need to get the
ratings in order to be found.
www.wakemag.org\17

Photography/
18/ 28 March-03 April 2007

\Photography
Abbey Klienert
www.wakemag.org\19

Athletics/
Kristina Lambert
and the Synergy
Synchronized Skating
Team
BY tammy quan
I watch ESPN or any other channels showing
sports when I see too many cartoon reruns.
In these moments of boredom I wear
down the TV, searching for snowboarding
events, boxing matches or figure skating
competitions. The buttons on the TV remain
slightly depressed because of my indecisiveness;
I frequently switch back and
forth between two different sports. If the
TV were alive it would hate me.
I was a spectator who viewed all sports as
nothing more than games that people play.
No matter how much publicity the Super
Bowl or any other sporting events received,
I thought them no more important
than sources of entertainment and easy
ways for talented athletes to make lots of
money. To me, only marketing advertisements
and athletes truly seemed to benefit
from sports with potential revenue as the
main advantage.
I even treated ice-skating frivolously until
I interviewed Kristina Lambert, the
founder of the Synergy Synchronized
Skating Team. I might have continued
to misconceive ice skating and to stereotype
athletes, but breaking my stereotypes
about ice skaters made me doubt the assumptions
about sports that I had before
this interview.
While questioning Kristina and listening
to her answers, I learned not only about
synchronized figure skating but also the
individuality of her team. She compared
synchronized figure skating to a “dance
line on ice,” which I found interesting. I
cannot think of many other sports that
bear so much resemblance to dancing
and allow a whole team of people to work
together at the same time. She further
impressed me with her discussion on the
technicalities of the sport and the practice
that her team does to prepare for competitions,
which brought me to the conclusion
that ice skaters do more than jump and
spin all over the ice. Somehow, I expected
that ice skaters did not need to do anything
else. Perhaps, the images of Sasha
Cohen, Kristi Yamaguchi and Scott Hamilton
executing double axles, triple axles
and gliding have embedded deep into my
mind from replays on TV.
Kristina told me that she and her team
execute “intricate footwork and make
circles.” I had never paid attention to the
footwork of any ice skater until Kristina
mentioned it. She also says “more footwork
tends to score higher in competitions.” Her
team of two local coaches and 18 full-time
University students participates in two to
three competitions a year.
I cannot think of many
other sports that bear
so much resemblance to
dancing and allow a whole
team of people to work
together at the same time.
Kristina told me that she “personally skated
for 20 years and specifically engaged
in synchronized ice skating for 15 years.”
She founded her team because she “could
not find anything else like it at the U.” She
also revealed that she enjoys “performing
as a part of a team in front of a crowd”
rather than skating alone.
Kristina says that she views synchronized
skating more as a sport than as an art,
because it involves balancing and turning
as well as muscle and flexibility. She
says skating requires power. According
to Kristina, the workout for her team involves
weight lifting, running, cardiovascular
exercises and extensive practice on
ice. Members on her team “practice two
and a half hours on ice and two hours off
ice,” two days a week. Although her team
has not held practices yet, she says tryouts
begin in April.
They hold three-hour tryouts on ice to test
individual skating skills, team maneuvers
and skaters’ ability to make circles on ice.
Even with the amount of work that they
put into synchronized skating and exercising,
her team has the technique that attracts
people to join and others to watch.
Perhaps I will watch them too.
courtesy synergy synchronized skating team
20/ 28 March-03 April 2007

\Athletics
jeremy sengly
Gopher Baseball’s
Last Dance
By Nick Gerhardt
The University of Minnesota men’s baseball
team looks like a solid squad again
this year. The team returns 12 seniors and
a potent offense that looks to help the Gophers
to a Big Ten title and an NCAA bid.
This year’s team has loads of talent and
experience, but the season may rely upon
the emergence of young pitchers.
Manager John Anderson has been impressed
with the pitching thus far, but the
group has some work to do.
“You can’t beat quality teams unless you
pitch well,” Anderson said.
Nearly half the pitching staff is comprised
of underclassmen and the staff has performed
well, posting a 4.22 ERA thus far.
The squad has enjoyed success in the early
season based upon solid performances
from the pitchers.
Minnesota has a legitimate
chance of doing some damage
in the Big Ten this year.
While some may worry about the youth
of the pitching staff, the veterans have no
doubts about their ability.
“I have as much confidence in [the young
pitchers] as anybody on the team,” said senior
pitcher Marcus McKenzie.
The Gophers have played their best
against their toughest opponents this year.
They have defeated three Top-25 ranked
teams on their way to an 11-5 mark bolstered
by strong outings from the pitching
staff.
The offense looks stout with senior Mike
Mee setting the pace for hitting. Performances
by Matt Nohelty, the freshman
All-American last year, and Derek Mc-
Callum have also shown that the Gophers
have no problem producing runs. The only
question is just how many they will need
to earn victories in the Big Ten this season.
Michigan and Ohio State loom large as
conference play begins in late March. The
Gophers will have tough challenges ahead
as those two teams were predicted to finish
first and second in preseason polls.
Michigan beat Minnesota in the Big Ten
tournament last year, and the Gophers
will look to exact revenge in Ann Arbor in
early April.
Minnesota has a legitimate chance of doing
some damage in the Big Ten this year
with its experience and developing pitching
staff.
“We’ve got a chance to do a lot of great
things and have just a fun, great year for
all of us, and have a good going-away year
for all of the seniors,” McKenzie said.
The pride of seniors having a good final
stanza will play an important role for
everyone else on the team to ensure they
have a proper send-off year. Their experience
will carry the team far this season,
but the question remains how far.
A Big Ten crown is not out of the question
for the Gophers, nor is a bid to the NCAA
tournament. If they continue to play as
well as they have against ranked opponents
once the Big Ten season kicks off,
watch out. The Gophers will be rounding
bases all year with strong bats in the
lineup. As long as the pitching holds up
throughout the season, Minnesota will
make some noise in the Big Ten.
www.wakemag.org\21

Most imbecilic time to march in “protest” of
the Iraq war:
Three years after it would have made any
difference whatsoever with roughly 80% of
the population in agreement
Honorable mention:
Anytime after 1969
Most imbecilic place to march in “protest”
of the Iraq war:
The student union of an overwhelmingly
liberal university
Honorable mention:
Anywhere that is not the state capitol
Best way to self-righteously waste your
time supporting a useless cause when you
have nothing better to do:
Ever see the movie Crumb, wherein that guy
admits to masturbating to Bugs Bunny
Most ridiculous “single greatest questions”
from the University’s latest ad campaign:
“Will animals evolve into humans”
“How ‘fluid’ is the incidence of poverty”
“How cool was Harry S. Truman”
“How does the Mississippi flow so far”
Most telling “single greatest question” from
the University’s latest ad campaign:
“Is education a privilege or a right”
You are now talking on #30_
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Life truly does begin at
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wakemag.org wakemag.
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nina_girl has joined channel #30_
something
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a/s/l
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waht
i left 20min ago
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fuck uyo

MSNBC story of
the week
“Thar she blows! Dead whale explodes: Taiwanese
street, shops showered after gases built up inside”
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4096586
“Once moved to a nearby nature preserve, the male
specimen -- the largest whale ever recorded in
Taiwan -- drew the attention of locals because
of its large penis, measured at some five feet, the
Taipei Times reported. ‘More than 100 Tainan city
residents, mostly men, have reportedly gone to see
the corpse to ‘experience’ the size of its penis,’ the
newspaper reported.”
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www.wakemag.org\23

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