Domestic Violence Counseling Manual - Hot Peach Pages

• Being self-righteous
To be an effective listener, we must be humble and overcome our own arrogant belief that WE,
the listener, are superior to whomever it is doing the talking. We must learn to accept thoughts,
ideas, and concepts from others in order to best help them help themselves.
• Personalizing
It is often tempting to stop listening and start talking about ourselves. For example, “Oh yeah,
that reminds me of the time…” or “You think that’s bad Listen to this!” The counselee is there
to talk about her problems not to listen to yours.
• Interrupting
Do not interrupt a counselee when she is speaking. It is essential that she feel comfortable saying
anything that comes to mind. If you are afraid you’ll forget something you want to say, write it
down to save until she’s finished.
STAGES OF A SESSION
The following are the five main stages of a session. This is not to say that each counselee’s case should
be resolved in one session. In fact, this is almost never advisable. You should take your time with each
counselee, progressing at a slow and steady pace through their situation, and making sure they feel as
much at ease as is possible. These stages are merely the skeleton of the progression of a counseling
relationship. Stages 1, 4, and 5, however, are essential to every counseling session. Suggestions of
phrases to use are in italics below the bulleted point when appropriate.
1. Establishing Rapport
• Extend a friendly, accepting greeting
I’m glad you came to talk to me.
• Recognize and respond to the counselee’s feelings
What I hear you saying is… I’m picking up that you… Could it be that… Do you feel a
little… Correct me if I’m wrong, but… Does it sound reasonable that… …is that what
you mean … is that how you feel This is what I think I hear you saying… Let me see if I
understand… That sounds frustrating. You seem torn, part of you wants to…and part of
you wants to… I’m not sure if I understand, do you mean that…
• Convey caring and concern through your words, tone of voice, facial expressions, and body
language
• Take your time easing into the problem to establish a solid base of trust and comfort
• Ask open-ended questions
How are you feeling about this now How were you feeling during the attack
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