Clarissa, Volume 6 - The History Of A Young Lady

Clarissa, Volume 6 − The History Of A Young Lady 60
to Hampstead, sufficiently convinced me that she was entirely under Miss Howe's influence, and waited but
the return of a letter from her to enter upon measures that would deprive me of her for ever: Miss Howe had
ever been my enemy: more so then, no doubt, from the contents of the letter she had written to her on her first
coming to Hampstead; that I dared not to stand the event of such a letter; and was glad of an opportunity, by
Lady Betty's and my cousin's means (though they knew not my motive) to get her back to town; far, at the
time, from intending the outrage which my despair, and her want of confidence in me, put me so vilely
upon'−−
I would have proceeded; and particularly would have said something of Captain Tomlinson and her uncle; but
she would not hear me further. And indeed it was with visible indignation, and not without several angry
interruptions, that she heard me say so much.
Would I dare, she asked me, to offer at a palliation of my baseness? The two women, she was convinced, were
impostors. She knew not but Captain Tomlinson and Mr. Mennell were so too. But whether they were so or
not, I was. And she insisted upon being at her own disposal for the remainder of her short life−−for indeed she
abhorred me in every light; and more particularly in that in which I offered myself to her acceptance.
And, saying this, she flung from me; leaving me absolutely shocked and confounded at her part of a
conversation which she began with such uncommon, however severe, composure, and concluded with so
much sincere and unaffected indignation.
And now, Jack, I must address one serious paragraph particularly to thee.
I have not yet touched upon cohabitation−−her uncle's mediation she does not absolutely discredit, as I had
the pleasure to find by one hint in this conversation−−yet she suspects my future views, and has doubt about
Mennell and Tomlinson.
I do say, if she come fairly at her lights, at her clues, or what shall I call them? her penetration is wonderful.
But if she do not come at them fairly, then is her incredulity, then is her antipathy to me evidently accounted
for.
I will speak out−−thou couldst not, surely, play me booty, Jack?−−Surely thou couldst not let thy weak pity
for her lead thee to an unpardonable breach of trust to thy friend, who has been so unreserved in his
communications to thee?
I cannot believe thee capable of such a baseness. Satisfy me, however, upon this head. I must make a cursed
figure in her eye, vowing and protesting, as I shall not scruple occasionally to vow and protest, if all the time
she has had unquestionable informations of my perfidy. I know thou as little fearest me, as I do thee, if any
point of manhood; and wilt scorn to deny it, if thou hast done it, when thus home−pressed.
And here I have a good mind to stop, and write no farther, till I have thy answer.
And so I will.
MONDAY MORN. PAST THREE.
LETTER XIX
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. MONDAY MORN. FIVE O'CLOCK (JUNE 19.)
I must write on. Nothing else can divert me: and I think thou canst not have been a dog to me.