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Calling time on past relationships. This month, I am focusing on the topic, -The fear of regret. The irony is that no matter how contented we are with our present lives, family or partner, there will always be a part of us still curious about the past, especially our previous relationships. We wonder, for example, how our previous partners or friends are faring without us and what it would be like to re-establish the relationship once more. Like memories frozen in time, we are still seduced by half- remembered relationships which like fantasies always appear shinier, less problematic and more desirable than any current reality can be. Commonly known as the “what if?” syndrome, this curiosity ignites the child in us and binds us either consciously or unconsciously to the past. Although there is a degree of irrationality about this behaviour, it is the fear of regret – of lost opportunities and possibilities – that makes some of us take the risk and want what we can’t have. Given today’s social networking forums, it is easy to be drawn back into past relationships, but the outcome may not be what we expect. There is always a price to pay. Needless to say, jealousy can easily arise, especially the knowledge that our partner was once happy in someone else’s arms, and it can threaten to ruin the present. Our lives can become bittersweet when the past and present collide, as Mark and Jeanette have experienced. Responding to his ex’s text messages may be encouraging her into thinking that there is still some chemistry between them that can be reignited. Rather than give him an ultimatum, (which could backfire on you), I think you should continue to make your displeasure known especially your unease with the situation. You should remind him that he is now in a loving relationship with you and this should be his priority. However, should he choose to chase a “ghost from his past”, you should take this as a sign to head for the nearest exit. Don’t waste your time and happiness on someone who clearly does not respect you as a person or your feelings. Jennifer Dear Jennifer, I have been with my girlfriend for 3 months now and I care deeply for her. However, on a recent stay over, I found out that she still sleeps with a teddy bear, given to her by her former love. Also, she has kept every gift he has given her and she has lots of photos of him on her computer and laptop. Is this something that all women do or do I have the right to put my foot down? She is my first serious lover and I don’t want to jeopardise our relationship with my jealousy. Inexperienced Mark In association with Costa Cálida International Radio and www.angloINFO.com Page 76 Dear Jennifer, My boyfriend is still very good friends with one of his ex-girlfriends. When I first went out with him, she was very jealous and kept bombarding him with lots of text messages. I have asked him not to stay in touch with her, but he refused and keeps on messaging her. She treated him badly and cheated on him frequently, but he seems to have forgotten this heartache and reminisces on the good times they shared together. I was there by his side to pick up the pieces and have put a lot into this relationship. I find his actions disrespectful and have spoken to him about it but he dismisses it, claiming that I am being unreasonable. Now she is asking to meet up with him and I am annoyed. My boyfriend still regards her as a good friend and sees nothing wrong with meeting up with her, for “old time’s sake”. Should I allow my suspicions to get the better of me? Jeanette Dear Jeanette, You are right to be suspicious, especially as he is disrespectful of your feelings about the situation, but short of putting him on a short leash, it is difficult to prevent him from seeing her, if he so wishes. I am sure you would not want to hear his empty promises or to find out later of any clandestine meeting between your boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend. People will do what they want to do, with or without approval from their better half. In any relationship, there needs to be a balance between trust and jealousy, which can be difficult at the best of times. Dear Mark, Firstly, I don’t think that it is the norm for all women in general, to keep mementos from previous lovers. Having said that, there are some women who choose to keep hold of keepsakes because it still holds memories that are dear to them. I think the more pertinent question you should be asking yourself is, - “Is she ready to move on with her life, in a new relationship with you?” Secondly, if her behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable then you should have an open and honest discussion with her and give her the opportunity to air her views. She may not be ready to move on with her life, in which you will need to decide if you willing to continue to put up with her behaviour. On the other hand, she may not have given much thought to her actions and may be unaware of your hurt feelings. My best advice is, - listen to your heart but let your head take lead of your decisions. In other words, be rational, not emotional and decide what is best for you. Jennifer Jennifer Rahman is a life coach and holistic therapist. If you would like Jennifer to answer any of your problems, please email her at jennifer@lifemaxxinternational. com. Confidentiality is respected and no details are shared or sold to third parties. Please tell our customers where you saw their advertisement in the Costa Cálida Chronicle To place an advertisement with us please see page 5 or contact Teresa 619 199 407 www.costacalidachronicle.com email: costacalidachronicle@gmail.com
On Saturday April 14 th The Darwinian Gardeners held a Garden Party at Cortijo Raja, Morata. The rain which had threatened all week held off, but high winds meant that many games had to be abandoned, and stall holders retreated to the shelter of the terraces around the house. More than a hundred visitors enjoyed refreshments with a variety of home made cakes, as well as burgers, hot dogs and ice creams from the English ice cream van. As well as various craft stalls, cake stall, plant stall and plant Tombola, other attractions included the photo competition, chain saw sharpening demonstration, and Songs from “Oliver” by the Harlequins. A very enjoyable afternoon which raised more than 500€ for La Asociacion Espanola Contra Cancer. (Spanish Cancer Research) Our next event is a trip to the Palm Museum and Huerta del Cura Garden at Elche on May 5 th . There are still some seats available. To reserve your place or for any other information email darwiniangardeners@ gmail.com or phone 669338885 Please tell our customers where you saw their advertisement in the Costa Cálida Chronicle To place an advertisement with us please see page 5 or contact Teresa 619 199 407 www.costacalidachronicle.com email: costacalidachronicle@gmail.com Page 77 In association with Costa Cálida International Radio and www.angloINFO.com
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