Clarissa, Volume 6 - The History Of A Young Lady

Clarissa, Volume 6 − The History Of A Young Lady 56
This shows, as we hoped last night, that she is recovering her charming intellects.
Dorcas says, she was visible to her but once before the whole day; and then she seemed very solemn and
sedate.
I will endeavour to see her. It must be in her own chamber, I suppose; for she will hardly meet me in the
dining−room. What advantage will the confidence of our sex give me over the modesty of her's, if she be
recovered!−−I, the most confident of men: she, the most delicate of women. Sweet soul! methinks I have her
before me: her face averted: speech lost in sighs−−abashed−−conscious−−what a triumphant aspect will this
give me, when I gaze on her downcast countenance!
***
This moment Dorcas tells me she believes she is coming to find me out. She asked her after me: and Dorcas
left her, drying her red−swoln eyes at her glass; [no design of moving me by tears!] sighing too sensibly for
my courage. But to what purpose have I gone thus far, if I pursue not my principal end? Niceness must be a
little abated. She knows the worst. That she cannot fly me; that she must see me; and that I can look her into a
sweet confusion; are circumstances greatly in my favour. What can she do but rave and exclaim? I am used to
raving and exclaiming−−but, if recovered, I shall see how she behaves upon this our first sensible interview
after what she has suffered.
Here she comes.
LETTER XVIII
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. SUNDAY NIGHT.
Never blame me for giving way to have art used with this admirable creature. All the princes of the air, or
beneath it, joining with me, could never have subdued her while she had her senses.
I will not anticipate−−only to tell thee, that I am too much awakened by her to think of sleep, were I to go to
bed; and so shall have nothing to do but to write an account of our odd conversation, while it is so strong upon
my mind that I can think of nothing else.
She was dressed in a white damask night−gown, with less negligence than for some days past. I was sitting
with my pen in my fingers; and stood up when I first saw her, with great complaisance, as if the day were still
her own. And so indeed it is.
She entered with such dignity in her manner as struck me with great awe, and prepared me for the poor figure
I made in the subsequent conversation. A poor figure indeed!−−But I will do her justice.
She came up with quick steps, pretty close to me; a white handkerchief in her hand; her eyes neither fierce nor
mild, but very earnest; and a fixed sedateness in her whole aspect, which seemed to be the effect of deep
contemplation: and thus she accosted me, with an air and action that I never saw equalled.
You see before you, Sir, the wretch, whose preference of you to all your sex you have rewarded−−as it indeed
deserved to be rewarded. My father's dreadful curse has already operated upon me in the very letter of it, as to
this life; and it seems to me too evident that it will not be your fault that it is not entirely completed in the loss
of my soul, as well as of my honour−−which you, villanous man! have robbed me of, with a baseness so
unnatural, so inhuman, that it seems you, even you, had not the heart to attempt it, till my senses were made
the previous sacrifice.