Is There a Disconnect between Torah Learning and ... - Hakirah.org

18 : Hạkirah, the Flatbush Journal of Jewish Law and Thought
For example, people who had to control themselves by not eating
from a plate of delicious cookies placed in front of them were less
capable of exercising self-control on a totally unrelated task. They
could not concentrate on a set of insoluble anagrams for nearly as long
as people who had not had to control themselves by not eating the
cookies. The need for self-control is not confined to diets and the like.
Self-control affects a broad range of our daily behaviors; concentrating
on work or on a lesson requires us to exercise self-control (to make
sure we are not distracted), sitting in a classroom and holding ourselves
back from talking to a neighbor requires self-control, and of course,
maintaining civility in the face of provocation requires great selfcontrol.
Would I be totally off the mark if I were to suggest that one
reason for the lapses in civil behavior (middos) of yeshiva and day
school children is that they are quite simply tuckered out from
exercising self-control all day in school? That they are “collapsing
under the load”? They sit in school, under conditions requiring
disciplined self-control and concentration, for long hours (in the case
of many boys, for longer than their parents sit at their desks at work).
They have limited outlets for their natural energy, which they must
hold in check all day. Is it possible that rabbeyim recognize this and
feel that after all the boys need to do, asking them to exercise selfcontrol
in how they talk to their siblings, their parents, and others
would be a case of מרובה לא תפסת ‏?תפסת Is it possible that because
they feel that “something has to give,” mechanchim make a conscious
decision to let middos education slide? If so, are we not akin to the
who properly locks a sheep in a corral, but under a hot burning שומר
sun? The שומר is then held responsible when the sheep breaks out
and runs away. 11 More important, if this is the choice mechanchim feel
they have been forced to make, is it the right choice? I believe it is
not.
I believe that we have forgotten or confused our priorities as
outlined in Shulchan Aruch. We tend to come down hard on children
when they lapse in מצוות בין אדם למקום but are more accepting and
tolerant when they lapse in בין אדם לחבירו ‏.מצוות The Shulchan Aruch,
‏"ה בבא קמא נ haKones: 11 See Mishnah and Gemara at the beginning of Perek
‏.ע"ב ורש"‏ י שם