Clarissa, Volume 6 - The History Of A Young Lady

Clarissa, Volume 6 − The History Of A Young Lady 95
And round her looked the angel, and upon me, with fear in her sweet aspect of the consequence of her free
declaration−−But what a devil must I have been, I who love bravery in a man, had I not been more struck with
admiration of her fortitude at the instant, than stimulated by revenge?
Noblest of creatures!−−And do you think I can leave you, and my interest in such an excellence, precarious?
No promise!−−no hope!−−If you make me not desperate, may lightning blast me, if I do you not all the justice
'tis in my power to do you!
If you have any intention to oblige me, leave me at my own liberty, and let me not be detained in this
abominable house. To be constrained as I have been constrained! to be stopt by your vile agents! to be brought
up by force, and be bruised in my own defence against such illegal violence! −−I dare to die, Lovelace−−and
she who fears not death, is not to be intimidated into a meanness unworthy of her heart and principles!
Wonderful creature! But why, Madam, did you lead me to hope for something favourable for next
Thursday?−−Once more, make me not desperate −−With all your magnanimity, glorious creature! [I was
more than half frantic, Belford,] you may, you may−−but do not, do not make me brutally threaten you−−do
not, do not make me desperate!
My aspect, I believe, threatened still more than my words. I was rising −−She rose−−Mr. Lovelace, be
pacified−−you are even more dreadful than the Lovelace I have long dreaded−−let me retire−−I ask your
leave to retire−−you really frighten me−−yet I give you no hope−−from my heart I ab−−−−
Say not, Madam, you abhor me. You must, for your own sake, conceal your hatred−−at least not avow it. I
seized her hand.
Let me retire−−let me, retire, said she, in a manner out of breath.
I will only say, Madam, that I refer myself to your generosity. My heart is not to be trusted at this instant. As a
mark of my submission to your will, you shall, if you please, withdraw−−but I will not go to M. Hall−− live
or die my Lord M. I will not go to M. Hall−−but will attend the effect of your promise. Remember, Madam,
you have promised to endeavour to make yourself easy till you see the event of next Thursday−−next
Thursday, remember, your uncle comes up, to see us married−−that's the event.−−You think ill of your
Lovelace−−do not, Madam, suffer your own morals to be degraded by the infection, as you called it, of his
example.
Away flew the charmer with this half permission−−and no doubt thought that she had an escape−−nor without
reason.
I knew not for half an hour what to do with myself. Vexed at the heart, nevertheless, (now she was from me,
and when I reflected upon her hatred of me, and her defiances,) that I suffered myself to be so overawed,
checked, restrained−−−−
And now I have written thus far, (have of course recollected the whole of our conversation,) I am more and
more incensed against myself.
But I will go down to these women−−and perhaps suffer myself to be laughed at by them.
Devil fetch them, they pretend to know their own sex. Sally was a woman well educated−−Polly also−−both
have read−−both have sense−−of parentage not mean−−once modest both−−still, they say, had been modest,
but for me −−not entirely indelicate now; though too little nice for my personal intimacy, loth as they both are
to have me think so−−the old one, too, a woman of family, though thus (from bad inclination as well as at first
from low circumstances) miserably sunk:−−and hence they all pretend to remember what once they were; and