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JOHN MAC KAH - Rapid River Magazine

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R A P I D R I V E R A R T S & C U L T U R E<br />

southern comfort<br />

A JOURNAL OF SHORT STORIES BY JUDY AUSLEY<br />

Older Birth Mothers: Silent Women in Society<br />

The way adoption stories are<br />

told on television and in the<br />

movies are absurd and far<br />

from the real story. Every<br />

single adoption does not turn<br />

out the way some people may imagine.<br />

It is not always sunshine and roses<br />

with this issue. Every story is different.<br />

And, mine was no different. I am a<br />

proud birth mother.<br />

I gave my son up to adoptive parents<br />

I never met. It was July in 1965.<br />

I never saw him at birth. There was<br />

no bonding between us like in normal<br />

deliveries.<br />

The silent secret of pregnancy<br />

out of marriage or “out of wedlock”<br />

was, in many families, just that. No<br />

one must ever know! (I can still hear<br />

my parents warning me.) Then, the<br />

big cover-up began for me until the<br />

unblessed event occurred.<br />

It took me moving to North<br />

Carolina to get away from that constant<br />

reminder from my family. As I grew<br />

and learned, we birth mothers have a<br />

world of sisterhood among us. Many of<br />

them are older than I am. After joining<br />

birth mother groups when I moved to<br />

Chapel Hill and became involved with<br />

like-minded women, I was secretive<br />

no longer. My life took on more of an<br />

advocate position and I started talking<br />

and writing about the issue.<br />

For all the birth mothers out<br />

there, whatever your situation may<br />

be, I want to share words from a letter<br />

I found recently in Dear Abby. The<br />

letter is written by a son who was adopted<br />

and is addressed to his biological<br />

mother who gave him life. It reads:<br />

“I would like to say something to<br />

my mother, although I do not know<br />

who my mother is. I was adopted<br />

when I was a baby. I have yet to find<br />

her but I have a message for her on<br />

Mother’s Day.<br />

“Mama, I don’t know the circumstances<br />

of my birth and I don’t really<br />

care. All I know is two loving parents<br />

adopted me and shaped me into what<br />

I am. Today I am successful and have<br />

a wife and children. I imagine that is<br />

what you wanted for me. Therefore, I<br />

have decided that I do not need to find<br />

you to say thank you. You made a good<br />

choice. I am doing fine and I love you.”<br />

Signed, “Your thankful son.”<br />

This letter really touched my<br />

soul. With all the years of wondering<br />

where my son was or if he was alive in<br />

this world, a letter such as that would<br />

have satisfied me immensely. But, I<br />

never received such a letter.<br />

Concerning my case, it was very<br />

hard in those days to get any information<br />

or records. I knew nothing, ever.<br />

It went on for years and yes, it affected<br />

my life. I always wondered and felt<br />

sad every single birthday he had.<br />

In 2000, I got a little money,<br />

enough to pay for a private investigator<br />

in Florida that I hired to search for my<br />

son. The searchers found his records in<br />

two days. He was in Jacksonville right<br />

where I always thought he would be.<br />

He was 30 years old and married with<br />

a son of his own. I became a mother<br />

and grandmother all on the same day<br />

when I got the call from Florida. I was<br />

ecstatic beyond words.<br />

The adoption records had been<br />

BY JUDY AUSLEY<br />

locked and sealed for years because,<br />

back then, it was pure humiliation for<br />

birth mothers to be involved in an<br />

adoption in Florida. We were called the<br />

Silent Women in society.<br />

But, be careful and do not assume<br />

anything if you have the experience I<br />

had. I haven’t heard from my son now<br />

for around three years, and that is not<br />

unusual for him. To say we have a great<br />

relationship would be a lie. I know<br />

where he is and a little about him, but<br />

I do not really know him. I probably<br />

won’t ever know him. Too many years<br />

have passed. But I know now I cannot<br />

cure every single thing that comes<br />

down the pike in life. I have learned<br />

there are some things that have no answers.<br />

You just have to take yourself in<br />

your own hands and reach a peace and<br />

understanding within yourself.<br />

I have done that for myself.<br />

Writer Judy<br />

Ausley has been<br />

a reporter with<br />

newspapers<br />

in NC for 40<br />

years. She<br />

retired in 2005<br />

and continues<br />

to freelance at her home in Asheville.<br />

She can be contacted by e-mail at<br />

Judyausley@aol.com. If you know a<br />

character in Asheville who has not had<br />

a conventional life, put them in touch<br />

with Judy for an article in this column,<br />

Southern Comfort.<br />

Pickin’ on the Porch<br />

Join us on Friday, May 6, from<br />

noon until 2 p.m., as we kick off<br />

the fourth season of Pickin’ on<br />

the Porch of the Old Kentucky<br />

Home. The series, hosted by the<br />

Thomas Wolfe Memorial State<br />

Historic Site, located at 52 N. Market<br />

Street, in Asheville, features<br />

some of the finest musicians<br />

in western North Carolina<br />

in informal performances<br />

on the front porch of the<br />

boyhood home of Thomas<br />

Wolfe, noted author of the<br />

classic American novel Look<br />

Homeward, Angel.<br />

Pickin’ 2011 gets underway<br />

with local favorites<br />

Paul’s Creek Band<br />

Carol Rifkin and the Paul’s Creek<br />

Band. Rifkin is an accomplished<br />

guitarist, vocalist and dancer. She is a<br />

regular on radio station WNCW and<br />

appeared in the film Songcatcher. The<br />

Paul’s Creek Band is Jamie Soesbee<br />

on bass; Troy Harrison on banjo; and<br />

Michael Pilgrim on fiddle.<br />

They appear regularly at<br />

festivals including MerleFest,<br />

LEAF, and the MountainSong<br />

Festival, performing<br />

a wide range of material<br />

from the American string<br />

band tradition.<br />

The series continues<br />

with three members of the<br />

Whitewater Bluegrass Company<br />

performing as the Time Bandits<br />

on Friday, June 3. On Friday, July 1,<br />

the Belfast Boys will perform traditional<br />

Irish music. Singer, banjo player, author<br />

and storyteller Sheila Kay Adams joins<br />

us on Friday, August 5.<br />

Pickin’ on the Porch of the Old<br />

Kentucky Home is free, family-friendly<br />

and open to the public, so bring a<br />

snack or lunch and enjoy two hours of<br />

the finest entertainment to be found<br />

in western North Carolina. Limited<br />

seating is available in the rockers on<br />

the front porch of the Old Kentucky<br />

Home, and there is room for chairs and<br />

blankets on the front lawn.<br />

IF<br />

YOU<br />

GO<br />

For more information go to<br />

www.wolfememorial.com or<br />

call (828) 253-8304.<br />

Vol. 14, No. 9 — RAPID RIVER ARTS & CULTURE MAGAZINE — May 2011 31

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