Joanna James /04 Deconstructing Homecoming /13 - The Wake

Joanna James /04
The Weekly Student Magazine of the University of Minnesota
Deconstructing
Homecoming /13
PLUS MN Candidate Guide / Nat’l Coming Out Week
volume 5 / issue 9 /1-7 November 2006

Editorial/
Editor-in-Chief
Jenny Odegard
Athletics Editor
Craig Rentmeester
Literary Editor
Jacob Duellman
Voices Editor
Cole Dennis
Senior Staff Writers
Elizabeth Autwes, Rachel Drewelow
Managing Editor
Eric Price
Campus Editor
Sarah Howard
Sound & Vision Editor
Kristen Mueller
Editorial Assistants
Alyssa Cogan, Dan Olmschenk, Lyndsey
Danberry
ProdUCTION/
Production Manager
Jeremy Sengly
Photography Editor
Ethan Stark
Copy Editors
Kelly Frush, Erin Lavigne, Rachel Levitt,
Tammy Quan, Morgon Mae Schultz
Art Director
Sam Soule
Web Editor
Luke Preiner
Graphic Designers
Dave Hagen, Eric Price, Becki Schwartz,
Jeremy Sengly, Krista Spinti
BUSINESS/
Business Manager
Angela Damiani
Advertising Executive
Now hiring!
Advertising Intern
Tyler Jones
Office Manager
Elizabeth Keely Shaller
Public Relations Director
Cassie Benson
Public Relations Interns
Marlys Huismann, Alison Traxler, Julie
Veternick
THIS ISSUE/
Cover Artist
Brennan Vance
Illustrators
Dave Hagen, Aaron Ridgeway, Jeremy Sengly,
Sam Soule, Ethan Stark
Photographers
Denise Rath, Chris Roberts
Contributing Writers
Elizabeth Aulwes, David Dipasquale,
Rachel Drewelow, Kelly Gulbrandson, Kat
Hargreaves, Sarah Howard, Mary Kettl,
Kristen Mueller, Nattie Olson, Ian Power,
Eric Price, Andrea Vargo, Alice Vislova
©2006 The Wake Student Magazine. All rights
reserved.
Established in 2002, The Wake is a weekly
independent magazine produced by
and for the students of the University of
Minnesota. The Wake is a registered student
organization.
The Wake Student Magazine
1313 5th St. SE
Minneapolis, MN 55414
(612) 379-5952 • www.wakemag.org
The Wake was founded by Chris Ruen and
James DeLong.

Candidate
Overview
page 10
This seems to be the time of year that brings out the
worst in everyone. The frigidity of winter has arrived,
students are failing midterms, the white-capped, less
sensible among us are getting arrested in Madison
(still! It’s Wisconsin, people!), politicians are taking
last-ditch pre-election jabs at one another, and now
Rush Limbaugh is … mocking Parkinson’s victims? Are
you kidding me?
I realize that Limbaugh’s a pretty easy target, but let’s
be fair—so are the disabled. And really, Michael J.
Fox? I’m willing to overlook Spin City. Even Limbaugh
shouldn’t be heartless enough to hate Marty McFly.
If that role didn’t earn Fox a place among this
generation’s greatest actors, maybe our pre-winter
scorn for the world is justified after all.
November 7th is fast approaching and with it come a slew of candidates
that—let’s be honest—you haven’t even heard of before. Be prepared
before you hit the polls with our guide to Minnesota’s potential future.
All that said, our obligatory Michael J. Fox drinking
game is on page 19.
ERIC PRICE
Managing Editor
SOUND & VISION/04
ATHLETICS/09
VOICES/10
CAMPUS/12
LITERARY/14
PHOTOGRAPHY/18
BASTARD/19

Sound & Vision/
courtesy of JoAnna James
By Ian Power
With more talent in her little finger than most porn stars
have in their entire phallus, the beautiful JoAnna James
combines strong guitar skills with a voice that could make
Donald Rumsfeld weep for forgiveness. The St. Paul native,
blues/folk singer has been striking the heartstrings
of audiences around the Twin Cities last month before
leaving for a New York gig. But before fleeing Minnesota,
The Wake had the utter joy of speaking with James for 10
minutes on an otherwise gloomy Monday night.
The Wake: OK, so I am going to say you get four musical
influences. I don’t know why, but lets go with four.
JoAnna James: Four, huh… OK: Jeff Buckley, Patsy Cline,
Mahalia Jackson and Lucinda Williams.
The Wake: Howlin’ Wolf or Elmore James?
JoAnna James: Elmore James
The Wake: R.L. Burnside acoustic or R.L. Burnside
electric?
JoAnna James: Acoustic. (Answered in rapid fire.)
The Wake: Good answer. So how long have you been in
music?
JoAnna James: Well I’ve been playing, I’ve been singing,
for 11 years.
The Wake: Has it always been the kind of bluesy folksy
stuff that you do now? Or were there other phases?
JoAnna James: It’s been mostly blues acoustic stuff, but
I’ve definitely gone through phases. I went through the
looping phase and stuff. Yeah I tried looping…
The Wake: Just didn’t like it?
JoAnna James: No, well… I would go and see someone like
Andrew Bird play, and just master the looping.
The Wake: Yeah (dreamy sigh). So do you mostly just tour
around the Twin Cities?
JoAnna James: No, I travel. I’ve been out on the road more
than I’ve been at home this year. Spent most of the time
out east, spent some time in the Midwest. Louisville, St
Louis, Cincinnati, Pittsburg…”
The Wake: As far as a backup band goes, how does that
work?
JoAnna James: I do all the touring stuff solo. When I’m in
town there is a cast of talented people that I can call and
have sit in for certain gigs.
The Wake: Anything else you want to say? Aspirations?
JoAnna James: I guess the only thing I can think of to say
is that we are really lucky to have a vibrant musical community,
it’s really supportive with a lot of really talented
people. It’s had a big impact on me as a person and a
musician.
joannajames.com
04/ 1-7 November 2006

