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Clarissa, Volume 6 - The History Of A Young Lady

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<strong>Clarissa</strong>, <strong>Volume</strong> 6 − <strong>The</strong> <strong>History</strong> <strong>Of</strong> A <strong>Young</strong> <strong>Lady</strong> 91<br />

This, however, shows me, that she is aware that the reluctantly−given assurance may be fairly construed into a<br />

matrimonial expectation on my side. And if she will now, even now, look forward, I think, from my heart, that<br />

I will put on her livery, and wear it for life.<br />

What a situation am I in, with all my cursed inventions! I am puzzled, confounded, and ashamed of myself,<br />

upon the whole. To take such pains to be a villain!−−But (for the fiftieth time) let me ask thee, Who would<br />

have thought that there had been such a woman in the world?−− Nevertheless, she had best take care that she<br />

carries not her obstinacy much farther. She knows not what revenge for slighted love will make me do.<br />

<strong>The</strong> busy scenes I have just passed through have given emotions to my heart, which will not be quieted one<br />

while. My heart, I see, (on re−perusing what I have written,) has communicated its tremors to my fingers; and<br />

in some places the characters are so indistinct and unformed, that thou'lt hardly be able to make them out. But<br />

if one half of them is only intelligible, that will be enough to expose me to thy contempt, for the wretched<br />

hand I have made of my plots and contrivances. −−But surely, Jack, I have gained some ground by this<br />

promise.<br />

And now, one word to the assurances thou sendest me, that thou hast not betrayed my secrets in relation to<br />

this charming creature. Thou mightest have spared them, Belford. My suspicions held no longer than while I<br />

wrote about them.* For well I knew, when I allowed myself time to think, that thou hadst no principles, no<br />

virtue, to be misled by. A great deal of strong envy, and a little of weak pity, I knew to be thy motives. Thou<br />

couldst not provoke my anger, and my compassion thou ever hadst; and art now more especially entitled to it;<br />

because thou art a pityful fellow.<br />

All thy new expostulations in my beloved's behalf I will answer when I see thee.<br />

LETTER XXXII<br />

MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. THURSDAY NIGHT.<br />

Confoundedly out of humour with this perverse woman!−−Nor wilt thou blame me, if thou art my friend. She<br />

regards the concession she made, as a concession extorted from her: and we are but just where we were before<br />

she made it.<br />

With great difficulty I prevailed upon her to favour me with her company for one half hour this evening. <strong>The</strong><br />

necessity I was under to go down to M. Hall was the subject I wanted to talk upon.<br />

I told her, that as she had been so good as to promise that she would endeavour to make herself easy till she<br />

saw the Thursday in next week over, I hoped that she would not scruple to oblige me with her word, that I<br />

should find her here at my return from M. Hall.<br />

Indeed she would make no such promise. Nothing of this house was mentioned to me, said she: you know it<br />

was not. And do you think that I would have given my consent to my imprisonment in it?<br />

I was plaguily nettled, and disappointed too. If I go not down to Mr. Hall, Madam, you'll have no scruple to<br />

stay here, I suppose, till Thursday is over?<br />

If I cannot help myself I must−−but I insist upon being permitted to go out of this house, whether you leave it<br />

or not.<br />

Well, Madam, then I will comply with your commands. And I will go out this very evening in quest of<br />

lodgings that you shall have no objections to.

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