here - The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary
here - The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary here - The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary
First Establish Guidelines What should a church do when a daughter of a family in the church becomes pregnant? Many people do not know how to react. Often they are at a loss to know whether to congratulate the prospective grandparents or avoid a touchy subject. They don’t know whether to speak to the pregnant teen with enthusiasm about her coming child or ignore the matter. They don’t know whether to express joy or grief. They think that if they express joy, then they are condoning sin. But if they keep quiet and say nothing then they feel that they have let the family down. When the expectant mother’s situation becomes physically obvious, it often becomes a juicy morsel of gossip. People will take the liberty to express their concern or opinions to one another without any intention of becoming a part of the solution. Many times young women drop out of church as their bodies change shape so that they can avoid the stigma and guilt. They don’t want to be the focus of gossip and scorn. Thus gossip destroys a church’s ability to minister. We must avoid the confusion and helplessness that lead to destructive, condemning talk. We can do this by establishing a policy that includes guidelines for loving involvement. But because “everybody’s business is nobody’s business,” the church must appoint individuals to carry out these ministry goals. Unless someone is assigned to pursue the restoration process, the pregnant teen could slip through the cracks. In addition, the elders or leaders of the local church should discuss its position on the whole issue of unwed pregnancy. They should draft a mission statement based on Scripture. These guidelines should be communicated to the church body. Then each case can be handled according to the guidelines, without partiality. The Importance of a Mission Statement Here is an example of a mission statement for ministering to single teen moms: Our church, in the manner of Jesus Christ, extends grace to those who have become pregnant out of wedlock. We do not condone the sin, but we offer the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. We will seek to minister to each one through the following means: 1. Provide a counselor (a spiritually mature woman and possibly her husband) to meet with the pregnant teen and if possible, the father of the baby, and give her/them biblical counsel that would include steps for repentance and restoration. 2. If repentance follows, they are assured of forgiveness. Then a supportive church body will seek to minister to her/them in the needs of the coming baby and will pledge to support her/them through prayer. 3. A mentor, as the Lord provides, will give continuing care, loving support, and ongoing discipleship. 4. A church shower will be given, under the condition that the mother is willing to forsake the sin of fornication and continue in the fellowship of the church. 5. Follow out the process of church discipline as found in Matthew 18 if she is a member and unrepentant and the same for the father of the baby. Appoint a Counselor The church elders or leaders should seek out and appoint a compassionate, godly woman who has a burden for ministering to teen mothers. Older women are commanded to disciple and counsel the younger women within the church; they are given very specific guidelines as to how to do this (Titus 2:3-5). If you want to be involved in this kind of ministry, tell your leaders of your desire. If you are married, it would be helpful if your husband wants to become involved as well so you can work as a team in certain situations. The Church as a Haven for Teen Moms The congregation must be informed through the church leaders that the pregnancy is not a matter for consternation and gossip, but rather is an opportunity for involvement. Women within the church can be appointed or may volunteer to be counselors or mentors. Great joy results when the body is assured that people are involved in the young mother’s life, confronting her, helping restore her to a walk with God, and seeking to minister to the needs of the whole family. The church members are able to rejoice because they are free to encourage her without fear that they are condoning her sin. They can rejoice openly and praise her for making the right choice of not aborting the baby. She can be encouraged that 46
God can use this situation in her life for good, and that this coming child will be a blessing as she continues to make the right choices. And those who do not choose to be directly involved can be reminded of their responsibility to lend loving support and prayer. Through all this the church becomes a haven in the storm—a haven desperately needed by the single teen mom. A PRACTICAL EXAMPLE So that we can see how this kind of ministry takes place, let’s look at a case study. Imagine that you are Jan, the counselor, who is the catalyst for bringing help and hope in this situation. Stacy grew up in the church. After dating a sophomore at the local junior college for two months and becoming sexually active, she found out that she was pregnant. Stacy knew that her boyfriend was not interested in