\ Sound & Vision
Lost and Foundcourtesy
of fiftyfivehundred.org
By Kristen Mueller
In slouching checkered pants, two lengthy gold chains
(one ending in a giant ampersand), and a plain cotton tee,
Davy Rothbart looks like he may spout rhymes at any second.
Instead, he picks through a stack of crumpled paper
and recites a letter to Continental Airlines from passenger
29 E—the tortured soul whose seat is at arms’ length from
the plane’s bathroom door, and who continually finds his
fellow travelers encroaching on his spot as they wait for
the loo.
“Asses fit into my personal space like a pornographic jigsaw
puzzle,” 29 E rants. “The next ass that touches my
shoulder will be the last… I just heard a man groan in
there. This sucks.”
Earlier, Rothbart read from a boy’s small diary. Inside
were ramblings on school, teachers and a four-step plan
for destroying his brother, Matt.
Step one: Wait until he’s asleep. Step two: Make sure he’s
asleep. Step three: Put hand in water. Step four: Total
humiliation.
These are just two of the thousands of personal notes,
e-mails, pictures and signs left lingering in high school
hallways or forgotten in bowling alleys that people collect
and mail to Rothbart, who compiles the most compelling—and
hilarious—submissions into Found, a series of
ingeniously simplistic books and magazines.
Last month, Rothbart stood before a crowd packed onto
metal folding chairs and pressed against the walls of the
Creative Electric Studios’ small Northeast Minneapolis
gallery to read (and sometimes dramatically reenact) his
favorite finds, including a typed note titled “Budget List.”
After logging typical expenses, like rent and cable, the
note continues:
Food: $500. Liquor: $600. Laundry: $30. Crack: $600. Attorney:
$250.
Then there’s a handwritten letter found by a high school
janitor, which looks torn from a Five Star notebook. The
rumpled paper is a correspondence between two girls, distinguished
by different colored pen ink, which Rothbart
articulates with the emotion of two Hollywood actresses
duking it out for an Oscar.
“When I get bad grades, I start to
turn blue. That’s when I like to eat
something—like you.”
“Fuck you bitch. Give me my pen back.” “Yo mama a
bitch.” “Trash-whore-ho. You think you the shit but you
ain’t nothing lame ass.” “Don’t play with me, because
when you play with me, you play with fire.”
The note, probably slipped slyly across desks during class,
leaves one girl seemingly near tears, and the other consoling
her. “See you later!” it happily ends.
Found is a family business. Submissions of found items
are actually mailed to Rothbart’s mom’s house, and his
brother “Popcorn” Pete writes songs inspired by the finds,
including “The Booty Don’t Stop Girl,” based on a mixtape
that a kid named Nigel found while walking home
from his bus stop. The cassette’s title is “Booty Songs,”
and its content, the brothers explain, is “dick-donkulous.”
Pete’s rendition of the mix-tape’s opening track, which
begins: “Damn. The booty don’t stop girl,” and says little
else for the next few minutes, is crooned in a boy-band
worthy harmony, softly-and-slowly, with all the emotion
of a Nick Lachey/Jessica Simpson duet—before they split.
But the night’s real treat occurred when Rothbart grabbed
a stack of unopened envelopes, all Found submissions,
except for one student loan bill, and passed them out with
all the zeal of a proud U.S. postal service worker doling
out Christmas cards. “I want to give you a sense of what
I experience every single week,” Rothbart explained, before
the crowd dug into mail sent from as far as Billings,
Montana, and as close as Minneapolis.
Gleefully tearing into my prize, I find a 3-by-5 inch photo
of five white goats on a farm, discovered in the self-help
section of a thrift store, inside a book titled “Building a
Marriage.” “Did the goats live happily ever after?” the
finder questions.
Someone else unwrapped a poem scrawled on the back of
a student loan service center envelope (though not Rothbart’s).
“When I get bad grades, I start to turn blue. That’s
when I like to eat something—like you… Filipino pastries,
filled with some sweet cheese… You’re curious. You make
me dream.”
Curious, indeed.
Found can be purchased at area bookstores or online at foundmagazine.
com.
www.wakemag.org\05

Sound & Vision/
ethan stark
YouTube Unfiltered
By Alice Vislova
To emo 13-year-old girls with pouty lips and trashy boys
with baseball caps and peach fuzz, Oct. 9 brought shocking
news: a video released on YouTube was so outrageous
that it sparked (to date) 1,983,912 views, 7,211 comments,
81 video responses and a collective gasp so heavy that it
may have temporarily shifted the orbit of the earth. The
reason? Former owners of the Internet sensation, Chad
Hurley and Steve Chen, cheerfully announced to their
viewers that they had sold YouTube to Google for $1.65
billion.
YouTube, a website that allows users to freely share
video clips using Adobe Flash technology, has for some
time now provided college students with a much-needed
distraction, and for tortured souls, an endless portal to
broadcast their insecurities. News of the purchase should
not have come as a surprise, especially in the wake of
MySpace’s recent sale to News Corporation for a measly
$580 million. However, it is now difficult to predict the future
of YouTube. Be it the end of the site as we know it, or
a bright new beginning, the present crossroads presents
an unparalleled opportunity to commemorate YouTube
in all of its glory—and lack thereof. This is the time to
consider the broad categories of content, and to remember
countless minutes spent watching a guy get kicked in the
balls repeatedly, instead of studying, doing homework, or
perhaps even writing an article for The Wake.
This brings me to the most useful, but perhaps most dull
category of content on YouTube—episode clips and music
videos. Miss the latest Lost or Grey’s Anatomy? Have no
fear, YouTube is here! Can’t get enough of Christina Aguilera’s
newest rump-shaking music video? YouTube’s got
your back. To make a long story short – YouTube will rock
your cable-free world.
The site also has stockpiles of “humorous” clips, and
some of them are actually funny. Whether it’s a scene
from World of Warcraft set to music, or a clip of Stephen
Colbert debating the existence of God, you’re sure to find
something to rev your engine. One commonly featured humorist
is the unapologetic comedian Sacha Baron Cohen,
better known as Ali G, Borat or Bruno. If you have never
had the opportunity to hear Borat explain how his sister
is the “number two or three best prostitute in the country
of Kazakhstan,” I would encourage you to change that
unfortunate state of events as soon as possible. Another
YouTube favorite of mine is a cartoon entitled “George
Washington.” It claims the first president was “twelvestories
tall” and “made of radiation.” Historically accurate?
No. Thoroughly enjoyable? Yes.
Whether it’s a scene from World of
Warcraft set to music, or a clip of
Stephen Colbert debating the existence
of God, you’re sure to find
something to rev your engine.
To some, the heart and soul of YouTube is video-blogging,
or “vlogging,” a delicious mix of bad accents, kiddy porn
and horrible acne that seems to be not just a hobby but a
way of life. Inside this not-so-secret little world, reputations
are staked, hopes dashed, loyalties built and torn
apart. One famous scandal, I quickly discovered, was that
of “lonelygirl15.” Apparently, lonelygirl15 was a muchloved
vlogger until announcing that she was actually a
working 19-year-old actress, not the 16-year-old amateur
she was pretending to be. Lonelygirl15’s betrayal made
an even bigger splash in the cyber-ocean than Chad and
Steve’s sale announcement did—and believe me, that is
quite an achievement. Before diving into this sub-set of
Internet users, be warned: browsing the vlogs on YouTube
is like delving into the rabbit hole: the deeper you go, the
more there is to discover about this slightly worrisome but
very intriguing dimension.
Several more YouTube categories worth mentioning include
banned Ikea commercials, unconvincing video evidence
of government cover-ups, and home video bloopers
set to catchy music.
So what is to be the fate of all this valuable footage? For
now, all we can do is pray that Google will continue to
provide us with the same quality entertainment that we
have grown to depend upon. With that said, I’ll leave you
to watch a video of some guy running around and yelling
with a bag over his head.
06/1-7 November 2006

