Eagle River 11 July 15 2014

Welcome to:
11
Table Trivia
Sherri Sapp
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1

Blonde Jokes
• Raw Gold
• Precious Metals
• Any Jewelry
You Can Pawn
or Sell to Me!
Why couldn’t the blonde add 10 and seven on
a calculator?
A: She couldn’t find the 10 key.
What’s it called when a blonde blows in another
blonde’s ear?
A: Data transfer.
How can you tell a blonde’s been using the
computer?
A: There’s white-out all over the screen.
A blonde complains to a brunette friend that
her Internet is down.
The brunette friend offers to let the blonde
check her e-mail at her house.
“That’s OK,” says the blonde. “Why don’t
you check it and forward me what I got?”
What does a blonde do when her computer
freezes?
She sticks it in the microwave.
Q.Why does it take so long to make a blonde
snowman??
A.You need to hollow out the head!!
Q: What do you call a dead blonde in a
closet?
2
A: The 1989 hide and go seek champion.

18 Holes
My husband, an avid golf player couldn’t
help challenging my boastful son to
a game of golf. He was in for quite a
surprise when on the first swing my son
got a hole in one. “OK” my quick-thinking
husband said while subtlety winking at
me “now, I will take my practice shot, and
then we will start.”
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Fishing Trips
Remote Cabins
Iditarod Trips
After I waited patiently while my husband
played a round of golf on our 18th
wedding anniversary he and I went out to
dinner at a lovely restaurant. We discussed
many happy memories we’ve shared
during the years. Then I said “Want to go
for another 18?” “no” he replied “I think
it’s too dark now.”
A golfer hits a huge slice off the first
tee. The ball soars over a fence and onto
a highway, where it hits a car, which
promptly crashes into a tree.
The stunned golfer rushes into the golf
shop and shouts, “Help! Help! I just hit a
terrible slice off the first tee and hit a car
and it crashed. What should I do?”
And the pro says, “Try a slightly stronger
grip.”
On the phone with a golf buddy who has
asked him to play, a guy says: “I am the
master of my home and can play golf
whenever I want. But hold on a minute
while I find out if I want to.”
3

6
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in the Providence Building, across from SBS and Fred Meyer
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they cancel each other out.
3. When eating with Baseball
someone else, calories
don't count if you both eat the same
amount.
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes have
no calories. This includes any chocolate
used for energy, Sara Humor!!
Lee cheesecake (eaten
Nathan:
whole), and
What
Haagen-Dazs
did the baseball
ice cream.
glove say to
the ball?
Kyle:
5. Movie-related
I’m stumped.
foods are much lower in
Nathan: “Catch ya later!”
calories simply because they are a part of
Michael: the entertainment Why are some experience umpires and fat? not part
Andrew: of one's personal Tell me fuel. This includes (but
Michael: They always clean their plate!
is not limited to) Milk Duds, popcorn
Chris: with butter, Which Junior baseball Mints, player Snickers, holds water? and
John: Gummi I don’t Bears. know. Which one?
Chris: The pitcher.
6. Cookie pieces contain no calories
A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound,
because the process of breakage causes
so the catcher walked out to have a talk with
him. calorie “I’ve leakage. figured out your problem,” he told
the pitcher. “You always lose control at the
same 7. If you point eat in the every food game.” off someone “When else's is that?”
“Right plate, it after doesn't the count. national anthem.”
Matthew: 8. If you eat How standing do baseball up the players calories keep all go in
touch?
your feet and get walked off.
Connor: I don’t know. How?
Matthew: They touch base every once in a
9. Food eaten at Christmas parties has 0
while.
calories, courtesy of Santa.
Tanner: What do baseball players use to bake
a 10. cake? STRESSED is just DESSERTS
Pedro: spelled I backward. don’t know. What?
Tanner: Oven MITTS, BUNT pans and
BATTER.
4

Ways To Maintain A
Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your
Parked Car With Sunglasses on and
Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.
See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom.
Don’t Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You
To Do Something, Ask If They Want
Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your
Desk And Label It “In.”
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker
For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has
Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions,
Switch To Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your
Checks, Write “Drug Money”
7. Finish All Your Sentences With
“In Accordance With The Prophecy.”
8. Don’t Use Any Punctuation
Have the most current issue sent to
your e-mail each month!
Email us at
production@dashcorp.biz
with “Eagle River issues!”
5

DOLPHINS
•The dolphin is the only mammal that
gives birth with the tail first instead of
the head.
6
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Eagle River, AK
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•Dolphins don’t smell very well.
Alaska Fun Facts
•Young dolphins will remain with
their mother for a period of 2 or 3
years.
The Sitka spruce is the official state tree. The
Territorial Legislature adopted it in 1962.
•There are two stomachs for dolphins
just
Dog
like
mushing
for cows.
is the official
The first
state
one
sport.
stores
The
Alaska Legislature adopted it in 1972.
the food for them and the second one
is where digestion takes place.
An unnamed draftsman created the state seal
in 1910. It consists of a rising sun shining on
forests, lake, fishing and shipping boats, and
agricultural and mining activities.
•A dolphin may be able to dive up to
1,000 feet.
The state motto is North to the Future.
•The dorsal fin on every dolphin is
The jade is the official state gemstone.
very unique and it can be used to
identify them from each other.
Gold is the official state mineral. It was named
the state mineral in 1968.
•Dolphins can swim at a speed of up
to 25 miles per hour for a long time.
This is about 3 times faster than the
fastest humans in the world.
The four-spot skimmer dragonfly is the official
state insect.
In 1926 13-year-old Bennie Benson from
Cognac, Alaska designed the state flag.
• Alaska has been called America's Last
Frontier.
•The average lifespan of a dolphin is
17
Every
years.
four
However,
years Alaskans
some
elect
of
a Governor
them that
and a Lieutenant Governor to four-year terms.
have been observed in the wild lived
about 50 years.
The Alaska State Legislature is made up of a
Senate and a House of Representatives.
Twenty senators are elected to four-year terms;

BENJAMIN
“FRANKLIN
“Either write something worth reading or
do something worth writing.”
“
“They who can give up essential liberty
to obtain a little temporary safety deserve
neither liberty nor safety.”
“Three may keep a secret, if two of them
are dead.”
“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may
remember, involve me and I learn.”
“He that can have patience can have what
he will.”
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“A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned”
“Fear not death for the sooner we die, the
longer we shall be immortal.”
“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is
Freedom, in water there is bacteria.”
“You may delay, but time will not.”
“I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100
ways to do it wrong.”
“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”
“We are all born ignorant, but one must
work hard to remain stupid.”
― Benjamin Franklin
7

AT WORK
8
“Constructing Alaska for 30 Years”
Commercial & Residential Construction
Pre-Engeneered Metal Buildings
Hangar Homes
Horseplay Acres (Build-to-Suit Residential Lots)
THE BOSS ASKED FOR A
LETTER DESCRIBING
BOB SMITH:
Bob Smith, my assistant
programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob
works independently, without
wasting company time talking
to colleagues. Bob never thinks
twice about assisting fellow
employees, and he always finishes
given assignments on time. Often
Bob takes extended measures to
complete his work, sometimes
skipping coffee breaks. Bob is
a dedicated individual who has
absolutely no vanity in spite of his
high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly
believe that Bob can be classed as
a high-caliber employee, the type
which cannot be dispensed with.
Consequently, I duly recommend
that Bob be promoted to executive
management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.
Sd/-
Project Leader
2014