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elieving that things are different, that Justin has somehow
changed.
I shouldn’t have done it. I know I shouldn’t have done it.
Even if it felt like the universe was telling me to do it.
I agonize over it for hours. I can’t take it back. I can’t make
it go away.
I fell in love once, or at least until today I thought I had. His
name was Brennan, and it felt so real, even if it was mostly
words. Intense, heartfelt words. I stupidly let myself think of
a possible future with him. But there was no future. I tried to
navigate it, but I couldn’t.
That was easy compared to this. It’s one thing to fall in
love. It’s another to feel someone else falling in love with you,
and to feel a responsibility toward that love.
There is no way for me to stay in this body. If I don’t go to
sleep, the shift will happen anyway. I used to think that if I
stayed up all night, I’d get to remain where I was. But instead, I
was ripped from the body I was in. And the ripping felt exactly
like what you would imagine being ripped from a body would
feel like, with every single nerve experiencing the pain of the
break, and then the pain of being fused into someone new.
From then on, I went to sleep every night. There was no use
fighting it.
I realize I have to call her. Her number’s right there in his
phone. I can’t let her think tomorrow is going to be like today.
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