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main character of the grand story, has already won the
victory over Satan, sin, and death. Parenting in light of
the story helps us to see that each of our children is more
than our kid. They are all actual or potential brothers
and sisters in Christ. We must help kids gravitate toward
who they are called to be in Christ—chosen, adopted,
redeemed, sealed, and given an inheritance—rather
than who they are accused of being by the world, their
sinful nature, and the Devil. The church community
also plays a vital part in the identity-forming process.
It strengthens kids’ identities through the richness of
worship and rhythms of celebration and remembering
(cf. pages 92-95 for ideas). Christian kids find a reprieve
in the faith community from their mission as “aliens”
amongst lost friends–time to be with others who are
“not of this world” so that they can continue to live with
faith and conviction in it.
Practically speaking, Anthony recommends praying
blessings over your kids as a practical means of
forming identity (77-78). This is a great suggestion
because it phrases “identity promises” in the form of a
prayer. One potential danger of identity language (that
Anthony doesn’t mention) is giving children who are
not yet Christians false assurances—potentially encouraging
children to trust their parent’s promises rather
than Jesus’ promises. As parents, we should recognize
that there is a need for “come to Jesus” moments where
we call our children to embrace an identity that they
have not only merely forgotten but have not yet ever
embraced (cf. the section “Messengers of Good News”
on pages 195–96).
3 Missional Environments (Service, Out of the Comfort
Zone, Responsibility). A servant heart is always ready
to ask the question, “What needs to be done?” and say,
“This is my responsibility.” The Holy Spirit often uses
service, responsibility, and movement away from personal
comforts to cultivate a view of our lives as living
and radical sacrifices generously given away for Christ’s
cause. At my local church, we don’t use the term “volunteers”
but instead have adopted the term “servants” for
all of our children’s ministry workers. However, I hadn’t
thought of applying this same principle to the home
until reading Anthony’s suggestion of replacing “chores”
with “acts of service.”
The Environment of Course Correction. Anthony
gives an excellent and redemptive treatment of discipline
based on Hebrews 12:11-13 as well as insights
from Dallas Willard. Biblical discipline for a child
encompasses (a) a season of pain, (b) an opportunity
to build up in love, and (c) a vision of a corrected path
with the purpose of healing at its core–making certain
to communicate that we need God’s help to change
(158–64).
One of the greatest dangers in any parenting book
is the temptation to think that the methods presented
are full proof: “If I do this, then my kids will turn out
right.” This temptation could be particularly strong for
the reader on page 164: “The final piece of this discipline
journey is that, later on, this corrective path produces
a harvest of righteousness and peace. This is part
of the beautiful outcome.” It is important to point out
that the words, “to those who have been trained by it,
afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness,”
in Hebrews 12:11 are a general principle for discipline.
They do not guarantee that every child will be receptive
to training. As Leslie Leyland-Fields has written (“The
Myth of the Perfect Parent: Why the Best Parenting
Techniques Don’t Produce Christian Children,” Christianity
Today, Jan. 8, 2010), perfect parenting does not
make perfect children. God is the perfect Father, but
He has many prodigal children, and many of them will
never return home. We can, however, have confidence
that the gospel will bear fruit (Col 1:6) and should
remember that another important step in discipline is
prayer. Parents must pray that God will be gracious to
allow their discipline to be truly corrective by changing
their kids’ hearts.
3 Environments for Spiritual Formation (Love and
Respect, Knowing, Modeling). Children need an environment
of love and respect in order to be free to both
receive God’s grace and to be gracious toward others.
An environment of unconditional love (where love is
not withheld because of behavior) helps children to see
God’s love “while we were yet sinners” (Rom 5:8). In
this environment, children will learn that they can be
fully known by God and yet also fully loved by him.
Parents who are personally loving and learning to know
God more create an environment that upholds and
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