bb8VgwB

SPORTS
Edited by
Charley Mulliner
charlotte.mulliner@
hkmagmedia.com
THE STRAIGHT MAN
with Yalun Tu
hk picks
Stop Trying
“I’ll try.”
How many times have you heard
somebody in Hong Kong say that? If the answer
is a billion and five, then we can be friends.
“I’ll try” is possibly the worst thing you can
utter, soundly surpassing “you’re fired,”
“I’m having an affair,” or even (shudder),
“I’m a vegan.” Those statements are at least
straightforward exclamations of terrible things.
“I’ll try” means the exact opposite of what you
actually mean.
From the dictionary: “Try—to make an
attempt or effort to do something.” A proper
example would be, “I’ll try to do a 20km hike”
[dies] or “I’ll try to get asylum in Hong Kong”
[fails, hides out in Russia]. A Hong Kong “try”
is different. It means “to keep an offer or
invitation open in case one’s plans A through
G fall through, but unless an unforeseen
Act of God occurs, to actually have no intention
of trying whatsoever.” Here’s an example:
Me: Hey Lina. I’m having a BBQ Sunday.
Can you come?
Lina: Sounds good! I’ll try to make it.
At first glance, this seems like a soft
confirm. There’s an exclamation point and
maybe even an emoji if we were Whatsapping.
Lina would like to attend my BBQ. True, “I’ll try”
means it’s not completely guaranteed (hence
the “soft” confirm). Maybe Lina is out paddleboarding
at Big Wave Bay and may not get back
in time. Fair enough. It’s a journey. But at least
the good faith is there, right?
WRONG. Hong Kong is not a city of good
faith. Never in the history of our city-state has
somebody declared, “I’ll try to make it” and
shown up to the event. There was a rumor it
happened once in 2007 but I can’t 100 percent
confirm it. Instead, people say “I’ll try” but will
actively book other things during that period.
“I’ll try” is “You’re a backup backup.”
It’s not hard to do things instead of trying
to do things. For an event, get in a taxi and say
“Lan Kwai Fong.” In five to 30 minutes you’ll
have made it there. Actual trying would result
in actual success. Some people know this, so
they’ll layer on another poor excuse: “I tried to
meet up but my phone died.” Slow sarcastic
clap. At this point I’d just prefer crazy excuses,
Nightlife Events
Dapper Club
Any whisky
lovers in the
house? W
Hotel’s Woobar
is hosting
a party in
collaboration
with Chivas,
offering freeflowing
whisky
cocktails until
midnight. There will be a buffet with pulledpork
burgers, salmon, cheeses and cold
cuts. If that’s not enough to lure you in, then
who knows what is? Oct 25, 9pm. W Hotel,
1 Austin Rd. West, West Kowloon, 3717-2222.
$250 from venue; $300 at the door.
like “I was attacked by a 10-foot-tall Cronut
so I couldn’t make the surprise bday!”
There’s another Hong Kong meaning
of “try” and it’s terrible as well. It means
“I want to develop some sort of skill, but I like
saying I want to develop this skill more than
I like putting in the work to develop said skill.”
Another example:
Cocktail party person: Oh, you write for
HK Mag.
Me: Poorly. [self-effacing-laugh-humble brag]
Cocktail person: I want to try to do
some writing.
Me: You should write, then.
Cocktail person: Um… Yeah… I’ve tried
to but it’s hard to put stuff down.
What? No, it’s not. It’s easy to put stuff
down. Just write a word then another word
then another word after that. End with a period.
Capitalize the next letter. Then write some
more. Then you have a column. (This is my
work process).
You don’t need to try to write—just
write. You don’t need to try to run a marathon:
you train and then you run one. If you want
to not drink for a week, don’t try not drinking;
just don’t drink. This is kinda stupid, but
people’s “trying” excuses are just as stupid.
If you want something, get it for yourself.
Rally the troops, tap into your inner motivator.
As my gym trainer Saso yells every third
word, “Do it.”
Don’t try to come to events if you’re invited
to them. Either thank the person for the invite
and attend, or thank the person for the invite
and graciously decline because you won’t
attend. Don’t try to develop a skill. Plan. Do it.
You won’t succeed 100 percent of the time.
But that’s fine. We all have vices, flaws and
quirks that make things hard and, hey, that’s
life. But you will fail 100 percent of the time if
you approach a difficult thing with the attitude,
“I’ll try it.” When I want something, I look myself
in the mirror and kiss my biceps. Wait, that’s
something else. When I want something, I look
myself in the mirror and say, “I’m going to do
it.” And I do.
Unless I don’t. But at least I didn’t
try—I went for it. And there is a difference.
