Roto Exclusive : Guest Contributions and Featured Articles

“So, is this how you generally spend your off-season?” I ask.
“Yea, I love beaches. I’ve always loved beaches. Wanna know what I love about beaches?” Without
waiting for a reply he continues. “There are so many different kinds of beaches. They come in all
different shape, sizes and colors. I love to lie on beaches. Sometimes I cover my entire body in sand and
just let the damn beach lie on me.” He grins again and places his hands behind his head, completely
relaxed.
“God, I love me a good beach. Have you ever seen the movie Phat Beach? One of my faves, dude. Check
it out. I actually own it on VHS and DVD. You can’t borrow it though, really, just ‘cus I like it so much. I’d
be pissed if something happened to it.”
At this point I’m wondering to myself if I’m actually doing an interview or if I’m just going to end up
sitting and listening to Ryan Kesler talk.
“I’m going for a swim,” Ryan states all of a sudden. “Wanna come? I’m just going out to that dock for a
bit.” I follow the finger he’s pointing with and my eyes rest upon a dock, about 50 feet out, teeming with
bodies.
“I’ll watch,” I say.
“Pussy,” sneers Ryan.
“Do you like diving off the dock?” I ask mockingly as I allow a half-smile to creep onto my face.
“Pffffft,” he sprays as he heads down the beach “I get people to push me. I like it when people push me
off and I fall in the water.” He takes off towards the dock and leaves me sitting on the beach, watching
while 6 and 7 year old kids scream and giggle as they effortlessly toss Ryan Kesler off the dock over and
over again.
“So,” says Ryan as he dries off and re-oils after his escapade in the water, “I heard you were talking to
Danny? He called. I let it go to voicemail, though, but he told me he told you about the carrot farms we
invested in to make sure we have prosperity in the future. We try to keep it on the D.L., but if he trusted
you I can trust you a bit too… I guess.” Ryan sits up, leaning on one elbow, and looks at me over top of
his Ray-Ban sunglasses.
“You see, it’s pretty lucrative. The carrot business – have you ever heard of someone, or met someone,
who’s in the carrot business? Doubt it. We are, though. We think it’s gonna be pretty good for us. Best
part is, so many carrots are farmed in California. You might think other places, but that’s just not the
case. Here. California. Cal-eee-phone-ya.” Ryan does his best Schawrzenegger impression and laughs so
hard that spittle begins to cake my forehead. I wipe it away with my forearm.
“Hot, isn’t it?” questions Ryan, though he really isn’t looking for an answer. “You’re sweating… here,”
and he hands me a dried-up, somewhat crusty bandanna in the form of the American flag. I take it
politely, but cast it aside as Ryan lies back down.
“Can I ask you a question, Ryan Kesler?” I say as I shuffle my butt a few feet away from Ryan’s blanket.
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