Whispers and Vanities in Samoan Indigenous Religious Culture
Whispers and Vanities in Samoan Indigenous Religious Culture
Whispers and Vanities in Samoan Indigenous Religious Culture
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“My worst fear is that you won’t remember me when I’m gone or, at least, you won’t<br />
remember me for who I really am. Dur<strong>in</strong>g quieter moments when I gazed at your<br />
picture on the wall <strong>in</strong> the year I was first diagnosed, this sense of forebod<strong>in</strong>g was<br />
almost too much to bear <strong>and</strong> I would break down <strong>and</strong> cry <strong>in</strong>to my h<strong>and</strong>s. At that<br />
stage I believed I had only a couple of years left <strong>and</strong> that you would grow up with no<br />
memory of me but for a few vague recollections <strong>and</strong> some photographs. I longed to<br />
be abundantly more to you than that. Now that I have lived through your<br />
k<strong>in</strong>dergarten years I yearn to experience your school years. Every birthday <strong>and</strong><br />
Christmas we celebrate together is a bonus but, once joyously celebrated, I fix my<br />
attention on mak<strong>in</strong>g it to the next, jealously hoard<strong>in</strong>g every moment I can with you,<br />
etch<strong>in</strong>g myself further <strong>in</strong>to your be<strong>in</strong>g. Perhaps the most oppressive of all emotions I<br />
am forced to brave is the sense that my condition is somehow restrict<strong>in</strong>g your<br />
opportunities to experience all that a child your age should – for that I am deeply,<br />
deeply regretful. I pray that upon read<strong>in</strong>g this as an adult you won’t feel that this has<br />
been the case <strong>and</strong> will have rich, full <strong>and</strong> resonant memories of your childhood <strong>and</strong> of<br />
our time together. Mum <strong>and</strong> I try hard to ma<strong>in</strong>ta<strong>in</strong> a sense of normality <strong>and</strong> attempt<br />
to give you everyth<strong>in</strong>g you need but <strong>in</strong> the end, though we want to with all our hearts,<br />
we can’t protect you from harsh realities, as cruel as they may be. Sometimes I am<br />
hard on you <strong>and</strong> have high expectations of your behaviour but I make no apology for<br />
that. I know that sometimes my frown <strong>and</strong> the disapprov<strong>in</strong>g shake of my head irks<br />
you but I am also aware of my duties to prepare you for life well <strong>in</strong>to the future, a life<br />
where self-discipl<strong>in</strong>e, honesty <strong>and</strong> <strong>in</strong>tegrity will provide solid foundations.<br />
Every parent has aspirations <strong>and</strong> dreams for their children. I simply want you to be<br />
happy… Happy with who you are <strong>and</strong> what you have become. Life will cont<strong>in</strong>ue to<br />
throw at you many challenges but you are made of the right stuff to meet them…. I<br />
hope you cont<strong>in</strong>ue to laugh unashamedly <strong>and</strong> hysterically as it is <strong>in</strong> your laughter that<br />
you warm the hearts of so many other people. I pray that you rema<strong>in</strong> open to others,<br />
open to learn<strong>in</strong>g, <strong>and</strong> open to new ideas <strong>and</strong> new experiences.<br />
…Unfortunately our paths lead <strong>in</strong> different directions but I will always be walk<strong>in</strong>g<br />
with you – or runn<strong>in</strong>g as you so often tend to do. Don’t forget to stop every once <strong>in</strong> a<br />
while <strong>and</strong> give me a fleet<strong>in</strong>g thought, maybe when you are at the beach, when you are<br />
sad, or <strong>in</strong> need of help. I will never be far away – there will always be a spirit that<br />
b<strong>in</strong>ds us. You are a very special gift <strong>and</strong> I love you with all my heart. I always<br />
will.” 49<br />
Pete’s words tap like the gentle w<strong>in</strong>ds of Puava, gently rem<strong>in</strong>d<strong>in</strong>g me that <strong>in</strong> times of<br />
trouble or discontent heal<strong>in</strong>g is not out there but with<strong>in</strong> myself. His words tell me that<br />
my forefathers loved me <strong>and</strong> always will; they want what’s best for me <strong>and</strong> always<br />
will; <strong>and</strong> they want me to dream dreams <strong>and</strong> see visions as they did. They want me to<br />
try to see what they see <strong>in</strong> their tala tuumumusu, not by whisper<strong>in</strong>g with guilt but with<br />
awe. They want me, my generation <strong>and</strong> the next generation to cont<strong>in</strong>ue the<br />
<strong>in</strong>terreligious <strong>and</strong> <strong>in</strong>tercultural dialogue on <strong>in</strong>digenous religions despite its challenges<br />
<strong>and</strong> shortcom<strong>in</strong>gs <strong>and</strong> to do so because we are children of Samoa <strong>and</strong> we believe it the<br />
right <strong>and</strong> lov<strong>in</strong>g th<strong>in</strong>g to do. I hear their plea <strong>and</strong> this paper is my pledge to always<br />
try.<br />
Soifua.<br />
49<br />
I am grateful to Pete Anderson for giv<strong>in</strong>g me access to his words through his brother, my dear<br />
friend, Matt Anderson.<br />
22