August 1989 - San Francisco Police Officers Association

August, 1989 Notebook Page 15
They Look to You
by Michael McLaughlin,
SF Police Academy Graduate
If police officers don't already know their
jobs are stressful they haven't been paying
attention. Thankfully, others are also
becoming more aware of this fact and more
work is being done to help officers reduce,
or at least better manage such stress.
Nowhere is this work needed more urgently
than in the field of stress which affects our
families.
The purpose of this article is to help identify
and possibly provide some very fundamental
techniques for dealing with one
specific area of stress placed on a police
officer and his family because of his job.
It is probably one of the most important
to any police officer, the one affecting his
or her children.
Consider the following scenarios:
While working swing shift you respond
to a "shots fired" call. Upon arriving you're
faced with a mentally disturbed woman
waving an automatic pistol in the air,
threatening to shoot anyone who comes
near here. As your partner begins to approach
her she brings the gun to bear on
him. You fire and kill her. You survived the
shooting and the investigation that followed.
With the techniques and support
groups now available you begin the process
of healing the personal emotional trauma
that follows. You are just beginning to feel
'like everything really will work out when
your six year old daughter comes up to you
and says "Daddy, the kids at school said
you shot that lady for no reason and that
you're a murderer, is that true?" What do
you say?
After your second day in a row of double
shifts (the flu is making its rounds of
the swing shift) you make it home with one
thought - sleep - when your three year
old comes up and asks if you "powed
anybody like the police on TV do?" Again
the question; what do you say?
Most of the, answer depends on the relationship
you have built with your children.
Are you able to discuss the pressures and
stresses you face? Have you been honest
with them about what you do and why you
do it?
Children are amazing. They are not "little
adults", but rather "little people" with the
same basic needs as their "larger" counterparts.
Their questions are innocent, but
brutally honest at the same time. They
have the incredible ability to ask questions
that, if answered simply and in a straight
forward manner, are at the exact level of
understanding they require. This is mainly
due to the fact that children are gaining
knowledge of the world about them, their
place in that world, and the proper way to
function in it constantly. They look to you
as the greatest single source of this
information.
Ifs an awesome responsibility. The ways
in which you fill it will decide not only how
you view yourself each morning in the mirror,
but, more importantly, how that child
will view himself or herself and the surrounding
world. Enough preaching from a soapbox.
You're not reading this because you
need someone to remind you of the special
role you play in the development of your
child. You are reading hoping to find a
perhaps better way to fill that role.
Let's go back to the scenes above and
examine some possible solutions. In the
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first scenario one possible answer might
be, "Don't believe 'em kid, they don't know
what they're talking about." And with that
you go to the refrigerator, pull out that
magic stress reducer, and pour yourself a
"tall cold one." Sound familiar? If it does
we have a lot of work to do.
If on the other hand, you turned the
television off, pulled her up on your lap and
explained that, "The lady was a bad person,
she was going to hurt me or Bill (your
partner) real bad, maybe even kill someone.
I really didn't want to shoot her, but she
wouldn't listen when I told her to drop the
gun. I had to stop her before she could hurt
anyone. As for the kids at school, they
sometimes hear things on T.V. that aren't
completely true. They're just wondering
what happened the same way you are."
You be the judge: which is going to better
develop that relationship you need to keep
your family together through some rough
times?
The same thought process holds true for
the second scene. Do you tell him, "Yeah
kid, I bagged four dirtballs just today." Or,
do you take the time to explain that
shooting someone is not what your job is
about, trying to help and protect people is.
(Don't forget to mention that television is
not always real!)
The basic philosophy here is really quite
simple, and something we learned a long
time ago: taking the time to show compassion
and caring makes the job, and our personal
life, a lot easier. Unfortunately,
sometimes we need a gentle reminder.
In the world in which we live today the
innocence of childhood does not get to last
long. As parents we have to start instilling
that awareness needed to stay out of
harm's way at earlier and earlier ages. As
parents we are faced with the tough job of
finding that balancing point between letting
our children experience the pains of the real
world they have entered, and protecting
them from that world long enough so they
are prepared to deal with it.
As I said earlier, it's an awesome responsibility
to raise children, and the fact that
our profession is one of controlled violence
only makes it a little tougher. But with a
little time and patience it is a responsibility
filled with reward.
Michael McLaughlin was born in
Rockville Center, NY IN 1961 and grew up
in Mann County, Ca. He gradauted from
Youngstown State University in Ohio in
1984 with a Bachelor's Degree in Law Enforcement
Administration. Mike spent 3
'years on Active Duty as a Field Artillery
Officer with the Deployment Force. He is
a recent graduate of the San Francisco
Police Academy and is currently a Patrol
Officer with the Foster City Police Department.
He resides in Novato, CA with his
wife, Kathy, who graduated from Indiana
University of Pennsylvania with a degree
in Criminology, and their three year old
son, Michael II.
Michael McLaughlin is a recent graduate
of the San Francisco Police Academy and
is currently a Patrol Officer with the Foster
City Police Department.
DON
FITZPATRICK
ASSOCIATES
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.$ C
Summer Blood Drive
On Thursday, July 6th the SFPD conducted
its annual summer blood drive at
the SFPOA Office. Ninety-five members
responded for a net collection of 90 units.
This blood was collected at a critical time
for Irwin Memorial Blood Bank. During this
period many donors are on vacation and
blood reserves dwindle. Thanks to all who
participated.
I would like to remind all members of the
SFPD (sworn and civilian) that they are
eligible to use our service. This also includes
family members. Besides replacing
blood credits, we recently have been doing
a lot of designated donor business. A
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