marrying her right then, and she didn’t know what to do. Stacy had asked Jesus into her heart when she was very young and even though she had not been walking closely with her Savior, she knew that she belonged to Christ. She felt tremendously guilty about what she had done and didn’t know who she could talk to. She avoided her parents at all costs, retreating to her room and her loud stereo whenever she was at home. She felt bad about disappointing her parents, and her church family. Sometimes she thought that abortion was the best option because then no one would know about her sin and she could go on with her life. But she knew that the guilt of having an abortion would devastate her. So Stacy decided to have her baby and keep the child because the other options—abortion and adoption—were unthinkable to her. When she could wait no longer, Stacy got up the nerve and told her parents. “I can’t believe you would do this to us,” Stacy’s father shouted. “After all we’ve done for you, giving you everything that you could want, raising you in the church, teaching you right and wrong; you should know better! I’ll be disgraced in front of the whole church! You haven’t told anyone else yet, have you?” Stacy shook her head between sobs as her mother, Sarah, tried to comfort her. “You better not until you’ve moved out! No daughter of mine is going to be an unwed mom! You can move out! You made your bed; now you can lie in it!” the distraught father screamed as he slammed the door on his way out. “John, how can you say such things?” Sarah shouted after him. “You know he doesn’t mean it, honey,” Stacy’s mother said soothingly while crying tears of disappointment and compassion. After the ordeal with her parents, Stacy felt even more desolate. She confided in her best friend, Laurie, for support. Laurie knew that the church had some kind of policy for helping teen moms, so she called the pastor to get his help. He then contacted the woman who had been appointed as a counselor over this ministry. Ministering to the Teen Mom After Jan, the counselor, got off the phone with the pastor, she reviewed the ministry’s purpose statement from Galatians 6:1: ”Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted.” After prayer for guidance and a time of self-evaluation, Jan contacted Stacy to let her know that she wanted to help her, not condemn her. She wanted to help her be restored to fellowship with Christ and the local body of believers. Jan used utmost grace when the time came for her to meet Stacy. She took Stacy a rosebud—showing her the care and concern of the church family. She then told Stacy that God is the author of life. She read Psalm 139:15 to her which depicts how God forms the child growing in her womb. She told her that although God is the author of life and that he is not responsible for her sin ( James 1:13f ). But, as she deals with it God’s way, He can use this situation for good in her life. Jan assured Stacy that the church wanted to minister to her at this time in a special way. Jan then lovingly spoke to Stacy about forgiveness. Because of her knowledge of God’s Word, Stacy realized that what she had done was wrong. Jan showed Stacy Jesus’ response to the woman caught in adultery in John 8:1-11. She pointed out that Jesus showed compassion and grace to the woman. He told the judgmental religious leaders, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” (v. 7). They all walked away, demonstrating their guilt. Perhaps they were not guilty of adultery or fornication, but they 47
- Page 1: SPRING/SUMMER 2012
- Page 4 and 5: J FM 2.2 (2012): 2-5 Editorial: In
- Page 6: end of each day in the lives of eac
- Page 9 and 10: and his life depends on his mother
- Page 11 and 12: (4:13, 17). Yahweh had closed Hanna
- Page 13 and 14: (30:11). Ravens will peck out their
- Page 15 and 16: one flesh, which excludes polygamy
- Page 17 and 18: A STRATEGY FOR WINNING UNBELIEVING
- Page 19 and 20: to their husbands under trying and
- Page 21 and 22: Acts 14:8-10). In light of the fact
- Page 23 and 24: Power [Abide] John 15:4-5 #FamMin S
- Page 25 and 26: among evangelicals today. This negl
- Page 27 and 28: air’ well before the middle of th
- Page 29 and 30: true Church (as opposed to the here
- Page 31 and 32: the presence of her Lord in a spati
- Page 33 and 34: 27 Plumbe, Mater Ecclesia, 9. Simil
- Page 36 and 37: J DFM 2.2 (2012): 34-40 The Challen
- Page 38 and 39: to northern cities in the opening d
- Page 40 and 41: quential matriarch might be a singl
- Page 42: ENDNOTES 14 Daniel P. Moynihan, The
- Page 45 and 46: it was a great way for me to see th
- Page 47: the Messiah, the Savior of the worl
- Page 51 and 52: Would they set an example to Stacy
- Page 53 and 54: about Stacy’s change of heart, en
- Page 55 and 56: ship and spiritual input. The babie
- Page 57 and 58: of Christ’s Church. When Jesus co
- Page 59 and 60: GOD NEVER FAILS US One priority in
- Page 62 and 63: J DFM 2.2 (2012): 60-63 Family Phys
- Page 64 and 65: Sadly, there is no technolog y avai
- Page 66 and 67: J DFM 2.2 (2012): 64-65 JDFM FORUM:
- Page 68 and 69: J DFM 2.2 (2012): 66-74 Book Review
- Page 70 and 71: displays God’s truth in the “na
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- Page 74 and 75: propose in this book to promote any
