o_18vdqvms01tdp1ck54q91frg17mg2d.pdf
hand. "You will recover—I know that now, and I'm glad. But you aren't there. Not yet. Losing someone you care about is never easy." My eyes dropped from his and studied the floor. "It's my fault," I said in a small voice. "Hmm?" "Mason. Getting killed." I didn't have to see Dimitri's face to know compassion was filling it. "Oh, Roza. No. You made some bad decisions…you should have told others when you knew he was gone…but you can't blame yourself. You didn't kill him." Tears brimmed in my eyes as I looked back up. "I might as well have. The whole reason he went there—it was my fault. We had a fight…and I told him about the Spokane thing, even though you asked me not to…." One tear leaked out of the corner of my eye. Really, I needed to learn to stop that. Just as my mother had, Dimitri delicately wiped the tear off my cheek. "You can't blame yourself for that," he told me. "You can regret your decisions and wish you'd done things differently, but in the end, Mason made his decisions too. That was what he chose to do. It was his decision in the end, no matter your original role." When Mason had come back for me, I realized, he'd let his feelings for me get in the way. It was what Dimitri had always feared, that if he and I had any sort of relationship, it would put us—and any Moroi we protected—in danger. "I just wish I'd been able to … I don't know, do anything…" Swallowing back further tears, I pulled my hands from Dimitri's and stood up before I could say something stupid. "I should go," I said thickly. "Let me know when you want to start practice again. And thanks for … talking." I started to turn; then I heard him say abruptly, "No."
I glanced back. "What?" He held my gaze, and something warm and wonderful and powerful shot between us. "No," he repeated. "I told her no. Tasha." "I …" I shut my mouth before my jaw hit the floor. "But…why? That was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. You could have had a baby. And she … she was, you know, into you…." The ghost of a smile flickered on his face. "Yes, she was. Is. And that's why I had to say no. I couldn't return that…couldn't give her what she wanted. Not when…" He took a few steps toward me. "Not when my heart is somewhere else." I almost started crying again. "But you seemed so into her. And you kept going on about how young I acted." "You act young," he said, "because you are young. But you know things, Roza. Things people older than you don't even know. That day …" I knew instantly which day he referred to. The one up against the wall. "You were right, about how I fight to stay in control. No one else has ever figured that out— and it scared me. You scare me." "Why? Don't you want anyone to know?" He shrugged. "Whether they know that fact or not doesn't matter. What matters is that someone—that you—know me that well. When a person can see into your soul, it's hard. It forces you to be open. Vulnerable. It's much easier being with someone who's just more of a casual friend." "Like Tasha." "Tasha Ozera is an amazing woman. She's beautiful and she's brave. But she doesn't—" "She doesn't get you," I finished. He nodded. "I knew that. But I still wanted the relationship. I knew it would be easy and that she could take me away from you. I thought she could make me forget you." I'd thought the same thing about Mason. "But she couldn't."
- Page 196 and 197: We turned and walked down a narrow
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- Page 200 and 201: each other's gaze for several momen
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- Page 204 and 205: Isaiah smoothed his shirt—not tha
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- Page 218 and 219: I held his gaze, willing him to und
- Page 220 and 221: One of the guards shoved Christian.
- Page 222 and 223: in my combat class. He grunted at t
- Page 224 and 225: He sighed. "I hope … I hope when
- Page 226 and 227: "Children, children," crooned Isaia
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- Page 230 and 231: Suddenly, I heard an explosion. The
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- Page 236 and 237: "Rose," said my mother. For once in
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- Page 240 and 241: It was only half a compliment, but
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- Page 248: "Yes. And, so … that's a problem.
I glanced back. "What?"<br />
He held my gaze, and something warm and wonderful and powerful shot between us.<br />
"No," he repeated. "I told her no. Tasha."<br />
"I …" I shut my mouth before my jaw hit the floor. "But…why? That was a once-in-a-lifetime<br />
thing. You could have had a baby. And she … she was, you know, into you…."<br />
The ghost of a smile flickered on his face. "Yes, she was. Is. And that's why I had to say no. I<br />
couldn't return that…couldn't give her what she wanted. Not when…" He took a few steps<br />
toward me. "Not when my heart is somewhere else."<br />
I almost started crying again. "But you seemed so into her. And you kept going on about how<br />
young I acted."<br />
"You act young," he said, "because you are young. But you know things, Roza. Things people<br />
older than you don't even know. That day …" I knew instantly which day he referred to. The<br />
one up against the wall. "You were right, about how I fight to stay in control. No one else has<br />
ever figured that out— and it scared me. You scare me."<br />
"Why? Don't you want anyone to know?"<br />
He shrugged. "Whether they know that fact or not doesn't matter. What matters is that<br />
someone—that you—know me that well. When a person can see into your soul, it's hard. It<br />
forces you to be open. Vulnerable. It's much easier being with someone who's just more of a<br />
casual friend."<br />
"Like Tasha."<br />
"Tasha Ozera is an amazing woman. She's beautiful and she's brave. But she doesn't—"<br />
"She doesn't get you," I finished.<br />
He nodded. "I knew that. But I still wanted the relationship. I knew it would be easy and that<br />
she could take me away from you. I thought she could make me forget you."<br />
I'd thought the same thing about Mason. "But she couldn't."
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