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Ad space, both here and in the magazine.
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Sound & Vision/
Review
Shortbus
By Mary Kettl
courtesy of shortbusthemovie.com
Sex—rather startling, graphic, athletic sex—is one of the
framing activities of Shortbus, but isn’t really what the
movie is about. You don’t have to pay very close attention
to realize that John Cameron Mitchell’s slightly surrealistic
film is actually about the same old themes that pop
up in literature everywhere: love, acceptance, and finding
yourself.
Which is not to say that Shortbus doesn’t go after these
themes in a funny and surprisingly tender way. The plot
intertwines the lives of three couples: Jamie and James
(played by PJ DeBoy and Paul Dawson), gay men who
are handsome and sweet, even though James is deeply
depressed; Sophia and Rob (Sook-Yin Lee and Raphael
Barker), a married couple dealing with the irony that,
although she is a couples’ therapist, Sophia has never
had an orgasm; and Severin (Lindsay Beamish), a punky
dominatrix, and her idiot teenage “john.” With characters
like that populating and copulating across the screen,
you’re tempted either to walk out or stick around and see
what happens.
Stick around. The characters soon connect at a place
called Shortbus, a fictional salon/sex club in New York.
It’s hard to figure out exactly what this place is—it holds
rooms for drinking cocktails and rooms filled with people
on mattresses having Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Sex.
There are quiet nooks where characters visit and have
heart to heart conversations, and sometimes there’s a
band playing mellow music. There are strange men in
strange costumes and a room full of friendly lesbians
willing to chat with Sophia about their orgasms. Shortbus
the place is interesting and awkward and funny and uncomfortable,
all at the same time.
There are genuinely uncomfortable
moments—watching attempted
orgasms and an attempted suicide
seems invasive, and you want to
look away
And so is the movie. Mitchell did an open casting call
and invited the actors to help develop scenes and scripts,
which gives the movie a slightly unpolished quality, which
actually adds to the realism of the characters, even while
the plot takes absurdly unrealistic turns. The sex is real,
and there is a lot of it, but it’s not terribly erotic, which
makes you remember that real sex is often awkward and
unrehearsed. There are genuinely uncomfortable moments—watching
attempted orgasms and an attempted
suicide seems invasive, and you want to look away—but
then the bus turns a corner, and through more magic realism
in plot, everyone ends up safe and accepted.
Shortbus the salon, in a lovely bit of candlelit footage, becomes
an intimate concert space, where the gay host sings
a soaring cabaret number, accompanied by the friendly
lesbians, who now play classical violin. The song rises into
an anthem, and everyone feels better.
It’s hard to know who to go see Shortbus with, and not
just because it could be embarrassing to watch all that sex
with someone. But it’s the humor and sadness and tenderness
that grab you and make you think. Shortbus brings
up genuine feelings that you might have to talk about—
and that could be really embarrassing.
08/1-7 November 2006

\Athletics
Kickin’ Ass and Takin’ Names
The Wake talks about
Gopher wrestling
By Ian Power
Break out the spandex and get ready for
a team of sweaty men. As autumn picks
up, and we reach the midpoint of fall semester,
wrestling season is quickly approaching.
Nov. 11 marks the first Gopher
wrestling meet — The Bison Open. This
event may not seem too important to all
you fair weather fans out there, but we, at
The Wake, recognize that the University of
Minnesota wrestling team is “kind of a big
deal.” According to preseason polls, the
team is ranked No. 1 in the nation right
now, after finishing second at the NCAA
championships last year. Gopher wrestler
Cole Konrad is the NCAA heavyweight
champion, Mack Reiter finished fourth and
Dustin Schlatter became the first freshman
wrestler in school history to win a
NCAA individual title. The Wake had the
chance to speak with Reiter about the upcoming
season.
The Wake: So you guys have recently been
ranked as the number one NCAA wrestling
team in the nation. How has that affected
what is going on for everyone?
Reiter: It’s a different attitude that we
have to take into the season, my freshman
and sophomore year, we weren’t even
ranked fifth in the country. Everyone is
taking it differently. The coaches and ev-
erybody are taking things a little bit more
seriously.
The Wake: You took fourth at the NCAA
championships last year. Has that affected
you personally at all?
Reiter: Yeah, it did because, as a freshman
I finished fourth, so I took it as that I
didn’t improve any. It’s almost like a slap
in the face to me because I didn’t do what I
needed to do, so I’m taking that next step
this year to getting on top of the podium.
The Wake: What about your rivals, Oklahoma
State? Have you got anything to say
about that?
According to preseason
polls, the team is ranked
No. 1 in the nation right
now, after finishing second
at the NCAA championships
last year.
Reiter: It’s exciting to wrestle them. We
met a couple of times last year in the national
championships, and I wouldn’t be
surprised if we met a few times this year. I
like those sorts of duels; they are great for
us to have. I think it’s going to be a similar
situation with Iowa this year. It’s great for
us, and I think it’s great for them too.
The Wake: Your season starts on Nov. 11
with The Bison Open. How have you been
preparing for that?
Reiter: We spend a lot of time with independent
coaches; one coach will work with
two or three guys just trying to start out
right to start winning early. But we’re not
trying to peak at The Bison Open. We want
to use it as a warm up. A lot of guys’ bodies
aren’t going to be where they want them to
be. It’s a step in a long process.
photos courtesy of umn wrestling team
The wrestling team opens their season
Nov. 11 but won’t have their first home
meet until Dec. 6 when they take on Oklahoma
State, currently ranked number
two in the nation, at the Sports Pavilion.
Tickets for Gopher Wrestling are available
through www.gophersports.com.
www.wakemag.org\09

