A Journal of Mahatma Gandhi Antarrashtriya Hindi Vishwavidyalaya

years in this guileful world I roamed about
helpless, repulsed, upbraided; and now
my fondness is turned into devotion. O
gentle, you're my preceptor; you've taught
me a woman's duty. On the strength of
the six year cruelly tough experience I
can aver that your insensibility was
comparatively good— I was wretched
indeed that I chucked off your shelter
and came here. Is it necessary to know
what affected, afflicted my life? These
days I sell betel and reach it to the harem
of the younger royal family. By and large
I'm not unhappy. Cast aside any anxiety
for me. Go where you've to. If at all
you live in this city, then I must cherish
the hope of getting at times some glimpses
of yours. But you needn't stay long at
this stall. Persons frequenting here don't
consider the female frame as god's abode.’’
Saying this much she with a laugh looked
into my direction. In that glance was
there a sort of repulsion and repugnance
for oneself, but not even a trace of sorrow
or contrition. Just a respite, and she
again started her say, ‘‘Bhatt, I don't
repent anything, any matter. Except what
I am I couldn't have been anything else.
But you can be far superior to whatever
you are. Therefore, I say, don't linger
here. If I'm contrite, then I won't get
a nook even in the hell I'm in. If you
pull yourself together, then you'll get to
a place in that heaven I've myself no
fancy for, nor have you in your mind.
I've seen this world not a little. A gem
of a man like you on this earth is scarce.’’
Nipunika's eyes were lowered; she had,
as it were, uttered something that shouldn't
have been said, and her fingers briskly
engaged themselves in colouring the betel
leaf with kattha.
Her last statement stuck deep into my
recesses. If she expiates, then she won't
get any nook even in the hell she has
been inhabiting. She is a female fallen
from family, what's the value of her good
qualities in society? Bad attributes are
more or less in demand. I once again
looked at her eye-sockets. Tears had filled
them. I burst forth, ‘‘Niuniya, thou liest.
You're repenting, you're in trouble, you
long for a refuge, you don't like me to
move aside. What I was before I'm even
now; not the entire world can separate
you from my shelter. Close down this
shop at once. Do live peacefully where
none knows anything about you. I can't
go my way leaving you in this puddle.
It's good that your fondness for me has
been dealt a cut. Quit the highway of
this city besmeared black. How thine
eyes are sunken! O you wretch, you're
concealing from me even.’’ This time
Nipunika felt wounded. She started weeping.
Some customers were simultaneously
espied approaching the shop. Viewing
them even from a distance she was forthwith
her own self. With not a moment's delay
she downed the shutters and gesticulated
for my entry inside. Behind the shop
there was a small courtyard, right in its
January-March 2012 :: 37