here - The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

J DFM 2.2 (2012): 80-82
Equipping the Generations:
How to Relate to Your In-Laws
for the Glory of God and the
Good of your Family
BLAKE T. RING
Blake T. Ring
(Ph.D. The
Southern
Baptist
Theological
Seminary) is
the Pastor of
Evangelism and Education
at Ninth and O Baptist
Church in Louisville, KY.
He and Lydia married in
2005 and they have three
children: Will (5), Riley (3),
and Emery (2). Blake is a
fan of St. Louis Cardinal
baseball, Fighting Illini
basketball, cookie dough,
jogging, and orphan care.
Lydia and I married in 2005. Since
then we have never lived more than
seven miles from my wife’s parents. My
father-in-law and I have also worked
on the same church staff since 2004.
While some may view my relationship
with my in-laws as a little too close
for comfort, it has been a tremendous
blessing for my wife and me and our
now three children. But I can’t tell you
how many times I’ve been asked, “So,
what’s it really like living so close to
your in-laws and working with your
father-in-law?” I often feel like I’m
expected to provide them with some
lowdown, insider information, but I
usually respond, “It’s great,” because
it is.
As a Google search of “in-law
jokes” reveals, relationships with inlaws
are infamous for their strenuous
nature. This strain is often rooted in
the fact that well-established strings
of dependency upon parents are not
properly severed following the wedding. My fatherin-law
officiated our wedding, and as a wedding gift,
he scripted our vows (it wasn’t by coincidence that my
vows were twice as long). In my vows, I promised to be
the primary caretaker of Lydia since she was now under
my headship (Gen 2:24; Eph 5:23). This transfer of
headship from parents to husband, commonly referred
to as leaving and cleaving, is easier said than done.
Much like a tightrope walker on a high-wire (minus
the dramatic falling to one’s death aspect), honoring
parents following the “I dos” requires a skillful balance
that most newlywed couples lack. As any married couple
can attest, it’s tough to walk the tightrope of leaving
parents without withdrawing from them, and at the
same time being willing to accept their advice without
being overly dependent upon it. (Of course, parents face
analogous challenges from their vantage point.) Balance
will inevitably be lost, resulting in built-up tension, hurt
feelings, and strained relationships.
My relationship with my in-laws is not perfect and
apologies have been exchanged through the years, but
I get the distinct impression our relationship is healthier
than most. I attribute our close and simultaneously
comfortable relationship primarily to the godly wisdom
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