Feature/
Study up on the candidates
before voting Nov. 7!
by Elizabeth Aulwes
Republican Independence Democratic-Farmer-Labor
Candidate: Mark Kennedy
Priorities: Winning the War on Terror, reducing
traffic congestion and ensuring the federal government
plays a limited role in education.
Experience: U.S. House of Representatives, 2000-
2002 (Second District) and2002-present (redrawn
Sixth District)
Hometown: Benson, Minn
Family: wife Debbie and four children
Brought: The “because they’re true” commercial
in which an elderly woman approaches Kennedy innocently
reading the newspaper on a park bench and
chastises him for “picking on Amy Klobuchar.” She
asks him why he “said all those things” and he responds
“because they’re true.” It might be the cheesiest
political ad ever aired.
Quote: The former Boy Scout’s website says: “Because
we live in America, Mark married the girl of his
dreams (a farmer’s daughter he met in 4-H)” and they
lived happily ever after...
Candidate: Robert Fitzgerald
Top: Reducing the national debt, balancing the federal
budget, energy independence
Experience: none, pretty much. Just Kidding,
people. He’s the former Executive Director of Access
Television, obviously.
Hometown: Rothsay, Minn.
Family: wife Carolyn
Interestingly: Fitzgerald stars in several nonpornographic
videos on YouTube
Quote: On the Iraq war he says “it’s time to get out of
Iraq now. Congress has abdicated its responsibility of
oversight while cost overruns and emergency funding
have masked the true cost.”
Candidate: Amy Klobuchar
Priorities: Reforming healthcare, supporting
education and holding Washington accountable for its
actions.
Experience: Hennepin County Attorney, 1998-
present
Hometown: Plymouth, Minn.
Family: husband John, daughter Abigail
Claim to Fame: The valedictorian of her high school
class, she’s the daughter of former Star Tribune
sportswriter and columnist Jim Klobuchar.
Quote : Following the blogger-“finds”-Kennedy-adand-sends-it-to-the-Klobuchar-camp
debacle, Klobuchar
said “what happened here was wrong. ... Some
people may believe that this happens on campaigns all
the time, but it is not acceptable on our campaign.”
10/1-7 November 2006
US Senate

Candidate: Alan Fine
Top Priorities: Support economic growth, promote
family values and reform healthcare
Experience: Senior lecturer in Carlson
Hometown: Minneapolis
Family: son Louis
Wrote: “Empower Your Self: A Framework for
Personal Success”
Pets: Attention-whoring Shetland sheepdog puppy
named Blaze
Quote: “This district is a bastion of diversity,”
Fine told the Southwest Journal. And he says “have
a Fine day!”
Candidate: Tammy Lee
Priorities: Balancing the federal budget, public
education, healthcare access
Experience: Hubert H. “Skip” Humphrey’s
communications director, corporate affairs, Vice
President of The Mark Travel Corp.
Hometown: Alexandria, Minn.
Family: daughter Lissa
Aired: Commercials in which she shreds paper. It’s
really exciting stuff.
Quote: In a debate earlier this year, Lee said
“we’re going to see a lot more bad stuff and mudslinging
come out during this campaign. I respect
the fact that Keith said he’s running his own campaign
and it’s going to be about the issues. I think
Alan and the Republican Party are running his campaign.
They’re going to have a very different style
and approach and I’m running my own campaign. I
will contrast my positions with the other candidates
in this race.”
Candidate: Keith Ellison
Priorities: Instituting a system of universal
healthcare, immediate withdrawal from Iraq, the
elimination of poverty (all very modest goals.)
Experience: Minnesota House of Representatives,
2002-present
Hometown: Detroit, Michigan. Ellison moved to
Minnesota in 1987.
Family: wife Kim and four children Amirah, Jeremiah,
Elijah and Isaiah
Would be: Minnesota’s first black Congressperson
and the United States’ first Muslim Congressperson
Quote: “At sunset today (September 22) those of
the Jewish faith around the world will commence
the observance of Rosh Hashanah, a sacred holiday
which marks the beginning of a New Year, 5767, by
solemnly taking stock of the year past, acknowledging
their mistakes and planning changes to make the
new year a better, more fulfilling and joyous one. I
can think of no more appropriate frame of mind for
any of us to embrace in this final month of the secular
political year.”
Candidate: Tim Pawlenty
Priorities: Economic growth, education and public
safety
Experience: Minnesota Governor, 2002-present
Hometown: South Saint Paul, Minn.
Family: wife Mary and two daughters Anna and
Mara
Favorite Sport: Hockey
Quote: Earlier this year Pawlenty declared, “the era
of small government over” in an interview with the
Star Tribune. “Government has to be more proactive,
more aggressive,” he went on. Pawlenty later claimed
he was quoting New York Times columnist David
Brooks and said that he meant he actually just wants
to make government more effective. Right.
Candidate: Peter Hutchinson
Priorities: Affordable healthcare, easier access
to higher education, reliable transportation options
and addressing the environment and energy concerns
through a reduction in foreign dependence on oil
Experience: former Minneapolis Public Schools
superintendent
Hometown: Faribault, Minn.
Family: wife Karla and two daughters Emily and Julia
Avoids: “The 5 G’s.” Meaning, he doesn’t use guns,
gays, gynecology, gaming and gladiators, by which he
means sports stadiums, in politics because he considers
them “wedge issues.”
Quote: On the way his approach to public safety differs
from Pawlenty’s: “I think calling people names
and taking them out in public is not the way you get
this stuff done.” Hutchinson promotes collaborations
between state and local governments as the best way
to fight crime. Also says, “I’d be two or three orders of
magnitude less divisive” than Pawlenty or Hatch.
Candidate: Mike Hatch
Priorities: Providing the middle class better access
to healthcare and education
Experience: Minnesota Attorney General, 1998-
present, Minnesota DFL party chair,1980-1983
Hometown: Duluth, Minn.
Family: wife Patti and three daughters Katharine,
Elizabeth and Anne
Pets: Bella and Laddy, both golden retrievers, Buffy,
a cocker spaniel, and Nico, a formerly homeless cat.
Quote: From a speech at a Hindu Temple last spring:
“Minnesota is becoming an increasingly diverse state
and with change comes choices. We can embrace diversity
and the added richness that diversity brings to
our communities, or we can use resentment and fear to
react in a destructive manner.” The choice is yours...
photo credits: Amy Klobuchar courtesy of AmyKlobuchar.com/ Keith ellison Courtesy of keithellison.org/ Mark Kennedy courtesy of markkennedy06.com/ mike hatch courtesy of
hatch2003.org/ peter hutchinson courtesy of teammn.com/ robert fitzgerald courtesy of flickr.com/ tammy lee courtesy of flickr.com/ tim pawlenty courtesy of arikah.net
House of Representatives
Governer
www.wakemag.org\11

