Clarissa, Volume 6 - The History Of A Young Lady

Clarissa, Volume 6 − The History Of A Young Lady 85
Nothing will I promise thee!
Say but that you will see me again this evening!
O that I could say−−that it were in my power to say−−I never will see thee more!−−Would to Heaven I never
were to see thee more!
Passionate beauty!−−still holding her−−
I speak, though with vehemence, the deliberate wish of my heart.−−O that I could avoid looking down upon
thee, mean groveler, and abject as insulting−−Let me withdraw! My soul is in tumults! Let we [sic] withdraw!
I quitted my hold to clasp my hands together−−Withdraw, O sovereign of my fate!−−Withdraw, if you will
withdraw! My destiny is in your power!−−It depends upon your breath!−−Your scorn but augments my love!
Your resentment is but too well founded!−−But, dearest creature, return, return, return, with a resolution to
bless with pardon and peace your faithful adorer!
She flew from me. The angel, as soon as she found her wings, flew from me. I, the reptile kneeler, the
despicable slave, no more the proud victor, arose; and, retiring, tried to comfort myself, that, circumstanced as
she is, destitute of friends and fortune; her uncle moreover, who is to reconcile all so soon, (as I thank my
stars she still believes,) expected.
O that she would forgive me!−−Would she but generously forgive me, and receive my vows at the altar, at the
instant of her forgiving me, that I might not have time to relapse into my old prejudices! By my soul, Belford,
this dear girl gives the lie to all our rakish maxims. There must be something more than a name in virtue!−−I
now see that there is!−− Once subdued, always subdued−−'Tis an egregious falsehood!−−But, O Jack, she
never was subdued. What have I obtained but an increase of shame and confusion!−−While her glory has been
established by her sufferings!
This one merit is, however, left me, that I have laid all her sex under obligation to me, by putting this noble
creature to trials, which, so gloriously supported, have done honour to them all.
However−−But no more will I add−−What a force have evil habits!−−I will take an airing, and try to fly from
myself!−−Do not thou upbraid me on my weak fits−−on my contradictory purposes−−on my
irresolution−−and all will be well.
LETTER XXX
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. WEDNESDAY NIGHT.
A man is just now arrived from M. Hall, who tells me, that my Lord is in a very dangerous way. The gout in
his stomach to an extreme degree, occasioned by drinking a great quantity of lemonade.
A man of 8000£. a year to prefer his appetite to his health!−−He deserves to die!−−But we have all of us our
inordinate passions to gratify: and they generally bring their punishment along with them−−so witnesses the
nephew, as well as the uncle.
The fellow was sent upon other business; but stretched his orders a little, to make his court to a successor.
I am glad I was not at M. Hall, at the time my Lord took the grateful dose: [it was certainly grateful to him at
the time:] there are people in the world, who would have had the wickedness to say, that I had persuaded him
to drink.