Microsoft Office

Acknowledgments
I’ll always be thankful to Champthom, for waking up at 5 a.m. on those cold Saturday mornings to take me
to skating practice. And, of course, I must thank my grandma for giving me the genetic gift of fidgeting. I’d
also like to thank my mother and Anne Kulak, both of whom where equally important in making me who I
am today.
My thanks to Tank, for doing the thankless job of giving thanks at my Thanksgiving dinner. And I have
undying gratitude to John Owen, who stopped me from hearing the voices — at least for a while. Oh, and
I’m really grateful for Fred, for not commenting much.
I’ll always be grateful for the culinary contributions of Jon Anderson, who showed me how to use conditional
formatting to make a delicious cheese spread. And I would like to give a special thanks to Adam
Poranski, for truly teaching me to appreciate Stamen. More thanks are due to Heidi Buckner. Because of
her constant praise of Microsoft Word, I was forced to write this book out of spite. Also thank-worthy is
ElMoney, who continued to contribute to my blog even after she became famous. And I’m especially grateful
to Rory, for not being a troll.
A warm thank-you to Danille Bouchonnet, for spreading on the lotion after that mishap in the tanning
booth. And thanks to pat... who introduced me to some innovative uses of the ellipsis. Thanks go out to
fancypants... for being inspired by the following to learn Excel the J-Walk way: Victor Torres, Doug
Durdan, Tony Williamson, Avalon, Lori, Eden, Cardi, Ricardo Dittmer, Jeremy Mathis, Dan and
Angie McKenzie, Di Hogg, Roger Holmes, Katarina Kotulakova, and (last, but least) Phil Borkstrom.
I’m much obliged to Claire Summers, a friend of mine who uses Excel a lot in her work, even though she
doesn’t really need to. Special thanks to Art C, who taught me everything I know about Excel — but unfortunately
not everything he knows about Excel. I’d also like to thank Big Leather Dave, for teaching me how
to hit without hurting and hurt without hitting, skills that come in handy several times a week.
I can’t thank Evan and Robyn C. enough. I admire that fact that they use their Excel powers only for good
purposes. I’m also grateful to Rich (aka shades), who is old, slow, and confused — which makes me feel
young, fast, and alert. And a very special thanks to Tombraider. In my time of need, he was the only one
who knew the Hungarian phrase for “But officer, the llama was on fire when I got here.” I’m also indebted
to Rufus for accepting that extra cash I had lying around without making a big deal of it.
I checked my “Excel can do anything” files, and remembered Guy, who deserves thanks for helping me
modify the wiring in my ‘51 NoCaster using a circuit design created in an Excel worksheet (no macros). I
would also like to thank the Gideon Society. It may be a baseless rumor, but I’ve heard that they will be
bundling a copy of this book along with the standard fare they supply to hotel and motel rooms everywhere.
And, of course, I’d like to acknowledge Mike Hiscock. He’s just this guy I know.
I’m also appreciative of Sheldon Reynolds. Even though he’s not the guitarist Sheldon Reynolds from Earth
Wind and Fire, he made me laugh once (or maybe I’m thinking of someone else). And a very extra superspecial
thanks to ClownPie. His love of pie taught me that there’s only one thing in this world to live for.
Unfortunately, the love of his life generates a #NAME error in Excel. The correct spelling is PI().
And a special word up to Jack Faley, for pointing out that I forgot to carry the zero on page 582. Because of
his observation, this book is now certified error-free. I’d also like to thank Wilma Compton, for being the
only 17-year-old regular reader of the J-Walk Blog. But that’s just because her dad reads Excel books. And
I’d really like to thank Quasimike Why? Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin.
I’m left with no choice but to express my heartfelt gratitude to Fine-line, whose incalculable ignorance of
Excel assures me gainful employment well into my twilight years. And if I spoke Spanish, I’d say gracias to
Rob Richard and Rubberband for rockin’ the house. On a related note, many thanks Left Hand Green for
rocking my face off.
xxxvi