Campus/
“QueerSpawn”
Marches On
Keynote speaker
Abigail Garner teaches
people about families
like her’s during
National Coming Out
Week
BY rachel drewelow
“These hot button debates about what
types of families will be recognized rage
on, with little regard to the reality that
kids are already in these families,” explains
Garner. Today’s fiery political questions
of gay and lesbian marriage and
GLBT parenting force the children who
are already in these families under a public
microscope, argues Garner.
The parents, fighting their own battles,
who focus on teaching their children how
to deal with discrimination they may face
often do not realize the extra pressures
their children cope with, she says.
Nineteen years ago, half a million people
marched in Washington, D.C. to fight for
gay and lesbian rights. Celebrating that
day and continuing the fight for rights and
awareness, the University’s Queer Student
Cultural Center (QSCC) holds National
Coming Out Week events each October.
This fall, the QSCC’s keynote speaker
asked supporters not to forget the children
of gay and lesbian couples – because they
too are marching through the homophobic
world.
“QueerSpawn,” is what keynote speaker
Abigail Garner calls herself. The daughter
of a gay father and a straight mother,
Garner is a professional advocate for not
only the Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender
(GLBT) community, but also for their
children. There is no exact figure for the
number of children who have grown up in
GLBT families over the past two decades,
but estimates vary from one million to 16
million.
“We’re constantly trying to bring in diverse
people, to represent a diverse community,”
says QSCC Co-Chair Vincent
Staupe, a senior journalism and mass communication
major, of bringing in Garner.
She spoke about issues that the rest of
the week’s events did not address, Staupe
explains.
Garner explains that when she was a
child, “I knew that I had power, power
to change people’s minds… their perceptions
about gay people in general.” She
says that by displaying herself as a perfect
and healthy child she could become a
“testament to gay parenting.” On the other
hand, when children like her make normal
mistakes, “the default blame for anything
short of perfectionism becomes the sexuality
of their parents,” Garner explains.
“I knew that I had power,
power to change people’s
minds… their perceptions
about gay people in general.”
“For a lot of kids that realization puts tremendous
pressure on them,” Garner explains,
“If children are going to be visible,
they have to be perfect. That’s what they
internalize.” Garner interviewed many
adult children and young children of homosexual
parents for her book Families
Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell
it Like it Is. “Children know that we’re
in this powerful position, because we are
symbols of something much bigger,” she
says.
says. No studies have shown that GLBT
parents are any more likely to produce
GLBT children than straight parents, she
points out.
Aside from facing discrimination and
pressure to display public perfectionism,
children in these families also live with
a lack of laws protecting them, Garner
argues. Because their parents are not always
legally recognized as parents, or this
status changes across state lines, children
face risks in situations where a “legal parent”
needs to be present, Garner says.
Both the GLBTA (A is for Ally) and the
anti-gay marriage/adoption crowd contribute
to the negative forces these children
face, explains Garner. While the far
right condemns the parents and makes
claims that the children are unhealthy, the
left fights back boasting the flawlessness
of their children. Both are unwise moves,
Garner warns. “What it’s really like for
kids to grow up with GLBT parents is
much more complex than what either side
of the rhetoric claims.”
“I hope that with more honest conversations,
the children in these families will
someday have the rights that children in
other families have, including the luxury
to be as dysfunctional and complex as any
other family, without worrying about the
backlash of prejudice,” Garner says.
The QSCC hosted a variety of events in the
week to encourage such honest conversations
about GLBT issues, Staupe says.
Luncheons, outings, a rally complete with
a literal “Coming Out Door,” and an annual
drag show were very successful, says
Staupe.
Despite rainy weather, over 200 students
showed up to the rally, where they picked
up t-shirts donning the words “gay,” “bisexual,”
“lesbian,” “transsexual,” “ally,”
or “me.” “The main point of the week for
us is to raise awareness of GLBT issues,”
Staupe explains.
“We just want to let people know that
we’re here. We’re [QSCC] at 205 Coffman
Memorial Union, and we’re here for the
students.”
More about Abigail Garner’s advocacy and research
can be found at www.familieslikemine.com.
Children with one or two GLBT parents
face unique and demanding pressures,
Garner explains. This is not because
GLBT parents are any less fit than straight
parents to raise children, but because of
the current heated political dispute as to
whether their families are “valid,” she says.
Naturally, these children feel pressure to
legitimize their families and thus to refute
the two widespread myths about children
of gay and lesbian parents - that they too
will be homosexual or that they will be
damaged in some way, Garner says.
If a child of GLBT parents does something
like skip class or tries drugs it is blamed
on their unfit parents, Garner contends.
But, when their classmates (kids with
straight parents) do the same things, those
things are brushed off as common mistakes
teenagers make.
Ironically, if children of GLBT families
grow up to identify as GLBT themselves,
they are often reluctant to come
out to even their parents because they do
not want to confirm the myth that GLBT
couples reproduce GLBT children, Garner
Correction
In an article printed Wednesday, October 25th, it was written that it required a 3.2
grade point average to be considered as an orientation leader. The correct GPA
is 2.3 in order to apply.
12/ 1-7 November 2006

