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Is there a Disconnect between Torah Learning and Torah Living? : 27
habit becomes second nature. This is after all, the foundation of
education programs, of ‏:חינוך the belief that man can harness and
train his nature. This belief is supported by a wide body of research
that shows “that our actions influence our thoughts.” 22 Thus, we
must insist that our children engage in behaviors and actions that
reflect concern and respect for others, so that such concerns
become embedded in their very natures.
We must not begin with lofty speeches and fancy programs.
Instead, we must begin with the most mundane and simple parts of
their daily experience and behavior. We must teach our children what
to do, i.e., how to behave.
At home, we must teach them at an early age to pick up their toys
and put them away. Not only because they should not leave a mess,
but more important, that they not grow up thinking that it is the duty
of others (i.e., their mother) to serve them, and that they be
conscious of not making work for others.
Similarly, children, and especially the boys, must learn to clean off
the table after they have eaten—at the very least, to place their dirty
dishes in the sink, not to leave their own dirty plates for others to
take off the table. They should feel embarrassed when they fail to do
so. Boys need to learn that neither their mothers nor their sisters are
there to serve them hand-and-foot. I have seen the unfortunate
results in the development of boys who have not learned this basic
‏,נשים צדקניות sensitivity. Their well-meaning mothers and sisters, true
wishing to show respect to Torah, have inadvertently taught them to
expect other to do their work. They have been told that all they
needed to do was learn. They believed it, and they learned. But when
כי האדם נפעל כפי פעולותיו where he writes ספר החינוך in the ‏"ז מצוה ט 22 See
This ‏.ולבו וכל מחשבותיו תמיד אחר מעשיו שהוא עוסק בהם אם טוב ואם רע
truth, which at one time was dismissed by the moderns, has by now
been corroborated by research and is recognized so much that one of
the leading Introductory Psychology textbooks writes, “Many streams
of research confirm that attitudes follow behavior.” (Myers, David G.,
Psychology, 8 th Ed., 2007, Worth Publishers, p. 726.) Even popular
culture has now recognized this. See Brooks, David in a recent New
York Times Op-Ed piece, “Pitching with a Purpose.” He cites from
“The Mental ABC’s of Pitching,” a book on baseball, and writes,
“Behavior shapes thought. If a player disciplines his behavior he will
also discipline his mind.” N.Y Times, April 1, 2008.