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TAH-TAH FORD - Rackspace Hosting

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I’ve done something that I never thought I’d do. I recently purchased<br />

an Alpine White 1993 Range Rover Classic short wheelbase. How<br />

exciting, until you hear what I paid for it. It’s an $1,100 Range Rover<br />

Classic. “I thought those were expensive, Mike.” A 175,000-mile<br />

Range Rover Classic. “That’s no spring chicken, Mike.” A Range<br />

Rover Classic that’s spent it’s entire tour of duty in the northern<br />

reaches of Vermont. “Good from far, but far from good, Mike.” With<br />

its leather seats and walnut dash, it still presents proudly enough<br />

to take a date out to a respectable restaurant. For years, I’ve<br />

been interested in Series Rovers; vehicles that are somewhat<br />

straightforward to repair with simple hand tools, don’t have to be<br />

plugged in to a computer to be diagnosed, don’t depreciate faster<br />

than a concert Steinway falling from a skyscraper.<br />

Speaking of which, Range Rover Classics are certainly attainable<br />

these days, but you should scrutinize over each example you look at<br />

because a so-called value may end up costing you down the road. Are<br />

Range Rover Classics a better value now than ever? In 1993, mine<br />

had an MSRP of about $44,500 when it rolled off its showroom floor<br />

(literally, it was the display model). At the time of registration, the<br />

local Department of Motor<br />

Vehicles taxed me based on<br />

its book value, roughly<br />

$3,500. (remember to<br />

watch out for the falling<br />

pianos...) How on earth<br />

did these cars depreciate<br />

so much?<br />

Let’s take a look at<br />

what it takes to keep one<br />

of these discreet status<br />

indicators on the road and<br />

in service. According to my<br />

rudimentary calculations,<br />

after commuting in it<br />

everyday for about a month, it gets a magnificent 12.5 mpg. A Range<br />

Rover Classic will never be mistaken for a Prius. Thankful, for the<br />

planet we live on, I’ve been militant about my recycling chores lately.<br />

The Range Rover’s so-called fuel economy is a “value” in a distorted<br />

way. I like to think about it like this: it has twice the number of<br />

cylinders than my Series and multitudes more horsepower and speed.<br />

The Range Rover cruises effortlessly at 70 mph, whereas my 109”<br />

once saw a record speed of 62 mph on a steep downhill, a<br />

frightening experience altogether. The Range Rover is all-wheel-drive<br />

all the time, whereas the Series is in rear-wheel-drive during most of<br />

its travels. What are some of the more expensive parts to replace? An<br />

ABS pump retails at about $1,200. What about the ABS valve block,<br />

which retails at around $1,500? (I hope that doesn’t decide to stop<br />

functioning, especially since this Classic weighs in at 4,401 lbs.!) The<br />

viscous unit in the Borg Warner transfer case retails at about $1,600,<br />

not counting labour and other items that should probably be replaced<br />

at the same time - like the chain, gears and seals. At which point, it<br />

typically pays to replace the entire transfer box instead of fixing what’s<br />

broken. Corrosion is a constant battle in New England, especially<br />

when owning a Range Rover Classic. Perhaps 1993 is the best model<br />

year for the short wheelbase, as it has the benefits of ABS and ETC<br />

without the troublesome aging EAS. I’m trying to come up with a<br />

figure on a repair that would potentially send this car to an early<br />

grave. When will we reach the point of diminishing returns? How<br />

much do I love this Classic?<br />

Immeasurably. So, what’s it all about? What does this Range<br />

Rover bring to my life other than high fuel consumption and the<br />

dreaded question of “what if?” It’s like no other car I’ve driven or<br />

owned-and I’ve owned quite an embarrassingly high number for a<br />

man of my age. What I like the most about driving it is the way it<br />

makes me feel while driving it. When I drive my Range Rover, I feel<br />

like entitled royalty. It has that certain “je na sais quoi” of making its<br />

driver feel superior to other motorists surrounding him or her. While<br />

speaking to some fellow Classic enthusiasts the other night, we all<br />

agreed, that until you drive one on a regular basis, you really can’t<br />

grasp the aura this car beholds. I’ve heard the following: “All Range<br />

Rovers are cars, but not all cars are Range Rovers.” Narcissistically, I<br />

admire my reflection while driving my Range Rover past those shiny<br />

glass-faced contemporary<br />

office buildings in town.<br />

“Make way for the king of<br />

‘Vermontistan’ in his 1993<br />

Range Rover Classic!”<br />

Enough about my<br />

overly-inflated ego while<br />

driving the Range Rover; it’s<br />

also great for loading up<br />

with friends and heading<br />

out to dinner in style.<br />

This late Range Rover<br />

Classic just might be my<br />

favorite Land Rover.<br />

From its formidable<br />

driving height, I feel like I’m towering over all the other motorists on<br />

an imperial level. Like riding in a palanquin on the back of a<br />

pachyderm, I feel safe. All nonsequitors aside, the Classic’s timeless<br />

design looks “just right;” think of it as Goldylocks. The other night,<br />

I parked it in front of my Burlington condo and stood admiring it for<br />

almost five minutes. My neighbors must consider me mad. The<br />

Classic looks smart, and its exterior styling remained largely<br />

unchanged from its debut in 1970 till the end of its production in<br />

1995! There’s no mistaking my Range Rover for any other SUV<br />

resembling a melted cough drop, in any parking lot.<br />

It is chock-full-of-amenities. I routinely appreciate it’s factory<br />

fitted 120-watt a/d/s stereo with 6-disc CD changer (and<br />

weatherband), walnut dash, heated windscreen, glass sunroof,<br />

puddle lamps in the bottoms of the doors, ABS, ETC, power windows<br />

(the three that work), power locks, and leather heated power seats<br />

(more on that later). One of my favorite luxuries is the auto-dimming<br />

rearview mirror; it perfectly cuts the glare from those bothersome<br />

HID headlamps. Its uprated suspension was genuinely put to the test<br />

the other morning as I swerved to avoid a motorist even less awake<br />

31

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