Polyparty-ism - Search for Common Ground

I have become a sick
patient „for my own sake“
Aleksandra Tanurova
"My name is Aleksandra Tanurova.
I am 27. I graduated as a journalist by
profession. I have a problem with brain
impotence. In fact, my problem is that
my blood pressure is too low and my
brain cells are starved."
This was my address to a group of
people with the same or similar problem.
The group was multiethnic (I was
told to emphasize this, so it can be
noted that the virus that causes brain
impotence does not discriminate by
ethnicity). Each member of the group
presented his or her problem. The
group was led by top psychoanalysts,
who sat aside and monitored us. They
measured every word we said. They
measured every one of our movements,
every glance, the tempo of our breathing.
They took our pulse. They said
that this was for our own sake! That it's
the only way they can be sure to prescribe
the right therapy.
Until a while ago, I was not even
aware that I needed assistance. Most of
the group shared my opinion. I am not
in a condition to think. Someone else is
doing that for me. I am here to be
helped. For my own sake! The psychoanalysts
are here with us. Or we are
here for them. Doctor would never be
doctors if they had no patients. So, if
they have none-they will create them.
Everyone must do something.
Before I was sent to psychoanalysis,
I thought I was quite normal. Until
then I had not noticed that I acted
weird. I did not act aggressively or
destructively and I was not paranoid. In
fact, that's not how I act today, but the
experts told me that this behaviour was
all latent, hidden deep inside of me and
sooner or later it would come out.
Therefore, it's better to prevent than to
cure.
At the beginning, according to the
agenda, they asked me when my brain
impotence first started. I said I had
never had such a problem, that I feel
quite healthy. Obviously, they were
ready for such an answer. They immediately
said that no one who is ill
admits he's ill.
The second question was, "Am I
afraid of war?" I had not thought about
the subject until then. I figured war was
something that should be learned in a
history class, something that is happening
far away from here, to someone
else. I had seen shocking video-recordings
and I knew that both sides in the
conflict had realized that they lost more
than they gained. And as I was searching
my brain to find what I knew about
war, I heard strong blasts and I saw
shocking images. As I was shaking
from fear, I heard one of the experts
say, "Hah! You are afraid, you are
afraid!" I was scared to death. I felt my
blood freezing, my guts going up and
down, and my eyes filled with tears. I
wanted to shout but my voice was
gone. At first I felt embarrassed, but
when I realized that everyone in my
group had the same symptoms I felt
relieved. Then they put in my file that I
am not egoistic, that I share my feelings
with the rest of the group and that I act
appropriately. That was my first positive
mark!
The group had many members but
that did not keep us from taking the
sessions seriously. We split into two
groups, so the experts could pay equal
attention to everyone. Both groups participated
in the work equally, but one
against the other. The exercises were
similar to the games that the kids from
your neighbourhood play. "You want
war," or "Bang, bang," or something
like the computer strategy games,
where you first demolish and then you
build. For our sake, they say, because in
this manner we challenge our capabili-
Now I am a
flexible
person
made from
rubber who
can reach
down to the
bottom and
stand up
again by
inertia, a
plant that
vegetates
and survives
thanks only
to photosynthesis
51
Youth and crisis, October 2001