JOHN MAC KAH - Rapid River Magazine
JOHN MAC KAH - Rapid River Magazine
JOHN MAC KAH - Rapid River Magazine
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R A P I D R I V E R A R T S & C U L T U R E<br />
southern comfort<br />
A JOURNAL OF SHORT STORIES BY JUDY AUSLEY<br />
Older Birth Mothers: Silent Women in Society<br />
The way adoption stories are<br />
told on television and in the<br />
movies are absurd and far<br />
from the real story. Every<br />
single adoption does not turn<br />
out the way some people may imagine.<br />
It is not always sunshine and roses<br />
with this issue. Every story is different.<br />
And, mine was no different. I am a<br />
proud birth mother.<br />
I gave my son up to adoptive parents<br />
I never met. It was July in 1965.<br />
I never saw him at birth. There was<br />
no bonding between us like in normal<br />
deliveries.<br />
The silent secret of pregnancy<br />
out of marriage or “out of wedlock”<br />
was, in many families, just that. No<br />
one must ever know! (I can still hear<br />
my parents warning me.) Then, the<br />
big cover-up began for me until the<br />
unblessed event occurred.<br />
It took me moving to North<br />
Carolina to get away from that constant<br />
reminder from my family. As I grew<br />
and learned, we birth mothers have a<br />
world of sisterhood among us. Many of<br />
them are older than I am. After joining<br />
birth mother groups when I moved to<br />
Chapel Hill and became involved with<br />
like-minded women, I was secretive<br />
no longer. My life took on more of an<br />
advocate position and I started talking<br />
and writing about the issue.<br />
For all the birth mothers out<br />
there, whatever your situation may<br />
be, I want to share words from a letter<br />
I found recently in Dear Abby. The<br />
letter is written by a son who was adopted<br />
and is addressed to his biological<br />
mother who gave him life. It reads:<br />
“I would like to say something to<br />
my mother, although I do not know<br />
who my mother is. I was adopted<br />
when I was a baby. I have yet to find<br />
her but I have a message for her on<br />
Mother’s Day.<br />
“Mama, I don’t know the circumstances<br />
of my birth and I don’t really<br />
care. All I know is two loving parents<br />
adopted me and shaped me into what<br />
I am. Today I am successful and have<br />
a wife and children. I imagine that is<br />
what you wanted for me. Therefore, I<br />
have decided that I do not need to find<br />
you to say thank you. You made a good<br />
choice. I am doing fine and I love you.”<br />
Signed, “Your thankful son.”<br />
This letter really touched my<br />
soul. With all the years of wondering<br />
where my son was or if he was alive in<br />
this world, a letter such as that would<br />
have satisfied me immensely. But, I<br />
never received such a letter.<br />
Concerning my case, it was very<br />
hard in those days to get any information<br />
or records. I knew nothing, ever.<br />
It went on for years and yes, it affected<br />
my life. I always wondered and felt<br />
sad every single birthday he had.<br />
In 2000, I got a little money,<br />
enough to pay for a private investigator<br />
in Florida that I hired to search for my<br />
son. The searchers found his records in<br />
two days. He was in Jacksonville right<br />
where I always thought he would be.<br />
He was 30 years old and married with<br />
a son of his own. I became a mother<br />
and grandmother all on the same day<br />
when I got the call from Florida. I was<br />
ecstatic beyond words.<br />
The adoption records had been<br />
BY JUDY AUSLEY<br />
locked and sealed for years because,<br />
back then, it was pure humiliation for<br />
birth mothers to be involved in an<br />
adoption in Florida. We were called the<br />
Silent Women in society.<br />
But, be careful and do not assume<br />
anything if you have the experience I<br />
had. I haven’t heard from my son now<br />
for around three years, and that is not<br />
unusual for him. To say we have a great<br />
relationship would be a lie. I know<br />
where he is and a little about him, but<br />
I do not really know him. I probably<br />
won’t ever know him. Too many years<br />
have passed. But I know now I cannot<br />
cure every single thing that comes<br />
down the pike in life. I have learned<br />
there are some things that have no answers.<br />
You just have to take yourself in<br />
your own hands and reach a peace and<br />
understanding within yourself.<br />
I have done that for myself.<br />
Writer Judy<br />
Ausley has been<br />
a reporter with<br />
newspapers<br />
in NC for 40<br />
years. She<br />
retired in 2005<br />
and continues<br />
to freelance at her home in Asheville.<br />
She can be contacted by e-mail at<br />
Judyausley@aol.com. If you know a<br />
character in Asheville who has not had<br />
a conventional life, put them in touch<br />
with Judy for an article in this column,<br />
Southern Comfort.<br />
Pickin’ on the Porch<br />
Join us on Friday, May 6, from<br />
noon until 2 p.m., as we kick off<br />
the fourth season of Pickin’ on<br />
the Porch of the Old Kentucky<br />
Home. The series, hosted by the<br />
Thomas Wolfe Memorial State<br />
Historic Site, located at 52 N. Market<br />
Street, in Asheville, features<br />
some of the finest musicians<br />
in western North Carolina<br />
in informal performances<br />
on the front porch of the<br />
boyhood home of Thomas<br />
Wolfe, noted author of the<br />
classic American novel Look<br />
Homeward, Angel.<br />
Pickin’ 2011 gets underway<br />
with local favorites<br />
Paul’s Creek Band<br />
Carol Rifkin and the Paul’s Creek<br />
Band. Rifkin is an accomplished<br />
guitarist, vocalist and dancer. She is a<br />
regular on radio station WNCW and<br />
appeared in the film Songcatcher. The<br />
Paul’s Creek Band is Jamie Soesbee<br />
on bass; Troy Harrison on banjo; and<br />
Michael Pilgrim on fiddle.<br />
They appear regularly at<br />
festivals including MerleFest,<br />
LEAF, and the MountainSong<br />
Festival, performing<br />
a wide range of material<br />
from the American string<br />
band tradition.<br />
The series continues<br />
with three members of the<br />
Whitewater Bluegrass Company<br />
performing as the Time Bandits<br />
on Friday, June 3. On Friday, July 1,<br />
the Belfast Boys will perform traditional<br />
Irish music. Singer, banjo player, author<br />
and storyteller Sheila Kay Adams joins<br />
us on Friday, August 5.<br />
Pickin’ on the Porch of the Old<br />
Kentucky Home is free, family-friendly<br />
and open to the public, so bring a<br />
snack or lunch and enjoy two hours of<br />
the finest entertainment to be found<br />
in western North Carolina. Limited<br />
seating is available in the rockers on<br />
the front porch of the Old Kentucky<br />
Home, and there is room for chairs and<br />
blankets on the front lawn.<br />
IF<br />
YOU<br />
GO<br />
For more information go to<br />
www.wolfememorial.com or<br />
call (828) 253-8304.<br />
Vol. 14, No. 9 — RAPID RIVER ARTS & CULTURE MAGAZINE — May 2011 31