\Campus
We Have a
Parade?
The Wake finds
answers to the difficult
questions you have
about Homecoming
BY kelly gulbrandson
I remember my first experience with
Homecoming. Excited to be at such a massive
university, I was ready to participate.
But the events were geared toward
the Greek system, making it difficult and
awkward to fully enjoy Homecoming as a
newcomer and a commuter student. Without
a sorority or residence hall to lead the
way towards activities, I was without direction.
I don’t remember a lot about that
fall, but I do remember the Homecoming
parade that went down University Ave.
It was chilly and was raining on and off
throughout the morning, and I found a
spot in the heart of frat row. A few houses
were elaborately decorated with facades in
front of the house held up by scaffolding
to go along with the year’s theme. As the
floats went by, people gave handouts to the
noisier members of the crowd. As I was
standing in front of the houses, I remember
thinking about how long the people
had been drunk and if they even slept at
all the night before because it was early in
the morning and I was sure the people celebrating
were wasted. I ended up having a
good time at the parade and at the football
game afterwards even though I was not as
drunk as the other people and the weather
sucked.
Homecoming at the University of Minnesota
has been celebrated since 1914, and
the goal is to promote school spirit and the
energy of maroon and gold. It is a week
full of events that are coordinated by the
Homecoming Committee which consists
of 11 students and two faculty members.
Even though the main groups that participate
in the events are residence halls and
members of the Greek system (most events
are team events), there are things that any
student can participate in or watch. The
most popular events are the Homecoming
parade on Saturday along University
Avenue and the football game afterwards.
This year, the Gophers will take on Indiana
at 11 a.m.
Alissa Pepelnjak, the Campus Wide Activities
Co-Coordinator, says that she wants
to include commuter students in Homecoming.
In putting up flyers and attending
events for transfer and commuter students,
she hopes to encourage their participation.
Pepelnjak believes that Homecoming is
important for the U. “It’s a great time to
get everyone involved to celebrate the tradition
of the U and spirit of the maroon
and gold. It’s also a lot of fun,” Pepelnjak
says.
Fraternities and sororities
pair together each
year to go to the events.
“Our theme for our pairing
is Blazing Saddles,”
Bundul says and adds that
his fraternity’s shirts and
floats are “sweet.”
Sororities and fraternities are involved in
many things during Homecoming week
and it’s no exception this year for “The
Wild, Wild Midwest,” theme. This year’s
activities include the lip sync competition,
barbecues, flag football, water polo, the
parade and more.
One of the sororities on campus that gets
involved in homecoming is Alpha Chi
Omega. They are involved in all of the activities
this year. Annette Reichkitzer, philanthropy
chair for Alpha Chi Omega, says
that her sorority either is involved in or
watches the events to earn laching points,
which are earned by sororities and fraternities.
The amount of laching points depends
on how well you do in an event and
how much spirit you show for your group.
The group with the most points by the end
of the week is the winner, Reichkitzer says
Delta Upsilon, a fraternity, is participating
in lip sync, float/house front making,
flag football, cheering and the new event,
water polo.
“We’re pretty pumped. Homecoming’s always
sweet, especially for the Greeks, definitely
the Greeks, it’s pretty much made
for us,” says Ben Bundul, vice president of
recruitment.
Fraternities and sororities pair together
each year to go to the events. “Our theme
for our pairing is Blazing Saddles,” Bundul
says and adds that his fraternity’s
shirts and floats are “sweet.”
Dave Hagen
Sororities and fraternities also work together
on projects that are not related to
Homecoming. Alpha Chi Omega, Delta
Upsilon and Phi Sigma Kappa are working
together on a philanthropy project that is
being hosted by Alpha Chi Omega, Reichkitzer
says.
This past year one sorority from the Panhellenic
council, the governing body for
sororities on campus, and one fraternity
from the Inter-Fraternity council, the
governing body for fraternities on campus,
had a member volunteer each weekend
feeding starving children. Working
together makes volunteering more fun,
Reichkitzer says.
As long as there is a Homecoming at the U,
sororities and fraternities will be involved
in the activities, but that doesn’t mean you
can’t get involved too.
For a full schedule of events and information on how
to participate, check out the Homecoming website:
www.homecoming.umn.edu.
www.wakemag.org\13

