Domestic Violence Counseling Manual - Hot Peach Pages

3. “Domestic violence only happens in working class families”
Although it is argued that poverty exacerbates domestic violence, in the sense that a woman’s options
of other financial and practical support are very limited or non-existent, and that financial problems
can place strain on a relationship, those involved in it and a family, it is not true that it is a problem
specific to poorer families. Domestic violence cuts across all boundaries: economic (class), social,
ethnic, cultural, religious and professional. Many women who have careers are abused and caught up
in the same cycle of abuse as women who work at home. Factors of dependency and opportunity may
differ but the psychological effect of abuse is the same.
4. “Abusers must come from violent backgrounds.”
Whilst there is a recognized pattern of abusers and abused continuing to abuse and be abused in their
adult lives, it is not always the case. Many abusers do not come from violent backgrounds, and many
families in which violence occurs do not produce violent men. The family is not the only formative
influence on behavior. Furthermore, this statement is dangerous because it can be used as an excuse
for the abuser’s behavior, both by the abuser and the abused. The abused may be more likely to
accept her abuser’s behavior because she can rationalize it in this way, which in turn may lead to selfblame.
This attitude also encourages the abuser to rationalize his behavior, prevents him from
accepting responsibility for it and from seeking help to change it. Ultimately, adults are responsible
for their own actions and have a choice in how they behave.
5. “All abusers are alcoholics or drug addicts, it’s the drug that causes the violence.”
Alcohol or drug abuse is often mistakenly perceived as a cause of violence. An abuser may say that
he lost control or didn’t know what he was doing because of his alcoholism or drug abuse, but he is,
nevertheless responsible for his actions. The drug may reduce the abuser’s inhibitions, but his actions
are his own, not the drug’s. While substance abuse is related to violent behavior, successful
treatment of that problem will not necessarily put an end to the violence. The abuser uses alcohol or
drugs as one more excuse or justification for his actions, one more way to avoid taking responsibility
for his own actions. This is a particularly potent myth reinforced by bogus studies such as the study
done by Joseph Iyo, Ph.D. (1998, October) for the Belize Organization for Women and Development.
Because he found a correlation between alcohol and domestic violence, he leapt to the incorrect
conclusion that it caused domestic violence.
6. “She must ask for it/ deserves it/ provokes it.”
This attitude unfairly shifts the responsibility of abuse from the abuser to the abused. Many women
who are abused over a prolonged period of time start to rationalize the abuse, this includes feeling she
is to blame for it. Furthermore, if her abuser constantly tells her that she provoked the abuse, if social
opinion accepts this excuse, and if he will not accept responsibility for his actions, then she is likely
to accept blame. Usually the battered wife will actually make extraordinary efforts to pacify their
husbands. The abuser uses their abuse as a way to release tension and assume control; it is not a
rational act.
The following is an exaggeration, but image if a robbery victim underwent the same sort of cross-
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