Is There a Disconnect between Torah Learning and ... - Hakirah.org

36 : Hạkirah, the Flatbush Journal of Jewish Law and Thought
actually, “we don’t fir zich like this” (we do not follow this ruling), the
lesson is in effect erased from the child’s mind.
Years ago my son asked me at the Shabbos table, “Tati, why must
we hate goyim?” I asked him where he had gotten this idea. He
answered, “My rebbe said so.” I would have been disturbed by this
“lesson” under any circumstances, but I was even more surprised
because that Friday afternoon my son had brought home his lesson
from the Derech Eretz program. It taught about kavod ha’briyos,
complete with the anecdote about how Rebbe Yaakov Kaminetzky
ztz”l interrupted a conversation he was having on the street to pay
silent respect to a non-Jewish funeral that was passing by, saying
that the dead person too was created in the אלוקים ‏,צלם image of
Hashem. How, I wondered, did the same rebbe teach the two lessons
in the same day or week? I did not wonder about which lesson had
“taken.” That was unfortunately obvious.
Thus, of primary importance in teaching middos is authenticity;
we must mean what we teach and preach. But it must go further than
that.
Empathy:
One of the critics of Kohlberg’s approach was Hoffman. 39 He
emphasized and cited research to show that Moral Development and
Behavior were strongly dependent on an understanding of and
identification with the feelings of other human beings, especially
those who are suffering. He argued that it is by this empathic distress
(known in our own literature as being בצער חבירו ‏,(משתתף feeling
another human being’s pain, rather than just moral thinking, that we
are moved to altruistic behavior, to helping that person. Similarly, it is
the sensitivity to the realization that our words or actions may
embarrass and hurt another person, that may cause us to be careful
of what we say.
39 Hoffman, Martin L., “Toward a Comprehensive Empathy-Based
Theory of Prosocial Moral Development” in Bohart, Arthur C. (Ed);
Stipek, Deborah J. (Ed), Constructive & Destructive Behavior: Implications for
Family, School, & Society, (pp. 61-86). Washington, DC, US: American
Psychological Association (2001).