Literary/
A Conversation
About Laying Low
in Tropical Hideouts
By Kat Hargreaves
“aside from his defective vision, he also had constipation”
-musings on Love in the Time of Cholera
Literary Events
Who: Ben Marcus; Heidi Julavits
What: The authors/editors discuss recent works.
When: Wednsday, Nov. 1st, 7:30 pm.
Where: Sundin Music Hall. 1531 Hewitt Ave (Hamline
University), FREE
Who: Evelyn Klein
What he ends up doing,
trying to communicate;
are so
what he’s
language, we
What: The author reads from her poetry.
When: Thursday, Nov. 2nd, 7 pm.
Where: The Loft Literary Center, FREE
numb to everything except for
last night
trains un
thawed and pushed into metal ground un
til a girl woke up heart in throat, bombs exploding;
we don’t really notice it: dreams a convention.
Who: Bharati Mukherjee
What: The author discusses American identity from a
transnational American writer’s perspective.
When: Friday, Nov. 3rd, 7:30 pm.
Where: McNamara Alumni Center (University of Minnesota),
FREE
Grow and damage; she got over it, soon a milky sky sweating
unconsciously a rain, white, drives those rules we
made in class:
subject verb agreement.
translucent and
Who: Laurel Poetry Collective
What: Poets read their work.
When: Saturday, Nov. 4th, 2pm.
Where: St. Paul Central Library, FREE
Off the top of her head she thinks ‘comma, possessive’; a
man’s skin avoids the typical conventions
of stereotypes. The prose will
comment on itself. The kinds of
things we say, honestly, means
writers have failed.
He once said everything we do
for granted, we
may not be moved, illogical but
we ignore that because
that
same day a black man spit on the
sidewalk outside, he is able
to
make language
refresh itself: the same old
Who: Hanes Walton
What: Lecture on the crossover voting in African American
senate elections.
When: Monday, Nov. 6th, 4 pm.
Where: Notle Hall (University of Minnesota), FREE
Who: Anders Nilsen
What: The comic book artist/writer discusses his work.
When: Monday, Nov. 6th, 6:30 pm.
Where: MCAD Auditorium, 2501 Stevens Ave S, Mpls.
FREE
Who: Patricia Hampl
What: The author discusses her writing.
When: Tuesday, Nov. 7th, 2 pm.
Where: University of Minnesota Bookstore, FREE
kind of
disaster tale but
harder to follow;
breaking my heart to find
what
the premise was.
The Voices in my Head
Demand Satisfaction!
jduellman@wakemag.org
14/1-7 November 2006

\Literary
An Impression
By David DiPasquale
Turned on
By the charge of each and every electric packet,
winging their way from me to you and back again with
blizzards and monsters and imagination and sailing and Freud.
By the sight of your shy smile leaning over my Coffee countertop
and the pair of trembling hands that made your tea and the pair of eyes
that sparkled and waited, that watched the clock, until closing time came.
By the long walk that zig-zagged in circles around that square mall for hours and collapsed -
nestling gently head to head and flowing, dripping conversation back and forth and drifting lazily
until we took the long way back to a pair of cars in an empty mall parking garage and a 3 a.m. waltz.
By the incredible sensation of warm hands and strong arms and soft lips wrapped one around the other, and
we are beautiful statues, melting together in this cold air; and the flames above our heads continue to slowly burn
as we are filled with the wholly unexpected blessing of these two lives, fixed together by the breaking dawn.
aaron ridgeway
www.wakemag.org\15

Voices/
Hookers Across America,
Hear My Cry
Rationality in a time of
complacency.
BY Nattie olson
ed to them. Is it such a sin to just ask why every once in
a while? The government, since it’s dressed up in shiny
badges and looks really convincing in a lab coat, is pretty
successful in getting people to ascribe to its laws. A lot of
people love slapping that “GO ARMY” bumper sticker on
their cars, or pretentiously bragging about how they’ve
never done drugs. I’ve had one too many run-ins with police
who obviously treat the black guy worse and I’ve read
a bit too much about U.S. involvement in the Third World,
so I don’t care what that badge says or who gave it to
them. I’ll determine my own morality; thanks for the offer
to do it for me, but in this case the government’s wrong
again. My opinion on trading sex for money might be considered
soulless, but if it’s consensual, if everybody’s 18 or
older and nobody’s getting hurt, then my opinion doesn’t
determine anybody’s morality but my own.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll never pay for sex; I have a hard
time urinating next to a stranger. Even with the buffer
urinal and several square feet of visual barrier, I’d probably
vote Republican before letting someone I don’t know
see me naked. With my OCD and crippling fear of germs,
I hate myself enough as it is and I can’t imagine trying to
fall asleep after paying somebody to pretend to find me
attractive for a few minutes.
But prostitution doesn’t deserve to be illegal. The government’s
vice squads, which march around locking up consenting
adults engaging in acts of free will, don’t deserve
to have that power. Just because my overactive conscience
curbs my personal behavior to a puritanical level doesn’t
mean I have any say over what you do with your personal
time. Because whatever two, three, hell, 10 people do behind
closed doors, as long as all involved parties consent,
as long as everybody is 18 or older, then it doesn’t really
matter what happens. Because what they do with their
bodies is their business. So what if money changes hands?
Is that process really much different from the hoards of
fake-ID carrying frat children who flock to Sally’s and
buy drinks for one another? It is unreasonable that, in a
country which is democratic, something can be perfectly
legal in one part of the country, yet criminally punishable
everywhere else? I don’t think Nev. is different from
anywhere else.
I’ll never understand these people who are so quick to
align themselves with their leaders and the laws present-
To me, a real crime is something that causes pain and creates
a victim, so consensual acts of free will, like prostitution,
should not be treated the same as murder and robbery.
Some might say that prostitution is criminal because
Jesus and the Bible say so.
Please.
My opinion on trading sex for money
might be considered soulless, but
if it’s consensual, if everybody’s 18
or older and nobody’s getting hurt,
then my opinion doesn’t determine
anybody’s morality but my own.
For one, Jesus is boring and you also can’t bring that
leather-bound collection of fairy tales into political discussion
as it turns out we don’t allow that here. Or maybe
we just say we don’t. You can’t buy beer on Sun. in Minn.
and two men can’t get married anywhere, but oh yeah, we
have a separation of church and state. It’s just a coincidence
that many of our laws are right in check with the
Christian God, the most popular imaginary friend the
American people have.
Setting aside the One True Messiah for a moment, let’s
use some simple logic here. Say two people make a porno
movie. They’re paid to have sex on camera. Is that really
much different from prostitution? Well they’re both paid
in that situation, right. OK, so say some guy pays a woman
for sex, only he films it, calls himself the director, producer
and writer of the film and doesn’t take any money.
Prostitution or porno?
Let’s talk porn for a minute. The reason I don’t watch
porn isn’t because it embarrasses or depresses me, I don’t
watch porn because it’s the last place in America where
sam soule
racism is so easily accepted. You thought Hollywood was
bad? On the lone occasion when I was conned into watching
Howard Stern, a guest from the industry discussed
how white female porn stars’ values (yes, they use the
word “value”) actually depreciate after they have sex with
a black actor on film. But yet again, what my conscience
forces me to do or not do has no bearing on what other
people do with their personal time and the government
doesn’t deserve such credence either.
Remember the ’70s when we legalized abortion? Justice
Blackmun talked about how abortions were going to happen
anyway, at least if they were legal the women who decided
to have them would be safe and wouldn’t be forced
to worry about what that coat hanger might do to them.
So maybe legalizing something that our nation should
respect as personal choice would ensure that prostitutes
would have access to available methods of birth control
and health care, and they wouldn’t have to worry about
being beaten up by pimps and aggressive clients. If the
settings were controlled and the transactions were regulated
then maybe fewer people would be getting hurt. We
could use that government presence and power to keep
prostitutes safer and healthier, to encourage condom usage
and require testing for STDs, rather than enforce government-sanctioned
morality.
I’m unsure if there exists an antithesis of xenophobia, but
if there is one, I probably have it. Our currency, monuments,
anthems and songs are all the same lie about how
we’re free, free, free. That’s just something that looks nice
because in truth The Man changes our personal decisions
by deeming things illegal. It’s your body, do with it what
you want. As long as you’re not imposing harm on my
family or me and if everything’s consensual, then it’s not
my issue, or anybody else’s, to condemn.
16/ 1-7 November 2006