Yalun Tu is a columnist for HK Magazine. You can reach him at yalun.tu@gmail.com
or @yaluntu on Twitter.
Halloween at Fatty Crab
For Halloween this year, Fatty Crab will be
decked out like a Mexican joint. Sample southof-the-border-inspired
cocktails, as well as
dishes like shrimp and tamarind ceviche plus
tacos at $30 apiece. South of the border: is Hong
Kong China’s Mexico? Oct 31, 6pm. Fatty Crab,
G/F, 11-13 Old Bailey St., Central, 2521-2033.
Happy Valley Oktoberfest
Weekly horse-racing at Happy Valley is back out of the starting gates with a cracking line up
for Oktoberfest: namely, gallons of beer in all sorts of guises. Think speed-drinking contests, beerpouring
challenges and 11 different brews on tap in the dedicated Beer Garden. Soak it all up with
some pork knuckle and sauerkraut while jumping around to Bavarian entertainment. Oh, and if you
happen to spot horse-headed men galloping through town, grab them for free beer coupons. Looks
like the all-popular Happy Wednesdays just got even happier. Until Thursday, that is. Oct 29, Nov 12,
7pm. Happy Valley Racecourse, Causeway Bay. $10 at the door for access to public enclosure.
The Five Open Water Challenge
Part of the World Open Water Swimming
Series—13 races on five continents—”The
Five” is a 5km swim around South Bay. The
race is a circuit from South Bay Beach, taking
you out into the waters of neighboring Chung
Hom Wan. The winners of the male and female
races get $6,000 each, with second place
bagging $3,000. Now that’s worth getting out
of bed for. Open Water Asia runs a variety of
swim events throughout the year, so check
out the website for more details, plus tips on
open water swimming. Nov 9, 9am. South Bay.
$400-500; register online before Nov 7 at
www.openwaterasia.com.
SFHF Fundraising Tennis Challenge
John Isner and Nicolas Mahut may have
fought the longest match in tennis history at
the 2010 Wimbledon Championships with over
11 hours of play—but now Hong Kong charity
the Sports for Hope Foundation is aiming
to smash that record. SFHF’s Fundraising
Tennis Challenge will see professional French
player Jérôme Lacorte attempt to set a
Guinness World Record by facing off against
30-plus opponents, in singles matches, over
a continuous 30-hour period. On an adjacent
court, other tennis greats—including Hong
Kong’s Phillip King and Lynn Zhang Ling—will
take on members of the public: sign up online
for 15-minute or 30-minute sessions, from
$5,000; or take some tips from professional
coaches in 30-minute classes, from $500.
All proceeds go to SFHF to support the
region’s underprivileged athletes. Free entry
to spectators. Nov 15-16. Hong Kong Sports
Institute, 25 Yuen Wo Rd., Fo Tan, 2681-6888,
www.sportsforhopefoundation.org.hk.
Peak to Fong 2014
This annual sponsored dog-walking event from
Hong Kong Dog Rescue is now in its 11th edition.
Starting at The Peak, peeps and their pooches
wind their way down the hill to Lan Kwai Fong,
where a carnival of food, drink and games awaits.
All funds raised go towards HKDR’s operating
costs, which include providing vet services,
dog food and beds for its rescues. Walkers get
a specially designed T-shirt, and pooches get a
nice day out. Nov 23, 11am. Sign up online at
www.hongkongdogrescue.com/p2f2014.
MSIG Lantau Series
Action Asia’s two crazy trail runs both happen
in December, so take your pick: or perhaps use
one as a warm-up for the other. The Lantau VK
takes you on a steep 5km-course from Tong Fuk
Beach up to Lantau Peak’s summit at 934m. The
Lantau 50 bruiser covers a lengthy 88km if you
want to start at midnight and run through the
night. (Please read the info before signing up:
“The course is brutal, technical and will leave
your mind wondering why you entered”…) There
are shorter options of 13, 25 and 50km for those
not ready for the challenge. Dec 5-7. $250-1,110;
sign up at www.actionasiaevents.com.
Race to Hong Kong ICC
The tallest building in Hong Kong, the ICC, is
definitely not a place to consider ditching the
elevator for the stairs. That is, unless you’re
taking part in the SHHP Vertical Run series,
which has been conquering the tallest buildings
in the world this year. The last stop on the
circuit: “Race to Hong Kong ICC.” That’s 2,120
steps to the 100th floor. If this makes you go
weak at the knees, there are shorter “Fun
Climbs” too. Or, there’s always the lift. Dec 7,
9am. International Commerce Centre, 1 Austin
Rd. West, West Kowloon. $150; register before
Nov 14 at www.SHKPVerticalRun.com.
HK MAGAZINE FRIDAY, october 24, 2014 33