Polyparty-ism - Search for Common Ground

Has anyone asked what a high
school student dreams about?
Elena Mancheva
The several months of military
clashes in my country has destroyed
my strength. The enthusiasm of a
high school girl who hopes to realize
her dreams is jealously hidden deep
in her soul.
I am afraid for my future. I am
afraid of the prognoses of the world
politicians. I am afraid of the evil
voices I hear day after day, as if death
has come to my country.
I used to sing, to smile, to enjoy
life, and now I have forgotten even to
weep, because tears would mean that
I had surrendered.
The bitter tears would mean that
I had given in to my destiny and
that I have covered with a black veil
all that used to be glorious and mystical
for me. Still, there is always a
ray of hope that forces me to go on
in life and to not give in to the evil
forces that hang over my country.
There is a hope that I will be back
in class and that I will again see my
friends, finding my way through the
sweet puzzles that high school life
brings.
The life we live today is life
under occupation. Depression fills
the conscience of youth, accompanied
by a sense of hopelessness and
absence of perspective. The economy
is becoming weaker and weaker, the
army of unemployed persons grows
sky-high, and those who have jobs
receive a minimum or no salary for
months. Many enterprises have gone
bankrupt; layoffs are happening
every day…
What kind of a choice do young
Deep in my heart I feel
that this small country
will raise itself high and
make all my dreams
come true
people have? What do I talk about
with my friends abroad when the rest
of the world is so far ahead of us?
How? I wanted to do so much. I
wanted to go on high school trips. I
have listened to so many stories
about these trips from the older generations
and my classmates, and I
constantly dreamed about these trips.
What now?
I will probably never know why
these trips are so special. The school
bus will never depart from my school
because human life is above every
other value. Because each one of us
if afraid that somewhere in those
mountains we will hear gunfire or
explosions, and the survivors would
say, "it was just a landmine."
I am already used to living in a
country where violence is normal,
and killings and military clashes are
"simply" an ordinary matter for the
state leadership and political leaders
who are obviously unable to resolve
the existing problems, because they
see only their political careers. Their
participation in the government is a
privilege, a chance for the realization
of their personal interests, and a goal
to be reached for themselves and not
for the citizens.
I must learn how to think in a
more rational and mature manner. I
do not know how good I am at doing
that, because at the age of 17, I am
trying to face an unusual situation
where beauty is
excluded and children
do not dance and sing
freely as they used to
when we lived in
peace. I am trying to
act in a manner that is
rational and mature. I
want to remember that
I cannot take everything
for granted as I
used to. I am trying to
understand that my
family is in a difficult
economic situation
and that my parents
are concerned about my future more
then ever. I do not want to make the
situation in my family more difficult
by my behaviour. That is at the place
where I want at least to feel peace.
But is that possible without pretending?
Can I ignore the fact that I do not
live in a peaceful country, that this is
no longer Macedonia where I used to
sing loudly because it offered me
49
Youth and crisis, October 2001