[Mantak_Chia,_Michael_Winn]_Taoist_Secrets_of_Love(BookFi.org)

Keeping Sex Radiant And Healthy 231
15. DON'T RELY ON SEXUAL FANTASY TO GET AROUSED
The danger of reliance on sexual fantasy is that sex will become
limited to a mind trip. The yin and yang energies moving through
man and woman are real, not a fantasy. If you limit sex to an
idealized image taken from Playboy or invented by your imagination
you will find it difficult to experience in your body the profound
flow of your deeper energies. If sex becomes a mental play,
it can block the deepest play of your being because it is not centered
in the body in the present moment but in projecting ahead
into the future. How can you love a woman in your arms if you are
busy holding another one in your dreams? Both lovers are cheated
by this.
The common tendency of the male is to project ahead in time
a plan of action. This imagination is a strength when it leads to
positive accomplishment. A joint projection of spiritual will shared
by lovers can certainly lead to deeper fulfillment.
But sexual fantasy becomes a negative projection, an escape
from the present, this is impossible for any real woman to fulfill.
Worse, it reduces real women to the level of fantasy objects. It can
be an excuse to leave the real woman in your life to go off and
pursue an imaginary one. The classical Taoist texts speak of
"ghosts" that visit men in their dreams and make intensely passionate
love to them. These men are never happy, with their life,
constantly seeking their intensity in dreaming, and never awaken
to the possibility they could have a more satisfying love with a real
woman, with a flesh and blood body and soul if only they spent
their energy cultivating that possibility.
But how does one escape the powerful lure of sexual fantasy?
By cultivating the flow of one's own energy through healthy physical
exercises such as sports, yoga, martial arts, and the Microcosmic
Orbit meditation. The Big Draw is also effective if done
whenever you catch yourself falling into fantasy. If you transform
your energy up to the crown of your head each time you get an
erection or feel a sexual fantasy coming on, you will eventually
master that tendency in yourself.
Another way of mastering sexual fantasy is to live it out if the
opportunity presents itself-engage in your idea of wildly erotic behavior
or pursue women you know at heart are not for you—but
observe yourself carefully and ask what the real satisfaction gained