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Meet the Odorous House Ant
People across the United States call me all the time to tell me
they have ants in their houses. It’s one of my favorite parts of
knowing a little bit about insects. From my grandmother Ina down
in Opelika, Alabama, to my good friend Ariana out in Los Angeles,
to my friend Sarah’s grandmother’s friend up in Baltimore, the call
is always the same: “Help me! I’m under attack! I’ve got ants in
my kitchen!”
I love these calls because they make me feel like a living wizard.
Here’s why: Most people in the United States have only one of
three or four types of ants wandering around their kitchen. By
asking a few process-of-elimination-type questions, I can usually
narrow the identity of their trespassers down to species. It’s
simple, but it seems like magic to the people on the other end of
the line. To let you in on the secrets of my sorcery, here’s an
example of a call with Sarah’s grandmother’s friend (SGF):
SGF: “Help me! I’m under attack! I’ve got ants in my kitchen!”
Me: “Are they big or little?”
SGF: “They’re tiny!”
Now I know she doesn’t have big carpenter ants or the less
probable field ants. She also doesn’t have Asian needle ants.
Me: “What color are they?”
SGF: “I gotta look at them? Hold on. I gotta get my reading
glasses. Hold ... on ... OK! They’re black!”
So, Sarah’s grandmother’s friend doesn’t have pharaoh ants or
fire ants. Plus, she probably doesn’t have the brown Argentine
ants.
Now I know what she has in her kitchen. Time for my big finish.
Me: “Here’s what I want you to do. I want you to squish one. I
want you to roll it between your fingers and put it up to your nose
and sniff it.”
SGF: “I’m sorry, what?”
Me: “Just do it. Tell me what it smells like.”
Sarah’s grandmother’s friend squishes. She makes the I’msquishing-an-ant
sound people make that comes out as a mix
between “ooh!” (fun!) and “eew” (gross.). The result of this squish-
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