[Mantak_Chia,_Michael_Winn]_Taoist_Secrets_of_Love(BookFi.org)

The Sexual Economy 43
sion, and if possible learn the Fusion of Five Elements meditation
for balancing emotional energy (see Chapter 18 for a description).
Even this is no miraculuous overnight cure for emotional insecurity.
If you spent decades feeling and acting insecure, it will take
a while to change. Cultivate and balance your internal energy constantly,
and you will be surprised at how your emotions will lose
their power over you, and be replaced by a continuous feeling of
inner connectedness. You won't need to seek your emotional understanding
from a woman, which is a dependancy trap many men
fall into. When you understand the source of your emotions in the
movement of the chi energy in your body, you will be in a position
to maintain inner balance and help your lover to achieve the same.
Once you are free of sexual and emotional compulsiveness
you will find yourself a very changed man in your relations with
women. Ideally, you would get to know a woman for several years
before having children with her. This allows you both to learn the
subtle energy rhythms of the relationship before your attention is
focused on child-raising. If, by then, you have practiced dual
cultivation to a high level, the deep bond will go far in getting you
through the inevitable difficulties that lie ahead.
For many American men, sexuality actually remains on an
infantile level. It is often no more than an extension of feeding. It is
an attempt to take in love from outside themselves and childishly
demand the certainty of continual gratification. This leads necessarily
to the jealous dependency that plays havoc with so many
relationships. People spend years watching to see if they are loved:
in this way they annihilate even the possibility of what they seek.
This type of destructive sexuality is a constant looking outside
oneself for assurances. This insecurity can generate negative emotions
we are often unconscious of, such as jealousy and guilt, as
well as acts that consciously violate our own integrity, such as
adultery. One ceases to live in the present moment, creation stops,
and life becomes slavish rehearsals of lust broken by long periods
of boredom.
It's easy to observe that after a time the life of many couples
seems weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. One reason for this is
because when they embrace intending to make love, the man ejaculates
and thus excretes his deep vitality and depletes his yang
charge. Nature is abundant and forgiving, but after years of
ejaculation the difference shows up as weakened sexual desire.