Is There a Disconnect between Torah Learning and ... - Hakirah.org

32 : Hạkirah, the Flatbush Journal of Jewish Law and Thought
• We tend to emphasize a degree of perfection in our children
that causes them to be afraid of chas ve’shalom admitting any
weakness. This fear leads to many adverse effects in their
emotional and psychological health, in their religious
practices, and of course in their middos (see Sorotzkin ibid.).
Worst of all, it creates an overly cynical attitude toward life
and Torah. (Much of this is, of course, driven by shidduch
considerations, but also by other factors.)
Homes and schools must actively work against these trends. We
must allow our children healthy growth and development.
We must teach our children to respect others and to refrain from
disparaging others. Much time and effort is spent on teaching our
children the איסורים involved in speaking הרע ‏.לשון Thus we teach
them that there לאוים are 16 involved in every הרע ‏.לשון But that is
not enough. Unless and until we teach children to respect other
people’s privacy, and unless we teach them that sticking our
proverbial noses into other people’s business is inherently disgusting,
they will not cease to find ‏”היתרים“‏ for speaking הרע ‏,לשון if only for
the most “juicy pieces.”
How We Behave
As the Chazon Ish used to say, we must be careful
—that is, our children should not hear us preach and
then see us fail to perform. Thus, we must carefully model
appropriate behavior.
It will not do for us to admonish our children not to be
aggressive, and then have them watch us cut off other cars as we
drive, and honk our horns at all hours of the night without any
שלא תהיה שמיעה
גדולה מראי יה
increases knowledge?” Firstly, סופרים refers not to students but to
teachers (see the context of the Gemara in Bava Basra, as well as
explicitly stated by Rashi in ‏"א ), who can experience a
mature level of envy (rather than jealousy), which inspires them to do
קנאה ztz”l, more. Secondly, as I heard from Rebbe Mordechai Gifter
need not refer to jealousy or envy; it may refer to zealousness. In other
words, watching the zealousness of others induces one to apply himself
as well.
קידושין פ ‏"ב ע