\ Voices
Photo Poll
by Denise Rath
What are your
homecoming plans?
What is
Homecoming?
What do people
even do for
Homecoming?
I’m sure I’ll be
studying the whole
time anyways.
LINSE LAHTI
Senior
We plan on
wandering around
and catching fun
as it hits us in the
face!
KIRBY MONTGOMERY
Freshman
Child psych / youth studies
MELLISSA LEMKE
Freshman
I’m going to wear a
crown and sash to
the game that say
“Birthday Princess”
because my
birthday is the same
day as the game.
JANINE ABOUAISH
Sophomore
Biomedical Engineering
I am looking
forward to getting
up bright and early
at 6 AM to go to
marching band
practice.
RYAN DRISCOLL
Sophomore
B.I.S.
Violence in Schools
No consistent trends, no
end in sight and no answers
BY sarah howard
Five innocent girls dead. A small Amish town
shaken and hurt. On Oct. 2, Carl Charles Roberts
IV held 10 girls hostage at their schoolhouse and
ended up wounding some and taking lives, as well
as his own, for what seems to be no reason at all.
As with all the other school shootings, this leaves
communities all around the United States uneasy
about school violence. It seems we only worry about
it once it’s too late and the body count has been
tallied.
When it comes to murder, there are many categories:
homicide, gang-related activities, hate crimes
and school shootings among others. I consider
school shootings and massacres to be different
from any other types of murder. They have unique
chilling components. They seem more malicious,
more hate-filled and more out for some kind of revenge.
They also seem to have no end in sight. As
long as there are kids with pent up anger who hate
school and themselves, school violence will be a
never ending trend.
Most of these murders come from nice normal families.
There are some alcoholic parents and foster
homes thrown in the bunch, but more often than
not these students have two fairly stable parents,
every opportunity in the world and don’t have a
They just want to kill as many
people as possible for what
seems like no good reason at
all.
disadvantaged youth. They are missing one thing
though: self esteem, and that’s nothing original for
a high schooler to be missing.
What we are being told is that these pissed-off kids
just can’t get enough attention from their parents,
a common theme in most school shootings. Most
attackers are lonely depressed outcasts who come
from families of opportunistic nature but who have
hit a rough patch. The parents have divorced, one
parent has developed alcoholism and on and on.
Despite what seems to be an okay or at least manageable
situation, these kids have decided to take
out their frustrations on their suburban communities.
That’s right. This shit doesn’t happen in inner
city schools, which are labeled as the location of
frequent school violence. In the United States, most
school violence, including everyday bullying and
beatings, happens in inner city schools. This is not
the case with school massacres, which occur in middle-class,
white non-urban towns.
Despite the Secret Service’s attempts, there is no “profiling”
of who would or would not shoot up a school. There is
no one characteristic that the school shooters share. Some
were loners while others were popular. Some had two parents;
others were foster children. Some were depressed;
others just had access to a gun.
Research has found that it is almost guaranteed that these
killers do not just “snap,” as had been previously assumed.
They get the idea, get a weapon and start to plan.
Another sick layer to this is that the murderers almost
never have a victim in mind. They just want to kill as
many people as possible for what seems like no good reason
at all. If the student was bullied, they didn’t kill the
person who made fun of them. At this point, it is said that
they simply want to take as many people down as possible.
The most famous of school shootings was of course Columbine.
In Littleton, Colo., the school has been the face of
school violence since that infamous Apr. 20 in 1999. It is
argued that this is the most well-known shooting because
of the extensive media coverage, the number of deaths and
the long-term planning of the attack by Eric Harris and
Dylan Klebold. But prior to this, school shootings date all
the way back to 1927 with the worst school massacre in
U.S. history in Bath, Mich., which resulted in 45 deaths by
a school board member.
The thing that seems most interesting to me is that these
murderous rampages almost always end in the dramatic
ending of the shooter killing themselves. Do these killers
really need to kill others in their path of self-destruction?
I guess they know that their two choices are to kill themselves
or to spend life in prison.
As obvious a statement as it may seem, I have to say it:
high school can be hard with self-esteem issues, bullying
and stress, but this is no excuse to kill someone.
The thing that pisses me off the most is that after the
shooting has happened, and if the attacker survives, they
almost always plead insanity in court. While almost all
who have survived their own rampage are serving a life
sentence if not more, the fact that they have the audacity
to blame their horrible acts on “insanity” seems so wrong
and twisted.
Nearly as wrong and twisted as killing innocent children
as they attend school.
www.wakemag.org\17

Photography/
Chris Roberts
18/ 1-7 November 2006

ARBITRARY AWARDS
Best shower: Golden shower
Best Christmas movie: Debbie
Does Christmas
Worst sandwich: Shit sandwich
Honorable mention: Ham
sandwich
Luckiest object: Rabbit’s foot
Unluckiest object: Threelegged
rabbit
Honorable mention: A Muppet
Christmas Carol
Honorable mention: Carrie
Best nut: Peanut (“Legume?”
Jackass.)
Best houseplant: Venus flytrap
Honorable mention: Pot
The first American chess
tournament was held in New
York in what year?