A Journal of Mahatma Gandhi Antarrashtriya Hindi Vishwavidyalaya

precisely that she has to, time and again,
return to exactly what she runs from after
being beaten up. And that she would be
beaten up again. She knew there was no
way out/ There was no final refuge/ She
knew, this time too, she would revert.
Still, she runs. The river Ganga wasn’t
too far from where she was. Rail-tracks
were close-by too. And yet she, knowing
her tragic fate, that she will have to come
back and be beaten again, runs. Even if
this escape is transient. She does not
embrace death. She does not consider
suicide a course. So, the fact of Ganga
being not-so-far-away, or rail-tracks being
close-by, does not present her with an
alternative. Escaping being maltreated by
ending her life is unacceptable to her.
Because all these times, she has been running
away not from life to death, but from
death to life. Her struggle is like that of
a calf tied to a hook running to the end
of it’s lasso/ then twisting it’s neck to
slacken the hook. After all, what hook
is this that the woman is tied to, which
she fails to uproot with her repeated
attempts? It is emphasized that she tries
till her neck is twisted, and even though
she can’t release herself; she does slacken
the clasp of the hook. Trying till her neck
is twisted. Slowly but surely this hook
is going to at least break, if not ripped
out. Because that woman sees the same
dream, each night, many times. Lest she
forgets the will to freedom. Dream being,
to keep alive the dream, even in bondage,
and to keep alive the effort, even in
inertness.
In this poem, where this woman runs
from and has to revert to, to be beaten
up yet again, is evidently her in-laws’
house. The poet Arun Kamal hasn’t used
the term ‘home’ or ‘family’ for this place.
Is this mere chance? When once married,
according to this social composition, this
is her ‘home’ as well as ‘family’. The word
‘home/ house’ (ghar) occurs once in this
poem. The place where she lodges for
a few odd days. Sometimes at an
acquaintance’s or a distant relative’s house
– visibly, here too she doesn’t live for
a few odd days in her life, she merely
lodges. Sometimes, runs back to her parents’
place. But for how many days? A week
or a month. Worn out, returns from there
too. It is implied that even at her father’s
place (peehar), she can only stay and be
tolerated for a few days. Though maybe
a tad longer than at an acquaintance’s
or distant relative’s house. Returning tired,
points at two things. One, life has not
been lived, she merely lodged. Two, the
present composition does not allow for
her parents’ place to exist as an alternative
for her anymore. Come what may, she
has to anyhow buoy (nibhana) at her inlaws’
place. This social framework upholds
that the bride’s palanquin (doli) has left
her parent’s doorstep, her casket (arthi)
is when she’ll leave her in-laws’ doorstep.
In this context, can that place where a
134 :: January-March 2012