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- Page 84: for living closer. Whatever your ho
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- Page 89 and 90: progress almost daily. All this con
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God can use this situation in her life for good, and that<br />
this coming child will be a blessing as she continues to<br />
make the right choices. And those who do not choose<br />
to be directly involved can be reminded of their responsibility<br />
to lend loving support and prayer. Through all<br />
this the church becomes a haven in the storm—a haven<br />
desperately needed by the single teen mom.<br />
A PRACTICAL EXAMPLE<br />
So that we can see how this kind of ministry takes place,<br />
let’s look at a case study. Imagine that you are Jan, the<br />
counselor, who is the catalyst for bringing help and hope<br />
in this situation.<br />
Stacy grew up in the church. After dating a sophomore<br />
at the local junior college for two months and<br />
becoming sexually active, she found out that she was<br />
pregnant. Stacy knew that her boyfriend was not interested<br />
in marrying her right then, and she didn’t know<br />
what to do. Stacy had asked Jesus into her heart when<br />
she was very young and even though she had not been<br />
walking closely with her Savior, she knew that she<br />
belonged to Christ. She felt tremendously guilty about<br />
what she had done and didn’t know who she could talk<br />
to. She avoided her parents at all costs, retreating to her<br />
room and her loud stereo whenever she was at home.<br />
She felt bad about disappointing her parents, and her<br />
church family. Sometimes she thought that abortion<br />
was the best option because then no one would know<br />
about her sin and she could go on with her life. But she<br />
knew that the guilt of having an abortion would devastate<br />
her. So Stacy decided to have her baby and keep the<br />
child because the other options—abortion and adoption—were<br />
unthinkable to her. When she could wait<br />
no longer, Stacy got up the nerve and told her parents.<br />
“I can’t believe you would do this to us,” Stacy’s<br />
father shouted. “After all we’ve done for you, giving<br />
you everything that you could want, raising you in the<br />
church, teaching you right and wrong; you should know<br />
better! I’ll be disgraced in front of the whole church!<br />
You haven’t told anyone else yet, have you?” Stacy shook<br />
her head between sobs as her mother, Sarah, tried to<br />
comfort her. “You better not until you’ve moved out!<br />
No daughter of mine is going to be an unwed mom!<br />
You can move out! You made your bed; now you can<br />
lie in it!” the distraught father screamed as he slammed<br />
the door on his way out. “John, how can you say such<br />
things?” Sarah shouted after him. “You know he doesn’t<br />
mean it, honey,” Stacy’s mother said soothingly while<br />
crying tears of disappointment and compassion.<br />
After the ordeal with her parents, Stacy felt even<br />
more desolate. She confided in her best friend, Laurie,<br />
for support. Laurie knew that the church had some kind<br />
of policy for helping teen moms, so she called the pastor<br />
to get his help. He then contacted the woman who had<br />
been appointed as a counselor over this ministry.<br />
Ministering to the Teen Mom<br />
After Jan, the counselor, got off the phone with the pastor,<br />
she reviewed the ministry’s purpose statement from<br />
Galatians 6:1: ”Brethren, even if a man is caught in any<br />
trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a<br />
spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, lest<br />
you too be tempted.” After prayer for guidance and a<br />
time of self-evaluation, Jan contacted Stacy to let her<br />
know that she wanted to help her, not condemn her. She<br />
wanted to help her be restored to fellowship with Christ<br />
and the local body of believers.<br />
Jan used utmost grace when the time came for her<br />
to meet Stacy. She took Stacy a rosebud—showing her<br />
the care and concern of the church family. She then<br />
told Stacy that God is the author of life. She read Psalm<br />
139:15 to her which depicts how God forms the child<br />
growing in her womb. She told her that although God<br />
is the author of life and that he is not responsible for her<br />
sin ( James 1:13f ). But, as she deals with it God’s way,<br />
He can use this situation for good in her life. Jan assured<br />
Stacy that the church wanted to minister to her at this<br />
time in a special way.<br />
Jan then lovingly spoke to Stacy about forgiveness.<br />
Because of her knowledge of God’s Word, Stacy realized<br />
that what she had done was wrong. Jan showed Stacy<br />
Jesus’ response to the woman caught in adultery in John<br />
8:1-11. She pointed out that Jesus showed compassion<br />
and grace to the woman. He told the judgmental religious<br />
leaders, “He who is without sin among you, let<br />
him be the first to throw a stone at her” (v. 7). <strong>The</strong>y all<br />
walked away, demonstrating their guilt. Perhaps they<br />
were not guilty of adultery or fornication, but they<br />
47
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